Box Office Report: Oscar Weekend Spectacular

Dude here again. Super-psyched that it's Academy Awards time. Being that I'm awesome, I'm going to give you my top Oscar picks. Here it is: Rambo for best everything that's not Best Supporting Actress, which goes to The Dreadnaught in Death Race, and Best Costume Design going to The Duchess. Those were some damn pretty costumes. And Best Animated Picture is obviously Space Chimps.

This weekend, another ridiculous amount of money is made by one release. But last week's number stumbles greatly. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail (LGF) - $41.1, 2032 screens, week 1, $41.1 total

2. Taken (Fox) - $11.4, 3102 screens, week 4, $95.1 total

3. Coraline (Focus)- $11.0, 2155 screens, week 3, $53.3 total

4. He's Just Not That Into You (NL) - $8.5, 3050 screens, week 3, $70.0 total

5. Slumdog Millionaire (FoxS) - $8.0, 2244 screens, week 15, $98.0 total

6. Friday the 13th (NL/Par) - $7.8, 3105 screens, week 2, $55.0 total

7. Confessions of a Shopaholic (BV)- $7.0, 2507 screens, week 2, $27.6 total

8. Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Sony)- $7.0, 2835 screens, week 6, $121.3 total

9. Fired Up (ScrGms) - $6.0, 1810 screens, week 1, $6.0 total

10. The International (Sony) $4.4, 2364 screens, week 2, $17.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Madea went to jail, and did a hell of a lot better than when that Ernest guy went to jail. Know what I mean, Vern? Madea Goes To Jail proved to be a huge hit for the Tyler Perry empire, which means that we can be sure of at least a decade's worth of Madea titles. Thanks a lot, world.

Ok, so as I'm writing this, the Duchess really did just win for best costumes. Skills like these, people, is why they pay me the big bucks.

Last week's number 1, Friday the 13th, dropped a whopping 80%. It's the 6th largest drop of its kind. Records all around this weekend. Still, Jason's got nothing to worry about, as the film has already made back it's budget three times over, which is still more money than I will ever see in my lifetime, unless my Mega Millions ticket from Friday paid off. (Note to self: check lotto numbers).

Fired Up- didn't quite bring it on. You see what I did there? Skills like these, people.

Wait a minute, Space Chimps wasn't even nominated?!?! Pardon my interweb lingo, but Double-you-tee-eff? The whole damn system is corrupt.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, Liam Neeson continues his reign of terror upon us all, and there honestly is nothing you can do about it. And only one week to Watchmen!!!

Until next weekend.......

Credit where credit is due

R. Bill Mountain noted in the previous article about the picture. The picture is indeed of a smiling Alan Moore holding a copy of the movie Watchmen, while putting his arm around Watchmen director Zach Snyder.

It is a photoshopped picture. Moore's rants against Hollywood and how it adapts his properties are so well known they're bordering on cliche. On the plus side, if he keeps it up, soon he'll cross the line and turn into self-parody. (My favorite option).

Anyway, the pic came from this wonderful Cracked.com article entitled "The 7 Stages Of Nerdgasm". It's definitely worth a good read, and is frighteningly accurate.

For what it's worth, I really can't wait to see this movie. I really hope it deserves multiple viewings. Because I'm going to see it a lot.

Box Office Report: Masked Man Kills Many, Takes Millions!!

Dude here again. The box office is jumping this weekend! Literally. No, that's not true. But it could be the truth, if it believed it could. Sometimes we just have to believe we can jump, and then before you know it, we've jumped further than we imagined we could. Sorry, I thought I was writing inspirational young adult fiction for a moment.

This weekend, Jason came to put a stop to this silly nonsense about men not being into you. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. tuesday really, if you want to include holiday numbers, but this is from Fri-Sun).

