101 robots... and a few changes

There are at least 101 robot shirts in existence. And you can find them here . Sadly, I have 2 awesome robot shirts that haven't been created yet. But since I have the time, it might be time to learn photoshop and t-shirt design.


Also, I want to point out a few changes I shall be making to the blog here. Nothing too huge, but I've agreed to start writing for Moviesonline again, this time for more exposure and infamy. Sadly, this means lots of news about Twilight.

(So dreamy!)

No, I'm only kidding. But seriously, I will be posting my reviews over there from now on, along with fun and exciting lists and hilarious commentary on movies and editorials. I will provide links to the reviews and other content here on ye olde blog, but fact of the matter is, the more views Moviesonline gets, the more pennies roll into my coffers. Being that I have no source of income at the moment, every little bit helps.

So later on, I'll have a review of Hurt Locker to post on the site, and I shall include the link. Please help a brother out and read it, and future reviews and article postings I shall write for them, in my quest to be an actual writer, and not some bum who writes on the side when he's not assistant editing crappy TV miniseries that star the Dawson.

Box Office Report: 501

Dude here again. I'm feeling a lot better about these numbers I'm reporting. Not for any reason regarding the content of the films. But because I've been having the most wonderful vacation. And I'm not gonna let something like almost $300 million in tickets get me down.

That's probably the Pina Coladas talking.

This weekend, what's this?!?! A TIE?!?!?!? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (Fox)- $42.5, 4099 screens, week 1, $67.5 total (wed open)

2. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (P/DW) - $42.5, 4234 screens, week 2, $293.4 total

3. Public Enemies (Uni) $26.1, 3334 screens, week 1, $41.0 total (wed open)

4. The Proposal (BV) - $12.7, 3099 screens, week 3, $94.2 total

5. The Hangover (WB)- $10.4, 3070 screens, week 5, $204.1 total

6. Up (BV) - $6.5, 2656 screens, week 6, $264.8 total

7. My Sister's Keeper (WB)- $5.2, 2606 screens, week 2, $25.9 total

8. The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (Sony) - $2.5, 1908 screens, week 4, $58.4 total

9. Night at the Museum... (Fox)- $2.1, 1419 screens, week 7, $167.7 total

10. Year One (Sony) - $2.1, 2240 screens, week 3, $38.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that the Transformers folks didn't want to lose face and predicted something that the Ice Age people also predicted. Neither will back down until official numbers are reported on Monday. That means I'm gonna have another pina colada.

But I'm not going to report back with final numbers. My guess is that Transformers will have predicted more than actually made, and Ice Age will be declared champion of the world! But sometimes I've been known to be wrong. Rare times, but it does happen.

And Public Enemies had a nice showing. That's star power for you. Have that Pirate captain and Batman star in a gangster movie in the middle of summer, against animated dinosaurs and robots, and still pull that off. Star Power I says!

(Those last few sentences are best read if you hear an old Hollywood agent stereotype say them aloud. Imagine that, won't you?)

Oh, and there's another tie at the bottom of the list, too. But nobody's really clamoring for dibs on ninth these days, are they? Aw, bummer. Star Trek's out of the top ten. Son of a....

Below the radar, there are a lot of good movies out that are worth time and money to check them out. More so than nonsense movies about loud noises and bright flashing colors with no cohesive sense of story. In it's second week The Hurt Locker added 5 more screens and took in $126,000. Away We Go, is still expanding, and took in another $1.1 million. And Moon, a fantastic movie starring Sam Rockwell (and a robot!) expanded to 26 more screens in its' fourth week, and took in $300,000.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, Borat 2: Austrian Boogaloo. And something else, too.

Until next weekend.......

500 Posts!

Well, I managed it. After roughly over 3 years, I have made it to 500 posts. Granted, that's a pretty weak output, and if it weren't for weekly box office reports, it would be significantly less. But still, I've kept at it thus far, and thank all of you loyal readers for sticking with it, and hopefully letting it guide you in the ways of good movie choices.

I contemplated what I was going to do for this landmark occasion. A review of my all time favorite movie? Something new, perhaps, like a review of The Hurt Locker? (Which fucking rocks!) Perhaps I would beat down and choke a dead horses' throat, and rail against that piece of shit transforming robot movie. Maybe I finally finished that long awaited Dolph Lundgren Film Festival write up!

Or cleverly return to an old favorite, like a Danspeak*? Or go into a nice diatribe about unemployment is really FUNemployment, despite the horrible sunburn I feel on my chest right now! Or any other flight of fancy that's strikes my curious, vacation-filled mind.

Then, I witnessed this video and knew what I had to do. Watch and enjoy. Preferably not around children or people with the capacity to fire you.

Enjoy! Thanks for coming by, and I hope you continue to do so, as I have the time to write whatever strikes my fancy now!



*I did sneak in a new Danspeak, by the way. He coined that "Choking a dead horse" amalgam. Actually, I'm not even sure I got it correct.

This sums it up.

Watch this, and read this, and you will seriously understand everything you want (or don't want) to know about the ocular rape that took in $200 million in five days.

Box Office Report: Fuck.

Dude here again. Once again, I am depressed about the box office numbers. Seriously depressed. These numbers mean a lot. Quite possibly the end of civilization as we know it.

I'm not even kidding.

This weekend, Giant crappy robots fighting attempted to shatter records, and came close, but not quite. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (P/DW) - $112.0, 4234 screens, week 1, $201.2 total (wed open)

2. The Proposal (BV) - $18.4, 3058 screens, week 2, $69.0 total

3. The Hangover (WB)- $17.2, 3525 screens, week 4, $183.2 total

4. Up (BV) - $13.0, 3487 screens, week 5, $250.2 total

5. My Sister's Keeper (WB)- $12.0, 2606 screens, week 1, $12.0 total

6. Year One (Sony) - $5.8, 3024 screens, week 2, $32.2 total

7. The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (Sony) - $5.4, 2995 screens, week 3, $53.4 total

8. Star Trek (Par) $3.6, 1823 screens, week 8, $246.2 total

9. Night at the Museum... (Fox)- $3.6, 2250 screens, week 6, $163.2 total

10. Away We Go (Focus)- $1.6, 495 screens, week 4, $4.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that we the people elected to spend $200 million on an incoherent piece of nonsense trash. In 5 days. This just means that they will make more movies like this, not paying attention as to whether or not movies actually make, you know, sense! No, instead we get noise and bright flashing lights, and we call that filmmaking. Way to go. Thanks a lot.

