It's My Car

Larry's review of Zookeeper

"Dude, it's a masterpiece of awful and unfunny."

-Larry

Yeah, so here's They Might Be Giants doing a cover of Tubthumping

They Might Be Giants covers Chumbawamba

I drink a whiskey drink, I drink a vodka drink, and when I have to pee, I use the  kitchen sink.

I sing a song that reminds me I'm a urinating guy.

Catching up on some flicks, and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, I've got tons of excuses for not going to movies lately. But I've managed to see a few, and  here's what I have to say about them.

SOURCE CODE - Pretty terrific. The logic falls apart a bit by the end, but at that point I was so invested in the characters that I didn't care so much about logic. Duncan Jones makes great Outer Limits-esque storylines into compelling and awesome movies. (Loses points for not having as memorable a score as Moon).

HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN - Like a demented Troma flick that never was. Rutger Hauer does a great job portraying the titular hobo, and I mean that in no sarcastic terms whatsoever. He really gives a great performance. Probably best I've seen all year thus far. The movie itself is bloody and nihilistic, and would feel right at home in the early 80s alongside Troma's War. Worth checking out, just try not to let the color timing talk you out of it. (PS- The Plague OWNS!)

THOR - The stuff in Asgard was like watching the greatest 70s prog rock album cover come to life! Chris Hemsworth gives a star making lead performance as Thor (The diner scene alone is proof enough of this) and I look forward to seeing more of him as this character. The rest of the movie was pretty entertaining as well, though the Asgard stuff was certainly more compelling than the Earth-bound stuff. I was happy that it didn't feel like another 2 hour Avengers commercial (Iron Man 2, I'm lookin in your direction...) Plus any movie that has Natalie Portman AND Kat Dennings, yet manages to have an even hotter woman in the form of Jamie Alexander, who kicks Frost Giant ass, is alright by me.

PRIEST - This movie is like the inbred offspring of Underworld, Blade, and those crappy 20 minutes of Judge Dredd that took place in the wasteland. (As opposed to the crappy 80 minutes that took place in the major city). Hero of the blog KARL URBAN manages to be the only person (aside from the production designer, actually) that's having any sort of fun, and as such, any scene that doesn't feature him suffers greatly. This is a movie I wouldn't be surprised to find on How Did This Get Made. Yet, it's not so horrible it's entertaining, although it toes that line...

X-MEN FIRST CLASS - What a fun movie this turned out to be! I've been bitching and moaning about how the marketing for the film has focused way too much on showing almost everything, set piece wise (a claim which I still contend happened) but the result was far better than I was expecting. Terrific performances mostly all around, especially from McAvoy, Lawrence, and Fassbender. Only exception is January Jones, who is downright terrible, but is at least pleasing to look at in her underwear (which is practically the whole time). But they make up for it by casting EVERY awesome character actor to play minor parts, like James Remar, Ray Wise, and MICHAEL IRONSIDE! It felt like an old school Bond flick (Kudos to the composer for appropriate flavored tracks).

SUPER 8 - Unabashedly love this film. I can understand why people might not like it, and I can certainly understand the "Enough with lens flares, JJ" arguments, but quite frankly, I thought this was great. The kids were great, the nostalgic feel was pitch perfect, the kids filmmaking experiences is just as authentic as Son of Rambow's. Perhaps even more so. I may actually go and see this again in theaters. Just a great time. Can't recommend this enough.

On the video front, I recently caught The Mechanic (great Statham action flick, which means it's a pretty entertaining modern day Cannon flick), Due Date (rarely laughed, found it mean spirited and kind of obnoxious, actually) and I don't know if I mentioned this before, but Drive Angry is absolute shit.

Also, I've been mildly obsessed with the show Friday Night Lights, which I found dramatically compelling, but the continuity errors regarding the time of day/days of week, day/night, as well as the shaky cam editing can get a little obnoxious at times. Otherwise, it's great, although season 2 is getting a little crazy, but we'll see.

Wish I had these effects when I was a kid

We just had to use crap like our "Imaginations" and filming the TV to get Star Wars effects.

That Russian Dude with the Guns is BACK AND BIGGER THAN EVER!!!

Books... Check em out!

Occasionally I enjoy reading. More than occasionally, actually. Books are great. Just like this informative video tells us.



So recently I picked up The Devil's Candy, a book that chronicles the making of the Hollywood flop Bonfire of the Vanities. Nobody could have known while making it that the film would be as large a flop as it became.

