Box Office Report: Salvation

Dude here again. Taking a moment away from the big soccer match to report the numbers back to you. Do I do it out of love? A sense of obligation? Schadenfreude?!? Stop, please. They're all right.

This weekend, I take comfort, a quantum of solace if you will, in knowing that the mall cop has been stopped. I breathe a sigh of relief, and believe for a brief moment the promise that was made when Obama took office: Change. Finally, a sense that aforementioned change is at hand. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Taken (Fox) - $24.6, 3183 screens, week 1, $24.6 total

2. Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Sony)- $14.0, 3206 screens, week 3, $83.3 total

3. The Uninvited (Par/DW) - $10.5, 2344 screens, week 1, $10.5 total

4. Hotel For Dogs (Par/DW)- $8.7, 3160 screens, week 3, $48.2 total

5. Gran Torino (WB) $8.6, 3015 screens, week 8, $110.5 total

6. Slumdog Millionaire (FoxS) - $7.6, 1633 screens, week 12, $67.2 total

7. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (ScrGms) - $7.2, 2942 screens, week 2, $32.7 total

8. New In Town (LGF)- $6.7, 1941 screens, week 1, $6.7 total

9. My Bloody Valentine 3-D (LGF) - $4.2, 1406 screens, week 3, $44.6 total

10. Inkheart (WB) - $3.7, 2655 screens, week 2, $12.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means you don't mess with Liam Neeson. (Unless you're Darth Maul). Taking a commanding opening as a father who will stop at nothing to get his daughter back, Liam Neeson kicked everybody's collective arse and took the top spot at the box office this weekend. It sounds like it should be a record, but alas, the record record for Stanley Cup Weekend still belongs to Hannah Montana Concert nonsense. It doesn't matter. Because you know that Liam Neeson will be silently waiting to dispense his own brand of justice. Watch your back, Chuck Norris.

Opening in third place is The Uninvited, the harrowing story of me and my friends' parties. Kidding of course (I have no friends), The Uninvited opens up a few weeks after The Unborn, which leads to a lot of confusing. (But a lot of happiness for the kids at the theater who have to change the marquee in colder climates). I have no idea what either movie is about, so I'm assuming they both involve scary images that don't add up to a coherent narrative.

New in Town! Nobody in theaters.

What's going on with Gran Torino? Clint Eastwood's most successful movie to date! I guess it's appealing to a lot of people who like watching movies about my old racist grandfather. (Although to be fair, Clint is a lot warmer in his racism).

Outlander, the viking vs alien movie that kinda sorta rocked my face off, made $8,100. A drop of 86% from last week. You're just not trying, people. I drove to Mexico to go see it. That's how dedicated I am to the cause of movies featuring aliens and vikings. Throw in a robot, and I will not know of any reason to ever make another movie ever again.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, He's Just Not That Into You and Pink Panther 2 come to assault me with terrible taste and emasculation prowess! At least I know Liam Neeson will be standing guard. Just waiting...

Until next weekend.......