We're Just a Couple of Regular Guys, Walking Down the Street, With a Small Cowboy

Box Office Report: The Return

Dude here again. Some may say I missed last week's box office report because I was recovering from a Tandori wedding hangover, but I was merely protesting that far too many people voluntarily elected to see Life As We Know It. Rarely do I question the taste of the populace, but this was one of those times.

Seriously, who could willingly see that?

This weekend, the world is right again. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Jackass 3-D (Par)- $50.0, 3081 screens, week 1, $50.0 total

2. Red (Sum)- $22.5, 3255 screens, week 1, $22.5 total

3. The Social Network (Sony)- $11.0, 2868 screens, week 3, $63.1 total

4. Secretariat (BV) - $9.5, 3072 screens, week 2, $27.5 total

5. Life As We Know It (WB)- $9.2, 3150 screens, week 2, $28.8 total

6. Legend of the Guardians (WB) - $4.2, 2502 screens, week 4, $46.0 total

7. The Town (WB)- $4.0, 2368 screens, week  5, $80.5 total

8. My Soul To Take (Uni) - $3.1, 2529 screens, week 2, $11.9 total

9. Easy A (ScrGms) - $2.6, 2314 screens, week 5, $52.3 total

10. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (Fox) $2.3, 2045 screens, week 4, $47.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that finally, good sense prevails, and the number one movie is the most deserving. The Jackass boys blew away their previous openings (some will accuse the inflated 3-D prices) and proved once again that the world loves movies where idiots get hit in the junk.

Opening in second is Red, Bruce Willis and other older actors firing machine guns, and hopefully swearing up a storm. Just noticed the PG-13 rating, so it's probably just Grumpy Old Men with weaponry. Which is not a bad thing. Anyway, it, was an impressive opening, especially for Bruce WIllis, because if we elect to see him in other movies, the possibilities of Die Hard 5 are slimmer and slim… Nevermind, just read that it's fast-tracked. There is no justice.

Everything else is slipping silently. Social Network continues to chug along nicely. Finally saw it, but was more than a little disappointed at the lack of Farmville jokes.

Fun Fact: There is a scene in Wall Street 2 where money, in fact, DOES sleep!

Below the radar, no small release indie horror flicks, but more Oscar-bation as Hereafter, starring Matt Damon and directed by Clint Eastwood, opened on 6 screens and took $231,000. Also, Conviction, starring Hilary Swank, opened on 11 screens to take in $110,000. Time will tell if these movies will win numerous awards.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, a popular horror movie released this time last year gets a sequel, and the word Saw is not involved. Thankfully, neither is the phrase "3-D". However, that will happen the following week.

I had fun with the Michael Bay app thingie.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

In Honor Of Brady's Geocities Comment

I decided to provide this link that will let you turn any website into a Geocities inspired masterpiece.

So, I went and did this.

Decided to try something new.

If it's too weird and upsetting let me know. I'm still not 100% on it and I'm gonna fool around with it for a bit.

Not too much, though. We all know what happens when there's too much tinkering.

We get multiple editions on outdated media.

Anyway, let me know what you think. Like I said, it's not always gonna be like this. But figured I'd give it a whirl.

Fun Things To While Away the Hours at Work.

Here's a video for a band, or something. They're called Hollerado. My friend Daphne was involved in the video's creation.



Fun Fact: She also appears in the video, in the box on the bottom row, second from the left.

Here's a link to the preview for The Revenged, an Ed Klau joint. I didn't edit the trailer that runs, but I edited the scene that I have to finish cutting so we can put it on the site. Also, note that the trailer starts right up when you click the link, just be warned in case of weird noises.

And here's a video of a bullet spinning on ice, after being shot. I assume this means you shouldn't try it at home, but lord knows you want to.

You really really want to.


Talkin Tweeners: in case anybody cares, I still haven't seen Facebook movie, but I did see The Town (Quite Solid), Let Me In (Very Solid, if wholly unnecessary) and Resident Evil 4, which I summed up as the greatest Tool video ever made.

Looking back at that paragraph, I think I have to devise some sort of review system, something akin to "Thumbs Up", yet incorporating the word "Solid."

ie. "Fuckin Solid" = 5 stars
"Quite Solid" = 4 stars
"Solid"= etc.

I don't know, just something to think about.


WERE YOU AWARE... that the majority of traffic directed to this site randomly from Google Search is the word "Kuato" the misspelled "Cuato"?

So let's give the people what they want. More Cuato!!!

Open Your Mind

(For what it's worth, I always hoped I would be searched out for that Karl Urban quote fixation I had awhile back).

I did too, Dude - K.U.

Are there any Wes Anderson fans out there? Here's a nifty link to some early work he did while still in school. I found it interesting, but I also haven't subscribed to the hipster notion that he sucks isn't at the level he used to be. Again, I don't subscribe to it.

And speaking of Wes Anderson...



(Didn't think you'd get away without that, did you?)

Also, there's this now

It's Grover doing the Old Spice commercial. Which is kinda fantastic, really.

Box Office Report: Out of Facebook puns

So, Facebook movie is number one.

I was at a weekend event, and didn't get around to writing the report.

So instead, enjoy this video of a sexy lady pole dance with a ninja sword.

EMBED-Hot Chick Is A Pole-Dancing Ninja - Watch more free videos

Remarkably, it's fine for work.

Box Office Report: How Do I Unlike?

Dude here again. Has anyone been watching the current crop of new television shows? They're just as disappointing as all the summer blockbusters were this past summer. What the hell is going on? Are we just in a creative lull? Are people caring about other, more important things?

Like the upcoming elections taco salad? .

This weekend, the Facebook movie finally came out, along with two spoooooky movies. Because it's October, so we get horror movies and Oscar-Bation flicks. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Social Network (ScrGms)- $23.0, 2771 screens, week 1, $23.0 total

2. Legend of the Guardians (WB) - $10.8, 3575 screens, week 2, $30.0 total

3. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (Fox) $10.1, 3565 screens, week 2, $35.8 total

4. The Town (WB)- $10.0, 2935 screens, week  3, $64.3 total

5. Easy A (ScrGms) - $7.0, 2974 screens, week 3, $42.4 total

6. You Again (BV) - $5.5, 2548 screens, week 2, $16.4 total

7. Case 39 (ParV)- $5.35, 2211 screens, week 1, $5.35 total

8. Let Me In (Over)- $5.30, 2020 screens, week 1, $5.30 total

9. Devil (Uni) - $3.6, 2392 screens, week 3, $27.3 total

10. Alpha and Omega (LGF)- $3.0, 2303 screens, week 3, $19.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that some audiences managed to go to a theater, and tweet their status to "Seeing the Facebook movie" on their iPhones while watching the Facebook movie. Sure, it's being heralded as one of the best movies of this year, but I still feel it's been far too overhyped, and this weaker than predicted open kind of makes it the Kick-Ass of Oscar Bait.

