If anyone ever tells you to try the Master Cleanse method to detox your body and/or lose weight, I want you to slap them upside the head. Then come out to LA and smack Dan upside the head, too. For good measure.
For the record, I'm on Day 5 (as the title of the post would lead most to believe) and it's hell. To be fair, it IS working, but at what cost? Making your house smell like lemons? Becoming subserviant to "The Beverage"? Seriously, I have put off plans with people this week, solely because I wouldn't be able to make the drink on time for the next day's consumption. Not to mention the more than frequent visits to the bathroom.
Here's a glimpse of what my days have consisted of lately:
7:00AM: wake up
7:15-8:00: bathroom time (the three "S"es, Shit, Shave, Shower)
8:00-8:30: Contemplate various excuses to not go into work
8:30-9:00: Commute to work
9:00: Begin first cup of the day, followed shortly by second and third
12:30-1:00 or so: Finish first of TWO 2-liter bottles. Begin second one.
(Should be noted, every half hour, I go off to pee, every 2 hours, visit the bathroom again for other things)
2:00: have cigarette to relieve the stress of no eating and incessant beep coming from unity drive.
2:30: Have phone call from my friend Jess, who gives me shit for smoking.
7:00: Finish up with work or so, but save just enough in second bottle for home.
9:00PM: At home, having finished second bottle (and yelling at Dan about it) I begin to make tomorrow's drink.
9:15: mental breakdown about how my refridgerater contains nothing but lemons and condiments. Throw knives at picture of Dan's head, and berate him incessantly while chanting "LEMONS" as said by Homer Simpson to Lisa in the episode where Homer opens the bar in his garage, and REM plays.
10:00PM: Beverage is made for the next day's imbibing. Fix self a piping hot mug of laxative tea.
around 11:15, get sleepy realizing that I haven't eaten anything in days. Go to sleep, and dream of sandwiches.
Lost thus far: 6 lbs.
Not exactly the smartest thing to do, but I've never been all that smart to begin with.