Box Office Report: 21? Really?

Dude here again. On yet another Sunday. Dreading the prospect of what the week holds in store. Sunday's are vaguely depressing. Luckily, there's always the box office numbers to cheer me up! Let's turn those blues into... greens? No that's stupid.

This weekend, a newcomer knocks down the elephant, and another Irag movie fails to garner interest. And yet another parody movie opened up. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. 21 (Sony)- $23.7, 2648 screens, week 1, $23.7 total

2. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $17.4, 3826 screens, week 3, $117.2 total

3. Superhero Movie (Wein/MGM) - $9.5, 2960 screens, week 1, $9.5 total

4. Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns (LGF) - $7.7, 2016 screens, week 2, $32.8 total

5. Drillbit Taylor (Par) - $5.8, 3061 screens, week 2, $20.5 total

6. Shutter (Fox) - $5.3, 2756 screens, week 2, $19.1 total

7. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $4.8, 3055 screens, week 4, $84.9 total

8. Stop-Loss (Par)- $4.5, 1291 screens, week 1, $4.5 total

9. College Road Trip (BV) - $3.5, 2270 screens, week 4, $38.3 total

10. The Bank Job (LGF) - $2.8, 1605 screens, week 4, $24.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that a bunch of kids trying to take down the system in Vegas attracted a lot more people than expected. Sadly more than $21 million, thus denying a wonderful sense of symmetry, but close enough. Gambling puns abound, 21 captured the top spot and no doubt has inspired countless morons to believe that they, too, can beat the system much like the characters "based on a true story!"

Superhero Movie opened up, a mere two months after Meet The Spartans. Apparently this one has fewer pop culture jokes, and makes unfunny jokes about super heroes. Anyway, it didn't do all that well, and not nearly as good as the aforementioned Spartans. Which is kind of sad, but maybe it means these films will take a breather for a little while.

Stop-Loss, Kimberly Pierce's portrait of the Iraq war, was not met well, despite having some spectacular reviews. It further feeds the fire on the argument that people don't want to see movies about the war. And Run Fat Boy Run, starring the lovable Simon Pegg (whom I made laugh once), opened up to about $2.3 million, the weakest of all the wide releases.

Below the top ten, a movie called Flawless and a movie called Priceless came out. They both roughly made the same amount of money (less than $200,000) but I found it funny that Flawless and Priceless are both kinda penniless. (ZING!)

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: There are no more Rambo numbers to report. Let's take a moment and think about what that means, and what Rambo has brought to all of our lives.

There you have my break down. Next week, a horror movie. And a movie that isn't a horror movie. And something else. But hey, only a month until we get to the big summer blockbuster season! Chock full 'o superheroes! It's gonna be rad!

Until next weekend....

Box Office Report: Jesus' Re-birthday Weekend

Dude here again. I'm currently camped outside Target, anxiously awaiting the clearance of Easter merchandise. The day after, they drop the price over 50%! Because nothing says good cheer like discount Peeps!

This weekend, is Tyler Perry in drag enough to combat Dr. Seuss? Almost. But not quite. But it could change by tomorrow for all I know. But it probably won't. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Horton Hears A Who! (Fox) - $25.1, 3961 screens, week 2, $86.4 total

2. Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns (LGF) - $20.0, 2006 screens, week 1, $20.0 total

3. Shutter (Fox) - $10.7, 2753 screens, week 1, $10.7 total

4. Drillbit Taylor (Par) - $10.2, 3056 screens, week 1, $10.2 total

5. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $8.6, 3454 screens, week 3, $76.1 total

6. Never Back Down (Sum)- $4.8, 2729 screens, week 2, $16.8 total

7. College Road Trip (BV) - $4.6, 2575 screens, week 3, $32.0 total

8. The Bank Job (LGF) - $4.1, 1613 screens, week 3, $19.4 total

9. Vantage Point (Sony)- $3.8, 2124 screens, week 5, $65.3 total

10. Under The Same Moon (Wein) - $2.6, 266 screens, week 1, $3.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that Horton once again reigns supreme. But hot on it's heels is yet another movie from the Tyler Perry factory. Once again eschewing critics' screenings, Perry (and Lionsgate) knows his audience will show up for his films. And to similar numbers. (The only one that hasn't done too well is the Daddy's Little Girls, and I think it may be due to the absence of Madea, Perry's "Funnier than Norbit" cross dressing character. Anyway, it made money, and all is well with the world.

Three other movies also opened up wide this week. Shutter, yet another American remake of a Japanese horror film, this one with the luxury of actually casting a former member from Dawson's Creek (instead of my usual Dawson-esque description to describe the cast). That was neck and neck with Drillbit Taylor, the latest from the Apatow factory. Due to the less than happy (but not Walk Hard bad) numbers, expect the 20 comedies to follow to downplay the "From the makers of Superbad" declaration in the ads.

And something called Under The Same Moon opened up really well for 266 screens, and being in Spanish. Although, Perry's film has the highest average in the top ten this weekend.

Let's give it up for The Bank Job, which continues to have the lowest drop from weekend to weekend. In a just world, this movie will continue to pull in $4 million every weekend until the next Statham movie rolls around. Sadly, the world inside my head is far different from the one I exist in. And I weep silently in the alley. And drink.

Below the top ten, ummm.... I can't really see any smaller release that opened. Thus making this paragraph rather useless. Sure, I could just delete the words, but I've already gone through the trouble of writing them, and by this point, it's far too late for you to stop reading it.

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $57,000 on 136 screens, bringing it's grand total to $42,726,000 in 9 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, more films open up that I can ridicule without seeing. And they will make money. Or not. The decision is literally up to you.

Until next weekend....

Happy St. Drinkin's Day

Yeah, this is the picture from last year. So what?

Box Office Report: The Day Before St. Patrick's Day

Dude here again. Gearing up for a hard day of celebrating the wonderful St. Patrick, the patron saint of Guiness. It's been an intense year of training, but I think I'm finally ready to handle my share of Irish Car bombs tomorrow! Should there be no box office report next week, it will be due to me losing out to the drink. Will it be worth it? Only time will tell.

This weekend, they finally get a Dr. Seuss adaptation correct. And it makes a truckload of money! Plus, some other surprises! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Horton Hears a Who! (Fox) - $45.1, 3954 screens, week 1, $45.1 total

2. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $16.4, 3410 screens, week 2, $61.2 total

3. Never Back Down (Sum)- $8.6, 2729 screens, week 1, $8.6 total

4. College Road Trip (BV) - $7.8, 2706 screens, week 2, $24.2 total

5. Vantage Point (Sony)- $5.4, 2761 screens, week 4, $59.2 total

6. The Bank Job (LGF) - $4.9, 1613 screens, week 2, $13.1 total

7. Doomsday (Rogue) - $4.7, 1936 screens, week 1, $4.7 total

8. Semi-Pro (NL) - $3.0, 2270 screens, week 3, $29.8 total

9. The Other Boleyn Girl (Sony) - $2.9, 1212 screens, week 3, $19.1 total

10. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Par) - $2.3, 2407 screens, week 5, $65.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that people with far too much time on their hands will come up with little rhyming headlines based on Horton making lots of money. I will spare you all that. not because I'm lazy, but because I respect you. Anyway, Horton made a lot of money. It will probably continue to make lots of money, as the kids love the Dr. Seuss these days. Right?