More interesting is the case of Case 39, a movie filmed four years ago and finally now seeing the light of day. (Or darkened room, technically). It opened up to somewhat expected business (Probably better than anyone involved hoped), but also makes almost the same amount of money as Let Me In, the American remake of the Swedish horror hit from two years ago. How odd.

The case with Let Me In also begs the question, do audiences not care for these remakes? Or was there not even a big enough audience, because the vampires actually killed people instead of brooded and sparkled and pined for the mumble queen?

These are the questions we should be asking. 

Way to go Snyder Owls! (Really just wanted to say that). 

Fun Fact: After 12 weeks, Inception dropped off the top ten, but on Arthur's dream level it will take another year and a half to actually fall.

Below the radar, more horror movies opened up in limited release, including Chain Letter, which took in $143,000 on 406 screens, with a sad per screen average of $352. Hatchet 2 also opened, (UNRATED!!!), but only made $62,000 on 68 screens. This does not bode well for more unrated releases. In documentary releases, Freakonomics, an adaptation of the best selling non-fiction book, took in $33,000 on 17 screens. 

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, more of the same, as more horror flicks and Oscar Bait hopefuls are released.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Box Office Report: Money Slept Here Once, But Just Once

Dude here again. Fall is here, except where I live in Los Angeles, where traffic finally let up and allowed summer to stop by for a little bit.

But let's talk about money and corporations, instead.

This weekend, another 20+ year sequel arrives and takes the top, while 3D animation falters again. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (Fox) $19.0, 3565 screens, week 1, $19.0 total

2. Legend of the Guardians (WB) - $16.3, 3575 screens, week 1, $16.3 total

3. The Town (WB)- $16.0, 2885 screens, week 2, $49.1 total

4. Easy A (ScrGms) - $10.7, 2856 screens, week 2, $32.8 total

5. You Again (BV) - $8.3, 2548 screens, week 1, $8.3 total

6. Devil (Uni) - $6.4, 2811 screens, week 2, $21.7 total

7. Resident Evil: Afterlife (ScrGms)- $4.9, 2642 screens, week 3, $52.0 total

8. Alpha and Omega (LGF)- $4.7, 2625 screens, week 2, $15.1 total

9. Takers (ScrGms)- $1.6, 1413 screens, week 5, $54.9 total

10. Inception (WB)- $1.2, 907 screens, week 11, $287.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that either 80s' nostalgia will never peak, or Oliver Stone had a compelling enough story relating to current economic climes and enough sense to cast "El Beef" as his lead. Wall Street 2: Electric Boogaloo managed to take the top spot, though in an odd, possible ironic parallel, it didn't make too much money.

Truth be told, I made up calling Shia LeBouf "El Beef", but can y'all do me a favor and start spreading it around. I would appreciate it.

Coming in second is Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole, which is about a bunch of owls reenacting 300. It took in impressive numbers, but not impressive enough in this age of 3D animation domination. Looks like Zack Snyder's gonna have to go back to making extremely violent R-rated movies.

You Again? Not even the first time. Think about it.

Let's take a moment and give mad props to Ben "Phantoms" Affleck, who has directed a genuine hit with The Town, and may be garnering some awards buzz. Well done.

Fun Fact: Resident Evil - Afterlife is the greatest feature length Tool video EVER!!!

Below the radar, (deep breath…) Ryan Reynolds was Buried, took in $104,000 on 11 screens, the raunch-fest The Virginity Hit made $300,000 on 700 screens, Woody Allen's latest You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger took in $163,000 on 6 screens, Franco as Ginsberg in poem adaptation Howl took in $54,000 also on 6 screens, Gaspar Noe's latest Enter The Void opened on 3 screens and took in $42,300, and Waiting For "Superman", the latest from the Inconvenient Truth guy who's not Al Gore, took in $141,000 on 4 screens, and had the highest per screen average of all this week.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we see the Facebook movie and the Let The Right One in remake, both of which I should hate on general principle yet I can't wait to see with a fever pitch.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

You talkin to me? You talkin to... wait, wrong movie.

Goodfellas was released 20 years ago. I feel old.

Here is a ridiculously amazing recounting of the production at GQ.

Kenny Fuckin Powers

So big, he's busting through my blog proportions!

Box Office Report: Bad Pun Related to Number One Movie

Dude here again. Random introductory blather that may reflect current trends. Snarky observations, personal asides, and obscure pop culture references may also be substituted. Also, apologies for lethargy.

Pithy one-liner to coincide with first paragraph.

This weekend, witty/shameful one line about the number one movie sandwiched between template that literally hasn't changed in five years. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Town (WB)- $23.8, 2861 screens, week  1, $23.8 total

2. Easy A (ScrGms) - $18.2, 2856 screens, week 1, $18.2 total

3. Devil (Uni) - $12.5, 2809 screens, week 1, $12.5 total

4. Resident Evil: Afterlife (ScrGms)- $10.1, 3209 screens, week 2, $43.9 total

5. Alpha and Omega (LGF)- $9.2, 2625 screens, week 1, $9.2 total

6. Takers (ScrGms)- $3.0, 2139 screens, week 4, $52.3 total

7. The American (Foc) - $2.7, 2457 screens, week 3, $32.8 total

8. Inception (WB)- $2.0, 1305 screens, week 10, $285.1 total

9. The Other Guys (Sony) - $2.0, 1827 screens, week 7, $115.4 total

10. Machete (Fox) $1.7, 1704 screens, week 3, $24.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that a) if movie is well liked and deserved to be number one, accolades and praise to all involved and public masses for electing to choose a good film; or b) if movie is stupid but made lots of money, cast shame and derision towards public masses and their intelligence levels.

If other movie opens, note how it did in comparison to either the number one movie or previous films from star/director. If third new release opens, repeat step two.

If third or more release opens and performs miserably, make awful pun based on it's name in relation to it's poor performance.

If you feel like it, report on older releases that are just barely scraping by until they're released on DVD in two months.

