Just a bit of disclosure, I have read the first 5 books twice, and the last two only one time each. I have seen the movies multiple times, though, the first three repeatedly due to my former job as a projectionist. In general, yes I am a Harry Pot-head.
Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how quite to Live Blog on this site, so I'm just gonna keep this open and update it whenever I write something new! I think that's what the kids call live blogging these days.
I don't know, I'm of the 1.0 generation.
Let's Begin!
WARNING - It may get a little blue. And spoilers, I guess, too.
***********************************************************
9:13 AM - Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone - Chapter 1
So far so good.
9:14 AM - 2 pages down. Where the fuck is this Potter kid? What's with all these damn hippies in the streets?
9:15 AM - Oh, right. He's a baby.
9:16 AM - Thanks to former college roommate Jay, who bought this book ten years ago because he wanted to read anything that schools were banning. And then forgot that I was the last person he loaned it to.
9:22 AM - One Chapter down! 30 some odd left.
9:28 AM - Man, Harry's aunt and uncle are dicks.
9:38 AM- Alright, Chapter 4 already!
9:44 AM - These are really short chapters. This book is super easy to read.
9:52 AM - Did the screenwriters just copy and paste the text for the first film? Or am I just glossing over nostalgia and cinematic memories?
9:55 AM - Inspired by my last question, I've decided to play the movie in the background. The rate I'm ripping through these chapters, I might be able to finish them both at the same time, although I doubt the scenes will match up.
10:01 AM - There are a lot of ads on this first DVD.
10:04 AM - Yeah, it's almost dead on. I know why they cut the things they cut, but I'll be damned.
10:05 AM - This was a bad idea. I've stopped reading. Like our nation's youth after the last Harry Potter book. (ZING!) Time to turn off the television.
10:09 AM - YAY! Harry got an Owl!
10:15 AM- These are awesome descriptions of this bizarre new world Harry Potter has entered.
10:22 AM - Already at Hogwarts! Let the fun begin!
10:28 AM - I wish Ithaca College was more like Hogwarts. Would have been a more wondrous and magical educational experience. Didn't even mean that pun!
10:35 AM - I should really look for a job instead of reading 7 books today. Probably be a smart move.
10:36 AM - Yay Quidditch!
10:41 AM - Hmmm... internet conked out. Gonna keep typing, and when it comes back, I'll post the backlog.
10:46 AM - Wow, taking a few moments away from reading to type is really kind of distracting. How did Mike Ryan do this with 6 movies?!? I guess it's easier with movies vs. print.
10:53 AM - Do I even have the other books? I'm pretty sure I have the last two, but I think my old roommate has the other ones. Son of a...
10:59 AM - This is a stupid idea. I have tons of other books I should read instead of re-reading something. There's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which I should get to before the movie gets made so I can say that the book was better.
11:08 AM - Enough of this foolishness. I'm gonna watch Doom instead.
11:15 AM - Universal logo over Red Mars instead of Earth! Goddamn this movie rocks!
11:22 AM - Handle ID, The Kid? Handle ID Goat? Handle ID Sarge? Not even disguising that this is a video game.
11:30 AM - WHOA! The female lead is Grimm's SISTER?!?! What a twist! Hopefully this movie passes the Bechdel test!
11:31 AM - Oh right. It doesn't.
11:34 AM - Nobody's splitting off into pairs. Smart. You don't want to mess with these things.
11:40 AM - "Does it bother you that you could have spent your life behind a microscope instead of a sniper scope?" "If they're so smart, how come they're so dead?" That's how you write fuckin dialog, Sorkin. Take a lesson, then eat a bowl of dick.
11:40 AM - Studio 60 my ass.
11:55 AM - The Kid is on drugs! How can he hunt for monsters on drugs?!? Unless it's a statement about how much more fun video games are when you're on drugs. This movie's got layers, people.
11:58 AM - Like an onion.
12:04 PM - Any movie that requires the use of a bone saw gets an extra half star.
12:09 PM - Is there a better modern day composer than Clint Mansell? His work here is hardcore, I need it to follow me around. Especially at the gym.
12:17 PM - Portman, you bastard! You sold out the rest of the crew!!
12:28 PM - Made myself a sandwich. Mesquite Turkey and Pepper Jack Cheese. Pretty tasty.
12:19 PM - Big Fuckin Gun! And it looks like it shoots fluoride, to boot!
12:20 PM - Oh man, some shit is going down!!!!! Cage-match style!!
12:23 PM - The creature kinda looks like "Satan" in Split Second, with Rutger Hauer. That movie rocks, too. Is it on DVD?
12:24 PM - No, it is not. Note to future film programmers, great double feature here.
12:25 PM - The Rock is starting to lose it! Oh no!
12:28 PM - So there's an extra chromosome that allows the creature to choose between good and evil? Haven't seen that in a movie before. Way to tread new ground! No sarcasm required.
12:31 PM - Oh shit! It's made its way to the ark and is now on Earth! We're doomed!
12:32 PM - Oh, I get it, Doom!
12: 38 PM - Now the Rock is full on section 8. Ordering the Kid to kill civilians? The village was cleared, the people are innocent Sarge!
12:39 PM - (That line's from Universal Soldier, but kinda fits anyway)
12:44 PM - First Person Shooter scene. Most innovative thing in cinema this past decade. Cameron didn't even TRY to replicate it with Delgo 2: The Quickening. So good, I have to share it. Thanks You Tube.
12:51 PM - SHOWDOWN!! URBAN V. ROCK!!! WHOEVER WINS, WELL, WE ALL WIN, REALLY!!!
12:59 PM - End credits! Nice, they blow everyone away except those who survived the movie!
1:07 PM - Cool, I still have the rest of the day to look for work. Hopefully the internet is back up and running!
1:08 PM - It's not. Time for Death Race or Outlander! But no more live blogging. At least, not until I can figure it out.
UPDATE: 10:53 PM - Still no job, but watching Troll, which features not one, but TWO characters named Harry Potter.
2 comments:
If I had a wish, my wish is that you could write shit like this for a living, so you wouldn't have to look for work, and I would always be thoroughly entertained after a hard day at my work. Of course, I wish I could make a living commenting about the shit you write for a living so that your shit would be my work.
Your shit would be my work! Why don't more sewage treatment plants have that for a motto? Wow, another line of work!
Sounds a bit like Congress should adopt it as their motto, too!
ZING!
Topical Humor!
Post a Comment