A dude in an iron suit fights a fuckin' tank!!!

Iron Man slapped my world silly. It's a pretty kickass movie. It contains almost everything I want out of a moviegoing experience. Let's go to the checklist:

1) Robots (or men in robot suits) fighting.

2) Badass electric guitar anytime said robots make a move.

The only thing is, the movie needed to end with a high-five. (That and a Salma Hayek dancing scene is always appreciated). But that doesn't negate the impact of how pretty freakin rad Iron Man is. Downey gives a great performance as Tony Stark, and is just having the time of his life. Sort of like Depp in the first Pirates movie, how carefree he was about the whole affair, in his own world doing his own little thing. He's a good guy, that Robert Downey Jr.

Jon Faverau was defintely the right guy to direct this movie. He has a great sense of tone and pacing, and a style that differentiates this from the other super hero flicks. Not for nothing, but I really enjoy how each comic book hero gets a different style and feel to their respective films. It's all about matching the right material with the right filmmaker, and with Faverau, Iron Man has found his match.

If there is any complaint I have (aside from the lack of a high five at the end), it's that the movie feels a little slight. It's a wonderful origin story, but you spend so much time watching Tony Stark become Iron Man, but I want to see more of what he does As Iron Man. I guess that's what the sequel's for.

(By the way, stay through the end credits. There's a lovely surprise awaiting you there).

So to sum up: Iron Man- Ain't nothin' wrong with that!

(High-Five)


(yet another Man of Iron)

Box Office Report: Calm before the storm

Dude here again. Only one more week left until I get to start all the hyperbole-laden and record shattering weekend box office grosses. I can't even begin to convey how excited I am. Rest assured, it involves involuntary releases of bodily fluids. But out of sheer joy and excitement. And not at all due to a "drinking problem." (I don't understand what the big deal is, it's not even a "problem"!)

This weekend, comedies ruled the roost, with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler squeaking into the top spot over Harold and Kumar and a certain other lady that someone is trying to forget. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Baby Mama (Uni) - $18.2, 2543 screens, week 1, $18.2 total

2. Harold and Kumar... (NL)- $14.5, 2510 screens, week 1, $14.5 total

3. The Forbidden Kingdom (LGF) - $11.2, 3151 screens, week 2, $38.2 total

4. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Uni) - $11.0, 2799 screens, week 2, $35.0 total

5. Nim's Island (Fox) - $4.5, 2977 screens, week 4, $38.9 total

6. Prom Night (ScrGms) - $4.4, 2821 screens, week 3, $38.1 total

7. 21 (Sony)- $4.0, 2952 screens, week 5, $75.7 total

8. 88 Minutes (Sony) - $3.6, 2168 screens, week 2, $12.6 total

9. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $2.4, 2159 screens, week 7, $147.8 total

10. Deception (Fox) - $2.2, 2001 screens, week 1, $2.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that of all the things that are making people laugh, Tina Fey rules them all. Attracting more folks with a PG-13 rating (as well as female skewing subject matter) Baby Mama easily surpassed the R-rated pothead antics of Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. But it's pretty clear that the audiences felt like having some laughs this weekend, before the onslaught begins.

(I have to point out that Harold and Kumar did come awfully close to surpassing the original's entire box office run. Very interesting, and considering how low the costs are for these films, plus the huge profit they make on video because potheads don't realize the movie actually came out in theaters, it's possible a third Harold and Kumar could be winding around the mountain.)

A movie with Obi Wan and Wolverine called Deception came out. It didn't too well. The holdovers are fading fast, but it's worth noting 21 keeps adding screens, despite being out for 6 weeks already.

Below the top ten, a Burt Reynolds movie called Deal opened up. Anytime Burt Reynolds is in a movie that opens up, it's worth noting. It made $31,000 on 50 screens. Yeah Burt! I'm gonna watch Smokey and the Bandit in celebration! (You should, too).

And in the "Because It's There" series: The Bank Job took in $183,000 on 239, bringing its grand total to $29,570,000 in 8 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, Ironman! Plus, extra added bonus, Son of Rambow!

Until next weekend....

Box Office Report: Hitler's Birthday Weekend

Dude here again. The weeks are just flying by, as we're towards the end of April, a mere two weeks away from big noisy, stupid summer movies. And I can't wait. However, we still have two more weeks, and I'll be damned if I'm not gonna report those two weeks with gusto and energy and absolutely no slacking whatsoever. No matter what!

This weekend, Jackie Chan and Jet Li walk into a bar and... (fill in pun about making a lot of money that I'm too lazy to make here). Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. The Forbidden Kingdom (LGF) - $20.8, 3151 screens, week 1, $20.8 total

2. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Uni) - $17.3, 2798 screens, week 1, $17.3 total

3. Prom Night (ScrGms) - $9.1, 2700 screens, week 2, $32.5 total

4. 88 Minutes (Sony) - $6.8, 2168 screens, week 1, $6.8 total

5. Nim's Island (Fox) - $5.6, 3277 screens, week 3, $32.8 total

6. 21 (Sony)- $5.5, 2903 screens, week 4, $69.9 total

7. Street Kings (FoxS) - $4.0, 2469 screens, week 2, $19.8 total

8. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $3.5, 2670 screens, week 6, $144.4 total

9. Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed (RM) - $3.1, 1052 screens, week 1, $3.1 total

10. Leatherheads (Uni)- $3.0, 2798 screens, week 3, $26.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, what do YOU think they mean? Ask yourselves what Forbidden Kingdom grossing $20 million means to you. And how about the nice showing of Sarah Marshall? The Apatow brand name isn't dead yet, wouldn't you agree? And what about 88 Minutes, an Al Pacino movie that's been released in Europe over a year ago. It was released, and looking at the chart, you can see what the numbers mean.

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, a documentary on Creationism opened in 9th place. How does that make you feel? Inside, I mean? How about the declining performances of the other films in the top ten? Does that make you feel sad, that they weren't given a proper chance to succeed? Or joy, at their failures? Or complete and utter indifference? Please tell me.

Below the top ten, perhaps a few films. opened up that made some money. Perhaps not.

And in the "Because It's There" series: Last week The Bucket List took in $353,000 on 390, bringing its grand total to $92,171,000 in 16 weeks. The Bucket List. Think about that one.

There you have my complete, thorough, award winning box office break down of the greatest journalistic integrity, chock full of hours of hard work. Next week, another movie opens. And it continues.

Until next weekend....

People with too much free time

Free time that I want to have, so as to accomplish this myself. Only with different themes. Probably Star Wars.

Because I'm a dork like that.

Box Office Report: Tax Weekend!

Dude here again. For those readers in the states, I'd like to take this moment to remind you that you have two days to finish your taxes. Let me tell you something, if you don't pay those, they come after you. And not all nice, they come at you like you're Wesley Snipes. It's unpleasant and costly, so as a public service reminder, make sure you get those done and postmarked in time. Otherwise, you'll pay amounts of money comparable to this weekend's top movie! (Like that segue?)

