Sunday, April 05, 2009

12 Rounds

12 Rounds of bullshit nonsense.

Have you said to yourself recently "Man, I wish I could see a movie that's the inbred retarded offspring of Speed and Die Hard 3. Starring a giant tree trunk of a man with absolutely no charisma."?

If you answered yes, 12 Rounds is the movie for you. I never stopped smiling at how stupid it was. Bearing that in mind, this films is several shades of stupid. Borderline retarded.

Just look at this poster

Look at how much they're trying to make John Cena look like Keanu in Speed. But this movie isn't Speed. !2 Rounds is the Crystal Pepsi to Speed's original formula RC.

I liked John Cena's previous movie The Marine. It had a lot of fireballs chasing people in slow motion, and it had some truly bizarre touches like the bit about the criminal who hates rock candy. The Marine felt like if it came out in the late 80s with Van Damme as it's star. It's craptastic fun. 12 Rounds, not so much fun as much as it's crap.

And if you are to believe this movie, New Orleans has the absolute worst drivers in the country. They're always running red lights or blowing past inteersections willy nilly at high speeds. Seriously. EVERY INTERSECTION.

Man, this movie is stupid.

No comments: