Box Office Report: From the road!

Dude here again. I am on a cross country journey, recovering from the mother of all bachelor parties, but that's not enough to stop me from reporting the numbers. But keep in mind I have 2500 miles of road between where I am and where I need to be.

And where my clean slacks are.

This weekend, the horror match up of all time has descended upon us, and only one clear winner remains! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Final Destination (NL)- $28.3, 3121 screens, week 1, $28.3 total

2. Inglorious Basterds (Wein)- $20.0, 3165 screens, week 2, $73.7 total

3. Halloween 2 (Dim) - $17.4, 3025 screens, week 1, $17.4 total

4. District 9 (TriS) - $10.7, 3180 screens, week 3, $90.8 total

5. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Par) - $8.0, 3467 screens, week 4, $132.4 total

6. Julie & Julia (Sony) - $7.4, 2503 screens, week 4, $70.9 total

7. The Time Traveler's Wife (NL)- $6.7, 2961 screens, week 3, $48.1 total

8. Shorts (WB)- $4.8, 3105 screens, week 2, $13.5 total

9. Taking Woodstock (Focus) - $3.7, 1393 screens, week 1, $3.7 total

10. G-Force (BV) $2.8, 1926 screens, week 6, $111.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that when it comes to a horror showdown, it helps if your movie is in 3-D. The Final Destination, taking a cue from Fast and Furious and dropping numbers, captured the imaginations and $28 million versus the sequel to the remake of Halloween had to settle for third.

The Basterds held on reasonably well, and District 9 continues to kick the collective ass of the world.

Taking Woodstock, Ang Lee's nostalgic trip through the age of hippies filtered through the eyes of corporate multinational conglomerate culture, took in a relatively weak $3.7 million. Far cry from the opening of Hulk.

Below the radar, Big Fan starring Patton Oswalt took in $26,000 on 2 screens. Very impressive. There's also a documentary called The September Issue, which is about the woman who puts together Vogue, took in $240,000 on 6 screens, which is the highest per screen average of the weekend.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, a movie from guys that made Crank, and one from the maker of Office Space! And hopefully I will have successfully crossed the country, and made back to the land of palm trees and movie stars.

Until next weekend.......

Inglorious Box Office Report

Dude here again. I bring you the weekend numbers. Alongside, I offer commentary that's both insightful AND witty. I wouldn't go so far as to say what I write is brilliance, as it's not saving lives or changing the course of humanity. It's not ending wars, feeding the hungry, curing the ill, restoring economies, or anything like that.

But I would say it's just shy of pretty damn brilliant.

This weekend, Tarantino and Brad Pitt sell an art movie to a huge opening! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Inglorious Basterds (Wein)- $37.6, 3165 screens, week 1, $37.6 total

2. District 9 (TriS) - $18.9, 3050 screens, week 2, $73.4 total

3. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Par) - $12.5, 3953 screens, week 3, $120.5 total

4. The Time Traveler's Wife (NL)- $10.0, 2988 screens, week 2, $37.4 total

5. Julie & Julia (Sony) - $9.0, 2463 screens, week 3, $59.2 total

6. Shorts (WB)- $6.6, 3105 screens, week 1, $6.6 total

7. G-Force (BV) $4.2, 2561 screens, week 5, $107.3 total

8. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (WB) - $3.5, 1936 screens, week 6, $290.2 total

9. The Ugly Truth (Sony) - $2.8, 1971 screens, week 5, $82.8 total

10. Post Grad (Fox)- $2.8, 1959 screens, week 1, $2.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that the moviegoing public wanted to see Brad Pitt seek some Nazi-scalpin' justice (even though that's only about a 3rd of the movie). Holding steady after an impressive Friday debut, the latest film from Quentin Tarantino made a nice enough amount to keep the Weinstein Company in business for a few more months.

Tarantino's Grindhouse compatriot Robert Rodriguez released his latest handmade movie for kids, Shorts. Alas, Shorts didn't fare as well as his long time friend's film. At least we'll get Machete!

Post Grad made a mistake by opening late summer, when people are returning to school. this is a movie that should be released as students are graduating. Then, you also have to market it as a horror movie for students who are about to enter thereal world, and discover how frightening the world is these days. Just my two cents, if Hollywood wants to pay me for ideas, I'm always willing to listen.

Below the radar, something known as X Games 3D The Movie opened up. It made $800,000. This news saddens me.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, an epic showdown, as the sequel to the remake of a long running horror franchise takes on a last ditch 3-D effort to spice a more recent franchise.

Until next weekend.......

It's fuckin Friday!

It's fuckin Friday and I am FUCKIN PUMPED!!!!

