Box Office Report: Christ (opherNolan) Saves

Dude here again. I'm starting to question my status as The Dude. There are several other dudes out there, far more dude-like than I, and I'm thinking maybe perhaps my time as The Dude is up. Maybe it's time to move on and find a new name.

Or maybe I just need to drink more cough syrup in the mornings. Less?

This weekend, the alleged savior of of summer films hath arrived. did it meet expectations? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Inception (WB)- $60.4, 3792 screens, week 1, $60.4 total

2. Despicable Me (Uni)- $32.7, 3501 screens, week 2, $118.3 total

3. The Sorcerer's Apprentice (BV)- $17.3, 3504 screens, week 1, $24.4 total (Wed Open)

4. Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Sum) - $13.5, 4001 screens, week 3, $264.9 total

5. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $11.7, 3177 screens, week 5, $362.7 total

6. Grown Ups (Sony) - $10.0, 3074 screens, week 4, $129.2 total

7. The Last Airbender (Par) $7.4, 2805 screens, week 3, $114.8 total

8. Predators (Fox) - $6.8, 2669 screens, week 2, $40.0 total

9. Knight & Day (Fox)- $3.7, 1925 screens, week 4, $69.2 total

10. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $2.2, 1532 screens, week 6, $169.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that everybody who thought Christopher Nolan's Inception would be movie that turned things right at the box office, and maybe cleaned up all that oil in the gulf while it was at it, could be right. An impressive $60 million take for an unproven idea that allegedly takes some thinking to enjoy, is nice. Next week, however, will show if it has the legs to become something legendary, or just something to pass the time.

Nicolas Cage tries to pay back a portion of his debt with another family friendly Disney flick, but comes a little short of the National Treasure numbers. I just hope the man gives another batshit crazy Nic Cage performance in it. Because that's all I want from movies anymore.

Toy Story 3 has gone to become the highest grossing flick of the year thus far. Twilight 3, not as much. Grown Ups, what the hell is going on there? I forgot that movie exists. Blah blah.

Fun Fact: in last week's column, I ignorantly dismissed the "badassitude" of Adrien Brody in Predators. Having now seen the film, I can attest, dude rocks the shit out of this movie.

Below the radar, there's something called Standing Ovation. It was released on 623 screens and took in $361,000. I can't find any other information on this movie, so I'm choosing to believe it is a religious picture, the kind that come out of nowhere and make more money than Jonah Hex. (5 weeks later, not even playing, but I'm keeping the Hex love alive, people)

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we get to shake on some Salt! And Ramona and Beezus, too!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

This says it all

Box Office Report: Despicable edition

Dude here again. You know, I get knocked down. But I get up again. You ain't ever gonna keep me down. I drink a whiskey drink, I drink a vodka drink. I drink a cider drink, and I drink a lager drink. I sing a song that reminds me of the bad times.

I sing a song that reminds me of the better times.

This weekend, mysterious advertising techniques propels animated glee to the top of the pack, while the most boring love triangle in cinematic history continues to suck money out of pockets. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Despicable Me (Uni)- $60.1, 3476 screens, week 1, $60.1 total

2. Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Sum) - $33.4, 4468 screens, week 2, $237.0 total

3. Predators (Fox) - $25.3, 2669 screens, week 1, $25.3 total

4. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $22.0, 3753 screens, week 4, $340.2 total

5. The Last Airbender (Par) $17.1, 3203 screens, week 2, $100.2 total

6. Grown Ups (Sony) - $16.4, 3463 screens, week 3, $111.3 total

7. Knight & Day (Fox)- $7.8, 2628 screens, week 3, $61.9 total

8. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $5.7, 2458 screens, week 5, $164.6 total

9. The A-Team (Fox)- $1.8, 1236 screens, week 5, $73.9 total

10. Cyrus (FoxS)- $1.3, 200 screens, week 4, $3.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that almost any animated movie that's released in 3-D will do well, even with inexplicable advertising. Seriously, until I read a review this week, I had no idea what the hell the movie was about. There are weird little yellow guys, a preview where the guy hijacks a pyramid… all stuff out of my drunken nightmares. Anyway, it did very well, as the good reviews probably didn't hurt.

Fox finally answered my letters and gave us another Predator movie, this time replacing the strong Arnold Schwarzenegger or the stoic Danny Glover with Adrien Brody and the guy from That 70s Show. (Though, truth be told Trejo and Walt Goggons from The Shield and Justified are also in it, so that makes up for the badassitude). Anyway, it did A-Team and Knight & Day numbers, but will most likely turn out to be one of the more profitable flicks Fox has this summer. (Sorry A-Team and Knight and Day).

Twilight continues its train of mediocrity while crossing the $200 million mark. You know, that's the one thing I don't like about the Twihards is how quickly they stop seeing the movie in theaters. Sure, they bombarded the multiplexes last week, but this week there are tame numbers. You're not trying, people.

Fun Fact: The "Grease Sing-A-Long" Version was released this week, and blame for that falls squarely on Glee. At least it wasn't in 3-D.

Below the radar, The Girl Who Played With Fire, the sequel to the the hit Girl With The Dragon Tattoo that opened up a few months ago (and will be remade in English in the near future because I hate subtitles) opened up on 85 screens to take in $965,000. Also, The Kids Are Alright, which seems to be the second best reviewed movie of the year (After the dead heat unity between Toy Story 3 and MacGruber) opened on 7 screens and took in $505,000, with a $72,000 per screen average which is the highest of all this week.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Inception is finally released in an attempt to satisfy those of us who have been hyping it up as the greatest movie this summer can offer. Plus, a Nic Cage movie that features him with ridiculous hair.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Winning Video Games

Here's what video games would look like if they were SUPER easy. 

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

(Thanks to Geekologie for pointing this out)

It's... Arrested Development

This is no mere illusion.

What's that? You're clamoring to see the world from a Turtle's Point of View?!?

Leonard 'Bones' McCoy: Don't pander to me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. Solar flare might crop up, cook us in our seats. And wait till you're sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles, see if you're so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence.

What's that? You need to see a picture of Bill Pullman from Lost Highway?

"No, no, no, no, no. After me."

Karl Urban as Munder, in the hit motion picture Ghost Ship

Box Office Report: Vampires V Werewolves, but not nearly as cool as it sounds. Again.

