Box Office Report: Yet Another Wizardly Edition

Dude here again. Coming off the holiday weekend. Not too many turkey naps this weekend, and no lunacy shopping at 5 in the morning. Just some nice family, a nice meal, and some black tar heroin.

Wait, what?

This weekend, that little punk wizard continues his domination, despite ample competition that wasn't really competitive at all. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Harry Potter and the Etc…. (WB)- $50.3, 4125 screens, week 2, $220.3 total

2. Tangled (BV) - $49.1, 3603 screens, week 1, $69.0 total

3. Megamind (DW) - $12.8, 3411 screens, week 4, $130.4 total

4. Burlesque (ScrGms)- $11.8, 3037 screens, week 1, $17.1 total

5. Unstoppable (Fox) $11.7, 3183 screens, week 3, $60.7 total

6. Love and Other Drugs (Fox)- $9.8, 2455 screens, week 1, $14.0 total

7. Faster (CBS) - $8.7, 2454 screens, week 1, $12.2 total

8. Due Date (WB)- $7.3, 2555 screens, week 4, $85.0 total

9. The Next 3 Days (LGF) - $4.8, 2564 screens, week 2, $14.5 total

10. Morning Glory (Par)- $4.0, 2441 screens, week 3, $26.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means Harry Potter has managed to capture the top spot for two weeks in a row! A feat not accomplished sine Goblet of Fire was released during the same time period five years ago. For fun, I took out my BO report from that weekend. Here's what I wrote:

"Well, if you're Harry Potter, you took the top once again, to no one else's surprise. It crossed the $200 million mark this weekend, not bad for about ten days of release. I have a feeling next week, it will once again take the crown, then start to lose steam once the Narnia movie and King Kong come out. But I've been wrong in the past, so who knows?"

I could basically take out the words "King Kong" and accurately predict the next two weeks of box office. It's difficult being this awesome sometimes. But well worth it.

Tangled, Disney's latest that isn't a Pixar but is still a computer animated fairy tale, fared quite well in its' first week of release. Almost taking the top spot, even. Not bad, and the lighter tone probably attracted a lot of kids who might have been "too scared" for the Harry Potter. Pussies. But yeah, don't expect Disney to stop making fairy tale movies just because they say they're going to. Because money talks, people.

As for the other new releases.. ouch. Burlesque didn't attract nearly the right amount of ironic viewers to make a significant dent, but not bad. Love and Other Drugs didn't make nearly enough to justify the amount of love and other drugs I had to take to sit through it.

And Faster? Not so fast, Dwayne Johnson. As much as I applaud any movie you star in the contains an R rating AND Billy Bob Thornton, it looks like I'm gonna have to act faster if I want to see this in a theater.

Fun Fact: I clipped my nails in the middle of writing this box office report!

Below the radar, Oscar-bation continues with the release of the heavily hyped The King's Speech, which took in $350,000 on 4 screens, with an amazing $87,500 per screen average. Expect to hear a lot about this one. Also, The Nutcracker 3D opened up on 42 screens and took in $68,000. Pretty bad, but here's another fun fact, it's from the man who directed Tango & Cash, which means I have to track down a theater and see it.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, a whole lotta nothing and one movie about Ninjas in the old west, co-starring Geoffrey Rush, which means it will be spectacular.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Karl Urban IS Judge Dredd!!

Which means I will love it.

And so will Bill.

Box Office Report: Another Wizardly Edition

Dude here again. Enjoying a fall morning. Poring over some box office numbers, with some green tea, chorizo and toast.

Come join me, won't you?

This weekend, in a stunning upset, Russell Crowe's movie defeats Harry Potter. And then Paul HAggis wakes up to disappointment. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Harry Potter and the Etc…. (WB)- $125.1, 4125 screens, week 1, $125.1 total

2. Megamind (DW) - $16.1, 3779 screens, week 3, $109.4 total

3. Unstoppable (Fox) $13.1, 3209 screens, week 2, $41.9 total

4. Due Date (WB)- $9.1, 3229 screens, week 3, $72.6 total

5. The Next 3 Days (LGF) - $6.7, 2564 screens, week 1, $6.7 total

6. Morning Glory (Par)- $5.2, 2544 screens, week 2, $19.8 total

7. Skyline (Uni)- $3.4, 2883 screens, week 2, $17.6 total

8. Red (Sum)- $2.4, 2034 screens, week 6, $83.5 total

9. For Colored Girls (LGF) - $2.4, 1216 screens, week 3, $34.5 total

10. Fair Game (Sum) - $1.4, 386 screens, week 3, $3.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that if Warner Bros didn't have half a brain, and released the new Harry Potter movie in the half assed 3D conversion we get, it still wouldn't beat that Dark Knight or Twilight record. But it's fun to dream about other people's money.

The Next Three Days, Russell Crowe's latest that I'll probably go see because I think Crowe is a solid actor and I like him in everything, even if the movies he's in aren't that great. But, yeah, a noble effort that was probably unnecessarily quashed.

It's nice to see Fair Game up in the top ten. It's not so nice when you realize it is NOT the Fair Game where Cindy Crawford gets naked.

Fun Fact: Aforementioned Fair Game is based on the same novel that Stallone adapted for his hit vehicle Cobra!

Below the radar, something called Today's Special took in $91,000 on 55 screens, something called Made in Dagenham took in $41,100 on 3 screens, and something called White Material made $36,300, also on 3 screens.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, a whole bunch of new ones come out, including an animated fairy tale, a musical with Cher, and a movie with The Rock, which is all around news for celebration.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

The Thing About Trailers

Trailers, for the most part, are starting to bug me. Part of me wants to blame it on age (Too loud, too many cuts and flashes, it's giving me a headache, etc.) and part of me thinks they give too much away.Either way, I find myself using that trailer time to take an all important last trip to the men's room before the movie starts, so I don't have another Star Trek/Inception incident.

That being said, these are some recently released trailers I've seen that look pretty flippin awesome.

Battle: Los Angeles - The movie could turn out to be worse than Skyline. But this is a great trailer, no matter how you slice it.


Your Highness - Fantasy movie from David Gordon Green, written by McBride, has a weird Gilliam vibe to it. Even if it turns out to be a mess, it's a spectacular mess. This is the red band, which means more cursing and brief Natalie Portman in a thong action.

More Your Highness Videos

The Mechanic - If it's January and it's got Statham, you know it's gotta be great!


And we'll close it out with some more aliens. This time with the extra added benefit of cowboys.

Harry Potter- Reading the Books Whilst Live Blogging!!!!

