There was only one movie this year that arrived, and was the greatest movie since Rambo.
And that movie is Piranha 3D. It has everything you want in a movie, in one tight 85 minute package. In 3D no less.
Hands down, best movie of this year.
Aside from that, I enjoyed these movies quite a bit. I don't really feel like getting into they "whys" of my choices just yet, but perhaps someday I shall.
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World
Black Swan
Toy Story 3
Warriors Way
Cyrus
Predators
Please Give
Social Network
HONORABLE MENTION Youth In Revolt, Book of Eli, Shutter Island, Crazies, Repo Men, Hot Tub Time Machine, Rec 2, Kick Ass, The Losers, Best Worst Movie, MacGruber, Get Him To The Greek, Splice, Joan Rivers A Piece of Work, Inception, Dinner For Schmucks, The Other Guys, MACHETE, The Town, Let Me In, Mystery Team, Red, Harry Potter Does Something, Rare Exports, Harry Brown, District B13 Ultimatum, Monsters, Tron Legacy (Until you think about it), Girl With Dragon Tattoo, Girl Who Played With Fire.
BAD Legion Human Centipede Alice in Wonderland She's Out of My League Survival of the Dead Clash of the Titans Tiny Furniture Greenberg Somewhere
AWESOMELY BAD From Paris With Love Jonah Hex Expendables Resident Evil Apocalypse
MEH Percy Jackson and The Olympians Cop Out Date Night (Saw these last two on a plane, so they get a pass for taking my mind off turbulence) Daybreakers In My Sleep Centurion Iron Man 2 Robin Hood Wall Street Money blah blah
STILL NEED TO SEE: Biutiful, True Grit, The Illusionist, The Fighter, How Do You Know, I Love You Philip Morris, 127 Hours, Four Lions, Due Date, Unstoppable, Skyline, Faster. The Kings Speech, Jackass 3D, Enter The Void, Buried, Easy A, Leaves of Grass, Catfish, I'm Still Here, Mesrine, Red Riding Trilogy, Valhalla Rising, The American, Animal Kingdom, The Square, The Kids Are Alright, Get Low, Life During Wartime, Salt, Sorcerer's Apprentice, Winnebago Man, Despicable Me, The Killer Inside Me, I Am Love, Winter's Bone, The A Team, MicMacs, Solitary Man, OSS 117 Lost In Rio, The Good The Bad The Weird, Exit Through The Gift Shop, Waking Sleeping Beauty, Ghost Writer, Runaways, City Island, Mother, Green Zone, Frozen, North Face (58)
STILL NEED TO SEE FOR THE PAIN
Furry Vengeance, Yogi Bear, Nutcracker 3D, Last Airbender, Remember Me (5)
Dude here again. Bringing you the final box office report of 2010! It's been an interesting year at best. It started with the Avatar sweep, and ended with a Fockin' whimper. In between, we had disappointment in quality and profit. Sure some movies shined, but nothing really wowed anybody, or justified their monetary intake.
Except that Jackass 3D. That deserved every penny.
This weekend, the holiday brings us lots of fun new presents that some unwrapped and others wish they got a sweater instead. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).
1. Little Fockers (Uni)- $34.0, 3536 screens, week 1, $48.3 total
10. The Tourist (Sony)- $5.7, 2756 screens, week 3, $41.1 total
So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that they've managed to stretch that "Focker" joke for a full decade now, and people still keep laughing. Kinda sad, really. What's even sadder is that a lot of these numbers are lower due to bad weather that's slamming the east coast at the moment.
If you're Jeff Bridges. you've gotta pretty pleased, man. The number 2 & 3 movies, kicking ass, taking names… There's nothing he can't do, and don't you try to stop him. He's the Dude, man.
Be honest, how many of you thought the Gulliver's Travels movie starring Jack Black was a practical joke? Like some sort of Tropic Thunder remnant? Judging by that number, I'm guessing a lot of you did. Although it did only open on Saturday, so who knows, it might outshine Yogi Bear.
Nothing about that last sentence is any good to anybody.
Apologies for missing last week's obvious pun of How Do You Know, but seeing that it's no longer in the top ten, I guess nobody knew it actually was a movie either.
Fun Fact: The top ten list this week contains movies from The Coen brothers, Darren Aronofsky, AND David O Russell, which makes my film nerd heart jump with glee, as it should yours.
Below the radar, Somewhere, the latest film from Sofia Coppola, took in $142,000 on 7 screens, having the highest per screen average out of all! Also opening, The Illusionist, an animated romp from the man who brought us the Triplets of Belleville, taking in $50,600 on 3 screens.
So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, it's nothing! Absolutely nothing. I love when that happens.
I loved Tron Legacy. Had an absolute blast, enjoyed the look, the feel, the sound, the simple story...
But then I started thinking about it.
And once that happens, it's game over, man.
So, I figure as long as I don't think about it, and think about the shiny lights and AWESOME Daft Punk score I'm fine. And as long as I don't think about creepy CG Polar Express lookin Jeff Bridges, it'll be alr... dammit!
Shinylightsshinylightsshinylights
You're ruining my zen state of mind, man.