Dude here again. Doing what President Bill Pullman told us to do fourteen years ago when the world united to stop our alien oppressors., then murdered my wife in one reality while in another Robert Loggia beats up a dude for tailgating and… That's not the right movie is it?

Sorry, I'm thinking of Spaceballs.

This weekend, Twihards come out to show nerds how it's done! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Sum) - $69.8, 4468 screens, week 1, $161.0 total (Wed Open)

2. The Last Airbender (Par) $40.6, 3169 screens, week 1, $57.0 total (Thurs Open)

3. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $30.1, 4028 screens, week 3, $289.0 total

4. Grown Ups (Sony) - $18.5, 3534 screens, week 2, $77.0 total

5. Knight & Day (Fox)- $10.2, 3104 screens, week 2, $45.5 total

6. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $8.0, 3109 screens, week 4, $151.5 total

7. The A-Team (Fox)- $3.0, 2153 screens, week 4, $69.1 total

8. Get Him To The Greek (Uni)- $1.1, 884 screens, week 5, $57.4 total

9. Shrek Forever After (Par/DW) - $0.79, 957 screens, week 7, $232.1 total

10. Cyrus (FoxS)- $0.77, 77 screens, week 3, $1.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that loud sigh of disappointment you heard around the world was me. With maybe my friend Larry thrown in there a bit, too.

Kudos to The Last Airbender, which suffered the slings and arrows of fanboy outrage at casting choices, an allegedly horrendous 3-D conversion, and the worst reviews this side of Sex and the City 2, to take in an impressive $50 plus million in four days. M. Night Shyamalan still has something.

Other wise, everything is about normal. Toy Story continues doing what it does best. As does Adam Sandler. Knight and Day isn't too impressive, but to continue my Killers analogy from last week, they are mere dollars apart in total gross right now. Isn't it Alanis ironic? Dontcha think?

Nice to see Cyrus in the top ten as it expands. Once again, go see this flick, I can't say enough good things about it. It's funny, it's poignant, it's real, and it's satisfying. That's all you want out of a movie these days.

Fun Fact: I can't find a movie theater that's playing Jonah Hex anymore.

Below the radar, Love Ranch, which strs Academy Award WinnerS Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci as a husband/wife team who run a brothel in Nevada (when is Hollywood gonna stop making trite formula films like this?) opened on 11 screens and took in $63,000.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we finally can figure out what Despicable Me is supposed to be, but who really cares because fuckin' PREDATORS comes out!!!!!!!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Box Office Report: The Toys Are Back in Town! Again!

Dude here again. Yes, I love technology. But not as much as you, you see. But I still love technology. Always and forever.

Always and forever.

This weekend, toys out do grown ups, so take that popular psychology! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $59.0, 4028 screens, week 2, $226.5 total

2. Grown Ups (Sony) - $41.0, 3534 screens, week 1, $41.0 total

3. Knight & Day (Fox)- $20.5, 3098 screens, week 1, $27.7 total

4. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $15.4, 3740 screens, week 3, $135.6 total

5. The A-Team (Fox)- $6.0, 3242 screens, week 3, $62.8 total

6. Get Him To The Greek (Uni)- $3.0, 2188 screens, week 4, $54.4 total

7. Shrek Forever After (Par/DW) - $2.8, 2340 screens, week 6, $229.3 total

8. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (BV) - $2.8, 1851 screens, week 5, $86.1 total

9. Killers (LGF) $2.0, 2271 screens, week 4, $44.0 total

10. Jonah Hex (WB)- $1.6, 2825 screens, week 2, $9.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that once again, we say it in unison: All Hail Our Pixar Overlords!!!!

Oh Adam Sandler. Every time you do something brave like Funny People that fails, you make a home video of you and your buddies riffing on the big chill and you hit the jackpot. How do you do it? Personally, I'm grateful for the give and take nature of this relationship.

I want to know how many people bought tickets for Knight & Day, walked into Killers by accident, and couldn't tell the difference. someone MUST have done this. Anyway, while performing slightly better than Killers, the latest action spectacle from Tom Cruise still only did slightly better than Killers. This does not bode well for the Les Grossman project.

I'd like to once again thank the audiences of the world for making the cut and paste of this week's chart that much easier and having everything shift a spot. even though they're just killing time before the next behemoth muscles everything out of multiplexes with ease.

And the less we say about Jonah Hex, the better. At least MacGruber had the honor of being the first huge flop, and it will be remembered as the yardstick by which all others live up to. Hex might as well be forgotten.

Fun Fact: Prince of Persia is kicking ass overseas, and has surpassed Tomb Raider os most successful video game adaptation. Until Hollywood greenlights my adaptation of WAR GODS!

Below the radar, the war-doc Restrepo was released on 2 screens and took in $30,500, while Oliver Stone's doc South of the Border opened up on 1 screen and took in $21,000. For what it's worth, there seems to be a strong showing of indies and docs slowly infiltrating and entertaining folk across the country. In addition to the few that opened up this weekend, you have Please Give, Cyrus, Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work, Winter's Bone, Exit Through the Gift Shop, Micmacs, and Solitary Man. A nice antidote to the noise of summer.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, some nonsense about wolves and vampires that doesn't contain the word "Underworld". Plus the latest twisty (but not) epic from M Night Shamalamadingdong. And if we're lucky, the last possible chance to see Jonah Hex projected on a screen. Good luck, folks!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

I Come In Peace...

"And You Go In Pieces"

Fun Fact: I wore this for the "Stallone Triple Bill!" at the New Beverly, a wonderful celebration of masculinity earlier this month, that bestowed upon us a immortal line-up of action: COBRA! TANGO & CASH!! CLIFFHANGER!!!

All three films are amazing, and to view them projected on a screen again was bliss. To mark just how rad the occasion was, I joined my friends Larry and Ryan in consuming some Double Down Sandwiches.

The Verdict: They are exactly as you think they would be. Surprisingly not that greasy. Very salty. But Phil, the man who threw the Stallone Triple Bill! together commended our badassitude for eating KFC in the line before the Stallone!

This was the first event in the "CinePrince Summer of Assertive Masculinity", a series of film screenings and events celebrating the nostalgic machismo of yesterday as it once was, and what it looks like today.