This weekend, a large number of movies opens up, and the most insulting one of the bunch takes the number one perch. I almost miss 21 as the number one movie. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Prom Night (ScrGms) - $22.7, 2700 screens, week 1, $22.7 total

2. Street Kings (FoxS) - $12.0, 2467 screens, week 1, $12.0 total

3. 21 (Sony)- $11.0, 2736 screens, week 3, $62.2 total

4. Nim's Island (Fox) - $9.0, 3518 screens, week 2, $25.2 total

5. Leatherheads (Uni)- $6.2, 2771 screens, week 2, $21.9 total

6. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $6.0, 3209 screens, week 5, $139.6 total

7. Smart People (Mira) - $4.2, 1106 screens, week 1, $4.2 total

8. The Ruins (P/DW) - $3.2, 2814 screens, week 2, $13.4 total

9. Superhero Movie (Wein/MGM) - $3.1, 2526 screens, week 3, $21.2 total

10. Drillbit Taylor (Par) - $2.0, 2205 screens, week 4, $28.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means Prom Night is the number one motion picture. Prom Night. A watered down remake of Prom Night made $22 million. In three days. Prom Night. Think about what you've done.

Street Kings, Keanu Reeve's contribution to corrupt cop cinema took in a respectable amount, around $3 million per facial expression. (I keed, Ted, I thought you rocked in the flick). And Smart People proved that audiences don't like to watch smart people unless they're a gentrified group of young geniuses taking down a casino.

21 continues it's impressive staying power, Leatherheads continues to disappoint (despite that winning smile from multi-hypenate George Clooney) and Nim's Island proves that Gerard Butler is fine, but he really does need to continue yelling every line possible. The Ruins seems to not be scaring anyone, I'm guessing due to the R-rating because I refuse to believe that horror fans would choose a remake of Prom Night over this vine infested creeper. Prom Night? Really?

Below the top ten, two films in limited release had better per screen averages than that Prom Night movie I seem to be deriding. The Visitor, the latest from The Station Agent director Thomas McCarthy played on 4 screens and took in $88,000. And Young@Heart, a heartwarming documentary about old people singing, also played on 4 screens and took in $52,300. Impressive bows, and outstanding reviews, should boost the profiles of these films.

And in the "Because It's There" series: The Bucket List took in $353,000 on 390, bringing its grand total to $92,171,000 in 16 weeks. The Bucket List. Think about that one.

There you have my break down. Next week, the latest from the Apatow cannon, Al Pacino runs for his life for an hour and half (almost), and the long awaited showdown between Jackie Chan and Jet Li, which will probably disappoint me.

Until next weekend....
fhha

April Showers Bring April Tweeners.

I've been really busy lately, and not writing about the films I've seen lately. I can give you a brief rundown of the few I've seen recently, that I haven't posted reviews for. (Son of Rambow, though, I felt the need to publish the whole thing, because I loved it so much).

Doomsday - Such an awesome film, for being a complete piece of crap. It's literally Escape From New York crossed with Road Warrior (with a dash of Thunderdome), a touch of 28 Days Later, and a little bit of Excalibur. With a hot accented chick in tight clothing who kicks ass. The movie's a loving mess and homage to awesome movies of our youth that never quite gels together enough to rise above homage and becoming a film worthy of the ranks of its pieces. Still very worth checking out, as you'll note the badass pictures of it I've peppered throughout the article. (7/10)

The Hammer - Adam Corrola as a slacker who turns 40, who suddenly finds some meaning in life as he tries for an Olympic qualifier in boxing. It's got a lot of heart and good humor, and Corrola is winning as all hell. This one's in limited release, but if you get a chance to see it, it's worthy of your time. It's not an Apatow, lose your intestines laugh fest, but it keeps you smiling all through, and doesn't pull it's punches. (I'm so angry at myself for that pun). (7/10)

Run Fat Boy Run - You all know I made Simon Pegg laugh once, right? That was a good day. Sadly, I wish I could say that he once again returned the favor. there are a few moments in this flick where he makes you smile, but honestly, without Pegg, this movie would probably be unbearable. There are a few funny moments, and Pegg has a brilliant and believable scene with his son, but the script hits so many familiar beats and embraces them, when it should be turning them on their side. A major disappointment. (5/10 - extra point given for Pegg)

21 - I finally saw this movie. And it's not terrible. But it's also not really that good. At leat, to me, because the crowd I wound up seeing this with flipped their lids for it. I sat baffled. I understand the appeal of "nerds" beating the system and making tons of money in Vegas by counting cards, but I have a feeling the History Channel "true story" of the events would be more worthy of my time, and not nearly as formulaic. Like Fat Boy, too many familiar beats are hit to the point where it feels the characters are doing their actions solely because the script requires it. Again, not a terrible film, but far from a great one. (5/10)

That's all I got. Maybe I'll check out Leatherheads later today. And I still need to check out The Bank Job, which is allegedly one of the better heist movies to come around in a long time. (I also heard In Bruges is brilliantly hilarious, but again, haven't had much time).

Oh, I also dug Street Kings, which you can check out the review of here.

Fun fact: before viewing Street Kings, I wound up speaking with Peter Rice, president of Fox Searchlight Pictures. (I think, it might have been Fox Pictures in general, but he was giving out free beer and liked my shirt, so I wasn't paying attention). Anyway, he asks me "What's been good this year?" and I had a long moment of silence. And I looked him in the eye, with absolutely no irony, and told him Rambo was the best movie I saw this year. (Strangely enough, this was before Son of Rambow, which is my favorite movie of the year thus far).

Fun Fact 2: Also at the Street Kings presentation was Keanu Reeves. Two days previous to that, I met Alex Winter. Meaning that last week, I met both Bill AND Ted! I rule.

Son of Rambow! Finally, I really like a movie!

Son of Rambow is such a wonderful motion picture, I wanted to give it a great big hug after it was over. It's heartwarming without any treacle, it's hilarious without resorting to cheap gags, and it's genuine. Son of Rambow will quickly become a favorite movie of any dork (like myself) who dreamed big as a kid and used movie making as an outlet.

Will Proudfoot (Bill Milner) is an adorable and sad young boy. His father had a stroke and passed away. His family belongs to a religion called The Plymouth Brethren, which forbids television, movies, and music of popular culture. Will has never seen a moving picture in his entire life, but he has a huge imagination and fills the pages of his text books with drawings to the point that you can't see the text anymore.

Fate intervenes when Will encounters Lee Carter (Will Poulter). Carter is the troubled kid in school, always in and out of the principal's office. Events bring these two unlikely kids together, with Carter taking advantage of Will's good nature. Carter lives in a retirement home (his mother is never around) and works for his brother bootlegging movies with his VHS camera. The latest film to come through town? First Blood. (It should be noted the film takes place in the early 80s).

Will sees First Blood and his mind is blown. He and Carter decide to join forces and make a film with the camera and resources they have. The film Will wants to make? Son of Rambow. (Will is unaware of the proper spelling of Rambo). The two form a friendship making the film, despite the growing consequences of WIll's new passion conflicting with the Brethren's beliefs, creating much tension between Will and his mother. (Jessica Stevenson, from Spaced!)