(By the by, in case I haven't mentioned it, Black Swan is pretty great. A perfect blend of Aronofsky's sensibilities, and a film that has shades of equal parts early Polanski, Argento, and DePalma. Moviesonline has my review somewhere, I'm just too lazy to put up the link.
Also, Rare Exports is worth checking out if you can).
Also, no Box Office Report this week, but let's just assume it was Tron.
Dude here again. Are you starting to feel that holiday spirit? I feel that spirit by going to the mall, and singing generic, all encompassing holiday songs. It's bizarre, but I think everyone appreciates it, as it's both respectful and pleasant. Then we break into a flash mob that only performs the dance from Peanuts!
Because who doesn't love Peanuts?
This weekend, a rather weak offering that may have sold the fate of future Christian parable adventures. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).
1. The Chronicles of Narnia… (Fox) - $24.5, 3555 screens, week 1, $24.5 total
2. The Tourist (Sony)- $17.0, 2756 screens, week 1, $17.0 total
So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means nobody read any of the books after The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe. Maybe just nobody liked them. Anyway, the third movie in the series opened up to a weak $24 million, probably slamming the final nail in the coffin of the series. Sure, it may have some legs thanks to the upcoming holiday season, but let's try and enjoy Aslan on the big screen while we can.
Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie in a movie that takes place in Vienna? That's gotta be an award for the prettiest movie ever made. (Naturally, after Hero). Anyway, the star power of these two wasn't quite enough to bring Pirate or Salt money, but the pairing attracted enough people to have a nice run in the upcoming weeks.
Black Swan expanded to a total of 90 screens to rank 6th on the board, which may be the highest rank a Darren Aronofsky film has ever attained on one of these charts. It's got the highest per screen average of the top ten, (not of the releases, though) and is generally kicking ass and taking names.
All the other flicks are hanging around. like guests at a party nobody wants to be at but are too polite to leave. That's right, I'm looking at you Love and Other Drugs, who only brought a vegetable platter to this shindig.
Fun Fact: When debating with friends over what the best Christmas movie of all time is, the only correct answer is Reindeer Games.
Below the radar, The Fighter, coming in with great awards and performances buzz, opened on 4 screens and took in $320,000 and the top per screen average ($80,000 per screen, beating Black Swan's record from last week). Most impressive. ALso released, Julie Taymor's triply version of The Tempest, with Helen Mirren and Russell Brand, took in $45,000 on 5 screens. Slightly less impressive.
So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, it's Tron time!
Dude here again. With great power comes great responsibility, a man once wrote. Then it was re-appropriated in a whole bunch of other comic book movies, more or less. Now the real question remains, everyone says it, but does anyone actually really listen to it?
Sorry, I just watched that Green Lantern trailer again, and it's starting to piss me off.
This weekend, my prediction was wrong, and the one movie did better than the others, even though there wasn't much in the way of competition. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).
9. The Warrior's Way (Rogue)- $3.0, 1662 screens, week 1, $3.0 total
10. The Next 3 Days (LGF) - $2.6, 2236 screens, week 3, $18.3 total
So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means Disney had sloppy second weekend, but still managed to out perform the young wizard with their animated tale of hair. Although, it's a steep drop from last week's take, but that's due to the lack of holiday.
Everything else remained in place, but not for long, as the first weekend in December is usually just a place holder weekend until the big holiday blockbusters assault us. So, that's why Burlesque and Unstoppable have made the almost the same thing in a tied for third, and Love and Other Drugs is so prominent towards the top. Sad state, but what are you gonna do?
I can not stress enough how awesome The Warrior's Way is. It's poor, MacGruber-esque performance aside, you should make every effort you can to see this movie while it still remains on a screen. You won't regret it.
Fun Fact: The Nutcracker 3D movie is allegedly horribly racist, in addition to being over two hours long, making it "Must See" for me.
Below the radar, Black Swan finally opened up on 18 screens, and blew away pretty much everyone else by taking in $1,394,000 and the highest per screen average of the weekend . Also, this weekend FINALLY saw the release of I Love You Phillip Morris, a dark comedy directed by the guys who wrote Bad Santa starring Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor… how did this movie not get released until now?!? Anyway, it opened on 6 screens and took in $113,000, not bad considering it didn't look like it would come out at all.
AND… the Dutch horror flick Rare Exports, about the trapping and auctioning of Santa Claus opened on one screen and took in $9,500. Outstanding.
So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, even if we didn't ask for it, we're getting another Narnia movie! This one's on a boat!
You'll be hard pressed to find a film as enormously awesome, and legitimately entertaining, as The Warrior's Way. A bizarre pastiche of samurai film and western, Warrior's Way somehow manages to find just the right balance of ludicrous and fantastic, with it's tongue firmly planted in it's cheek but never letting us know that it's in on the joke. It's like a Terry Gilliam Cannon film.
Here's a list of the things this movie has:
Ninjas.
Cowboys.
Circus Freaks.
Tony Cox, playing the character "8-Ball".
A whole TOWN full of circus freaks.
Geoffrey Rush
Kate Bosworth's hilarious overacting. Then throwing knives.
Not backing down out when it comes to violence.
Geoffrey Rush playing the town drunk.
Better CG blood than Expendables.
Freakin' Danny Huston! With a scar on his face!
