Box Office Report: Calm before the storm

Dude here again. Only one more week left until I get to start all the hyperbole-laden and record shattering weekend box office grosses. I can't even begin to convey how excited I am. Rest assured, it involves involuntary releases of bodily fluids. But out of sheer joy and excitement. And not at all due to a "drinking problem." (I don't understand what the big deal is, it's not even a "problem"!)

This weekend, comedies ruled the roost, with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler squeaking into the top spot over Harold and Kumar and a certain other lady that someone is trying to forget. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Baby Mama (Uni) - $18.2, 2543 screens, week 1, $18.2 total

2. Harold and Kumar... (NL)- $14.5, 2510 screens, week 1, $14.5 total

3. The Forbidden Kingdom (LGF) - $11.2, 3151 screens, week 2, $38.2 total

4. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Uni) - $11.0, 2799 screens, week 2, $35.0 total

5. Nim's Island (Fox) - $4.5, 2977 screens, week 4, $38.9 total

6. Prom Night (ScrGms) - $4.4, 2821 screens, week 3, $38.1 total

7. 21 (Sony)- $4.0, 2952 screens, week 5, $75.7 total

8. 88 Minutes (Sony) - $3.6, 2168 screens, week 2, $12.6 total

9. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $2.4, 2159 screens, week 7, $147.8 total

10. Deception (Fox) - $2.2, 2001 screens, week 1, $2.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that of all the things that are making people laugh, Tina Fey rules them all. Attracting more folks with a PG-13 rating (as well as female skewing subject matter) Baby Mama easily surpassed the R-rated pothead antics of Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. But it's pretty clear that the audiences felt like having some laughs this weekend, before the onslaught begins.

(I have to point out that Harold and Kumar did come awfully close to surpassing the original's entire box office run. Very interesting, and considering how low the costs are for these films, plus the huge profit they make on video because potheads don't realize the movie actually came out in theaters, it's possible a third Harold and Kumar could be winding around the mountain.)

A movie with Obi Wan and Wolverine called Deception came out. It didn't too well. The holdovers are fading fast, but it's worth noting 21 keeps adding screens, despite being out for 6 weeks already.

Below the top ten, a Burt Reynolds movie called Deal opened up. Anytime Burt Reynolds is in a movie that opens up, it's worth noting. It made $31,000 on 50 screens. Yeah Burt! I'm gonna watch Smokey and the Bandit in celebration! (You should, too).

And in the "Because It's There" series: The Bank Job took in $183,000 on 239, bringing its grand total to $29,570,000 in 8 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, Ironman! Plus, extra added bonus, Son of Rambow!

Until next weekend....

Box Office Report: Hitler's Birthday Weekend

Dude here again. The weeks are just flying by, as we're towards the end of April, a mere two weeks away from big noisy, stupid summer movies. And I can't wait. However, we still have two more weeks, and I'll be damned if I'm not gonna report those two weeks with gusto and energy and absolutely no slacking whatsoever. No matter what!

This weekend, Jackie Chan and Jet Li walk into a bar and... (fill in pun about making a lot of money that I'm too lazy to make here). Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. The Forbidden Kingdom (LGF) - $20.8, 3151 screens, week 1, $20.8 total

2. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Uni) - $17.3, 2798 screens, week 1, $17.3 total

3. Prom Night (ScrGms) - $9.1, 2700 screens, week 2, $32.5 total

4. 88 Minutes (Sony) - $6.8, 2168 screens, week 1, $6.8 total

5. Nim's Island (Fox) - $5.6, 3277 screens, week 3, $32.8 total

6. 21 (Sony)- $5.5, 2903 screens, week 4, $69.9 total

7. Street Kings (FoxS) - $4.0, 2469 screens, week 2, $19.8 total

8. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $3.5, 2670 screens, week 6, $144.4 total

9. Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed (RM) - $3.1, 1052 screens, week 1, $3.1 total

10. Leatherheads (Uni)- $3.0, 2798 screens, week 3, $26.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, what do YOU think they mean? Ask yourselves what Forbidden Kingdom grossing $20 million means to you. And how about the nice showing of Sarah Marshall? The Apatow brand name isn't dead yet, wouldn't you agree? And what about 88 Minutes, an Al Pacino movie that's been released in Europe over a year ago. It was released, and looking at the chart, you can see what the numbers mean.

