AWESOME: A Very Calvin and Hobbes Christmas!

Can't believe nobody thought of this already.. especially me

Tim & Eric Red Band Trailer

Just give them the Oscar right now.

More Tim %26 Erics Billion Dollar Movie Videos

You Son Of A Bitch

Manliness Just Got More Manly

I know I'm getting a little Expendables 2 crazy, given how much of a let down the previous film was.

But how can you look at this poster and not get excited about it?

Immortals and Rum (with a bit of Heist)

A few weeks ago, I won a contest over at Movieline. It was to see Immortals at the premiere! In 3D!!  All I had to do was caption a photo from the film. Here's the photo, with my winning caption beneath.

THIS... IS... (not quite)SPARTA!!!

 

 

 

I wrote that as a lark, thought it would be funny. Didn't think it would win, when low and behold it did.

Little did I know, that would be an apt review of the film. It's not quite 300. It's a beautiful mess of a movie. By which I mean it looks gorgeous, but it's boring and makes no sense whatsoever. Literally EVERY awesome shot is in the trailer, save for one, which I will spoil for you right now.

That would be the scene where Mickey Rourke orders the guy in the barbed wire Minotaur helmet to smash in a dude's junk with a giant wooden mallet.

This actually happens in the movie.

And it's all downhill from there. It's not a bad movie, per se, but it is rather boring. Take from that what you will.

I did also catch Rum Diary, the earlier take on the life of a drunk Hunter Thompson and his misadventures with crazy people in Puerto Rico in the early 1960s. I rather enjoyed the film, even though it's was no Fear and Loathing. (But nothing really can be, now can it?)

The mood, setting, costumes, music and locations evoke an awesome period feel, one that I imagine people who watch Mad Men always equate it to. (Don't watch the show, but hear it's great with the 60s style). The story falls apart in the end, but I enjoyed the journey, and the almost age-less Depp once again reprising Thompson-incarnate for the big screen.

Sadly, more people have seen this tattoo than the movie.

And finally, there's Tower Heist. I couldn't wait for Tower Heist to come out so that I could stop seeing ads for Tower Heist. But I'm glad I saw Tower Heist when I did, before Ratner's unfortunate comments about rehearsals for films being exclusively for homosexuals, as it may have tainted my review even more than it already has.

Not surprisingly, that comment explains a lot about the lazy film, that doesn't even bother to have Eddie Murphy do anything of significance until the middle of the third reel, and it makes you wonder whether or not Ratner could have benefited from having a homosexual or 2 on set. It's really lazy and ramshackle, and spells out everything for the audience way before the characters reach the same point. It's not bad, but feels extremely "who cares?"

The cast of Tower Heist. Right?

I didn't hate what I saw, I was sort of enjoying it, and thought "This will be one of those movies that will be played on USA infinitely in a few years."  Some performances are good (Broderick and ALda especially), even if the New Yawk accents grow irritating.

Also, it's a New York film made by a degenerate douchebag that's never lived in New York. I realize you paid for the helicopter aerial shots of the city, but that doesn't mean you have to use them to link every scene.

Full disclosure: Due to unforeseen circumstances, I had to leave right when Eddie Murphy started having something to do. So I missed the ending, but I'm sure I could tell you what happens, or wait for DVD without crying too many tears.

PBR

VOTE for the ABCs of Death!

My friend Shane has directed one of the contestant films for the ABCs of Death. For those who don't know, it's a film where 26 horror directors make a short film about a violent bloody death caused by an object from a corresponding letter - A is for AbRoller, B is for Butter, C is for Colostomy Bag, etc.

The "T is for..." position is being left up as a contest, and Shane has made one called T is For Table. It's quite good, and features our old friend Dan (He of DanSpeak, a now defunct portion of this old blog).

Anyway, please vote and support this as it will mean Dan's face will be on a large screen! It helps that the film is actually quite decent, and far better than a lot of the other ones up there. Also please spread the word, as voting ends October 31st. (Halloween... Spooky, scary)

Another Ahab Video

Larry didn't do this one, but it's still a great video worthy of checking out.


Captain Ahab - Little Hands from Captain Ahab on Vimeo.

Expendables 2 is filming

Even though the last one had brief moments of awesomeness (always when Dolph Lundgren was onscreen) I'm still looking forward to the prospect of a second one, featuring older versions of the heroes of my youth.

This is still a mighty cool picture. Here's hoping they actually have villains worthy of doing something, instead of Eric Roberts just hanging out and yelling at the guy from Dexter.

A preview for an upcoming motion picture

Yeah, I could see myself anticipating this film.

Larry Made a New Video

It's the greatest thing he's ever done.

Prepare to have your face melted.

The Kingdom of Light from Captain Ahab on Vimeo.

Movies that have come out that I somehow managed to see.

DRIVE

This movie is like a European art house version of The Transporter. It starts off hypnotic and meditative, fetishizing shots of Los Angeles like nobody's business. Complete with a soundtrack that should pay Tangerine Dream for the inspiration. Then it gets insanely violent. Throw in great performances from Ryan Gosling as the nameless Driver, Albert Brooks as a menacing heavy, and Ron Perlman as the Ron Perlman character, and you have yourself an awesome movie. Well worth the hype and reviews that have been lavished upon it.