Emotion.
Interesting characters.
Stunning visuals.
Geoffrey Rush playing the town drunk, shooting sticks of dynamite from a ferris wheel.
If you don't like these things in a movie, then you've failed as a human being. For everyone else, there's The Warrior's Way. Check it out, you won't regret it.
Irvin Kershner has gone and left us. First Leslie Neilsen, and now this.
In an odd coincidence, I caught myself watching Empire Strikes Back last night on Spike. Sure, I watched it commercial free about a month ago (while my wife was at her bachelorette party) but it was on, and I have to watch it whenever it's on. It truly is a great film.
The last film Kershner directed was Robocop 2, which isn't anywhere near as good as Empire, or the original Robocop, but it has a strange perverse weirdness to it that makes it worth watching.
Dude here again. Coming off the holiday weekend. Not too many turkey naps this weekend, and no lunacy shopping at 5 in the morning. Just some nice family, a nice meal, and some black tar heroin.
Wait, what?
This weekend, that little punk wizard continues his domination, despite ample competition that wasn't really competitive at all. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).
1. Harry Potter and the Etc…. (WB)- $50.3, 4125 screens, week 2, $220.3 total
So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means Harry Potter has managed to capture the top spot for two weeks in a row! A feat not accomplished sine Goblet of Fire was released during the same time period five years ago. For fun, I took out my BO report from that weekend. Here's what I wrote:
"Well, if you're Harry Potter, you took the top once again, to no one else's surprise. It crossed the $200 million mark this weekend, not bad for about ten days of release. I have a feeling next week, it will once again take the crown, then start to lose steam once the Narnia movie and King Kong come out. But I've been wrong in the past, so who knows?"
I could basically take out the words "King Kong" and accurately predict the next two weeks of box office. It's difficult being this awesome sometimes. But well worth it.
Tangled, Disney's latest that isn't a Pixar but is still a computer animated fairy tale, fared quite well in its' first week of release. Almost taking the top spot, even. Not bad, and the lighter tone probably attracted a lot of kids who might have been "too scared" for the Harry Potter. Pussies. But yeah, don't expect Disney to stop making fairy tale movies just because they say they're going to. Because money talks, people.
As for the other new releases.. ouch. Burlesque didn't attract nearly the right amount of ironic viewers to make a significant dent, but not bad. Love and Other Drugs didn't make nearly enough to justify the amount of love and other drugs I had to take to sit through it.
And Faster? Not so fast, Dwayne Johnson. As much as I applaud any movie you star in the contains an R rating AND Billy Bob Thornton, it looks like I'm gonna have to act faster if I want to see this in a theater.
Fun Fact: I clipped my nails in the middle of writing this box office report!
Below the radar, Oscar-bation continues with the release of the heavily hyped The King's Speech, which took in $350,000 on 4 screens, with an amazing $87,500 per screen average. Expect to hear a lot about this one. Also, The Nutcracker 3D opened up on 42 screens and took in $68,000. Pretty bad, but here's another fun fact, it's from the man who directed Tango & Cash, which means I have to track down a theater and see it.
So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, a whole lotta nothing and one movie about Ninjas in the old west, co-starring Geoffrey Rush, which means it will be spectacular.
Dude here again. Enjoying a fall morning. Poring over some box office numbers, with some green tea, chorizo and toast.
Come join me, won't you?
This weekend, in a stunning upset, Russell Crowe's movie defeats Harry Potter. And then Paul HAggis wakes up to disappointment. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).
1. Harry Potter and the Etc…. (WB)- $125.1, 4125 screens, week 1, $125.1 total
7. Skyline (Uni)- $3.4, 2883 screens, week 2, $17.6 total
8. Red (Sum)- $2.4, 2034 screens, week 6, $83.5 total
9. For Colored Girls (LGF) - $2.4, 1216 screens, week 3, $34.5 total
10. Fair Game (Sum) - $1.4, 386 screens, week 3, $3.7 total
So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that if Warner Bros didn't have half a brain, and released the new Harry Potter movie in the half assed 3D conversion we get, it still wouldn't beat that Dark Knight or Twilight record. But it's fun to dream about other people's money.
The Next Three Days, Russell Crowe's latest that I'll probably go see because I think Crowe is a solid actor and I like him in everything, even if the movies he's in aren't that great. But, yeah, a noble effort that was probably unnecessarily quashed.
It's nice to see Fair Game up in the top ten. It's not so nice when you realize it is NOT the Fair Game where Cindy Crawford gets naked.
Fun Fact: Aforementioned Fair Game is based on the same novel that Stallone adapted for his hit vehicle Cobra!
Below the radar, something called Today's Special took in $91,000 on 55 screens, something called Made in Dagenham took in $41,100 on 3 screens, and something called White Material made $36,300, also on 3 screens.
So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, a whole bunch of new ones come out, including an animated fairy tale, a musical with Cher, and a movie with The Rock, which is all around news for celebration.
Trailers, for the most part, are starting to bug me. Part of me wants to blame it on age (Too loud, too many cuts and flashes, it's giving me a headache, etc.) and part of me thinks they give too much away.Either way, I find myself using that trailer time to take an all important last trip to the men's room before the movie starts, so I don't have another Star Trek/Inception incident.
