Friday, October 30, 2009


I've been on a kick this week! A lot of reviews, and a lot of screenings of movies. (And a lot of nonsense dealing with my medical insurance, but that's neither here nor there).

Here's a Gentlemen Broncos review I wrote, and I can finally go ahead and say that I love this movie, but I'm fast realizing I'm in a minority on this one. But I don't care, I loved this movie.

And here's a Boondock Saints II review that's nowhere near as favorable.

(I didn't like the movie enough to find a picture, so instead here's what happened when I Black Dynamite-ed my Facebook profile picture. It's more entertaining than the Boondock Saints II)

The site's mainpage has had a facelift, and all the pages will soon follow, but I think it's a lot nicer. It's sleek, streamlined, not as hectic, and easier to navigate to all my brilliant writings. Soon, I'm gonna get a few video interviews up, as well as the aforementioned surprise that Brady and I are working on, which I'm still working on and will hopefully have done by the end of the weekend.

(That was more to Brady, and probably should have been included in an email, but whatever).

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

More new reviews?!?! What is this, bacon day?

I have one for Ong Bak 2 AND one for Antichrist! Check them out! Remember, they're the kind of infectious that's good to spread!

And the House of The Devil review I wrote was finally approved, too! I added it below, but you may as well check it out in this post, too!

To make matters even more awesome, I'll have two new reviews this week, as well! Finally been catching up with my reviews, and seeing far too many movies, but it's times like this that I truly embrace being the movie nerd I am. Very exciting times!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Some reviews and funny things I've written

Hola-ween, everybody!

So I came up with some pieces that they posted over at the site. One is about good Halloween double features.

The other is about how super excited I was about Saw VI, and how I treated myself to a marathon of the Saw movies.

I find them funny. Hope you do, too. And if you like these, then why not spread the word on your facebooks? I know I will.

Also, a little later today there should be a review of House Of The Devil.

This is Rob, giving a spooky tour in Newport.

And Brady and I are cooking up a surprise for all of you soon, keep your eyes peeled.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Box Office Report: Saw ___ Edition

Dude here again. I'm kind of amazed. It seems that a movie shot on a home video camera that's been out for 5 weeks and slowly expanding has taken on the Goliath that is the Saw franchise. And defeated it! I'm so shocked by this, that it needed to be discussed right away, instead of the usual esoteric nonsense greeting paragraph I'm accustomed to writing.

Ducks, bananas, and popcorn! (Had to do something weird, c'mon).

This weekend, up is down, black is white, dogs and cats live together! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Paranormal Activity (Par) - $22.0, 1945 screens, week 5, $62.4 total

2. Saw VI (LGF)- $14.8, 3036 screens, week 1, $14.8 total

3. Where The Wild Things Are (WB) - $14.4, 3735 screens, week 2, $53.9 total

4. Law Abiding Citizen (Over)- $12.7, 2890 screens, week 2, $40.3 total

5. Couples Retreat (Uni) $11.0, 3074 screens, week 3, $78.2 total

6. Astro Boy (Sum) - $7.0, 3014 screens, week 1, $7.0 total

7. The Stepfather (ScrGms) - $6.5, 2734 screens, week 2, $20.3 total

8. Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (Uni)- $6.3, 2754 screens, week 1, $6.3 total

9. Cloudy With A Change Of Meatballs (Sony) - $5.6, 2741 screens, week 6, $115.2 total

10. Zombieland (Sony)- $4.3, 2447 screens, week 4, $67.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Paranormal Activity followed the Blair Witch model one better, as it climbed to number one, a feat the Blair Witch was never able to do, despite the former film's enormous success. Still waiting for the backlash of "It's not that scary" that immediately followed Blair Witch, as well as a bizarre sequel.

Saw, we knew that this day would come sometime. We had a really great run, since October '04! I remember it well. But there are only so many homemade killing devices and traps that one can spring before people start to want other things. I'm not saying we can't be friends, Saw, but I think we should see other people.

Astro Boy is a movie about a boy robot, and like most movies about boy robots, not a lot of people saw it. Even fewer people went to see The Vampire's Assistant, which proves my maxim that Robots Trump Vampires. ALWAYS. (Take That Twilight!).

Sadly, in a disturbing metaphor for life, Robots, vampires, law abiding citizens, wild things, couples, saws, meatballs, and zombies ALL trump history, as Amelia, the story of Amelia Earhart, opened up in 11th place with just over $4 million. Insert "public schooling" joke here.