DETECTIVE DEE AND THE MYSTERY OF THE PHANTOM FLAME

Here's what you need to know about this movie: It's from Hong Kong, it's structured like a pretty awesome film noir, it has a terrific lead performance from Andy Lau, because it's from Hong Kong every character needlessly flips around when simple walking would suffice, and there's actually a character named Donkey Wang. It's a fun flick, and if you get a chance, see it on a big screen. IT probably won't happen, but it was definitely one of the better FX-heavy flicks I saw all summer. (Even if I saw it at the end of summer).


KILLER ELITE

Man, this movie should have been awesome. Chev Chelios pitted against Shoot Em Up?!!? And the trailer features Rock Me Like A Hurricane, and features Statham tied to a chair and kickin some dude's ass!?!?! SOLD! Alas, it turns out the film is more like a poor man's Munich. While not necessarily bad, it's not really that good either. One thing to point out, everyone's bitching out Clive Owen's mustache, but nobody bothers pointing out that the movie takes place in 1981, where those creepy staches were a sign of the times. 

OUR IDIOT BROTHER

I liked this movie. I thought Rudd was charming and a lot of fun. The ending is WAY too pat and tidy, but a movie like this, you just enjoy the ride. That's all I really have to say about that.

Brilliant

I'm Brady, and I made this movie

This is pretty damn terrific.


A reenactment of one of my favorite scenes from brady Shoemaker on Vimeo.

Catching up on some more flicks, PART 2

So, the insurance career I've recently partaken in has denied me the time I would normally spend all summer watching movies. As it stands, I've only seen a collection of the movies released this summer, and not the big ones that you would think either.

This turn of events both frightens and saddens me. Luckily, measures have been taken to remedy this.

Regardless, I have managed to catch a few flicks, and this is what I think about them.

SUBMARINE

Fun Welsh indie flick, reminiscent of Harold & Maude and Rushmore (mostly because of its teenage outcast protagonist, played very well by Craig Roberts) that balances the sweet and the sour of teen love and family life. Roberts plays Oliver Tate, and the movie is about his adventures. I can't really describe the rest, just know that it's worthy of checking out. A strong feature debut from Richard Ayoade, the actor from Garth Merengi's Dark Place and The IT Crowd. If I had a complaint, it would be that the soundtrack should've been better. That's it.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

This is one of those movies where the charm and chemistry of the leads takes it FAR beyond the premise. Justin Timberlake is very good as the male counterpart who wants to have sex with his friend Mila Kunis. She is also very good. Like I said the chemistry between these two is great, but my problems with the film stem from the horrendous direction, which manages to be edited in the most ADD, over-covered way imaginable (since Easy A, director Will Gluck's previous film, actually)/ Additionally, every scene is plastered with pop music to the point of annoyance. Still, not bad, probably worth a rental. (No, I didn't see the other movie that was practically the same with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman, but I heard it was little better, mostly because the lead characters had lives outside of just boning each other). 


HARRY POTTER AND THE BLAH BLAH PART 2

It's the last Harry Potter movie. It's just as well made as the last one. I would have preferred if they just combined both movies into one epic, 4 hour event, but it's ok. What's strange is that I was more emotionally invested in the book than with the film. (I refer to certain characters' deaths that had more of an impact in print). And the coda in the future was just plain ridonkulous. Still, a great end to a series of films that actually kept getting better as they were produced.

ATTACK THE BLOCK

This movie was pretty kick ass. There was a lot of hype from the internet movie sites, hyping this thing to end, calling it the end all be all of geek cinema, which is not true. In fact, the over-hype may have soured me a little bit. However, this movie was pretty awesome, harkening back to an old school John Carpenter feel (down to the score, even). And the creature design is pretty terrific. So terrific that I kept drawing it on whatever I could find.

This took a good half hour out of my day.

But as an antidote to most of the big budget blockbuster alien flicks, this invasion flick about a gang of London punks who defend their building tenement from neon teeth beasts was far superior. Well worth checking out, even if it didn't quite live up to the hype, in my mind.


30 MINUTES OR LESS

If you saw the preview, you saw the movie. It's not necessarily that it's a bad movie, just that there was literally nothing more to it than what was shown in the preview, aside from a few good Aziz Ansari one liners. (You're not a grown up, last night you had a Lunchables for dinner!) But this tale of inept crooks who strap a bomb to a pizza guy's chest so that he robs a bank for them plays off like Elmore Leonard-lite, and that's not necessarily a compliment. Even more frustrating is (SPOILER ALERT) there are really no consequences for anyone given the survival rates of the characters. Good for a few laughs, but you can wait for Netflix for a breezy 80 minute time. Sorely lacking the style and wit of the director/star's previous outing of Zombieland, which leads you to believe that flick's strength was the doing of the screenwriters.

I've also managed to check out a few flicks at home, as well that are worth checking out. Never Let Me Go was like a very well made but depressing art house version of The Island. I also liked The Adjustment Bureau quite a bit until the literal dues ex machina in the end. Make Believe is a fun documentary about teen illusionists that's winning and fun. And speaking of illusionists, The Illusionist, the follow up to Triplets of Belleville, is another interesting animation using pictures and very little dialogue. It's also depressing as fuck. And finally, there's I Love You Phillip Morris, which felt like a Coen Brothers movie, anchored by a fascinating story and a not at all annoying lead performance by Jim Carrey.

That's what I've seen lately. I also finally caught Close Encounters of the Third Kind, which is pretty awesome, and I'm glad I didn't see it before Super 8, because that movie owes a LOT to Close Encounters. Anyway, I'm hoping to catch the Apes and Captain America before summer ends.

OH, and friend of the blog OMAR saw Colombiana, and his voice mail to me consisted of "Oh my goodness... oh my goodness... oh my goodness. You have to let me know when you see it. It does things I've never seen in an action movie before."

