Sunday, January 31, 2010

Box Office Report: Mel Gibson tried

Dude here again. With your weekly Avatar report! Yes, I've decided to fully sell out and devote my entire article, and every writing from here on, to the magnificent splendor of James Cameron's Avatar. Sure there may be other movies out there, but can any of them match the wonder and beauty of the world of Pandora?

You know, besides the vampire movies with the sparkly emo kids?

This weekend, another film steps up to the plate and misses, as Mr. Cameron's masterpiece of technology and story continues its reign. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Avatar (Fox) $30.0, 3074 screens, week 7, $594.4 total

2. Edge of Darkness (WB)- $17.1, 3066 screens, week 1, $17.1 total

3. When In Rome (BV)- $12.0, 2456 screens, week 1, $12.0 total

4. The Tooth Fairy (Fox) - $10.0, 3345 screens, week 2, $26.1 total

5. The Book of Eli (WB)- $8.7, 3075 screens, week 3, $74.3 total

6. Legion (ScrGm) - $6.8, 2476 screens, week 2, $28.6 total

7. The Lovely Bones (Par/DW)- $4.7, 2638 screens, week 8, $38.0 total

8. Sherlock Holmes (WB) - $4.5, 2250 screens, week 6, $197.5 total

9. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Fox) - $4.0, 2526 screens, week 6, $209.2 total

10. It's Complicated (Uni)- $3.7, 2096 screens, week 6, $104.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means it's time to put down the District 9 prawn language lesson book, and embrace the language of Na'Vi, because that's gonna be the new language of the world, now that Avatar has become the biggest money maker of all time! Yes indeed, it's all part of Mr. Cameron's glorious vision!

Mel Gibson, you hilarious rapscallion! You tried to star in a movie after 8 years of being gone and directing subtitled movies about beatings and monkey fights. But you had the misfortune to open up against Avatar. Shame, but it's nice to see you back. Might I suggest giving Danny Glover a call and starring as Pandoran Cops for Lethal Weapon 5?

When in Rome...

(That works best if you realize I'm impersonating Ron Burgundy, and his inability to grasp the meaning and proper use of the phrase "When in Rome". I have so little to say about that movie, I resorted to just quoting Anchorman instead!)

No other movie dares compete against the might of Sam Worthington! And that's the way it should be! Until Iron Man comes out. I didn't say that...

Below the radar, the Steve Buscmei starring Saint John of Las Vegas opened up on 2 screens and took in $22,400, which is the highest per screen average for the week. ALthough, you have to take into account the high price of non-3D tickets to truly get a sense of how much money the film has made, but it should be ignored due to the absence of the color blue in any and all advertising.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, a sappy romantic drama and an action movie with John Travolta. Or maybe I mixed that up. Either way, it's probably still going to be Avatar on top. Because that's they way it should be! ALL HAIL CAMERON!!!!

Until next weekend.......

(All Numbers courtesy of

Friday, January 29, 2010

Greatest Video of today

Bonus points for actually including Showdown in Little Tokyo!

(There's some swearing, so if you're at work or around children, pop in the headphones or become the "cool" parent).

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Box Office Report: Deja vu 2

Dude here again. Earlier this week I was growing tired of reporting about Avatar breaking every conceivable record known to man. Then I saw it again. And I realized that this is a movie where we basically get to see a dinosaur fight a robot, and any movie that does that is ok in my book!

(Full Disclosure: I witnessed the dinosaur fighting a robot when I took the 3-D glasses off).

This weekend, Avatar inches closer to the magic record numbers, and other movies are dumped in a pathetic attempt to go up against this juggernaut. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Avatar (Fox) $36.0, 3141 screens, week 6, $552.7 total

2. Legion (ScrGm) - $18.2, 2476 screens, week 1, $18.2 total

3. The Book of Eli (WB)- $17.0, 3111 screens, week 2, $62.0 total

4. The Tooth Fairy (Fox) - $14.5, 3344 screens, week 1, $14.5 total

5. The Lovely Bones (Par/DW)- $8.8, 2571 screens, week 7, $31.6 total

6. Sherlock Holmes (WB) - $7.1, 2670 screens, week 5, $191.5 total

7. Extraordinary Measures (CBS)- $7.0, 2549 screens, week 1, $7.0 total

8. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Fox) - $6.5, 2973 screens, week 5, $204.2 total

9. It's Complicated (Uni)- $6.1, 2301 screens, week 5, $98.6 total

10. The Spy Next Door (LGF)- $4.7, 2924 screens, week 2, $18.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means Avatar is... Honestly, you could fill in the blank here and come up with a conclusion. Like a Mad Lib. Try it, I think you'll enjoy it!