On top of that, despite making as much money as it did, it still didn't beat any of the records set by the Dark Knight last year. It came a close second, but as everybody knows, second place is really just the first loser.

My Sister's Keeper, the smart counter-programming tactic about a child with cancer (far from transforming robots as you can get), made approximately 16 times less than what the Transformers made.

Below the radar, The Hurt Locker opened up on 4 screens and took in $144,000. What makes this remarkable is that it takes away Transformers' right to claim highest screen average of the weekend. Ha ha! Schadenfreude rules!

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, we see what happens if the robots continue their onslaught, or if they're just a flash in the pan. I hope, for the souls of all those on the planet, that we realize our mistake, and move on.

Until next weekend.......

Holy shit, is the transforming robots movie terrible.

Yeah, that seriously sums up the last two and a half hours of my life. To paraphrase the movie Billy Madison, I, and everybody in the auditorium, are dumber having seen it.

I'll let my friend Larry speak for the film, as I'm still trying to keep track of what I just saw. Because I'm having a real difficult time comprehending things right now. I actually wrote down a note during the film that reads "Why do the robots have teeth?". So let's Larry speak:

"Transformers has so much blarcy* I got confused and bored and amazed and mildly retarded. I am not the same after. It's really hopped up. I wouldn't miss it just for the conversation it will stir up, but I am not calling it good, or even watchable at times. A film unto itself."


That sums it up perfectly. It's like watching somebody on a coke binge film a script that's written by an 8 year old playing with the toys. But then, the coke binge guy gets bored and starts playing with the toys by himself. And when he does that, we get racist robots.

Fun fact: You want to know why everybody who reviews the movie brings up the racist robots? It's because those are the only things in the entire fucking movie that you can clearly see. And even that's stretching it. I seriously had absolutely no idea that Megatron was in this movie. It's just noise and metal.

And Shia Lebouf... When the fuck did he break his hand? Not in real life, we all know that. I mean in the movie. Suddenly he's wearing a cast on his arm. And we're also in Egypt. And John Turturro shows his ass. But this Shia guy is really annoying.


(I'm too tired to look for SHIA, so here's SHEA)

Oh, but Megan Fox is hot in the movie. But she really just has to stare vacantly at things.


But do you know what the most amazing part of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is? The crowd I saw it with ATE THAT SHIT UP! Dear lord, this was bad. You almost have to see it. I feel bad contributing to the obscene box office numbers, but the proof is on the screen. And that proof is unbelievable.

I honestly didn't think there could be a worse movie than Terminator Salvation. This is an entirely different breed of awful, an adrenaline-fueled eye fuck that's done violating you before you know what's happened.

*Blarcy is the drug obtained by injecting heroin into your heart, then extracting the endorphins from your head. It's powerful, rare, and illegal. It's also from the movie I Come In Peace, which Larry and I saw a few weeks ago, and which made us laugh heartily at the introduction of Blarcy.

Witness the horror

I can't recall if I mentioned this to anybody, or showed it to anyone outside of my desk radius. But it's creepy as shit.

Totally Saw Transformers!

And now I want to share it with all of you!



Wow! I mean, it's a robot, but it's a planet that EATS robots!!!!

As for that crappy new Transforming robot movie, I haven't seen it yet. But the premiere of it delayed the arrival of my sandwich for lunch yesterday. Stupid Michael Bay. That was a "Kareem Abdul Jabeef", and it rocked, and you had to go and ruin it.

Box Office Report: All Bullock, all the time!

Dude here again. It's Father's Day. I called my father. Had a nice conversation with him. I tried to convince him to see Star Trek. He called me Mark, then apologized for calling me my brother's name.

I don't have a brother.

This weekend, The Hangover gets knocked down a peg, as two more funny (or "haha") movies come out. Who is the victor? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Proposal (BV) - $34.1, 3056 screens, week 1, $34.1 total

2. The Hangover (WB)- $26.8, 3545 screens, week 3, $152.9 total

3. Up (BV) - $21.3, 3832 screens, week 4, $224.1 total

4. Year One (Sony) - $20.2, 3022 screens, week 1, $20.2 total

5. The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (Sony) - $11.3, 3077 screens, week 2, $43.3 total

6. Night at the Museum... (Fox)- $7.3, 2962 screens, week 5, $155.9 total

7. Star Trek (Par) $4.7, 2307 screens, week 7, $239.4 total

8. Land Of The Lost (Uni) - $3.9, 2945 screens, week 3, $43.6 total

9. Imagine That (Par)- $3.1, 3011 screens, week 2, $11.3 total

10. Terminator Salvation (WB)- $3.0, 1920 screens, week 5, $119.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means Sandra Bullock can still open a movie in addition to looking mighty fine. Seems the masses wanted a tender romance that didn't involve abandoned babies, stolen tigers and missing teeth. Sometimes I don't even recognize the world I live in.

Year One received some scathing reviews, but still managed a decent enough opening for a Jack Black movie. And now that Land of the Lost has become the punching bag of the summer as far as disappointing big budget comedies of the summer go, Year One can enjoy a pleasant run. (The less said about Imagine That, the better).

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 dropped significantly. Hangover and Up continue to do well, far better than Terminator or the Angels and the Demons.

Below the radar, the latest from Woody Allen, Whatever Works, opened up on 9 screens, and took in $281,000. It had the highest per screen average of the weekend. How does that make you feel? There was also a movie called Dead Snow, which is about Nazi zombies, and it opened up on one screen and took in $6,000. Impressive, as the film is also available on video on demand release platforms as well.

Just in case you didn't catch that before, it's about NAZI ZOMBIES!

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, the second crappy robot fighting movie opens up.

Until next weekend.......

See Moon!

It's slowly rolling out in theaters this summer, but if you get a chance, I strongly recommend Moon. It features Sam Rockwell as a guy named Sam. And Sam works on the Moon.

Alone.

For going on three years.

That's all you need to know going in. Revealing any more of the story spoils the fun of the film. If you want something akin to what this movie feels like, think the sci-fi element of Timecrimes. Very simple, logical, organic, and above all, believable to the world it presents.