Eventually, other kids from the school come on board to join these outcasts, most notably the French exchange student that all the other kids think is the coolest. (He wants to be a movie star, and even has prop guns). Does this drive a rift between Will and Carter? You need to see the film and discover that for yourself.

What makes Son of Rambow so damn good is that even though it's filled with whimsy, it's British whimsy, which is always less insulting to your intelligence. Written and directed by Garth Jennings (he of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy fame), Son of Rambow has some wonderfully fanciful moments and manages to keep it strictly grounded. The problems of Carter and Will are very real, which only makes the accomplishment of their filmmaking that more important.

It's interesting to note the similarities between Son of Rambow and Be Kind Rewind. Both films center their stories on misfits and outsiders coming together to make a movie for a greater purpose. And both make tremendous use of the filmmakers' creative solutions in recreating scenes with the materials available to them. Where Rambow differs is that the joy stems from the minds of children, where the only limit is their own imaginations.

I heart this movie with a passion reserved for few things. It's the first great movie I've seen all year, and my favorite of all that I've seen. It's smart, sweet, funny, and above all made with love and affection for these characters. You want these boys to succeed, and to eventually make Son of Rambow 2. And I would be first in line to see it.

No Dice

This continues to make me laugh.

It's an SNL sketch from like, 4 or 5 years ago. And it makes me laugh too hard every time. It applies that wonderful comedic gag of going too far, where it not only stops being funny, but starts to be ridiculously hilarious again. See also, Sideshow Bob stepping on rakes. And the entire movie of Hot Rod. (That movie is pure hilarity).

Box Office Report: 21? Again? Really?

Dude here again. With another exciting, involving, thoroughly awesome reporting of the weekend box office numbers. You know you love it. And even if you don't, then what are you doing reading it? Exactly. Curiosity, and rumors of my awesomeness know no bounds.

This weekend, a slew of new movies opened up, but were unable to unseat last week's champ. This seriously boggles my mind, but a lot of things do that lately. Like button fly jeans. I mean, I understand the need to not have interlocking metal pieces that close to your junk, but still. Ummm.... Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. 21 (Sony)- $15.1, 2653 screens, week 2, $46.5 total

2. Leatherheads (Uni)- $13.4, 2769 screens, week 1, $13.4 total

3. Nim's Island (Fox) - $13.3, 3513 screens, week 1, $13.3 total

4. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $9.1, 3571 screens, week 4, $131.0 total

5. The Ruins (P/DW) - $7.8, 2812 screens, week 1, $7.8 total

6. Superhero Movie (Wein/MGM) - $5.4, 2965 screens, week 2, $16.8 total

7. Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns (LGF) - $3.5, 1554 screens, week 3, $37.7 total

8. Drillbit Taylor (Par) - $3.4, 2707 screens, week 3, $25.5 total

9. Shutter (Fox) - $2.8, 2125 screens, week 3, $23.1 total

10. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $2.7, 2335 screens, week 5, $89.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that in addition to gambling puns, there will be a lot of "fumble" puns in people's box office summaries. 21 inexplicably continues to capture the hearts and minds of the people, while Clooney's Leatherheads underperformed. And Nim's Island, which features Gerard Butler not screaming his lines (and wearing pants) is right at the heels of LEatherheads, and could very well wind up being second place. Regardless, it will still be hailed as "The #1 Family Film" in ads next week. Mark my words.

No puns abound for The Ruins, which took in low numbers for a horror movie. However, it was rated R, and involved killer plants, which some might perceive as silly. The trailers creeped me out, though. Just sayin.

Below the top ten, Shine a Light, the Rolling Stones concert film directed by Martin Scorsese took in around $1.5 million on 276 screens. I'm not sure if those screens include IMAX numbers. Still, the prospect of a 7-story Keith Richards freaks me out more than the vines in the ruins. Spooky. His jowl is as big as me. Also opening was My Blueberry Nights, the English-language debut of acclaimed filmmaker Wong Kar Wai opened up on 6 screens and took in $73,000.

And in the "Because It's There" series: Doomsday took in $119,000 on 184, bringing its grand total to $10,954,000 in 4 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, more movies will open, and some will make more money than others.

Until next weekend....

Just a shrimp running on a treadmill while the Benny Hill theme plays.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Box Office Report: 21? Really?

Dude here again. On yet another Sunday. Dreading the prospect of what the week holds in store. Sunday's are vaguely depressing. Luckily, there's always the box office numbers to cheer me up! Let's turn those blues into... greens? No that's stupid.

This weekend, a newcomer knocks down the elephant, and another Irag movie fails to garner interest. And yet another parody movie opened up. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. 21 (Sony)- $23.7, 2648 screens, week 1, $23.7 total

2. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $17.4, 3826 screens, week 3, $117.2 total

3. Superhero Movie (Wein/MGM) - $9.5, 2960 screens, week 1, $9.5 total

4. Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns (LGF) - $7.7, 2016 screens, week 2, $32.8 total

5. Drillbit Taylor (Par) - $5.8, 3061 screens, week 2, $20.5 total

6. Shutter (Fox) - $5.3, 2756 screens, week 2, $19.1 total

7. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $4.8, 3055 screens, week 4, $84.9 total

8. Stop-Loss (Par)- $4.5, 1291 screens, week 1, $4.5 total

9. College Road Trip (BV) - $3.5, 2270 screens, week 4, $38.3 total

10. The Bank Job (LGF) - $2.8, 1605 screens, week 4, $24.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that a bunch of kids trying to take down the system in Vegas attracted a lot more people than expected. Sadly more than $21 million, thus denying a wonderful sense of symmetry, but close enough. Gambling puns abound, 21 captured the top spot and no doubt has inspired countless morons to believe that they, too, can beat the system much like the characters "based on a true story!"

Superhero Movie opened up, a mere two months after Meet The Spartans. Apparently this one has fewer pop culture jokes, and makes unfunny jokes about super heroes. Anyway, it didn't do all that well, and not nearly as good as the aforementioned Spartans. Which is kind of sad, but maybe it means these films will take a breather for a little while.

Stop-Loss, Kimberly Pierce's portrait of the Iraq war, was not met well, despite having some spectacular reviews. It further feeds the fire on the argument that people don't want to see movies about the war. And Run Fat Boy Run, starring the lovable Simon Pegg (whom I made laugh once), opened up to about $2.3 million, the weakest of all the wide releases.

Below the top ten, a movie called Flawless and a movie called Priceless came out. They both roughly made the same amount of money (less than $200,000) but I found it funny that Flawless and Priceless are both kinda penniless. (ZING!)

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: There are no more Rambo numbers to report. Let's take a moment and think about what that means, and what Rambo has brought to all of our lives.

There you have my break down. Next week, a horror movie. And a movie that isn't a horror movie. And something else. But hey, only a month until we get to the big summer blockbuster season! Chock full 'o superheroes! It's gonna be rad!

Until next weekend....

Box Office Report: Jesus' Re-birthday Weekend

Dude here again. I'm currently camped outside Target, anxiously awaiting the clearance of Easter merchandise. The day after, they drop the price over 50%! Because nothing says good cheer like discount Peeps!