Somehow, Never Back Down took third place. Seriously. I can't make this up. What hurts most about this is that Doomsday, which is actually a damn decent and fun flick, only took in about half of that of that. (A little more, really, but still). What is Never Back Down? And why is Doomsday getting such a bad reputation? It rules! And nobody's seeing it!

And audiences continue to recognize the brilliance of Roland Emmerich's 10,000 B.C.! That brings a smile to my face.

Below the top ten, the polarizing Funny Games opened up on 289 screens, and took in $520,000. Not bad, for what is essentially a shot for shot remake of a ten year old German film. I've heard that audiences and critics are not really responding favorably to the violence in the picture, but I've also heard that's the point. Just sayin...

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $110,000 on 201 screens, bringing it's grand total to $42,617,000 in 8 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, Owen Wilson has a new movie that Danny R. McBride costars in, which means the movie will promise at least five to ten minutes of genuine comic gold. There's probably something else that will open, too. But watch the animated elephant take it again.

Until next weekend....
(Wilfred Brimley. Prince of Thieves).

Distractions from work

Lately, work has been slow. So I spend a lot of time examining the interweb. I've found a few things that are awesome and worth checking out, if you haven't seen them yet.

Stuff White People Like - A collection of things that make me ashamed to be a white man. (Though not as shameful as a wedding party doing the electric slide)

Garfield Minus Garfield - When you take Garfield out of the Garfield comics, Monday's become a lot better. Even if Jon seems a lot sadder.

And because I was looking it up on the YouTubes, I found a blast from high school geometry past.

And something from the good old General Cinemas that I can't remember if I've already shown or not.

Remember Boner?

From Growing Pains? (Not the euphemism for an erection caused by, say, a recent Academy Award winning screenwriter).

I wonder what Boner's been up to lately...

Tonight we're gonna party like it's 10,000 B.Stupid

Sweet merciful crap, is 10,000 B.C. a terrible movie. It's damn enjoyable, however. Let me put it this way, it's no Pathfinder, but it's pretty damn close.

There's so much that's wrong about this movie. The scene with the wild ostriches attacking. The sabre tooth tiger scenes. The choice of letting the characters speak English, sometimes in a Jamaican sounding accent. The eight or so prophecies that are all to be fulfilled by the one guy. The racial undercurrents that would be offensive if the movie weren't so stupid. 10,000 B.C. is like an adorable puppy that just crapped all over your bed. You can't get too mad, because look at how cute the puppy is. But you've still got a bed full of shyte.

And yet, I enjoyed the whole thing. I will never see it again. but I had a great time watching it. It truly is this year's Transformers, pure spectacle and absolutely no brain power needed whatsoever. Seriously, this movie feels like it was made on a system of dares. As if Roland Emmerich thought to himself "I'll have a scene with fearsome attacking ostriches, almost identical to the scene with the baby Godzillas in my previous movie. They'll have to take it out". And then is kind of surprised that they didn't take it out.

The special effects are pretty good. The mammoths the wooliest. The tigers' teeth the sabre-ist. But that's about it. Oh, I also kind of liked the lead guy, played by Steven Strait. I thought he did a real good job, not cracking up once through the whole movie. And Camilla Belle is just hot, but then you realize that every other women in the film looks like me. And Camilla looks fantastic, and with some make up, and "peasant dirt". But she's hot.
And then there are pyramids being built by captured tribes folk, and more nonsense involving prophecies. Then the white dude turns out to be the sole saviour of the African slaves that were kidnapped. But the hot girl needs to...

You see how this review makes absolutely no sense? It's akin to watching 10,000 BC. It makes no sense, and you get angry with yourself for enjoying it. But it's still very entertaining. And very, VERY stupid.

The Foot Fist Way

Fred Simmons is one hell of a Tae Kwon Do instructor. Actually, he's not. He's pretty terrible. And unbelievably deluded about his position in the world. And kind of a jerk. And as played by Danny McBride, one of the damn funniest comic characters on screen in a long time. Almost rivaling Ron Burgundy in sheer arrogance and comedic brilliance.

The Foot Fist Way tells the story of Fred Simmons, as his life slowly unravels due to a cheating wife. Driven by rage and anger, he eventually goes on a road trip with with two of his Tae Kwon Do students to see a demo of the legendary Chuck "The Truck" Wallace. That's as close to story as the movie gets. I feel awkward making the comparison, but the movie has a Napoleon Dynamite kind of feel: Very loose and free flowing, full of random one-liners and a few physical gags that kill, and even though it seems like not much is happening, it's pretty hilarious.

Of course, this movie isn't really about story. It's about performance. A brilliant performance, to be precise, from Danny McBride.

Danny McBride (not the one who co-wrote those crappy Underworld movies, the guy from Hot Rod and Heartbreak Kid) plays Fred Simmons perfectly. Everything the man says is comic gold. McBride commits himself mind, body and soul to this character and the results are pure hilarity. Simmons is the kind of person that you don't ever want to spend too much time with. He's an ass, and he's bound to make any situation that much more uncomfortable. McBride seems keenly aware of this and pushes this as far into squirming territory as it can possibly go.

Take the scenes with Denise, a cute young girl who's interested in Tae Kwon Do. Any scene that involves her, and Fred's "relationship" with her just makes you wish the scene would end for her sake. But for the audiences' sake, it continues. And keeps going. To brilliantly funny conclusions, mind you.

The movie is full of characters and one liners, most of which you'll miss from laughing too hard the first time. Ben Best (who along with McBride and director Jody Hill, co-wrote the film) is quite good as The Truck, a fading martial arts star and Fred's idol. And Jody Hill has a brief turn as Mike, a level-5 black belt, which means nothing because he doesn't believe in levels. And Mary Jane Bostic as Fred's hot and slutty wife is spot on. And the kid who plays Julio, Fred's young apprentice at the dojo. Everyone in this movie brings their game on, and delivers.

Rumor has it that Will Ferrell and Adam McKay were slipped a tape of this, and loved it so much they threw their names behind it in order to give it a wider audience. And it's easy to see the appeal, especially because Fred Simmons is the kind of character that Will Ferrell excels at: The deluded, egotistical, blinded to reality (and non-sequiter spewing) know it all jerk. It's an apt comparison, and Ferrell and McKay have done a good job in getting this out there.

If there is any justice in the world, The Foot Fist Way will become the movie that college kids pop on with their drunk friends and quote ad infinitum. It's not a movie about gags and set ups, as much as it's about subtle, dry humor, deranged characters, and hilariously wrong lines of dialogue. I'm going to go out on a limb, and say even with the the onslaught of Apatow flicks coming out this year, you will be hard pressed to find a movie funnier than The Foot Fist Way. You owe it to yourself to see this movie, and help Danny McBride become the huge comedy star that he deserves to be. You'll thank me afterwards.

Bow to your sensei!

Box Office Report: Daylight Savings Weekend!