It's my roommate Dan's birthday today and that can mean only one thing: WE'RE GOIN' TO FUCKIN' RED LOBSTER BITCHES!!!


I got him something for his birthday. Here's a hint:



That's right! I got him Kim Cattrall!!!

(Just kidding, I got him all teh seasons of Sex and the City on Blu Ray, but it's just like the same thing)!

Here's something to watch real fuckin loud at work, and/or with impressionable children around!!!



There's a weekend full of movies to see!!! Go see Inglorious Basterds! Or District 9! Or Cold Souls! Or (500) Days of Summer!(Review forthcoming). All good movies that you can check out at your local cinemas! (Mostly)!

And a hearty congratulations to friend of the blog Brady (or as the British girls like to call him "I'm Brady"). I received a mysterious text from him earlier today that simply read "I just got hitched". Fuckin a, dude! Way to go!

NERDY CUPCAKES!!!!


Sorry, those cheddar bay biscuits are like CRACK ROCK!!!!!!

If It's Good Enough For R2D2...

Topless Robot has a whole bunch more amazing and disturbing PSAs. Check them out!

This one was also on there, but it's too disturbing not to pass up.

In the excitement of other upcoming movies...

I've forgotten about The Expendables, which is due to make sweet love to our eyeballs next year.

It's got this amazing cast. Stallone. Jet Li. Statham. DOLPH FREAKIN' LUNDGREN!! Trejo's in it. so is Stone cold Steve Austin. I think Eric Roberts is in it!!! And now I'm hearing Bruce Willis is gonna have a cameo!

/Film has a video showing just a little bit of footage, but I think as soon as you see this picture, you know what the Academy Award for Best Picture will be in 2010.



If this movie wanted to kick even MORE ass, it would hire all the villains from the old 80s movies, like the guy from Renegade and the lead psycho in Cobra, and Patrick Kilpatrick. Real awesome villains.

Where District 9 sprung from

Box Office Report: Redemption

Dude here again. I'm enjoying these lazy days of August. Hanging around, rollin' in my 6-4. Sipping on gin and juice.

With my mind on my money and my money on my mind.

This weekend, a movie truly worthy of making the amount of money it did finally takes the top spot! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. District 9 (TriS) - $37.0, 3049 screens, week 1, $37.0 total

2. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Par) - $22.5, 4007 screens, week 2, $98.7 total

3. The Time Traveler's Wife (NL)- $19.2, 2988 screens, week 1, $19.2 total

4. Julie & Julia (Sony) - $12.4, 2354 screens, week 2, $43.6 total

5. G-Force (BV) $6.9, 3065 screens, week 4, $99.0 total

6. The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (ParV)- $5.3, 1838 screens, week 1, $5.3 total

7. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (WB) - $5.1, 2771 screens, week 5, $283.8 total

8. The Ugly Truth (Sony) - $4.5, 2733 screens, week 4, $77.5 total

9. Ponyo (BV)- $3.5, 927 screens, week 1, $3.5 total

10. (500) Days of Summer (FoxS)- $3.0, 1048 screens, week 5, $17.9 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means District 9 delivered the goods, and the masses believed! This almost makes up for Transformers making almost $400 million dollars! Backed by supremely positive word of mouth and a killer marketing campaign, District 9 recouped its budget in one weekend and entertained many in spite of its R-rating and no known actors. Good stories, that's all it takes, people. (Aliens and Mech-fighting helps, too). Hopefully this will continue to rock faces off through the rest of the summer.

Eric Bana continues his summer of being everywhere with The Time Traveler's Wife, bringing it in for a nice amount. The more serious, adult/date crowd probably opted for that over aliens and GI Joes. (Unless your significant other is really cool and wanted to see D-9). Still, a nice opening and it is sure to grow "legs" (as they say in the "biz") as the long August days stretch out into September.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard. I really want to add "Die Hard" after that, or just say "The Not-So-Goods", but I feel many others will do that, and I'm better than that.

Ponyo came out?!?! That's the new Miyazaki movie!!!! Why do they never promote his movies when they release them??!?! Anyway, it opened to a small amount, but that's still pretty good for Miyazaki.

Just below the top ten is Bandslam, which opened up on 2121 screens, and took in $2.2 million, I'm guessing a significant portion of which came from those wanting to see the new Twilight trailer that's attached to the movie. BANDSLAMMED!

Below the radar, Ashton Kutcher sadly tried to get his over 3 million Twitter followers (Nit-twits?) to see his movie Spread, which opened up on 91 screens. They didn't really respond, as the film took in $117,000. Dude, where is my car, indeed. Also opening up is It Might Get Loud, where Jimmy Page, The Edge and Jack White jam on guitars for 2 hours. On 7 screens, it took in $101,000.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, the Basterds come.