That being said, these are some recently released trailers I've seen that look pretty flippin awesome.
Battle: Los Angeles - The movie could turn out to be worse than Skyline. But this is a great trailer, no matter how you slice it.
Your Highness - Fantasy movie from David Gordon Green, written by McBride, has a weird Gilliam vibe to it. Even if it turns out to be a mess, it's a spectacular mess. This is the red band, which means more cursing and brief Natalie Portman in a thong action.
Just a bit of disclosure, I have read the first 5 books twice, and the last two only one time each. I have seen the movies multiple times, though, the first three repeatedly due to my former job as a projectionist. In general, yes I am a Harry Pot-head.
Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how quite to Live Blog on this site, so I'm just gonna keep this open and update it whenever I write something new! I think that's what the kids call live blogging these days.
I don't know, I'm of the 1.0 generation.
Let's Begin!
WARNING - It may get a little blue. And spoilers, I guess, too.
***********************************************************
9:13 AM - Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone - Chapter 1
So far so good.
9:14 AM - 2 pages down. Where the fuck is this Potter kid? What's with all these damn hippies in the streets?
9:15 AM - Oh, right. He's a baby.
9:16 AM - Thanks to former college roommate Jay, who bought this book ten years ago because he wanted to read anything that schools were banning. And then forgot that I was the last person he loaned it to.
9:22 AM - One Chapter down! 30 some odd left.
9:28 AM - Man, Harry's aunt and uncle are dicks.
9:38 AM- Alright, Chapter 4 already!
9:44 AM - These are really short chapters. This book is super easy to read.
9:52 AM - Did the screenwriters just copy and paste the text for the first film? Or am I just glossing over nostalgia and cinematic memories?
9:55 AM - Inspired by my last question, I've decided to play the movie in the background. The rate I'm ripping through these chapters, I might be able to finish them both at the same time, although I doubt the scenes will match up.
10:01 AM - There are a lot of ads on this first DVD.
10:04 AM - Yeah, it's almost dead on. I know why they cut the things they cut, but I'll be damned.
10:05 AM - This was a bad idea. I've stopped reading. Like our nation's youth after the last Harry Potter book. (ZING!) Time to turn off the television.
10:09 AM - YAY! Harry got an Owl!
10:15 AM- These are awesome descriptions of this bizarre new world Harry Potter has entered.
10:22 AM - Already at Hogwarts! Let the fun begin!
10:28 AM - I wish Ithaca College was more like Hogwarts. Would have been a more wondrous and magical educational experience. Didn't even mean that pun!
10:35 AM - I should really look for a job instead of reading 7 books today. Probably be a smart move.
10:36 AM - Yay Quidditch!
10:41 AM - Hmmm... internet conked out. Gonna keep typing, and when it comes back, I'll post the backlog.
10:46 AM - Wow, taking a few moments away from reading to type is really kind of distracting. How did Mike Ryan do this with 6 movies?!? I guess it's easier with movies vs. print.
10:53 AM - Do I even have the other books? I'm pretty sure I have the last two, but I think my old roommate has the other ones. Son of a...
10:59 AM - This is a stupid idea. I have tons of other books I should read instead of re-reading something. There's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which I should get to before the movie gets made so I can say that the book was better.
11:08 AM - Enough of this foolishness. I'm gonna watch Doom instead.
11:15 AM - Universal logo over Red Mars instead of Earth! Goddamn this movie rocks!
11:22 AM - Handle ID, The Kid? Handle ID Goat? Handle ID Sarge? Not even disguising that this is a video game.
11:30 AM - WHOA! The female lead is Grimm's SISTER?!?! What a twist! Hopefully this movie passes the Bechdel test!
11:31 AM - Oh right. It doesn't.
11:34 AM - Nobody's splitting off into pairs. Smart. You don't want to mess with these things.
11:40 AM - "Does it bother you that you could have spent your life behind a microscope instead of a sniper scope?" "If they're so smart, how come they're so dead?" That's how you write fuckin dialog, Sorkin. Take a lesson, then eat a bowl of dick.
11:40 AM - Studio 60 my ass.
11:55 AM - The Kid is on drugs! How can he hunt for monsters on drugs?!? Unless it's a statement about how much more fun video games are when you're on drugs. This movie's got layers, people.
11:58 AM - Like an onion.
12:04 PM - Any movie that requires the use of a bone saw gets an extra half star.
12:09 PM - Is there a better modern day composer than Clint Mansell? His work here is hardcore, I need it to follow me around. Especially at the gym.
12:17 PM - Portman, you bastard! You sold out the rest of the crew!!
12:28 PM - Made myself a sandwich. Mesquite Turkey and Pepper Jack Cheese. Pretty tasty.
12:19 PM - Big Fuckin Gun! And it looks like it shoots fluoride, to boot!
12:20 PM - Oh man, some shit is going down!!!!! Cage-match style!!
12:23 PM - The creature kinda looks like "Satan" in Split Second, with Rutger Hauer. That movie rocks, too. Is it on DVD?
12:24 PM - No, it is not. Note to future film programmers, great double feature here.
12:25 PM - The Rock is starting to lose it! Oh no!