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, a documentary on Creationism opened in 9th place. How does that make you feel? Inside, I mean? How about the declining performances of the other films in the top ten? Does that make you feel sad, that they weren't given a proper chance to succeed? Or joy, at their failures? Or complete and utter indifference? Please tell me.

Below the top ten, perhaps a few films. opened up that made some money. Perhaps not.

And in the "Because It's There" series: Last week The Bucket List took in $353,000 on 390, bringing its grand total to $92,171,000 in 16 weeks. The Bucket List. Think about that one.

There you have my complete, thorough, award winning box office break down of the greatest journalistic integrity, chock full of hours of hard work. Next week, another movie opens. And it continues.

Until next weekend....

People with too much free time

Free time that I want to have, so as to accomplish this myself. Only with different themes. Probably Star Wars.

Because I'm a dork like that.

Box Office Report: Tax Weekend!

Dude here again. For those readers in the states, I'd like to take this moment to remind you that you have two days to finish your taxes. Let me tell you something, if you don't pay those, they come after you. And not all nice, they come at you like you're Wesley Snipes. It's unpleasant and costly, so as a public service reminder, make sure you get those done and postmarked in time. Otherwise, you'll pay amounts of money comparable to this weekend's top movie! (Like that segue?)

This weekend, a large number of movies opens up, and the most insulting one of the bunch takes the number one perch. I almost miss 21 as the number one movie. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Prom Night (ScrGms) - $22.7, 2700 screens, week 1, $22.7 total

2. Street Kings (FoxS) - $12.0, 2467 screens, week 1, $12.0 total

3. 21 (Sony)- $11.0, 2736 screens, week 3, $62.2 total

4. Nim's Island (Fox) - $9.0, 3518 screens, week 2, $25.2 total

5. Leatherheads (Uni)- $6.2, 2771 screens, week 2, $21.9 total

6. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $6.0, 3209 screens, week 5, $139.6 total

7. Smart People (Mira) - $4.2, 1106 screens, week 1, $4.2 total

8. The Ruins (P/DW) - $3.2, 2814 screens, week 2, $13.4 total

9. Superhero Movie (Wein/MGM) - $3.1, 2526 screens, week 3, $21.2 total

10. Drillbit Taylor (Par) - $2.0, 2205 screens, week 4, $28.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means Prom Night is the number one motion picture. Prom Night. A watered down remake of Prom Night made $22 million. In three days. Prom Night. Think about what you've done.

Street Kings, Keanu Reeve's contribution to corrupt cop cinema took in a respectable amount, around $3 million per facial expression. (I keed, Ted, I thought you rocked in the flick). And Smart People proved that audiences don't like to watch smart people unless they're a gentrified group of young geniuses taking down a casino.

21 continues it's impressive staying power, Leatherheads continues to disappoint (despite that winning smile from multi-hypenate George Clooney) and Nim's Island proves that Gerard Butler is fine, but he really does need to continue yelling every line possible. The Ruins seems to not be scaring anyone, I'm guessing due to the R-rating because I refuse to believe that horror fans would choose a remake of Prom Night over this vine infested creeper. Prom Night? Really?

Below the top ten, two films in limited release had better per screen averages than that Prom Night movie I seem to be deriding. The Visitor, the latest from The Station Agent director Thomas McCarthy played on 4 screens and took in $88,000. And Young@Heart, a heartwarming documentary about old people singing, also played on 4 screens and took in $52,300. Impressive bows, and outstanding reviews, should boost the profiles of these films.

And in the "Because It's There" series: The Bucket List took in $353,000 on 390, bringing its grand total to $92,171,000 in 16 weeks. The Bucket List. Think about that one.

There you have my break down. Next week, the latest from the Apatow cannon, Al Pacino runs for his life for an hour and half (almost), and the long awaited showdown between Jackie Chan and Jet Li, which will probably disappoint me.

Until next weekend....
fhha

April Showers Bring April Tweeners.

I've been really busy lately, and not writing about the films I've seen lately. I can give you a brief rundown of the few I've seen recently, that I haven't posted reviews for. (Son of Rambow, though, I felt the need to publish the whole thing, because I loved it so much).

