Saturday, June 30, 2007

Don't be fooled

You may be at your local video store. Your eyes scan the shelves looking for something new. You spot a movie about a giant crocodile. You think to yourself "A movie about a killer crocodile can't be bad, right? Lake Placid kicked a fair amoount of ass."

Don't let this be you. Make no mistake, Primeval is NOT Lake Placid. Far from it. It makes Lake Placid look like Citizen Kane. Seriously. Primeval is shenanigans. Save yourself. Don't take the path I did. Save yourselves.


...while BAD =

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Live Free or Dave Hyde


There is no comparison

I'm not seeing Live Free or Die Hard, unless someone else is buying. I don't believe it can be good. I was on the fence for a little while, but ultimately, the rating thing makes me believe that it's not the John McClane I know and love. (And couldn't let prom stop me from seeing opening night).

Luckily Dave Hyde (also known as Turkish Forever in the comments) took one for the team. I now give you his review, via text message*:

"Live Free or Die Hard.. WHY WHY?"
"Just got out. Disappointing. And I wasn't hoping for a lot"

There you have, straight from Dave Hyde, a man we all can trust**.

* I've also received a few more text message reviews for movies I haven't seen. Dan of DanSpeak's take on Hostel 2 is thus: Hostel 2 not as good as 1 needed more boobs and more gore. everything they did I've seen before except there is 1 "Oh Shht" (sic) thing towards the end."

And Valerie (of ValSpeak?) had this to say about 1408: 1408 was solid, by the way.

So there you go.

**Dave Hyde can also be trusted to get annoying classic rock songs stuck in your head. Tim and I have both sang "I've Seen All good People" for WEEKS after going to the movies with him one time. One day, Tim and I got "Carry On My Wayward Son" stuck in our heads, without Dave being around, but we blamed him anyway. Upon hearing this, he confessed that he would have gotten around to it eventually.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Eagle Vs. Shark

Eagle Vs. Shark will always be compared to Napoleon Dynamite, and it's both apt and unfair. The male lead Jarrod (Jermaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords) is pretty much Napoleon's older, Australian cousin. He's precisely what Napoleon will become if he keeps along his path. The films also share a deadpan sensibility that loves showcasing the weird, bizarre, all around freaks and geeks of the world.

But the comparison is unfair because Eagle Vs. Shark has one thing Napoleon didn't: Loren Horsley. Loren plays Lily, a fast food worker who can best be described as the weird girl. Which means that she's weird and adorable and misunderstood by all the "pretty" people around her. And naturally, I have fallen in love with her. If Jarrod is Napoleon Dynamite's cousin, Lily is surely somewhere down the line a distant relative of Amelie and Miranda July in Me and You and Everyone We Know.

This is Eagle Vs. Shark, a strange little film from New Zealand and director Taika Waititi. It's a romantic comedy for the outcasts, like Mr. Dynamite or Punch Drunk Love. It also has a fine visual sense, and some lovely stop motion animated sequences, some dark humor, and some fine performances. In all honesty, freaks and geeks around should come and worship this movie. I wanted to, but there's one thing about the whole movie that turns me off, and while I can recommend the flick, I can't say it will be everybody's cup of tea.

Lily works at Meaty Boy, a fast food burger chain. She waits everyday for Jarrod to show up and order his lunch, as she has an enormous crush on the lad. Jarrod winds up inviting her to a party, where you come dressed as your favorite animal. Lily arrives dressed as a shark. Jarrod was going to be a shark, but an Eagle "is a little better". After impressing him with her video game skills, the two have one of the most awkward sex scene in recent memory, as it ends with him making a threatening phone call.

Jarrod later invites Lily on a journey to his hometown, where he plans on exacting revenge on the bully who beat him up in high school. (Utilizing fighting skills, bowstaff skills, nunchuck skills...) Here Lily meets Jarrod's family, which is sort of tragic if it weren't so damn entertaining at the same time. (Although, some people may find the family as forced weirdness). It helps explain a lot about Jarrod (who loves to claim that he's "too complex"), but it also leads me to a point of contention.

Read no further if you want to see this movie fresh. What I need to say involves the ending, which while you could easily guess what's going to happen given the genre, might still need to surprise a few people.