Fun Fact: This is a newer feature that doesn't really have to be fun to anybody but me, but try to include as many MacGruber or Twilight references as possible because the hits go up when the words "new Kristin Stewart pics", "Twilight", and "MacGruber" are put in the same search engine.

Below the radar, indie films are discussed because not too many other people shine enough light on them. Make sure to note how the intelligent ones will have a higher per screen average than the number one movie in the country, although that comparison really means nothing. It's the reassuring pat on the back.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, discuss how something awesome or stupid is coming out the next weekend. Lather, rinse repeat.

Until next weekend....

(Bizarre photo procured from another site on the internet).

(Thank the good people at Box Office Mojo for doing all the hard work for you)

Box Office Report: Afterlife

Dude here again. There's a confession I need to make: I'm supremely jealous of all the awesome movies being shown at Toronto Fest this week, while I'm stuck with Resident Evil 4. Sure, it's in 3D, but that fest has so many interesting looking movies, it makes you wonder why we had to suffer through this past crappy summer.

Except for Jonah Hex and Piranha 3D, obviously.

This weekend, there's no disputing who's number one, as that's a mighty large gap. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Resident Evil: Afterlife (ScrGms)- $27.7, 3203 screens, week 1, $27.7 total

2. Takers (ScrGms)- $6.1, 2191 screens, week 3, $48.1 total

3. The American (Foc) - $5.8, 2833 screens, week 2, $26.7 total

4. Machete (Fox) $4.2, 2678 screens, week 2, $20.8 total

5. Going The Distance (NL)- $3.8, 3030 screens, week 2, $14.0 total

6. The Other Guys (Sony) - $3.6, 2246 screens, week 6, $112.6 total

7. The Last Exorcism (LGF) - $3.4, 2731 screens, week 3, $38.1 total

8. The Expendables (LGF)- $3.2, 3058 screens, week 5, $98.4 total

9. Inception (WB)- $3.0, 1583 screens, week 9, $282.4 total

10. Eat Pray Love (Sony) - $2.9, 2339 screens, week 5, $74.6 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that if you make a Resident Evil movie, pretty much the same amount of people will come to see it. Sure, it made more than the others, but there's also 3D prices to contend with, so it evens out. Still, this consistency is pretty impressive for a series on its fourth film, and one that had to surrender to the massive onslaught of 3D product.

Other than Resident Evil, there is nothing worth reporting, really. I'm amazed The American made as much money as it did, Machete should be making more, but isn't. The Expendables is almost at $100 million, which will be the first time in a long time for Stallone. Inception continues to make money, etc.

It's yet another sorbet palate cleanser of a weekend, to wash away the tastes of summer to make room for the fall movies.

Fun Fact: This summer saw the return of Dolph Lundgren AND Steven Seagal to the big screen! Alas, no Van Damme.

Below the radar, there's a film called The Romantics, which wants to be this generation's version of The Big Chill, opened up on 2 screens and took in $44,400, which is the highest per screen average of all the movies out there this week.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, four big releases of varying genres, thus begins the madness of fall.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Dude Matrix

(Thanks Brady)

Acting Doesn't Get Much Better Than This

Everything Chris Klein Says in "The Legend of Chun Li" from Jeff Rubin on Vimeo.

If You Choose Not To Decide

YOU STILL HAVE MADE A CHOICE!!!

Box Office Report: Machete Don't Text

Dude here again. Well, it's Labor Day weekend over in these parts, which means the end of crappy summer flicks and the beginning of pretentious Oscar-bait flicks! Personally, though, I prefer the January dumping grounds, but it's a nice change of seasons.

It's kind of sad that these are my seasons, but in LA, it's the only way you know what month is it.

This weekend, the estimates are even tighter than last weekend's neck-and-neck race. But as with most things in life, Clooney shall prevail. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. The American (Foc) - $12.9, 2823 screens, week 1, $16.1 total

2. Takers (ScrGms)- $11.4, 2206 screens, week 2, $37.9 total

3. Machete (Fox) $11.3, 2670 screens, week 1, $11.3 total

4. The Last Exorcism (LGF) - $7.6, 2874 screens, week 2, $32.4 total

5. Going The Distance (NL)- $6.8, 3030 screens, week  3, $6.8 total

6. The Expendables (LGF)- $6.5, 3398 screens, week 4, $92.1 total

7. The Other Guys (Sony) - $5.4, 2607 screens, week 5, $106.8 total

8. Eat Pray Love (Sony) - $4.8, 2663 screens, week 4, $68.9 total

9. Inception (WB)- $4.5, 1704 screens, week 8, $277.1 total

10. Nanny McPhee Returns (Uni)- $3.5, 2708 screens, week 3, $22.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that George Clooney rules all! How smooth is he? He tricked boat loads of audiences into seeing his art film, by making people think it was an action thriller. That Clooney, so smooth.

In Clooney's wake is last week's champ Takers, which won the photo finish, and according to this, looks like it will do another photo finish over Machete, which is a film almost as fantastically gory as Piranha 3D and Expendables. It really needs to be seen to be believed, but apparently not too many people are going to see it.

Going The Distance? Looks like nobody's going the distance to the theater. Zing!

Nobody seems to care about those other movies. So I'm gonna follow suit. Sure, I could take this moment to wrap up the summer numbers, but that's a lot of work, dealing with a lot of money you and I will never see.

Fun Fact: Avatar - Special Edition is making MacGruber numbers!

Below the radar, there's this movie called A Woman A Gun and A Noodle Shop, which is a Chinese remake of the Coen Brother's first movie, Blood Simple, took in $27,700 on 5 screens. 

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we got ourselves a new Resident Evil movie! And probably some other things too, as serious movies begin unfurling below our feet!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

You say you wanna see a movie?

You say you're tired of the studio crap that's been pumped down our throat all summer? That you desire to see a movie full of blood, guts, and destruction? And considerable amounts of nubile flesh?

Then you wanna see Piranha 3D.

Answer Yes or No to whether you like these things in movies about ravenous aquatic wildlife attacking spring break coeds:

Obvious Jaws references.

Underwater Nude Ballet.

Elizabeth Shue, still looking good.

Ving Rhames mowing down killer piranha with an outboard motor.

Eli Roth's head being crushed by a boat…

In 3D.

Underwater Nude Ballet featuring Kelly Brook.

Endless scenes of spring break carnage.

CHRISTOPHER LLOYD SHOUTING EVERY LINE!!!

Lots of eviscerated flesh.

