Box Office Report: The unthinkable has happened!

Dude here again. Well, it finally happened. There are no records left for Avatar to break. It's technically the most successful motion picture in history. It broke the international take last week, and then this previous week, on the day it was nominated for 9 Oscars, it overtook the Titanic record. So there's nothing left to talk about regarding big blue, and it's time to move on.

Oh, and none of you give me that "Adjusted for inflation" bullshit, because that's stupid.

This weekend, a film least likely overtook the champ. And another release didn't overtake the champ. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Dear John (ScrGm) - $32.4, 2969 screens, week 1, $32.4 total

2. Avatar (Fox) $23.6, 3000 screens, week 8, $630.4 total

3. From Paris With Love (LGF)- $8.1, 2722 screens, week 1, $8.1 total

4. Edge of Darkness (WB)- $7.0, 3066 screens, week 2, $29.0 total

5. The Tooth Fairy (Fox) - $6.5, 3218 screens, week 3, $34.3 total

6. When In Rome (BV)- $5.5, 2456 screens, week 2, $20.8 total

7. The Book of Eli (WB)- $4.8, 2820 screens, week 4, $82.1 total

8. Crazy Heart (FoxS)- $3.6, 819 screens, week 8, $11.1 total

9. Legion (ScrGm) - $3.4, 2339 screens, week 3, $34.6 total

10. Sherlock Holmes (WB) - $2.6, 1805 screens, week 7, $201.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means Dear John, a movie so cloying my ticket stub actually had sap dripping from it, managed to take in an impressive $32 million. It overtakes the Avatar and ensures that we'll have plenty more Nicholas Sparks' weepy adaptations. Hooray for that.

You know what's funny? Avatar arrives, this giant, 800 lb gorilla, and sits on top of the charts demanding money, and everybody pays until the records are broken, then it quietly leaves. At least, that's how I envision it.

John Travolta sent us From Paris With Love. Audiences replied "Return to sender". I love postal humor!

The Academy Award Nominations were announced this week, and the biggest boost given was to Crazy Heart, which actually opened on the same day as Avatar, and is now making an appearance in the top ten. The dude certainly does abide, doesn't he?

That Edge of Darkness flick probably didn't benefit from Mel Gibson calling a dude an asshole live on the air. However, that incident inspired me to actually go check it out now. I have a feeling in real life Mel's as crazy as Riggs. And that's just the tops.

What the hell is The Tooth Fairy still doing in the top 5?

Below the radar, The Red Riding Trilogy opened up on one screen. It took in $15,500 on that one screen. Pretty impressive, but I wonder how many people thought it was some sort of foreign fairy tale adaptation, and not Britain's answer to Zodiac?

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, a crap load of movies comes out, including the long awaited Wolfman, and a movie that looks even worse than Dear John AND He's Just Not That Into You COMBINED! It's going to be very exciting. Oh, Percy Jackson's next week, too! I'm willing to bet all the new releases cancel each other out, and Avatar reigns supreme once again. (It won't. That's a horrible bet. Avatar's done, moving on).

Until next weekend.......

(All Numbers courtesy of BoxOfficeMojo.com)

Box Office Report: Mel Gibson tried

Dude here again. With your weekly Avatar report! Yes, I've decided to fully sell out and devote my entire article, and every writing from here on, to the magnificent splendor of James Cameron's Avatar. Sure there may be other movies out there, but can any of them match the wonder and beauty of the world of Pandora?

You know, besides the vampire movies with the sparkly emo kids?

This weekend, another film steps up to the plate and misses, as Mr. Cameron's masterpiece of technology and story continues its reign. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Avatar (Fox) $30.0, 3074 screens, week 7, $594.4 total

2. Edge of Darkness (WB)- $17.1, 3066 screens, week 1, $17.1 total

3. When In Rome (BV)- $12.0, 2456 screens, week 1, $12.0 total

4. The Tooth Fairy (Fox) - $10.0, 3345 screens, week 2, $26.1 total

5. The Book of Eli (WB)- $8.7, 3075 screens, week 3, $74.3 total

6. Legion (ScrGm) - $6.8, 2476 screens, week 2, $28.6 total

7. The Lovely Bones (Par/DW)- $4.7, 2638 screens, week 8, $38.0 total

8. Sherlock Holmes (WB) - $4.5, 2250 screens, week 6, $197.5 total

9. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Fox) - $4.0, 2526 screens, week 6, $209.2 total

10. It's Complicated (Uni)- $3.7, 2096 screens, week 6, $104.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means it's time to put down the District 9 prawn language lesson book, and embrace the language of Na'Vi, because that's gonna be the new language of the world, now that Avatar has become the biggest money maker of all time! Yes indeed, it's all part of Mr. Cameron's glorious vision!

Mel Gibson, you hilarious rapscallion! You tried to star in a movie after 8 years of being gone and directing subtitled movies about beatings and monkey fights. But you had the misfortune to open up against Avatar. Shame, but it's nice to see you back. Might I suggest giving Danny Glover a call and starring as Pandoran Cops for Lethal Weapon 5?