Have you stopped reading yet?

Okay. Here's my problem with the movie. The move you learn about Jarrod, and how he acts, the more annoying and obnoxious he is. (And watching Clement's performance, I finally understood why my friend Becca hates Napoleon Dynamite.) Jarrod is a jerk. A big jerk. Halfway through, he dumps Lily to focus more on his revenge, leaving Lily behind. He breaks her heart right there, and it's sad. And the rest of the movie gives us Lily kind of being more independent and successful on her own. Lily blossoms, if you'll pardon the pun. And Lily is awesome. Like I said, I totally fell in love with her. And because of this, I think that in the end, when Lily forgives Jarrod, and he starts to become a little less of a jerk, and they get back together, it's false. He doesn't deserve her. Lily is mad cool, and he's still an idiot, and she can do so much better than him. This ending is what made me not love the movie as much as I wanted to.

But my minor griping aside, it's still an entertaining and very bizarre movie. I went with it for a long time, and I thought it was gorgeously shot. The music is really good, too. I had a lot of fun, but I wish the characters could have made better choices for their lives instead of settling for what's right in front of them, even if it is more convenient.

Box Office Report: 6-24-07

Dude here again. I'm beginning to realize that I don't see any of these movies anymore. I only want to watch one movie over and over again. And that movie is Krull. Don't even try to deny how awesome Krull is. Krull will kick your ass and take your names. And many years in the future, once all these flicks below have faded from everyone's memories, what film will withstand the test of time? That's right. Krull. (and maybe Muppet Treasure Island)

This weekend, another sequel comes out and takes the top spot. I'm seriously starting to think I can just write that and leave this paragraph alone for the rest of the summer. I might do that. See? I'm just repeating it from last week's, like I said I would. That's five more minutes of Krull watching. Damn, man. This movie rocks. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Evan Almighty (Uni) - $32.1, 3604 screens, week 1, $32.1 total

2. 1408 (MGM/Dim) - $20.175, 2678 screens, week 1, $20.1 total

3. Fantastic 4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer (Fox) - $20.15, 3963 screens, week 2, $97.6 total

4. Ocean's 13 (WB) - $11.3, 3450 screens, week 3, $91.0 total

5. Knocked Up (Uni) - $10.6, 2975 screens, week 4, $108.98 total

6. Pirates: At World's End (BV) - $7.2, 3329 screens, week 5, $287.0 total

7. Surf's Up (Sony) - $6.7, 3309 screens, week 3, $47.3 total

8. Shrek The Third (Par/DW)- $5.75, 2822 screens, week 6, $307.9 total

9. Nancy Drew (WB) - $4.5, 2612 screens, week 2, $16.19 total

10. A Mighty Heart (ParV) - $4.0, 1355 screens, week 1, $4.0 total

Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that everything just kind of slipped down a spot from last week, so I had less time spent changing the template and more time for watching Krull! And it means that Evan Almighty, billed recently as "the most expensive comedy ever made" with a budget rumored to be around $200 million, seriously underperformed. And when you make $30 million in three days, and that's underperforming, you have some warped values. Let me put this number in perspective for you, you could have made 20 Krulls for 1 Evan Almighty. And they would be more profitable than Evan will ever likely be. It also has some of the worst reviews I've read lately.

1408, however seems to have done pretty well for itself. It will probably continue to freak folks out (I've heard it's creepy) for the next coming weeks, as there are no other horror flicks out for awhile. A Mighty Heart opened up in a select number of screens, and only pulled in $4 million, but it's not the right movie in a summer of overcrowded noisy flicks. In fact, the reason why it made so much is probably because of Angelina Jolie. If it starred Lysette Anthony (of Krull fame), it wouldn't have made a dime.

As far as holdovers go, only Knocked Up and Surf's Up seem to remain, well... up. While not breaking records, they have the smallest drops in their takes from week to week. These flicks have legs. Fantastic Four, meanwhile dropped 65% from last weekend. Pirates looks like it's going to barely squeak by $300 million, and Shrek is slowly trudging along.