Until next weekend.......

DISTRICT 9 WILL MELT YOUR FACE OFF!

That is to say, I really rather enjoyed it. And I think you will, too. Especially if you like movies.

I'm a Basterd!

And I went and saw Inglorious Basterds, and now I get bragging rights for 2 weeks that I got to see it! Feel free to read my incredibly enthusiastic review.

And why not check out my rather UN-enthusiastic review of Grace, a dead baby comes back from the dead movie that's not very good at all. And it's all because of one man: Kuato.

Box Office Report: Knowing is Half the Battle

Dude here again. Another weekend, another large amount of money headed to the studios so they can continue to put out more movies based on toys. This just ensures that next summer, we're going to have Megan Fox in a kick ass version of Strawberry Shortcake! Directed by Michael Bay, Odin willing!

Who am I kidding, they'll get McG.

This weekend, more toys blow stuff up and rob a lot of hard working people of their money! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Par) - $56.2, 4007 screens, week 1, $56.2 total

2. Julie & Julia (Sony) - $20.1, 2354 screens, week 1, $20.1 total

3. G-Force (BV) $9.8, 3482 screens, week 3, $86.1 total

4. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (WB) - $8.8, 3455 screens, week 4, $273.8 total

5. Funny People (Uni) - $7.8, 3008 screens, week 2, $40.4 total

6. The Ugly Truth (Sony) - $7.0, 2975 screens, week 3, $69.0 total

7. A Perfect Getaway (Uni)- $5.7, 2159 screens, week 1, $5.7 total

8. Aliens in the Attic (Fox)- $4.0, 3108 screens, week 2, $16.2 total

9. Orphan (WB)- $3.73, 2270 screens, week 3, $34.8 total

10. (500) Days of Summer (FoxS)- $3.72, 817 screens, week 4, $12.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that G.I. Joe defied all expectations and actually took in a boatload of money. Not screening the film for critics may have helped, as Paramount had planned, but the audiences didn't seem to unanimously hate this movie and feel it was an obligation to see it (like the robot one). But I have a feeling we'll have to wait for next weekend's numbers to see if we get a sequel in 2 years.

Julie & Julia opened up in a nice bit of counter programming, and took in $20 million. Impressive and profitable for those that made it, but I'm waiting for the sequel to this one, Julie & Julia 2: Julie & Julia-er! It involves Julia Child coming back from the dead and chastising Julie for screwing up her recipes. (Mostly I just want to see Meryl Streep do wire-fu and kick some arse).

A Perfect Getaway provided a wonderful escape for those who wanted to getaway to empty theaters. I'll catch it on video in 3 months like the rest of you.

(500) Days of Summer, the annoyingly type-set indie romance finally cracked the top ten, and thus top ten stalwart of the past 9 weeks The Hangover has gone. A moment of reflection, if you don't mind.

Below the radar, the other hipster-indie-cred movie you have to see to join their ranks, Paper Heart, opened up on 38 screens, and took in $206,000. Impressive, but the joes still had a higher per screen average, which is disturbing. Also opening this weekend is Cold Souls, about Paul Giamatti's soul, which opened up on 7 screens and took in $63,000. Lots of interesting counter programming under the radar this summer, and it's provided some great flicks worthy of checking out.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, District 9 comes to melt our collective faces off.

Until next weekend.......

Kicking Ass on a Saturday Afternoon

With Ong Bak 2, due this October!



And Raging Phoenix, which looks like a live action Tekken, but BETTER!



Put that in your pipe and kick its ass.

Weekend Wrap up!

Lost of fun things for you. First, there's this:


Thanks to Brady for that one.

Next, my friend Tamara really wants to be on that show Mad Men, so she sent me this link. Do her a solid and vote for her, you can vote until the 12th.

I have a new review of Cold Souls for you to check out. And there's a GI Joe one up too. And I will have a Grace review up by the end of the day.

I kindly thank you for helping to "Share the load"

New Zombieland Red Band Trailer

It's settled. Of the movies coming out later this year, I want to see this more than Ninja Assassin, The Road, The Book of Eli, and Avatar. All look awesome, though.



Gotta love any Van Halen in a movie trailer. And knowing that it's in the movie (at least they make me think it is) pushes this up to the top of the list.

UPDATE: It's a little smooshed, I apologize. But it still works. Just enter your birthday (or any arbitrary date from before 18 years ago) into the obscenely tiny boxes and enjoy.

Now I really wanna see GI Joe!