Adam Scott on a jet ski with a shotgun.

A scene that involves a killer fish burping up breast implants and something far more grotesque.

Underwater Nude Ballet featuring Kelly Brook... in 3D!!!

(With that chick!)

Seriously, if you answered "No" to any of these movies, go eat pray and love somewhere else. For the rest of us people who like movies, enjoy the hell out of Piranha 3D.

Box Office Report: We'll probably have more exorcisms now

Dude here again. Can you believe the summer movie season is almost over? Doesn't it seem like just last week when we were talking about how every movie this summer sucks, and there's nothing worthy of coming out, except for maybe Inception and Expendables? And here we are, a whole summer has passed us by.

And we're still making arguments that a lot of the movies this summer sucked.

This weekend, the estimates are giving us a neck-and-neck race. Whose ego will prevail victorious? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. The Last Exorcism (LGF) - $21.3, 2874 screens, week 1, $21.3 total

2. Takers (ScrGms)- $21.0, 2206 screens, week 1, $21.0 total

3. The Expendables (LGF)- $9.5, 3398 screens, week 3, $82.0 total

4. Eat Pray Love (Sony) - $7.0, 3108 screens, week 3, $60.7 total

5. The Other Guys (Sony) - $6.6, 3181 screens, week 4, $99.3 total

6. Vampires Suck (Fox) $5.3, 3233 screens, week 2, $27.9 total

7. Inception (WB)- $5.1, 2070 screens, week 7, $270.7 total

8. Nanny McPhee Returns (Uni)- $4.7, 2798 screens, week 2, $17.0 total

9. The Switch (Mir) - $4.6, 2017 screens, week 2, $16.4 total

10. Piranha 3D (Dim)- $4.3, 2491 screens, week 2, $18.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that somehow, our collective audience viewing habits couldn't decide between the standard late-August horror fare thats served up to us, or Heat-lite starring two of the most wooden actors in the history of the game. The Last Exorcism, which I hear is quite effective, seemed to be on track with a large Friday haul, but Takers seems to be making money as well, which fascinates me because that movie looks like a junior high brandy ad. Real numbers will prove the winner, but this is another of those races where whoever wins, we lose.

The Expendables and Eat Pray Love continue their dance, sweeping up the remains. Meanwhile, all the other big releases from last week (five of them!) have settled down to the bottom of the chart. And sure, everybody's pulling in some money, but it's comparatively weak sauced compared to previous years.

Although it seems according to this chart that the top nineteen movies all grossed at least a million dollars, which is nothing to be ashamed about. To give you perspective, Step UP 3-D made $1.2 million dollars in three days, where as I made $262 in 3 days with my wonderfully shitty job. Justice: Hollywood Style!

Fun Fact: Only one movie in the top ten features a nude underwater ballet and a scene where a fish burps out a digested human penis. Not so fun fact- that movie is at the bottom of the list, not at the top where images like that belong. (Take that, Nolan).

Below the radar, James Cameron decided he wanted some more money, and released a special edition of Avatar, you remember that one, right? The movie about the blue hippies who want to save the world in 3D? Anyway, there are a few new scenes in the film, which means hot rapey blue firewire cable scenes! Anyway, the public was mostly not having that, having spent so much money seeing it in theaters earlier this year then buying the crappy bare bones Blu Ray, so it only made $4.0 million. just slightly less than Pirahna 3-D, which is the superior motion picture due to blood, nudity, and time factors.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Machete comes to own us all! And Clooney's got a new movie which mean it's time for serious movie season to start!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Box Office Re..EXPENDABLES AGAIN, MUTHAF@#KAS!!!

Dude here again. Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time, I feel a-li-i-i-ive! And the world, turn it inside out, I'm floating around, in ecstasy. So don't… stop me now. Cause I'm having a good time.

Havin a good time.

This weekend, those expendable folk continue to kick our collective asses, in addition to the asses of five, (count 'em FIVE) new releases. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. The Expendables (LGF)- $16.5, 3270 screens, week 2, $64.8 total

2. Vampires Suck (Fox) $12.2, 3233 screens, week 1, $18.5 total (Wed open)

3. Eat Pray Love (Sony) - $12.0, 3082 screens, week 2, $47.1 total

4. Lottery Ticket (WB)- $11.1, 1973 screens, week 1, $11.1 total

5. The Other Guys (Sony) - $10.1, 3472 screens, week 3, $88.1 total

6. Piranha 3D (Dim)- $10.0, 2470 screens, week 1, $10.0 total

7. Nanny McPhee Returns (Uni)- $8.3, 2784 screens, week 1, $8.3 total

8. The Switch (Mir) - $8.1, 2012 screens, week 1, $8.1 total

9. Inception (WB)- $7.6, 2401 screens, week 6, $261.8 total

10. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (Uni) - $5.0, 2820 screens, week 2, $20.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that we now need to put Dolph Lundgren in more movies. Because He's the greatest thing in that movie, and that movie is the #1 movie for 2 weeks in a row. KICKING YOUR ASS!!!

They actually released a movie with the title "Vampires Suck", fittingly accompanied by the Fox fanfare, and it managed to make $18 million, which is cause for shame for everybody who bought a ticket, unless you were underage kids buying tickets to a PG-13 movie so you could sneak into Expendables.

In which case shame on you for not buying tickets to Scott Pilgrim instead. It needs the money and totally deserves it more. (+100 pts AWESOME)

All the new releases seemed to settle around in this odd $8-$12 million range. Respectable for the dog days of summer, but next week will show if anybody cares to see any of these flicks. I'm betting Lottery Ticket and Piranha 3D.  

Fun Fact: Sixteen movies made at least $1 million this weekend. Including that Cats and Dogs sequel.

Below the radar, highly acclaimed documentary The Tillman Story, took in $52,400 on 4 screens. And other highly acclaimed documentary A Film Unfinished took in $37,500, also on 4 screens. There were a lot more indie releases, but they didn't report anything/ So eff them. 

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, I don't know. Probably a horror movie. And something else that's probably stupid. I think Avatar's coming back, too, with a full on creepy neon blue sex scene.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Lest us not forget that there is a 3-D movie coming out about killer pirahna!

This and Jackass 3-D kind of make it all worthwhile.

Piranha 3D: For Your Consideration from Piranha 3D

6 out of 6 Men Agree...

The Expendables is a solid 2 & 1/2 star picture.

But it becomes a 4 star picture whenever Dolph Lundgren is onscreen.