12:28 PM - So there's an extra chromosome that allows the creature to choose between good and evil? Haven't seen that in a movie before. Way to tread new ground! No sarcasm required.
12:31 PM - Oh shit! It's made its way to the ark and is now on Earth! We're doomed!
12:32 PM - Oh, I get it, Doom!
12: 38 PM - Now the Rock is full on section 8. Ordering the Kid to kill civilians? The village was cleared, the people are innocent Sarge!
12:39 PM - (That line's from Universal Soldier, but kinda fits anyway)
12:44 PM - First Person Shooter scene. Most innovative thing in cinema this past decade. Cameron didn't even TRY to replicate it with Delgo 2: The Quickening. So good, I have to share it. Thanks You Tube.
12:51 PM - SHOWDOWN!! URBAN V. ROCK!!! WHOEVER WINS, WELL, WE ALL WIN, REALLY!!!
12:59 PM - End credits! Nice, they blow everyone away except those who survived the movie!
1:07 PM - Cool, I still have the rest of the day to look for work. Hopefully the internet is back up and running!
1:08 PM - It's not. Time for Death Race or Outlander! But no more live blogging. At least, not until I can figure it out.
UPDATE: 10:53 PM - Still no job, but watching Troll, which features not one, but TWO characters named Harry Potter.
Like you, I occasionally have a lull from all my big business dealings and coke-fueled hooker orgies and I find myself with a little bit of time to spare. And what better way to waste it than by reading lots of awesome things on the Interwebs!?!
"Our relationship with the English language predates our relationships with our phones."
Next up, an awesome series over at The AV Club about Grunge in the 90s. They're up to part 4, but it's best to start at the beginning. The AV Club has a bunch of terrific series, like My Year of Flops and The New Cult Cannon, but this is the first one not involving movies I voraciously tore through.
Dude here again. Coming at you with your bi-monthly box office report. Why bi-monthly? Because it's been a really busy time lately. What could possibly take me away from the fun of reporting the exchange of millions of dollars between consumers and multimedia conglomerates in exchange for two hours of entertainment?
Let's just say I took Beyonce's advice, and put a ring on it.
This weekend, a clam before the Harry Potter storm. Or calm. Kinda works either way. But not really. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).
So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that 3D animation trumps Denzel's speeding train. In an underwhelming weekend, Megamind continues to take in money that will next week go to the magical wizard. Because it wouldn't be a holiday season without an animated movie to distract us all.
Unstoppable proved to be stoppable (I feel shame for writing that) but still good enough for an impressive $23 million opening, on par with most Denzel Washington action fare. Bonus points for being a PG-13 Tony Scott movie. Rare is that.
Skyline is a curious case. It came in fourth, but made back its production budget, impressive for a movie financed by the FX house that created everything. (Thanks to that facial mapping of Armie Hammer in Social Network). But it's garnered some horrible reviews, most with the words "Gloriously" and "retarded". Yet, with each horrific thing I read, my desire to see it increases exponentially.
Morning Glory, evening sadness.
Fun Fact: Hollywood actually took a break and didn't release a Christmas themed movie in early November! Progress!
Below the radar, Tiny Furniture, a movie whose preview is so twee it makes Paper Heart look like There Will Be Blood, opened up to an impressive $22,450. What makesthat so impressive is that was solely on one screen. Elsewhere, 127 Hours expanded and took in $453,000 on 22 screens. Gotta love a Danny Boyle flick.
So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, I may have mentioned the wizard movie, but there's also a Russell Crowe movie, which makes me smile a little bit.
Hint for the previous one, the title is a word in the dialog!
NICK
You wanna know what a real criminal is, kid? It’s the son of a bitch that painted this car…I mean imagine defacing a work of art like this with a color like that. The man oughta have his ass removed.
The horribly racist target behind was "Asian Triad Thug", which looked like pretty much every bootleg video cover you ever saw on a Chinatown sidewalk.
Extra Bonus Awkward Points: Two Asian men were standing next to me whilst I was making some terrific head shots on that target.
Truth be told, I didn't fire this weapon. But the Australian dudes in the lane next to us did.
They're promoting their new album BARKING, which upon first listen, I thought was too dance-y, but subsequent listens have won me over to its charm. Not their best, but a solid effort, nonetheless.
Anyway, they were on Jimmy Fallon last week. Here is hopefully some video.
They also played the West Coast this past weekend, the only time this year they will, but I missed it. Kicking myself, they put on AWESOME shows.
What is wrong with me? What have you got? I am dying of tuberculosis. I sleep with the nastiest whore in Kansas. Everyone who knows me hates me and every morning I wake up surprised that I have to spend another day in this piss-hole world.
And to explain the outfit, they said since it's your bachelor party, if you're willing to humiliate yourself for the experience, you can shoot for free.
And that's what I did.
The best part is that you have to wait a long time to actually shoot, then it takes time when you're in the range, so a whole new crop of people had no idea why I was shooting a gun dressed like I was.
So my friend Ed has been sending me a "Quote of the Day" email every weekday for the past few weeks now. It's fun, it's nerdy, and sometimes it's so obscure that it makes me proud for remembering these things, and not things like biology or US History.