Doomsday - Such an awesome film, for being a complete piece of crap. It's literally Escape From New York crossed with Road Warrior (with a dash of Thunderdome), a touch of 28 Days Later, and a little bit of Excalibur. With a hot accented chick in tight clothing who kicks ass. The movie's a loving mess and homage to awesome movies of our youth that never quite gels together enough to rise above homage and becoming a film worthy of the ranks of its pieces. Still very worth checking out, as you'll note the badass pictures of it I've peppered throughout the article. (7/10)

The Hammer - Adam Corrola as a slacker who turns 40, who suddenly finds some meaning in life as he tries for an Olympic qualifier in boxing. It's got a lot of heart and good humor, and Corrola is winning as all hell. This one's in limited release, but if you get a chance to see it, it's worthy of your time. It's not an Apatow, lose your intestines laugh fest, but it keeps you smiling all through, and doesn't pull it's punches. (I'm so angry at myself for that pun). (7/10)

Run Fat Boy Run - You all know I made Simon Pegg laugh once, right? That was a good day. Sadly, I wish I could say that he once again returned the favor. there are a few moments in this flick where he makes you smile, but honestly, without Pegg, this movie would probably be unbearable. There are a few funny moments, and Pegg has a brilliant and believable scene with his son, but the script hits so many familiar beats and embraces them, when it should be turning them on their side. A major disappointment. (5/10 - extra point given for Pegg)

21 - I finally saw this movie. And it's not terrible. But it's also not really that good. At leat, to me, because the crowd I wound up seeing this with flipped their lids for it. I sat baffled. I understand the appeal of "nerds" beating the system and making tons of money in Vegas by counting cards, but I have a feeling the History Channel "true story" of the events would be more worthy of my time, and not nearly as formulaic. Like Fat Boy, too many familiar beats are hit to the point where it feels the characters are doing their actions solely because the script requires it. Again, not a terrible film, but far from a great one. (5/10)

That's all I got. Maybe I'll check out Leatherheads later today. And I still need to check out The Bank Job, which is allegedly one of the better heist movies to come around in a long time. (I also heard In Bruges is brilliantly hilarious, but again, haven't had much time).

Oh, I also dug Street Kings, which you can check out the review of here.

Fun fact: before viewing Street Kings, I wound up speaking with Peter Rice, president of Fox Searchlight Pictures. (I think, it might have been Fox Pictures in general, but he was giving out free beer and liked my shirt, so I wasn't paying attention). Anyway, he asks me "What's been good this year?" and I had a long moment of silence. And I looked him in the eye, with absolutely no irony, and told him Rambo was the best movie I saw this year. (Strangely enough, this was before Son of Rambow, which is my favorite movie of the year thus far).

Fun Fact 2: Also at the Street Kings presentation was Keanu Reeves. Two days previous to that, I met Alex Winter. Meaning that last week, I met both Bill AND Ted! I rule.

Son of Rambow! Finally, I really like a movie!

Son of Rambow is such a wonderful motion picture, I wanted to give it a great big hug after it was over. It's heartwarming without any treacle, it's hilarious without resorting to cheap gags, and it's genuine. Son of Rambow will quickly become a favorite movie of any dork (like myself) who dreamed big as a kid and used movie making as an outlet.

Will Proudfoot (Bill Milner) is an adorable and sad young boy. His father had a stroke and passed away. His family belongs to a religion called The Plymouth Brethren, which forbids television, movies, and music of popular culture. Will has never seen a moving picture in his entire life, but he has a huge imagination and fills the pages of his text books with drawings to the point that you can't see the text anymore.

Fate intervenes when Will encounters Lee Carter (Will Poulter). Carter is the troubled kid in school, always in and out of the principal's office. Events bring these two unlikely kids together, with Carter taking advantage of Will's good nature. Carter lives in a retirement home (his mother is never around) and works for his brother bootlegging movies with his VHS camera. The latest film to come through town? First Blood. (It should be noted the film takes place in the early 80s).

Will sees First Blood and his mind is blown. He and Carter decide to join forces and make a film with the camera and resources they have. The film Will wants to make? Son of Rambow. (Will is unaware of the proper spelling of Rambo). The two form a friendship making the film, despite the growing consequences of WIll's new passion conflicting with the Brethren's beliefs, creating much tension between Will and his mother. (Jessica Stevenson, from Spaced!)