Know that the production design and FX work are top notch, mixing CG and models almost seamlessly. And Rockwell once again proves that he's the misunderstood genius actor of his generation. His performance should be enough to get him the honor of just being nominated come Awards time. (If there is justice in the world, he'd win, but since it's not based on an actual living being, he won't win).

I just really dug the design of the moon base. It felt straight out of Alien, and other 70s sci-fi flicks. Very "used" sci-fi look. And Clint Mansell's score is still haunting me. Fuckin A, I liked this movie.



I've actually been blessed lately, being able to see entertaining and enjoyable films this summer. Since the Terminator debacle, I've seen and enjoyed all of the following:

The Hangover (I'm still laughing at it days later. Don't let others ruin all the jokes for you before you get to see it).

Away We Go (At first glance, total hipster wet dream, but movie is solid and sweet and not as arch or precious as the previews make it out to be)

Land of the Lost (I don't know who they decided to make this movie for, but I wound up really enjoying Ferrell and Danny McBride tripping balls and playing Marco Polo).

Drag Me To Hell (Obscene amounts of scares and fun. If you replaced Alison Lohman with Bruce Campbell, it's Evil Dead 4. Side note: Why do demons and evil spirits in the Raimi worls feel the need to beat the ever-loving shit out of you instead of just killing?)

The Brothers Bloom (Solid performances, especially from Rachel Weisz, fun, light, and "fizzy" like a Fanta. It goes on a little long in the end, and loses some steam, but it's beyond charming.)

I haven't seen Wolverine or Up yet, although I want to see both. I also want to see Star Trek again, because I'm a huge nerd.

So there you go, a plethora of enjoyable and entertaining movies worthy of your dollars. But if you can only see one, and have all available to you, check out Moon. You'll thank me. And if you disagree, you can go eat a bowl of dick.

That's right. I went there.

This is why Brian missed Thanksgiving dinner.

He was too busy being in Italy filming this commercial. The Jerk.



Fun Fact: That's his actual voice speaking Italian!

Box Office Report: Actual hangover edition 2! (Electric Boogaloo).

Dude here again. I decided to keep my hangover in check this week. I did it by continuously drinking. I honestly can't recall the 7 days between when I last wrote the box office report. It's really fantastic, but my clothes are starting to stand and their own, and I can't seem to find my car anywhere. It's probably still in the parking garage, but I don't know if there's some hobo pinned to the windshield that I just forgot about.

Because those things actually happen.

This weekend, the top two remain the same, meaning all Hangover jokes and references people are making around the office are now MORE than relevant. Also, some other movies opened, too. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Hangover (WB)- $33.4, 3355 screens, week 2, $105.3 total

2. Up (BV) - $30.5, 3886 screens, week 3, $187.1 total

3. The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (Sony) - $25.0, 3074 screens, week 1, $25.0 total

4. Night at the Museum... (Fox)- $9.6, 3365 screens, week 4, $143.4 total

5. Land Of The Lost (Uni) - $9.1, 3534 screens, week 2, $34.9 total

6. Imagine That (Par)- $5.7, 3008 screens, week 1, $5.7 total

7. Star Trek (Par) $5.6, 2638 screens, week 6, $232.0 total

8. Terminator Salvation (WB)- $4.6, 2650 screens, week 4, $113.8 total

9. Angels & Demons (Sony) - $4.2, 2463 screens, week 5, $123.3 total

10. Drag Me To Hell (Uni) - $3.8, 2273 screens, week 3, $35.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means The Hangover is now crowned as "The surprise hit", because it took the top spot 2 weeks in a row, with only a 25% drop from last weekend's take. It's a genuine hit with "Legs". I know far too much "lingo" in this job. Still, the movie's hilarious and deserves all it's accolades and money.

Up seems to be doing nicely as well, rapidly approaching the $200 million point. Looks like there was nowhere for the film to go from here but Up! (If you're lucky, you'll be able to hear the resounding smack in the face I just applied to myself).

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, a Tony Scott directed remake with Denzel Washington and John Travolta, struggled against the two champions, and fought valiantly, but alas, comes in third. Or as my Dad likes to say, the second loser. At least the film fared better than Imagine That, an Eddie Murphy comedy that proves Eddie Murphy should stop making family films, and make something like "Delerious" again. My two cents.

Why aren't more people seeing Drag Me To Hell?!? It's fantastic! It's so much fun, you want to see it again immediately afterwards. It should've come out at Halloween.

Below the radar, a trio of interesting films opened up. Moon, starring Sam Rockwell as a man on the moon for 3 years by himself, opened up on 8 screens and took in $145,000. Food, Inc. a documentary about food (inc) opened on 3 screens and took in $63,000. And Tetro, another indie from Francis Coppola, opened up on 2 screens and took in $31,300. Interesting counter-programming to the normal summer fare.

I really don't know where these trite box office descriptions are coming from.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, Year One and The Proposal try to make people laugh in ways the Hangover cannot. Will they succeed?!?

Until next weekend.......



(Nobody Wants To Play Sega With Harrison Ford)

Box Office Report: Actual hangover edition

Dude here again. In honor of the new releases this weekend, I decided to write this particular box office report while actually BEING hungover. Granted, that's how I mostly write these, but I find this time particularly fitting. One might say I visited the Land of the Lost whilst drinking.

There's also a My Life In Ruins joke in here somewhere, but I'm just not finding the proper wording for it.

This weekend, a close call for first place that may very well change these numbers tomorrow, making all my hard work null and void. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Up (BV) - $44.2, 3818 screens, week 2, $137.3 total

2. The Hangover (WB)- $43.2, 3269 screens, week 1, $43.2 total

3. Land Of The Lost (Uni) - $19.5, 3521 screens, week 1, $19.5 total

4. Night at the Museum... (Fox)- $14.6, 3807 screens, week 3, $127.3 total

5. Star Trek (Par) $8.4, 3202 screens, week 5, $222.8 total

6. Terminator Salvation (WB)- $8.1, 3304 screens, week 3, $105.4 total

7. Drag Me To Hell (Uni) - $7.3, 2510 screens, week 2, $28.5 total

8. Angels & Demons (Sony) - $6.5, 2925 screens, week 4, $116.1 total

9. My Life In Ruins (FoxS) - $3.2, 1164 screens, week 1, $3.2 total

10. Dance Flick (Par)- $2.0, 1707 screens, week 3, $22.6 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means it took me two hours to write those numbers, proving that I'm not hungover, but am in fact, still drunk. I believe I drank myself sober, then back to drunk again.
Enjoy these numbers. That's all you're getting today.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, something comes out.