This was the email I sent to my friends official press release

Summer is upon us, and with it comes movies. Movies that look awesome in their badass-itude and sheer bossomeness. We're especially blessed this summer, as there will be something badass and macho EACH MONTH this summer!!!

Now, due to certain shall-we-say zoning restrictions (a lack of chairs) the CinePrince is evolving, and will not occur at various actual cineplexes. That's right, GENUINE THEATRICAL PRESENTATIONS!!!

Here's the list of events. Don't even pretend that you don't think this is awesome:

JUNE

Stallone Triple Bill!!! - June 4th - New Beverly Cinema!! 7:30 PM, $10

COBRA!! TANGO & CASH!! CLIFFHANGER!!! This trio of flicks is sure to melt your face off.

As an extra added bonus, there is a possibility of Double Downs being consumed. Thank you KFC.

The other films are as follows. Mini-presentations of related films might be a possibility, more details as these come closer.

JULY

Fuckin PREDATORS!!!!

AUGUST

THE MOTHERFUCKIN EXPENDABLES!!!

SEPTEMBER

MACHETE!!! (I got tired of finding ways to incorporate "Fuck")

What more do you need? Can you not see that I am serious? There's no proper response other than "Yes", and maybe "This line up of cinema slightly arouses me."

If this does not interest you and you wish to be removed from this mailing list, please send me an email. Then feel shame. A lot of shame. Then smack yourself in the face, write an apology email and get your punk ass back on this email list.

Yours in masculinity,
Dolph Lundgren's....Cousin

In case anyone is curious, the screening of Expendables may involve a trip to the desert to shoot machine guns before viewing.

PS- In case anyone was wetting themselves with anticipation, The Expendables was officially rated R!

Box Office Report: Toys are Back in town!

Dude here again. Not gonna lie, a little miffed that there was an upswing in the box office. I was so pleased with all the disappointment, and the resigned shrugs and sighs we were giving the people who made movies. But then you you hit me with a one-two punch, two weeks in a row.

Sometimes I feel like I'm Job.

This weekend, toys come to life, and a comic book movie actually bombs spectacularly. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $109.0, 4028 screens, week 1, $109.0 total

2. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $29.0, 3663 screens, week 2, $106.2 total

3. The A-Team (Fox)- $13.7, 3544 screens, week 2, $49.7 total

4. Get Him To The Greek (Uni)- $6.1, 2592 screens, week 3, $47.8 total

5. Shrek Forever After (Par/DW) - $5.5, 3207 screens, week 5, $222.9 total

6. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (BV) - $5.2, 2605 screens, week 4, $80.5 total

7. Killers (LGF) $5.1, 2619 screens, week 3, $39.3 total

8. Jonah Hex (WB)- $5.0, 2825 screens, week 1, $5.0 total

9. Iron Man 2 (Par) - $2.6, 1612 screens, week 7, $304.7 total

10. Marmaduke (Fox)- $2.6, 2495 screens, week 3, $27.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Pixar is the savior of all that is good and decent. All Hail Our Pixar Overlords!!!!

(What, you're surprised? I actually wrote that immediately after writing last week's box office report. Let's be real, though, who didn't see this happening?)

Poor Jonah Hex. It's not easy to create comic book franchise tentpole pictures, people. Sometimes you get Iron Man while sometimes you get Iron Man 2. And sometimes you get Spiderman 3. (And sometimes, if we've been good, we'll get a Punisher War Zone!) The point is, nobody saw this movie, and that's kinda sad as it "Pulled a MacGruber". However, I heard it failed on every conceivable level, which instantly rockets it to the top of my must see list.

(Don't let the Pixar Overlords overhear).

Everything else might as well not even exist anymore. Sure Karate Kid gave a brief bit of life, but A-Team seems to be crashing. I don't even know what the hell a Prince of Persia is. All I know is, once again, people don't seem to change their interest in these films, which makes my formatting a breeze!

Fun Fact, Avatar is still playing on 17 screens!

Below the radar, Cyrus, quite possibly the best movie I've seen this year, opened on 4 screens to take in $180,300. That's a higher per screen average than the talking Toy picture! I can't recommend this film enough, as it delivers everything a good movie should. Make an effort to check this one out.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Tom Cruise goes head to head with Adam Sandler and the rest of the SNL cast from 1994. Sadly, that movie will make in an hour what MacGruber did in its entire run.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

What's that? You're clamoring to see that awesome Fantastic Mr. Fox Stop Motion Interview Again?

While I'm at it, did I mention that I once made Simon Pegg laugh?



Ghost: [after letting Gunnar fall from the mountain] I'm not your kind.

Hollywood Finally Gets One Right!

The lunatics braintrust responsible for this:

...are now allegedly going to make a Nic Cage sequel to a terrible Nic Cage film.

But for once, this sounds like a good idea.

Jackie Chan Hates Karate Kids

More Videos at IGN.com

Box Office Report: Salvation (again)

Dude here again. How about that World Cup, eh? Or the NBA Finals? Or The Hockey Thing. Or that oil spill that seems to be prevalent on people's Facebook status? Or anything that doesn't involve movies, because nobody seems to care about those anymore.

No, wait, I'm wrong again.

This weekend, a movie met and exceeded expectations and brought a burst of air to Hollywood's slowly deflating collective ego. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. The Karate Kid (Sony) - $56.0, 3663 screens, week 1, $56.0 total

2. The A-Team (Fox)- $26.0, 3535 screens, week 1, $26.0 total

3. Shrek Forever After (Par/DW) - $15.8, 3868 screens, week 4, $210.0 total

4. Get Him To The Greek (Uni)- $10.1, 2702 screens, week 2, $36.5 total

5. Killers (LGF) $8.1, 2859 screens, week 2, $30.6 total

6. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (BV) - $6.6, 3108 screens, week 3, $72.3 total

7. Marmaduke (Fox)- $6.0, 3213 screens, week 2, $22.2 total

8. Sex and the City 2 (WB)- $5.5, 2750 screens, week 3, $84.7 total

9. Iron Man 2 (Par) - $4.5, 2305 screens, week 6, $299.3 total

10. Splice (WB)- $2.8, 2450 screens, week 2, $13.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that The Karate Kid has still got it! Despite the misleading title (the kid learns kung fu!), the film went to make far more than anyone predicted, going so far as to make back its budget in three days. It also proves that it is indeed the best (cha) around! Nothing's ever gonna take it down!