Eventually, other kids from the school come on board to join these outcasts, most notably the French exchange student that all the other kids think is the coolest. (He wants to be a movie star, and even has prop guns). Does this drive a rift between Will and Carter? You need to see the film and discover that for yourself.

What makes Son of Rambow so damn good is that even though it's filled with whimsy, it's British whimsy, which is always less insulting to your intelligence. Written and directed by Garth Jennings (he of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fame), Son of Rambow has some wonderfully fanciful moments and manages to keep it strictly grounded. The problems of Carter and Will are very real, which only makes the accomplishment of their filmmaking that more important.

It's interesting to note the similarities between Son of Rambow and Be Kind Rewind. Both films center their stories on misfits and outsiders coming together to make a movie for a greater purpose. And both make tremendous use of the filmmakers' creative solutions in recreating scenes with the materials available to them. Where Rambow differs is that the joy stems from the minds of children, where the only limit is their own imaginations.

I heart this movie with a passion reserved for few things. It's the first great movie I've seen all year, and my favorite of all that I've seen. It's smart, sweet, funny, and above all made with love and affection for these characters. You want these boys to succeed, and to eventually make Son of Rambow 2. And I would be first in line to see it.

No Dice

This continues to make me laugh.

It's an SNL sketch from like, 4 or 5 years ago. And it makes me laugh too hard every time. It applies that wonderful comedic gag of going too far, where it not only stops being funny, but starts to be ridiculously hilarious again. See also, Sideshow Bob stepping on rakes. And the entire movie of Hot Rod. (That movie is pure hilarity).

Box Office Report: 21? Again? Really?

Dude here again. With another exciting, involving, thoroughly awesome reporting of the weekend box office numbers. You know you love it. And even if you don't, then what are you doing reading it? Exactly. Curiosity, and rumors of my awesomeness know no bounds.

This weekend, a slew of new movies opened up, but were unable to unseat last week's champ. This seriously boggles my mind, but a lot of things do that lately. Like button fly jeans. I mean, I understand the need to not have interlocking metal pieces that close to your junk, but still. Ummm.... Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. 21 (Sony)- $15.1, 2653 screens, week 2, $46.5 total

2. Leatherheads (Uni)- $13.4, 2769 screens, week 1, $13.4 total

3. Nim's Island (Fox) - $13.3, 3513 screens, week 1, $13.3 total

4. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $9.1, 3571 screens, week 4, $131.0 total

5. The Ruins (P/DW) - $7.8, 2812 screens, week 1, $7.8 total

6. Superhero Movie (Wein/MGM) - $5.4, 2965 screens, week 2, $16.8 total

7. Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns (LGF) - $3.5, 1554 screens, week 3, $37.7 total

8. Drillbit Taylor (Par) - $3.4, 2707 screens, week 3, $25.5 total

9. Shutter (Fox) - $2.8, 2125 screens, week 3, $23.1 total

10. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $2.7, 2335 screens, week 5, $89.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that in addition to gambling puns, there will be a lot of "fumble" puns in people's box office summaries. 21 inexplicably continues to capture the hearts and minds of the people, while Clooney's Leatherheads underperformed. And Nim's Island, which features Gerard Butler not screaming his lines (and wearing pants) is right at the heels of LEatherheads, and could very well wind up being second place. Regardless, it will still be hailed as "The #1 Family Film" in ads next week. Mark my words.

No puns abound for The Ruins, which took in low numbers for a horror movie. However, it was rated R, and involved killer plants, which some might perceive as silly. The trailers creeped me out, though. Just sayin.

Below the top ten, Shine a Light, the Rolling Stones concert film directed by Martin Scorsese took in around $1.5 million on 276 screens. I'm not sure if those screens include IMAX numbers. Still, the prospect of a 7-story Keith Richards freaks me out more than the vines in the ruins. Spooky. His jowl is as big as me. Also opening was My Blueberry Nights, the English-language debut of acclaimed filmmaker Wong Kar Wai opened up on 6 screens and took in $73,000.

And in the "Because It's There" series: Doomsday took in $119,000 on 184, bringing its grand total to $10,954,000 in 4 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, more movies will open, and some will make more money than others.

Until next weekend....