Box Office Re..EXPENDABLES, MUTHAF@#KAS!

Dude here again. Had to take another week off. It turns out, I couldn't contain my excitement for The Expendables anymore, and I just had to go out to a shack in the woods and meditate. Then on Friday when it was released, I broke my two week vow of silence to journey to the theater to see it.

it was sold out.

Son of a...

This weekend, they came, they saw, they kicked some ass over eating, praying, and loving. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. The Expendables (LGF)- $35.0, 3270 screens, week 1, $35.0 total

2. Eat Pray Love (Sony) - $23.7, 3082 screens, week 1, $23.7 total

3. The Other Guys (Sony) - $18.0, 3651 screens, week 2, $70.5 total

4. Inception (WB)- $11.3, 3120 screens, week 5, $248.5 total

5. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (Uni) - $10.5, 2818 screens, week 1, $10.5 total

6. Despicable Me (Uni)- $6.7, 2923 screens, week 6, $221.9 total

7. Step Up 3-D (BV)- $6.6, 2439 screens, week 2, $29.5 total

8. Salt (Sony) - $6.35, 2834 screens, week 4, $103.5 total

9. Dinner For Schmucks (Par/DW) $6.31, 3046 screens, week 3, $58.8 total

10. Cats & Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore (WB)- $4.0, 2728 screens, week 3, $35.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that that the rest of the country agrees with my 13-year old self (and our dads) as The Expendables vaults past the competition, decimating everything in it's path.

Eat Pray Love. Second Place Fine. Word Of Mouth Strong. Strong Second Week. Mark My Words.

I realize that everybody was out seeing the movie where shit blows up, but couldn't anyone give more love to Scott Pilgrim? Edgar Wriight makes good flicks, he deserves your love, and I'm sure he's made a terrific motion picture, he hasn't failed us yet.

Just like Nolan.

Fun Fact: For the scene where Mark Wahlberg shoots Derek Jeter alone, The Other guys is the now officially the GREATEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR.

Below the radar, highly acclaimed import Animal Kingdom. featuring Guy Pearce is a no-doubt badass performance, took in $64,000 on 7 screens. Good considering the reviews, but not nearly as impressive as per screen as Expendables, proving once and for all that Expendables is the superior motion picture of this weekend. Oh yeah!

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we finally get the 3-D movie we deserve. And some other nonsense that involves Ice Cube.

Until next weekend....

(Yeah, it's a pizza with cheeseburgers on it)
(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

You Need To See This Again

Box Office Report: Once... Twice... Three Times a Lady!

Dude here again. Had myself a nice vacation, unplugged from the internet. It was refreshing, and mildly disturbing. Like picking off a scab. But that's neither here nor there, I have numbers to report!

But for what it's worth, I'm still really bummed I didn't get to use the headline "SALT LICKED!" last weekend.

This weekend, if we were bowling, I'd say Nolan has himself a turkey. But we're not bowling. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Inception (WB)- $27.5, 3545 screens, week 3, $193.3 total

2. Dinner For Schmucks (Par/DW) $23.3, 2911 screens, week 1, $23.3 total

3. Salt (Sony) - $19.2, 3612 screens, week 2, $70.8 total

4. Despicable Me (Uni)- $15.5, 3602 screens, week 4, $190.3 total

5. Cats & Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore (WB)- $12.5, 3705 screens, week 1, $12.5 total

6. Charlie St. Cloud (Uni) - $12.1, 2718 screens, week 1, $12.1 total

7. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $5.0, 2105 screens, week 7, $389.6 total

8. Grown Ups (Sony) - $4.5, 2269 screens, week 6, $150.7 total

9. The Sorcerer's Apprentice (BV)- $4.3, 2524 screens, week 3, $51.8 total

10. Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Sum) - $3.9, 2334 screens, week 5, $288.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that if we were playing hockey, people would throw their hats on the ice for Christopher Nolan. Am I using these sports metaphors properly? I don't know of these things. Is that top still spinning?

The Dinner For Schmucks didn't need as much SALT, oh Dispic… I'm really too lazy to keeping that. Suffice it to say, they made enough money.

The geniuses in Hollywood finally answered my letters and made a sequel to Cats & Dogs, and were even kind enough to make it in 3-D, and how do you repay them? By not seeing it. Way to go, people.

Fun Fact: I keep wanting to come up with something snarky and mean to say about Charlie St. Cloud, but that Zac Efron is so damn charming I just can't.

Below the radar, a movie called Get Low made $90,900 on 4 screens. And a documentary about Hugh Hefner made $10,000, playing on one screen. Awesome.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Will Ferrel and Mark Wahlberg finally team up. And more letters are answered with ST3P UP 3D!!! (I'm assuming that's a real movie).

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Flamethrower Vs Fire Extinguisher

There may come a day when I finally figure out how to appropriately format these videos to fit my blog space.And on that day, those obnoxious spammers will stop leaving links to porn site in the comments.

Until that day comes, though, enjoy this awesome video that looks like what would happen if Napoleon Dynamite aged ten years and developed a drinking problem and brought a flame thrower to a fight with Brad Dourif.

Enjoy!

Dancing Pigeons - Ritalin from Blink on Vimeo.

(Hey how about that, it actually fits!)

Box Office Report: SALT LICKED!

I was on vacation last week, and I really regret not writing that headline in the box office report I didn't write.

More Inception stuff.

It makes more sense if you've seen the flick, but I found this neat little piece about Inception, which people seem to like.



Not quite sure I want to see it again, for fear I'll find more flaws, but I'm willing to give Nolan the benefit of the doubt.

Yeah, Inception is pretty cool

I liked it quite a bit. Even if I did have to pee worse than when I saw Star Trek.

Oh, and Predators rocked as well. It's all about the Brody!

Box Office Report: Christ (opherNolan) Saves

Dude here again. I'm starting to question my status as The Dude. There are several other dudes out there, far more dude-like than I, and I'm thinking maybe perhaps my time as The Dude is up. Maybe it's time to move on and find a new name.

Or maybe I just need to drink more cough syrup in the mornings. Less?

