Tuesday, October 30, 2012


Really stupid.
To offset this I need the power of Wolverine and Gangnam Style. Hopefully the internet can help me out with...

Bravo, internet. Well done.

Also, this exists, which may help restore balance to the universe. 

I made these guys laugh once...

Monday, October 29, 2012

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


Rob wrote this. His wife Shana directed it. If you like it, please click on the "FUNNY" button, then spread it via the interwebs and social networking sites that all the kids love these days that they made that movie that everyone thought was amazing when it was really just ok.

Yeah. Enjoy!

Hysteresis - watch more funny videos     

Thursday, October 11, 2012


I've seen movies that I fail to report on.

EXPENDABLES 2: Better than Expendables 1, but still pretty stupid and a bit of a wasted opportunity. Still had a hell of a fun time watching it though, in almost the exact same circumstances as the original. (ie. Buncha inebriated jerks at the 11 PM show at the Arclight Dome on a Tuesday night. Still, nobody enjoyed it more in that theater than us).

HELLO I MUST BE GOING: Indie film, quiet, with a great performance from Melanie Lynsky and a downright weird performance from some weird manchild that really got my goat and made me enjoy the film less. Still, if you like supporting indie movies of people coming to terms with the problems in their lives, you could do a lot worse.

THE MASTER: It's a picture. It has great performances and a great score. And it was shot in 70mm!! The perfect cinematic way to capture two people talking! Overall, the whole doesn't quite match the sum of it's parts, which I believe is the phrase I used to describe Babel. It's not bad, not by a longshot, but it certainly is boring, and everyone who tells you that you just don't get it is full of shit.

RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION: This is my friend Larry's description of it: "I feel somewhat ashamed but I have seen the new Resident Evil twice... once to confirm its majesty...and I declare it to be a trash masterpiece of the highest order...It was described by a friend as total "Broverload," If you like pulverizing, concussive, mildly brain damaging excess run to the multiplex... Best Paul WS Anderson since "Event Horizon".  It's the best one out of all of them, actualizes the full potential of the Rez Evil franchise... Seriously, it's really good... I am not trolling... And although I disagree with him often, I really like Armond White for daring to challenge filmdom intelligentsia ( those annoying people at the Arclight who are already reverent about films they are watching for the first time because it rated really well on Rotten Tomatoes and they read the New Yorker review. (see: Shame).
I'd rather drink paint thinner then have to suffer through another one of those Precious Pantone Yawners.". Best viewed in LIE-MAX, where the noise assaults you in the stupidest way possible.

LAWLESS: Worth the price of admission alone for the scene where Guy Pearce beats the ever loving shit out of Shia Labouf! Otherwise, it's not bad, with some pretty cool moments, but there's definitely pacing issues and a strange sense of Weinstein-tampering in the film's scope and reach. Still, that scene is tops, plus Tom Hardy gets to be another badass you can't understand and you see Jessica Chastain topless!

DREDD 3D:  All my Karl Urban Love aside, this might be the greatest movie I saw all year. It's certainly the most badass. It's dark, violent, grimy, violent, bloody, violent, dumb, awesome and violent. See it in 3D on the biggest screen possible. It's a B movie, but it's light years better than the Stallone one. (Except in set design, there's something about the Blade Runner ripoff aesthetic of Danny Cannon's original thatbI dig). Still, see this badass flick twice!
He's practically daring you to go see it.

LOOPER: I dug it. The more I think about it, the more I like it. Sure, it's a sci-fi future flick that spends the last hour on a farm. And sure most of the logic might not make a whole lick of sense. But any movie that involves Paul Dano being vivisected is alright by me. One weird note: They made J-GO-Lev look like Bruce Willis with hair and face make-up, but they really just turned him into Jason Street from Friday Night Lights. I digress, check out this flick if you likfe violent sci fi that's more tame than DREDD. 

Also, of fun note, running through my stats, I noticed that I stil get the most hits on my blog for this image of "CUATO", so anytime someone's looking for a picture and misspells "KUATO", for like the past 3 years, my blog is one of the top Google sites for it!

I still think any friends with recently born babies should make this their Halloween costume.