Did you know Liam Neeson is in Krull?!? This movie just keeps getting better!
(He's in the background, it's the only picture I could find)

Below the radar, Michael Moore's latest movie "Sicko" opened up on one screen in New York City, and on that one screen, the movie took in $70,000. That is by far the highest per screen average of the week, as it made $70,000 at one location. This despite being leaked onto the internet last week. (I couldn't find it). It bodes well for next week's wider release of the film. Though don't expect Fahrenheit numbers for this one.

And in the "Because It's There" series: DOA: Dead or Alive took in $22,000 on 98 screens, bringing it's grand total to $469,000 in 2 weeks. (For shame people, this movie would have been at least as boss as Krull).

Oh, fun fact: Last weekend Pathfinder took in $300,000. How did this happen? Apparently Fox shipped it to Drive-ins attached to Fantastic Four. I can't believe that movie is making any money, but the drive-in would be an awesome place to see it. Because you could crank up Journey really loud and make the movie better.

There you have my break down. Next week a sequel to a movie a lot of people wanted that's not going to be the sequel any real fans want it to be, thanks to a watered down rating and a director who's like king midas in reverse. (Everything he touches turns to crap). Also, we have a Pixar movie about a rat that will make a mint. Then it's only a week until the big fighting robots,

Until next weekend.... (I'll be watching Krull!)

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Box Office Report: Ummm... today

Dude here again. Feeling hungry? Hungry for box office numbers? Well, like Curtis Mayfield so eloquently crooned, I'm your pusherman. I got what you want. Nay, I got what you NEED.

This weekend, another sequel comes out and takes the top spot. I'm seriously starting to think I can just write that and leave this paragraph alone for the rest of the summer. I might do that. But it will be difficult if a non sequel takes the... who am I kidding, that's not going to happen. Well until the big robot movie maybe. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Fantastic 4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer (Fox) - $57.4, 3959 screens, week 1, $57.4 total

2. Ocean's 13 (WB) - $19.1, 3565 screens, week 2, $69.8 total

3. Knocked Up (Uni) - $14.5, 2907 screens, week 3, $90.48 total

4. Pirates: At World's End (BV) - $12.0, 3329 screens, week 4, $273.757 total

5. Surf's Up (Sony) - $9.3, 3531 screens, week 2, $34.6 total

6. Shrek The Third (Par/DW)- $9.0, 3505 screens, week 5, $297.2 total

7. Nancy Drew (WB) - $7.1, 2612 screens, week 1, $7.1 total

8. Hostel Part II (LGF) - $3.0, 2350 screens, week 2, $14.18 total

9. Mr. Brooks (MGM) - $2.8, 1923 screens, week 3, $23.4 total

10. Spider-Man 3 (Sony) - $2.5, 1822 screens, week 7, $330.0 total

Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, I think it proves that most people don't care if Fantastic Four is good or bad, just so long as it's fun. Having the Silver Surfer in the movie probably helped. No records were broken, as it became only the FOURTH highest June opening. Fun Fact, for a whole year, Hulk had the biggest June opening. Hulk. Just sayin'. But this Fantastic 4 movie opened with a few million more than it's predecessor, which makes the possibility of a third installment inevitable. Awesome.

They made a movie about Nancy Drew? And it stars Eric Roberts' daughter? Weird.

As for the holdovers, they're dropping rapidly. Suddenly it doesn't seem as profitable and huge a summer as previously expected. There are numerous pornographic analogies I could make here, but I'll let you fill in the blanks. Neither Pirates nor Shrek has reached the $300 million mark (though Shrek's mighty close) and Spidey's almost out of the top ten. In fact, this marks the first time in ten weeks that Disturbia isn't on the list. Seems Knocked Up is the only movie with legs this summer, which bodes well for Seth Rogan's next outing, Superbad, later this summer.

Below the radar, a weird looking movie called Eagle Vs. Shark opened on 3 screens and took in $21,000. Oh, and a movie version of the video game DOA: Dead or Alive came out. It stars a bunch of hot chicks, and they fight. And it's the guy who directed The Transporter. (Or at least most of the action scenes in it). This sounds like the most brilliant movie ever made, and I can;t find it playing anywhere near me. It's only on 505 screens and took in $232,000. And none of those screens are near me, and none of that money is mine, and this is one movie I actually don't mind giving my money to. It's HOT CHICKS FIGHTING. C'mon people, this is what we crave most out of cinema. If I were in New Jersey, this is the movie I would take my dad to for Father's Day.