This weekend, the alleged savior of of summer films hath arrived. did it meet expectations? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Inception (WB)- $60.4, 3792 screens, week 1, $60.4 total

2. Despicable Me (Uni)- $32.7, 3501 screens, week 2, $118.3 total

3. The Sorcerer's Apprentice (BV)- $17.3, 3504 screens, week 1, $24.4 total (Wed Open)

4. Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Sum) - $13.5, 4001 screens, week 3, $264.9 total

5. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $11.7, 3177 screens, week 5, $362.7 total

6. Grown Ups (Sony) - $10.0, 3074 screens, week 4, $129.2 total

7. The Last Airbender (Par) $7.4, 2805 screens, week 3, $114.8 total

8. Predators (Fox) - $6.8, 2669 screens, week 2, $40.0 total

9. Knight & Day (Fox)- $3.7, 1925 screens, week 4, $69.2 total

10. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $2.2, 1532 screens, week 6, $169.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that everybody who thought Christopher Nolan's Inception would be movie that turned things right at the box office, and maybe cleaned up all that oil in the gulf while it was at it, could be right. An impressive $60 million take for an unproven idea that allegedly takes some thinking to enjoy, is nice. Next week, however, will show if it has the legs to become something legendary, or just something to pass the time.

Nicolas Cage tries to pay back a portion of his debt with another family friendly Disney flick, but comes a little short of the National Treasure numbers. I just hope the man gives another batshit crazy Nic Cage performance in it. Because that's all I want from movies anymore.

Toy Story 3 has gone to become the highest grossing flick of the year thus far. Twilight 3, not as much. Grown Ups, what the hell is going on there? I forgot that movie exists. Blah blah.

Fun Fact: in last week's column, I ignorantly dismissed the "badassitude" of Adrien Brody in Predators. Having now seen the film, I can attest, dude rocks the shit out of this movie.

Below the radar, there's something called Standing Ovation. It was released on 623 screens and took in $361,000. I can't find any other information on this movie, so I'm choosing to believe it is a religious picture, the kind that come out of nowhere and make more money than Jonah Hex. (5 weeks later, not even playing, but I'm keeping the Hex love alive, people)

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we get to shake on some Salt! And Ramona and Beezus, too!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

This says it all

Box Office Report: Despicable edition

Dude here again. You know, I get knocked down. But I get up again. You ain't ever gonna keep me down. I drink a whiskey drink, I drink a vodka drink. I drink a cider drink, and I drink a lager drink. I sing a song that reminds me of the bad times.

I sing a song that reminds me of the better times.

This weekend, mysterious advertising techniques propels animated glee to the top of the pack, while the most boring love triangle in cinematic history continues to suck money out of pockets. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Despicable Me (Uni)- $60.1, 3476 screens, week 1, $60.1 total

2. Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Sum) - $33.4, 4468 screens, week 2, $237.0 total

3. Predators (Fox) - $25.3, 2669 screens, week 1, $25.3 total

4. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $22.0, 3753 screens, week 4, $340.2 total

5. The Last Airbender (Par) $17.1, 3203 screens, week 2, $100.2 total

6. Grown Ups (Sony) - $16.4, 3463 screens, week 3, $111.3 total

7. Knight & Day (Fox)- $7.8, 2628 screens, week 3, $61.9 total

8. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $5.7, 2458 screens, week 5, $164.6 total

9. The A-Team (Fox)- $1.8, 1236 screens, week 5, $73.9 total

10. Cyrus (FoxS)- $1.3, 200 screens, week 4, $3.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that almost any animated movie that's released in 3-D will do well, even with inexplicable advertising. Seriously, until I read a review this week, I had no idea what the hell the movie was about. There are weird little yellow guys, a preview where the guy hijacks a pyramid… all stuff out of my drunken nightmares. Anyway, it did very well, as the good reviews probably didn't hurt.

Fox finally answered my letters and gave us another Predator movie, this time replacing the strong Arnold Schwarzenegger or the stoic Danny Glover with Adrien Brody and the guy from That 70s Show. (Though, truth be told Trejo and Walt Goggons from The Shield and Justified are also in it, so that makes up for the badassitude). Anyway, it did A-Team and Knight & Day numbers, but will most likely turn out to be one of the more profitable flicks Fox has this summer. (Sorry A-Team and Knight and Day).

Twilight continues its train of mediocrity while crossing the $200 million mark. You know, that's the one thing I don't like about the Twihards is how quickly they stop seeing the movie in theaters. Sure, they bombarded the multiplexes last week, but this week there are tame numbers. You're not trying, people.

Fun Fact: The "Grease Sing-A-Long" Version was released this week, and blame for that falls squarely on Glee. At least it wasn't in 3-D.

Below the radar, The Girl Who Played With Fire, the sequel to the the hit Girl With The Dragon Tattoo that opened up a few months ago (and will be remade in English in the near future because I hate subtitles) opened up on 85 screens to take in $965,000. Also, The Kids Are Alright, which seems to be the second best reviewed movie of the year (After the dead heat unity between Toy Story 3 and MacGruber) opened on 7 screens and took in $505,000, with a $72,000 per screen average which is the highest of all this week.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Inception is finally released in an attempt to satisfy those of us who have been hyping it up as the greatest movie this summer can offer. Plus, a Nic Cage movie that features him with ridiculous hair.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Winning Video Games

Here's what video games would look like if they were SUPER easy. 

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

(Thanks to Geekologie for pointing this out)

It's... Arrested Development

This is no mere illusion.

What's that? You're clamoring to see the world from a Turtle's Point of View?!?

Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: Don't pander to me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. Solar flare might crop up, cook us in our seats. And wait till you're sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles, see if you're so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence.

What's that? You need to see a picture of Bill Pullman from Lost Highway?

"No, no, no, no, no. After me."

Karl Urban as Munder, in the hit motion picture Ghost Ship

Box Office Report: Vampires V Werewolves, but not nearly as cool as it sounds. Again.

Dude here again. Doing what President Bill Pullman told us to do fourteen years ago when the world united to stop our alien oppressors., then murdered my wife in one reality while in another Robert Loggia beats up a dude for tailgating and… That's not the right movie is it?

Sorry, I'm thinking of Spaceballs.

This weekend, Twihards come out to show nerds how it's done! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Sum) - $69.8, 4468 screens, week 1, $161.0 total (Wed Open)

2. The Last Airbender (Par) $40.6, 3169 screens, week 1, $57.0 total (Thurs Open)

3. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $30.1, 4028 screens, week 3, $289.0 total

4. Grown Ups (Sony) - $18.5, 3534 screens, week 2, $77.0 total

5. Knight & Day (Fox)- $10.2, 3104 screens, week 2, $45.5 total

6. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $8.0, 3109 screens, week 4, $151.5 total

7. The A-Team (Fox)- $3.0, 2153 screens, week 4, $69.1 total

8. Get Him To The Greek (Uni)- $1.1, 884 screens, week 5, $57.4 total

9. Shrek Forever After (Par/DW) - $0.79, 957 screens, week 7, $232.1 total

10. Cyrus (FoxS)- $0.77, 77 screens, week 3, $1.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that loud sigh of disappointment you heard around the world was me. With maybe my friend Larry thrown in there a bit, too.