So there you have it. Straight from Omar's mouth directly to your ears eyes.

There have been a lot of videos posted lately...

And here's one more!



I promise I'll post up some reviews, but between new job and cutting a movie, I haven't had much time to see anything. But what I did see, I"ll let you know about.

Someday.

They made a Black Dynamite cartoon!

It involves Black Dynamite fighting puppets. It might be one of the greatest things ever. 

Shark Week

This gets off to a slow start, but the ending is worth the wait. 

Shark Hangover from Dolph Lundgren     

It's My Car

Larry's review of Zookeeper

"Dude, it's a masterpiece of awful and unfunny."

-Larry

Yeah, so here's They Might Be Giants doing a cover of Tubthumping

They Might Be Giants covers Chumbawamba

I drink a whiskey drink, I drink a vodka drink, and when I have to pee, I use the  kitchen sink.

I sing a song that reminds me I'm a urinating guy.

Catching up on some flicks, and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, I've got tons of excuses for not going to movies lately. But I've managed to see a few, and  here's what I have to say about them.

SOURCE CODE - Pretty terrific. The logic falls apart a bit by the end, but at that point I was so invested in the characters that I didn't care so much about logic. Duncan Jones makes great Outer Limits-esque storylines into compelling and awesome movies. (Loses points for not having as memorable a score as Moon).

HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN - Like a demented Troma flick that never was. Rutger Hauer does a great job portraying the titular hobo, and I mean that in no sarcastic terms whatsoever. He really gives a great performance. Probably best I've seen all year thus far. The movie itself is bloody and nihilistic, and would feel right at home in the early 80s alongside Troma's War. Worth checking out, just try not to let the color timing talk you out of it. (PS- The Plague OWNS!)

THOR - The stuff in Asgard was like watching the greatest 70s prog rock album cover come to life! Chris Hemsworth gives a star making lead performance as Thor (The diner scene alone is proof enough of this) and I look forward to seeing more of him as this character. The rest of the movie was pretty entertaining as well, though the Asgard stuff was certainly more compelling than the Earth-bound stuff. I was happy that it didn't feel like another 2 hour Avengers commercial (Iron Man 2, I'm lookin in your direction...) Plus any movie that has Natalie Portman AND Kat Dennings, yet manages to have an even hotter woman in the form of Jamie Alexander, who kicks Frost Giant ass, is alright by me.

PRIEST - This movie is like the inbred offspring of Underworld, Blade, and those crappy 20 minutes of Judge Dredd that took place in the wasteland. (As opposed to the crappy 80 minutes that took place in the major city). Hero of the blog KARL URBAN manages to be the only person (aside from the production designer, actually) that's having any sort of fun, and as such, any scene that doesn't feature him suffers greatly. This is a movie I wouldn't be surprised to find on How Did This Get Made. Yet, it's not so horrible it's entertaining, although it toes that line...

X-MEN FIRST CLASS - What a fun movie this turned out to be! I've been bitching and moaning about how the marketing for the film has focused way too much on showing almost everything, set piece wise (a claim which I still contend happened) but the result was far better than I was expecting. Terrific performances mostly all around, especially from McAvoy, Lawrence, and Fassbender. Only exception is January Jones, who is downright terrible, but is at least pleasing to look at in her underwear (which is practically the whole time). But they make up for it by casting EVERY awesome character actor to play minor parts, like James Remar, Ray Wise, and MICHAEL IRONSIDE! It felt like an old school Bond flick (Kudos to the composer for appropriate flavored tracks).

SUPER 8 - Unabashedly love this film. I can understand why people might not like it, and I can certainly understand the "Enough with lens flares, JJ" arguments, but quite frankly, I thought this was great. The kids were great, the nostalgic feel was pitch perfect, the kids filmmaking experiences is just as authentic as Son of Rambow's. Perhaps even more so. I may actually go and see this again in theaters. Just a great time. Can't recommend this enough.

On the video front, I recently caught The Mechanic (great Statham action flick, which means it's a pretty entertaining modern day Cannon flick), Due Date (rarely laughed, found it mean spirited and kind of obnoxious, actually) and I don't know if I mentioned this before, but Drive Angry is absolute shit.

Also, I've been mildly obsessed with the show Friday Night Lights, which I found dramatically compelling, but the continuity errors regarding the time of day/days of week, day/night, as well as the shaky cam editing can get a little obnoxious at times. Otherwise, it's great, although season 2 is getting a little crazy, but we'll see.

Wish I had these effects when I was a kid

We just had to use crap like our "Imaginations" and filming the TV to get Star Wars effects.

That Russian Dude with the Guns is BACK AND BIGGER THAN EVER!!!

Books... Check em out!

Occasionally I enjoy reading. More than occasionally, actually. Books are great. Just like this informative video tells us.



So recently I picked up The Devil's Candy, a book that chronicles the making of the Hollywood flop Bonfire of the Vanities. Nobody could have known while making it that the film would be as large a flop as it became.

(And certainly reading the book, you would have no idea that would happen, as it seemed to be a relatively easy shoot, not an unmitigated disaster of nonsense like Heaven's Gate or that Terry Gilliam film that never made it past 6 days of filming.)

All in all, it's a decent read, but what really makes it worth it, at least reading my copy of it, was this horribly inappropriate pull quote on the back from Kirkus Reviews.

