More movies that came out that I saw and have opinions on

So, it's been awhile since I've seen some of these, but I'll try and do them justice. 

SPIDERMAN

Truth be told, this image could've come from any of the Spidey flicks.

Yeah, this was a pretty good flick. Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone were pretty great, and have wonderful chemistry. There is good action sequences (if ultimately unmemorable) and there's a lot of swinging. It's better than the last one, but that's not hard to accomplish. Ultimately, there's no real point to the flick (besides keeping the rights) and I look forward to the next one, as another Spidey adventure with these people would be great and exciting. But another origin story didn't need to happen, and the motive of The Lizard wanting to turn everyone in NYC into lizards, while admirable, is pretty silly.

Of course, I'm nitpicking a story about a dude with Spider powers. Worth checking out, but nothing special.

BATMAN

Bane Smash! Nolan fans get on the defensive!

Let me quantify this: It's a good movie! I liked the actors, I liked the scope of it, I liked how it tied in the storylines of the previous film while avoiding the question about where Heath Ledger was. I like how stupid Bane's voice is, and how I'm using in my everyday life, imagining what Bane is like selling insurance or buying feminine hygiene products. (The answer? Quite hilarious).

But goddamn does this movie take itself way too seriously. Especially for something that winds up playing really silly. Granted, it's not predicated on too many coincidences (like The Dark Knight.. watch it again, and you'll see what I mean. You'll also see that Katie Holmes was a better choice than Maggie Gyllenhaal, because Mags can't stop ACTING!)

So is it horrible? Absolutely not. Is it the greatest movie ever made? No. Is it a nice conclusion to the Batman trilogy of films? Yes. Is it better than those? No. Should I see it on IMAX? Probably. Seeing it on a smaller screen certainly diminishes some of the effect, especially in the action scenes, where I can actually tell what's going on. But is it the end all be all of superhero movies? No. Avengers was better.

There I said it.
 

DARK HORSE

The latest from Todd Solandz, maker of Welcome to the Dollhouse, Happiness, and Palindromes, this tells the tale of a 35 year old schlub from New Jersey who still lives at home with his parents, collects action figures on ebay, and has one of the greatest overinflated senses of self entitlement I've ever seen on screen that didn't involve an Oompa Loompa.

I want it NOWWWW!

The first four reels are pretty great, then the fifth gets into a weird, Lynchian dream logic state that at first infuriated me, but upon reflection have made me realize things about the movie as a whole that makes me like it more. Definitely worth seeing this one, especially to see an old Christopher Walken as the dad. And all the cliches of the douchebag NJ guy that the lead character does very well.

SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED

What a great little indie flick. It's funny, charming, has good performances, interesting locales, it doesn't go where you think it would, and it doesn't have that student film ending that another recent indie sci-fi flick had. (Another Earth, fuck you!)

Aubrey Plaza does a variation of her "I don't care" girl she plays so well, although it seems like she warms up and does care about things, especially the cause of going back in time with Mark Duplass. I really don't want to give too much away about this one, but it's definitely a gem of a flick in these dog days of summer.


TOTAL RECALL 
More like Total Retard! AMIRITE?!?!??

No, I am right. This movie is stupid, pointless, loud, ugly, obnoxious, and ultimately forgettable. It's like a big budget Freejack. It makes Lockout look like a masterclass of narrative cohesiveness. It makes me want to punch Len Wiseman in the face for wasting my time. It makes me want to punch whoever let him watch JJ Abrams movies and add ridiculous amounts of pointless lens flare to every shot. It's like he watched Blade Runner and Minority Report and Paycheck and I Robot and Fifth Element without the sound, and took the visual sense and NOTHING ELSE from those movies. Nothing makes any goddamn sense in this movie. It was physically painful to sit through this nonsense.

An apt visual to describe sitting through this movie.

That being said, Colin Farrell is pretty great in his role.