Inspired by what was originally a joke comment on the Movieline site regarding Mike Ryan's attempt to watch the first 6 Harry Potter movies all in a row, never having seen or read anything Potter-related, I have decided to start Live Blogging my reading of all 7 books before the release of the movie this Friday!

Just a bit of disclosure, I have read the first 5 books twice, and the last two only one time each. I have seen the movies multiple times, though, the first three repeatedly due to my former job as a projectionist. In general, yes I am a Harry Pot-head.

Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how quite to Live Blog on this site, so I'm just gonna keep this open and update it whenever I write something new! I think that's what the kids call live blogging these days.

I don't know, I'm of the 1.0 generation.

Let's Begin!

WARNING - It may get a little blue. And spoilers, I guess, too.
***********************************************************
9:13 AM - Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone - Chapter 1
So far so good.

9:14 AM - 2 pages down. Where the fuck is this Potter kid? What's with all these damn hippies in the streets?

9:15 AM - Oh, right. He's a baby.

9:16 AM - Thanks to former college roommate Jay, who bought this book ten years ago because he wanted to read anything that schools were banning. And then forgot that I was the last person he loaned it to.

9:22 AM - One Chapter down! 30 some odd left.

9:28 AM - Man, Harry's  aunt and uncle are dicks.

9:38 AM- Alright, Chapter 4 already! 

9:44 AM - These are really short chapters. This book is super easy to read.

9:52 AM - Did the screenwriters just copy and paste the text for the first film? Or am I just glossing over nostalgia and cinematic memories? 

9:55 AM - Inspired by my last question, I've decided to play the movie in the background. The rate I'm ripping through these chapters, I might be able to finish them both at the same time, although I doubt the scenes will match up.

10:01 AM - There are a lot of ads on this first DVD. 

10:04 AM - Yeah, it's almost dead on. I know why they cut the things they cut, but I'll be damned.

10:05 AM - This was a bad idea. I've stopped reading. Like our nation's youth after the last Harry Potter book. (ZING!) Time to turn off the television. 

10:09 AM - YAY! Harry got an Owl!

10:15 AM- These are awesome descriptions of this bizarre new world Harry Potter has entered.

10:22 AM - Already at Hogwarts! Let the fun begin!

10:28 AM - I wish Ithaca College was more like Hogwarts.  Would have been a more wondrous and magical educational experience. Didn't even mean that pun!

10:35 AM - I should really look for a job instead of reading 7 books today. Probably be a smart move. 

10:36 AM - Yay Quidditch!

10:41 AM - Hmmm... internet conked out. Gonna keep typing, and when it comes back, I'll post the backlog. 

10:46 AM - Wow, taking a few moments away from reading to type is really kind of distracting. How did Mike Ryan do this with 6 movies?!? I guess it's easier with movies vs. print.

10:53 AM - Do I even have the other books?  I'm pretty sure I have the last two, but I think my old roommate has the other ones. Son of a...

10:59 AM - This is a stupid idea. I have tons of other books I should read instead of re-reading something. There's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which I should get to before the movie gets made so I can say that the book was better. 

11:08 AM - Enough of this foolishness. I'm gonna watch Doom instead.

11:15 AM - Universal logo over Red Mars instead of Earth! Goddamn this movie rocks! 

11:22 AM - Handle ID, The Kid? Handle ID Goat? Handle ID Sarge? Not even disguising that this is a video game.

11:30 AM - WHOA! The female lead is Grimm's SISTER?!?! What a twist!  Hopefully this movie passes the Bechdel test!

11:31 AM - Oh right. It doesn't.

11:34 AM - Nobody's splitting off into pairs. Smart. You don't want to mess with these things.

11:40 AM - "Does it bother you that you could have spent your life behind a microscope instead of a sniper scope?" "If they're so smart, how come they're so dead?" That's how you write fuckin dialog, Sorkin. Take a lesson, then eat a bowl of dick.

11:40 AM - Studio 60 my ass.

11:55 AM - The Kid is on drugs! How can he hunt for monsters on drugs?!? Unless it's a statement about how much more fun video games are when you're on drugs. This movie's got layers, people.

11:58 AM - Like an onion.

12:04 PM - Any movie that requires the use of a bone saw gets an extra half star.

12:09 PM - Is there a better modern day composer  than Clint Mansell? His work here is hardcore, I need it to follow me around. Especially at the gym.

12:17 PM - Portman, you bastard! You sold out the rest of the crew!!

12:28 PM - Made myself a sandwich. Mesquite Turkey and Pepper Jack Cheese. Pretty tasty.

12:19 PM - Big Fuckin Gun! And it looks like it shoots fluoride, to boot!

12:20 PM - Oh man, some shit is going down!!!!! Cage-match style!!

12:23 PM - The creature kinda looks like "Satan" in Split Second, with Rutger Hauer. That movie rocks, too. Is it on DVD?

12:24 PM - No, it is not. Note to future film programmers, great double feature here.

12:25 PM - The Rock is starting to lose it! Oh no!

12:28 PM - So there's an extra chromosome that allows the creature to choose between good and evil? Haven't seen that in a movie before. Way to tread new ground! No sarcasm required.

12:31 PM - Oh shit! It's made its way to the ark and is now on Earth! We're doomed!

12:32 PM - Oh, I get it, Doom!

12: 38 PM - Now the Rock is full on section 8. Ordering the Kid to kill civilians? The village was cleared, the people are innocent Sarge!

12:39 PM - (That line's from Universal Soldier, but kinda fits anyway)

12:44 PM - First Person Shooter scene. Most innovative thing in cinema this past decade. Cameron didn't even TRY to replicate it with Delgo 2: The Quickening. So good, I have to share it. Thanks You Tube.



12:51 PM - SHOWDOWN!! URBAN V. ROCK!!! WHOEVER WINS, WELL, WE ALL WIN, REALLY!!!

12:59 PM - End credits! Nice, they blow everyone away except those who survived the movie!

1:07 PM - Cool, I still have the rest of the day to look for work. Hopefully the internet is back up and running!

1:08 PM - It's not. Time for Death Race or Outlander! But no more live blogging. At least, not until I can figure it out.

UPDATE: 10:53 PM - Still no job, but watching Troll, which features not one, but TWO characters named Harry Potter.

Awesome things around the Interwebs worthy of your attention

Like you, I occasionally have a lull from all my big business dealings and coke-fueled hooker orgies and I find myself with a little bit of time to spare. And what better way to waste it than by reading lots of awesome things on the Interwebs!?!