Just a shrimp running on a treadmill while the Benny Hill theme plays.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Box Office Report: 21? Really?

Dude here again. On yet another Sunday. Dreading the prospect of what the week holds in store. Sunday's are vaguely depressing. Luckily, there's always the box office numbers to cheer me up! Let's turn those blues into... greens? No that's stupid.

This weekend, a newcomer knocks down the elephant, and another Irag movie fails to garner interest. And yet another parody movie opened up. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. 21 (Sony)- $23.7, 2648 screens, week 1, $23.7 total

2. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $17.4, 3826 screens, week 3, $117.2 total

3. Superhero Movie (Wein/MGM) - $9.5, 2960 screens, week 1, $9.5 total

4. Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns (LGF) - $7.7, 2016 screens, week 2, $32.8 total

5. Drillbit Taylor (Par) - $5.8, 3061 screens, week 2, $20.5 total

6. Shutter (Fox) - $5.3, 2756 screens, week 2, $19.1 total

7. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $4.8, 3055 screens, week 4, $84.9 total

8. Stop-Loss (Par)- $4.5, 1291 screens, week 1, $4.5 total

9. College Road Trip (BV) - $3.5, 2270 screens, week 4, $38.3 total

10. The Bank Job (LGF) - $2.8, 1605 screens, week 4, $24.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that a bunch of kids trying to take down the system in Vegas attracted a lot more people than expected. Sadly more than $21 million, thus denying a wonderful sense of symmetry, but close enough. Gambling puns abound, 21 captured the top spot and no doubt has inspired countless morons to believe that they, too, can beat the system much like the characters "based on a true story!"

Superhero Movie opened up, a mere two months after Meet The Spartans. Apparently this one has fewer pop culture jokes, and makes unfunny jokes about super heroes. Anyway, it didn't do all that well, and not nearly as good as the aforementioned Spartans. Which is kind of sad, but maybe it means these films will take a breather for a little while.

Stop-Loss, Kimberly Pierce's portrait of the Iraq war, was not met well, despite having some spectacular reviews. It further feeds the fire on the argument that people don't want to see movies about the war. And Run Fat Boy Run, starring the lovable Simon Pegg (whom I made laugh once), opened up to about $2.3 million, the weakest of all the wide releases.

Below the top ten, a movie called Flawless and a movie called Priceless came out. They both roughly made the same amount of money (less than $200,000) but I found it funny that Flawless and Priceless are both kinda penniless. (ZING!)

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: There are no more Rambo numbers to report. Let's take a moment and think about what that means, and what Rambo has brought to all of our lives.

There you have my break down. Next week, a horror movie. And a movie that isn't a horror movie. And something else. But hey, only a month until we get to the big summer blockbuster season! Chock full 'o superheroes! It's gonna be rad!

Until next weekend....

Box Office Report: Jesus' Re-birthday Weekend

Dude here again. I'm currently camped outside Target, anxiously awaiting the clearance of Easter merchandise. The day after, they drop the price over 50%! Because nothing says good cheer like discount Peeps!

This weekend, is Tyler Perry in drag enough to combat Dr. Seuss? Almost. But not quite. But it could change by tomorrow for all I know. But it probably won't. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $25.1, 3961 screens, week 2, $86.4 total

2. Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns (LGF) - $20.0, 2006 screens, week 1, $20.0 total

3. Shutter (Fox) - $10.7, 2753 screens, week 1, $10.7 total

4. Drillbit Taylor (Par) - $10.2, 3056 screens, week 1, $10.2 total

5. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $8.6, 3454 screens, week 3, $76.1 total

6. Never Back Down (Sum)- $4.8, 2729 screens, week 2, $16.8 total

7. College Road Trip (BV) - $4.6, 2575 screens, week 3, $32.0 total

8. The Bank Job (LGF) - $4.1, 1613 screens, week 3, $19.4 total

9. Vantage Point (Sony)- $3.8, 2124 screens, week 5, $65.3 total

10. Under The Same Moon (Wein) - $2.6, 266 screens, week 1, $3.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that Horton once again reigns supreme. But hot on it's heels is yet another movie from the Tyler Perry factory. Once again eschewing critics' screenings, Perry (and Lionsgate) knows his audience will show up for his films. And to similar numbers. (The only one that hasn't done too well is the Daddy's Little Girls, and I think it may be due to the absence of Madea, Perry's "Funnier than Norbit" cross dressing character. Anyway, it made money, and all is well with the world.

Three other movies also opened up wide this week. Shutter, yet another American remake of a Japanese horror film, this one with the luxury of actually casting a former member from Dawson's Creek (instead of my usual Dawson-esque description to describe the cast). That was neck and neck with Drillbit Taylor, the latest from the Apatow factory. Due to the less than happy (but not Walk Hard bad) numbers, expect the 20 comedies to follow to downplay the "From the makers of Superbad" declaration in the ads.

And something called Under The Same Moon opened up really well for 266 screens, and being in Spanish. Although, Perry's film has the highest average in the top ten this weekend.

Let's give it up for The Bank Job, which continues to have the lowest drop from weekend to weekend. In a just world, this movie will continue to pull in $4 million every weekend until the next Statham movie rolls around. Sadly, the world inside my head is far different from the one I exist in. And I weep silently in the alley. And drink.

Below the top ten, ummm.... I can't really see any smaller release that opened. Thus making this paragraph rather useless. Sure, I could just delete the words, but I've already gone through the trouble of writing them, and by this point, it's far too late for you to stop reading it.

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $57,000 on 136 screens, bringing it's grand total to $42,726,000 in 9 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, more films open up that I can ridicule without seeing. And they will make money. Or not. The decision is literally up to you.

Until next weekend....

Happy St. Drinkin's Day

Yeah, this is the picture from last year. So what?

Box Office Report: The Day Before St. Patrick's Day

Dude here again. Gearing up for a hard day of celebrating the wonderful St. Patrick, the patron saint of Guiness. It's been an intense year of training, but I think I'm finally ready to handle my share of Irish Car bombs tomorrow! Should there be no box office report next week, it will be due to me losing out to the drink. Will it be worth it? Only time will tell.

This weekend, they finally get a Dr. Seuss adaptation correct. And it makes a truckload of money! Plus, some other surprises! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Horton Hears a Who! (Fox) - $45.1, 3954 screens, week 1, $45.1 total

2. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $16.4, 3410 screens, week 2, $61.2 total

3. Never Back Down (Sum)- $8.6, 2729 screens, week 1, $8.6 total

4. College Road Trip (BV) - $7.8, 2706 screens, week 2, $24.2 total

5. Vantage Point (Sony)- $5.4, 2761 screens, week 4, $59.2 total

6. The Bank Job (LGF) - $4.9, 1613 screens, week 2, $13.1 total

7. Doomsday (Rogue) - $4.7, 1936 screens, week 1, $4.7 total

8. Semi-Pro (NL) - $3.0, 2270 screens, week 3, $29.8 total

9. The Other Boleyn Girl (Sony) - $2.9, 1212 screens, week 3, $19.1 total

10. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Par) - $2.3, 2407 screens, week 5, $65.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that people with far too much time on their hands will come up with little rhyming headlines based on Horton making lots of money. I will spare you all that. not because I'm lazy, but because I respect you. Anyway, Horton made a lot of money. It will probably continue to make lots of money, as the kids love the Dr. Seuss these days. Right?

Somehow, Never Back Down took third place. Seriously. I can't make this up. What hurts most about this is that Doomsday, which is actually a damn decent and fun flick, only took in about half of that of that. (A little more, really, but still). What is Never Back Down? And why is Doomsday getting such a bad reputation? It rules! And nobody's seeing it!

And audiences continue to recognize the brilliance of Roland Emmerich's 10,000 B.C.! That brings a smile to my face.

Below the top ten, the polarizing Funny Games opened up on 289 screens, and took in $520,000. Not bad, for what is essentially a shot for shot remake of a ten year old German film. I've heard that audiences and critics are not really responding favorably to the violence in the picture, but I've also heard that's the point. Just sayin...

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $110,000 on 201 screens, bringing it's grand total to $42,617,000 in 8 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, Owen Wilson has a new movie that Danny R. McBride costars in, which means the movie will promise at least five to ten minutes of genuine comic gold. There's probably something else that will open, too. But watch the animated elephant take it again.

Until next weekend....
(Wilfred Brimley. Prince of Thieves).