And in the "Because It's There" series: Next took in $92,000 on 188 screens, bringing it's grand total to $17,933,000 in 8 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week a sequel to a movie nobody wanted, a horror movie with John Cusack and Sam Jackson and a disappointing lack of snakes or aircraft, and a movie about killer sheep that is undeniably brilliant.

Until next weekend....

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Fido - The Family Zombie Movie

Just when you thought the zombie movie was, well... dead, along comes Fido, injecting some fresh... life (ugh) into the genre. Shameful puns aside, Fido turns out to be a cheeky and charming film, full of bizarre humor and new uses for zombies. Like love, and companionship. But there's still some good flesh eating and head shots to keep zombie fans such as myself satisfied.

Fido takes place in an alternate 1950s, after a giant space cloud has come and resurrected the dead. A great "zombie war" ensues, and after many lives are lost (and returned), a hero emerges: ZomCon (TM). ZomCon has discovered a way to harness and contain the undead threat, with collars that curb the zombies' natural instinct for human flesh and allows zombies to become productive members of society. (Naturally by forcing them into manual labor). This is all told in a brilliant industrial film at the beginning of the film.

Next, we see Timmy Robinson (the wonderfully named K'Sun Ray) in school as his class is introduced to the head of ZomCon security Mr. Bottoms (Henry Czerney, sporting a pipe in good J.R. Dobbs fashion. Timmy is skeptical about zombies, and doesn't trust the containment method. His fear stems from his father, Bill (Dylan Baker) a paranoid man who would rather play golf than play with his son, and who already has the whole family's funerals ready to go at a moment's notice, so that none of them will ever have to become a zombie. That leaves mom Helen (Carrie-Anne Moss, momentarily making me forget she was in that kung fu movie with the robots). She's tired of being the only family on the block without a zombie, and picks one up to keep up with the Jonses. (Or in this case, the Bottoms, who have moved across the street).

This zombie is Fido. He's played magnificently by Billy Connolly, who conveys wonder, hurt, anger and just about every other emotion on the acting spectrum. And he does it while being a zombie. Never says a word, or does anything other than grunt. Damn does he play this part well. He's almost the most sympathetic character in the movie. Will Timmy grow to love Fido as Fido fends off bullies and plays catch? Of course he will, even if it means putting up with an occasional bout of Fido going off the leash and eating some flesh from the living.

The movie is a stitch. From the bright, technicolor feel of the suburbs (more than slightly borrowed from Edward Scissorhands), to the acting and the set design, there isn't much not to like about this movie. In fact, if it didn't contain a few scenes of mutilation and shots to the dome (as LL Cool J would say), this could be a family movie. There's even a scene literally straight out of a Lassie movie, that works to comedic gold. The clear message is what can Fido, the undead, teach Timmy and his family about actual living? I wouldn't dream of spoiling it for you, but rest assured, it's satisfying.

Director Andrew Currie takes his premise and manages to stretch out the charm and goodwill far longer than it should have. In fact, the ending kind of falls apart under the weight of the premise, and breaks a few rules of it's own universe. It's strange, and if you read into things, more than a little creepy. But the movie has such wit about it, you almost forgive it for it's rushed ending. It stays afloat based on the leads, especially Connolly as Fido. If there's a best zombie award (and with the sheer amount of zombie films out there, there may as well be), Connolly is a shoe-in. He even out Bub's Bub.

Fido is not a perfect movie, by which I mean it's not Shaun of the Dead, the quintessential Zombie comedy. Fido is a different sort of breed, and it's difficult to compare it to anything else, aside from the aforementioned Lassie pictures. But that don't let that fool you. Fido is a hell of a fun time. Almost makes you want a zombie for you own. Almost.

Fun Fact: Tim Blake Nelson is outstanding as always, as a neighbor who's a little too close to his zombie.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Teeter needs your help

I received an urgent communique from Teeter this morning. For those who don't know, Teeter is awesome. Were it not for her, I would have lost my mind somewhere in Utah. She's a most excellent travelling compadre, and someday she and I will travel in a van across the country, solving mysteries.