Dude here again. We did that time change thing last night, putting the clocks ahead an hour. I think it's pretty foolish to keep doing this back and forth thing. But I also find it incredibly arrogant that George W. Bush felt the need to actually change the dates when it happens, to give us more light. You are not the master of space and time, sir. That would be Doc Brown. Leave Daylight Savings Time alone! That's it. I'm finished. Let's get on with this.

This weekend, a really big, loud, dumb movie opened up. And so did 10,000 B.C. and one of them made far too much money than it deserves. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. 10,000 B.C. (WB) - $35.7, 3410 screens, week 1, $35.7 total

2. College Road Trip (BV) - $14.0, 2706 screens, week 1, $14.0 total

3. Vantage Point (Sony)- $7.5, 3163 screens, week 3, $51.6 total

4. Semi-Pro (NL) - $5.9, 3121 screens, week 2, $24.8 total

5. The Bank Job (LGF) - $5.7, 1603 screens, week 1, $5.7 total

6. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Par) - $4.8, 3246 screens, week 4, $61.7 total

7. The Other Boleyn Girl (Sony) - $4.0, 1167 screens, week 2, $14.6 total

8. Jumper (Fox) - $3.7, 2563 screens, week 4, $72.5 total

9. Step Up 2 The Streets (BV)- $3.0, 2251 screens, week 4, $53.0 total

10. Fool's Gold (WB) - $2.8, 2322 screens, week 5, $62.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that $35 million was painfully sucked away from poor fools stupid enough to pay their hard earned dollars to see the wooly mammoth movie. (Full disclosure: I am one of those fools, too). And that $14 million was taken away from the people who couldn't even give it to the wooly mammoth movie, but rather to Rayven Simone.

Adding insult to this injury, a perfectly fine Jason Statham bank robbery movie opened up to far less than either of these movies. This is just shenanigans. That's right. SHENANIGANS!!!

Right below the top ten, something called Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day did slightly less than 5 week old McConaughey abs. Gus Van Sant's Paranoid Park opened up on 2 screens and took in $30,000 and the highest per screen average. Even higher than the movie with the wild ostrich attack. The new Stephen Chow movie CJ7 opened up on 19 screens and took in $41,100. And the latest from David Gordon Green, Snow Angels, opened up on 2 screens to take in $14,000. The more fascinating films are rarely in the top ten, are they?

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $66,000 on 163 screens, bringing it's grand total to $42,465,000 in 7 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, Doomsday!!! That's all that really should matter.

Until next weekend....

Rorschach looks badass!!!!

And Nite Owl looks a little like Batman. And GOB from Arrested Development, but that's Patrick Wilson's curse (blessing?) to live with. But also, badass!

And Silk Spectre just looks HOT!

RIP: Gary Gygax

It is with great sadness that I bring you the news about the passing of a man very dear to a lot of your hearts. Gary Gygax. AKA- The inventor of Dungeons and Dragons.

I've known many of the readers of this site to have been touched by this man's creations, sometimes for hour long marathons assisted only by a bottle of RC Cola and Dio's Greatest Hits in the basement of a friend. I've seen D&D bring together the strangest assembly of folks to all convene and roll oddly shaped dice. And I know that Tim has Jeep's birthright, still proudly displayed in his house so that his young son may one day grow up to become a dork like his old man. (And Cool Uncle Mike).

I fondly remember Gygax on an episode of Futurama, where he, Al Gore, Uhura from Star Trek and Stephen Hawking were an elite squad of fighters. At the end, the universe gets sucked into oblivion, and Gary teaches everyone to play D&D. I laughed heartily.

So gentlemen (let's be honest, it's gentlemen), roll your dice for a fallen homey this evening. 12-sided, please.

(20-sided is just too big)

I finally caught last week's SNL

I've enjoyed the return of Saturday Night Live. It makes me laugh. these were my favorites.

Sue me, I've been slacking

Yeah. I know. I'm a slacker. It's what I do best, to be honest with you. That and witty bon mots that sound so much more clever in my head than when actually verbalized.


(Listen to your friend Billy Zane. He's a cool guy.)

Most of the slack comes from my recent move, as I've gone from the swank Valley Village to the wonderland of Van Nuys. For those with knowledge of NJ, it's like going from Montclair to Belleville. So, yeah, I've been moving and unpacking and watching a lot of television on the new HDTV we have set up that is courtesy of our new roommate.

It's... it's so pretty. When moving in, we decided to "break it in" with a viewing of Predator. For a 21 year old movie, I've never seen it look better.

But enough excuses, I'm gonna post some random stuff here, and if I've forgotten anything, leave me a comment, and I'll get right back to you on it. Or not. Let's be honest.

So, here's a few links to reviews of movies I've seen recently: The Signal and Chicago 10. Later this week, I'll have a Paranoid Park review to go up, and one for All The Boys Love Mandy Lane. I've been writing them for the websites, but for some reason, I forget to post them up here. Which sucks, because The Signal is pretty fuckin great, and I failed to get the word out.

And here are some tiny capsule reviews that I may expand upon later:
JUMPER - Sucks Balls, but I was highly entertained by what a mess it was.
THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY - Cried like a bitch. Very moving. I totally got into it.
BE KIND, REWIND - Absolutely loved this movie. Made me feel like I was 12 years old making movies in Rob's backyard again. It's not for everyone, but it pushed the right buttons with me. I'm working on my own Sweded version of Castaway right now. (I have a kickball with a picture of Owen Wilson on it, that's good enough).

Oh, Lost-speak. So, I was kind of far behind, but luckily the new roommate was smart enough to record Lost on the DVR (in HD, no less) and I finally caught up. Holy crap! While I enjoyed the odd twists behind Kate's story, I freakin LOVE what's going on with Desmond. This past episode was outstanding, and another reason why I think Lost is probably the best show on TV, despite what everyone tells me about Battlestar Galactica.

(Oh, but if one more person tells me I need to watch The fuckin' Wire, I'm gonna go buckwild up in this bitch. It's come to where I purposely avoid it just to irritate those who tell me what an amazing television show it is).

But yeah, Lost is kicking some ass, and I'm upset that it will end prematurely. But I'm sure T-Bone can tell us the deal with that.

Ummm.... I don't think I have anything else. Oh, my Diablo Cody fixation is up and running, spurred further by nude photos recently uncovered. (amazingly enough, AFTER the Oscar win.)



Yeah, I like her.

Box Office Report Fun Fact: This time last year, Wild Hogs was #1

Dude here again. Recovering from a Saturday filled with illness and macho movies on CInemax HD. Seriously. It started with the Conan movies. Then Gladiator. Followed by Braveheart. Then the premiere of 300. Let me tell you something about 300 in HD: It's FREAKIN' AWESOME!!!! Oh, right. Box office report.