So I think I might try and make it a thing over here. Why? Because Ed did all the work for me already I'm a nerd who enjoys these things. Hopefully you will enjoy it as well.
Enjoy! (These Things)
LARRY
I can get back right after my AA meeting.
GRIFFIN
Oh Larry, I didn’t realize you had a drinking problem.
LARRY
Well actually, I don’t but that’s where all the deals are being made these days.
Dude here again. Happy Halloween! The box office reports have been sporadic, for this I apologize. Lots of changes going on in my life. Suffice it to say, it involves massive amounts of guns, strippers, booze, cars, and shenanigans. But who needs shenanigans when we have money to talk about?
That's the lesson I learned from that movie that's out now.
This weekend, a return to Halloween normalcy. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).
1. Saw 3D (LGF) - $22.5, 2808 screens, week 1, $24.2 total
7. The Social Network (Sony)- $4.7, 2767 screens, week 5, $79.7 total
8. Life As We Know It (WB)- $4.0, 2860 screens, week 4, $43.4 total
9. The Town (WB)- $1.9, 1608 screens, week 7, $87.6 total
10. Conviction (FoxS) $1.8, 565 screens, week 3, $2.3 total
So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that going the 3D route was the shot in the arm the Saw franchise needed to end out on top. Sure, it will probably be "Rebooted" in a year or so, but let's enjoy this while we can.
Paranormal Activity in second place. Remember that nonsense when the director of Saw 6 was gonna make that Paranormal Activity, then the Saw guys were all "Screw you, pal, you gotta make this last Saw movie"? You think they're gonna ask that guy to make the third Paranormal Activity?
Conviction made its way to the top ten, huh? Good job. No idea what it is aside from Sam Rockwell is probably involved.
Fun Fact: actor Richard Crenna invented tartar sauce!
Below the radar, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest, the third in the popular line of Swedish translations of those books you see everyone have at the airport and the starbucks, it opened up on 153 and took in $915,000. Also opening was Monsters, which opened on 3 screens and took in $21,000. (That one may also be available on your On Demand station. Technology!)
So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Megamind and Hangover 2. I mean Due Date. But you know I really mean Hangover 2.
Dude here again. Some may say I missed last week's box office report because I was recovering from a Tandori wedding hangover, but I was merely protesting that far too many people voluntarily elected to see Life As We Know It. Rarely do I question the taste of the populace, but this was one of those times.
Seriously, who could willingly see that?
This weekend, the world is right again. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).
5. Life As We Know It (WB)- $9.2, 3150 screens, week 2, $28.8 total
6. Legend of the Guardians (WB) - $4.2, 2502 screens, week 4, $46.0 total
7. The Town (WB)- $4.0, 2368 screens, week 5, $80.5 total
8. My Soul To Take (Uni) - $3.1, 2529 screens, week 2, $11.9 total
9. Easy A (ScrGms) - $2.6, 2314 screens, week 5, $52.3 total
10. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (Fox) $2.3, 2045 screens, week 4, $47.8 total
So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that finally, good sense prevails, and the number one movie is the most deserving. The Jackass boys blew away their previous openings (some will accuse the inflated 3-D prices) and proved once again that the world loves movies where idiots get hit in the junk.
Opening in second is Red, Bruce Willis and other older actors firing machine guns, and hopefully swearing up a storm. Just noticed the PG-13 rating, so it's probably just Grumpy Old Men with weaponry. Which is not a bad thing. Anyway, it, was an impressive opening, especially for Bruce WIllis, because if we elect to see him in other movies, the possibilities of Die Hard 5 are slimmer and slim… Nevermind, just read that it's fast-tracked. There is no justice.
Everything else is slipping silently. Social Network continues to chug along nicely. Finally saw it, but was more than a little disappointed at the lack of Farmville jokes.
Fun Fact: There is a scene in Wall Street 2 where money, in fact, DOES sleep!
Below the radar, no small release indie horror flicks, but more Oscar-bation as Hereafter, starring Matt Damon and directed by Clint Eastwood, opened on 6 screens and took $231,000. Also, Conviction, starring Hilary Swank, opened on 11 screens to take in $110,000. Time will tell if these movies will win numerous awards.
So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, a popular horror movie released this time last year gets a sequel, and the word Saw is not involved. Thankfully, neither is the phrase "3-D". However, that will happen the following week.
Here's a video for a band, or something. They're called Hollerado. My friend Daphne was involved in the video's creation.
Fun Fact: She also appears in the video, in the box on the bottom row, second from the left.
Here's a link to the preview for The Revenged, an Ed Klau joint. I didn't edit the trailer that runs, but I edited the scene that I have to finish cutting so we can put it on the site. Also, note that the trailer starts right up when you click the link, just be warned in case of weird noises.
And here's a video of a bullet spinning on ice, after being shot. I assume this means you shouldn't try it at home, but lord knows you want to.
You really really want to.
Talkin Tweeners: in case anybody cares, I still haven't seen Facebook movie, but I did see The Town (Quite Solid), Let Me In (Very Solid, if wholly unnecessary) and Resident Evil 4, which I summed up as the greatest Tool video ever made.
Looking back at that paragraph, I think I have to devise some sort of review system, something akin to "Thumbs Up", yet incorporating the word "Solid."