Until next weekend.......

The Interwebz Are Useful

And sometimes brilliant. For now, we have bestowed upon us, one of the greatest websites known to man. Greater than You're The Man Now Dog. More brilliant than those sites that show what idiots people are. Much more amazing than any site website dedicated to dwarf rodeos.

I present to you Explosions and Boobs.

Box Office Report: Up and Away! (sigh...)

Dude here again. Coming at you after an evening of drunken karaoke shenanigans. I gotta tell you, some people might try to tell you sing Stairway to Heaven, but I disagree. I prefer singing STYX. The audience is craving for things beyond their comprehension, and Styx delivers. Stairway may be a grand song, but it's a cliche and at 8 minutes long, kind of a downer.

Plus, who doesn't love songs about robots?

This weekend, Pixar releases their latest "Greatest Pixar Movie" until next year's release, and Sam Raimi returns to horror. How did they fare? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Up (BV) - $68.2, 3766 screens, week 1, $68.2 total

2. Night at the Museum... (Fox)- $25.5, 4101 screens, week 2, $105.2 total

3. Drag Me To Hell (Uni) - $16.6, 2508 screens, week 1, $16.6 total

4. Terminator Salvation (WB)- $16.1, 3602 screens, week 2, $90.6 total

5. Star Trek (Par) $12.8, 3507 screens, week 4, $209.5 total

6. Angels & Demons (Sony) - $11.2, 3464 screens, week 3, $104.7 total

7. Dance Flick (Par)- $4.9, 2459 screens, week 2, $19.2 total

8. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Fox)- $3.9, 2263 screens, week 5, $170.8 total

9. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (WB) - $1.9, 1450 screens, week 5, $50.0 total

10. Obsessed (ScrGm) - $0.6, 679 screens, week 6, $67.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means the people are up with Up! (As opposed to being Up With People!) But Pixar knows what they're doing, and they snagged their 3rd highest opening OF ALL TIME! (See? Records are EVERYWHERE, you just need to know how to phrase them). But yeah, once again the Pixar gang delivers and puts a lock onto the best animated movie nominations in the next six months.

Sam Raimi made a movie that wasn't involving Spider-man, and the audiences didn't seem to come out like they should have. Most interesting, but horror doesn't do too well in the early months of the summer. Usually towards the end is when people crave the horror. Still, it's nice to see Raimi cleanse the palate after that ridiculous Spider-Man 3 movie, where the modern kids were dancing to the twist in the kitchen, and Spiderman cried.

A lot.

Night at the Museum 2 is holding on to 2nd place, but it did have a steeper drop than expected. Yet another footnote to the crazy numbers this summer. Terminator Salvation dropped even steeper, which makes the prospect of a sequel that less likely, but I think that's for the best. Unless it's called Terminator: Apology, it's not getting my money.

Oh, and Star Trek is now the highest grossing motion picture of the year! This makes me smile the good smile. Not the creepy smile.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, another big screen adaptation of a TV show, and a documentary about my last trip to Las Vegas.

Until next weekend.......

Time to help the roomie.

You know Dan. He of Danspeak.



He's in a short film. You can view it here. Check it out, then vote for it! Just remember the more success he has, the more success I can glean off. And let's be honest, my credit is for shit. I can't get a place without him.

Check it out and vote!

The Mets played the Dodgers on Wednesday night.

I had to work, and could not attend the game. My roommate Dan went. My editor on the flick I'm working on went. My friend even had tickets to give me because he couldn't make it. And although the Mets lost, I'm most pissed about missing who threw the first pitch.



That's right. My personal hero, Mr. Matthew "I GOT GHOSTS IN MY BEDROOM" McConaughey.


My editor Thomas said he'd never seen anyone so happy to throw a pitch in his life. I think this accurately captures it.



He also, allegedly, couldn't stop high-fiving the catcher afterwards, and was spotted holding up three fingers. This leads me to believe Matty McC was claiming he could get the next batter out. And could fill in for Manny Ramirez.

Box Office Report Salvation

Dude here again. I bring to you numbers. Large numbers. Numbers that make people happy. Very happy. Unless you're one of the people who was disappointed in what you spent your money on. I know I was. And that makes this large number a little disturbing to report.

Man, did I hate that Terminator movie.

This weekend, Terminator Shananigans opened up, as well as Night at the Museum. And it's a holiday weekend, which means the numbers are 4-day totals! Which is why I'm writing this on Monday, instaed of Sunday. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Tuesday).

1. Night at the Museum... (Fox)- $70.0, 4096 screens, week 1, $70.0 total

2. Terminator Salvation (WB)- $53.8, 3530 screens, week 1, $67.1 total

3. Star Trek (Par) $29.4, 4053 screens, week 3, $191.0 total

4. Angels & Demons (Sony) - $27.7, 3527 screens, week 2, $87.8 total

5. Dance Flick (Par)- $13.1, 2450 screens, week 1, $13.1 total

6. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Fox)- $10.1, 3183 screens, week 4, $165.3 total

7. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (WB) - $4.8, 2255 screens, week 4, $46.9 total

8. Obsessed (ScrGm) - $2.5, 1603 screens, week 5, $66.4 total

9. Monsters Vs. Aliens (Par/DW) - $1.9, 1434 screens, week 9, $193.5 total

10. 17 Again (WB) - $1.2, 1107 screens, week 6, $60.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means the people spoke, and they chose Ben Stiller and a bunch of history brought to life over a post-apocalyptic robotic war. And for once, I am happy. the schadenfreude has kicked in, and I'm happy about this choice. No records were broken this weekend, but Night at the Museum: Battle for the Smithsonian did outperform its' predecessor. The robot movie didn't.

Oh, and Dance Flick opened up, and manage to take $13 million of your money. Give that some thought, why don't you. I'll wait.

Meanwhile, Star Trek looks to be a solid hit, continuing steady business and dropping low percentages. It even performed better than last week's #1, Angels & Demons. That film, however, seems to be conquering the world, so I'm not shedding any tears.