(And our children will form a family band...)

But Teeter's got some awesome talent, and she made me watch the video for her band about two hundred and twelve times in a five day span. It finally left my head last week. (Replaced by Mah Na Mah Na, if you must know).

Here's what she says:

OK CHECK IT. My people! Got a quick favor to ask, it's kind of lame to ask - but I never win anything in life, or at least I haven't since 8th grade - so I thought it would be fun to try!

LadybiRds, my new cheezepop project, has been nominated for URB Magazine's "Next 1000" contest, which means, if we win. we get some sizable coverage in the mag. Would you guys vote for us?? It's supes e-z, you just click on the 5 stars to the right of the photo, till they turn purple - then refresh the page. Your vote might not reflect right away, but it will eventually. You can vote as many times as you want - or as few!

I love yall y'alls guts and want to thank for being my bud.

Here's the link!


So please, I implore the few readers of my humble blog to go and vote. And vote often.

Or not.

It's entirely up to you.

Sunday, June 10, 2007


I went to a Battlestar Galactica event the other night. I don't know much about the show. But if you do, feel free to click on this link, and read about my exploits.
As I'm writing this, I'm popping the first season of BSG in.

Is Ocean's 13 any good? I report... you decide

(Be grateful, I almost wrote this as the header: "Is Ocean's 13 any good? You BET!" I would have had to kick my own ass if I followed through with that)
Thank god they made Ocean's Thirteen. To leave us all with Ocean's Twelve as the last of these characters is kind of cruel and wrong. In fact, if they filmed what George Clooney and Brad Pitt and everybody spent their paycheck money from Ocean's 12 on, instead of the actual movie, it would have at least felt a little more honest. But Thirteen brings it back to what we love about the original so much. Well, the original remake, if you want to get technical about it.

Here's what you need to know about Ocean's Thirteen. It's back in Vegas. It's just the boys this time out. (Catherine Zeta Annoying and Julia Knock it off Already are not even cameo players, their characters dispensed with one simple line" It's not their fight".) And it takes a little while to get going, but when it does, it's a blast.

Here's the set-up. Rueben (Elliott Gould) got double crossed over a deal by Willie Bank (Al "Hoo-Wah" Pacino), and goes into a sort of shock induced coma. The rest of the gang assembles in Vegas with one thing on their minds: Revenge. This time, they don't care about the money as much as making Pacino pay, humiliating him, and honoring Rueben. (Although, money is ok, too). In order to do this, a lot of ridiculous things are required of the characters. Fun, but kind of outlandish. I will say it involves both drills used to make the Chunnel, and getting Andy Garcia to finance the second drill. Nothing else of the plot will I tell, as the joy is discovering it as it unfurls.

Well, after about the first twenty or thirty minutes. Director Steven Soderbergh once again employs his love of European art films and storytelling devices, as Danny Ocean and Rusty Ryan (Clooney and Pitt) speak in a vernacular all their own. Sometimes in low hushed tones. Never caring for one moment that nobody in the audience can figure out what they're saying, or that they might becoming frustrated as they watch something potentially cool spiral down into... well, Ocean's 12. Eddie Izzard shows up to aid and abet, and he also speaks like these guys. It's almost irritating, but then something glorious happens. Casey Affleck goes to Mexico.
In order to pull off their plan, it will involve putting magnetic powder in dice to help rig the casino games. In order to do this, Casey Affleck needs to wear an awesome mustache and go to the factory in Mexico. Whilst there, he complains of the heat, and manages to lead all his fellow workers in strike against the working conditions in the factory. And it's hilarious. Casey Affleck almost steals the entire movie with his few scenes down there. With this genius moment, the film gets itself on track, and suddenly everything that seemed boring and stale is fresh again. The movie picks up steam and takes us all on a great ride. The ride we should have gotten last time.

