MacGruber, a Survival of the Dead AND a Mystery Team!
Not only that, but I was asked to conjure up a tale of why I would rather not sit through either Sex and the City 2 OR any other Twilight movie.
And because I like R. Bill Mountain so much, here's my thought pattern while watching Robin Hood!
Be less stupid. You're making Clash of the Titans seem coherent.
Why does every map on screen have to burn up? Bonanza was like fifty years ago.
WHOA! Cate Blanchett is on that battle field alongside Robin! HOLY SHIT!!! How liberal for a 40-something woman to take up arms in battle in the 13th century. Or something. HOLY SHIT!!!*
Remember when you saw Phantom Menace, and you were excited about the things could happen, and then the movie began and it was all about taxation and franchise routes? That's exactly what this Robin Hood is like.
It's a whole lot of who cares.
Why didn't they make the movie where Nottingham was sympathetic and Robin Hood was the douche? That would've been a better movie. Better than this nonsense.
(But the opening was really cool. And Russell Crowe is badass, if way too old.)
*TRUE STORY- Watching this in the theater with Dan, when that scene happened and Blanchett revealed herself, I had THE GREATEST silent look of faux-shock on my face that cracked Dan up for a good two minutes straight.
"He is not a man. He's the holy Half-Dead who has seen the UnderVerse. "