Legion, the first TERRIBLE movie I've seen this year, managed an impressive second place haul of $18 million, proving that you can sell a movie as The Matrix meets The Prophecy, even if the only cool things are in the trailer. Can't wait for Priest!

The Rock was kind enough to give us a movie where he plays the Tooth Fairy. But not enough of us went to see it. Why is this so? C'mon people, Dwayne Johnson has done so much for us, isn't about time we give back a little?

(In all seriousness, if you can go to the Red Cross site and donate to the people in Haiti for the same amount of money that you would've paid to see The Tooth Fairy, you'd feel a lot better. About a LOT of things).

What happens when Indiana Jones meets... ummm, the guy from The Mummy? And they don't have any Nazis or mystical demons to fight, but instead a disease? You get Extraordinary Measures. It pulled in $7 million, has been compared to a Lifetime movie, but was still far better than the last half hour of Crystal Skull. go figure.

Below the radar, another Paul Bettany starring movie opened. Creation, the "controversial" motion picture about the boring old life and times of Charles Darwin opened up on 7 screens and took in $52,000. So let's just get this straight, when Bettany plays the founder of the theory of evolution, nobody watches, but when he plays a renegade archangel with a fetish for double fisting machine guns against possessed humans, he makes mint. Isn't it ironic?

Dontcha think?

Like rain. On your wedding day. I'm stopping now.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Mel Gibson decides he needs to kick a lot of people's asses while sporting a wicked Bahston accent. Oh, and Avatar will become the most successful motion picture in modern history. Can't wait!

Until next weekend.......

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Box Office Report: The Book of oh wait, no it's avatar again.

Dude here again. I'm having issues with my interwebz connection, so this week's gonna be a bit truncated. Not that it matters, because you could pretty much take everything I said about Avatar last week and app;y it to this week.

Sometimes I think these numbers make me too jaded. Sometimes, not jaded enough.

This weekend, Denzel Washington attempts to lure viewers away from the Na'Vi. Does he succeed? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Avatar (Fox) $41.3, 3285 screens, week 5, $491.7 total

2. The Book of Eli (WB)- $31.6, 3111 screens, week 1, $31.6 total

3. The Lovely Bones (Par/DW)- $17.0, 2563 screens, week 6, $17.5 total

4. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Fox) - $11.5, 3296 screens, week 4, $192.5 total

5. Sherlock Holmes (WB) - $9.8, 3173 screens, week 4, $180.0 total

6. The Spy Next Door (LGF)- $9.7, 2924 screens, week 1, $9.7 total

7. It's Complicated (Uni)- $7.6, 2670 screens, week 4, $88.2 total

8. Leap Year (Uni) - $5.8, 2512 screens, week 2, $17.5 total

9. The Blind Side (WB) - $5.5, 2408 screens, week 9, $226.7 total

10. Up In The Air (Par)- $5.4, 2107 screens, week 7, $62.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means the same as it did last week. Avatar is now becoming the greatest motion picture in the history of space and time. Well, almost. But it surpassed Star Wars in terms of dollars, and that brings a small tear to my eyes.

The Book Of Eli had a pretty damn impressive $31 million take for three days. In January, this is considered a minor miracle, and if Avatar weren't out, it certainly would have been more noteworthy. Alas, we just live in the world, while James Cameron is our king.

Peter Jackson, a former "King of the World" saw his lovely bones expand this weekend, and I totally meant that double entendre. Opening up beyond the initial 3 screens it's been on for 5 weeks, Lovely Bones saw a modest take, but is far overshadowed this late in the game. And to think, they held it from March to the more prestigious Oscar-Bait month of January.

They just didn't count on one thing....

(that last sentence works best if you imagine it being said by the guy in movie trailers, usually before announcing that the one thing they didn't count on was Steven Seagal or Jean Claude Van Damme.)

Honestly, the less I say about The Spy Next Door, the better off we all are in the long run. Trust me. I'm a doctor.

Below the radar, I couldn't find anything because the server crashed.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, The Rock dons a tutu and some wings and thinks he can take on the Avatar. Sadly, he may be our only hope.