How is Monsters Vs. Aliens still on this list? It's not like it's Taken. Man, remember those days? When Liam Neeson would lord over us all, just waiting to kick our collective arses at any given moment? Ahhh, good times. You know something? I think I would've preferred watching Liam Neeson take on the robot army. Because you know he could get the job done with the intensity only matched by robotic killing machines of the future.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, Pixar unleashes their next "Greatest Pixar Movie Ever", as I have no doubt multiple outlets will declare it. Oh, and we also get a new horror movie from Sam Raimi that doesn't involve a spider man!

Until next weekend.......

Terminator: Shenanigans

Just to give you an idea of how utterly fucking stupid this movie is, you don't even need to go past the opening credits. It seriously tells you the title of the movie twice. In the span of, like, 40 seconds.

Nevermind that it should possess a colon, so it reads "Terminator: Salvation". No, it reads "Terminator Salvation".

Anyway, after the second reveal of the title, we have an idiotic prologue that features nothing recognizable to the Terminator world. And there are more individual producer credits than letters in the director's name.

(Remember when We Are Marshall came out, and McG was all about being taken seriously. But he didn't drop the McG thing, so then he made this retarded robot war movie?)

So then, after the prologue, we get a text scroll, setting up everything we already know about a war against the machines.

But we don't get to see the initial uprising. No, we just get John Connor in the middle of everything. (He also can't fly a helicopter for shit). The resistance is already well formed, and has massive bunkers and hangars filled with a seemingly inexhaustible supply of planes and military hardware. Hey, here's a thought, your enemy is an indestructible robot army that has the foresight enough to have little robots come out of the larger machines. These robots (including a hobo terminator) require no sleep, and possess scanners that allow these machines to hunt down humans. So these robots, which have the foresight enough to actually create "Hydro-bots" in case those pesky humans decide water might be a viable option to escape, can't find the only band of humans flanked by all the military equipment, that seems to be only a few miles away from the large Cyberdyne headquarters.

(HOBO-Nator)
Oh, and did I mention that nothing that happens in this movie is of any consequence to anything? It's true.

See this? This doesn't happen in the movie. You don't get to see this. You get to see running away, and dust, and crashes and Bryce Dallas Howard's cross-eyed acting.

There are a few cool sequences, like the robot motorcycle chase, and John Connor's fight towards the end was the only time I actually had a smile on my face. But the movie is shenanigans. It made me appreciate the finer nuances of "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past". Four hours ago, I would've sworn of the 2 giant robot fighting movies we get this summer, at least this one won't be as stupid as the other. Now I'm starting to regret those words.

I obviously have a fondness for the third movie, because of the circumstances under which I saw it, but this movie makes the third one seem like Blade Runner. (The final cut, even). At least that movie had some balls. This one is all flash and noise.

Goddamn this movie goes full retard.

Box Office & Demons

Dude here again. Well, another big week is upon us. I feel that the weekend numbers are beginning to lose their luster. I feel that if there's a disappointingly low week at the box office, THAT will be worth reporting. As it stands, I just type these large numbers and stand back. Hoping they impress you.

So are you impressed yet?

This weekend, another DaVinci Code movie-type movie is released, this one with Tom Hanks, not Nicolas Cage. And lots of money was made by all. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Angels & Demons (Sony) - $48.0, 3527 screens, week 1, $74.0 total

2. Star Trek (Par) $43.0, 3860 screens, week 2, $147.6 total

3. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Fox)- $14.8, 3892 screens, week 3, $151.0 total

4. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (WB) - $6.8, 3150 screens, week 3, $40.0 total

5. Obsessed (ScrGm) - $4.5, 2634 screens, week 4, $62.5 total

6. 17 Again (WB) - $3.4, 2450 screens, week 5, $58.3 total

7. Monsters Vs. Aliens (Par/DW) - $3.0, 1951 screens, week 8, $190.5 total

8. The Soloist (Par/DW)- $2.4, 2022 screens, week 3, $27.5 total

9. Next Day Air (Sum)- $2.2, 1339 screens, week 2, $7.6 total

10. Earth (BV)- $1.6, 1584 screens, week 4, $29.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means people like it when Tom Hanks cuts his hair and opens up a can of whoop-ass on the Vatican. That's what I think the movie's about anyway. There are two certainties: Angels & Demons didn't perform as well as its predecessor, and the film contained neither angels NOR demons. I declare shenanigans.

Meanwhile, Star Trek continues along a nice path, dropping only 42% from last week. Impressive, and it stands that this Star Trek is the most successful Star Trek film in the history of the entire franchise.

Wolverine, however, continues to disappoint fans across the land with his antics. And Management, a film with Steve Zahn and Jennifer Anniston opened up on...

Whoa! Whilst writing this unbelievable report, I just experienced an earthquake! Crazy! I never feel those! Last time I was rocking out in car to Europe and had no idea it happened. But this time, I wasn't rocking out to Europe. Not too hard.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, Terminators and museum folk clash!

Until next weekend.......

I wanted to write a post...

...about how the Six Flags mascot guy has got to stop.

But then this guy at Cracked.com beat me to it. And he did it in a way that perfectly sums up my feelings. So instead of me just rehashing the same argument with slightly different (yet just as hilarious) metaphors, I'll direct you to him.

It's like someone's been filming my dreams!

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

The last shot seriously melted my face right off.

I instantly had to watch it again.

And it just melted right back off.

Box Office Report: Deep Space 9

Dude here again. The SummerMovieXXXplosion(TM) continues in grand scale, on this mother's day weekend. Last year I made my mom write up the box office report while she was also doing my laundry. (She insisted upon the laundry because I always screw it up). This year I decided to be kind, and not ask her to do the write up again. But she did feel the need to make comments on everything, the way moms do.

But then I got called into work, and was unable to keep up the gag, so I'm just gonna report some numbers really quickly.

This weekend, Star Trek goes the reboot route and takes on the clawed one. It's a battle of FX! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Star Trek (Par) $72.5, 3849 screens, week 1, $76.5 total

2. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Fox)- $27.0, 4102 screens, week 2, $129.6 total

3. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (WB) - $10.4, 3175 screens, week 2, $30.2 total

4. Obsessed (ScrGm) - $6.6, 2602 screens, week 3, $56.2 total

5. 17 Again (WB) - $4.4, 2903 screens, week 4, $54.4 total

6. Next Day Air (Sum)- $4.0, 1338 screens, week 1, $4.0 total

7. The Soloist (Par/DW)- $3.6, 2090 screens, week 2, $23.5 total

8. Monsters Vs. Aliens (Par/DW) - $3.3, 2185 screens, week 7, $186.8 total

9. Earth (BV)- $2.4, 1794 screens, week 3, $26.0 total

10. Hannah Montana The Movie (BV) - $2.4, 2301 screens, week 5, $74.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Star Trek fans decided to accept this new incarnation of their beloved series. Which is good, because the movie rocks. In spite of the excessive use of lens flare, which is honestly my only complaint about the entire thing. That's how nerdy I am, people. But being that this is summer, there must be some sort of records broken, so how about "Biggest Star Trek Opening Weekend EVER!" It's not flashy, but it'll do on short notice.