This weekend, is Tyler Perry in drag enough to combat Dr. Seuss? Almost. But not quite. But it could change by tomorrow for all I know. But it probably won't. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $25.1, 3961 screens, week 2, $86.4 total

2. Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns (LGF) - $20.0, 2006 screens, week 1, $20.0 total

3. Shutter (Fox) - $10.7, 2753 screens, week 1, $10.7 total

4. Drillbit Taylor (Par) - $10.2, 3056 screens, week 1, $10.2 total

5. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $8.6, 3454 screens, week 3, $76.1 total

6. Never Back Down (Sum)- $4.8, 2729 screens, week 2, $16.8 total

7. College Road Trip (BV) - $4.6, 2575 screens, week 3, $32.0 total

8. The Bank Job (LGF) - $4.1, 1613 screens, week 3, $19.4 total

9. Vantage Point (Sony)- $3.8, 2124 screens, week 5, $65.3 total

10. Under The Same Moon (Wein) - $2.6, 266 screens, week 1, $3.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that Horton once again reigns supreme. But hot on it's heels is yet another movie from the Tyler Perry factory. Once again eschewing critics' screenings, Perry (and Lionsgate) knows his audience will show up for his films. And to similar numbers. (The only one that hasn't done too well is the Daddy's Little Girls, and I think it may be due to the absence of Madea, Perry's "Funnier than Norbit" cross dressing character. Anyway, it made money, and all is well with the world.

Three other movies also opened up wide this week. Shutter, yet another American remake of a Japanese horror film, this one with the luxury of actually casting a former member from Dawson's Creek (instead of my usual Dawson-esque description to describe the cast). That was neck and neck with Drillbit Taylor, the latest from the Apatow factory. Due to the less than happy (but not Walk Hard bad) numbers, expect the 20 comedies to follow to downplay the "From the makers of Superbad" declaration in the ads.

And something called Under The Same Moon opened up really well for 266 screens, and being in Spanish. Although, Perry's film has the highest average in the top ten this weekend.

Let's give it up for The Bank Job, which continues to have the lowest drop from weekend to weekend. In a just world, this movie will continue to pull in $4 million every weekend until the next Statham movie rolls around. Sadly, the world inside my head is far different from the one I exist in. And I weep silently in the alley. And drink.

Below the top ten, ummm.... I can't really see any smaller release that opened. Thus making this paragraph rather useless. Sure, I could just delete the words, but I've already gone through the trouble of writing them, and by this point, it's far too late for you to stop reading it.

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $57,000 on 136 screens, bringing it's grand total to $42,726,000 in 9 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, more films open up that I can ridicule without seeing. And they will make money. Or not. The decision is literally up to you.

Until next weekend....

Happy St. Drinkin's Day

Yeah, this is the picture from last year. So what?

Box Office Report: The Day Before St. Patrick's Day

Dude here again. Gearing up for a hard day of celebrating the wonderful St. Patrick, the patron saint of Guiness. It's been an intense year of training, but I think I'm finally ready to handle my share of Irish Car bombs tomorrow! Should there be no box office report next week, it will be due to me losing out to the drink. Will it be worth it? Only time will tell.

This weekend, they finally get a Dr. Seuss adaptation correct. And it makes a truckload of money! Plus, some other surprises! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Horton Hears a Who! (Fox) - $45.1, 3954 screens, week 1, $45.1 total

2. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $16.4, 3410 screens, week 2, $61.2 total

3. Never Back Down (Sum)- $8.6, 2729 screens, week 1, $8.6 total

4. College Road Trip (BV) - $7.8, 2706 screens, week 2, $24.2 total

5. Vantage Point (Sony)- $5.4, 2761 screens, week 4, $59.2 total

6. The Bank Job (LGF) - $4.9, 1613 screens, week 2, $13.1 total

7. Doomsday (Rogue) - $4.7, 1936 screens, week 1, $4.7 total

8. Semi-Pro (NL) - $3.0, 2270 screens, week 3, $29.8 total

9. The Other Boleyn Girl (Sony) - $2.9, 1212 screens, week 3, $19.1 total

10. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Par) - $2.3, 2407 screens, week 5, $65.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that people with far too much time on their hands will come up with little rhyming headlines based on Horton making lots of money. I will spare you all that. not because I'm lazy, but because I respect you. Anyway, Horton made a lot of money. It will probably continue to make lots of money, as the kids love the Dr. Seuss these days. Right?

Somehow, Never Back Down took third place. Seriously. I can't make this up. What hurts most about this is that Doomsday, which is actually a damn decent and fun flick, only took in about half of that of that. (A little more, really, but still). What is Never Back Down? And why is Doomsday getting such a bad reputation? It rules! And nobody's seeing it!

And audiences continue to recognize the brilliance of Roland Emmerich's 10,000 B.C.! That brings a smile to my face.

Below the top ten, the polarizing Funny Games opened up on 289 screens, and took in $520,000. Not bad, for what is essentially a shot for shot remake of a ten year old German film. I've heard that audiences and critics are not really responding favorably to the violence in the picture, but I've also heard that's the point. Just sayin...

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $110,000 on 201 screens, bringing it's grand total to $42,617,000 in 8 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, Owen Wilson has a new movie that Danny R. McBride costars in, which means the movie will promise at least five to ten minutes of genuine comic gold. There's probably something else that will open, too. But watch the animated elephant take it again.

Until next weekend....
(Wilfred Brimley. Prince of Thieves).

Distractions from work

Lately, work has been slow. So I spend a lot of time examining the interweb. I've found a few things that are awesome and worth checking out, if you haven't seen them yet.

Stuff White People Like - A collection of things that make me ashamed to be a white man. (Though not as shameful as a wedding party doing the electric slide)

Garfield Minus Garfield - When you take Garfield out of the Garfield comics, Monday's become a lot better. Even if Jon seems a lot sadder.

And because I was looking it up on the YouTubes, I found a blast from high school geometry past.

And something from the good old General Cinemas that I can't remember if I've already shown or not.

Remember Boner?

From Growing Pains? (Not the euphemism for an erection caused by, say, a recent Academy Award winning screenwriter).

I wonder what Boner's been up to lately...

Tonight we're gonna party like it's 10,000 B.Stupid

Sweet merciful crap, is 10,000 B.C. a terrible movie. It's damn enjoyable, however. Let me put it this way, it's no Pathfinder, but it's pretty damn close.

There's so much that's wrong about this movie. The scene with the wild ostriches attacking. The sabre tooth tiger scenes. The choice of letting the characters speak English, sometimes in a Jamaican sounding accent. The eight or so prophecies that are all to be fulfilled by the one guy. The racial undercurrents that would be offensive if the movie weren't so stupid. 10,000 B.C. is like an adorable puppy that just crapped all over your bed. You can't get too mad, because look at how cute the puppy is. But you've still got a bed full of shyte.