(Fun Fact: Last evening I went to the Golf 'n Stuff they filmed the original at! It was the coolest place on Earth!)

The A-Team had an impressive debut, but given the cost and the hype, should have done better. This being the summer that it is, though, anything can happen. And what once seemed like a surefire bet plucking the talent from last years sleeper hits (Taken, Hangover, District 9) and blowing things up around them, has now turned into a cautionary tale of mediocrity.

I'm quite pleased that a lot of the rest of the top ten remained virtually unchanged, making it an easy week for me to show declining numbers of disappointing Hollywood product. I like calling it product. Reminds of cheese product. Eww.

Below the radar, Winter's Bone, which is sadly not a porn, opened on 4 screens to take in $85,400.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, it's Pixar to the rescue. How amazing is Pixar? So amazing that when I type the word, it's already registered in SpellCheck! Also Jonah Hex opens, but if nobody sees it. will it have opened? Find out next week!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

JAX WINS....

FLAWLESS VICTORY



So this is allegedly a promo for a real movie? If so, it's awesome. Looks like Michael Jai White is in charge of things. That man is terrific.

I want to see this. RIGHT NOW.

Box Office Report: Another boring weekend of disapointment.

Dude here again. These numbers are disappointing, people. It's like we're not trying to keep Hollywood afloat. How are we gonna get more transforming robot pictures made if we don't support the smaller things?

For what it's worth, though, I'm freakishly enjoying this.

This weekend, four movies go heat-to-head-to-head-to-head but not really as Shrek yawns to first place. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Shrek Forever After (Par/DW) - $25.3, 4386 screens, week 3, $183.0 total

2. Get Him To The Greek (Uni)- $17.4, 2697 screens, week 1, $17.4 total

3. Killers (LGF) $16.1, 2859 screens, week 1, $16.1 total

4. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (BV) - $13.8, 3646 screens, week 2, $59.4 total

5. Sex and the City 2 (WB)- $12.6, 3445 screens, week 2, $73.4 total

6. Marmaduke (Fox)- $11.3, 3213 screens, week 1, $11.3 total

7. Iron Man 2 (Par) - $7.7, 3007 screens, week 5, $291.2 total

8. Splice (WB)- $7.4, 2450 screens, week 1, $7.4 total

9. Robin Hood (Uni) - $5.1, 2599 screens, week 4, $94.2 total

10. Letters to Juliet (Sum)- $3.0, 1962 screens, week 4, $43.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that more people cared to see Shrek than any other movie that's out there. Is it inflated.. oh who cares?

I'm glad that Get Him To The Greek found a sizable enough audience, but so did Killers. And I want you to think about what this means. We've allowed both Russell Brand and Katherine Heigl to continue being in movies for a little while longer. But only for a little bit, those aren't great numbers for June.

Well, maybe for June 1993! BURN!

Nobody's going to see Marmaduke, eh? My buddy Larry went to the midnight show of it. Said it was "SUPERB" and that it ended with a dog farting and winking at the camera. Grade-A cinema, though not as great as Furry Vengeance, where a raccoon urinates on Brendan Fraser.

Tough break, Splice. You can take comfort in knowing at least you're not MacGruber, (which dropped a whopping 93% from last weekend). Or any of the other alleged "blockbusters" which are doing okay, but not nearly as good as anybody was predicting.

Below the radar, Raajneeti was unleashed upon 124 screens, and took in $917,000 to come in 11th place. It also has the highest per screen average of the week. Take that Fat Bast… I mean Shrek.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, the box office has a problem, so hopefully The A-Team can solve it. (I wanted to quote the whole opening from the show, but I've got too much else to do today to even bother searching, cutting and pasting).

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

A Printer Made of Legos?!?!

Why, I never...






(Thanks to Geekologie for pointing me in the direction of this one).

I've gone and written more reviews!

Yeah, that's right. I went ahead and wrote some things of movies I saw. In case you missed it, I did put an Iron Man 2 review underneath the Hall and Oates post a few weeks back, but now I have a MacGruber, a Survival of the Dead AND a Mystery Team!

Not only that, but I was asked to conjure up a tale of why I would rather not sit through either Sex and the City 2 OR any other Twilight movie.

And because I like R. Bill Mountain so much, here's my thought pattern while watching Robin Hood!

Robin Hood

Be less stupid. You're making Clash of the Titans seem coherent.

Why does every map on screen have to burn up? Bonanza was like fifty years ago.

WHOA! Cate Blanchett is on that battle field alongside Robin! HOLY SHIT!!! How liberal for a 40-something woman to take up arms in battle in the 13th century. Or something. HOLY SHIT!!!*

Remember when you saw Phantom Menace, and you were excited about the things could happen, and then the movie began and it was all about taxation and franchise routes? That's exactly what this Robin Hood is like.
It's a whole lot of who cares.

Why didn't they make the movie where Nottingham was sympathetic and Robin Hood was the douche? That would've been a better movie. Better than this nonsense.

(But the opening was really cool. And Russell Crowe is badass, if way too old.)

*TRUE STORY- Watching this in the theater with Dan, when that scene happened and Blanchett revealed herself, I had THE GREATEST silent look of faux-shock on my face that cracked Dan up for a good two minutes straight.

"He is not a man. He's the holy Half-Dead who has seen the UnderVerse. "

-Lord Vaako

Box Office Report: In Memorium...uh, Day

Dude here again. Another disappointing holiday weekend has been bestowed upon us, full of motion pictures that disappoint both the studios that makes them and the audiences that see them. But that doesn't mean I can't slack off and tell you about the things that are disappointing.

Although, that would bring everything around full circle, in a never-ending ring of disappointment.