Below the radar, Antichrist, the divisive latest film from Lars Von Trier opened up on 6 screens and took in $73,000. Cult status soon to follow. Sadly, there are no numbers to report for Ong Bak 2, and this makes me sad.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, a Michael Jackson cash cow (too soon?) and the Gentlemen Broncos, the latest from the director of Napoleon Dynamite tries to take it on in limited release. Watch for records to be broken and sadness to be caused by one of these films.

Until next weekend.......

(Bisontenniel, by Dr. Ronald Chevalier)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Mos Eisley Spaceport...UPDATED!

(Courtesy of the man who voiced Darth Maul, and played Shaun's roommate that wasn't Nick Frost).

Then later in the day, I stumbled upon this! Joyous day, indeed!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Box Office Report: Wild Edition

Dude here again. It seems I have some numbers to report to you all. But I just don't feel like reporting them. I'm too wrapped up in a fantasy playland in my mind, where I run around, and large muppets talk to me and jump around and are all around awesome. And we build forts.

If only there were some movie that could adequately convey this...

This weekend, a movie that doesn't sound at all like my dreamworld opened up, along with this week's remake-du-jour and something else. Plus last week's movies continue to dominate! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Where The Wild Things Are (WB) - $32.4, 3735 screens, week 1, $32.4 total

2. Law Abiding Citizen (Over)- $21.2, 2890 screens, week 1, $21.2 total

3. Paranormal Activity (Par) - $20.1, 760 screens, week 4, $33.7 total

4. Couples Retreat (Uni) $17.9, 3009 screens, week 2, $63.3 total

5. The Stepfather (ScrGms) - $12.3, 2734 screens, week 1, $12.3 total

6. Cloudy With A Change Of Meatballs (Sony) - $8.1, 3037 screens, week 5, $108.2 total

7. Zombieland (Sony)- $7.8, 3171 screens, week 3, $60.8 total

8. Toy Story 1&2- 3-D (BV)- $3.0, 1489 screens, week 3, $28.5 total

9. Surrogates (BV) - $1.9, 2326 screens, week 4, $36.3 total

10. The Invention Of Lying (WB)- $1.9, 1624 screens, week 3, $15.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that the Wild Things franchise can still pack them in the theaters. I didn't see it, was there a hot 3-way in this one? Or was it just another Kevin Bacon wang-fest?

Law Abiding Citizen also opened up well, and answered the age old question what would a movie where the guy from PS I Love You terrorizes the guy from Stealth!

I figured out why everyone's seeing Couples Retreat. It's gotta be the closest anyone can get to a tropical getaway in these calamitous economic times. MESSAGE!

And because we almost ran out of movies to remake and sanitize to a PG-13, they decided to remake The Stepfather. And it opened up to $12 million, which is crazy considering I had no idea it actually opened. I received an email from a friend while he was watching the movie, and while I normally abhor this practice, he informed me that the entire audience he saw it with stopped caring about 15 minutes in, and starting having conversations more interesting than the movie. And one woman was on the phone with someone, describing what was happening to whoever was on the other line. Astounding.

Paranormal Activity continues to kick ass, with the highest per screen average once again. I can't even figure out the math regarding the budget versus the profit, but I can assure you it's a large number, and one that most movies don't really make anymore. It's inspiring me to make a horror movie entirely on my cell phone. I'll make the actors speak Esperanto, so that everyone will confuse it for a foreign horror film and call it brilliant, no matter what the quality actually is.

Below the radar, New York I Love You, a quasi-sequel to the short film fest Paris, I Love You, opened up on 119 screens and took in $372,000. Not bad, considering Brett Ratner is one of the directors. Also opening in limited release is Black Dynamite, taking in $141,000 on 70 screens. DY-NA-MITE!!!

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, what's this? They made another Saw movie?!?! Didn't the dude die 3 movies ago? I understand that Freddy and Jason can come back, but they make a point of humanizing the Jigsaw, to the point where we watched him die. After a nauseating brain surgery scene, no less. Oh, and something else comes out next week, too.

Until next weekend.......

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

New Movies Open This Week... AND I'VE SEEN 'EM!!!

I caught two new movies that are opening up at theaters this weekend. Firstly, I saw the highly anticipated Where The Wild Things Are, which I find funny because I could've seen a test version of it 2 years ago, but opted to see Juno instead. I'm glad I waited, though, as this version is probably far different from what was shown back then.

I also caught the baddest movie being released on any screen of all time: BLACK DYNAMITE!!! (DY-NO-MITE! DY-NO-MITE!) If this is playing near you, I highly recommend it. It's hi-larious, and fun, and it knows what it is but doesn't try to make fun of it as much as pay respect and create another character into the legion of Blaxploitation heroes. Frankly, I think it succeeds.