That's one to grow on

Sure, it was from 1991, and there was no possible way of knowing what future events would lie in store, but, really, how fucked up a quote is this to say to begin with? On top of which, the book isn't really that ground breaking or provocative, or scandalous. It's quite passive agressive and full of meandering details that amount to nothing in the end.

Still, looks like I have a collectors' item on my hands.

Books... check em out!

ROADSIDE TRAILER

Check out this trailer I edited. It's for a movie I'm editing.

Fast Flippin Five!!! (and some other things)

Hands down, the best summer movie since Star Trek. Unbelievably badass and fun, in a turn your brain off and enjoy ridiculous fights, amazing car chases, and homoerotic tension between bros, bro.

My friend Larry says it best: It's like Bayhem, but with coherence.

Just a fun time at the movies, full of some terrific and exciting set pieces.

In Other News:

Den of Geek has a great interview with There's Always Mini Golf personal hero/patron saint KARL URBAN. Check that out.

Also, if you're in the market for a good podcast, check out How Did This Get Made. A bunch of funny people celebrating terrible movies. Well worth a listen.

Important message

This about sums it up.

And that's kind of a good thing.


Today Now! Interviews The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of "Fast Five"

Laughter... the best medicine.

Weird Al owns all.

Funny Or Die Beats Weird Al at Twitter from Al Yankovic

One more tweener... Win Win!

From the man who directed The Station Agent and The Visitor comes another great movie full of everything you love about movies. Great characters, great story, great acting, laughs, drama, heart, Bobby Cannavale, and a setting in New Jersey. (Even if it was shot in New York). The ending is a little too tidy and neat, but it doesn't matter. One of the best movies out there right now, and well worth checking out.

How about some Tweeners?!?

Haven't seen too many flicks lately, but I did catch a few and here's my opinion of them:

Paul: I thought this was terrific nerdy goodness. Some people complained that it was too full of references to other movies and pot jokes to be entertaining, but I disagree. I thought the references were actually necessary for character development (as this is how they would talk) and there's one scene where they smoke pot.  Also, I'm convinced that Pegg and Edgar Wright need to work together again, as I think Pegg's sensibilities are what's missing from Scott Pilgrim, but are more evident here. (Obviously). All in all, though, I really enjoyed Paul. Seth Rogen should do more voice work, and everyone who complains that the FX are terrible need to actually pay attention and not just board hype/hate trains. (Like the one that's knocking down Sucker Punch and Your Highness).

Also, you can't beat any movie that references to Mac and Me AND Capturing the Friedmans. Especially if that joke is right before the small cowboy line. 

Cedar Rapids: Pretty good, entertaining enough flick, but if you've sen the preview, you know most of the jokes already, which is a shame. Very slight, but still fun, and it actually has a core sweetness to it that's not pandering to mid-West folks, which is refreshing. In the beginning you think it's gonna be jokes about rubes who have faith, but ultimately it wins you over. Still, no need to rush out, it'll make a fine home viewing experience.

The King's Speech: Finally saw this, the last of the Best Picture nominees (and the eventual winner). What a good film! I can see how it won Best Picture over Facebook movie, and rightfully so. Like 127 Hours, you actually feel something after it's over. You see the man overcome his problems, you see his friendship with the doctor blossom amidst adversity, you see the epic scale of the war and of England's problems, and at the end, you feel good about yourself and humanity. You don't come out just thinking "Wow, what a well made movie." Performances are great across the board, direction is tight, some camera lenses are a bit weird, but who cares? Well worth checking this movie out, and well worth all the awards it did garner.

Sax Man

C3Pegg-0

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Battle Los Angeles: I saw it

Remove the first reel from the movie, and Battle LA was just like Tron Legacy: It's a freakin awesome spectacle that falls apart the moment you start to think about it. My solution: Don't think about it.

Full disclosure: I went in expecting to completely hate it based on everything I read elsewhere. On top of which, I'm a cynical bastard, and even the slightest thing can have me turn against a movie (slightly out of focus, framed too high/low, off sound mix). So when the awful shaky cam began, and inexplicably continued through the god-awful expository opening scenes, I was prepared to dismiss it, but give the guy who cut the trailer an Academy Award for tricking me so well.

Then reel 2 began, and that's when they should have just started the movie. I don't need or want to know anything about these stock characters. I still don't know anything about the characters, except there were three black guys and one had glasses, one had an accent, and one was angry, but he sort of disappears and I thought he was dead until his convenient "Arc" has to be resolved.

See what I mean about thinking about it too much?

Anyway, point is, that stretch from the Police Station to the Military base is damn exciting and intense filmmaking that miraculously managed to hook me in and turn my opinion of the film around. Yes, it's stupid, one-note, jingoistic as hell, and I'm probably a little dumber having seen it, but I still enjoyed myself and can't understand the extreme vitriol the film is receiving. Especially when a film like Drive Angry (shot in 3D!) exists, one of the worst movies I've ever seen unleashed to the public in a long time.

And you know what? Kudos to the filmmakers for not making this in 3D! That alone should garner half a star. Of course, were it in 3D, the nausea levels would be astronomical.

People in my audience were getting up and leaving, jag offs were checking their iPhones through the whole thing (seriously, people, knock that shit off. Screens are bright in a dark place, how can you not realize this, and why do you need to hold the screen right in front of you?), and there were people next to me who fell asleep (when the lights came up, I found piles of Pixie sticks layin on the ground, which would explain that part, but being they were late 20 yr old dudes, actually just raises more questions). My favorite reaction, though, was the woman behind me, who kept freaking out because the "locations" were a mile away from where we were watching it. ("That's the Overland exit!")