Meanwhile, Next Day Air opened. I'm not really sure what this movie is, but I'm pretty sure it has Mos Def, which means that I will eventually wind up seeing the movie. You just can't deny the appeal of Mos Def.

Wolverine, in a shock to nobody who writes or reads these box office reports week after week, dropped sharply, but continues to dupe fanboys out of money. Just less money this week. And it's probably money made from dorks who couldn't get into Star Trek. Just a theory.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, Tom Hanks joins the fray and pisses off the Catholic Church once again.

Until next weekend.......

Star Trek

Yeah, it's just as awesome as everyone's saying it is.

It's enormously entertaining and supremely satisfying.


It has spaceships and lasers and explosions, but it's not as in your face as the "This is not your father's Star Trek" marketing campaign would lead you to believe. It's just a solid, fun time at the movies that doesn't insult your intelligence one bit, and can be accessible to fans and non-fans alike.

The casting is solid. Naturally, my inclination towards a favorite would be Simon Pegg's portrayal of Scotty. (I made him laugh one time, you know). But lo and behold, Karl Urban steps up to the plate and knocks it out of the park. Thank Odin we have Karl Urban in our lives. You can argue the merits of Kirk and Spock, or Tyler Perry's inexplicable role, or Winona Ryder's make-up. Give me Karl Urban!

I had a huge grin on my face from start to finish, and I honestly can't wait to see it again. And not just because I had to pee really bad that it caused me some kidney pain in the last 20 minutes, causing me to lose focus.

Seriously, I've peed twice since I left the theater 50 minutes ago, and they still kinda hurt.

Oh, but as exuberant and unbelievably jazzed by the flick as I am... Enough with the goddamn lens flare!

Box Office Report: SummerMovieXXXplosion(TM) BEGINS!!!

Dude here again. The SummerMovieXXXplosion(TM) began this weekend, but I didn't participate. And it's not because of Swine Flu fears. The beauty about my bloodstream is that due to years of neglect and poor choices, it's not really blood anymore

And that's why I can't be killed by conventional weaponry.

This weekend, Jackman straps on the claws once again, and Matthew McConaughey is in a movie, which is cause enough for celebration. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Fox)- $87.0, 4099 screens, week 1, $87.0 total

2. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (WB) - $15.3, 3175 screens, week 1, $15.3 total

3. Obsessed (ScrGm) - $12.2, 2514 screens, week 2, $47.0 total

4. 17 Again (WB) - $6.3, 3255 screens, week 3, $48.4 total

5. Monsters Vs. Aliens (Par/DW) - $5.8, 2626 screens, week 6, $182.4 total

6. The Soloist (Par/DW)- $5.6, 2033 screens, week 2, $18.1 total

7. Earth (BV)- $4.1, 1804 screens, week 2, $21.8 total

8. Fighting (Rog) $4.1, 2312 screens, week 2, $17.5 total

9. Hannah Montana The Movie (BV) - $4.0, 2819 screens, week 4, $70.8 total

10. State of Play (Uni)- $3.6, 2445 screens, week 3, $30.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that a movie that was released on the internet a month ago, that's met with some horrible reviews, can still make bank, so long as Jackman takes off his shirt, the masses will come. No records are broken here, which is a very disappointing way to open up SummerMovieXXXplosion(TM), but still a respectable enough debut to alleviate the fears of FOx execs who thought this whole interweb leaking would take a significant chunk of dough away from their disappointing movie about claw guy.

Meanwhile, Matthew McConaughey continues to make movies. Even if I am the only person who ever actually WANTS to see those movies. Amazing.

Something called Battle For Terra, which is a 3-D animated sci-fi flick, which naturally sounds like it's up my alley, thought it had a chance of attracting people who couldn't get into Wolverine, fared poorly, taking in just over $1 million for the weekend. At least it's not Delgo.

Also below the radar, in an attempt to counter-program, a new Jim Jarmusch movie opened up. It's called The Limits of Control, it has Bill Murray in a small role, and it opened on 3 screens to the tune of $54,000, 2nd highest average after Wolverine. So there you go.

There you have my amazingly depressing break down. Next week, SummerMovieXXXplosion(TM) continues with another "reboot", and more shocking record percentage drops!

Until next weekend.......

Cat in a box!

To make you smile.

Cat In A Box @ Yahoo! Video

Unless you hate cats. Which means you're evil.

How am I not aware of this movie until today?!?!?

It has everything I love about movies, all rolled into one tidy package!
Double-you, tee eff, man?



There's just so much going on here that it blows my monkey-fightin' mind! Oldman AND McConaughey! As brothers!!!

And did you see the rest of the family? This movie is second only to Rambo as far as perfection of cinema is concerned!

I'm disappointed in myself for not being aware of this motion picture. My co-workers are even more disappointed that I wasn't aware of this film. Rest assured, however, it's forced it's way to the top of my Netflix queue (past Surfer, Dude, even!) and I spent the rest of the day having what I like to refer to as a "McConaugh-day", which involves me speaking like him all day long.

(I can't wait until his new shitty movie comes out. I plan on going to a showing and doing a running commentary, in character, about what it must have been like to make this movie. It's gonna be fantastic).*

Box Office Report: In Memorium

Dude here again. I'm really depressed about the passing of Bea Arthur. I know it sounds silly, but it' true. She was more than just a golden girl, she was Maude! But she was Bea Arthur. She was lovely and fantastic.

Thank you Bea Arthur. Thank you for being a friend.