The key ingredient this time around is letting the audience back in on the plan for a bit. The cool thing about Ocean's 11 was that we the audience were given enough information to piece together what was happening, but were still not allowed fully on the plan, leaving some great surprises. The second film , they forgot to let us in on what was happening so that by the time something does happen (or did happen three days earlier), it's not surprise as much as frustration. (And don't get me started on the Julia Roberts looks like Julia Roberts shenanigans.) But this time, we're allowed to know what's going, but are still thrown for a few loops. The actors can play these roles in their sleep at this point, but at least they can play them well. And now, you truly also sense the camaraderie between the actors, and can enjoy their performances together. The characters have been through a lot, and can speak their own language, and they are truly cool. Even if their leader mists up a bit while watching Oprah. (Like you don't).

The film is a return to form, and while it doesn't meet or even beat the first in this series of Ocean's films, it is a marked improvement from the last time. And the soundtrack, by David Holmes, kicks a fair amount of arse. I can't wait to drive around town with it playing, pretending that I'm cool.

At least as cool as me mum says I am.

Oh, two things to note: Ellen Barkin is very good and supremely hot as Pacino's assistant (whom Matt Damon must seduce with a false nose); and Super Dave is in the movie. not as Super Dave, but he's in the film, and he's glorious. Way to go Super Dave and Ellen Barkin!
(And if Ellen Barkin reads this, feel free to give me a call because you're all kinds of alright!)

This trailer is awesome

It's for 30 Days of Night. It's got Josh Hartnett. It's about Vampires in Alaska during that wonderful period where they have no sun for... well, you can read the title. It's based on a graphic novel by Steve Niles, who rocks pretty fuckin hardcore. And it's made by the team responsible for last year's Hard Candy, which was unbelievable.

This needs to come out now.

Box Office Report: 6-10-07

Dude here again. And I've got the numbers. Boy howdy, have I got some numbers for you. I got numbers out the bum. That's right. I went there.

This weekend, the three-quel mania ramps back up again. (Only two more left of the threes this summer!). But for a change, no records are broken, as the audiences seem to be either out of money or just plain tired. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Ocean's 13 (WB) - $37.08, 3565 screens, week 1, $37.08 total

2. Pirates: At World's End (BV) - $21.3, 4002 screens, week 3, $253.6 total

3. Knocked Up (Uni) - $20.0, 2876 screens, week 2, $66.2 total

4. Surf's Up (Sony) - $18.0, 3528 screens, week 1, $18.0 total

5. Shrek The Third (Par/DW)- $15.75, 3925 screens, week 4, $281.89 total

6. Hostel Part II (LGF) - $8.75, 2350 screens, week 1, $8.75 total

7. Mr. Brooks (MGM) - $5.0, 2453 screens, week 2, $18.68 total

8. Spider-Man 3 (Sony) - $4.4, 2570 screens, week 6, $325.68 total

9. Waitress (FoxSrch) - $1.65, 708 screens, week 6, $12.0 total

10. Disturbia (Par/DW) - $0.55, 568 screens, week 9, $77.795 total

Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means exactly what you think it does. Ocean's insured itself redemption from the much maligned Ocean's 12, and took in roughly the same amount as the previous two installments. (Actually, a bit less, but that's ok. I'm happy to not report some stupid "Record breaking" news. It's annoying. Seriously. So yeah, Ocean's took the top spot, and people like the movie, and it's pretty enjoyable, so good for them.

Surf's Up didn't do as well as another penguin movie of late, or another CG animated film that came out this summer. I bet some people aren't happy about that. But those people can dry their eyes with the hundred dollar bills supplied by Spiderman. And Hostel Part II opened far short of the original Hostel's take, but the original opened up in January, and not in the middle of June against Ocean's 13 and Pirates and Knocked Up, etc. So there's that, plus it really didn't cost a lot to make, so it's bound to be one of the more profitable films of the summer movie season.

As for the holdovers, Knocked Up didn't drop as big as thee other movies of the summer, as it continues to make money hand over fist. In fact, during the week, Knocked Up wound up taking in more than Pirates for the top spot. During the week. Don't be surprised if when the actual numbers are produced, it makes more than predicted.

And in the "Because It's There" series: Hot Fuzz took in $113,000 on 129 screens, bringing it's grand total to $22,953,000 in 8 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week there's another sequel or two. Or three. I've lost count. You know what would be impressive? If at the end of the summer, we had a sequel to a movie that began the summer. Just to be confusing. I need help.
Until next weekend....