Kudos to The Last Airbender, which suffered the slings and arrows of fanboy outrage at casting choices, an allegedly horrendous 3-D conversion, and the worst reviews this side of Sex and the City 2, to take in an impressive $50 plus million in four days. M. Night Shyamalan still has something.

Other wise, everything is about normal. Toy Story continues doing what it does best. As does Adam Sandler. Knight and Day isn't too impressive, but to continue my Killers analogy from last week, they are mere dollars apart in total gross right now. Isn't it Alanis ironic? Dontcha think?

Nice to see Cyrus in the top ten as it expands. Once again, go see this flick, I can't say enough good things about it. It's funny, it's poignant, it's real, and it's satisfying. That's all you want out of a movie these days.

Fun Fact: I can't find a movie theater that's playing Jonah Hex anymore.

Below the radar, Love Ranch, which strs Academy Award WinnerS Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci as a husband/wife team who run a brothel in Nevada (when is Hollywood gonna stop making trite formula films like this?) opened on 11 screens and took in $63,000.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we finally can figure out what Despicable Me is supposed to be, but who really cares because fuckin' PREDATORS comes out!!!!!!!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Box Office Report: The Toys Are Back in Town! Again!

Dude here again. Yes, I love technology. But not as much as you, you see. But I still love technology. Always and forever.

Always and forever.

This weekend, toys out do grown ups, so take that popular psychology! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $59.0, 4028 screens, week 2, $226.5 total

2. Grown Ups (Sony) - $41.0, 3534 screens, week 1, $41.0 total

3. Knight & Day (Fox)- $20.5, 3098 screens, week 1, $27.7 total

4. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $15.4, 3740 screens, week 3, $135.6 total

5. The A-Team (Fox)- $6.0, 3242 screens, week 3, $62.8 total

6. Get Him To The Greek (Uni)- $3.0, 2188 screens, week 4, $54.4 total

7. Shrek Forever After (Par/DW) - $2.8, 2340 screens, week 6, $229.3 total

8. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (BV) - $2.8, 1851 screens, week 5, $86.1 total

9. Killers (LGF) $2.0, 2271 screens, week 4, $44.0 total

10. Jonah Hex (WB)- $1.6, 2825 screens, week 2, $9.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that once again, we say it in unison: All Hail Our Pixar Overlords!!!!

Oh Adam Sandler. Every time you do something brave like Funny People that fails, you make a home video of you and your buddies riffing on the big chill and you hit the jackpot. How do you do it? Personally, I'm grateful for the give and take nature of this relationship.

I want to know how many people bought tickets for Knight & Day, walked into Killers by accident, and couldn't tell the difference. someone MUST have done this. Anyway, while performing slightly better than Killers, the latest action spectacle from Tom Cruise still only did slightly better than Killers. This does not bode well for the Les Grossman project.

I'd like to once again thank the audiences of the world for making the cut and paste of this week's chart that much easier and having everything shift a spot. even though they're just killing time before the next behemoth muscles everything out of multiplexes with ease.

And the less we say about Jonah Hex, the better. At least MacGruber had the honor of being the first huge flop, and it will be remembered as the yardstick by which all others live up to. Hex might as well be forgotten.

Fun Fact: Prince of Persia is kicking ass overseas, and has surpassed Tomb Raider os most successful video game adaptation. Until Hollywood greenlights my adaptation of WAR GODS!

Below the radar, the war-doc Restrepo was released on 2 screens and took in $30,500, while Oliver Stone's doc South of the Border opened up on 1 screen and took in $21,000. For what it's worth, there seems to be a strong showing of indies and docs slowly infiltrating and entertaining folk across the country. In addition to the few that opened up this weekend, you have Please Give, Cyrus, Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work, Winter's Bone, Exit Through the Gift Shop, Micmacs, and Solitary Man. A nice antidote to the noise of summer.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, some nonsense about wolves and vampires that doesn't contain the word "Underworld". Plus the latest twisty (but not) epic from M Night Shamalamadingdong. And if we're lucky, the last possible chance to see Jonah Hex projected on a screen. Good luck, folks!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

I Come In Peace...

"And You Go In Pieces"

Fun Fact: I wore this for the "Stallone Triple Bill!" at the New Beverly, a wonderful celebration of masculinity earlier this month, that bestowed upon us a immortal line-up of action: COBRA! TANGO & CASH!! CLIFFHANGER!!!

All three films are amazing, and to view them projected on a screen again was bliss. To mark just how rad the occasion was, I joined my friends Larry and Ryan in consuming some Double Down Sandwiches.

The Verdict: They are exactly as you think they would be. Surprisingly not that greasy. Very salty. But Phil, the man who threw the Stallone Triple Bill! together commended our badassitude for eating KFC in the line before the Stallone!

This was the first event in the "CinePrince Summer of Assertive Masculinity", a series of film screenings and events celebrating the nostalgic machismo of yesterday as it once was, and what it looks like today.

This was the email I sent to my friends official press release

Summer is upon us, and with it comes movies. Movies that look awesome in their badass-itude and sheer bossomeness. We're especially blessed this summer, as there will be something badass and macho EACH MONTH this summer!!!

Now, due to certain shall-we-say zoning restrictions (a lack of chairs) the CinePrince is evolving, and will not occur at various actual cineplexes. That's right, GENUINE THEATRICAL PRESENTATIONS!!!

Here's the list of events. Don't even pretend that you don't think this is awesome:

JUNE

Stallone Triple Bill!!! - June 4th - New Beverly Cinema!! 7:30 PM, $10

COBRA!! TANGO & CASH!! CLIFFHANGER!!! This trio of flicks is sure to melt your face off.

As an extra added bonus, there is a possibility of Double Downs being consumed. Thank you KFC.

The other films are as follows. Mini-presentations of related films might be a possibility, more details as these come closer.

JULY

Fuckin PREDATORS!!!!

AUGUST

THE MOTHERFUCKIN EXPENDABLES!!!