(The reviews may not convey that as much, as I wrote them rather late).

Still, check out the reviews, help me out. Thanks!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Box Office Retreat: Couples Edition

Dude here again. There's not too much to say about this new batch of numbers. Well, I'm sure there is, actually. Perhaps countless words! Perhaps I could write an entire dissertation about the numbers generated this weekend. Then they'd think twice about giving Obama that Nobel, and send it directly my way. Alas, you won't get those numbers because it's a slow weekend, and I have to go to a chocolate fair.

How jealous are you all?

This weekend, only one new film was released wide, but some held strong while some gained enormous traction. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Couples Retreat (Uni) $35.3, 3000 screens, week 1, $35.3 total

2. Zombieland (Sony)- $15.0, 3038 screens, week 2, $47.8 total

3. Cloudy With A Change Of Meatballs (Sony) - $12.0, 2992 screens, week 4, $96.2 total

4. Toy Story 1&2- 3-D (BV)- $7.6, 1752 screens, week 2, $22.6 total

5. Paranormal Activity (Par) - $7.0, 159 screens, week 3, $8.2 total

6. Surrogates (BV) - $4.1, 2992 screens, week 3, $32.5 total

7. The Invention Of Lying (WB)- $3.3, 1743 screens, week 2, $12.3 total

8. Whip It (FoxS) - $2.8, 1738 screens, week 2, $8.7 total

9. Capitalism: A Love Story (Over) - $2.7, 995 screens, week 3, $9.0 total

10. Fame (MGM)- $2.5, 3110 screens, week 3, $20.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that there are two amazing tales to behold. First of is Couples Retreat, which took in $35 million dollars! That's ridiculously huge numbers, and a welcome shot in the arm to Universal, who had a rough summer and allegedly just fired the people in charge of that rough summer. Couples Retreat charmed enough audiences to ensure the further reign of Vince Vaughn.

The other story belongs to Paranormal Activity, the homemade chiller expanded to a whopping 179 screens (2800 fewer screens than Couples Retreat) and started showing more shows per day (as opposed to the midnight-only showings that sold out the past two weekends) and took in $7.0, which places it in fifth place, but it's per screen average was $44,400, more than any other movie this week. Paramount has listened to fans' demands and is releasing the film wide next weekend, but this is quite remarkable, as it rarely happens.

(Off-topic, if Warner Brothers did this with Trick 'r Treat, they would have made a mint. If you don't know what I'm talking about, rent Trick 'r Treat. The new one. Not the Alice Cooper one. Although that's pretty awesome, too).

Certain holdovers continue to do well. Zombieland had a small drop, which makes it a bona fide hit! And audiences love that movie where it rains food. But nobody is seeing any of the other movies, either.

Below the radar, there's a documentary Chris Rock made called Good Hair. It opened on 116 screens, and took in just over $1 million. Interesting what documentaries make money. Also opening, An Education, which features a pretty British lass named Carey Mulligan (and people say she's fantastic in it and could garner "Oscar Buzz") opened up on 4 screens and took in $162,000, which brings the per screen average very close to Paranormal Activity's. But not close enough!

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, we finally get to discover where the wild things are! Plus there's a remake of The Stepfather that nobody really wants.

Until next weekend.......

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Zombieland effin rocks! And so does Trick R Treat!

It was pretty much a given, but fact is, the movie kicks an unholy amount of awesome arse.

I was asked to come up with a humorous editorial for the website. This is what I came up with. Please pass along the interwebs if you like.

Special thanks to R. Bill Mountain, who frankly couldn't have put the sentiment any better, and for whom I blatantly stole a sentence from and changed a few words to make it my own. Mostly because public schooling taught me that this could technically be called "RESEARCH" as long as I give credit to the original source. But also because I'm a lazy bastard.

(Artist's rendition)

And if you enjoy good, fun horror movies at Halloween, you owe it to yourself to check out Trick R Treat! It's almost a perfect movie, full of fun performances, smart storytelling, and a wicked sense of humor. Warner Bros really are fools for not releasing this in theaters. This would KILL with an audience. It's hella fun. The perfect Halloween movie.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Box Office Report: With Zombies!

Dude here again. I'm very disappointed, as nobody, not one single person, offered anything funny about last week's box office numbers. I'm now filled with a disturbing mixture of sadness and shame, with just a little bit of low self esteem. This lack of interactivity, the main selling point of the interwebs, is putting me into a funk I don't know if I'll get out of.