This weekend, a few new movies opened up to low, low numbers. This will no doubt make executives cry. Which is sometimes a good thing, but really, studio executives have feelings, too. Mostly those feelings consist of hunger and exhaustion. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Semi-Pro (NL) - $15.2, 3121 screens, week 1, $15.2 total

2. Vantage Point (Sony)- $13.0, 3150 screens, week 2, $41.0 total

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Par) - $8.7, 3654 screens, week 3, $55.0 total

4. The Other Boleyn Girl (Sony) - $8.3, 1166 screens, week 1, $8.3 total

5. Jumper (Fox) - $7.6, 3128 screens, week 3, $66.8 total

6. Step Up 2 The Streets (BV)- $5.7, 2528 screens, week 3, $48.5 total

7. Fool's Gold (WB) - $4.6, 2845 screens, week 4, $59.0 total

8. Penelope (Sum) - $4.0, 1196 screens, week 1, $4.0 total

9. No Country For Old Men (Mira) - $4.0, 2037 screens, week 17, $69.5 total

10. Juno (FoxS) - $3.3, 1631 screens, week 13, $135.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that New Line has had a terrible week. Aside from being absorbed into the larger Time Warner monolith and losing the creative forces behind the company (who have been doing it for nearly 40 years!), they had the number one movie of the week. It's also the number one movie with numbers far lower than expected. And a Will Ferrell movie, no less? It sounds fool proof, and yet somehow it didn't work. Regardless, thank you New Line, for bringing us Lord of the Rings, Nightmare on Elm Street, and all the flicks in between.

(Including the uber-BADASS movie Shoot 'Em Up, which really needs more respect from the world).

What else do we have here? The Other Boleyn Girl, a movie with Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson, that is not (I repeat NOT) rated NC-17, opened up to decent numbers for a movie with these two lovely ladies that doesn't include intimate moments between them. I'm sure I'm going to be dragged to this thing, but that's cool because Eric Bana is also in it, and he usually kicks a lot of ass. And Penelope opened up to not very good numbers. I know nothing of this movie aside from Christina Ricci is in it. And growing up, she and I had the same orthodontist.

The Academy Awards were last week, and Best Picture winner No Country climbed back on to the top ten, pretty much making the same amount as Penelope. This is the highest grossing Coen brothers film yet, and the most praised. Also staying in the top ten is Juno, winner of Best Screenplay. Mmmm... Diablo Cody.

Wait, how the hell has Jumper made $66 million?!?!?!

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $235,000 on 402 screens, bringing it's grand total to $42,245,000 in 6 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, 10,000 BC!!! This movie is going to be amazing. And terrible. At the same exact time. I already have my ticket! It's this year's Transformers!!!

Until next weekend....

More Oscar Extravbonanza!!!

More than anything, the only award that mattered to me was Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová winning for Falling Slowly. And then that nice, classy move of bringing Irglová back on stage afterwards to say what she was gonna say. Goddamn that made me happy.

Second place was Diablo Cody. That girl just does it for me. (On an HDTV, that tattoo of hers is BOSSOME!)

In searching for pictures of Diablo Cody (not that I'm starting to stalk her or anything) I came across this lovely picture. Notice the shirt. Then notice the shirt in the tiny picture of me and Glen Hansard at the top.

It's totally a sign. Just sayin...

Box Office: Oscar Weekend Extravbonanza!

Dude here again. The Oscars are tonight. (Or last night, if you read this on Monday). But it's not like they matter anyway, because the only movie of any merit and importance ever came out THIS year. I speak, of course, of Rambo. So when all those awards are handed out, and the envelopes are empty, know that next year a storm is coming. A storm named Rambo!

This weekend, four more movies opened, and only one did any well. There's also a lot of close calls that will prove these numbers inaccurate by tomorrow anyway. Like my little disclaimer always says. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove this column wrong).

1. Vantage Point (Sony)- $24.0, 3149 screens, week 1, $24.0 total

2. Jumper (Fox) - $12.65, 3430 screens, week 2, $56.2 total

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Par) - $12.60, 3847 screens, week 2, $43.5 total

4. Step Up 2 The Streets (BV)- $9.7, 2480 screens, week 2, $41.4 total

5. Fool's Gold (WB) - $6.2, 3075 screens, week 3, $52.4 total

6. Definitely, Maybe (Uni) - $5.1, 2220 screens, week 2, $21.7 total

7. Be Kind, Rewind (NL) - $4.1, 808 screens, week 1, $4.1 total

8. Juno (FoxS) - $4.1, 1727 screens, week 12, $130.3 total

9. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (Uni) - $3.9, 1873 screens, week 3, $35.4 total

10. There WIll Be Blood (Par Van) - $2.5, 1402 screens, week 9, $34.9 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means pretty much exactly what it states. Vantage Point took in twice as much as the next place movie, which is Jumper, which, I don't know if you've seen it, but is just a giant, terrible mess of a motion picture. Vantage Point I am wholly indifferent to, and plan on forgetting the film's existence in about 4 weeks then never remember it again until it comes on cable some night.

Be Kind, Rewind performed poorly, which truly is a shame because it's a lot of fun and deserves to be seen by more people. Oh, the estimate given for both Be Kind and Juno was exactly the same, but I'd expect a bump for Juno. (Note: After I wrote this, that Diablo Cody girl who wrote Juno -and whom I'm told is single, so hopefully she'll cast her fetching eye my way- won an Academy Award. I'd expect the Juno numbers to be a little higher. Just sayin). Also in a heated dispute are Spiderwick, and terrible Jumper movie. And There Will Be Blood seemed to be fighting it out with The Bucket List.

Seriously. The Bucket List. While we all slept, that movie has made almost $85 million.

Not making anywhere $85 million was Witless Protection, a "comedy" starring that Larry the Cable Guy... guy. Somehow, this is his third starring role in a motion picture. Anyway, it made just over $2 million on 1333 screens. I don't know what else to say about this. Also, Charlie Bartlett, another movie of some kind that may or may not feature Robert Downey Jr. , opened up just below Witless Protection. I'm just confounded.

And in the "Because It's Rambo" series: Rambo, took in $590,000 on 727 screens, bringing it's grand total to $41,698,000 in 5 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, Will Ferrel does the arrogant sports jerk with funny hair routine, which is always good for a chuckle. Also, watch as No Country For Old Men pops on to the top ten, as it just won the Best Picture Oscar.

Until next weekend....

Box Office Blah Blah Blah....

Dude here again. I apologize for another truncated box office report, but I just moved all my stuff into a new apartment that's being difficult with the internet service. Thank goodness for the fine folks at the Coral Cafe, who provide amazing food at good prices, and whether they realize it or not, free wifi.

This weekend, four new movies opened up, on a Thursday, for some weird reason. And that knocks Rambo out of the top ten. Which is not cool. Seriously. Think about what you've done. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday, or maybe Tuesday because of a holiday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Jumper (Fox) - $27.2, 3428 screens, week 1, $33.8 total

2. Step Up 2 The Streets (BV)- $19.6, 2470 screens, week 1, $26.2 total

3. The Spiderwick Chronicles (Par) - $19.0, 3847 screens, week 1, $21.3 total

4. Fool's Gold (WB) - $13.0, 3125 screens, week 2, $42.0 total

5. Definitely, Maybe (Uni) - $9.6, 2204 screens, week 1, $12.8 total

6. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (Uni) - $8.8, 2387 screens, week 2, $29.1 total

7. Juno (FoxS) - $4.6, 1865 screens, week 11, $124.0 total

8. The Bucket List (WB) - $4.1, 2307 screens, week 8, $81.0 total

9. Hannah Montana... Concert Tour (BV)- $3.2, 685 screens, week 3, $58.4 total

10. 27 Dresses (Fox) - $3.1, 1936 screens, week 5, $69.9 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means Anakin Skywalker can open a movie without being Anakin Skywalker, even if Mace Windu is spending the movie kicking his ass. (Man, I love Star Wars). It also means that something called Step Up 2 The Streets can sell a lot of tickets, when what the public truly wants, neigh, NEEDS, is You Got Served... Again!