First up, I found this terrific piece about the Facebook movie and humanity in general from Zadie Smith over at the New York Review of Books. It produced this great quote, in a footnote no less, that I quite enjoy and puts some awesome things in perspective:

"Our relationship with the English language predates our relationships with our phones."

Next up, an awesome series over at The AV Club about Grunge in the 90s. They're up to part 4, but it's best to start at the beginning. The AV Club has a bunch of terrific series, like My Year of Flops and The New Cult Cannon, but this is the first one not involving movies I voraciously tore through.

And over at Overthinking It they've been having a fun series of articles over the past few weeks (non-Inception related, which is a nice feat) about one-dimensional female characters (with a terrific flow chart), when a female character is an archetype or a stereotype (complete with awesome picture), and now a defense of one-dimensional characters. Great stuff from a website that's mighty entertaining.

And finally, here's something for you to enjoy, courtesy of the man who made me my "You Go In Pieces" Dolph Lundgren shirt.

Terrific stuff.

Box Office Report: Stoppable

Dude here again. Coming at you with your bi-monthly box office report. Why bi-monthly? Because it's been a really busy time lately. What could possibly take me away from the fun of reporting the exchange of millions of dollars between consumers and multimedia conglomerates in exchange for two hours of entertainment?

Let's just say I took Beyonce's advice, and put a ring on it. 

This weekend, a clam before the Harry Potter storm. Or calm. Kinda works either way. But not really. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Megamind (DW) - $30.0, 3949 screens, week 2, $89.7 total

2. Unstoppable (Fox) $23.5, 3207 screens, week 1, $23.5 total

3. Due Date (WB)- $15.5, 3365 screens, week 2, $59.0 total

4. Skyline (Uni)- $11.6, 2880 screens, week 1, $11.6 total

5. Morning Glory (Par)- $9.6, 2518 screens, week 1, $12.2 total (Wed Open)l

6. For Colored Girls (LGF) - $6.7, 2127 screens, week 2, $30.9 total

7. Red (Sum)- $5.1, 2878 screens, week 5, $79.8 total

8. Paranormal Activity 2 (Par) - $3.0, 2403 screens, week 4, $82.0 total

9. Saw 3D (LGF) - $2.7, 1976 screens, week 3, $43.4 total

10. Jackass 3-D (Par)- $2.3, 1607 screens, week 5, $114.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that 3D animation trumps Denzel's speeding train. In an underwhelming weekend, Megamind continues to take in money that will next week go to the magical wizard. Because it wouldn't be a holiday season without an animated movie to distract us all.

Unstoppable proved to be stoppable (I feel shame for writing that) but still good enough for an impressive $23 million opening, on par with most Denzel Washington action fare. Bonus points for being a PG-13 Tony Scott movie. Rare is that.

Skyline is a curious case. It came in fourth, but made back its production budget, impressive for a movie financed by the FX house that created everything. (Thanks to that facial mapping of Armie Hammer in Social Network). But it's garnered some horrible reviews, most with the words "Gloriously" and "retarded".  Yet, with each horrific thing I read, my desire to see it increases exponentially.

Morning Glory, evening sadness.

Fun Fact: Hollywood actually took a break and didn't release a Christmas themed movie in early November! Progress!

Below the radar, Tiny Furniture, a movie whose preview is so twee it makes Paper Heart look like There Will Be Blood, opened up to an impressive $22,450. What makesthat so impressive is that was solely on one screen. Elsewhere, 127 Hours expanded and took in $453,000 on 22 screens. Gotta love a Danny Boyle flick.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, I may have mentioned the wizard movie, but there's also a Russell Crowe movie, which makes me smile a little bit. 

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

These animated depictions of celebrities gone bad

ARE AMAZING

Ed's QOTD 11-10-10

Hint for the previous one, the title is a word in the dialog!

NICK

You wanna know what a real criminal is, kid? It’s the son of a bitch that painted this car…I mean imagine defacing a work of art like this with a color like that. The man oughta have his ass removed.   

Some Doritos Ads for your Perusal.

My friend Andy, who assistance on the Fantastic Mr. Anderson was invaluable, has made a spec Doritos ad. 

Also, my friend Shane has a submission as well.

Check them out! Show them some love! The more my friends get work, the greater the chance I get some work.

Ed's QOTD 11-9-10

RACHEL

Oh, I see. So, underneath that apathetic exterior was actually a raging indifference.

M4 and M249

The horribly racist target behind was "Asian Triad Thug", which looked like pretty much every bootleg video cover you ever saw on a Chinatown sidewalk.

Extra Bonus Awkward Points: Two Asian men were standing next to me whilst I was making some terrific head shots on that target.

Truth be told, I didn't fire this weapon. But the Australian dudes in the lane next to us did.

And it was glorious.

Underworld was on Jimmy Fallon

They're promoting their new album BARKING, which upon first listen, I thought was too dance-y, but subsequent listens have won me over to its charm. Not their best, but a solid effort, nonetheless.

Anyway, they were on Jimmy Fallon last week. Here is hopefully some video.



They also played the West Coast this past weekend, the only time this year they will, but I missed it. Kicking myself, they put on AWESOME shows.

Ed's Quote of the Day 11-2-10

Yesterday's was from The Player.

DOC

What is wrong with me? What have you got? I am dying of tuberculosis. I sleep with the nastiest whore in Kansas. Everyone who knows me hates me and every morning I wake up surprised that I have to spend another day in this piss-hole world.

8-Bit Milkshakes

FINALLY, they answered my letters.


Super There Will Be Blood from Tomfoolery Pictures on Vimeo.

Benelli M3 Shotgun

The target behind me depicts a Nazi Zombie.

And to explain the outfit, they said since it's your bachelor party, if you're willing to humiliate yourself for the experience, you can shoot for free.

And that's what I did.

The best part is that you have to wait a long time to actually shoot, then it takes time when you're in the range, so a whole new crop of people had no idea why I was shooting a gun dressed like I was.

Ed's Quote of the Day 11-1-10

So my friend Ed has been sending me a "Quote of the Day" email every weekday for the past few weeks now. It's fun, it's nerdy, and sometimes it's so obscure that it makes me proud for remembering these things, and not things like biology or US History.

So I think I might try and make it a thing over here. Why? Because Ed did all the work for me already I'm a nerd who enjoys these things. Hopefully you will enjoy it as well.

Enjoy! (These Things)

LARRY

I can get back right after my AA meeting.

GRIFFIN

Oh Larry, I didn’t realize you had a drinking problem.

LARRY

Well actually, I don’t but that’s where all the deals are being made these days.