This weekend, it's 2004 all over again as a Jake Gylenhaal movie tries to take away from the Shrek juggernaut. Only with less impressive numbers this time around. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Tuesday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Shrek Forever After (Par/DW) - $55.7, 4367 screens, week 2, $145.4 total

2. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time (BV) - $37.8, 3646 screens, week 1, $37.8 total

3. Sex and the City 2 (WB)- $37.1, 3445 screens, week 1, $51.3 total (Thurs Open)

4. Iron Man 2 (Par) - $20.6, 3804 screens, week 4, $279.1 total

5. Robin Hood (Uni) - $13.6, 3373 screens, week 3, $86.3 total

6. Letters to Juliet (Sum)- $7.2, 2825 screens, week 3, $37.9 total

7. Just Wright (FoxS)- $2.7, 1195 screens, week 3, $18.6 total

8. Date Night (Fox)- $2.2, 1126 screens, week 8, $93.9 total

9. MacGruber (Uni)- $1.9, 2546 screens, week 2, $7.5 total

10. How To Train Your Dragon (Par/DW) $1.4, 825 screens, week 10, $213.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Shrek continues on, attracting the kiddies and the parents on this long weekend. But not as many as previous incarnations. Could it be that people are sick of Shrek? Or of inflated movie prices? Did we give all our money to Avatar? Or are we as a culture developing taste?

More questions abound as we look at the other new releases this week. Prince of Persia would have had a very impressive debut, if this were August. Alas, this is Memorial Day weekend, and considering the price tag on this one, this is not so good. Yes, it received decent positive reviews, but my old roommate claimed it "boring". And as I've mentioned time and time again, when that guy doesn't like things, you KNOW it's probably bad. (Except Gentleman Broncos, he's way off on that).

And Sex and the City. I feel too much vitriol has been spent on that one, with far more clever people saying far more clever things than I could even be bothered to come up with. Still, Given that Sex opened on Thursday, and it is now a holiday weekend, and it's made almost as much as the original did in 3 days… well, you do the math.

NOthing much to note about the other deflating numbers of the big ticket items. IRon Man, Robin Hood, blah blah blah. But in all seriousness, let's hope that Date NIght continues chugging along to that $100 million goal, eh?

Below the radar, the latest from Jean-Pierre Juenet, Micmacs, opened up on 4 screens and took in $56,700. Impressive, but Agora opened on 2 screens and took in $43,200 bringing it the highest per screen average of all this weekend. Also, for some perspective, they re-released Breathless to the tune of $41,000. Now you know, and knowing is had that battle.

(The other half involves violence).

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, four mid-sized films try to change my opinion on this newly minted Summer of Disappointment! (Splice is one of those flicks, which gives hope, but the other movies are Killers with Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl, and Marmaduke. If you listen carefully, you can hear me sigh from  wherever you are.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

What's that? You're clamoring to see that awesome First-Person-Shooter sequence from Doom?

Lucky you found me, then.



Such an amazing sequence for such a stupid movie.

"If they're so smart, how come they're so dead?" - Karl Urban

Box Office Report: Who cares, Lost ends tonight!

Dude here again. Movies are what I talk about here, but with such a lackluster summer of movies that aren't very good, I feel obliged to remind everybody that Lost ends this evening. And I'm sure that many executives would love to consider this as the reason for lowered box office numbers.

And not the fact that they're making really crappy movies.

This weekend, a complete lack of surprise of an animated 3-D movie comes out and disappoints. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Shrek Forever After (Par/DW) - $71.2, 4359 screens, week 1, $71.2 total

2. Iron Man 2 (Par) - $26.6, 4177 screens, week 3, $251.2 total

3. Robin Hood (Uni) - $18.7, 3505 screens, week 2, $66.1 total

4. Letters to Juliet (Sum)- $9.1, 2975 screens, week 2, $27.4 total

5. Just Wright (FoxS)- $4.2, 1831 screens, week 2, $14.6 total

6. MacGruber (Uni)- $4.1, 2551 screens, week 1, $4.1 total

7. Date Night (Fox)- $2.8, 1869 screens, week 7, $90.6 total

8. Nightmare on Elm Street (WB) - $2.2, 2125 screens, week 4, $59.9 total

9. How To Train Your Dragon (Par/DW) $1.8, 1751 screens, week 9, $210.9 total

10. Kites (Relbig)- $1.0, 208 screens, week 1, $1.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Shrek has become some sort of cultural obligation. It also means that if you were 5 or so when the original came out, and loved it you are now a teenager, and have no use for such films. Oh, and they raised some 3-D prices for shows of this Shrek, and it still managed to disappoint.

But nothing is as disappointing as the performance of MacGruber. The first SNL based film since The Ladies Man nearly a decade ago, MacGruber truly failed to find any sort of audience. This saddens me, as I was convinced MacGruber would be a huge sleeper hit, and it was the only movie after The Expendables that I wanted to see this summer. Maybe I should name this summer "Summer of Massive Disappointment.

Something called Kites opened in tenth place. Impressive. I believe it's a foreign film of some sort. Indian, maybe? But I'm too lazy to actually bother doing the legwork on this one, so I'll just leave this with a simple Jai Ho!

Everything else is dropping steadily into obscurity. Iron Man 2 will probably surpass the original's take, but not by much. Robin Hood is lucky for foreign grosses. Letters to Juliet and Just Wright, however, seem to be holding steady, which means there is still hope that all movies are not explosions and CGI and just two hour commercials for a movie that's 2 years away.

(That's right, Marvel FIlms, I'm calling you out for making a crappy sequel just to make one big movie. Screw you, I want my money back).

Below the radar, Solitary Man opened on 4 screens, and took in $89,000 for a per screen average higher than Shrek's. Racing Dreams also opened up on 33 screens, and took in $21,500. I have no idea what this movie is about, but it sounds like one of those fake titles for movies that Seinfeld and his gang would see.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, men will be powerless against Sex and the City 2! And Prince of Persia, starring one of the whitest dudes in the world.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

WERE YOU AWARE...

...that New Jersey has an official state dinosaur?

It's the Hadrosaurus foulkii!

And now you know!

Bullies From the 80s.

I'm disturbed by how many of these I remembered seeing. And by how many times they used the same guys in all the movies.

But I'm NOT disturbed by how awesome Val Kilmer is. That man's a national treasure.

Box Office Report: Iron Redux UPDATED

UPDATE: It's with great sadness I report that it was indeed confirmed. RIP Dio.

Dude here again. I feel that I need to set the record straight on a topic unrelated to Box Office numbers. There are rumors abound the interwebs that Ronnie James Dio had passed on. These are false. He is merely hospitalized. There is nothing to fear. But please don't be spreading these terrible rumors, and ruining my Sunday brunch with them. 