Spiderwick Chronicles opened up to decent numbers, and might prove to be profitable in the upcoming weeks, but I think fantasy films, specifically those based on children's fantasy novels, are fading from popular opinion, regardless of the quality. (Spiderwick seems to be the best reviewed of this week's flicks.) And Definitely, Maybe kinda, sorta, didn't do all that great, no doubt inspiring countless writers far more talented than me to come up with a pun on the title far below their talent that's still far more decent than my "Kinda, sorta" quip. (It's been a long week, kids, bear with me).

Below the top ten, George A. Romero's Diary of the Dead took in $225,000 on 42 screens. I'd like to point out my happiness (For the Hitchhiker's Guide significance) at the number of screens being 42.

And in the "Because It's There" series: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, a movie that made me weep worse than a 9 year old, second-place beauty pageant contestant, took in $354,000 on 181 screens, bringing it's grand total to $4,843,000 in 12 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, more movies open. My pancakes are here, so I'm gonna go knock these out. Then drink heavily. So my new neighbors will know what they're getting themselves into.

Until next weekend....

In case anyone wants...

This will show you the new Indiana Jones trailer.

And, I'm finally allowing myself to get a little excited about it.

Diary of the Dead

Whoa is me. Today is a sad day. It is with great sadness, and a heavy heart, that I report to you the latest film from George A. Romero, George A. Romero's Diary Of The Dead, is not a very good movie. Bear in mind that I love Dawn of the Dead beyond anything, and I also actually found Land of the Dead to be damn entertaining. So it's worth noting that this is a major misstep backwards for Romero, which is a damn shame.

Diary of the Dead is a major misfire of an idea that should have been cool. It's basically a first person telling of the beginning of the zombie uprising. It's told from home video camera, security camera feeds, and news clips uploaded from "the net". It's similar in execution to Cloverfield, and the results are also quite similar. In fact, I could grab my Cloverfield review, hit Find/Replace on the titles, and you'd have pretty much the same review for Diary of the Dead. And the tragic problem in both pictures? The lead characters.

Once again, we're treated to nameless twenty-something who are the most obnoxious, selfish, moronic people on Earth. Seriously. I don't understand how these movies continue to present the stories of people I can't stand to be around in real life. Their plight just isn't as dramatic, and it takes too long for me to want them to be zombie fodder.

The characters in Diary of the Dead are horrible people AND are uninteresting, to boot. There's the main guy, I think his name is Jason. He never stops filming the events, because he's a true documentary filmmaker, unless it's to upload his images on his MySpace page. (72,000 hits in the past 24 hours!!!). He doesn't even put the camera down when his girlfriend gets attacked by her zombie brother. That's true love for you. The girl isn't any better, as she is the de facto "narrator" of the film, who never lets a moment lie on the screen without commenting on it in the most on the nose fashion possible. Then there's a guy who looks like Karl Urban, but without the nuance. Really made me wish Karl Urban was in this movie.

There are, however, some interesting side characters that make you long for a movie about them instead. There's a group of survivors who are more than happy that they have some power. And there's the greatest Amish character to ever grace the screen. I wanted to watch a movie about him, and only him. The five minutes he shows up in the film made me love the movie. But then it was back to the whiny brats.

I wanted to like this movie a lot. Romero always paints a great, zombie infested world smothered in subtle social satire. This time around, he practically hits you over the head with it. And what he has to say doesn't seem all that fresh. There's also a major fundamental flaw with the flick: It presupposes a world where zombies have never existed. (I assume, because the tool boxes with the cameras were making a mummy movie, that mummies have captured the nation's attention the way zombies have now). A novel idea that's impossible to swallow, due to the work of the man who now presents us this... motion picture experience.

Diary of the Dead is a severely flawed movie that, like the other recent first person footage horror film, works well on paper but fails horribly in execution. While there are a few things to admire (The Amish guy is almost worth the price of admission alone), the concept would work much better with characters who are actually, you know, worth spending your time with. A sad misstep for Romero, but one that makes me think if he were to continue along this way, that something good might come from it.
(Image from a much better zombie movie)

UPDATED: Now HERE'S where the future of Zombie movies should be headed. Not a "rebooting" where nobody knows what a zombie is.

Box Office Report: This weekend

Dude here again. I get to fulfill a lifelong dream and be in a ninja movie later today, so this is going to be a truncated report. And I know that half the time when I say things like this, it just sounds like nonsense, but I am telling the absolute truth.

This weekend, McConaughey rules all by just taking off his shirt. (No bongo drums involved whatsoever) Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Fool's Gold (WB) - $22.0, 3125 screens, week 1, $22.0 total

2. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (Uni) - $17.1, 2386 screens, week 1, $17.1 total

3. Hannah Montana... Concert Tour (BV)- $10.5, 687 screens, week 2, $53.3 total

4. The Eye (LGF)- $6.6, 2470 screens, week 2, $21.5 total

5. Juno (FoxS) - $5.72, 2321 screens, week 10, $117.6 total

6. 27 Dresses (Fox) - $5.70, 2841 screens, week 4, $65.3 total

7. The Bucket List (WB) - $5.3, 2753 screens, week 7, $75.0 total

8. Rambo (LGF) - $4.1, 2717 screens, week 3, $36.5 total

9. Meet The Spartans (Fox) - $4.07, 2446 screens, week 3, $33.9 total

10. There WIll Be Blood (Par V) - $4.07, 1620 screens, week 7, $26.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means precisely what I said about Matty McC (as I like to call him, much to my spell-check's happiness) and his ability to draw folks in with his charms. It's a shame because the movie looks like Sahara 2, with Kate Hudson in the Steve Zahn role. and that's just not that appealing to me, but it was to at least $22 million of people.

Let's see, what else... Roscoe Jenkins was welcomed home to a nice amount. Martin Lawrence still draws folks in. Hannah Montana thing dropped a large amount, but it was never intended to be a large scale, long term release, so now it's all just more lining for studios pockets. And Rambo is making more money, which is good because that movie owns you. And you know it.

Below the top ten, the Paris Hilton led The Hottie and the Nottie opened up on 111 screens and took in roughly $25,000. Which means about 25 people per location actually paid money to see The Hottie and the Nottie. And yet, it's still a better performance over that Jessica Simpson flick that opened a few months ago.

And in the "Because It's There" series: The Orphanage took in took in $172,000 on 98 screens, bringing it's grand total to $6,737,000 in 7 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week some other movies open. All on Valentine's Day, for some stupid reason, as if people have that day off. Buncha jerks.