Box Office Report: Saw Saws See Saw. 3D

Dude here again. Happy Halloween! The box office reports have been sporadic, for this I apologize. Lots of changes going on in my life. Suffice it to say, it involves massive amounts of guns, strippers, booze, cars, and shenanigans. But who needs shenanigans when we have money to talk about?

That's the lesson I learned from that movie that's out now.

This weekend, a return to Halloween normalcy. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Saw 3D (LGF) - $22.5, 2808 screens, week 1, $24.2 total

2. Paranormal Activity 2 (ParV) - $16.5, 3239 screens, week 2, $65.6 total

3. Red (Sum)- $10.8, 3349 screens, week 3, $58.9 total

4. Jackass 3-D (Par)- $8.4, 3139 screens, week 3, $101.5 total

5. Hereafter (WB) - $6.3, 2424 screens, week 3, $22.1 total

6. Secretariat (BV) - $5.0, 3072 screens, week 4, $44.7 total

7. The Social Network (Sony)- $4.7, 2767 screens, week 5, $79.7 total

8. Life As We Know It (WB)- $4.0, 2860 screens, week 4, $43.4 total

9. The Town (WB)- $1.9, 1608 screens, week 7, $87.6 total

10. Conviction (FoxS) $1.8, 565 screens, week 3, $2.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that going the 3D route was the shot in the arm the Saw franchise needed to end out on top. Sure, it will probably be "Rebooted" in a year or so, but let's enjoy this while we can.

Paranormal Activity in second place. Remember that nonsense when the director of Saw 6 was gonna make that Paranormal Activity, then the Saw guys were all "Screw you, pal, you gotta make this last Saw movie"? You think they're gonna ask that guy to make the third Paranormal Activity?

Conviction made its way to the top ten, huh? Good job. No idea what it is aside from Sam Rockwell is probably involved.

Fun Fact: actor Richard Crenna invented tartar sauce!

Below the radar, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest, the third in the popular line of Swedish translations of those books you see everyone have at the airport and the starbucks, it opened up on 153 and took in $915,000. Also opening was Monsters, which opened on 3 screens and took in $21,000. (That one may also be available on your On Demand station. Technology!)

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Megamind and Hangover 2. I mean Due Date. But you know I really mean Hangover 2. 

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Uzi 9mm

Part of a series.

We're Just a Couple of Regular Guys, Walking Down the Street, With a Small Cowboy

Box Office Report: The Return

Dude here again. Some may say I missed last week's box office report because I was recovering from a Tandori wedding hangover, but I was merely protesting that far too many people voluntarily elected to see Life As We Know It. Rarely do I question the taste of the populace, but this was one of those times.

Seriously, who could willingly see that?

This weekend, the world is right again. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Jackass 3-D (Par)- $50.0, 3081 screens, week 1, $50.0 total

2. Red (Sum)- $22.5, 3255 screens, week 1, $22.5 total

3. The Social Network (Sony)- $11.0, 2868 screens, week 3, $63.1 total

4. Secretariat (BV) - $9.5, 3072 screens, week 2, $27.5 total

5. Life As We Know It (WB)- $9.2, 3150 screens, week 2, $28.8 total

6. Legend of the Guardians (WB) - $4.2, 2502 screens, week 4, $46.0 total

7. The Town (WB)- $4.0, 2368 screens, week  5, $80.5 total

8. My Soul To Take (Uni) - $3.1, 2529 screens, week 2, $11.9 total

9. Easy A (ScrGms) - $2.6, 2314 screens, week 5, $52.3 total

10. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (Fox) $2.3, 2045 screens, week 4, $47.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that finally, good sense prevails, and the number one movie is the most deserving. The Jackass boys blew away their previous openings (some will accuse the inflated 3-D prices) and proved once again that the world loves movies where idiots get hit in the junk.

Opening in second is Red, Bruce Willis and other older actors firing machine guns, and hopefully swearing up a storm. Just noticed the PG-13 rating, so it's probably just Grumpy Old Men with weaponry. Which is not a bad thing. Anyway, it, was an impressive opening, especially for Bruce WIllis, because if we elect to see him in other movies, the possibilities of Die Hard 5 are slimmer and slim… Nevermind, just read that it's fast-tracked. There is no justice.

Everything else is slipping silently. Social Network continues to chug along nicely. Finally saw it, but was more than a little disappointed at the lack of Farmville jokes.

Fun Fact: There is a scene in Wall Street 2 where money, in fact, DOES sleep!

Below the radar, no small release indie horror flicks, but more Oscar-bation as Hereafter, starring Matt Damon and directed by Clint Eastwood, opened on 6 screens and took $231,000. Also, Conviction, starring Hilary Swank, opened on 11 screens to take in $110,000. Time will tell if these movies will win numerous awards.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, a popular horror movie released this time last year gets a sequel, and the word Saw is not involved. Thankfully, neither is the phrase "3-D". However, that will happen the following week.

I had fun with the Michael Bay app thingie.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

In Honor Of Brady's Geocities Comment

I decided to provide this link that will let you turn any website into a Geocities inspired masterpiece.

So, I went and did this.

Decided to try something new.

If it's too weird and upsetting let me know. I'm still not 100% on it and I'm gonna fool around with it for a bit.

Not too much, though. We all know what happens when there's too much tinkering.

We get multiple editions on outdated media.

Anyway, let me know what you think. Like I said, it's not always gonna be like this. But figured I'd give it a whirl.

Fun Things To While Away the Hours at Work.

Here's a video for a band, or something. They're called Hollerado. My friend Daphne was involved in the video's creation.



Fun Fact: She also appears in the video, in the box on the bottom row, second from the left.

Here's a link to the preview for The Revenged, an Ed Klau joint. I didn't edit the trailer that runs, but I edited the scene that I have to finish cutting so we can put it on the site. Also, note that the trailer starts right up when you click the link, just be warned in case of weird noises.

And here's a video of a bullet spinning on ice, after being shot. I assume this means you shouldn't try it at home, but lord knows you want to.

You really really want to.


Talkin Tweeners: in case anybody cares, I still haven't seen Facebook movie, but I did see The Town (Quite Solid), Let Me In (Very Solid, if wholly unnecessary) and Resident Evil 4, which I summed up as the greatest Tool video ever made.

Looking back at that paragraph, I think I have to devise some sort of review system, something akin to "Thumbs Up", yet incorporating the word "Solid."

ie. "Fuckin Solid" = 5 stars
"Quite Solid" = 4 stars
"Solid"= etc.

I don't know, just something to think about.


WERE YOU AWARE... that the majority of traffic directed to this site randomly from Google Search is the word "Kuato" the misspelled "Cuato"?