And yet, I enjoyed the whole thing. I will never see it again. but I had a great time watching it. It truly is this year's Transformers, pure spectacle and absolutely no brain power needed whatsoever. Seriously, this movie feels like it was made on a system of dares. As if Roland Emmerich thought to himself "I'll have a scene with fearsome attacking ostriches, almost identical to the scene with the baby Godzillas in my previous movie. They'll have to take it out". And then is kind of surprised that they didn't take it out.

The special effects are pretty good. The mammoths the wooliest. The tigers' teeth the sabre-ist. But that's about it. Oh, I also kind of liked the lead guy, played by Steven Strait. I thought he did a real good job, not cracking up once through the whole movie. And Camilla Belle is just hot, but then you realize that every other women in the film looks like me. And Camilla looks fantastic, and with some make up, and "peasant dirt". But she's hot.
And then there are pyramids being built by captured tribes folk, and more nonsense involving prophecies. Then the white dude turns out to be the sole saviour of the African slaves that were kidnapped. But the hot girl needs to...

You see how this review makes absolutely no sense? It's akin to watching 10,000 BC. It makes no sense, and you get angry with yourself for enjoying it. But it's still very entertaining. And very, VERY stupid.

The Foot Fist Way

Fred Simmons is one hell of a Tae Kwon Do instructor. Actually, he's not. He's pretty terrible. And unbelievably deluded about his position in the world. And kind of a jerk. And as played by Danny McBride, one of the damn funniest comic characters on screen in a long time. Almost rivaling Ron Burgundy in sheer arrogance and comedic brilliance.

The Foot Fist Way tells the story of Fred Simmons, as his life slowly unravels due to a cheating wife. Driven by rage and anger, he eventually goes on a road trip with with two of his Tae Kwon Do students to see a demo of the legendary Chuck "The Truck" Wallace. That's as close to story as the movie gets. I feel awkward making the comparison, but the movie has a Napoleon Dynamite kind of feel: Very loose and free flowing, full of random one-liners and a few physical gags that kill, and even though it seems like not much is happening, it's pretty hilarious.

Of course, this movie isn't really about story. It's about performance. A brilliant performance, to be precise, from Danny McBride.

Danny McBride (not the one who co-wrote those crappy Underworld movies, the guy from Hot Rod and Heartbreak Kid) plays Fred Simmons perfectly. Everything the man says is comic gold. McBride commits himself mind, body and soul to this character and the results are pure hilarity. Simmons is the kind of person that you don't ever want to spend too much time with. He's an ass, and he's bound to make any situation that much more uncomfortable. McBride seems keenly aware of this and pushes this as far into squirming territory as it can possibly go.

Take the scenes with Denise, a cute young girl who's interested in Tae Kwon Do. Any scene that involves her, and Fred's "relationship" with her just makes you wish the scene would end for her sake. But for the audiences' sake, it continues. And keeps going. To brilliantly funny conclusions, mind you.

The movie is full of characters and one liners, most of which you'll miss from laughing too hard the first time. Ben Best (who along with McBride and director Jody Hill, co-wrote the film) is quite good as The Truck, a fading martial arts star and Fred's idol. And Jody Hill has a brief turn as Mike, a level-5 black belt, which means nothing because he doesn't believe in levels. And Mary Jane Bostic as Fred's hot and slutty wife is spot on. And the kid who plays Julio, Fred's young apprentice at the dojo. Everyone in this movie brings their game on, and delivers.

Rumor has it that Will Ferrell and Adam McKay were slipped a tape of this, and loved it so much they threw their names behind it in order to give it a wider audience. And it's easy to see the appeal, especially because Fred Simmons is the kind of character that Will Ferrell excels at: The deluded, egotistical, blinded to reality (and non-sequiter spewing) know it all jerk. It's an apt comparison, and Ferrell and McKay have done a good job in getting this out there.

If there is any justice in the world, The Foot Fist Way will become the movie that college kids pop on with their drunk friends and quote ad infinitum. It's not a movie about gags and set ups, as much as it's about subtle, dry humor, deranged characters, and hilariously wrong lines of dialogue. I'm going to go out on a limb, and say even with the the onslaught of Apatow flicks coming out this year, you will be hard pressed to find a movie funnier than The Foot Fist Way. You owe it to yourself to see this movie, and help Danny McBride become the huge comedy star that he deserves to be. You'll thank me afterwards.

Bow to your sensei!

Box Office Report: Daylight Savings Weekend!

Dude here again. We did that time change thing last night, putting the clocks ahead an hour. I think it's pretty foolish to keep doing this back and forth thing. But I also find it incredibly arrogant that George W. Bush felt the need to actually change the dates when it happens, to give us more light. You are not the master of space and time, sir. That would be Doc Brown. Leave Daylight Savings Time alone! That's it. I'm finished. Let's get on with this.

This weekend, a really big, loud, dumb movie opened up. And so did 10,000 B.C. and one of them made far too much money than it deserves. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $35.7, 3410 screens, week 1, $35.7 total

2. College Road Trip (BV) - $14.0, 2706 screens, week 1, $14.0 total

3. Vantage Point (Sony)- $7.5, 3163 screens, week 3, $51.6 total

4. Semi-Pro (NL) - $5.9, 3121 screens, week 2, $24.8 total

5. The Bank Job (LGF) - $5.7, 1603 screens, week 1, $5.7 total

6. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Par) - $4.8, 3246 screens, week 4, $61.7 total

7. The Other Boleyn Girl (Sony) - $4.0, 1167 screens, week 2, $14.6 total

8. Jumper (Fox) - $3.7, 2563 screens, week 4, $72.5 total

9. Step Up 2 The Streets (BV)- $3.0, 2251 screens, week 4, $53.0 total

10. Fool's Gold (WB) - $2.8, 2322 screens, week 5, $62.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that $35 million was painfully sucked away from poor fools stupid enough to pay their hard earned dollars to see the wooly mammoth movie. (Full disclosure: I am one of those fools, too). And that $14 million was taken away from the people who couldn't even give it to the wooly mammoth movie, but rather to Rayven Simone.

Adding insult to this injury, a perfectly fine Jason Statham bank robbery movie opened up to far less than either of these movies. This is just shenanigans. That's right. SHENANIGANS!!!

Right below the top ten, something called Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day did slightly less than 5 week old McConaughey abs. Gus Van Sant's Paranoid Park opened up on 2 screens and took in $30,000 and the highest per screen average. Even higher than the movie with the wild ostrich attack. The new Stephen Chow movie CJ7 opened up on 19 screens and took in $41,100. And the latest from David Gordon Green, Snow Angels, opened up on 2 screens to take in $14,000. The more fascinating films are rarely in the top ten, are they?

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $66,000 on 163 screens, bringing it's grand total to $42,465,000 in 7 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, Doomsday!!! That's all that really should matter.

Until next weekend....

Rorschach looks badass!!!!

And Nite Owl looks a little like Batman. And GOB from Arrested Development, but that's Patrick Wilson's curse (blessing?) to live with. But also, badass!

And Silk Spectre just looks HOT!

RIP: Gary Gygax

It is with great sadness that I bring you the news about the passing of a man very dear to a lot of your hearts. Gary Gygax. AKA- The inventor of Dungeons and Dragons.