SEPTEMBER

MACHETE!!! (I got tired of finding ways to incorporate "Fuck")

What more do you need? Can you not see that I am serious? There's no proper response other than "Yes", and maybe "This line up of cinema slightly arouses me."

If this does not interest you and you wish to be removed from this mailing list, please send me an email. Then feel shame. A lot of shame. Then smack yourself in the face, write an apology email and get your punk ass back on this email list.

Yours in masculinity,
Dolph Lundgren's....Cousin

In case anyone is curious, the screening of Expendables may involve a trip to the desert to shoot machine guns before viewing.

PS- In case anyone was wetting themselves with anticipation, The Expendables was officially rated R!

Box Office Report: Toys are Back in town!

Dude here again. Not gonna lie, a little miffed that there was an upswing in the box office. I was so pleased with all the disappointment, and the resigned shrugs and sighs we were giving the people who made movies. But then you you hit me with a one-two punch, two weeks in a row.

Sometimes I feel like I'm Job.

This weekend, toys come to life, and a comic book movie actually bombs spectacularly. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $109.0, 4028 screens, week 1, $109.0 total

2. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $29.0, 3663 screens, week 2, $106.2 total

3. The A-Team (Fox)- $13.7, 3544 screens, week 2, $49.7 total

4. Get Him To The Greek (Uni)- $6.1, 2592 screens, week 3, $47.8 total

5. Shrek Forever After (Par/DW) - $5.5, 3207 screens, week 5, $222.9 total

6. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (BV) - $5.2, 2605 screens, week 4, $80.5 total

7. Killers (LGF) $5.1, 2619 screens, week 3, $39.3 total

8. Jonah Hex (WB)- $5.0, 2825 screens, week 1, $5.0 total

9. Iron Man 2 (Par) - $2.6, 1612 screens, week 7, $304.7 total

10. Marmaduke (Fox)- $2.6, 2495 screens, week 3, $27.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Pixar is the savior of all that is good and decent. All Hail Our Pixar Overlords!!!!

(What, you're surprised? I actually wrote that immediately after writing last week's box office report. Let's be real, though, who didn't see this happening?)

Poor Jonah Hex. It's not easy to create comic book franchise tentpole pictures, people. Sometimes you get Iron Man while sometimes you get Iron Man 2. And sometimes you get Spiderman 3. (And sometimes, if we've been good, we'll get a Punisher War Zone!) The point is, nobody saw this movie, and that's kinda sad as it "Pulled a MacGruber". However, I heard it failed on every conceivable level, which instantly rockets it to the top of my must see list.

(Don't let the Pixar Overlords overhear).

Everything else might as well not even exist anymore. Sure Karate Kid gave a brief bit of life, but A-Team seems to be crashing. I don't even know what the hell a Prince of Persia is. All I know is, once again, people don't seem to change their interest in these films, which makes my formatting a breeze!

Fun Fact, Avatar is still playing on 17 screens!

Below the radar, Cyrus, quite possibly the best movie I've seen this year, opened on 4 screens to take in $180,300. That's a higher per screen average than the talking Toy picture! I can't recommend this film enough, as it delivers everything a good movie should. Make an effort to check this one out.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Tom Cruise goes head to head with Adam Sandler and the rest of the SNL cast from 1994. Sadly, that movie will make in an hour what MacGruber did in its entire run.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

What's that? You're clamoring to see that awesome Fantastic Mr. Fox Stop Motion Interview Again?

While I'm at it, did I mention that I once made Simon Pegg laugh?



Ghost: [after letting Gunnar fall from the mountain] I'm not your kind.

Hollywood Finally Gets One Right!

The lunatics braintrust responsible for this:

...are now allegedly going to make a Nic Cage sequel to a terrible Nic Cage film.

But for once, this sounds like a good idea.

Jackie Chan Hates Karate Kids

More Videos at IGN.com

Box Office Report: Salvation (again)

Dude here again. How about that World Cup, eh? Or the NBA Finals? Or The Hockey Thing. Or that oil spill that seems to be prevalent on people's Facebook status? Or anything that doesn't involve movies, because nobody seems to care about those anymore.

No, wait, I'm wrong again.

This weekend, a movie met and exceeded expectations and brought a burst of air to Hollywood's slowly deflating collective ego. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $56.0, 3663 screens, week 1, $56.0 total

2. The A-Team (Fox)- $26.0, 3535 screens, week 1, $26.0 total

3. Shrek Forever After (Par/DW) - $15.8, 3868 screens, week 4, $210.0 total

4. Get Him To The Greek (Uni)- $10.1, 2702 screens, week 2, $36.5 total

5. Killers (LGF) $8.1, 2859 screens, week 2, $30.6 total

6. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (BV) - $6.6, 3108 screens, week 3, $72.3 total

7. Marmaduke (Fox)- $6.0, 3213 screens, week 2, $22.2 total

8. Sex and the City 2 (WB)- $5.5, 2750 screens, week 3, $84.7 total

9. Iron Man 2 (Par) - $4.5, 2305 screens, week 6, $299.3 total

10. Splice (WB)- $2.8, 2450 screens, week 2, $13.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that The Karate Kid has still got it! Despite the misleading title (the kid learns kung fu!), the film went to make far more than anyone predicted, going so far as to make back its budget in three days. It also proves that it is indeed the best (cha) around! Nothing's ever gonna take it down!

(Fun Fact: Last evening I went to the Golf 'n Stuff they filmed the original at! It was the coolest place on Earth!)

The A-Team had an impressive debut, but given the cost and the hype, should have done better. This being the summer that it is, though, anything can happen. And what once seemed like a surefire bet plucking the talent from last years sleeper hits (Taken, Hangover, District 9) and blowing things up around them, has now turned into a cautionary tale of mediocrity.

I'm quite pleased that a lot of the rest of the top ten remained virtually unchanged, making it an easy week for me to show declining numbers of disappointing Hollywood product. I like calling it product. Reminds of cheese product. Eww.

Below the radar, Winter's Bone, which is sadly not a porn, opened on 4 screens to take in $85,400.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, it's Pixar to the rescue. How amazing is Pixar? So amazing that when I type the word, it's already registered in SpellCheck! Also Jonah Hex opens, but if nobody sees it. will it have opened? Find out next week!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

JAX WINS....

FLAWLESS VICTORY



So this is allegedly a promo for a real movie? If so, it's awesome. Looks like Michael Jai White is in charge of things. That man is terrific.

I want to see this. RIGHT NOW.