WERE YOU AWARE... that the majority of traffic directed to this site randomly from Google Search is the word "Kuato" the misspelled "Cuato"?
So let's give the people what they want. More Cuato!!!
Open Your Mind
(For what it's worth, I always hoped I would be searched out for that Karl Urban quote fixation I had awhile back).
I did too, Dude - K.U.
Are there any Wes Anderson fans out there? Here's a nifty link to some early work he did while still in school. I found it interesting, but I also haven't subscribed to the hipster notion that he sucks isn't at the level he used to be. Again, I don't subscribe to it.
And speaking of Wes Anderson...
(Didn't think you'd get away without that, did you?)
Dude here again. Has anyone been watching the current crop of new television shows? They're just as disappointing as all the summer blockbusters were this past summer. What the hell is going on? Are we just in a creative lull? Are people caring about other, more important things?
Like the upcoming elections taco salad? .
This weekend, the Facebook movie finally came out, along with two spoooooky movies. Because it's October, so we get horror movies and Oscar-Bation flicks. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).
1. The Social Network (ScrGms)- $23.0, 2771 screens, week 1, $23.0 total
2. Legend of the Guardians (WB) - $10.8, 3575 screens, week 2, $30.0 total
3. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (Fox) $10.1, 3565 screens, week 2, $35.8 total
4. The Town (WB)- $10.0, 2935 screens, week 3, $64.3 total
5. Easy A (ScrGms) - $7.0, 2974 screens, week 3, $42.4 total
6. You Again (BV) - $5.5, 2548 screens, week 2, $16.4 total
7. Case 39 (ParV)- $5.35, 2211 screens, week 1, $5.35 total
8. Let Me In (Over)- $5.30, 2020 screens, week 1, $5.30 total
10. Alpha and Omega (LGF)- $3.0, 2303 screens, week 3, $19.0 total
So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that some audiences managed to go to a theater, and tweet their status to "Seeing the Facebook movie" on their iPhones while watching the Facebook movie. Sure, it's being heralded as one of the best movies of this year, but I still feel it's been far too overhyped, and this weaker than predicted open kind of makes it the Kick-Ass of Oscar Bait.
More interesting is the case of Case 39, a movie filmed four years ago and finally now seeing the light of day. (Or darkened room, technically). It opened up to somewhat expected business (Probably better than anyone involved hoped), but also makes almost the same amount of money as Let Me In, the American remake of the Swedish horror hit from two years ago. How odd.
The case with Let Me In also begs the question, do audiences not care for these remakes? Or was there not even a big enough audience, because the vampires actually killed people instead of brooded and sparkled and pined for the mumble queen?
These are the questions we should be asking.
Way to go Snyder Owls! (Really just wanted to say that).
Fun Fact: After 12 weeks, Inception dropped off the top ten, but on Arthur's dream level it will take another year and a half to actually fall.
Below the radar, more horror movies opened up in limited release, including Chain Letter, which took in $143,000 on 406 screens, with a sad per screen average of $352. Hatchet 2 also opened, (UNRATED!!!), but only made $62,000 on 68 screens. This does not bode well for more unrated releases. In documentary releases, Freakonomics, an adaptation of the best selling non-fiction book, took in $33,000 on 17 screens.
So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, more of the same, as more horror flicks and Oscar Bait hopefuls are released.
Dude here again. Fall is here, except where I live in Los Angeles, where traffic finally let up and allowed summer to stop by for a little bit.
But let's talk about money and corporations, instead.
This weekend, another 20+ year sequel arrives and takes the top, while 3D animation falters again. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).
1. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (Fox) $19.0, 3565 screens, week 1, $19.0 total
2. Legend of the Guardians (WB) - $16.3, 3575 screens, week 1, $16.3 total
3. The Town (WB)- $16.0, 2885 screens, week 2, $49.1 total
4. Easy A (ScrGms) - $10.7, 2856 screens, week 2, $32.8 total
5. You Again (BV) - $8.3, 2548 screens, week 1, $8.3 total
8. Alpha and Omega (LGF)- $4.7, 2625 screens, week 2, $15.1 total
9. Takers (ScrGms)- $1.6, 1413 screens, week 5, $54.9 total
10. Inception (WB)- $1.2, 907 screens, week 11, $287.0 total
So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that either 80s' nostalgia will never peak, or Oliver Stone had a compelling enough story relating to current economic climes and enough sense to cast "El Beef" as his lead. Wall Street 2: Electric Boogaloo managed to take the top spot, though in an odd, possible ironic parallel, it didn't make too much money.
Truth be told, I made up calling Shia LeBouf "El Beef", but can y'all do me a favor and start spreading it around. I would appreciate it.
Coming in second is Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole, which is about a bunch of owls reenacting 300. It took in impressive numbers, but not impressive enough in this age of 3D animation domination. Looks like Zack Snyder's gonna have to go back to making extremely violent R-rated movies.
You Again? Not even the first time. Think about it.
Let's take a moment and give mad props to Ben "Phantoms" Affleck, who has directed a genuine hit with The Town, and may be garnering some awards buzz. Well done.