PS- I enjoyed that they keep calling it Battle LA, but didn't realize until the end credits that the LA stands for Louisiana. Despite what the woman behind me believes.

R. Bill Mountain's Response to the last post.

Due to Charlie Sheen taking up all the bandwidth server errors on the blogspot part, R. Bill Mountain, one of the six of you who still read this site, was unable to voice his opinion on the matter.

I now present to you his response:

Darn blogger wouldn't let me sign in to comment on yer blog. So here it is:

Agreed. Less marketing nonsense, more cinephilia. Fewer numbers, greater Karl Urban gags. Amen.

Time to make it about the pictures, man.

Balls. 

So there you have it. More Urban!!!

Who could refuse such an offer?

Box Office Report: The End?

Dude here again. As you might have been able to tell, I haven't been doing the box office report the past couple of weeks. The first week was because I was on a trip for the weekend, and didn't feel like bringing my computer.

The second week was because, well, I think I've reached the end of writing about box office reports. I've been writing one for the better part of 6 years for Moviesonline and for this blog, and while I love doing it there's only so much one can write about crappy movies making money.

This shouldn't come as a shock, I've been quite open and even openly belligerent towards my distaste of stupid films receiving lots of money while worthy films go into obscurity. And there's only so many ways one can talk about that for every week. Snark takes many forms, and I believe I used every one in my column.

It's been a lot of fun doing it, but I think, like Tom Petty says, "It's time to move on."

I will still continue to update the blog with my musings and ramblings, and occasional reviews of movies, but a lot of that spark has burned out as well, I'm afraid. Trailers give everything away from movies, websites are given constant videos of movies to the point where I feel I've seen the movie twice before it's even released in a theater. All the incessant coverage from movie sites, and their collective need to be "First" in reporting casting news and rumors like it's CNN World News, has really turned me off from wanting to write about it.

It's killing my love of movies, to be honest. And I can't let that happen.

Working in this industry is difficult and degrading enough as it is. When websites that were started out of fan devotion are becoming competitors (and ultimate destroyers) of venerable institutions like Variety and The Hollywood Reporter, something is wrong. Look, I don't need to know who's going to cameo in Hangover 2 until it inevitably shows up from Netflix. I especially don't need to know a year in advance of the film's release.

On top of which, reducing films to terms of commerce and judging their worth based on how much money they can make in short periods of time is just plain sad. It's like jocks kicked out the nerds and turned everything into a competition.

Or as Charlie Sheen would say, Winning! (TOPICAL HUMOR!)

Anyway, unless there's an overwhelming response from the readership, I don't think there will be anymore box office reports. I'll still put up mini reviews and wry comments, as always, but reporting on the numbers is indefinitely suspended.

Talkin music, and another video.

In honor of Radiohead's new album released this week, here's Morgan Freeman receiving his boxed set of the last album.



By the way, I've been listening to the new album like crazy, and I somewhat enjoy it. But I'm through defending Radiohead and my love of them, so you're on your own when it comes to this one.

Music of late I haven't really been paying much attention to. The best album I heard last year was the new Underworld album. And yes, it does make me very happy when there's a new Radiohead and a new Underworld album released within a few months of each other. (Just like their previous albums, now that I think about it).

In other music news, it's a bummer about the White Stripes breaking up, but then I take comfort in knowing that there might be a new Soundgarden album on the way. My 16 year old self has never been happier.

Predator Musical

Not as good as my Se7en musical, but what can you do?



Bonus from /Film, dancing Predators on the set of part 2!

We can only hope the Oscars will end up like this

What's That? You need to see a Russian shooting different guns at water jugs?

Thanks to Geekologie for finding this.

Box Office Report: Lots of new movies and one with gnomes

Dude here again.  Hey, how about those recent current events in Egypt, eh? Or that super bowl of football that was played last week? Or anything else that's not movie related? Can we talk about something different for just one week? For a change?

Nah, I'm just fuckin' with ya! 

This weekend, a neck and neck battle between the titles beginning with "J", while my estimation of humanity drops down a few more pegs. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Just Go With It (Sony)- $31.0, 3548 screens, week 1, $31.0 total

2. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (Par) - $30.2, 3105 screens, week 1, $30.2 total

3. Gnomeo and Juliet (BV) - $25.5, 2994 screens, week 1, $25.5 total

4. The Eagle (Focus)- $8.5, 2296 screens, week 1, $8.5 total

5. The Roommate (ScrGms) $8.4, 2534 screens, week 2, $26.0 total

6. The King's Speech (Wein)- $7.4, 2263 screens, week 13, $93.8 total

7 No Strings Attached (Par) - $5.6, 2756 screens, week 4, $59.8 total

8. Sanctum (Uni)- $5.1, 2789 screens, week 2, $17.5 total

9. True Grit (Par)- $3.7, 2072 screens, week 8, $160.3 total

10. Green Hornet (Sony) - $3.6, 2090 screens, week 5, $92.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that the top two movies are neck and neck for our mediocre viewing pleasure. The Adam Sandler/Jennifer Anniston romantic "comedy" Just Go With It seems to be in the lead, but who knows. The posters for this movie seem like rejected designs from the fake movies Sandler made for Funny People, so I'm a little surprised to find out it's real.

Hot on that film's heels is a documentary about a 16 year old boy (in 3D) managed to capture the hearts and imaginations of the people. The Bieber doc has exposed many people as fans and this opening proved this precocious boy and his hair charm everyone around them with auto-tuned glee. Except me.