I've known many of the readers of this site to have been touched by this man's creations, sometimes for hour long marathons assisted only by a bottle of RC Cola and Dio's Greatest Hits in the basement of a friend. I've seen D&D bring together the strangest assembly of folks to all convene and roll oddly shaped dice. And I know that Tim has Jeep's birthright, still proudly displayed in his house so that his young son may one day grow up to become a dork like his old man. (And Cool Uncle Mike).

I fondly remember Gygax on an episode of Futurama, where he, Al Gore, Uhura from Star Trek and Stephen Hawking were an elite squad of fighters. At the end, the universe gets sucked into oblivion, and Gary teaches everyone to play D&D. I laughed heartily.

So gentlemen (let's be honest, it's gentlemen), roll your dice for a fallen homey this evening. 12-sided, please.

(20-sided is just too big)

I finally caught last week's SNL

I've enjoyed the return of Saturday Night Live. It makes me laugh. these were my favorites.

Sue me, I've been slacking

Yeah. I know. I'm a slacker. It's what I do best, to be honest with you. That and witty bon mots that sound so much more clever in my head than when actually verbalized.


(Listen to your friend Billy Zane. He's a cool guy.)

Most of the slack comes from my recent move, as I've gone from the swank Valley Village to the wonderland of Van Nuys. For those with knowledge of NJ, it's like going from Montclair to Belleville. So, yeah, I've been moving and unpacking and watching a lot of television on the new HDTV we have set up that is courtesy of our new roommate.

It's... it's so pretty. When moving in, we decided to "break it in" with a viewing of Predator. For a 21 year old movie, I've never seen it look better.

But enough excuses, I'm gonna post some random stuff here, and if I've forgotten anything, leave me a comment, and I'll get right back to you on it. Or not. Let's be honest.

So, here's a few links to reviews of movies I've seen recently: The Signal and Chicago 10. Later this week, I'll have a Paranoid Park review to go up, and one for All The Boys Love Mandy Lane. I've been writing them for the websites, but for some reason, I forget to post them up here. Which sucks, because The Signal is pretty fuckin great, and I failed to get the word out.

And here are some tiny capsule reviews that I may expand upon later:
JUMPER - Sucks Balls, but I was highly entertained by what a mess it was.
THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY - Cried like a bitch. Very moving. I totally got into it.
BE KIND, REWIND - Absolutely loved this movie. Made me feel like I was 12 years old making movies in Rob's backyard again. It's not for everyone, but it pushed the right buttons with me. I'm working on my own Sweded version of Castaway right now. (I have a kickball with a picture of Owen Wilson on it, that's good enough).

Oh, Lost-speak. So, I was kind of far behind, but luckily the new roommate was smart enough to record Lost on the DVR (in HD, no less) and I finally caught up. Holy crap! While I enjoyed the odd twists behind Kate's story, I freakin LOVE what's going on with Desmond. This past episode was outstanding, and another reason why I think Lost is probably the best show on TV, despite what everyone tells me about Battlestar Galactica.

(Oh, but if one more person tells me I need to watch The fuckin' Wire, I'm gonna go buckwild up in this bitch. It's come to where I purposely avoid it just to irritate those who tell me what an amazing television show it is).

But yeah, Lost is kicking some ass, and I'm upset that it will end prematurely. But I'm sure T-Bone can tell us the deal with that.

Ummm.... I don't think I have anything else. Oh, my Diablo Cody fixation is up and running, spurred further by nude photos recently uncovered. (amazingly enough, AFTER the Oscar win.)



Yeah, I like her.

Box Office Report Fun Fact: This time last year, Wild Hogs was #1

Dude here again. Recovering from a Saturday filled with illness and macho movies on CInemax HD. Seriously. It started with the Conan movies. Then Gladiator. Followed by Braveheart. Then the premiere of 300. Let me tell you something about 300 in HD: It's FREAKIN' AWESOME!!!! Oh, right. Box office report.

This weekend, a few new movies opened up to low, low numbers. This will no doubt make executives cry. Which is sometimes a good thing, but really, studio executives have feelings, too. Mostly those feelings consist of hunger and exhaustion. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Semi-Pro (NL) - $15.2, 3121 screens, week 1, $15.2 total

2. Vantage Point (Sony)- $13.0, 3150 screens, week 2, $41.0 total

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Par) - $8.7, 3654 screens, week 3, $55.0 total

4. The Other Boleyn Girl (Sony) - $8.3, 1166 screens, week 1, $8.3 total

5. Jumper (Fox) - $7.6, 3128 screens, week 3, $66.8 total

6. Step Up 2 The Streets (BV)- $5.7, 2528 screens, week 3, $48.5 total

7. Fool's Gold (WB) - $4.6, 2845 screens, week 4, $59.0 total

8. Penelope (Sum) - $4.0, 1196 screens, week 1, $4.0 total

9. No Country For Old Men (Mira) - $4.0, 2037 screens, week 17, $69.5 total

10. Juno (FoxS) - $3.3, 1631 screens, week 13, $135.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that New Line has had a terrible week. Aside from being absorbed into the larger Time Warner monolith and losing the creative forces behind the company (who have been doing it for nearly 40 years!), they had the number one movie of the week. It's also the number one movie with numbers far lower than expected. And a Will Ferrell movie, no less? It sounds fool proof, and yet somehow it didn't work. Regardless, thank you New Line, for bringing us Lord of the Rings, Nightmare on Elm Street, and all the flicks in between.

(Including the uber-BADASS movie Shoot 'Em Up, which really needs more respect from the world).

What else do we have here? The Other Boleyn Girl, a movie with Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson, that is not (I repeat NOT) rated NC-17, opened up to decent numbers for a movie with these two lovely ladies that doesn't include intimate moments between them. I'm sure I'm going to be dragged to this thing, but that's cool because Eric Bana is also in it, and he usually kicks a lot of ass. And Penelope opened up to not very good numbers. I know nothing of this movie aside from Christina Ricci is in it. And growing up, she and I had the same orthodontist.

The Academy Awards were last week, and Best Picture winner No Country climbed back on to the top ten, pretty much making the same amount as Penelope. This is the highest grossing Coen brothers film yet, and the most praised. Also staying in the top ten is Juno, winner of Best Screenplay. Mmmm... Diablo Cody.

Wait, how the hell has Jumper made $66 million?!?!?!

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $235,000 on 402 screens, bringing it's grand total to $42,245,000 in 6 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, 10,000 BC!!! This movie is going to be amazing. And terrible. At the same exact time. I already have my ticket! It's this year's Transformers!!!

Until next weekend....

More Oscar Extravbonanza!!!

More than anything, the only award that mattered to me was Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová winning for Falling Slowly. And then that nice, classy move of bringing Irglová back on stage afterwards to say what she was gonna say. Goddamn that made me happy.

Second place was Diablo Cody. That girl just does it for me. (On an HDTV, that tattoo of hers is BOSSOME!)

In searching for pictures of Diablo Cody (not that I'm starting to stalk her or anything) I came across this lovely picture. Notice the shirt. Then notice the shirt in the tiny picture of me and Glen Hansard at the top.

