Saturday, March 24, 2012

You need to stop whatever it is you're doing right now


Check out this ridiculous trailer:

The movie is literally a 2 hour version of this! Just dudes fighting non stop in a building! SWAT team goes into a building run by a crime lord. Said crime lord turns loose all the criminals inside the building to attack aforementioned SWAT team. Dudes with machetes, and machine guns, and fluorescent lighting tubes and refridgerators and file cabinets and other people and FUCKING AXES are used as weaponry!!!!

This movie stretches the limits of violence* and bloodlust and it's every bit more amazing for it. I wanted a cigarette after the last fight scene, it was that amazing.

That being said, it's better than a flick like Ong Bak, which had amazing fights but pretty weak filmmaking skills surrounding them. This guy knows how to direct a movie, how to ratchet tension, how to let a shot play out in a long take instead of quick cutting. It's really well done in that respect. (Even if the camera man could use a tripod sometimes).

 And don't let the "Music from the Linkin Park guy" scare you off, it works in a very badass John Carpenter way. 

But yeah, if you like violent movies and you life being a man there's no other movie you should be seeing at all. AT ALL!! EVER!!! Fathers, show this movie to your sons so they know what ass kicking is all about. It makes Hard Boiled look like Rules of the Game!

I need to punch some glass right now!! GO SEE THIS MOVIE AND GET READY TO HAVE YOUR FACE MELTED OFF!!!

*(Along these lines, I don't know if you've been following the Bully controversy, but, while I think it's a publicity ploy and annoying - if you're gonna say "Fuck" in your movie, then say it and don't complain that it gets an R - it is ridiculous that it gets an R while this also gets an R and has more stabbings than I've ever seen outside of a Benihana). 

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Clear Eyes, Four Arms, Can't Lose!

So, despite all the negative word of mouth and exaggerations about the budget and diminished expectations, I went and saw John Carter (nee John Carter of Mars). Or as I like to call it, The Chronicles of Riggins.
Damn his charm.

This is apt, because the movie basically plays almost beat for beat as Chronicles of Riddick. It has long, nonsense passages of exposition that's quickly ended with a charming and charismatic lead doing things or a large setpiece of CG battles.  Granted, the ones in Carter look phenomenal (save for a flying sequence out of Judge Dredd).
This is one of the good ones.

But the script is all kinds of a mess, which I found fascinating considering that the night before I watched a TED Talk with director Andrew Stanton, who went on about the importance of story and how audiences don't always want everything spelled out for them preferring to figure things out on their own.

My guess is that Disney panicked, and without the Pixar cushion behind him, Stanton (genius director behind Finding Nemo and Wall-E) had to play ball or walk away. And playing ball got them here.

Despite my problems with the nonsense plot and silly words (Jasoom=Earth!) I enjoyed the movie. I was never bored, I found Taylor "Riggins" Kitsch to be an engaging and fun lead actor, I really loved the special effects, the princess of Mars  Lynn Collins was an interesting character with dimensions and motives other than swooning, and a lot of the characters are played by awesome character actors that put a smile on my face. Plus, I'm a sucker for any sci-fi flick, so this just worked for me. My friend I saw it with found it to be nonsense, and didn't like it as much as I did. I recognize his gripes with the film, but went along for the ride and dug it.

3 other movies I checked out recently: Wanderlust! What a hilarious and fun flick. It's full of every actor that makes you laugh, it's made by smart people, and it has a brilliant call back to Role Models' hit Wings' song "Love Take Me Down To The Streets". How come nobody saw this movie? It's easily the funniest movie I've seen in a very long time, and one that I'll probably purchase upon home video release, which is something I RARELY do anymore. RUDD POWER!!!
Yes, most of The State is in this movie.
Also caught Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie, which is not as funny as Wanderlust. Or their show. It definitely has some great moments, and some horrible moments. (Shrim). But overall, it feels like it was a movie made for expanding outside of the fanbase (which is great) but not nearly achieving the moments of comedic brilliance they reach on their 11 minute episodes. A little of this movie goes a long way. That being said, I'm amazed this film got released. If you can see it with a crowd, I suggest that.

Feelings towards the movie aside, I want this painted on the side of a van.
Finally, I caught Better Than Something, a film about rock musician Jay Reatard, a fascinating fellow and insanely talented musician from Memphis who tragically died way before his time in 2009. (Or early 2010, I'm still not sure yet). The film has great long scenes of Jay driving around town and just talking, and it's these scenes that are utterly fascinating. I could've watched a few more hours of just this. Alas, there are other scenes of folks talking about Jay the genius and Jay the missed friend, which are good but don't work nearly as well. Still, as far as rock docs go, this is up there as it shed a light on someone I barely knew and made me want to know more about. It also made me a fan of his music, which is always a plus when making a film like this. It's touring the country, but will probably be available on a streaming service soon.

Not Carrot Top. Or Wendy's girl. Whose name is Wendy.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Faint Burger Sauce Face

Faint but delicious. 

You can find awesome things like this at Stuff With Faces! (the other blog I run where I may have meant to post this originally but confused and posted it here instead)