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Monday, June 04, 2007

Let Me Tell You Something...


Fightin' Robots are COOL

I really can't wait to see this movie. And it's not because of the nostalgia factor, because the cartoons weren't that great. (They toys were boss, though). It's because it's a movie about FIGHTING ROBOTS.

Thank you Michael Bay. Thank you.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Box Office Report: 6-3-07

Dude here again, with yet another weekend of debauchery at my fingertips. I believe I pushed myself to levels heretofore unknown within my own capabilities. People with a problem call it a tolerance. I call it the benchmark. My mother is unbelievably proud.

This weekend, the pirates continue the trend of large second week drops for giant movies, and our normal summer movie season rolls in. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Pirates: At World's End (BV) - $43.188, 4362 screens, week 2, $216.5 total

2. Knocked Up (Uni) - $29.28, 2871 screens, week 1, $29.28 total

3. Shrek The Third (Par/DW)- $26.7, 4109 screens, week 3, $254.6 total

4. Mr. Brooks (MGM) - $10.0, 2453 screens, week 1, $10.0 total

5. Spider-Man 3 (Sony) - $7.5, 3402 screens, week 5, $318.26 total

6. Waitress (FoxSrch) - $2.0, 605 screens, week 5, $9.45 total

7. Gracie (PicH) - $1.36, 1164 screens, week 1, $1.36 total

8. Bug (LGF) - $1.22, 1661 screens, week 2, $6.09 total

9. 28 Weeks Later (FoxA) - $1.20, 1121 screens, week 4, $26.577 total

10. Disturbia (Par/DW) - $1.1, 1035 screens, week 8, $76.7 total

Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means my buddy Jim owes me money, or at the very least credit. He did not feel that Knocked Up would make any money due to it's lack of stars. I told him he's wrong, and that it will make a lot of money on opening weekend. And I'm right. And you know something, I love it when I'm right. And it happens a lot. Seriously. My track record is disturbingly accurate. (With all matters of life, not just movie openings). But yeah, Knocked Up took second place, which is quite good for an R-Rated comedy starring one of the co-stars from 40 Year Old Virgin. It helps that the movie is fantastic and received near universal praise. It also took in a higher per screen average than Captain Jack, who in turn dropped 62% from last week's haul.

Kevin Costner and Demi Moore make me feel like I'm in the summer of 1994 all over again with Mr. Brooks, which took in a decent $10 million for the weekend. Everything I've heard about this film tells me that it makes absolutely no sense, but it's entertaining as hell. Sounds fun to me. Oh, and there was a soccer movie called Gracie that also opened up this weekend, and it's based on Elizabeth Shue (From Adventures in Babysitting!), and I'm willing to bet they filmed it in New Jersey, as she is also a Jersey girl. (It should also be noted the director is the same man who brought us An Inconvenient Truth last year). Anyway, not a lot of people saw this movie.

In a strange cultural shift I'd like to point out, Lindsay Lohan's DUI (complete with cocaine and rehab!) failed to spark even the most remote interest from moviegoers, and Georgia Rule is dead in the water. Hopefully this will curb producers from putting her in their films. Seriously. She's more annoying to me than Shrek. And I really don't care for Shrek.

A lot of people are going to point out that this is the first weekend since the summer movie season began without a sequel being released. And those people are wrong. Why? Because they're idiots who don't do their research. Because this weekend another sequel DID come out, just not on 8000 screens. It's Day Watch, which I have also praised as a fantastic moviegoing experience. It opened on 50 screens, and took in $46,300. Not bad, and it's about on par with Night Watch. I hope people get a chance to see this movie, as it's a lot of fun, and vastly entertaining.

It's interesting to point out the presence of Fox Searchlight movies this summer, as there are four out in release, all small films, that are making some coin. The Namesake has been out for almost 14 weeks now, and is still reeling them in. Waitress is in the top ten again. Once, the Irish musical that's receiving unanimous praise the likes of which I have never seen, is slowly expanding but taking in the dough and giving out the love. And now Day Watch, which if they market just a little bit harder, should be doing well into the summer, as they continue to market "The antidote to the summer blockbusters". Good work. Way to fight the onslaught of sequels, but way to do it the right way: By making and releasing GOOD movies. (That's where a lot of people get it wrong).