(And certainly reading the book, you would have no idea that would happen, as it seemed to be a relatively easy shoot, not an unmitigated disaster of nonsense like Heaven's Gate or that Terry Gilliam film that never made it past 6 days of filming.)

All in all, it's a decent read, but what really makes it worth it, at least reading my copy of it, was this horribly inappropriate pull quote on the back from Kirkus Reviews.

That's one to grow on

Sure, it was from 1991, and there was no possible way of knowing what future events would lie in store, but, really, how fucked up a quote is this to say to begin with? On top of which, the book isn't really that ground breaking or provocative, or scandalous. It's quite passive agressive and full of meandering details that amount to nothing in the end.

Still, looks like I have a collectors' item on my hands.

Books... check em out!

ROADSIDE TRAILER

Check out this trailer I edited. It's for a movie I'm editing.

Fast Flippin Five!!! (and some other things)

Hands down, the best summer movie since Star Trek. Unbelievably badass and fun, in a turn your brain off and enjoy ridiculous fights, amazing car chases, and homoerotic tension between bros, bro.

My friend Larry says it best: It's like Bayhem, but with coherence.

Just a fun time at the movies, full of some terrific and exciting set pieces.

In Other News:

Den of Geek has a great interview with There's Always Mini Golf personal hero/patron saint KARL URBAN. Check that out.

Also, if you're in the market for a good podcast, check out How Did This Get Made. A bunch of funny people celebrating terrible movies. Well worth a listen.

Important message

This about sums it up.

And that's kind of a good thing.


Today Now! Interviews The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of "Fast Five"

Laughter... the best medicine.

Weird Al owns all.

Funny Or Die Beats Weird Al at Twitter from Al Yankovic

One more tweener... Win Win!

From the man who directed The Station Agent and The Visitor comes another great movie full of everything you love about movies. Great characters, great story, great acting, laughs, drama, heart, Bobby Cannavale, and a setting in New Jersey. (Even if it was shot in New York). The ending is a little too tidy and neat, but it doesn't matter. One of the best movies out there right now, and well worth checking out.

How about some Tweeners?!?

Haven't seen too many flicks lately, but I did catch a few and here's my opinion of them:

Paul: I thought this was terrific nerdy goodness. Some people complained that it was too full of references to other movies and pot jokes to be entertaining, but I disagree. I thought the references were actually necessary for character development (as this is how they would talk) and there's one scene where they smoke pot.  Also, I'm convinced that Pegg and Edgar Wright need to work together again, as I think Pegg's sensibilities are what's missing from Scott Pilgrim, but are more evident here. (Obviously). All in all, though, I really enjoyed Paul. Seth Rogen should do more voice work, and everyone who complains that the FX are terrible need to actually pay attention and not just board hype/hate trains. (Like the one that's knocking down Sucker Punch and Your Highness).

Also, you can't beat any movie that references to Mac and Me AND Capturing the Friedmans. Especially if that joke is right before the small cowboy line. 

Cedar Rapids: Pretty good, entertaining enough flick, but if you've sen the preview, you know most of the jokes already, which is a shame. Very slight, but still fun, and it actually has a core sweetness to it that's not pandering to mid-West folks, which is refreshing. In the beginning you think it's gonna be jokes about rubes who have faith, but ultimately it wins you over. Still, no need to rush out, it'll make a fine home viewing experience.

The King's Speech: Finally saw this, the last of the Best Picture nominees (and the eventual winner). What a good film! I can see how it won Best Picture over Facebook movie, and rightfully so. Like 127 Hours, you actually feel something after it's over. You see the man overcome his problems, you see his friendship with the doctor blossom amidst adversity, you see the epic scale of the war and of England's problems, and at the end, you feel good about yourself and humanity. You don't come out just thinking "Wow, what a well made movie." Performances are great across the board, direction is tight, some camera lenses are a bit weird, but who cares? Well worth checking this movie out, and well worth all the awards it did garner.

Sax Man

C3Pegg-0

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Battle Los Angeles: I saw it

Remove the first reel from the movie, and Battle LA was just like Tron Legacy: It's a freakin awesome spectacle that falls apart the moment you start to think about it. My solution: Don't think about it.