Lost Speak: 2-8-08

Fuck yeah, Lawnmower Man! And dude from the first Saw movie, ghost whispering for cash! And whenever Jeremy Davies shows up, I know something unsettling is about to happen. Don't believe me? Check out Ravenous, then Solaris. Dude showing up is just bad news. I'm enjoying Lost thus far, and I'm kind of upset to see it wrapping up. (Even though we get three more seasons, still.)

Thoughts?

Box Office Report: Super Bowl Weekend!

Dude here again. Rage has subsided from last week's report. I'm sorry, but that Spartans movie just irritates me. But there's always a silver lining. And another target of my rage. But I feel I used up all my venom between Spartans and that Alvin movie, that it's time to take a step back and a deep breath. And relax. Which I have done.

This weekend, a concert movie featuring Disney superstars took the nation by storm. But I'm not going to let them disturb my peaceful frame of mind. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Hannah Montana... Concert Tour (BV)- $29.00, 683 screens, week 1, $29.0 total

2. The Eye (LGF)- $13.0, 2436 screens, week 1, $13.0 total

3. 27 Dresses (Fox) - $8.4, 2976 screens, week 3, $57.1 total

4. Juno (FoxS) - $7.4, 2475 screens, week 9, $110.2 total

5. Meet The Spartans (Fox) - $7.1, 2643 screens, week 2, $28.3 total

6. Rambo (LGF) - $7.0, 2764 screens, week 2, $29.7 total

7. The Bucket List (WB) - $6.8, 2915 screens, week 6, $67.6 total

8. Untraceable (ScrGms) - $5.4, 2368 screens, week 2, $19.4 total

9. Cloverfield (Par) - $4.9, 3007 screens, week 3, $71.9 total

10. There WIll Be Blood (Par V) - $4.7, 1507 screens, week 6, $21.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means that the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour made an obscene amount of money. It was originally supposed to play for only one week, but the staggering success has apparently extended the run another week. The concert movie made over $42,000 per screen. It is also apparently "the biggest Super Bowl Weekend" release ever, including the week that Titanic movie played. But that's not going to bother me.

The Eye came in second place, proving that Jessica Alba is... I just don't know how to finish that sentence. That 27 Dresses movie is performing pretty strong. And way to go, Juno! And it looks like Rambo is actually taking in more money than the Spartans. See? I'm being positive!

Below the top ten, two other wide releases opened up and took in little money. Over Her Dead Body, with Paul Rudd and a desperate housewife, took in $4.6 million. And Strange Wilderness, with Steve Zahn of all people, took in a little more than $3 million. Neither had favorable reviews, and both will disappear shortly.

And in the "Because It's There" series: Michael Clayton took in took in $1,770,000 on 1010 screens, bringing it's grand total to $44,163,000 in 18 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week we see if the Montana crowd keeps at it. While some other movie opens.

Until next weekend....

Lost-Speak 1-31-08

Did you all* catch Lost this evening? (Thursday evening if you're reading this on a day that isn't the 31st). I caught it. I liked it. I like how they're utilizing the flashbacks. I really wish the writer's strike was taken care of so that we can see what's beyond these upcoming 8 episodes.

I don't know who to trust anymore. And who are the 6? so many questions. Comments? (Spoilers allowed in the comments.)

*By all, I mean Tim and Brady, because they're the only ones I know who read the blog and watch Lost. But anyone is welcome to join in the discussion.

I take it back

THIS is the only review of Rambo you will ever need.

You ever wonder...

What Star Wars might be like if they replaced Darth Vader's dialogue with James Earl Jones' dialogue from Coming To America?

I think it might look something.... like this

http://view.break.com/436851 - Watch more free videos

The easiest review of Rambo that can possibly exist and tell you everything you need to know about it

FUCK YEAH!!!

SO... SO... SO VIOLENT!

Box Office Report: Meet The Disappointment of Humanity

Dude here again. With an informative, completely unbiased view of the weekend box office numbers that will be heavily disputed. My report is not influenced in any way whatsoever by my opinions of the content provided. I swear.

This weekend, a stupid, laugh-less comedy narrowly edged out the greatest action movie of the year in a low scoring winning. And below the top spot, several other releases have very close calls. Some of which are decent movies, others are pandering crap. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Meet The Spartans (Fox) - $18.7, 2605 screens, week 1, $18.7 total

2. Rambo (LGF) - $18.1, 2751 screens, week 1, $18.1 total

3. 27 Dresses (Fox) - $13.6, 3074 screens, week 2, $45.3 total

4. Cloverfield (Par) - $12.7, 3411 screens, week 2, $64.2 total

5. Untraceable (ScrGms) - $11.2, 2368 screens, week 1, $11.2 total

6. Juno (FoxS) - $10.3, 2426 screens, week 8, $100.1 total

7. The Bucket List (WB) - $10.2, 2915 screens, week 5, $57.6 total

8. There WIll Be Blood (Par V) - $4.8, 885 screens, week 5, $14.7 total

9. National Treasure: Book Of Secrets (BV)- $4.66, 2154 screens, week 6, $204.1 total

10. Mad Money (Over)- $4.61, 2470 screens, week 2, $15.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? You remember that shame I brought down upon the Earth for letting Alvin and The Chipmunks make over $200 million? That's nothing compared to the shame sandwich I'm gonna force down your gullets for actually allowing Meet The Spartans to make money. What is wrong with you? How does a transformer, showing up in Sparta, playing the "Leave Britney Alone" guy on itself equate to comedy? How can you just willingly accept that as comedy? To the tune of $18 million,no less!??!?

And Rambo was denied a perfectly acceptable number one opening victory. Possibly. It's probable all these estimates are a bit off and positions could change. Along those lines, Juno and The Bucket List are awfully close. Same with National Treasure and Mad Money. Which means that around $9 million worth of people hadn't seen National Treasure or Mad Money, but really needed to this weekend. If shame were rain...

On the plus side, the Academy Award nominations gave significant boosts to all of the Best Picture nominees, including an appearance on the top ten of There Will Be Blood. The next few weeks should increase all the films' tallies.

Oh, Untraceable opened up respectably, but it looks pretty dumb. Cloverfield, which I thought was also pretty dumb, dropped 68% from last week, questioning the legs of the film. And How She Move, some movie about dancing or possibly about moving, opened up in in the #12 spot with just under $4 million.

Below the radar, U2 3D opened up on 61 screens and took in $961,000. I presume that's a movie about U@, and it's in 3-D. It could also be about R2D2's cousin, and I think that would be the movie I prefer. Also opening this week, 4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days, a Romanian film about abortion that many were outraged was shafted from the Academy Awards' Best Foreign Picture award, opened up on 2 screens and took in $48,000.

And in the "Because It's There" series: Beowulf took in took in $98,000 on 214 screens, bringing it's grand total to $82,159,000 in 11 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week Jessica Alba plays blind. And that will probably take a lot of money as well. But at least The Eye won't insult your intelligence.

Until next weekend....

Oh, Jessica Alba... at least we'll always have those fries.