Gnomeo and Juliet, the animated retelling of the Shakepearean romantic tragedy with lawn gnomes, had a impressive debut considering it opened up this same weekend. It sounds like the best movie out of any that were released this weekend, and far more interesting than that Leonardo DiCaprio version we got fiteen years ago. Holy shit, has it been fifteen years? Anyway, gnomes.

One thing's for sure, though. Nobody really wants to see The Eagle.

Fun Fact: Anniston is recognized by my spell-check.

Below the radar, Cedar Rapids, the latest from Miguel Areta, opened up on 15 screens and took in $311,000. There's also something called Vidal Sassoon: The Movie, which opened on one lowly screen, but took in $14,300 on that one screen, so what the hell do I know?

So there you have my amazing breakdown. Next week, a few more releases, one of which includes Liam Neeson traversing through Europe and kicking people's asses, which means you should see it above anything else. Or he'll find out. 

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Best/Worst of 2010 - Addendum Pt. 1

Catching up on some of the flicks from last year that I haven't seen yet, some of which happen to have been nominated for shiny gold statues.

(Curiously, when I typed "Shiny Gold Statues" into Google Images, the following image came up).

Matt Day-mun!

Of those films, only one has rocketed to the top of my best of list: 127 Hours.

What a tremendous film! I came out of that actually feeling something more than "What a nicely crafted movie about people I don't care about", which is what I felt after the facebook movie.
James Franco overexposure aside, his performance is nothing short of extraordinary. Danny Boyle once again knocks it out of the park in a very tense, very moving, very life affirming flick. Very well done. Truly one of the best of the year, and it's a shame it's getting overlooked for awards.

In a way, that makes it a much cooler movie, but it's a shame not enough people are seeing it.

Mini Tweeners as follows...


The Other Best Picture Nominees I've Seen:
True Grit - Solid, but doesn't feel like a Coen Brothers movie at all. Girl deserves the award, though.
The Fighter - Again, solid. Bale's great, Walhberg's great, it's crowd pleasing and worthy of your time.
The Kids Are All Right - It's fine, everyone's fine, but don't understand the love for it. Frankly, Please Give should have gotten the attention and love this did.
Winter's Bone - Intriguing. I liked seeing this world on film. That girl is deadly serious. 

She makes this face for literally the entire film.

Other nominated films:
Animal Kingdom - Powerful and intense, with some great performances.
Blue Valentine - Great performances, but depressing as fuck. 
Exit Through The Gift Shop - I really dug this flick, even if it is all a hoax. It was cheeky fun.

  
Not nominated but intriguing nonetheless:
The Killer Inside Me - Brutally violent, intense pulpy Jim Thompson adaptation.
The Square - Not bad Australian noir. A bit too dour, but solid performances.
MicMacs - If you enjoy French whimsy, you'll love this. I quite enjoyed it.
OSS 117 Lost In Rio  - Really fun, French whimsy (these movies are strangely working in pairs). Bonus points for the casual racism!
The Girl with Dragon/Fire/Hornets - I really enjoyed all three of these flicks. Noomi Repace is quite fascinating, and I can't wait to see her in this Ridley Scott sci-fi flick. I can't imagine what Fincher's remake will bring to the table, because these are pretty solid. However, should Fincher make the second film, he should cast Dolph Lundgren in a key role.

You know you'd see this movie.

Not Nominated For Anything and Kinda Lame:
Prince of Persia  - Watching Former Roommate Dan play video games was more enjoyable, better acted, and made more narrative sense than this movie. On top of which, it was boring.


Still Need To See:
The King's Speech - But Marty my Father-In-Law declares it "The Best Movie He's Seen Since Coming Home", so that tells you something right there.
Jackass 3D - I'm shamed for not having seen this yet.

Still Haven't Made it Past These Opening Credits Yet:
Enter The Void


(Not good if you're prone to seizures)

Box Office Report: Nobody Cares

Dude here again. Another yawn inducing weekend has graced us. Nary a surprise in sight. People say it's because of the Big Game that's happening later today, but I think it's because everything sucks.

Except Tron. 

This weekend, a teen horror movie that's not a remake takes the top spot, while James Cameron discovers he's not quite king of the world afterall. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Roommate (ScrGms) $15.6, 2534 screens, week 1, $15.6 total

2. Sanctum (Uni)- $9.2, 2787 screens, week 1, $9.2 total

3 No Strings Attached (Par) - $8.4, 3050 screens, week 3, $51.7 total

4. The King's Speech (Wein)- $8.3, 2584 screens, week 11, $84.1 total

5. Green Hornet (Sony) - $6.1, 3033 screens, week 4, $87.2 total

6. The Rite (WB) - $5.3, 2985 screens, week 2, $23.6 total

7. The Mechanic (CBS)- $5.3, 2704 screens, week 2, $20.0 total

8. True Grit (Par)- $4.7, 2902 screens, week 7, $155.0 total

9. The Dilemma (Uni)- $3.4, 2545 screens, week 4, $45.7 total

10. Black Swan (FoxS) - $3.4, 1977 screens, week 10, $95.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that scary roommates are this week's possessed! The Roommate, released just in time for college kids to return to a new semester, capitalized on CW counter-programming to pull off another weak weekend. Since costs were probably kept low, this will turn out to be a success. Champagne and hookers for all!

Sanctum proved that if you're going to have a 3D cave movie that's rated R, you should try to put a little more into it than just attaching the Avatar guy's name and hoping that's enough. At the very least, put the creatures from The Descent in it!  Morons.