Screw that, I just found some pudding! Happiness, thy name is pudding!

This weekend, a bevy of new films open up to knock down those pesky meatballs. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Zombieland (Sony)- $25.0, 3036 screens, week 1, $25.0 total

2. Cloudy With A Change Of Meatballs (Sony) - $16.7, 2977 screens, week 3, $82.3 total

3. Toy Story 1&2- 3-D (BV)- $12.5, 1745 screens, week 1, $12.5 total

4. The Invention Of Lying (WB)- $7.3, 1707 screens, week 1, $7.3 total

5. Surrogates (BV) - $7.3, 2951 screens, week 2, $26.3 total

6. Capitalism: A Love Story (Over) - $4.8, 962 screens, week 2, $5.2 total

7. Whip It (FoxS) - $4.8, 1720 screens, week 1, $4.8 total

8. Fame (MGM)- $4.7, 3133 screens, week 2, $16.6 total

9. The Informant! (WB) - $3.8, 2425 screens, week 3, $26.5 total

10. Love Happens (Uni) $2.7, 1922 screens, week 3, $18.9 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that there is some justice and balance in the world, as a zombie survival movie has shown the good people the way, and taken the top spot! Yes Zombieland, not just in the minds of nerds everywhere, took in $25, making back it's budget and warning many across the land about the inherent risks of zombie uprising. Today, I'm proud. Almost makes up for that Transforming robots movie making $400 million. Almost.

Disney proved once again that even if you have a movie most people have watched countless times in the privacy of their own home, you can get people to shell out even more cash if it's in 3-D!! Yes the animated adventures of everyone's second favorite living toys (the first being Cherry 2000) came out in force and on 3-D and bested the other two newcomers. But not the raining meatball movie, which continues to hold steady despite having to surrender a number of screens to the Disney juggernaut. Impressive.

The Invention of Lying and Whip It also opened this week, but judging by their numbers nobody was aware of this. Shame, as they're both fascinating, fun, and warm films in their own right. But, let's be honest, if they had zombies in their movies, they would have fared better.

That's the first time I ever get to write those words and actually mean it. Bossome!

Capitalism: A Love Story opened up on more screens, and is attracting more people. But I feel really strange reporting on a movie's performance in terms of money, when the subject of the film is money and how effed the economic system is. Yeah, give me zombies over this one right now.

Below the radar, even more interesting things are afoot! Paranormal Activity, the chiller about a couple haunted in their new home (which if it's not playing near you, you can go to the website and "demand it" come to your town) took in $535,000 on 33 screens. What makes this even more impressive is the film is only being shown at midnight shows, and it still makes this kind of money. A Serious Man, the latest from the Coens, opened up on 6 screens to take in $252,000, but it has the highest per screen average of the entire week, with $42,000 per screen! And More Than A Game, the exciting tale of basketball that's MORE than basketball (and is allegedly good even if you hate basketball) took in $197,000. However, I'm sure all these films would have done better had they been made in 3-D.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, the broom keeps on sweeping the cluttered fall schedule duds and misfires to make room for even more films.

Until next weekend.......

Friday, October 02, 2009

Whip It: Not a Devo Documentary

I'll be damned, but I really enjoyed Whip It.

I also liked The Invention of Lying a lot, but I didn't like it enough to write about it yet, as I opted to take a nap. It'll be up tomorrow.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Random Thursday Nonsense.

In case anyone was curious to what I thought of the remaining 80 minutes of Jennifer's Body, I'm pleased to report that I liked it as much as the beginning. Really enjoyed it, and thought it had a good attention to detail that it didn't need to bring to the forefront.

But honestly, if they got Megan Fox to at least moon the camera, they would have made an extra $20 million. Still, the lesbian kissing scene between her and Amanda Seyfried is pretty hot. Even though there's no nudity in the movie.

(This got me to see 2 transforming robot movies in theaters. Sigh)

Moving on.

I copied and pasted this into the blog template last night, but then fell asleep and forgot what it was. Hopefully it's awesome, and not at all pornographic.

Find more videos like this on BAM Vid Vault

In case it's terrible, here's KITTENS!!!

I got my Serious Man review up at Moviesonline, and hopefully I'll have the link to it up soon. But it's a very worthwhile film that makes me laugh and makes me think.


(Also check out my weekly round up of movie news, coupled with biting social criticism. Or lame jokes. More of the latter. There will be a new one up tomorrow, as this is to last week's).

I'm very excited about Zombieland, but I don't know if I'm going to the midnight show tonight, or if I have to catch something else for the site. Possibly the Invention of Lying. We'll see.