Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Damn Fine Interweb Television

So, this is one of those streaming web shows. It's not very good, and is almost cringe inducing. Seriously. I'll hold onto my opinions about everything involving this show out of a modicum of respect for the fact that they have their own show, and I sit here and bitch and moan on my blog. But it's seriously painful.

However, this particular episode features a goddamn genius. Go to any moment in the show (it is very long, and definitely not appropriate for a work environment, so feel free to skip around) and listen to the guy in the sunglasses speak. He makes it all worthwhile. He is also the director of the music videos, which are also worth checking out. (Again, they are not safe for the work environment. At least the final one is).

So check it out.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

They've finally answered my Prayers! The Secret truly DOES work!!

Thank you, Universe!

Another Box Office Report

Dude here again. How about this Bigfoot discovery? Between that, the Chupacabra filmed running along the Mexican border, and that Montauk Monster, it's a pretty exciting time to be around! This just means that every movie is right. Always remember that. Movies never lie. And neither do people who bring monsters to the public eye.

This weekend, it finally happened. The Unthinkable. Batman has been dethroned. And a Star Wars movie didn't open to the number one spot either. Many a tear is shed. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Tropic Thunder (Par/DW) - $26.0, 3319 screens, week 1, $37.0 total (wed open)

2. The Dark Knight (WB)- $16.7, 3590 screens, week 5, $471.4 total

3. Star Wars: Clone Wars (WB)- $15.5, 3452 screens, week 1, $15.5 total

4. Mirrors (Fox)- $11.1, 2664 screens, week 1, $11.1 total

5. Pineapple Express (Sony) $10.0, 3072 screens, week 2, $62.9 total

6. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (Uni) - $8.6, 3363 screens, week 3, $86.6 total

7. Mamma Mia! (Uni) - $6.4, 2771 screens, week 5, $116.4 total

8. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (WB) - $5.9, 2714 screens, week 2, $32.1 total

9. Step Brothers (Sony) - $5.0, 2648 screens, week 4, $90.8 total

10. Vicky Cristina Barcelona (MGM/Wein) - $3.7, 692 screens, week 1, $3.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, like I said before, Batman is no longer number one. Sure, it surpassed the original Star Wars in terms of all time gross, and is the #2 movie of all time (where it will most likely stay for a long time). But Ben Stiller knocked him down. The Focker beat Batman. Granted, he had help from Iron Man and Danny McBride, but still. Tropic Thunder takes the cake for the weak. It's the same sort of celebration Lost In Space had when it finally knocked off Titanic from the top spot.

And Star Wars: Clone Wars met with terrible reviews. TERRIBLE reviews. And came in third, making this the first Star Wars movie to a) not open at #1; b) not have the 20th Century Fox Logo; c) or the opening crawl; and d) not have John Williams music. I don't even think it should be considered a Star Wars movie, but apparently since Yoda's in it, it does. I wish Samuel L. Jackson did his voice over in the manner we all wish he would.

Mirrors. There's a horror movie called Mirrors that also opened this weekend. I'm too tired to think of a pun related to reflecting a gross, but it did just alright. And the new Woody Allen movie, Vicky Cristina Barcelona took in $3.7 million, which is really really good for a Woody Allen opening.

Below the radar, Fly Me To The Moon, a 3-D movie about flies going into space, took in $2 million on 452 screens. As we've learned from this summer, nobody wants to see movies about animals going into space. Unless they're chimps. Space Chimps. Also, Henry Poole Is Here, a spiritually uplifting movie that stars Luke Wilson. It took in $800,000 on just over 500 screens. That's already better than Idiocracy. Which is a shame, because Idiocracy is basically the harsh reality version of Wall-E.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, if it's the end of summer, there must be a Jason Statham movie coming out... DEATH RACE!

Until next weekend....

Sunday, August 10, 2008

The Box Office Report returns to normal

Dude here again. I've returned to normal, linear narrative this week. (And no, I did not do that specifically so I could be in a world where Space Chimps tops a list). However, because I've become mildly obsessed with Christopher Nolan in the past few weeks, I've decided this week should be written in the style of Nolan's 2002 film Insomnia. By which I mean this is a reasonably done adaptation of a Norwegian original.

This weekend, yet another contender steps up to the plate to take down the winged one. And once again, there is a failure to do so. But it was close, and it looks like next week, Batman might be de-throned. But that's neither here nor there. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Dark Knight (WB)- $26.0, 4025 screens, week 4, $441.5 total

2. Pineapple Express (Sony) $22.4, 3072 screens, week 1, $40.4 total (wed. open)

3. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (Uni) - $16.1, 3778 screens, week 2, $70.6 total

4. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (WB) - $10.7, 2707 screens, week 1, $19.7 total (wed. open)

5. Step Brothers (Sony) - $8.9, 3182 screens, week 3, $80.9 total

6. Mamma Mia! (Uni) - $8.0, 3194 screens, week 4, $104.0 total

7. Journey To The Center of the Earth 3-D (NL) - $4.8, 1970 screens, week 5, $81.7 total

8. Hancock (Sony)- $3.3, 2258 screens, week 6, $221.7 total

9. Swing Vote (BV)- $3.1, 2213 screens, week 2, $12.0 total

10. Wall-E (BV) - $3.0, 2144 screens, week 7, $210.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Seth Rogen and James Franco lit a spliff and did their damnedest, but they were unable to wrest the number one spot from Batman. People like the Batman. It is now the number 3 highest grossing film of all time. Just after Star Wars and Titanic. Pineapple Express, however, opened up on Wednesday and took in $40 million over those five days. Mighty impressive.