So let's give the people what they want. More Cuato!!!

Open Your Mind

(For what it's worth, I always hoped I would be searched out for that Karl Urban quote fixation I had awhile back).

I did too, Dude - K.U.

Are there any Wes Anderson fans out there? Here's a nifty link to some early work he did while still in school. I found it interesting, but I also haven't subscribed to the hipster notion that he sucks isn't at the level he used to be. Again, I don't subscribe to it.

And speaking of Wes Anderson...



(Didn't think you'd get away without that, did you?)

Also, there's this now

It's Grover doing the Old Spice commercial. Which is kinda fantastic, really.

Box Office Report: Out of Facebook puns

So, Facebook movie is number one.

I was at a weekend event, and didn't get around to writing the report.

So instead, enjoy this video of a sexy lady pole dance with a ninja sword.

EMBED-Hot Chick Is A Pole-Dancing Ninja - Watch more free videos

Remarkably, it's fine for work.

Box Office Report: How Do I Unlike?

Dude here again. Has anyone been watching the current crop of new television shows? They're just as disappointing as all the summer blockbusters were this past summer. What the hell is going on? Are we just in a creative lull? Are people caring about other, more important things?

Like the upcoming elections taco salad? .

This weekend, the Facebook movie finally came out, along with two spoooooky movies. Because it's October, so we get horror movies and Oscar-Bation flicks. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Social Network (ScrGms)- $23.0, 2771 screens, week 1, $23.0 total

2. Legend of the Guardians (WB) - $10.8, 3575 screens, week 2, $30.0 total

3. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (Fox) $10.1, 3565 screens, week 2, $35.8 total

4. The Town (WB)- $10.0, 2935 screens, week  3, $64.3 total

5. Easy A (ScrGms) - $7.0, 2974 screens, week 3, $42.4 total

6. You Again (BV) - $5.5, 2548 screens, week 2, $16.4 total

7. Case 39 (ParV)- $5.35, 2211 screens, week 1, $5.35 total

8. Let Me In (Over)- $5.30, 2020 screens, week 1, $5.30 total

9. Devil (Uni) - $3.6, 2392 screens, week 3, $27.3 total

10. Alpha and Omega (LGF)- $3.0, 2303 screens, week 3, $19.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that some audiences managed to go to a theater, and tweet their status to "Seeing the Facebook movie" on their iPhones while watching the Facebook movie. Sure, it's being heralded as one of the best movies of this year, but I still feel it's been far too overhyped, and this weaker than predicted open kind of makes it the Kick-Ass of Oscar Bait.

More interesting is the case of Case 39, a movie filmed four years ago and finally now seeing the light of day. (Or darkened room, technically). It opened up to somewhat expected business (Probably better than anyone involved hoped), but also makes almost the same amount of money as Let Me In, the American remake of the Swedish horror hit from two years ago. How odd.

The case with Let Me In also begs the question, do audiences not care for these remakes? Or was there not even a big enough audience, because the vampires actually killed people instead of brooded and sparkled and pined for the mumble queen?

These are the questions we should be asking. 

Way to go Snyder Owls! (Really just wanted to say that). 

Fun Fact: After 12 weeks, Inception dropped off the top ten, but on Arthur's dream level it will take another year and a half to actually fall.

Below the radar, more horror movies opened up in limited release, including Chain Letter, which took in $143,000 on 406 screens, with a sad per screen average of $352. Hatchet 2 also opened, (UNRATED!!!), but only made $62,000 on 68 screens. This does not bode well for more unrated releases. In documentary releases, Freakonomics, an adaptation of the best selling non-fiction book, took in $33,000 on 17 screens. 

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, more of the same, as more horror flicks and Oscar Bait hopefuls are released.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Box Office Report: Money Slept Here Once, But Just Once

Dude here again. Fall is here, except where I live in Los Angeles, where traffic finally let up and allowed summer to stop by for a little bit.

But let's talk about money and corporations, instead.

This weekend, another 20+ year sequel arrives and takes the top, while 3D animation falters again. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (Fox) $19.0, 3565 screens, week 1, $19.0 total

2. Legend of the Guardians (WB) - $16.3, 3575 screens, week 1, $16.3 total

3. The Town (WB)- $16.0, 2885 screens, week 2, $49.1 total

4. Easy A (ScrGms) - $10.7, 2856 screens, week 2, $32.8 total

5. You Again (BV) - $8.3, 2548 screens, week 1, $8.3 total

6. Devil (Uni) - $6.4, 2811 screens, week 2, $21.7 total

7. Resident Evil: Afterlife (ScrGms)- $4.9, 2642 screens, week 3, $52.0 total

8. Alpha and Omega (LGF)- $4.7, 2625 screens, week 2, $15.1 total

9. Takers (ScrGms)- $1.6, 1413 screens, week 5, $54.9 total

10. Inception (WB)- $1.2, 907 screens, week 11, $287.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that either 80s' nostalgia will never peak, or Oliver Stone had a compelling enough story relating to current economic climes and enough sense to cast "El Beef" as his lead. Wall Street 2: Electric Boogaloo managed to take the top spot, though in an odd, possible ironic parallel, it didn't make too much money.

Truth be told, I made up calling Shia LeBouf "El Beef", but can y'all do me a favor and start spreading it around. I would appreciate it.

Coming in second is Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole, which is about a bunch of owls reenacting 300. It took in impressive numbers, but not impressive enough in this age of 3D animation domination. Looks like Zack Snyder's gonna have to go back to making extremely violent R-rated movies.

You Again? Not even the first time. Think about it.

Let's take a moment and give mad props to Ben "Phantoms" Affleck, who has directed a genuine hit with The Town, and may be garnering some awards buzz. Well done.

Fun Fact: Resident Evil - Afterlife is the greatest feature length Tool video EVER!!!

Below the radar, (deep breath…) Ryan Reynolds was Buried, took in $104,000 on 11 screens, the raunch-fest The Virginity Hit made $300,000 on 700 screens, Woody Allen's latest You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger took in $163,000 on 6 screens, Franco as Ginsberg in poem adaptation Howl took in $54,000 also on 6 screens, Gaspar Noe's latest Enter The Void opened on 3 screens and took in $42,300, and Waiting For "Superman", the latest from the Inconvenient Truth guy who's not Al Gore, took in $141,000 on 4 screens, and had the highest per screen average of all this week.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we see the Facebook movie and the Let The Right One in remake, both of which I should hate on general principle yet I can't wait to see with a fever pitch.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

You talkin to me? You talkin to... wait, wrong movie.