So, I finally got to see The Eye, the latest magnum opus from Jessica Alba. Ms. Alba, as you may remember, briefly courted me. But I was too much man for her to take. I think she cried, and immediately ran off into the arms of some dude who knocked her up. (Sadly, disturbingly, not the first time it's happened).

Anyway, I saw it, but since I feel the need to keep the site I write for happy with exclusive contact, I'm merely going to link to the review.

The short version is, it's ass.

Something cheerful at least.

Bummed out about Heath Ledger's untimely passing?

Here's something to turn your chin up.

It's from Godzilla: Final Wars. It's Godzilla fighting the CG Roland Emmerich version of Godzilla. And it's amazing.



(If you happen to have access to Motorhead's "Ace Of Spades", I'd recommend playing that over the image. There's no Dark Side/Oz- type line up. It's just a badass song, is all.)

RIP- Heath Ledger

Sadly, this puts an indefinite moratorium on "I wish I knew how to quit you" jokes. Truly sad, and yet, one more reason why Hollywood stars should just stick to reefer. Because no one ODs on pot.

They just become Chong.

In all seriousness, this is kind of sad news, and it's going to cast the eeriest of pallor over The Dark Knight this summer. (Though, I still can't wait).

The Academy Award Nominations were announced today.

And just so we're all clear, Once received only one nomination while Transformers received three.

Sigh...



UPDATED: Fuckin'NORBIT received an academy award nomination, which is one more than Zodiac. And even though I didn't think Zodiac was the end all be all of movies (unlike most folks) there's still something seriously wrong with that.

Cloverfield

Cloverfield is NOT the end-all-be-all of movies. Nor is it the reinvention of cinema. It's a mildly entertaining monster picture, told from a fresh perspective that, while not building a better mousetrap, sets up an interesting concept that has me extremely hopeful for a better take on the subject.

The story is pretty self explanatory: There's a guy named Rob who has a crush on his best lady friend Beth. They sleep together one day, but then Rob screws it up and a month later he's leaving for Japan to take a job. At his going away party, Beth shows up with some tool, and sets Rob off, bringing to the table his true feelings for Beth, who can't handle this with Rob leaving for Japan, so she leaves the party in Downtown SoHo and makes it up to Central Park West in about 20 minutes. Oh, then a monster attacks the city.

See what I did there? I spent a lot of needless time on characters that you don't really give a crap about, because they're all yuppie douche nozzles. Drunk, yuppie douche nozzles, to be precise.

You know that guy at your office (or perhaps he's a friend of a friend) who's an asshole, but he knows he's an asshole and takes every opportunity to defuse the situation by declaring himself an asshole, as if that somehow excuses his assholic tendencies? Imagine a movie populated with nothing but him and his friends, and that's what the characters in Cloverfield are like. And there's twenty minutes of this! I swear to Odin I wanted to choke everyone with their MySpace page after the fifteen minute mark.

The only person I liked was Marlena, who was played by the funky chick in Mean Girls that the IMDB has helpfully informed me is named Lizzy Caplan. She's my kinda lady. She's also just at this party to stop by and say hi, then get to her real friends, which makes me think she's got more going on in her life. And the camera man has a crush on her, so he's filming her a lot. (To good comedic effect, actually). But that wasn't enough.

So, anyway, this monster appears and takes out the head of the statue of liberty and takes down a building outside where the party is happening. A large cloud of dust and smoke chases bystanders up the street, instantly declaring the monster a metaphor for 9/11. (Which is a good idea, being that Godzilla was created as a metaphor for Hiroshima and Nagasaki). Then it attacks the Brooklyn Bridge, where people are attempting to mass evacuate the city. And some parasitic lice fall off the creature and start making things difficult for everybody. And that was very cool. Then it's back to running away. Very shaky-cam running, which if you're too close to the screen, will make you nauseous.

It's not like Cloverfield is a bad movie. Far from it. It just makes some interesting choices that don't work. But, it makes even more interesting choices that DO work. I like that you get no explanation whatsoever as to the history of this creature, almost as if it were willed from the collective subconscious of NYC. I like that you only see the monster from vantage points that don't give it a clear view. Hell, I think you even see the monster too much, but that's okay.

But then there's the negatives of the movie, weighing down on my mind and making me dislike the film more and more. And that's overlooking the logic problems presented, such as where did this magic camera with unlimited battery power and the ability to survive explosions come from? Or how do they make it walking in the subway tunnels over 60 blocks in less than 2 hours? And, when they are in the darkened subway tunnels, how come the CHUDs don't attack? These minor quibbles irritate me far more than the "Where did the monster come from?" ever could begin to imagine.

I respect what the filmmakers of Cloverfield are trying to do, showing the very real emotional situation of getting to the ones you love in times of great chaos, and doing it on this very personal level. I'd just rather they chose more interesting people to tell this tale. And that is why if they make a sequel, I will definitely buy a ticket, because there are more tales to be told of this mystery creature. Even if they aren't CHUDs.

Box Office Report: Cloverfield Strikes! Star Wars... weeps

Dude here again. What I'm about to report takes a strong constitution. It's not something that I take lightly, as this is indeed a sad day about the state of modern cinema. With that in mind, I present to you this week's box office report. Well, the weekend, not the 3-day holiday tally. Because even though I have the day off, I don't want to do this thing twice. (It's a miracle it even gets done the first time).

This weekend, the result of a six month viral marketing campaign pays off to big numbers. How big? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Cloverfield (Par) - $41.0, 3411 screens, week 1, $41.0 total

2. 27 Dresses (Fox) - $22.4, 3057 screens, week 1, $22.4 total

3. The Bucket List (WB) - $15.1, 2915 screens, week 4, $42.7 total

4. Juno (FoxS) - $10.2, 2534 screens, week 7, $85.3 total

5. National Treasure: Book Of Secrets (BV)- $8.1, 2963 screens, week 5, $198.0 total

6. First Sunday (ScrGms) - $7.8, 2213 screens, week 2, $28.4 total

7. Mad Money (Over)- $7.7, 2470 screens, week 1, $7.7 total

8. Alvin and the Chipmunks (Fox) - $7.0, 2962 screens, week 6, $196.3 total

9. I Am Legend (WB) - $5.1, 2525 screens, week 6, $247.6 total

10. Atonement (Focus) - $4.7, 1291 screens, week 7, $31.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Cloverfield took in a great amount of money. (Curiously, though, not as much as Alvin and the Chipmunks in their opening weekend). What does a movie that makes $41 million in January do? It overtakes the top spot on highest January opening of all time. And what was the previous title holder for that distinction? Star Wars. (Granted, the Special Edition, but still). So while people are happy that the movie did so well (those able to watch the film without motion sickness), as a lifelong Star Wars dork, this news is terribly upsetting. Sigh.

Speaking of terribly upsetting, 27 Dresses took in $22 million, which is almost a million dollars a dress. And Mad Money tried to open, but that just wasn't in the cards. This was a weekend about giant monsters attacking.

Below the radar, Cassandra's Dream, the latest film from Woody Allen opened up on around a hundred screens and took in just over half a million dollars. ($501,000, to be precise). Not bad, but not very good either. Then again, Woody Allen isn't always about bringing in the Cloverfield numbers. Not this time anyway. And some movie called Blonde and Blonder opened up on 14 screens, and took in $26,500 total. Do with that what you will.