Distractions from work

Lately, work has been slow. So I spend a lot of time examining the interweb. I've found a few things that are awesome and worth checking out, if you haven't seen them yet.

Stuff White People Like - A collection of things that make me ashamed to be a white man. (Though not as shameful as a wedding party doing the electric slide)

Garfield Minus Garfield - When you take Garfield out of the Garfield comics, Monday's become a lot better. Even if Jon seems a lot sadder.

And because I was looking it up on the YouTubes, I found a blast from high school geometry past.

And something from the good old General Cinemas that I can't remember if I've already shown or not.

Remember Boner?

From Growing Pains? (Not the euphemism for an erection caused by, say, a recent Academy Award winning screenwriter).

I wonder what Boner's been up to lately...

Tonight we're gonna party like it's 10,000 B.Stupid

Sweet merciful crap, is 10,000 B.C. a terrible movie. It's damn enjoyable, however. Let me put it this way, it's no Pathfinder, but it's pretty damn close.

There's so much that's wrong about this movie. The scene with the wild ostriches attacking. The sabre tooth tiger scenes. The choice of letting the characters speak English, sometimes in a Jamaican sounding accent. The eight or so prophecies that are all to be fulfilled by the one guy. The racial undercurrents that would be offensive if the movie weren't so stupid. 10,000 B.C. is like an adorable puppy that just crapped all over your bed. You can't get too mad, because look at how cute the puppy is. But you've still got a bed full of shyte.

And yet, I enjoyed the whole thing. I will never see it again. but I had a great time watching it. It truly is this year's Transformers, pure spectacle and absolutely no brain power needed whatsoever. Seriously, this movie feels like it was made on a system of dares. As if Roland Emmerich thought to himself "I'll have a scene with fearsome attacking ostriches, almost identical to the scene with the baby Godzillas in my previous movie. They'll have to take it out". And then is kind of surprised that they didn't take it out.

The special effects are pretty good. The mammoths the wooliest. The tigers' teeth the sabre-ist. But that's about it. Oh, I also kind of liked the lead guy, played by Steven Strait. I thought he did a real good job, not cracking up once through the whole movie. And Camilla Belle is just hot, but then you realize that every other women in the film looks like me. And Camilla looks fantastic, and with some make up, and "peasant dirt". But she's hot.
And then there are pyramids being built by captured tribes folk, and more nonsense involving prophecies. Then the white dude turns out to be the sole saviour of the African slaves that were kidnapped. But the hot girl needs to...

You see how this review makes absolutely no sense? It's akin to watching 10,000 BC. It makes no sense, and you get angry with yourself for enjoying it. But it's still very entertaining. And very, VERY stupid.

The Foot Fist Way

Fred Simmons is one hell of a Tae Kwon Do instructor. Actually, he's not. He's pretty terrible. And unbelievably deluded about his position in the world. And kind of a jerk. And as played by Danny McBride, one of the damn funniest comic characters on screen in a long time. Almost rivaling Ron Burgundy in sheer arrogance and comedic brilliance.

The Foot Fist Way tells the story of Fred Simmons, as his life slowly unravels due to a cheating wife. Driven by rage and anger, he eventually goes on a road trip with with two of his Tae Kwon Do students to see a demo of the legendary Chuck "The Truck" Wallace. That's as close to story as the movie gets. I feel awkward making the comparison, but the movie has a Napoleon Dynamite kind of feel: Very loose and free flowing, full of random one-liners and a few physical gags that kill, and even though it seems like not much is happening, it's pretty hilarious.

Of course, this movie isn't really about story. It's about performance. A brilliant performance, to be precise, from Danny McBride.

Danny McBride (not the one who co-wrote those crappy Underworld movies, the guy from Hot Rod and Heartbreak Kid) plays Fred Simmons perfectly. Everything the man says is comic gold. McBride commits himself mind, body and soul to this character and the results are pure hilarity. Simmons is the kind of person that you don't ever want to spend too much time with. He's an ass, and he's bound to make any situation that much more uncomfortable. McBride seems keenly aware of this and pushes this as far into squirming territory as it can possibly go.

Take the scenes with Denise, a cute young girl who's interested in Tae Kwon Do. Any scene that involves her, and Fred's "relationship" with her just makes you wish the scene would end for her sake. But for the audiences' sake, it continues. And keeps going. To brilliantly funny conclusions, mind you.