Goodfellas was released 20 years ago. I feel old.

Here is a ridiculously amazing recounting of the production at GQ.

Kenny Fuckin Powers

So big, he's busting through my blog proportions!

Box Office Report: Bad Pun Related to Number One Movie

Dude here again. Random introductory blather that may reflect current trends. Snarky observations, personal asides, and obscure pop culture references may also be substituted. Also, apologies for lethargy.

Pithy one-liner to coincide with first paragraph.

This weekend, witty/shameful one line about the number one movie sandwiched between template that literally hasn't changed in five years. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Town (WB)- $23.8, 2861 screens, week  1, $23.8 total

2. Easy A (ScrGms) - $18.2, 2856 screens, week 1, $18.2 total

3. Devil (Uni) - $12.5, 2809 screens, week 1, $12.5 total

4. Resident Evil: Afterlife (ScrGms)- $10.1, 3209 screens, week 2, $43.9 total

5. Alpha and Omega (LGF)- $9.2, 2625 screens, week 1, $9.2 total

6. Takers (ScrGms)- $3.0, 2139 screens, week 4, $52.3 total

7. The American (Foc) - $2.7, 2457 screens, week 3, $32.8 total

8. Inception (WB)- $2.0, 1305 screens, week 10, $285.1 total

9. The Other Guys (Sony) - $2.0, 1827 screens, week 7, $115.4 total

10. Machete (Fox) $1.7, 1704 screens, week 3, $24.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that a) if movie is well liked and deserved to be number one, accolades and praise to all involved and public masses for electing to choose a good film; or b) if movie is stupid but made lots of money, cast shame and derision towards public masses and their intelligence levels.

If other movie opens, note how it did in comparison to either the number one movie or previous films from star/director. If third new release opens, repeat step two.

If third or more release opens and performs miserably, make awful pun based on it's name in relation to it's poor performance.

If you feel like it, report on older releases that are just barely scraping by until they're released on DVD in two months.

Fun Fact: This is a newer feature that doesn't really have to be fun to anybody but me, but try to include as many MacGruber or Twilight references as possible because the hits go up when the words "new Kristin Stewart pics", "Twilight", and "MacGruber" are put in the same search engine.

Below the radar, indie films are discussed because not too many other people shine enough light on them. Make sure to note how the intelligent ones will have a higher per screen average than the number one movie in the country, although that comparison really means nothing. It's the reassuring pat on the back.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, discuss how something awesome or stupid is coming out the next weekend. Lather, rinse repeat.

Until next weekend....

(Bizarre photo procured from another site on the internet).

(Thank the good people at Box Office Mojo for doing all the hard work for you)

Box Office Report: Afterlife

Dude here again. There's a confession I need to make: I'm supremely jealous of all the awesome movies being shown at Toronto Fest this week, while I'm stuck with Resident Evil 4. Sure, it's in 3D, but that fest has so many interesting looking movies, it makes you wonder why we had to suffer through this past crappy summer.

Except for Jonah Hex and Piranha 3D, obviously.

This weekend, there's no disputing who's number one, as that's a mighty large gap. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Resident Evil: Afterlife (ScrGms)- $27.7, 3203 screens, week 1, $27.7 total

2. Takers (ScrGms)- $6.1, 2191 screens, week 3, $48.1 total

3. The American (Foc) - $5.8, 2833 screens, week 2, $26.7 total

4. Machete (Fox) $4.2, 2678 screens, week 2, $20.8 total

5. Going The Distance (NL)- $3.8, 3030 screens, week 2, $14.0 total

6. The Other Guys (Sony) - $3.6, 2246 screens, week 6, $112.6 total

7. The Last Exorcism (LGF) - $3.4, 2731 screens, week 3, $38.1 total

8. The Expendables (LGF)- $3.2, 3058 screens, week 5, $98.4 total

9. Inception (WB)- $3.0, 1583 screens, week 9, $282.4 total

10. Eat Pray Love (Sony) - $2.9, 2339 screens, week 5, $74.6 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that if you make a Resident Evil movie, pretty much the same amount of people will come to see it. Sure, it made more than the others, but there's also 3D prices to contend with, so it evens out. Still, this consistency is pretty impressive for a series on its fourth film, and one that had to surrender to the massive onslaught of 3D product.

Other than Resident Evil, there is nothing worth reporting, really. I'm amazed The American made as much money as it did, Machete should be making more, but isn't. The Expendables is almost at $100 million, which will be the first time in a long time for Stallone. Inception continues to make money, etc.

It's yet another sorbet palate cleanser of a weekend, to wash away the tastes of summer to make room for the fall movies.

Fun Fact: This summer saw the return of Dolph Lundgren AND Steven Seagal to the big screen! Alas, no Van Damme.

Below the radar, there's a film called The Romantics, which wants to be this generation's version of The Big Chill, opened up on 2 screens and took in $44,400, which is the highest per screen average of all the movies out there this week.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, four big releases of varying genres, thus begins the madness of fall.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Dude Matrix

(Thanks Brady)

Acting Doesn't Get Much Better Than This

Everything Chris Klein Says in "The Legend of Chun Li" from Jeff Rubin on Vimeo.

If You Choose Not To Decide

YOU STILL HAVE MADE A CHOICE!!!

Box Office Report: Machete Don't Text

Dude here again. Well, it's Labor Day weekend over in these parts, which means the end of crappy summer flicks and the beginning of pretentious Oscar-bait flicks! Personally, though, I prefer the January dumping grounds, but it's a nice change of seasons.

It's kind of sad that these are my seasons, but in LA, it's the only way you know what month is it.

This weekend, the estimates are even tighter than last weekend's neck-and-neck race. But as with most things in life, Clooney shall prevail. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. The American (Foc) - $12.9, 2823 screens, week 1, $16.1 total

2. Takers (ScrGms)- $11.4, 2206 screens, week 2, $37.9 total

3. Machete (Fox) $11.3, 2670 screens, week 1, $11.3 total

4. The Last Exorcism (LGF) - $7.6, 2874 screens, week 2, $32.4 total

5. Going The Distance (NL)- $6.8, 3030 screens, week  3, $6.8 total

6. The Expendables (LGF)- $6.5, 3398 screens, week 4, $92.1 total

7. The Other Guys (Sony) - $5.4, 2607 screens, week 5, $106.8 total

8. Eat Pray Love (Sony) - $4.8, 2663 screens, week 4, $68.9 total

9. Inception (WB)- $4.5, 1704 screens, week 8, $277.1 total

10. Nanny McPhee Returns (Uni)- $3.5, 2708 screens, week 3, $22.4 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that George Clooney rules all! How smooth is he? He tricked boat loads of audiences into seeing his art film, by making people think it was an action thriller. That Clooney, so smooth.