And in the "Because It's There" series: Blades of Glory took in $336,000 on 242 screens, bringing it's grand total to $116,806,000 in 10 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week some more sequels, including Hostel 2 (which Roth claims will be the last, so if it does well, expect Roth-less installments) and Ocean's 13, which really could just be Steven Soderbergh and George Clooney and everybody apologizing for Ocean's 12 for two hours, and it would still be better than Ocean's 12.

Until next weekend....

Saturday, June 02, 2007

A movie about killer sheep. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

If you only see one genetically mutated killer sheep movie this year, make sure it's Black Sheep. I guarantee you will be hard pressed to find a movie that's half as entertaining as this in theaters right now. (As for blood, you'll find it to be on par with a few of late). It's a gleeful, bloody riot from start to finish, and I'll be damned if the smile never left my face.

Black Sheep feels like a throw back to the gore days of Peter Jackson, when he had $50 to his name and a lack of Academy Awards on his mantle. In fact, one of the creatures in the film looks like the Rat Monkey from Dead Alive, and that's not where the similarities end. It's another film from New Zealand, with nice effects work from Weta, and a sensibility that toes the fine line between clever and stupid. (Not to mention ridiculous and disgusting). Writer-Director Jonathan King has served up a masterpiece of low budget ultra gore and laughs, and can hopefully inherit the left void by Jackson.

I'm not gonna tell you the plot, because I already did. It's about killer sheep. Sheep are ridiculous, right? So how can sheep be terrifying? They can't, until they ram you and start eating you. Then it's frightening and hilarious. Throw in a cute hippie activist named Experience (Danielle Mason) and a man who's petrified of sheep (Nathan Meister) and you have yourself some fodder. Add a mad scientist or two, a man who loves sheep a little too much, a brilliant noise of sheep bleating repeated infinitely to signify terror AND hilarity, and you have yourself a movie. I've already given away too much. You need to discover most of this movie's secrets for yourself.

The thing is, you really will have made your mind up this movie before you see it. If you can stand the idea of killer sheep, you will like this movie. If that sounds like the stupidest thing you've ever heard in your entire life, you won't need to bother. Move on, because they don't serve your kind here. This is a movie about killer sheep. And it's damn funny. But, again, it's about killer sheep.

It's also about some fantastic effects work. There's a lot of gore in this movie. Almost an obscene amount. There's even a giant pit of it our heroes get trapped in. It's revolting, but in a good way. There's also much larger sheep, and these are great. But I should point out that if you want to live your whole life without witnessing a sheep bite off a man's wang on screen, there might be a moment for you to shield your eyes. (Hey, be grateful I warned you. I can't burn it out of the retinas).

Many many years ago, there was a movie called Night of the Lepus. It was about giant killer rabbits. It featured DeForest Kelly, from Star Trek, and it also featured large men in furry suits tackling people to show the wrath of these bunnies. (It was also featured in the background in The Matrix, when the bald kid tells Neo there isn't a spoon). It's a terrible movie, and I laugh out loud at it to this day. But they didn't mean to make it funny. Black Sheep is like the intentionally funny version of Night of the Lepus, only with a lot more blood and money. (In that order). Black Sheep stands up there with the bests of the genre, no matter what killer menace is involved.


That's right. And I hate her cat, too.

Oh yeah, I went there.

Why do I hate her? Because she tagged me.

Quel tagging?

"Here are the rules of this particular game: you (meaning me) have to post 8 random facts about yourself. then, in the post, you, the tagged, magically tag eight other bloggers and notifies them that they have been tagged."

I'm modifying it, though. Because I'm awesome like that.

Here we go:

1) I fucking hate when people do stupid shit like this. It's the same reason why I loathe mass joke emails and chain letters, and why a burning fire ignites anytime anyone I know and care about uses "LOL". (And MySpace can suck a dick. Not that it has anything to do with this, but I felt it needed to be said since I got so bogged down in the making Simon Pegg laugh thing, I forgot all about it).

Nobody gives a damn about random things about me. They want sexy twin nurses, like this.

There you go. One random thing about me.

I will not forward it on.

PS- Shaygo dates this loser.