This weekend, Beyonce stars in a Fatal Attraction rip-off... excuse me, I mean re-imagining. Plus a movie called Fighting, which is probably just what I thought it would be. Because it's called Fighting. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Obsessed (ScrGm) - $28.5, 2514 screens, week 1, $28.5 total

2. 17 Again (WB) - $11.6, 3255 screens, week 2, $39.9 total

3. Fighting (Rog) $11.4, 2309 screens, week 1, $11.4 total

4. The Soloist (Par/DW)- $9.7, 2024 screens, week 1, $9.7 total

5. Earth (BV)- $8.55, 1804 screens, week 1, $14.2 total (Wed open)

6. Monsters Vs. Aliens (Par/DW) - $8.52, 3358 screens, week 5, $174.8 total

7. State of Play (Uni)- $6.8, 2807 screens, week 2, $25.1 total

8. Hannah Montana The Movie (BV) - $6.3, 3231 screens, week 3, $65.5 total

9. Fast and Furious (Uni)- $6.0, 3566 screens, week 4, $145.2 total

10. Crank: High Voltage (LGF) - $2.4, 2223 screens, week 2, $11.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means... No. I'm too bummed to continue this. Give a moment, and thank Bea Arthur for all the laughter and joy (or fear) she's brought you through the years.

There you have my amazingly depressing break down. Next week, SummerMovieXXXplosion(TM) kick off with both Wolverine AND a Matthew McConaughey romantic comedy. Things are looking up. Even if Bea Arthur is gone.

Until next weekend.......

Oh, and Crank: High Voltage?

Quite possibly best movie of the year. AT the very least, it's the most surprising film of the year, being that you'll have no idea what they're going to do next.

It's exactly like the first movie, but with more tits. Whereas seeing the original Crank made you feel like you were at a sleazy strip club, this movie makes that metaphoric strip club feel like a church in comparison.

So really, you should stop reading this and go see Crank 2 and prepare to have your face melted off. And if you have a young child, make sure you bring them along.

Teach them right!

(That was totally directed towards T-Bone's son).

Happy Earth Day, Earth

I've been delayed on my Dolph-Fest write up. Thank the Megastorm for that. In the meantime, enjoy this and celebrate Earth!

Green Team from Will Ferrell

Box Office Report Again

Dude here again. I'm a little wiped out. Last night I attended the Dolph Lundgren Film Festival. As a child, I could only dream of such things. And until last night, it remained a dream. And then, well kids, it's fair to say that every once in awhile, a dream can come true. Suffice it to say, my butt hurts from how much ass the event kicked.

And it has nothing to do with the uncomfortable seats in the theater I was in for 10 hours.

This weekend, The fast and the furious have moved on, and Jason Statham tries his turn. And some kid named Zac Efron gets to star in a movie. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. 17 Again (WB) - $24.0, 3255 screens, week 1, $24.0 total

2. State of Play (Uni)- $14.0, 2803 screens, week 1, $14.0 total

3. Monsters Vs. Aliens (Par/DW) - $12.9, 3662 screens, week 4, $162.7 total

4. Hannah Montana The Movie (BV) - $12.6, 3118 screens, week 2, $56.1 total

5. Fast and Furious (Uni)- $12.2, 3674 screens, week 3, $136.7 total

6. Crank: High Voltage (LGF) - $6.5, 2223 screens, week 1, $6.5 total

7. Observe and Report (WB) - $4.0, 2727 screens, week 2, $18.6 total

8. Knowing (Sum) $4.0, 2405 screens, week 5, $73.6 total

9. I Love You, Man (Par/DW)- $3.3, 2202 screens, week 5, $64.6 total

10. The Haunting in Connecticut (LGF)- $3.1, 2255 screens, week 4, $51.9 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means Zac Efron is the 2009 LeBouf! Look for him to appear in a live action GoBots movie next summer. Mark my words. But 17 Again took the top spot this weekend. In an unrelated note, this film is NOT a prequel to the George Burns/Charlie Schlatter vehicle from 1988, where the two leads switch bodies. That was a big trend in movies for awhile back in the late 1980s. Does this Efron mean that we'll have more of those movies again?

State of Play, starring Russell Crowe and Ben Affleck of all people, took in a respectable $14 million. This is remarkable for two reasons: it signals the waning decline of smart thrillers, and it provides reporters with another excuse to bring up that time Russell Crowe was angry and threw a phone at a dude's head. (See how I slyly did it? That's why I get paid the big bucks, people).

Sadly, Crank: High Voltage failed to spark any wattage with audiences, taking in about half the previous installment's opening weekend bow. (I feel shame). My friend Omar was compelled to text me from the middle of the movie, though, and he wrote thusly: "Watching Crank 2. This is one of the craziest movies I have ever seen!" So, obviously, I needed to spread the word around to check it out. Because Omar LOVED the original Crank. I had a lot of texts from him while he was watching that. If I'm not mistaken, one said "Praise God for bestowing us a motion picture like Crank!". True story.

What the hell is going on with Knowing? How did it make over $70 million? What bizarre Nic Cage-iverse am I living in? And why isn't Dolph Lundgren in any of these movies in the top ten?!?!?

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, the calm before the storm of SummerMovieXXXplosion(TM)!! Although with the numbers all year, are the weekend numbers going to a surprise to anybody? I predict not.

Until next weekend.......

It's Friday. You ain't got no job, you ain't got shit to do...

So watch these fun videos I'm posting!



They mostly involve Aliens versing Predator.



Actually, they're all about that.



Okay, so in honor of Jason Statham, whose Crank: High Voltage opens today, which I am disappointed in myself for not going to the midnight show last night (what can I say, I'm too old for this shit, Riggs)*, here is the only way you can make Jason Statham's Death Race even more AWESOME. It sort of gives away cool moments of the film, if you haven't already seen the flick yet.



That's what I got.

Box Office Report: Easter Weekend

Dude here again. This weekend is feeling a little less fast and furious than last week. It was just a passing trend, like snap bracelets or my engagement. But this week there promises to be something that, while not quite either fast or furious, could be seen as infuriating. Particularly if you have children who love Disney channel. Not my kids, though. Because I don't have any kids.

That are in this country.