More importantly, the most anticipated sequel of the summer, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, opened up on Wednesday as well, and didn't perform nearly as well as it should have. This might be more devastating than Space Chimps fiasco of last month. How can audiences miss the continuing adventures of... those girls and their... pants?

The Mummy suffers a steep stumble in it's second week, and it's possible the OTHER Brendan Fraser movie this year will prove to be the more successful. Or, they're evenly matched. And Mamma Mia crossed $100 million while we were paying attention the bat movie.

(You like how I made not one, but TWO Space Chimps references in one article? I will never let this movie die).

Below the radar, Bottle Shock, a movie about wine, opened up on 48 screens and took in $295,000, while Beer For My Horses, a film I'm presuming is about beer and horses and revenge, took in $226,000 on 98 screens. And Hell Ride, hands down, easily the worst movie I've seen this year, took in $83,500 on 82 screens. That's far too much money for that movie. It's... it's just awful. But it should be awesome. But it's just not.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, Tropic Thunder rolls in, and an animated Star Wars movie opens up. That's a movie I completely forgot was coming out until just this moment.

Until next weekend....

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Edition Inspired Memento: Report Office Box

Until next weekend....

There you have my amazing break down honoring the previous works of Christopher Nolan. Next week, I return to normal, and we get another Apatow movie with my nemesis Seth Rogen! But the biggest blockbuster of the summer will open, too- Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2! I got my ticket for the midnight show already. Oh, and some Olympics are happening too, but who cares when we got traveling pants!

Below the radar, some amazingly titled movies opened in limited release. Well, only one, really. Midnight Meat Train opened up on 102 screens, none of which are near me, and took in $32,000. There's a history about this film and it's none release that I will not mention because I'm lazy and having too much trouble figuring out the backwards thing. Also, In Search Of A Midnight Kiss opened up on 2 screens and took in $14,000. All I know is they should have combined the two movies and made "In Search of a Midnight Meat Train Kiss". Actually, that sounds disturbingly pornographic.

Where was I? Oh right, Swing Vote. Yeah, it didn't really attract a lot of viewers. But it's Kevin Costner, and he tends to have some draw, I think. Right? What was the last movie Costner was in? I'm totally drawing a blank. The only movie that comes to my mind is The Postman. And that movie rocks, because it's about the post apocalyptic wasteland AND it has Tom Petty playing himself.

I would like to point out that while The Dark Knight took the top spot, Brendan Fraser managed to draw in more people to his movies, as he stars in the number 2 and 5 movies this weekend. Take of that what you will, but I think it just means that our lives will be Fraser-ized for a long time to come. Long live the Encino Man!

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Batman made more money. Broke some more records. Big surprise. However, the numbers between this and The Mummy are very close, and being that these are estimates, it's possible that Universal could pull off an upset. Regardless, Dark Knight continues it's dominance, and may indeed break $500 million in domestic gross. Then it will struggle to reach the Titanic record, unless you nerds out there keep buying those tickets!

10. Space Chimps (Fox) $2.8, 2134 screens, week 3, $22.0 total

9. X-Files: I Want To Believe (Fox) - $3.4, 3185 screens, week 2, $17.0 total

8. Wall-E (BV) - $4.7, 2555 screens, week 6, $204.2 total

7. Hancock (Sony)- $5.2, 2782 screens, week 5, $215.9 total

6. Swing Vote (BV)- $6.3, 2213 screens, week 1, $6.3 total

5. Journey To The Center of the Earth 3-D (NL) - $6.8, 2285 screens, week 4, $73.1 total

4. Mamma Mia! (Uni) - $13.1, 3062 screens, week 3, $87.9 total

3. Step Brothers (Sony) - $16.3, 3094 screens, week 2, $62.9 total

2. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (Uni) - $42.4, 3760 screens, week 1, $42.4 total

1. The Dark Knight (WB)- $43.8, 4266 screens, week 3, $394.8 total

This weekend, Brendan Fraser steps up and tries to take down the Batman. He doesn't succeed, but comes awfully close. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

(And I bet the guys at the site will think I formatted it wrong, too. But they shouldn't believe their eyes).

Dude here again. It looks like The Dark Knight has once again conquered the top of the box office. In honor of director Christopher Nolan, I've decided to construct this box office report the same way as Nolan's break out film Memento. I briefly considered writing the entire thing backwards, but that's just a lot of work for a lot of confusion. And this is hard enough as it is. Seriously. And I bet you there will be mass confusion until you finish this paragraph.