And in the "Because It's There" series: No Country For Old Men took in took in $1,351,000 on 818 screens, bringing it's grand total to $48,730,000 in 11 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week brings Rambo. Thank goodness for that.

Until next weekend....

In Other News

McConaghey hath spawned...

Talkin' Politics

What the fuck's goin' on with this fuckin' election?

I've been neglecting a shout out...

To friend of the blog Mike Shannon.

He's gone and made something I like. It's called Carbonated Pop Icons. It's pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. But go don't take my word for it.

Go check it out for yourself.

Then check out Part II, which was just made readily available!!

I think there's also places where you can vote for it's bossomeness. I'm not sure where, butI bet if Mike reads this, he will be quick to inform.

Box Office Report: 1-13-08

Dude here again. Taking a break from a long day of online Scrabble play, just so I can report the numbers your way. You see? You see the sacrifice I make? I do it out of love. (Love, which coincidentally garnered me 7 points on the scrabble board).

This weekend, we had numerous films open. Did any knock off tri-week champion National Treasure? Did Juno win over the entire movie going audience? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. The Bucket List (WB) - $19.5, 2911 screens, week 3, $20.9 total

2. First Sunday (ScrGms) - $19.0, 2213 screens, week 1, $19.0 total

3. Juno (FoxS) - $14.0, 2448 screens, week 6, $71.2 total

4. National Treasure: Book Of Secrets (BV)- $11.4, 3377 screens, week 4, $187.2 total

5. Alvin and the Chipmunks (Fox) - $9.1, 3384 screens, week 5, $187.7 total

6. I Am Legend (WB) - $8.1, 3353 screens, week 5, $240.2 total

7. One Missed Call (WB)- $6.1, 2240 screens, week 2, $20.6 total

8. P.S. I Love You (WB) - $5.0, 2323 screens, week 4, $47.0 total

9. The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything (Uni) - $4.4, 1337 screens, week 1, $4.4 total

10. Atonement (Focus) - $4.3, 950 screens, week 6, $25.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that almost the same amount of people opted for The Bucket List and First Sunday. In fact, when the numbers are revealed, there could be a switch in the positions. But I won't change this article, because, quite frankly, there's Scrabble to play. Still, $19 million opening for both films is simultaneously impressive and disturbing.

Juno was expected to be the big winner of the weekend, too, which is strange. Luckily for my apathy, I didn't have to change the position in the rankings this week for it! Go me!

A movie about a bunch of animated vegetables pretending to be pirates, who apparently don't do anything, came in ninth place, which is really sad. Any movie that boasts talking produce AND piracy is alright in my book, and deserves to make chipmunk dollars. That movie took in another disheartening amount of money this weekend, and might surpass National Treasure in the final tally. I can't really find enough variations of the phrase "For Shame" to express my sentiments about this revelation.

Below the radar, In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale opened up, much to the chagrin of marquee changing teens across the land. The latest from Uwe Boll (although, not technically the latest, as the film is 2 years old, and he's somehow made 3 more movies since) finally opened up. Sadly, it opened on 1631 screens, and barely took over $3 million dollars. While that is more than Bloodrayne took in it's entire theatrical run, it's apparent that Boll is far from House of the Dead-type numbers. This does not bode well for Postal, a halfway intelligible offering from the "Master of How?".

(It should be noted that I coined the term "Master of how?", and should it catch on, I want royalties).

And in the "Because It's There" series: Alvin and the Chipmunks took in took in $9,100,000 on 3384 screens, bringing it's grand total to $187,740,000 in 5 weeks. Just need to keep pointing that out.

There you have my break down. Next week brings a giant monster, as well as a movie with the girl from Knocked Up and the doctor show, who my friend prank called many many years ago. True story. She didn't know it was a prank call. Then three years later, she shows up in Under Siege 2. Coincidence? I think not.

Until next weekend....

Crispin Glover is a Goddamned GENIUS!

The best part of this video? Even without sound, it's brilliant.

Box Office Report: First of the new year (but same crappy movies)

Dude here again. Coming at you with a whole new year's worth of box office numbers. It's 2008, and even though there is a supreme lack of flying cars and robot manservants, it's still pretty okay. Besides, with the amount of jerks who can't drive (especially in LA), flying cars are probably not the best idea in the world, anyway.

This weekend, we had one new movie open. A lot of smaller, award caliber films expanded their screen counts, but really, only one movie opened to set the new year off right. Did it succeed? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. National Treasure: Book Of Secrets (BV)- $20.2, 3762 screens, week 3, $171.0 total

2. I Am Legend (WB) - $16.3, 3648 screens, week 4, $228.6 total

3. Juno (FoxS) - $16.2, 1925 screens, week 5, $52.0 total

4. Alvin and the Chipmunks (Fox) - $16.0, 3462 screens, week 4, $176.7 total

5. One Missed Call (WB)- $13.5, 2240 screens, week 1, $13.5 total

6. Charlie WIlson's War (Uni) - $8.1, 2594 screens, week 3, $52.6 total

7. P.S. I Love You (WB) - $8.0, 2471 screens, week 3, $39.3 total

8. The Waterhorse (Sony) - $6.3, 2777 screens, week 2, $30.8 total

9. Sweeney Todd (Par/DW) - $5.4, 1249 screens, week 3, $38.4 total

10. Atonement (Focus) - $5.1, 583 screens, week 5, $19.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that National Treasure has taken the top spot for 3 weeks in a row, just like the previous film did, and Book of secrets seems to be even more profitable, which means we can definitely anticipate a third chapter in the series, involving Nicolas Cage discovering something amazing from America's past that nobody really cares about so long as there's a glowing treasure at the end of it.

The next three spots there, I Am Legend, Juno and Alvin, seem to be caught in a three way tie, that I imagine some studio number crushers (unaffected by the recent strike) will suddenly discover that their movie made more than the other two. And it will probably be that damn chipmunk movie, because the universe likes to torture me.

The new movie that was released, One Missed Call, yet another entry in the "Let's remake every Japanese ghost movie from the past ten years, but make them really bland and forgettable so that it only does a week's worth of decent business." With a power lead like Ed Burns, who could have missed this flick? All I know is the preview was really annoying. And yet, it stilled pulled in $13 million dollars. Sometimes, even I get surprised by these things.

Below the radar, There Will Be Blood, added 49 more screens to take $1,337,000, a whopping 601%increase over last weekend. It once again contains the highest per screen average of $26,215. Not bad at all, and that movie will only continue to grow, until the $20 million mark, where PT Anderson movies generally all end up. Just sayin...

And in the "Because It's There" series: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story took in $1,700,000 on 2041 screens, bringing it's grand total to $17,183,000 in 3 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week brings a whole new host of movies begging for your hard earned dollars. All money better spent just giving it to me. Seriously, wouldn't you rather say "I gave money to the Dude" versus "I gave money to Alvin and the Chipmunks"? I think we all would prefer that.

Until next weekend....