It's totally a sign. Just sayin...

Box Office: Oscar Weekend Extravbonanza!

Dude here again. The Oscars are tonight. (Or last night, if you read this on Monday). But it's not like they matter anyway, because the only movie of any merit and importance ever came out THIS year. I speak, of course, of Rambo. So when all those awards are handed out, and the envelopes are empty, know that next year a storm is coming. A storm named Rambo!

This weekend, four more movies opened, and only one did any well. There's also a lot of close calls that will prove these numbers inaccurate by tomorrow anyway. Like my little disclaimer always says. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Vantage Point (Sony)- $24.0, 3149 screens, week 1, $24.0 total

2. Jumper (Fox) - $12.65, 3430 screens, week 2, $56.2 total

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Par) - $12.60, 3847 screens, week 2, $43.5 total

4. Step Up 2 The Streets (BV)- $9.7, 2480 screens, week 2, $41.4 total

5. Fool's Gold (WB) - $6.2, 3075 screens, week 3, $52.4 total

6. Definitely, Maybe (Uni) - $5.1, 2220 screens, week 2, $21.7 total

7. Be Kind, Rewind (NL) - $4.1, 808 screens, week 1, $4.1 total

8. Juno (FoxS) - $4.1, 1727 screens, week 12, $130.3 total

9. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (Uni) - $3.9, 1873 screens, week 3, $35.4 total

10. There WIll Be Blood (Par Van) - $2.5, 1402 screens, week 9, $34.9 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means pretty much exactly what it states. Vantage Point took in twice as much as the next place movie, which is Jumper, which, I don't know if you've seen it, but is just a giant, terrible mess of a motion picture. Vantage Point I am wholly indifferent to, and plan on forgetting the film's existence in about 4 weeks then never remember it again until it comes on cable some night.

Be Kind, Rewind performed poorly, which truly is a shame because it's a lot of fun and deserves to be seen by more people. Oh, the estimate given for both Be Kind and Juno was exactly the same, but I'd expect a bump for Juno. (Note: After I wrote this, that Diablo Cody girl who wrote Juno -and whom I'm told is single, so hopefully she'll cast her fetching eye my way- won an Academy Award. I'd expect the Juno numbers to be a little higher. Just sayin). Also in a heated dispute are Spiderwick, and terrible Jumper movie. And There Will Be Blood seemed to be fighting it out with The Bucket List.

Seriously. The Bucket List. While we all slept, that movie has made almost $85 million.

Not making anywhere $85 million was Witless Protection, a "comedy" starring that Larry the Cable Guy... guy. Somehow, this is his third starring role in a motion picture. Anyway, it made just over $2 million on 1333 screens. I don't know what else to say about this. Also, Charlie Bartlett, another movie of some kind that may or may not feature Robert Downey Jr. , opened up just below Witless Protection. I'm just confounded.

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $590,000 on 727 screens, bringing it's grand total to $41,698,000 in 5 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, Will Ferrel does the arrogant sports jerk with funny hair routine, which is always good for a chuckle. Also, watch as No Country For Old Men pops on to the top ten, as it just won the Best Picture Oscar.

Until next weekend....

Box Office Blah Blah Blah....

Dude here again. I apologize for another truncated box office report, but I just moved all my stuff into a new apartment that's being difficult with the internet service. Thank goodness for the fine folks at the Coral Cafe, who provide amazing food at good prices, and whether they realize it or not, free wifi.

This weekend, four new movies opened up, on a Thursday, for some weird reason. And that knocks Rambo out of the top ten. Which is not cool. Seriously. Think about what you've done. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday, or maybe Tuesday because of a holiday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Jumper (Fox) - $27.2, 3428 screens, week 1, $33.8 total

2. Step Up 2 The Streets (BV)- $19.6, 2470 screens, week 1, $26.2 total

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Par) - $19.0, 3847 screens, week 1, $21.3 total

4. Fool's Gold (WB) - $13.0, 3125 screens, week 2, $42.0 total

5. Definitely, Maybe (Uni) - $9.6, 2204 screens, week 1, $12.8 total

6. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (Uni) - $8.8, 2387 screens, week 2, $29.1 total

7. Juno (FoxS) - $4.6, 1865 screens, week 11, $124.0 total

8. The Bucket List (WB) - $4.1, 2307 screens, week 8, $81.0 total

9. Hannah Montana... Concert Tour (BV)- $3.2, 685 screens, week 3, $58.4 total

10. 27 Dresses (Fox) - $3.1, 1936 screens, week 5, $69.9 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means Anakin Skywalker can open a movie without being Anakin Skywalker, even if Mace Windu is spending the movie kicking his ass. (Man, I love Star Wars). It also means that something called Step Up 2 The Streets can sell a lot of tickets, when what the public truly wants, neigh, NEEDS, is You Got Served... Again!

Spiderwick Chronicles opened up to decent numbers, and might prove to be profitable in the upcoming weeks, but I think fantasy films, specifically those based on children's fantasy novels, are fading from popular opinion, regardless of the quality. (Spiderwick seems to be the best reviewed of this week's flicks.) And Definitely, Maybe kinda, sorta, didn't do all that great, no doubt inspiring countless writers far more talented than me to come up with a pun on the title far below their talent that's still far more decent than my "Kinda, sorta" quip. (It's been a long week, kids, bear with me).

Below the top ten, George A. Romero's Diary of the Dead took in $225,000 on 42 screens. I'd like to point out my happiness (For the Hitchhiker's Guide significance) at the number of screens being 42.

And in the "Because It's There" series: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, a movie that made me weep worse than a 9 year old, second-place beauty pageant contestant, took in $354,000 on 181 screens, bringing it's grand total to $4,843,000 in 12 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, more movies open. My pancakes are here, so I'm gonna go knock these out. Then drink heavily. So my new neighbors will know what they're getting themselves into.

Until next weekend....

In case anyone wants...

This will show you the new Indiana Jones trailer.

And, I'm finally allowing myself to get a little excited about it.

Diary of the Dead

Whoa is me. Today is a sad day. It is with great sadness, and a heavy heart, that I report to you the latest film from George A. Romero, George A. Romero's Diary Of The Dead, is not a very good movie. Bear in mind that I love Dawn of the Dead beyond anything, and I also actually found Land of the Dead to be damn entertaining. So it's worth noting that this is a major misstep backwards for Romero, which is a damn shame.

Diary of the Dead is a major misfire of an idea that should have been cool. It's basically a first person telling of the beginning of the zombie uprising. It's told from home video camera, security camera feeds, and news clips uploaded from "the net". It's similar in execution to Cloverfield, and the results are also quite similar. In fact, I could grab my Cloverfield review, hit Find/Replace on the titles, and you'd have pretty much the same review for Diary of the Dead. And the tragic problem in both pictures? The lead characters.

Once again, we're treated to nameless twenty-something who are the most obnoxious, selfish, moronic people on Earth. Seriously. I don't understand how these movies continue to present the stories of people I can't stand to be around in real life. Their plight just isn't as dramatic, and it takes too long for me to want them to be zombie fodder.