Pity last week's new releases, with astounding drops from last week. When does that Thor movie get here?

Hooray for the Oscar nominated flicks, which really class up the top ten list with their higher numbers. And kudos to you all for seeing them in theaters.

Fun Fact: If you take your 3D glasses into Black Swan, it actually works!

Below the radar, Cold Weather opened up on one screen and took in $15,100, which gives it the highest per screen average. Also opening up is Waiting For Forever, which opened on 3 screens, took in $10,200, and garnered some of the worst reviews for a release this year!

So there you have my amazing breakdown. Next week brings us a documentary about a pubescent boy that looks like a girl but gets paid millions of dollars while I enter my third unemployment renewal. And a 3D animated movie about gnomes.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Beethoven & The Wicker Man: Together At Last!

McBain! (Not the Walken one)

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Box Office Report: Weak Sauce

Dude here again. Stuck with a cold, or the flu, or flu-like symptoms this week. It's a lot of fun, as everything I do seems to exhaust me right now. But that''s not gonna stop the numbers. Because nothing can stop the numbers!

Just like nothing can stop the Grimace. (From McDonalds).

This weekend, a very weak January weekend closes us out, with nothing really redeeming worth mentioning. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Rite (WB) - $15.0, 2985 screens, week 1, $15.0 total

2 No Strings Attached (Par) - $13.6, 3022 screens, week 2, $39.7 total

3. The Mechanic (CBS)- $11.5, 2703 screens, week 1, $11.5 total

4. Green Hornet (Sony) - $11.5, 3524 screens, week 3, $78.8 total

5. The Kings Speech (Wein)- $11.1, 2557 screens, week 10, $72.7 total

6. True Grit (Par)- $7.6, 3120 screens, week 6, $148.3 total

7. The Dilemma (Uni)- $5.4, 2901 screens, week 3, $40.6 total

8. Black Swan (FoxS) - $5.1, 2315 screens, week 9, $90.7 total

9. The Fighter (Par) $4.0, 1914 screens, week 8, $78.3 total

10. Yogi Bear (WB)- $3.1, 2133 screens, week 7, $92.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that exorcisms are the hot new horror trend that will be overdone within the next 18 months. Yes, despite a supremely lackluster opening, Anthony Hopkins and the devil managed to "scare" up a small amount and be declared the king. I'm really ashamed at myself about that "scare" line, but I figure I'd put it in quotes, as the film is also just as likely to "scare" you out of anything besides your hard earned money.

No Strings Attached (or as I like to call it, the less funny Blue Valentine) held on to a scond place, and didn't relinquish too much of last week's take. So good for Natalie Portman!

Ah, Statham. On the one hand, The Mechanic opened up and did about on par with normal Statham flicks. On the other, in the dead of January, it should have done much better. Still not stopping me from seeing it, at least.

The Oscar nominations were announced this week, which explains the continued presence and money collecting of King's Speech, True Grit, Black Swan, and The Fighter. Just below the top ten, 127 Hours expanded again, and had one of the best weekend performances since opening 13 weeks ago.

Fun Fact: Yogi Bear has almost approached the same tally as the OTHER Justin TImberlake movie, the one about the face books.

Below the radar, something called From Prada to Nada, which is apparently a hip, Latino retelling of Pride and Prejudice, opened up on 256 screens and took in $1.1 million! ALso, Biutiful finally opened up on more than 2 screens (57 to be exact) and took in $461,000. And because it's not just arty flicks below the radar, Ip Man 2, Hong Kong sequel to the pretty kick as Ip Man, opened up on 20 screens and took in $63,500. And Gregg Araki's Kaboom opened on one screen to take in $13,700, and the highest per screen average of this slow, slow weekend.

So there you have my amazing breakdown. Next week brings us more weakness as a PG-13 "thriller" is released, along with something else I don't really care about either.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

A New Blog

I've gone and made a new blog. It's called Stuff With Faces. It features a gallery of pictures I've taken of things in real life that have faces.

It sounds uber-pretentious when I say it like that. Here's a sneak peak, of an alternate of one of the posts to show you what I'm dealing with. Check it out, won't you?

They fell on the board that way, I snapped the pic.

So check it out. And if you like it, show it in the only currency of matter and like it on the facebooks. Or don't.

It's entirely up to you.

Dear Michael Bay

I will go see your new film Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon only if it includes anything as awesome as this clip.



(Also, will consider seeing it if it synchs up perfectly with Pink Floyd's The Wall. Or anything by Rush).

Box Office Report: Eh

Dude here again. I'm pretty tired right now. I've had a long day, and staring at the computer screen hurts my eyes more than somewhat.

So all you're getting is numbers.

This weekend, Natalie Portman movie comes out that possibly doesn't include lesbians and fingernail wrenching. It makes money. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. No Strings Attached (Par) - $20.3, 3018 screens, week 1, $20.3 total

2. Green Hornet (Sony) - $18.1, 3584 screens, week 2, $63.4 total

3. The Dilemma (Uni)- $9.7, 2943 screens, week 2, $33.3 total

4. The Kings Speech (Wein)- $9.1, 1680 screens, week 9, $58.6 total

5. True Grit (Par)- $8.0, 3464 screens, week 5, $138.6 total

6. Black Swan (FoxS) - $6.2, 2407 screens, week 8, $83.5 total

7. The Fighter (Par) $4.5, 2275 screens, week 7, $73.0 total

8. Little Fockers (Uni)- $4.3, 2979 screens, week 5, $141.1 total

9. Yogi Bear (WB)- $4.0, 2510 screens, week 6, $88.8 total

10. Tron Legacy (BV) - $3.7, 2018 screens, week 6, $163.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that you know the drill from here.

