Flamethrower Vs Fire Extinguisher

There may come a day when I finally figure out how to appropriately format these videos to fit my blog space.And on that day, those obnoxious spammers will stop leaving links to porn site in the comments.

Until that day comes, though, enjoy this awesome video that looks like what would happen if Napoleon Dynamite aged ten years and developed a drinking problem and brought a flame thrower to a fight with Brad Dourif.

Enjoy!

Dancing Pigeons - Ritalin from Blink on Vimeo.

(Hey how about that, it actually fits!)

Box Office Report: SALT LICKED!

I was on vacation last week, and I really regret not writing that headline in the box office report I didn't write.

More Inception stuff.

It makes more sense if you've seen the flick, but I found this neat little piece about Inception, which people seem to like.



Not quite sure I want to see it again, for fear I'll find more flaws, but I'm willing to give Nolan the benefit of the doubt.

Yeah, Inception is pretty cool

I liked it quite a bit. Even if I did have to pee worse than when I saw Star Trek.

Oh, and Predators rocked as well. It's all about the Brody!

Box Office Report: Christ (opherNolan) Saves

Dude here again. I'm starting to question my status as The Dude. There are several other dudes out there, far more dude-like than I, and I'm thinking maybe perhaps my time as The Dude is up. Maybe it's time to move on and find a new name.

Or maybe I just need to drink more cough syrup in the mornings. Less?

This weekend, the alleged savior of of summer films hath arrived. did it meet expectations? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Inception (WB)- $60.4, 3792 screens, week 1, $60.4 total

2. Despicable Me (Uni)- $32.7, 3501 screens, week 2, $118.3 total

3. The Sorcerer's Apprentice (BV)- $17.3, 3504 screens, week 1, $24.4 total (Wed Open)

4. Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Sum) - $13.5, 4001 screens, week 3, $264.9 total

5. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $11.7, 3177 screens, week 5, $362.7 total

6. Grown Ups (Sony) - $10.0, 3074 screens, week 4, $129.2 total

7. The Last Airbender (Par) $7.4, 2805 screens, week 3, $114.8 total

8. Predators (Fox) - $6.8, 2669 screens, week 2, $40.0 total

9. Knight & Day (Fox)- $3.7, 1925 screens, week 4, $69.2 total

10. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $2.2, 1532 screens, week 6, $169.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that everybody who thought Christopher Nolan's Inception would be movie that turned things right at the box office, and maybe cleaned up all that oil in the gulf while it was at it, could be right. An impressive $60 million take for an unproven idea that allegedly takes some thinking to enjoy, is nice. Next week, however, will show if it has the legs to become something legendary, or just something to pass the time.

Nicolas Cage tries to pay back a portion of his debt with another family friendly Disney flick, but comes a little short of the National Treasure numbers. I just hope the man gives another batshit crazy Nic Cage performance in it. Because that's all I want from movies anymore.

Toy Story 3 has gone to become the highest grossing flick of the year thus far. Twilight 3, not as much. Grown Ups, what the hell is going on there? I forgot that movie exists. Blah blah.

Fun Fact: in last week's column, I ignorantly dismissed the "badassitude" of Adrien Brody in Predators. Having now seen the film, I can attest, dude rocks the shit out of this movie.

Below the radar, there's something called Standing Ovation. It was released on 623 screens and took in $361,000. I can't find any other information on this movie, so I'm choosing to believe it is a religious picture, the kind that come out of nowhere and make more money than Jonah Hex. (5 weeks later, not even playing, but I'm keeping the Hex love alive, people)

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we get to shake on some Salt! And Ramona and Beezus, too!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

This says it all

Box Office Report: Despicable edition

Dude here again. You know, I get knocked down. But I get up again. You ain't ever gonna keep me down. I drink a whiskey drink, I drink a vodka drink. I drink a cider drink, and I drink a lager drink. I sing a song that reminds me of the bad times.

I sing a song that reminds me of the better times.

This weekend, mysterious advertising techniques propels animated glee to the top of the pack, while the most boring love triangle in cinematic history continues to suck money out of pockets. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Despicable Me (Uni)- $60.1, 3476 screens, week 1, $60.1 total

2. Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Sum) - $33.4, 4468 screens, week 2, $237.0 total

3. Predators (Fox) - $25.3, 2669 screens, week 1, $25.3 total

4. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $22.0, 3753 screens, week 4, $340.2 total

5. The Last Airbender (Par) $17.1, 3203 screens, week 2, $100.2 total

6. Grown Ups (Sony) - $16.4, 3463 screens, week 3, $111.3 total

7. Knight & Day (Fox)- $7.8, 2628 screens, week 3, $61.9 total

8. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $5.7, 2458 screens, week 5, $164.6 total

9. The A-Team (Fox)- $1.8, 1236 screens, week 5, $73.9 total

10. Cyrus (FoxS)- $1.3, 200 screens, week 4, $3.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that almost any animated movie that's released in 3-D will do well, even with inexplicable advertising. Seriously, until I read a review this week, I had no idea what the hell the movie was about. There are weird little yellow guys, a preview where the guy hijacks a pyramid… all stuff out of my drunken nightmares. Anyway, it did very well, as the good reviews probably didn't hurt.