Until next weekend.......

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Box Office Report: Same as it ever was...

Dude here again. I'm getting into the swing of this new year. I've even kept my New Year's Resolution and refrained from making "I haven't _______ since last year!" jokes! Well, I haven't made any in the column yet. And that example doesn't count.

And I haven't made a joke about that in my column since TWO years ago!

This weekend, new movies were released and none of them made any sort of impact upon the unstoppable blue monster. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Avatar (Fox) $48.5, 3422 screens, week 4, $429.0 total

2. Sherlock Holmes (WB) - $16.6, 3626 screens, week 3, $165.1 total

3. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Fox) - $16.3, 3641 screens, week 3, $178.1 total

4. Daybreakers (LGF)- $15.0, 2523 screens, week 1, $15.0 total

5. It's Complicated (Uni)- $11.0, 2955 screens, week 3, $76.3 total

6. Leap Year (Uni) - $9.1, 2511 screens, week 1, $9.1 total

7. The Blind Side (WB) - $7.7, 2880 screens, week 8, $219.1 total

8. Up In The Air (Par)- $7.1, 2218 screens, week 6, $54.7 total

9. Youth In Revolt (Dim/Wein)- $7.0, 1873 screens, week 1, $7.0 total

10. The Princess and the Frog (BV)- $4.7, 2620 screens, week 7, $92.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that now it's a matter of "when", not "if" regarding Avatar overtaking Titanic's record of highest grossing picture of all time, not adjusted for inflation, etc. It's really boring when a movie just keeps knocking over record after record. It's like your friend playing you in Mortal Kombat, and he just constantly beats you over and over again with a sweep kick. It's beginning to not be fun anymore.

Oh, but on a plus side, it overpassed Transforming Robots 2: Revenge of No Screenwriter as the #1 money maker of 2009. Mad props for that. (I still want my money back for that one...)

Daybreakers proves the recent movie edict: Though shalt only make vampire movies that make money only if the vampires sparkle. Although a decent-for-January opening, I wouldn't expect a Daybreakers 2: Newer Moon on the horizon.

Leap Year: I'll catch it on its' "leap" to the bargain DVD bin. I'm sorry Amy Adams, but I guess there's just some things I wouldn't do for you.

Oh, Youth In Revolt, will you ever catch a break? After multiple release delays, you finally opened to mediocre word of mouth and even less mediocre business. Someday, Michael Cera, you will prove to the world that you can play more than awkward shy funny boy. Too bad the public won't perceive you that way.

Below the radar, Crazy on the Outside, the directorial debut of Tim Allen, took in $75,400 on 75 screens. Avatar is trembling in shiny blue boots.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Denzel Washington saves us from a post apocalypse, and we see if it has a chance against the mighty Avatar. (I'm betting no, but who knows?)

Until next weekend.......

(All numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Sunday, January 03, 2010

The Best and The Best-Worst: 2009 Edition (With Bonus Materials!)

So I wrote up my best/worst round up. I initially wrote it the way I've been doing it on here for the past few years, breaking them down into categories other than best/worst. But then I decided to just focus on the top ones and post it on the Moviesonline site.

My editor broke it up into three separate pieces. The Best, The Worst, And The Craptastic! (Unfortunately, The Worst is not up yet, but when it is I'll let you know).

(This might be a hint as to one of the movies).

However, there were a lot of movies that didn't make the cut. And I decided to post those movies here. Here's what didn't make the lists:

SOLID (Good far outweighs the bad)

Outlander, Taken, Sunshine Cleaning, I Love You, Man, Skills Like This, Tokyo, The Escapist, Anvil! The Story of Anvil, State of Play, The Limits of Control, Next Day Air, The Brothers Bloom, Drag Me To Hell, Pontypool, The Hangover, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, In The Loop, Paper Heart, Cold Souls, The Goods: Live Hard Sell Hard, 9, Pandorum, Whip It, The Invention of Lying, Where The Wild Things Are, House of the Devil, Pirate Radio, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, Public Enemies, Carriers, World's Greatest Dad,

HONORABLE MENTION (Good enough to recommend to the curious, but flawed enough to make me hesitate)

Donkey Punch, Adventureland, 17 Again, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, Dead Snow, Humpday, Thirst, Taking Woodstock, Extract, Jennifer's Body, Ong Bak 2: The Beginning, The Box, The Men Who Stare At Goats, Ninja Assassin, Sherlock Holmes.


Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, Killshot, Fanboys, The International, Race to Witch Mountain, Duplicity, Fast and Furious, Alien Trespass, Gigantic, Lymelife, Battle For Terra, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Big Man Japan, Surrogates (Even though it had that awesome scene where Bruce Willis punches a robot to death with his bare hands!)


The Final Destination
It's not very good, but I saw it in 3-D, and my friend Larry and I were the only people in the theater. And we like being jerks sometimes, so I had a blast while seeing this, even though I don't think I ever want to see it again.

The opening scene is stunning. The movie looks gorgeous. There's certainly plenty of insane shit going on, and the movie works on numerous levels. Still, I feel bad recommending it to people because it is quite a polarizing movie and there are certain things in it nobody should see. They involve the words "Dafoe" and "nutsack".

HAVEN'T SEEN YET, BUT WANT TO (Mostly for my own records and for Netflix queue reference): Knowing, Monsters Vs. Aliens, Sleep Dealer, Tetro, Up, The Proposal, Bruno, Orphan, The Collector, The Cove, Flame & Citron, Julie & Julia,(though, I've tried to see it twice!), A Perfect Getaway, Ponyo, It Might Get Loud, Big Fan, Mystery Team, Gamer, Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, The Informant!, Bright Star, Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell (I hear it's AWFUL!), Paranormal Activity, An Education, Trucker, Law Abiding Citizen, Michael Jackson This Is It, Precious, The Blind Side, Me and Orson Wells, Broken Embraces, Red Cliff, The Road, the Princess and the Frog, Armored, Brothers, Invictus, A Single Man, The Slammin' Salmon, Crazy Heart, It's Complicated, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, The Lovely Bones.

STILL NOT GONNA SEE: The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Bride Wars,Love Happens, Old Dogs.

Box Office Repeat: Keep on rockin in the New Year!

Dude here again. It's a brand new year. And yet it's the same line up as last week. Nothing changed, really.

Or did they?!?!?

This weekend, was pretty much the same as last weekend, which is sort of remarkable. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Avatar (Fox) $68.3, 3461 screens, week 3, $352.1 total

2. Sherlock Holmes (WB) - $38.3, 3626 screens, week 2, $140.6 total

3. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Fox) - $36.6, 3747 screens, week 2, $157.3 total

4. It's Complicated (Uni)- $18.7, 2897 screens, week 2, $59.1 total

5. The Blind Side (WB) - $12.6, 2926 screens, week 7, $209.0 total

6. Up In The Air (Par)- $11.3, 1895 screens, week 5, $45.0 total

7. The Princess and the Frog (BV)- $10.0, 3328 screens, week 6, $86.0 total

8. Did You Hear About The Morgans? (Sony)- $5.2, 2718 screens, week 3, $25.6 total

9. Nine (Wein)- $4.2, 1412 screens, week 3, $14.0 total

10. Invictus (WB) - $4.1, 2170 screens, week 4, $30.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means Avatar is fast on the way to making more than several small nations. It crossed the billion dollar worldwide gross, a feat only accomplished by four other movies. The top one being Titanic, and with Avatar being a Cameron film, it all winds around itself intricately. Point is, it made bank. It was a gamble that paid off, and looks like it will continue to pay off.

For what it's worth, I'm really looking forward to the backlash against the film, much like the Titanic backlash from oh so many years ago. Plus, it's fun to see people who a month ago raved about the flick suddenly changing their opinion, to seem hip and relevant.

Honestly, is there anything else here that needs discussing? Alvin and the Chipmunks? It's Complicated? The Blind Side? Do any of these feature blue people? No. They don't matter. But they're certainly picking up a lot of cash over this 2nd holiday weekend. Avatar is what's on the peoples' minds and tongues, and that's all we're gonna talk about.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, things will settle down a little bit, but watch for Avatar to continue Cameron domination of box office records. Also, Daybreakers and Youth In Revolt.

Until next weekend...

(Actual sign on Florida gas pump. This might be as cool as Bronson, MO!)

Friday, January 01, 2010

2010: The Future!

I haven't seen all the movies I want to, so a Best/Worst of last year/decade isn't quite in the cards at the moment, but hopefully I'll have one or the other ready in the near future.

In the meantime, why don't we live in the past and enjoy this timeless classic?