In Clooney's wake is last week's champ Takers, which won the photo finish, and according to this, looks like it will do another photo finish over Machete, which is a film almost as fantastically gory as Piranha 3D and Expendables. It really needs to be seen to be believed, but apparently not too many people are going to see it.

Going The Distance? Looks like nobody's going the distance to the theater. Zing!

Nobody seems to care about those other movies. So I'm gonna follow suit. Sure, I could take this moment to wrap up the summer numbers, but that's a lot of work, dealing with a lot of money you and I will never see.

Fun Fact: Avatar - Special Edition is making MacGruber numbers!

Below the radar, there's this movie called A Woman A Gun and A Noodle Shop, which is a Chinese remake of the Coen Brother's first movie, Blood Simple, took in $27,700 on 5 screens. 

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we got ourselves a new Resident Evil movie! And probably some other things too, as serious movies begin unfurling below our feet!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

You say you wanna see a movie?

You say you're tired of the studio crap that's been pumped down our throat all summer? That you desire to see a movie full of blood, guts, and destruction? And considerable amounts of nubile flesh?

Then you wanna see Piranha 3D.

Answer Yes or No to whether you like these things in movies about ravenous aquatic wildlife attacking spring break coeds:

Obvious Jaws references.

Underwater Nude Ballet.

Elizabeth Shue, still looking good.

Ving Rhames mowing down killer piranha with an outboard motor.

Eli Roth's head being crushed by a boat…

In 3D.

Underwater Nude Ballet featuring Kelly Brook.

Endless scenes of spring break carnage.

CHRISTOPHER LLOYD SHOUTING EVERY LINE!!!

Lots of eviscerated flesh.

Adam Scott on a jet ski with a shotgun.

A scene that involves a killer fish burping up breast implants and something far more grotesque.

Underwater Nude Ballet featuring Kelly Brook... in 3D!!!

(With that chick!)

Seriously, if you answered "No" to any of these movies, go eat pray and love somewhere else. For the rest of us people who like movies, enjoy the hell out of Piranha 3D.

Box Office Report: We'll probably have more exorcisms now

Dude here again. Can you believe the summer movie season is almost over? Doesn't it seem like just last week when we were talking about how every movie this summer sucks, and there's nothing worthy of coming out, except for maybe Inception and Expendables? And here we are, a whole summer has passed us by.

And we're still making arguments that a lot of the movies this summer sucked.

This weekend, the estimates are giving us a neck-and-neck race. Whose ego will prevail victorious? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. The Last Exorcism (LGF) - $21.3, 2874 screens, week 1, $21.3 total

2. Takers (ScrGms)- $21.0, 2206 screens, week 1, $21.0 total

3. The Expendables (LGF)- $9.5, 3398 screens, week 3, $82.0 total

4. Eat Pray Love (Sony) - $7.0, 3108 screens, week 3, $60.7 total

5. The Other Guys (Sony) - $6.6, 3181 screens, week 4, $99.3 total

6. Vampires Suck (Fox) $5.3, 3233 screens, week 2, $27.9 total

7. Inception (WB)- $5.1, 2070 screens, week 7, $270.7 total

8. Nanny McPhee Returns (Uni)- $4.7, 2798 screens, week 2, $17.0 total

9. The Switch (Mir) - $4.6, 2017 screens, week 2, $16.4 total

10. Piranha 3D (Dim)- $4.3, 2491 screens, week 2, $18.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that somehow, our collective audience viewing habits couldn't decide between the standard late-August horror fare thats served up to us, or Heat-lite starring two of the most wooden actors in the history of the game. The Last Exorcism, which I hear is quite effective, seemed to be on track with a large Friday haul, but Takers seems to be making money as well, which fascinates me because that movie looks like a junior high brandy ad. Real numbers will prove the winner, but this is another of those races where whoever wins, we lose.

The Expendables and Eat Pray Love continue their dance, sweeping up the remains. Meanwhile, all the other big releases from last week (five of them!) have settled down to the bottom of the chart. And sure, everybody's pulling in some money, but it's comparatively weak sauced compared to previous years.

Although it seems according to this chart that the top nineteen movies all grossed at least a million dollars, which is nothing to be ashamed about. To give you perspective, Step UP 3-D made $1.2 million dollars in three days, where as I made $262 in 3 days with my wonderfully shitty job. Justice: Hollywood Style!

Fun Fact: Only one movie in the top ten features a nude underwater ballet and a scene where a fish burps out a digested human penis. Not so fun fact- that movie is at the bottom of the list, not at the top where images like that belong. (Take that, Nolan).

Below the radar, James Cameron decided he wanted some more money, and released a special edition of Avatar, you remember that one, right? The movie about the blue hippies who want to save the world in 3D? Anyway, there are a few new scenes in the film, which means hot rapey blue firewire cable scenes! Anyway, the public was mostly not having that, having spent so much money seeing it in theaters earlier this year then buying the crappy bare bones Blu Ray, so it only made $4.0 million. just slightly less than Pirahna 3-D, which is the superior motion picture due to blood, nudity, and time factors.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Machete comes to own us all! And Clooney's got a new movie which mean it's time for serious movie season to start!

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Box Office Re..EXPENDABLES AGAIN, MUTHAF@#KAS!!!

Dude here again. Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time, I feel a-li-i-i-ive! And the world, turn it inside out, I'm floating around, in ecstasy. So don't… stop me now. Cause I'm having a good time.

Havin a good time.

This weekend, those expendable folk continue to kick our collective asses, in addition to the asses of five, (count 'em FIVE) new releases. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. The Expendables (LGF)- $16.5, 3270 screens, week 2, $64.8 total

2. Vampires Suck (Fox) $12.2, 3233 screens, week 1, $18.5 total (Wed open)

3. Eat Pray Love (Sony) - $12.0, 3082 screens, week 2, $47.1 total

4. Lottery Ticket (WB)- $11.1, 1973 screens, week 1, $11.1 total

5. The Other Guys (Sony) - $10.1, 3472 screens, week 3, $88.1 total

6. Piranha 3D (Dim)- $10.0, 2470 screens, week 1, $10.0 total

7. Nanny McPhee Returns (Uni)- $8.3, 2784 screens, week 1, $8.3 total

8. The Switch (Mir) - $8.1, 2012 screens, week 1, $8.1 total

9. Inception (WB)- $7.6, 2401 screens, week 6, $261.8 total

10. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (Uni) - $5.0, 2820 screens, week 2, $20.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that we now need to put Dolph Lundgren in more movies. Because He's the greatest thing in that movie, and that movie is the #1 movie for 2 weeks in a row. KICKING YOUR ASS!!!