Full disclosure: I went in expecting to completely hate it based on everything I read elsewhere. On top of which, I'm a cynical bastard, and even the slightest thing can have me turn against a movie (slightly out of focus, framed too high/low, off sound mix). So when the awful shaky cam began, and inexplicably continued through the god-awful expository opening scenes, I was prepared to dismiss it, but give the guy who cut the trailer an Academy Award for tricking me so well.

Then reel 2 began, and that's when they should have just started the movie. I don't need or want to know anything about these stock characters. I still don't know anything about the characters, except there were three black guys and one had glasses, one had an accent, and one was angry, but he sort of disappears and I thought he was dead until his convenient "Arc" has to be resolved.

See what I mean about thinking about it too much?

Anyway, point is, that stretch from the Police Station to the Military base is damn exciting and intense filmmaking that miraculously managed to hook me in and turn my opinion of the film around. Yes, it's stupid, one-note, jingoistic as hell, and I'm probably a little dumber having seen it, but I still enjoyed myself and can't understand the extreme vitriol the film is receiving. Especially when a film like Drive Angry (shot in 3D!) exists, one of the worst movies I've ever seen unleashed to the public in a long time.

And you know what? Kudos to the filmmakers for not making this in 3D! That alone should garner half a star. Of course, were it in 3D, the nausea levels would be astronomical.

People in my audience were getting up and leaving, jag offs were checking their iPhones through the whole thing (seriously, people, knock that shit off. Screens are bright in a dark place, how can you not realize this, and why do you need to hold the screen right in front of you?), and there were people next to me who fell asleep (when the lights came up, I found piles of Pixie sticks layin on the ground, which would explain that part, but being they were late 20 yr old dudes, actually just raises more questions). My favorite reaction, though, was the woman behind me, who kept freaking out because the "locations" were a mile away from where we were watching it. ("That's the Overland exit!")

PS- I enjoyed that they keep calling it Battle LA, but didn't realize until the end credits that the LA stands for Louisiana. Despite what the woman behind me believes.

R. Bill Mountain's Response to the last post.

Due to Charlie Sheen taking up all the bandwidth server errors on the blogspot part, R. Bill Mountain, one of the six of you who still read this site, was unable to voice his opinion on the matter.

I now present to you his response:

Darn blogger wouldn't let me sign in to comment on yer blog. So here it is:

Agreed. Less marketing nonsense, more cinephilia. Fewer numbers, greater Karl Urban gags. Amen.

Time to make it about the pictures, man.

Balls. 

So there you have it. More Urban!!!

Who could refuse such an offer?

Box Office Report: The End?

Dude here again. As you might have been able to tell, I haven't been doing the box office report the past couple of weeks. The first week was because I was on a trip for the weekend, and didn't feel like bringing my computer.

The second week was because, well, I think I've reached the end of writing about box office reports. I've been writing one for the better part of 6 years for Moviesonline and for this blog, and while I love doing it there's only so much one can write about crappy movies making money.

This shouldn't come as a shock, I've been quite open and even openly belligerent towards my distaste of stupid films receiving lots of money while worthy films go into obscurity. And there's only so many ways one can talk about that for every week. Snark takes many forms, and I believe I used every one in my column.

It's been a lot of fun doing it, but I think, like Tom Petty says, "It's time to move on."

I will still continue to update the blog with my musings and ramblings, and occasional reviews of movies, but a lot of that spark has burned out as well, I'm afraid. Trailers give everything away from movies, websites are given constant videos of movies to the point where I feel I've seen the movie twice before it's even released in a theater. All the incessant coverage from movie sites, and their collective need to be "First" in reporting casting news and rumors like it's CNN World News, has really turned me off from wanting to write about it.

It's killing my love of movies, to be honest. And I can't let that happen.

Working in this industry is difficult and degrading enough as it is. When websites that were started out of fan devotion are becoming competitors (and ultimate destroyers) of venerable institutions like Variety and The Hollywood Reporter, something is wrong. Look, I don't need to know who's going to cameo in Hangover 2 until it inevitably shows up from Netflix. I especially don't need to know a year in advance of the film's release.

On top of which, reducing films to terms of commerce and judging their worth based on how much money they can make in short periods of time is just plain sad. It's like jocks kicked out the nerds and turned everything into a competition.

Or as Charlie Sheen would say, Winning! (TOPICAL HUMOR!)

Anyway, unless there's an overwhelming response from the readership, I don't think there will be anymore box office reports. I'll still put up mini reviews and wry comments, as always, but reporting on the numbers is indefinitely suspended.