Sunday, September 19, 2010

Box Office Report: Bad Pun Related to Number One Movie

Dude here again. Random introductory blather that may reflect current trends. Snarky observations, personal asides, and obscure pop culture references may also be substituted. Also, apologies for lethargy.

Pithy one-liner to coincide with first paragraph.

This weekend, witty/shameful one line about the number one movie sandwiched between template that literally hasn't changed in five years. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Town (WB)- $23.8, 2861 screens, week  1, $23.8 total

2. Easy A (ScrGms) - $18.2, 2856 screens, week 1, $18.2 total

3. Devil (Uni) - $12.5, 2809 screens, week 1, $12.5 total

4. Resident Evil: Afterlife (ScrGms)- $10.1, 3209 screens, week 2, $43.9 total

5. Alpha and Omega (LGF)- $9.2, 2625 screens, week 1, $9.2 total

6. Takers (ScrGms)- $3.0, 2139 screens, week 4, $52.3 total

7. The American (Foc) - $2.7, 2457 screens, week 3, $32.8 total

8. Inception (WB)- $2.0, 1305 screens, week 10, $285.1 total

9. The Other Guys (Sony) - $2.0, 1827 screens, week 7, $115.4 total

10. Machete (Fox) $1.7, 1704 screens, week 3, $24.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that a) if movie is well liked and deserved to be number one, accolades and praise to all involved and public masses for electing to choose a good film; or b) if movie is stupid but made lots of money, cast shame and derision towards public masses and their intelligence levels.

If other movie opens, note how it did in comparison to either the number one movie or previous films from star/director. If third new release opens, repeat step two.

If third or more release opens and performs miserably, make awful pun based on it's name in relation to it's poor performance.

If you feel like it, report on older releases that are just barely scraping by until they're released on DVD in two months.

Fun Fact: This is a newer feature that doesn't really have to be fun to anybody but me, but try to include as many MacGruber or Twilight references as possible because the hits go up when the words "new Kristin Stewart pics", "Twilight", and "MacGruber" are put in the same search engine.

Below the radar, indie films are discussed because not too many other people shine enough light on them. Make sure to note how the intelligent ones will have a higher per screen average than the number one movie in the country, although that comparison really means nothing. It's the reassuring pat on the back.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, discuss how something awesome or stupid is coming out the next weekend. Lather, rinse repeat.

Until next weekend....

(Bizarre photo procured from another site on the internet).

(Thank the good people at Box Office Mojo for doing all the hard work for you)


Kathleen Ferguson said...

Brilliant! Your best work yet.

R.BillMountain said...


(variation on my staple, Genius.)

Formerly, The Dude Spoke said...

Well played, Sir Bill.