The "REAL" funny people

Open Mic Night at Jabba's Chuckle Hut is a real bitch.

Star Wars Stand Up Comic - watch more funny videos

Ten Sequels. (Well, 14, actually)

Wrote another piece for Moviesonline about ten sequels we need. Later this week I'll have one about movies that SHOULD be remade/reimagined/rebooted. Naturally, I'll link to that as well. I ask you to kindly check it out. Thanks!

Took a small break there.

Took a nice journey to San Francisco. It was glorious, and I completely understand why everyone raves about the place. It was nice to get away for a few days. And to see some actual weather. (I actually wore slacks again! First time since Funemployment began when I didn't wear shorts!)


PLUS I got to see those things outside the city that George Lucas saw and immediately thought "I need to make those into walking tanks" and thus birthed the AT-AT!

Good times.

I have a Funny People review, and a Thirst review, if you wanna check them out.


I'm wondering if I can put forth a reader feedback moment, from my dozen of loyal followers out there. Specifically regarding those Twilight and Harry Potter pieces. Were they good? Did you like them? And do you have any suggestions for future articles like those? Please feel free to leave comments in the section below, or because most of you know me anyway, shoot me an email if you have any ideas. I'm always willing to take them and profit from them as much as I can.

Oh, and Happy Belated Birthday to R. Bill Mountain, who will always be the Peace to my One Man Army's War.


Don't forget to check out THE STORM this evening. I cut a few of the scenes in tonight's installment. Pay close attention to the orange picking sequence. I cut that with fervor! (And temp scored it to Riddick, which is badass!) And why not check out the NY Times review? It's quite intellectually stimulating, as anything printed in the NY Times naturally is.

(Run Dawson Run!)

Box Office Report: Funny Edition

Dude here again. I took last week off, but this week I'm back with an even BETTER box office report! In all actuality, I had written a box office report, but it was just a piece that was marvelling over the sheer awesomeness of Orphan. And I may have given away the twist ending. Which is that it was al a dream, and the little girl was Keyser Soze.

And Bruce Willis was dead the whole time. (Spoiler)

This weekend, some funny people try to wrangle the top spot from talking rodents. And a whole slew of other movies opens up below the radar. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Funny People (Uni) - $23.4, 3008 screens, week 1, $23.4 total

2. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (WB) - $17.7, 4393 screens, week 3, $255.4 total

3. G-Force (BV) $17.0, 3697 screens, week 2, $66.4 total

4. The Ugly Truth (Sony) - $13.0, 2882 screens, week 2, $54.4 total

5. Aliens in the Attic (Fox)- $7.8, 3106 screens, week 1, $7.8 total

6. Orphan (WB)- $7.2, 2750 screens, week 2, $26.7 total

7. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (Fox)- $5.3, 2757 screens, week 5, $181.8 total

8. The Hangover (WB)- $5.0, 2071 screens, week 9, $255.7 total

9. The Proposal (BV) - $4.8, 2453 screens, week 7, $148.8 total

10. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (P/DW) - $4.6, 2626 screens, week 6, $388.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Funny People may have a reason to cry. (I am so ashamed of having written that). While taking the top spot, and much critical acclaim, funny People performed significantly less than the previous Apatow outings. Which is understandable, as Funny People is 2 and a half hours long and more dramatic (while still being hilarious) than typical Apatow/Sandler/Rogen fare. Not a good summer for Universal, whose films (Land of the Lost, Drag Me To Hell, Public Enemies, Bruno) have been underperforming all summer, regardless of quality.

Aliens in the Attic! Audiences in the Other Theaters!

I'm sort of amazed that The Hangover and The Proposal are still on this list. And I'm happy they made more money than the Transforming robots. Someday, I promise, I'l let go of my grudge on that movie. And that day will be when Megan Fox hand delivers me my refund in a leopard print bikini and an actual transforming Dodge Challenger that doesn't speak in jive.

Below the radar, The Collector opened up just behind the transforming robots, taking in $3.6 million. Adam opened on 4 screens and took in $66,300, a surf documentary called The Cove also opened on 4 screens and took in $55,500, while Thirst, Park Chan-wook's vampire film took in $55,200. And (500) Days of Summer continues it's perch at number 12, but it continually expands screens and grosses, making it one of the sleeper hits of the summer that you'll eventually wind up seeing, and some hipster d-bag will say "I saw it months ago".

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, another loud movie based on toys from my childhood! But don't forget to catch the exciting conclusion of The Storm this evening, on NBC! (Check your local listings). It's like the idiot love child of Crash and The Day After Tomorrow when they had sloppy drunken sex with a broken condom called Hard Rain!

Until next weekend.......