Fox finally answered my letters and gave us another Predator movie, this time replacing the strong Arnold Schwarzenegger or the stoic Danny Glover with Adrien Brody and the guy from That 70s Show. (Though, truth be told Trejo and Walt Goggons from The Shield and Justified are also in it, so that makes up for the badassitude). Anyway, it did A-Team and Knight & Day numbers, but will most likely turn out to be one of the more profitable flicks Fox has this summer. (Sorry A-Team and Knight and Day).

Twilight continues its train of mediocrity while crossing the $200 million mark. You know, that's the one thing I don't like about the Twihards is how quickly they stop seeing the movie in theaters. Sure, they bombarded the multiplexes last week, but this week there are tame numbers. You're not trying, people.

Fun Fact: The "Grease Sing-A-Long" Version was released this week, and blame for that falls squarely on Glee. At least it wasn't in 3-D.

Below the radar, The Girl Who Played With Fire, the sequel to the the hit Girl With The Dragon Tattoo that opened up a few months ago (and will be remade in English in the near future because I hate subtitles) opened up on 85 screens to take in $965,000. Also, The Kids Are Alright, which seems to be the second best reviewed movie of the year (After the dead heat unity between Toy Story 3 and MacGruber) opened on 7 screens and took in $505,000, with a $72,000 per screen average which is the highest of all this week.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Inception is finally released in an attempt to satisfy those of us who have been hyping it up as the greatest movie this summer can offer. Plus, a Nic Cage movie that features him with ridiculous hair.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Winning Video Games

Here's what video games would look like if they were SUPER easy. 

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

(Thanks to Geekologie for pointing this out)

It's... Arrested Development

This is no mere illusion.

What's that? You're clamoring to see the world from a Turtle's Point of View?!?

Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: Don't pander to me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. Solar flare might crop up, cook us in our seats. And wait till you're sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles, see if you're so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence.

What's that? You need to see a picture of Bill Pullman from Lost Highway?

"No, no, no, no, no. After me."

Karl Urban as Munder, in the hit motion picture Ghost Ship

Box Office Report: Vampires V Werewolves, but not nearly as cool as it sounds. Again.

Dude here again. Doing what President Bill Pullman told us to do fourteen years ago when the world united to stop our alien oppressors., then murdered my wife in one reality while in another Robert Loggia beats up a dude for tailgating and… That's not the right movie is it?

Sorry, I'm thinking of Spaceballs.

This weekend, Twihards come out to show nerds how it's done! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Sum) - $69.8, 4468 screens, week 1, $161.0 total (Wed Open)

2. The Last Airbender (Par) $40.6, 3169 screens, week 1, $57.0 total (Thurs Open)

3. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $30.1, 4028 screens, week 3, $289.0 total

4. Grown Ups (Sony) - $18.5, 3534 screens, week 2, $77.0 total

5. Knight & Day (Fox)- $10.2, 3104 screens, week 2, $45.5 total

6. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $8.0, 3109 screens, week 4, $151.5 total

7. The A-Team (Fox)- $3.0, 2153 screens, week 4, $69.1 total

8. Get Him To The Greek (Uni)- $1.1, 884 screens, week 5, $57.4 total

9. Shrek Forever After (Par/DW) - $0.79, 957 screens, week 7, $232.1 total

10. Cyrus (FoxS)- $0.77, 77 screens, week 3, $1.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that loud sigh of disappointment you heard around the world was me. With maybe my friend Larry thrown in there a bit, too.

Kudos to The Last Airbender, which suffered the slings and arrows of fanboy outrage at casting choices, an allegedly horrendous 3-D conversion, and the worst reviews this side of Sex and the City 2, to take in an impressive $50 plus million in four days. M. Night Shyamalan still has something.

Other wise, everything is about normal. Toy Story continues doing what it does best. As does Adam Sandler. Knight and Day isn't too impressive, but to continue my Killers analogy from last week, they are mere dollars apart in total gross right now. Isn't it Alanis ironic? Dontcha think?

Nice to see Cyrus in the top ten as it expands. Once again, go see this flick, I can't say enough good things about it. It's funny, it's poignant, it's real, and it's satisfying. That's all you want out of a movie these days.

Fun Fact: I can't find a movie theater that's playing Jonah Hex anymore.

Below the radar, Love Ranch, which strs Academy Award WinnerS Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci as a husband/wife team who run a brothel in Nevada (when is Hollywood gonna stop making trite formula films like this?) opened on 11 screens and took in $63,000.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we finally can figure out what Despicable Me is supposed to be, but who really cares because fuckin' PREDATORS comes out!!!!!!!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)