Fun Fact: Resident Evil - Afterlife is the greatest feature length Tool video EVER!!!
Below the radar, (deep breath…) Ryan Reynolds was Buried, took in $104,000 on 11 screens, the raunch-fest The Virginity Hit made $300,000 on 700 screens, Woody Allen's latest You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger took in $163,000 on 6 screens, Franco as Ginsberg in poem adaptation Howl took in $54,000 also on 6 screens, Gaspar Noe's latest Enter The Void opened on 3 screens and took in $42,300, and Waiting For "Superman", the latest from the Inconvenient Truth guy who's not Al Gore, took in $141,000 on 4 screens, and had the highest per screen average of all this week.
So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we see the Facebook movie and the Let The Right One in remake, both of which I should hate on general principle yet I can't wait to see with a fever pitch.
Dude here again. Random introductory blather that may reflect current trends. Snarky observations, personal asides, and obscure pop culture references may also be substituted. Also, apologies for lethargy.
Pithy one-liner to coincide with first paragraph.
This weekend, witty/shameful one line about the number one movie sandwiched between template that literally hasn't changed in five years. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).
1. The Town (WB)- $23.8, 2861 screens, week 1, $23.8 total
2. Easy A (ScrGms) - $18.2, 2856 screens, week 1, $18.2 total
5. Alpha and Omega (LGF)- $9.2, 2625 screens, week 1, $9.2 total
6. Takers (ScrGms)- $3.0, 2139 screens, week 4, $52.3 total
7. The American (Foc) - $2.7, 2457 screens, week 3, $32.8 total
8. Inception (WB)- $2.0, 1305 screens, week 10, $285.1 total
9. The Other Guys (Sony) - $2.0, 1827 screens, week 7, $115.4 total
10. Machete (Fox) $1.7, 1704 screens, week 3, $24.3 total
So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that a) if movie is well liked and deserved to be number one, accolades and praise to all involved and public masses for electing to choose a good film; or b) if movie is stupid but made lots of money, cast shame and derision towards public masses and their intelligence levels.
If other movie opens, note how it did in comparison to either the number one movie or previous films from star/director. If third new release opens, repeat step two.
If third or more release opens and performs miserably, make awful pun based on it's name in relation to it's poor performance.
If you feel like it, report on older releases that are just barely scraping by until they're released on DVD in two months.
Fun Fact: This is a newer feature that doesn't really have to be fun to anybody but me, but try to include as many MacGruber or Twilight references as possible because the hits go up when the words "new Kristin Stewart pics", "Twilight", and "MacGruber" are put in the same search engine.
Below the radar, indie films are discussed because not too many other people shine enough light on them. Make sure to note how the intelligent ones will have a higher per screen average than the number one movie in the country, although that comparison really means nothing. It's the reassuring pat on the back.
So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, discuss how something awesome or stupid is coming out the next weekend. Lather, rinse repeat.
Until next weekend....
(Bizarre photo procured from another site on the internet).
(Thank the good people at Box Office Mojo for doing all the hard work for you)
Dude here again. There's a confession I need to make: I'm supremely jealous of all the awesome movies being shown at Toronto Fest this week, while I'm stuck with Resident Evil 4. Sure, it's in 3D, but that fest has so many interesting looking movies, it makes you wonder why we had to suffer through this past crappy summer.
Except for Jonah Hex and Piranha 3D, obviously.
This weekend, there's no disputing who's number one, as that's a mighty large gap. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).
2. Takers (ScrGms)- $6.1, 2191 screens, week 3, $48.1 total
3. The American (Foc) - $5.8, 2833 screens, week 2, $26.7 total
4. Machete (Fox) $4.2, 2678 screens, week 2, $20.8 total
5. Going The Distance (NL)- $3.8, 3030 screens, week 2, $14.0 total
6. The Other Guys (Sony) - $3.6, 2246 screens, week 6, $112.6 total
7. The Last Exorcism (LGF) - $3.4, 2731 screens, week 3, $38.1 total
8. The Expendables (LGF)- $3.2, 3058 screens, week 5, $98.4 total
9. Inception (WB)- $3.0, 1583 screens, week 9, $282.4 total
10. Eat Pray Love (Sony) - $2.9, 2339 screens, week 5, $74.6 total
So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that if you make a Resident Evil movie, pretty much the same amount of people will come to see it. Sure, it made more than the others, but there's also 3D prices to contend with, so it evens out. Still, this consistency is pretty impressive for a series on its fourth film, and one that had to surrender to the massive onslaught of 3D product.
Other than Resident Evil, there is nothing worth reporting, really. I'm amazed The American made as much money as it did, Machete should be making more, but isn't. The Expendables is almost at $100 million, which will be the first time in a long time for Stallone. Inception continues to make money, etc.
It's yet another sorbet palate cleanser of a weekend, to wash away the tastes of summer to make room for the fall movies.
Fun Fact: This summer saw the return of Dolph Lundgren AND Steven Seagal to the big screen! Alas, no Van Damme.
Below the radar, there's a film called The Romantics, which wants to be this generation's version of The Big Chill, opened up on 2 screens and took in $44,400, which is the highest per screen average of all the movies out there this week.
So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, four big releases of varying genres, thus begins the madness of fall.