Like a rainbow in the dark.

This weekend, more money is thrown about casually in no effort to produce any sort of entertaining motion picture. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Iron Man 2 (Par) - $53.0, 4390 screens, week 2, $212.1 total

2. Robin Hood (Uni) - $37.1, 3503 screens, week 1, $37.1 total

3. Letters to Juliet (Sum)- $13.7, 2968 screens, week 1, $13.7 total

4. Just Wright (FoxS)- $8.5, 1831 screens, week 1, $8.5 total

5. How To Train Your Dragon (Par/DW) $5.1, 2620 screens, week 8, $207.7 total

6. Nightmare on Elm Street (WB) - $4.7, 3075 screens, week 3, $56.1 total

7. Date Night (Fox)- $4.0, 2481 screens, week 6, $86.6 total

8. The Back-Up Plan (CBS) - $2.4, 2497 screens, week 4, $34.2 total

9. Furry Vengeance (Sum)- $2.3, 2695 screens, week 3, $15.1 total

10. Clash of the Titans (WB)- $1.2, 1300 screens, week 7, $160.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means Iron Man 2 once again duped people into giving more money, but nowhere near as much as last weekend. It's sort of amazing that Iron Man 2 is following practically the same trajectory as its predecessor, especially since both movies are pretty much exactly the same.

Oh, we get another Robin Hood movie, huh? Casting the ever-so-youthful 40-something Russell Crowe in a Robin Hood tale set years before the "legend" (thanks, rebooting and prequels!) and one time Academy Award Winner and two time mother Cate Blanchett as Maid Marian, Ridley Scott's Maximus Hood managed to take a fair amount of money given the bad word of mouth from such wise asses as myself. Watch for a steep drop and no chance in hell of recouping the alleged $237 million budget.

Letters To Juliet tried to do the counter programming thing and took in a fair amount of money, but more importantly it probably helped a handful of teen boys get to second base when they agreed to see it over Robin Hood.

And Just Wright… You know, I have too much respect for Queen Latifah to callously mock this film. Good job, Queen!

Below the radar, a Hawaiian historical fiction film called Princess Kaiulani opened to $185,000 on 33 screens. And a film called The Living Wake, which is allegedly phenomenal, opened on one screen to take in a whopping $4800. What do you want, folks, the indies aren't stepping it up in the counter programming against the big boys like they used to.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we're brought another Shrek movie upon ourselves. And Macgruber, which just looks fantastic.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

They Finally Answered My Letters!!!!

First the thing about RZA getting to direct his own movie, and now the wonderful news that we'll get to see Van Damme fight Dolph... IN 3-D!!!!!

I can't believe it took this long to actually happen, but Im glad to live in a world that allows this. Now all we need is Crank 3-D, and I'm sold.

Flarhgunnstow

It's been making the interweb rounds, but this makes me laugh everytime.

F@#k it, let's enjoy some Hall and Oates!

Why? Because it's the start of the week!



And because Hall and Oates fuckin rock!



I'm not being sarcastic, either. At first, long ago, I was. But much like Billy Joel, I came around and realized how truly awesome Hall and Oates are.



Don't even try to deny it.



Oh, and here's my Iron Man 2 review.

Box Office Report: Man of Iron Edition 2

Dude here again. It's Mother's Day in addition to something else I got going on today. So you get another truncated (read: lazy) report. But I like to think that if Hollywood is going to churn out the same crap summer after summer, without regard for quality of product, that's how I'm gonna roll.

For this week, at least.

This weekend, in a shock to nobody, that man of iron took a lot of your money. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Iron Man 2 (Par) - $133.6, 4380 screens, week 1, $133.6 total

2. Nightmare on Elm Street (WB) - $9.1, 3332 screens, week 2, $48.5 total

3. How To Train Your Dragon (Par/DW) $6.7, 3003 screens, week 7, $201.0 total

4. Date Night (Fox)- $5.3, 2734 screens, week 5, $80.8 total

5. The Back-Up Plan (CBS) - $4.3, 3003 screens, week 3, $29.4 total

6. Furry Vengeance (Sum)- $4.0, 3002 screens, week 2, $11.6 total

7. Clash of the Titans (WB)- $2.3, 2157 screens, week 6, $157.8 total

8. Death at a Funeral (ScrGms) - $2.1, 1706 screens, week 4, $38.3 total

9. The Losers (WB)- $1.8, 2450 screens, week 3, $21.4 total

10. Babies (Focus)- $1.5, 534 screens, week 1, $1.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it's pretty apparent that Iron Man made a ridiculous amount of money but did so without breaking any records. How does a film manage to be an enormous financial success AND kind of a disappointment? Only Iron Man knows for sure.

Oh, and Babies opened up. Which was a movie about babies.

Also, look how steep the drop on Nightmare on Elm Street dropped. Sad, isn't it? Think about that before purchasing your 3-D ticket for the sequel next summer.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week more disappointing movies.

Until next weekend.... Happy Mother's Day, mom!

(Looks kinda like Yoda, doesn't it?)

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Is there a movie with an iron man coming out soon?

I haven't heard anything about it.

Other people's reviews of things they've seen

I've seen a few flicks, but haven't gotten the reviews written.

But after reading this review of the upcoming film "Babies", I don't know if there's a point in writing any reviews anymore.

Written discussions of things I've recently viewed.

I've seen some movies recently. I've only written one proper review, and that was for The Human Centipede, which is as dumb and disgusting as it sounds.

In the interest of those films I didn't write proper reviews for, here are the random thoughts that went through my head as I saw the following:

Greenberg
Man, this is full of miserable assholes who insist on going to Trader Joe's AND Farmers' Markets.

This is a movie about white people problems.

Why is anybody answering their phone when this asshole calls?

Rhys Ifans is really good.

(By the way, for a fun time, see what happens when you put Greenberg into google image search, and you wind up getting an interesting summation of the movie.)


The Losers

This is pretty solid. Everybody in this is solid.

Holy crap, did they just destroy that helicopter full of kids?!?

How is Jason Patric getting away with this? This is great.

Mmmmm.... I like Zoe Saldana when she's not Avatar-d.



Clash of the Titans

Wha?!?

Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson sure have recaptured that Schindler's List on-screen magic once again!

Wait... Wha?!?