This weekend, The not really (but apparently so) anticipated motion picture debut of Hannah Montana opened up against a movie everybody dismissed as Paul Blart 2. On Easter weekend, no less. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Hannah Montana The Movie (BV) - $34.0, 3118 screens, week 1, $34.0 total

2. Fast and Furious (Uni)- $28.7, 3472 screens, week 2, $118.0 total

3. Monsters Vs. Aliens (Par/DW) - $22.6, 4136 screens, week 3, $141.0 total

4. Observe and Report (WB) - $11.1, 2727 screens, week 1, $11.1 total

5. Knowing (Sum) $6.6, 2925 screens, week 4, $68.0 total

6. I Love You, Man (Par/DW)- $6.4, 2643 screens, week 4, $58.9 total

7. The Haunting in Connecticut (LGF)- $5.7, 2721 screens, week 3, $46.2 total

8. Dragonball Evolution (Fox) - $4.6, 2181 screens, week 1, $4.6 total

9. Adventureland (Mir) - $3.4, 1876 screens, week 2, $11.4 total

10. Duplicity (Uni)- $2.9, 1965 screens, week 4, $36.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Miley Cyrus can pack in the kids. This time, doing a fictional narrative as opposed to her 3-D concert event from last year, Hannah Montana made a tidy profit. Far much better than her Jonas Brothers peers from a few weeks ago. (Remember that movie? No? Strange...) The G-rating probably helped attract whole families who didn't really want to go see it in the first place, but had to shut up the screaming tween girl in their presence.

Observe and Report, the dark side of mall cop obsession with Seth Rogen as one of the more unlikable characters this side of Fred Simmons, took the fourth spot. Honestly, having seen this movie, I'm impressed it did that well. The movie is dark and twisted and far from everybody's cup of tea. Naturally, I loved it.

Fast and Furious suffered an almost 60% drop in it's second weekend, but that's still not enough to quell talks of a fifth (5!) Fast and Furious movie, which will now simply be referred to as Fasturious.

And this week, Fox once again tries to wipe egg off its face with the pathetic release of Dragonball Evolution. After this, 12 Rounds, and Street Fighter, not to mention the interweb release of Wolverine a month early, Fox isn't looking too good these days. Yeah, that Watchmen lawsuit probably didn't pay off as well as they were hoping either, as Watchmen proved to not be the huge hit everyone thought it would be.

But Watchmen does rock. Despite the fact I read somewhere that someone shot themselves in the head and killed themselves during a showing of it.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, the only sequel to a movie I've ever wanted: Crank 2. something else comes out, too, but who cares?

Until next weekend.......

If you live in LA, check this out this week.

If you live out of LA, also check it out when it comes your way. I'll get into it a bit more detail later, but you should check out Skills Like This. It's a fun, funny movie that makes you smile. In a good way.

Not in a creepy uncle kinda way.

Again, I'll get into it more later, but you have to check it out this week in LA if you're gonna check it out. But most certainly seek this flick out when it comes around to you. All info is at the website, which you can click on the title above or you can click here.

www.skillslikethis.com

12 Rounds

12 Rounds of bullshit nonsense.

Have you said to yourself recently "Man, I wish I could see a movie that's the inbred retarded offspring of Speed and Die Hard 3. Starring a giant tree trunk of a man with absolutely no charisma."?


If you answered yes, 12 Rounds is the movie for you. I never stopped smiling at how stupid it was. Bearing that in mind, this films is several shades of stupid. Borderline retarded.

Just look at this poster


Look at how much they're trying to make John Cena look like Keanu in Speed. But this movie isn't Speed. !2 Rounds is the Crystal Pepsi to Speed's original formula RC.

I liked John Cena's previous movie The Marine. It had a lot of fireballs chasing people in slow motion, and it had some truly bizarre touches like the bit about the criminal who hates rock candy. The Marine felt like if it came out in the late 80s with Van Damme as it's star. It's craptastic fun. 12 Rounds, not so much fun as much as it's crap.

And if you are to believe this movie, New Orleans has the absolute worst drivers in the country. They're always running red lights or blowing past inteersections willy nilly at high speeds. Seriously. EVERY INTERSECTION.

Man, this movie is stupid.

Box Office Fast, Report Furious

Dude here again. I'm feeling a little fast and furious this weekend. I don't know if I'm 2 fast or 2 furious. That might be stretching things a little bit. But tomorrow morning, when the cute girl in the coffee shop asks how my weekend was, I can say with all certainty that my weekend was indeed both fast AND furious. Of course, I'll probably just mumble those words and run away, like I do every time I talk to a pretty lady.

I have confidence issues.

This weekend, it's like summer all over again, as another wide release dominates all others. How long will this trend continue? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Fast and Furious (Uni)- $72.5, 3461 screens, week 1, $72.5 total

2. Monsters Vs. Aliens (Par/DW) - $33.5, 4109 screens, week 2, $105.7 total

3. The Haunting in Connecticut (LGF)- $9.5, 2732 screens, week 2, $37.2 total

4. Knowing (Sum) $8.1, 3323 screens, week 3, $58.2 total

5. I Love You, Man (Par/DW)- $7.8, 2829 screens, week 3, $49.2 total

6. Adventureland (Mir) - $6.0, 1862 screens, week 1, $6.0 total

7. Duplicity (Uni)- $4.3, 2522 screens, week 3, $32.3 total

8. Race to Witch Mountain (BV) - $3.3, 2825 screens, week 4, $58.3 total

9. 12 Rounds (Fox) - $2.3, 2331 screens, week 2, $9.0 total

10. Sunshine Cleaning (Over) - $1.8, 479 screens, week 4, $4.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that by losing every instance of "The" in the title, Fast and Furious wildly exceeded expectations and had the biggest April opening OF ALL TIME! It also prompted millions of impressionable jackasses to imitate the actions of the film in their Hyundais in movie theatre parking lots across the country. By moving from a summer position to the beginning of April, this gamble paid off. Expect more records to be broken next week when Fast and Furious suffers a wide percentage drop.

The only other new wide release this weekend, Adventureland, did not fare nearly as well, as Fast and Furious made twelve times as much money. Far cry from Superbad, the last film from the director of this film.

Monsters V Aliens racked up some more coin, prompting the makers of the film Outlander to change their name to far friendlier title "Vikings Vs. Aliens" in an attempt to snare confused moviegoers.

And this week we bid a fond farewell to a mainstay over thee past 9 weeks. I speak of Liam Neeson's Taken. Show your respect and bow down before Neeson.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, fewer records will be broken. Why? Because we live in a world that's fast AND furious, baby.

Until next weekend.......

You hear Wolverine was leaked online?

And I got it right here:

Wolverine ENTIRE MOVIE Leaked Online - watch more funny videos