They actually released a movie with the title "Vampires Suck", fittingly accompanied by the Fox fanfare, and it managed to make $18 million, which is cause for shame for everybody who bought a ticket, unless you were underage kids buying tickets to a PG-13 movie so you could sneak into Expendables.

In which case shame on you for not buying tickets to Scott Pilgrim instead. It needs the money and totally deserves it more. (+100 pts AWESOME)

All the new releases seemed to settle around in this odd $8-$12 million range. Respectable for the dog days of summer, but next week will show if anybody cares to see any of these flicks. I'm betting Lottery Ticket and Piranha 3D.  

Fun Fact: Sixteen movies made at least $1 million this weekend. Including that Cats and Dogs sequel.

Below the radar, highly acclaimed documentary The Tillman Story, took in $52,400 on 4 screens. And other highly acclaimed documentary A Film Unfinished took in $37,500, also on 4 screens. There were a lot more indie releases, but they didn't report anything/ So eff them. 

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, I don't know. Probably a horror movie. And something else that's probably stupid. I think Avatar's coming back, too, with a full on creepy neon blue sex scene.

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

Lest us not forget that there is a 3-D movie coming out about killer pirahna!

This and Jackass 3-D kind of make it all worthwhile.

Piranha 3D: For Your Consideration from Piranha 3D

6 out of 6 Men Agree...

The Expendables is a solid 2 & 1/2 star picture.

But it becomes a 4 star picture whenever Dolph Lundgren is onscreen.

Box Office Re..EXPENDABLES, MUTHAF@#KAS!

Dude here again. Had to take another week off. It turns out, I couldn't contain my excitement for The Expendables anymore, and I just had to go out to a shack in the woods and meditate. Then on Friday when it was released, I broke my two week vow of silence to journey to the theater to see it.

it was sold out.

Son of a...

This weekend, they came, they saw, they kicked some ass over eating, praying, and loving. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. The Expendables (LGF)- $35.0, 3270 screens, week 1, $35.0 total

2. Eat Pray Love (Sony) - $23.7, 3082 screens, week 1, $23.7 total

3. The Other Guys (Sony) - $18.0, 3651 screens, week 2, $70.5 total

4. Inception (WB)- $11.3, 3120 screens, week 5, $248.5 total

5. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (Uni) - $10.5, 2818 screens, week 1, $10.5 total

6. Despicable Me (Uni)- $6.7, 2923 screens, week 6, $221.9 total

7. Step Up 3-D (BV)- $6.6, 2439 screens, week 2, $29.5 total

8. Salt (Sony) - $6.35, 2834 screens, week 4, $103.5 total

9. Dinner For Schmucks (Par/DW) $6.31, 3046 screens, week 3, $58.8 total

10. Cats & Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore (WB)- $4.0, 2728 screens, week 3, $35.1 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that that the rest of the country agrees with my 13-year old self (and our dads) as The Expendables vaults past the competition, decimating everything in it's path.

Eat Pray Love. Second Place Fine. Word Of Mouth Strong. Strong Second Week. Mark My Words.

I realize that everybody was out seeing the movie where shit blows up, but couldn't anyone give more love to Scott Pilgrim? Edgar Wriight makes good flicks, he deserves your love, and I'm sure he's made a terrific motion picture, he hasn't failed us yet.

Just like Nolan.

Fun Fact: For the scene where Mark Wahlberg shoots Derek Jeter alone, The Other guys is the now officially the GREATEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR.

Below the radar, highly acclaimed import Animal Kingdom. featuring Guy Pearce is a no-doubt badass performance, took in $64,000 on 7 screens. Good considering the reviews, but not nearly as impressive as per screen as Expendables, proving once and for all that Expendables is the superior motion picture of this weekend. Oh yeah!

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, we finally get the 3-D movie we deserve. And some other nonsense that involves Ice Cube.

Until next weekend....

(Yeah, it's a pizza with cheeseburgers on it)
(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

You Need To See This Again

Box Office Report: Once... Twice... Three Times a Lady!

Dude here again. Had myself a nice vacation, unplugged from the internet. It was refreshing, and mildly disturbing. Like picking off a scab. But that's neither here nor there, I have numbers to report!

But for what it's worth, I'm still really bummed I didn't get to use the headline "SALT LICKED!" last weekend.

This weekend, if we were bowling, I'd say Nolan has himself a turkey. But we're not bowling. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday, as these are holiday numbers).

1. Inception (WB)- $27.5, 3545 screens, week 3, $193.3 total

2. Dinner For Schmucks (Par/DW) $23.3, 2911 screens, week 1, $23.3 total

3. Salt (Sony) - $19.2, 3612 screens, week 2, $70.8 total

4. Despicable Me (Uni)- $15.5, 3602 screens, week 4, $190.3 total

5. Cats & Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore (WB)- $12.5, 3705 screens, week 1, $12.5 total

6. Charlie St. Cloud (Uni) - $12.1, 2718 screens, week 1, $12.1 total

7. Toy Story 3 (BV)- $5.0, 2105 screens, week 7, $389.6 total

8. Grown Ups (Sony) - $4.5, 2269 screens, week 6, $150.7 total

9. The Sorcerer's Apprentice (BV)- $4.3, 2524 screens, week 3, $51.8 total

10. Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Sum) - $3.9, 2334 screens, week 5, $288.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that if we were playing hockey, people would throw their hats on the ice for Christopher Nolan. Am I using these sports metaphors properly? I don't know of these things. Is that top still spinning?

The Dinner For Schmucks didn't need as much SALT, oh Dispic… I'm really too lazy to keeping that. Suffice it to say, they made enough money.

The geniuses in Hollywood finally answered my letters and made a sequel to Cats & Dogs, and were even kind enough to make it in 3-D, and how do you repay them? By not seeing it. Way to go, people.

Fun Fact: I keep wanting to come up with something snarky and mean to say about Charlie St. Cloud, but that Zac Efron is so damn charming I just can't.

Below the radar, a movie called Get Low made $90,900 on 4 screens. And a documentary about Hugh Hefner made $10,000, playing on one screen. Awesome.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Will Ferrel and Mark Wahlberg finally team up. And more letters are answered with ST3P UP 3D!!! (I'm assuming that's a real movie).

Until next weekend....

(All Numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)