Mt Olympus is like the greatest prog rock album cover brought to life EVER!

It's like watching Dan play God of War 3. But a little dumber.

Box Office Report: Rock's Birthday Edition

Dude here again. Out of the 52 weekends of the year, this is my favorite weekend. The weekend before the onslaught of the summer blockbusters. The calm before the storm. No records need to be broken. Old movies need to be cleared out. It's fun. Too bad it won't last.

Oh, and since today is The Rock's birthday, Happy Birthday to The Rock!

This weekend, nobody seems to want to care about going to the movies, and a five week old picture nabs the top. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Nightmare on Elm Street (WB) - $32.2, 3332 screens, week 1, $32.2 total

2. How To Train Your Dragon (Par/DW) $10.8, 3426 screens, week 6, $192.3 total

3. Date Night (Fox)- $7.6, 3093 screens, week 4, $73.6 total

4. The Back-Up Plan (CBS) - $7.2, 3280 screens, week 2, $22.9 total

5. Furry Vengeance (Sum)- $6.5, 2997 screens, week 1, $6.5 total

6. The Losers (WB)- $6.0, 2936 screens, week 2, $18.1 total

7. Clash of the Titans (WB)- $5.9, 2737 screens, week 5, $154.0 total

8. Kick-Ass (LGF) - $4.4, 2542 screens, week 3, $42.1 total

9. Death at a Funeral (ScrGms) - $4.0, 2271 screens, week 3, $34.7 total

10. Oceans (BV)- $2.6, 1210 screens, week 2, $13.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that for all the complaining we've done about the remake-volution means nothing when you pay to go see the movies. Nightmare on Elm Street, despite failing to entertain my old roommate who likes everything, managed to take in $32 million dollars, which is just a bit more than the original made in its' entire run. There you go.

Ah, Furry Vengeance. There's nothing good to say about you, so I'll opt to say nothing at all. (Although it's tempting to make a joke about "furries", the joke's just not quite forming yet.

Wow, there really is nothing too interesting to report. Except that Date Night seems to love being at that number 3 spot. perhaps it will continue that way for a few more weeks, so that in their ads, they can proudly claim "The #3 movie in America 3 weeks in a row!" Date Night, people.

Why is nobody seeing The Losers? It's really solid, and quite enjoyable. Sometimes there are mysteries I just don't understand. Like magnets.

Below the radar, Michael Caine did played his Gran Torino card with Harry Brown, which opened up on 19 screens to take in $180,000. Insert "Get off my lawn" line here. There's also Please Give, which I don't know much about aside from it opened up on 4 screens and took in $128,000 to have the highest per screen average of the week.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week the man of iron returns.

Until next weekend.......

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Werner Herzog's Where's Waldo

Hobo With A Shotgun is now a reality.

Well, is on its way to becoming a reality.

Either way, I like it.

Sin (UPDATED!)

I find myself having dirty unhealthy wrong thoughts about this sandwich. Does that make me a bad person?

I need to try it. But I can already feel the illness the sandwich will bring about. Anyone try it yet?

I NEED TO KNOW!!!

UPDATE: Geekologie has this handy chart, which makes me feel a little better about myself.

Box Office Report: Reruns

Dude here again. Last week's confusion between what was actually the number one movie got me thinking about how I report the estimates and not the final numbers.. After I got the Date Night article wrong the week before, I figured it would better to wait things out instead of being the first to report on things that are wrong.

But then you go and give me a softball, so I'll knock this out and have a sandwich before wasting my day with Pong.

This weekend, nobody seems to want to care about going to the movies, and a five week old picture nabs the top. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. How To Train Your Dragon (Par/DW) $15.0, 3665 screens, week 5, $178.8 total

2. The Back-Up Plan (CBS) - $12.2, 3280 screens, week 1, $12.2 total

3. Date Night (Fox)- $10.6, 3294 screens, week 3, $63.4 total

4. The Losers (WB)- $9.6, 2936 screens, week 1, $9.6 total

5. Kick-Ass (LGF) - $9.5, 3065 screens, week 2, $34.8 total

6. Clash of the Titans (WB)- $9.0, 3271 screens, week 4, $145.6 total

7. Death at a Funeral (ScrGms) - $8.0, 2459 screens, week 2, $28.4 total

8. Oceans (BV)- $6.0, 1206 screens, week 1, $8.4 total

9. The Last Song (BV) - $3.7, 2794 screens, week 4, $55.3 total

10. Alice in Wonderland (BV)- $2.2, 1385 screens, week 8, $327.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that nobody cares about any movies that don't contain a man in a metal suit fighting other people in similar suits. Which opens up in two weeks. Until then, we get the 3-D inflated numbers pushing the Dragons on us again.

J Lo tried to do the wacky romantic comedy thing again, and made a paltry $12 million. Most of it probably from men making it up to their ladies for sitting through Kick-Ass last week.

The Losers… It's just too easy to come up with a bad pun. Especially for something that looks pretty good. I'll blame this under-performance on that volcano.

Oceans, a film I can only assume is the prequel to the George Clooney Ocean's 11, also opened up. And not very well. Seems Earth Day was only good to Avatar.

Last week's flicks dropped sharply. Again, volcanoes and lack of iron men.

Below the radar, I got nothing.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week a horror remake surprisingly not in 3-D tries to make some dough before people realize it's probably terrible. and Furry Vengeance opens as well, which might be a more terrifying film than the one with "Nightmare" in the title.

Until next weekend.......

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Belated Box Office Report: Kick-Ass edition.

Dude here again. So, I got a new computer this weekend, and really slacked off on the box office report because I was too busy importing 22 days worth of music. (Mostly of it Ethiopian Acid Jazz and Rush).

So... Yeeeeah. The top movie was Kick-Ass.

The End.



What you think about his company is what you say about society...

Are kids small... or just far away?

There are few words that can describe this Insane Clown Posse video. But it must be seen.

I know what you're thinking. "DUDE?!?! I know you have odd music taste, but why the fuck are you listening to songs by Insane Clown Posse?!?!"

And my answer is this: Larry, the guy who made The End Of Irony below, showed me this video. And it blew my mind.

Keep this in mind: This video is done with no sense of irony and is, for all intents and purposes, a genuine song. Also, allegedly the Clown-folk are very Christian, which explains the disdain in the scientist lyric.