Fun Fact: It still took me two hours to write this, mostly because The Matrix Revolutions was on in the background. This movie's pretty bad, like it's all shot by a second unit crew. Da hell?

So there you have my amazing breakdown. Next week brings us a Statham movie. So bellow a mighty huzzah!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness

Box Office Report: Jaunaury is the new April!

Dude here again. Well into the first month of the new year, and already, we got record breaking numbers. Actually, we don't. Well, we might, but who cares, really?

It's not like you have any personal interest vested on these records, that are arbitrary anyway.

This weekend, Seth Rogen does the super hero thing, while Vince Vaughn tries the comedic melodrama thing. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Green Hornet (Sony) - $34.0, 3584 screens, week 1, $34.0 total

2. The Dilemma (Uni)- $17.4, 2940 screens, week 1, $17.4 total

3. True Grit (Par)- $11.2, 3459 screens, week 4, $126.4 total

4. The Kings Speech (Wein)- $9.0, 1453 screens, week 8, $33.2 total

5. Black Swan (FoxS) - $8.1, 2328 screens, week 7, $72.9 total

6. Little Fockers (Uni)- $7.1, 3394 screens, week 4, $134.2 total

7. Tron Legacy (BV) - $5.6, 2439 screens, week 5, $156.9 total

8. Yogi Bear (WB)- $5.3, 2702 screens, week 5, $82.0 total

9. The Fighter (Par) $5.1, 2414 screens, week 6, $65.7 total

10. Season of the Witch (Rela.) - $4.5, 2827 screens, week 2, $17.9 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Green Hornet actually played it safe by not opening around Christmas, as originally intended. Letting the Tron 3D play itself out, so that audiences are refreshed for some Gondry-inspired 3D shenanigans with Seth Rogen as a superhero based on a 30s radio serial, turned out to be a good call, as Green Hornet made an impressive $34 in 3 days. Because of most Hollywood wisdom, that's sadly considered a disappointment.

The Dilemma, a comedy with Vince Vaughn directed by Ron Howard, of all people, settled into second, proving that most people will see anything Vince Vaughn is attached to.

Impressive jumps for King's Speech and Black Swan, impressive stay for True Grit, impressive drop for Fockers and Season of the Witch. Something almost seems right with the universe.

Fun Fact: For 6 days, Season of the Witch managed to be the top grossing film released in 2011.

Below the radar, something called The Heart Specialist opened on 422 screens and took in $540,000. Something called Barney's Version (which I assume has nothing to do with Rubble, The Dinosaur, or How I Met Your Mother) took in $71,700 on 4 screens for the highest per screen average of the weekend. And something called Every Day opened on 3 screens and took in a nice ten grand.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we see if the "Norbit" curse of releasing something that looks terrible in the middle of an impressive Oscar campaign holds any merit, as Natalie Portman acts against Ashton Kutcher in some Apatow-wannabe-looking flick. Stay Country Strong, everybody! 

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

I am Jack's Transmografier Ray

Pretty clever little video.

Box Office Report: Jaunaury Doldrums

Dude here again. Coming at you on a lazy sunday with some lazy January numbers.

And to continue the tradition, I"m going to lazily report them.

This weekend, a boring Nicolas Cage movie rings a barely heard bell to an indifferent mass that's not really listening anyway. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. True Grit (Par)- $15.0, 3124 screens, week 3, $110.4 total

2. Little Fockers (Uni)- $13.7, 3675 screens, week 3, $123.9 total

3. Season of the Witch (Rela.) - $10.7, 2816 screens, week 1, $10.7 total

4. Tron Legacy (BV) - $9.8, 3013 screens, week 4, $147.9 total

5. Black Swan (FoxS) - $8.3, 1584 screens, week 6, $61.4 total

6. Country Strong (ScrGms)- $7.3, 1424 screens, week 3, $7.4 total

7. The Fighter (Par) $7.0, 2528 screens, week 5, $57.8 total

8. The Kings Speech (Sony)- $6.8, 758 screens, week 7, $33.2 total

9. Yogi Bear (WB)- $6.8, 3288 screens, week 4, $75.6 total

10. Tangled (BV) - $5.2, 2383 screens, week 7, $175.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that True Grit is the highest grossing Coen brothers movie (Domestically). The success also could mean a resurgence of the Western that will end as quickly as it began.

Season of the Witch finally opened up, after almost a year of sitting on a shelf. It underwhelmed audiences to the tune of $10 million this weekend, which is both sad and impressive.

Seriously… what the hell is Country Strong? I know it has Gwyneth Paltrow, and she sings country music, and the kids all like that because of that obnoxious Glee show, but I've not been able to find anything about this movie, the plot, or even any theater near me where it's playing. I'm convinced it's a Tropic Thunder parody.

Fun Fact: My friend Dave has a theory about the Twilight movies, about how there isn't an actual movie, but a collective thought experience where everyone believes they saw something, but in actuality did not.

Below the radar, nothing new opened up. A few more awards movies expanded, but that was about it, and nothing really worth reporting. Like I said, boring weekend.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, the January dump continues with Green Hornet, which actually looks pretty cool, and a Ron Howard movie.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

2 Videos 4 Thursday

Thanks to Brady for this first one.



And this second is the greatest montage ever assembled.



Somewhere in a prop house in Los Angeles exists a neon sign that just reads "Sex". My goal is to now find it.