1. Friday the 13th (NL/Par) - $42.2, 3105 screens, week 1, $42.2 total

2. He's Just Not That Into You (NL) - $19.6, 3175 screens, week 2, $55.0 total

3. Taken (Fox) - $19.2, 3109 screens, week 3, $77.9 total

4. Confessions of a Shopaholic (BV)- $15.4, 2507 screens, week 1, $15.4 total

5. Coraline (Focus)- $15.2, 2320 screens, week 2, $35.5 total

6. Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Sony)- $11.7, 2965 screens, week 5, $110.5 total

7. The International (Sony) $10.0, 2364 screens, week 1, $10.0 total

8. The Pink Panther 2 (Sony) - $9.0, 3245 screens, week 2, $22.3 total

9. Slumdog Millionaire (FoxS) - $7.1, 1634 screens, week 14, $86.5 total

10. Push (Sum) - $7.1, 2313 screens, week 2, $19.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that people really wanted to see another Friday the 13th movie. In three days, this Michael Bay-produced remake made more than the original film in it's entire theatrical run. In the parthenon of films that feature Jason Vorhees, this one comes in second, after the epic battle between Jason and Freddy.

When it came to what people like to refer to as "Chick Flicks", audiences seemed to prefer the one where they're just not that into you over the Shopaholic. Fueled, no doubt, by our troubling economic times, audiences preferred to not watch a character amass insane debts.

And Liam Neeson's epic rage continues, with a tiny percentage drop from last week, and beating out tough guy Clive Owen's debut on The International. Most of the holdovers this weekend also seemed to hold steady after last week's numbers, just adding to the coffers of Blart. And Slumdog Millionaire contiues to win over audiences across the land!

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, steep declines in box office numbers are predicted as nothing huge opens. But hey, only two weeks to Watchmen!!!

Until next weekend.......

The way sports should be

Now that we live in the future, I must say I am uber-disappointed in our ability as a society to catch up to the technologies that movies told us we'd have. Sure, we may be at the brink of a dystopian society the likes of which we have never seen, but that doesn't mean we can't TRY to match these things right?

I'm not talking about flying cars, because normal people can't drive normal cars. If we had flying cars, while it certainly would solve some population control elements, it would not be, as the kids would say a good thing at all.

But dammit, I want the sports of the future! I want landmines in the football fields, and zero G race cars that drive on psychadelic rainbow roads! I want The Running Man, with their cadre of stalkers chasing criminals through satire!

And most importantly, I want FIREBALL!!!!

Just Oats

Box Office Report: not that into it.

Dude here again. Coming to you again on another dark and stormy night. Well, day. It doesn't really matter, though, does it.

This weekend, I'm just not that into doing the box office report. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. He's Just Not That Into You (NL) - $27.4, 3175 screens, week 1, $27.4 total

2. Taken (Fox) - $20.3, 3184 screens, week 2, $53.3 total

3. Coraline (Focus)- $16.3, 2299 screens, week 1, $16.3 total

4. The Pink Panther 2 (Sony) - $12.0, 3243 screens, week 1, $12.0 total

5. Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Sony)- $11.0, 3169 screens, week 4, $97.0 total

6. Push (Sum) - $10.2, 2313 screens, week 1, $10.2 total

7. Gran Torino (WB) $7.4, 2705 screens, week 9, $120.2 total

8. Slumdog Millionaire (FoxS) - $7.4, 1724 screens, week 13, $77.4 total

9. The Uninvited (Par/DW) - $6.4, 2344 screens, week 2, $18.3 total

10. Hotel For Dogs (Par/DW)- $5.8, 2734 screens, week 4, $55.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Sex and the City 2: Sex and the Citier, opened up a lot better than those annoying posters would have lead me to believe it would open up. I'm just not into this movie.

Coraline opened up in a nice third place, and will only be a matter of time before images start appearing on hoodies at Hot Topic. Pink Panther 2 opened up to a weak fourth place finish, a far cry from the baffling success of the first film that warranted this painful sequel. Circle of life, my friends.