Fuckin magnets. How do they work?

I don't find it necessary for anything to parody this work. It's sort of impossible to make it any more hilarious and amazing than it already is.

That being said, the two least likely folks managed to do come close on SNL last weekend.



Made me laugh. Parts, anyway.

Box Office Report: Date Edition

Dude here again. Another weekend has come and gone, as so many do, and that means there are dollars out of consumers' wallets and in the hands of the Hollywood bigwigs, who are no doubt lighting cigars with aforementioned dollars.

Because that's how they roll out in Hollyweird.

This weekend, A tight race for first place among the top 3, but the lead isn't in 3-D!! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Date Night (Fox)- $27.1, 3374 screens, week 1, $27.1 total

2. Clash of the Titans (WB)- $26.8, 3802 screens, week 2, $110.4 total

3. How To Train Your Dragon (Par/DW) $25.3, 4007 screens, week 3, $133.8 total

4. Why Did I Get Married Too? (LGF) - $11.0, 2155 screens, week 2, $48.5 total

5. The Last Song (BV) - $10.0, 2674 screens, week 2, $42.4 total

6. Alice in Wonderland (BV)- $5.6, 2530 screens, week 6, $319.3 total

7. Hot Tub Time Machine (MGM)- $5.4, 2611 screens, week 3, $36.9 total

8. The Bounty Hunter (Sony) - $4.3, 2901 screens, week 4, $56.0 total

9. Diary of a Wimpy Kid (Fox) - $4.1, 2453 screens, week 4, $53.7 total

10. Letters To God (Viv)- $1.1, 897 screens, week 1, $1.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means the star power of Steve Carrell and Tina Fey is just too much to be contained on a television screen. Date Night, despite a terrible marketing campaign, managed to trump the 3-D movies, the first time in 5 weeks that such a thing has happened! For that alone, this film escapes my derision.

Close on Date Night's heels, though, is the 1-2 punch (or 2-3 punch in this case) of Clash of the Titans and the Dragon movie that doesn't have Matthew McConaughey in it. Both films prove stalwart and hearty, despite a large drop for Clash which could bode well for future unnecessary 3-D transfers!

Opening at the bottom of the list is Letters to God, which tries to follow the Fireproof model of release from a few years back. Time will tell if it's another hit on that level, but something tells me the Christian films might be better off contemplating their next release in 3-D!

I promise I'll knock off the 3-D shit by the time the huge summer blockbusters come around, which is only in a few weeks!

We've let the Bounty Hunter make $56 million? And we couldn't pony up to make Gamer a hit? This world needs an enema.

Below the radar, a bunch of films opened up that I never heard of, so I'm not gonna bother talking about them, because I'm a jerk like that, and that's how I roll.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week I finally get to stop seeing the previews and finally get to see the actual movie of Kick Ass! Plus, they remade Death at a Funeral, despite the orginal opening up a few years ago.

Until next weekend.......


(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

The End of Irony

This is an awesome video for the band Captain Ahab. My friend Larry made it.

Larry is a genius. He also has a tattoo of Paul Verhoeven's signature on his leg, and he's known for it through lore. Oh, and he played "Slow Ricky" in Porky's The College Years.

Enjoy!

CAPTAIN AHAB "The End Of Irony" from Deathbomb Arc on Vimeo.

When life starts getting a little too real...

...I suddenly remember that I'm in the state that's ruled by Conan the Barbarian.

Did you see the crazy guy who reviewed The Phantom Menace?

If you didn't, and you have 70 minutes of spare time, I'd suggest you check out all of it.

That being said, in case you did, the crazy guy's Episode 2: Attack of the Clones deconstruction has been unleashed upon us all. This one runs 90 minutes, and I have yet to watch it all. But I can't wait. Hopefully he doesn't have as many jokes about randomly killing women he keeps tied up in the basement, but we'll see.

Enjoy! (Special Thanks to Aint It Cool, who put them all together and allowed a simple man like me just link to them)

Box Office Report: Release the Kraken

Dude here again. It being Easter, I've succumbed to a Ham-and-Peeps-induced coma. So you know what that means. LAZY NUMBERS REPORTING!!!

This weekend, a lot of movies opened and made money! Some in 3-D! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Clash of the Titans (WB)- $61.4, 3777 screens, week 1, $64.0 total

2. Why did I Get Married Too? (LGF) - $30.1, 2155 screens, week 1, $30.1 total

3. How To Train Your Dragon (Par/DW) $29.2, 4060 screens, week 2, $92.3 total

4. The Last Song (BV) - $16.2, 2673 screens, week 1, $25.5 total

5. Alice in Wonderland (BV)- $8.2, 2980 screens, week 5, $309.7 total

6. Hot Tub Time Machine (MGM)- $8.0, 2771 screens, week 2, $27.8 total

7. The Bounty Hunter (Sony) - $6.2, 3118 screens, week 3, $48.9 total

8. Diary of a Wimpy Kid (Fox) - $5.5, 2842 screens, week 3, $46.2 total

9. She's Out of My League (Par)- $1.4, 1390 screens, week 4, $28.6 total

10. Shutter Island (Par)- $1.4, 1356 screens, week 7, $123.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means Clash of the Titans made a bunch of money! Mostly because of 3-D ticket prices, probably, but I'm done bitching about that. Or am I?

Tyler Perry made a sequel that doesn't involve Madea!?!? If his next movie is in 3-D, then Tyler Perry will truly be unstoppable. Like Krull. (See? I didn't stop with the 3-D).

Dear lord, there was a Miley Cyrus movie released this weekend? When will it end? WHEN?!?!?!

Other movies aren't doing so well. But props to Hot Tub Time Machine for not dropping off huge and maintaining some semblance of success, but mostly because I like writing Hot Tub Time Machine as often as possible. (And I don't even get paid to do it).

Below the radar, The Greatest opened up on 8 screens and took in $37,000, which is not exactly the greatest. But that terrible joke is.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week is Date Night! And more Kraken.

Until next weekend.......



Michael Buble being stalked by a raptor.
(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

The Trailer For The Best Movie Of The Year.

There's no denying it.

This is not an April Fool's Day prank. I don't have it in me to do that this year.

Unless that's the April Fool!

Watch that trailer again. I'm gonna go prank call Bill Murray.