The movie is full of characters and one liners, most of which you'll miss from laughing too hard the first time. Ben Best (who along with McBride and director Jody Hill, co-wrote the film) is quite good as The Truck, a fading martial arts star and Fred's idol. And Jody Hill has a brief turn as Mike, a level-5 black belt, which means nothing because he doesn't believe in levels. And Mary Jane Bostic as Fred's hot and slutty wife is spot on. And the kid who plays Julio, Fred's young apprentice at the dojo. Everyone in this movie brings their game on, and delivers.

Rumor has it that Will Ferrell and Adam McKay were slipped a tape of this, and loved it so much they threw their names behind it in order to give it a wider audience. And it's easy to see the appeal, especially because Fred Simmons is the kind of character that Will Ferrell excels at: The deluded, egotistical, blinded to reality (and non-sequiter spewing) know it all jerk. It's an apt comparison, and Ferrell and McKay have done a good job in getting this out there.

If there is any justice in the world, The Foot Fist Way will become the movie that college kids pop on with their drunk friends and quote ad infinitum. It's not a movie about gags and set ups, as much as it's about subtle, dry humor, deranged characters, and hilariously wrong lines of dialogue. I'm going to go out on a limb, and say even with the the onslaught of Apatow flicks coming out this year, you will be hard pressed to find a movie funnier than The Foot Fist Way. You owe it to yourself to see this movie, and help Danny McBride become the huge comedy star that he deserves to be. You'll thank me afterwards.

Bow to your sensei!

Box Office Report: Daylight Savings Weekend!

Dude here again. We did that time change thing last night, putting the clocks ahead an hour. I think it's pretty foolish to keep doing this back and forth thing. But I also find it incredibly arrogant that George W. Bush felt the need to actually change the dates when it happens, to give us more light. You are not the master of space and time, sir. That would be Doc Brown. Leave Daylight Savings Time alone! That's it. I'm finished. Let's get on with this.

This weekend, a really big, loud, dumb movie opened up. And so did 10,000 B.C. and one of them made far too much money than it deserves. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $35.7, 3410 screens, week 1, $35.7 total

2. College Road Trip (BV) - $14.0, 2706 screens, week 1, $14.0 total

3. Vantage Point (Sony)- $7.5, 3163 screens, week 3, $51.6 total

4. Semi-Pro (NL) - $5.9, 3121 screens, week 2, $24.8 total

5. The Bank Job (LGF) - $5.7, 1603 screens, week 1, $5.7 total

6. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Par) - $4.8, 3246 screens, week 4, $61.7 total

7. The Other Boleyn Girl (Sony) - $4.0, 1167 screens, week 2, $14.6 total

8. Jumper (Fox) - $3.7, 2563 screens, week 4, $72.5 total

9. Step Up 2 The Streets (BV)- $3.0, 2251 screens, week 4, $53.0 total

10. Fool's Gold (WB) - $2.8, 2322 screens, week 5, $62.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that $35 million was painfully sucked away from poor fools stupid enough to pay their hard earned dollars to see the wooly mammoth movie. (Full disclosure: I am one of those fools, too). And that $14 million was taken away from the people who couldn't even give it to the wooly mammoth movie, but rather to Rayven Simone.

Adding insult to this injury, a perfectly fine Jason Statham bank robbery movie opened up to far less than either of these movies. This is just shenanigans. That's right. SHENANIGANS!!!

Right below the top ten, something called Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day did slightly less than 5 week old McConaughey abs. Gus Van Sant's Paranoid Park opened up on 2 screens and took in $30,000 and the highest per screen average. Even higher than the movie with the wild ostrich attack. The new Stephen Chow movie CJ7 opened up on 19 screens and took in $41,100. And the latest from David Gordon Green, Snow Angels, opened up on 2 screens to take in $14,000. The more fascinating films are rarely in the top ten, are they?

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $66,000 on 163 screens, bringing it's grand total to $42,465,000 in 7 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, Doomsday!!! That's all that really should matter.

Until next weekend....

Rorschach looks badass!!!!

And Nite Owl looks a little like Batman. And GOB from Arrested Development, but that's Patrick Wilson's curse (blessing?) to live with. But also, badass!

And Silk Spectre just looks HOT!