Push- Audiences just aren't that into you either.

Kicking arse and taking names, though, is Liam Neeson with Taken, dropping a mere 17% from last week's opening. Impressive, but once you see how ridiculously awesome Liam Neeson is, you'd be afraid to not give your money to Taken as well.

Below the radar, Fanboys finally opened after two years of missed release dates. Sadly, it only opened up on 44 screens, and took in $164,000. There's a terrible pun to be made here about Fanboys, but I'm just not that into it. And not just because I fear the movie is a startling accurate portrayal of my life. Also opening is Chocolate, from the makers of Ong Bak, this one about an autistic girl who can remember martial arts moves from movies, who uses them to kick everybody in Thailand's ass. Alas, there is no information about the only movie that opened up this weekend that I wanted to see.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, a shopaholic confesses, and Jason Vorhees gets what looks like a ridiculously awesome reboot.

Until next weekend.......

Box Office Report: Salvation

Dude here again. Taking a moment away from the big soccer match to report the numbers back to you. Do I do it out of love? A sense of obligation? Schadenfreude?!? Stop, please. They're all right.

This weekend, I take comfort, a quantum of solace if you will, in knowing that the mall cop has been stopped. I breathe a sigh of relief, and believe for a brief moment the promise that was made when Obama took office: Change. Finally, a sense that aforementioned change is at hand. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Taken (Fox) - $24.6, 3183 screens, week 1, $24.6 total

2. Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Sony)- $14.0, 3206 screens, week 3, $83.3 total

3. The Uninvited (Par/DW) - $10.5, 2344 screens, week 1, $10.5 total

4. Hotel For Dogs (Par/DW)- $8.7, 3160 screens, week 3, $48.2 total

5. Gran Torino (WB) $8.6, 3015 screens, week 8, $110.5 total

6. Slumdog Millionaire (FoxS) - $7.6, 1633 screens, week 12, $67.2 total

7. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (ScrGms) - $7.2, 2942 screens, week 2, $32.7 total

8. New In Town (LGF)- $6.7, 1941 screens, week 1, $6.7 total

9. My Bloody Valentine 3-D (LGF) - $4.2, 1406 screens, week 3, $44.6 total

10. Inkheart (WB) - $3.7, 2655 screens, week 2, $12.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means you don't mess with Liam Neeson. (Unless you're Darth Maul). Taking a commanding opening as a father who will stop at nothing to get his daughter back, Liam Neeson kicked everybody's collective arse and took the top spot at the box office this weekend. It sounds like it should be a record, but alas, the record record for Stanley Cup Weekend still belongs to Hannah Montana Concert nonsense. It doesn't matter. Because you know that Liam Neeson will be silently waiting to dispense his own brand of justice. Watch your back, Chuck Norris.

Opening in third place is The Uninvited, the harrowing story of me and my friends' parties. Kidding of course (I have no friends), The Uninvited opens up a few weeks after The Unborn, which leads to a lot of confusing. (But a lot of happiness for the kids at the theater who have to change the marquee in colder climates). I have no idea what either movie is about, so I'm assuming they both involve scary images that don't add up to a coherent narrative.

New in Town! Nobody in theaters.

What's going on with Gran Torino? Clint Eastwood's most successful movie to date! I guess it's appealing to a lot of people who like watching movies about my old racist grandfather. (Although to be fair, Clint is a lot warmer in his racism).

Outlander, the viking vs alien movie that kinda sorta rocked my face off, made $8,100. A drop of 86% from last week. You're just not trying, people. I drove to Mexico to go see it. That's how dedicated I am to the cause of movies featuring aliens and vikings. Throw in a robot, and I will not know of any reason to ever make another movie ever again.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, He's Just Not That Into You and Pink Panther 2 come to assault me with terrible taste and emasculation prowess! At least I know Liam Neeson will be standing guard. Just waiting...

Until next weekend.......