The characters in Diary of the Dead are horrible people AND are uninteresting, to boot. There's the main guy, I think his name is Jason. He never stops filming the events, because he's a true documentary filmmaker, unless it's to upload his images on his MySpace page. (72,000 hits in the past 24 hours!!!). He doesn't even put the camera down when his girlfriend gets attacked by her zombie brother. That's true love for you. The girl isn't any better, as she is the de facto "narrator" of the film, who never lets a moment lie on the screen without commenting on it in the most on the nose fashion possible. Then there's a guy who looks like Karl Urban, but without the nuance. Really made me wish Karl Urban was in this movie.

There are, however, some interesting side characters that make you long for a movie about them instead. There's a group of survivors who are more than happy that they have some power. And there's the greatest Amish character to ever grace the screen. I wanted to watch a movie about him, and only him. The five minutes he shows up in the film made me love the movie. But then it was back to the whiny brats.

I wanted to like this movie a lot. Romero always paints a great, zombie infested world smothered in subtle social satire. This time around, he practically hits you over the head with it. And what he has to say doesn't seem all that fresh. There's also a major fundamental flaw with the flick: It presupposes a world where zombies have never existed. (I assume, because the tool boxes with the cameras were making a mummy movie, that mummies have captured the nation's attention the way zombies have now). A novel idea that's impossible to swallow, due to the work of the man who now presents us this... motion picture experience.

Diary of the Dead is a severely flawed movie that, like the other recent first person footage horror film, works well on paper but fails horribly in execution. While there are a few things to admire (The Amish guy is almost worth the price of admission alone), the concept would work much better with characters who are actually, you know, worth spending your time with. A sad misstep for Romero, but one that makes me think if he were to continue along this way, that something good might come from it.
(Image from a much better zombie movie)

UPDATED: Now HERE'S where the future of Zombie movies should be headed. Not a "rebooting" where nobody knows what a zombie is.

Box Office Report: This weekend

Dude here again. I get to fulfill a lifelong dream and be in a ninja movie later today, so this is going to be a truncated report. And I know that half the time when I say things like this, it just sounds like nonsense, but I am telling the absolute truth.

This weekend, McConaughey rules all by just taking off his shirt. (No bongo drums involved whatsoever) Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Fool's Gold (WB) - $22.0, 3125 screens, week 1, $22.0 total

2. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (Uni) - $17.1, 2386 screens, week 1, $17.1 total

3. Hannah Montana... Concert Tour (BV)- $10.5, 687 screens, week 2, $53.3 total

4. The Eye (LGF)- $6.6, 2470 screens, week 2, $21.5 total

5. Juno (FoxS) - $5.72, 2321 screens, week 10, $117.6 total

6. 27 Dresses (Fox) - $5.70, 2841 screens, week 4, $65.3 total

7. The Bucket List (WB) - $5.3, 2753 screens, week 7, $75.0 total

8. Rambo (LGF) - $4.1, 2717 screens, week 3, $36.5 total

9. Meet The Spartans (Fox) - $4.07, 2446 screens, week 3, $33.9 total

10. There WIll Be Blood (Par V) - $4.07, 1620 screens, week 7, $26.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means precisely what I said about Matty McC (as I like to call him, much to my spell-check's happiness) and his ability to draw folks in with his charms. It's a shame because the movie looks like Sahara 2, with Kate Hudson in the Steve Zahn role. and that's just not that appealing to me, but it was to at least $22 million of people.

Let's see, what else... Roscoe Jenkins was welcomed home to a nice amount. Martin Lawrence still draws folks in. Hannah Montana thing dropped a large amount, but it was never intended to be a large scale, long term release, so now it's all just more lining for studios pockets. And Rambo is making more money, which is good because that movie owns you. And you know it.

Below the top ten, the Paris Hilton led The Hottie and the Nottie opened up on 111 screens and took in roughly $25,000. Which means about 25 people per location actually paid money to see The Hottie and the Nottie. And yet, it's still a better performance over that Jessica Simpson flick that opened a few months ago.

And in the "Because It's There" series: The Orphanage took in took in $172,000 on 98 screens, bringing it's grand total to $6,737,000 in 7 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week some other movies open. All on Valentine's Day, for some stupid reason, as if people have that day off. Buncha jerks.

Lost Speak: 2-8-08

Fuck yeah, Lawnmower Man! And dude from the first Saw movie, ghost whispering for cash! And whenever Jeremy Davies shows up, I know something unsettling is about to happen. Don't believe me? Check out Ravenous, then Solaris. Dude showing up is just bad news. I'm enjoying Lost thus far, and I'm kind of upset to see it wrapping up. (Even though we get three more seasons, still.)

Thoughts?

Box Office Report: Super Bowl Weekend!

Dude here again. Rage has subsided from last week's report. I'm sorry, but that Spartans movie just irritates me. But there's always a silver lining. And another target of my rage. But I feel I used up all my venom between Spartans and that Alvin movie, that it's time to take a step back and a deep breath. And relax. Which I have done.

This weekend, a concert movie featuring Disney superstars took the nation by storm. But I'm not going to let them disturb my peaceful frame of mind. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Hannah Montana... Concert Tour (BV)- $29.00, 683 screens, week 1, $29.0 total

2. The Eye (LGF)- $13.0, 2436 screens, week 1, $13.0 total

3. 27 Dresses (Fox) - $8.4, 2976 screens, week 3, $57.1 total

4. Juno (FoxS) - $7.4, 2475 screens, week 9, $110.2 total

5. Meet The Spartans (Fox) - $7.1, 2643 screens, week 2, $28.3 total

6. Rambo (LGF) - $7.0, 2764 screens, week 2, $29.7 total

7. The Bucket List (WB) - $6.8, 2915 screens, week 6, $67.6 total

8. Untraceable (ScrGms) - $5.4, 2368 screens, week 2, $19.4 total

9. Cloverfield (Par) - $4.9, 3007 screens, week 3, $71.9 total

10. There WIll Be Blood (Par V) - $4.7, 1507 screens, week 6, $21.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour made an obscene amount of money. It was originally supposed to play for only one week, but the staggering success has apparently extended the run another week. The concert movie made over $42,000 per screen. It is also apparently "the biggest Super Bowl Weekend" release ever, including the week that Titanic movie played. But that's not going to bother me.

The Eye came in second place, proving that Jessica Alba is... I just don't know how to finish that sentence. That 27 Dresses movie is performing pretty strong. And way to go, Juno! And it looks like Rambo is actually taking in more money than the Spartans. See? I'm being positive!

Below the top ten, two other wide releases opened up and took in little money. Over Her Dead Body, with Paul Rudd and a desperate housewife, took in $4.6 million. And Strange Wilderness, with Steve Zahn of all people, took in a little more than $3 million. Neither had favorable reviews, and both will disappear shortly.

And in the "Because It's There" series: Michael Clayton took in took in $1,770,000 on 1010 screens, bringing it's grand total to $44,163,000 in 18 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week we see if the Montana crowd keeps at it. While some other movie opens.

Until next weekend....