When in Rome...

(That works best if you realize I'm impersonating Ron Burgundy, and his inability to grasp the meaning and proper use of the phrase "When in Rome". I have so little to say about that movie, I resorted to just quoting Anchorman instead!)

No other movie dares compete against the might of Sam Worthington! And that's the way it should be! Until Iron Man comes out. I didn't say that...

Below the radar, the Steve Buscmei starring Saint John of Las Vegas opened up on 2 screens and took in $22,400, which is the highest per screen average for the week. ALthough, you have to take into account the high price of non-3D tickets to truly get a sense of how much money the film has made, but it should be ignored due to the absence of the color blue in any and all advertising.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, a sappy romantic drama and an action movie with John Travolta. Or maybe I mixed that up. Either way, it's probably still going to be Avatar on top. Because that's they way it should be! ALL HAIL CAMERON!!!!

Until next weekend.......




(All Numbers courtesy of BoxOfficeMojo.com)

Greatest Video of today

Bonus points for actually including Showdown in Little Tokyo!

(There's some swearing, so if you're at work or around children, pop in the headphones or become the "cool" parent).

Something on the interwebs you need to check out right now.

That is, if you haven't already discovered it.

Prepare yourself for the mind blowing brilliance of... AXECOP!!!

Many thanks to John Pavlus for showing me the light on this one.

Box Office Report: Deja vu 2

Dude here again. Earlier this week I was growing tired of reporting about Avatar breaking every conceivable record known to man. Then I saw it again. And I realized that this is a movie where we basically get to see a dinosaur fight a robot, and any movie that does that is ok in my book!

(Full Disclosure: I witnessed the dinosaur fighting a robot when I took the 3-D glasses off).

This weekend, Avatar inches closer to the magic record numbers, and other movies are dumped in a pathetic attempt to go up against this juggernaut. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Avatar (Fox) $36.0, 3141 screens, week 6, $552.7 total

2. Legion (ScrGm) - $18.2, 2476 screens, week 1, $18.2 total

3. The Book of Eli (WB)- $17.0, 3111 screens, week 2, $62.0 total

4. The Tooth Fairy (Fox) - $14.5, 3344 screens, week 1, $14.5 total

5. The Lovely Bones (Par/DW)- $8.8, 2571 screens, week 7, $31.6 total

6. Sherlock Holmes (WB) - $7.1, 2670 screens, week 5, $191.5 total

7. Extraordinary Measures (CBS)- $7.0, 2549 screens, week 1, $7.0 total

8. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Fox) - $6.5, 2973 screens, week 5, $204.2 total

9. It's Complicated (Uni)- $6.1, 2301 screens, week 5, $98.6 total

10. The Spy Next Door (LGF)- $4.7, 2924 screens, week 2, $18.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means Avatar is... Honestly, you could fill in the blank here and come up with a conclusion. Like a Mad Lib. Try it, I think you'll enjoy it!

Legion, the first TERRIBLE movie I've seen this year, managed an impressive second place haul of $18 million, proving that you can sell a movie as The Matrix meets The Prophecy, even if the only cool things are in the trailer. Can't wait for Priest!

The Rock was kind enough to give us a movie where he plays the Tooth Fairy. But not enough of us went to see it. Why is this so? C'mon people, Dwayne Johnson has done so much for us, isn't about time we give back a little?

(In all seriousness, if you can go to the Red Cross site and donate to the people in Haiti for the same amount of money that you would've paid to see The Tooth Fairy, you'd feel a lot better. About a LOT of things).

What happens when Indiana Jones meets... ummm, the guy from The Mummy? And they don't have any Nazis or mystical demons to fight, but instead a disease? You get Extraordinary Measures. It pulled in $7 million, has been compared to a Lifetime movie, but was still far better than the last half hour of Crystal Skull. go figure.

Below the radar, another Paul Bettany starring movie opened. Creation, the "controversial" motion picture about the boring old life and times of Charles Darwin opened up on 7 screens and took in $52,000. So let's just get this straight, when Bettany plays the founder of the theory of evolution, nobody watches, but when he plays a renegade archangel with a fetish for double fisting machine guns against possessed humans, he makes mint. Isn't it ironic?

Dontcha think?

Like rain. On your wedding day. I'm stopping now.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Mel Gibson decides he needs to kick a lot of people's asses while sporting a wicked Bahston accent. Oh, and Avatar will become the most successful motion picture in modern history. Can't wait!

Until next weekend.......

Dr. Jones works hard for us.

Around the clock, even.

Box Office Report: The Book of oh wait, no it's avatar again.

Dude here again. I'm having issues with my interwebz connection, so this week's gonna be a bit truncated. Not that it matters, because you could pretty much take everything I said about Avatar last week and app;y it to this week.

Sometimes I think these numbers make me too jaded. Sometimes, not jaded enough.

This weekend, Denzel Washington attempts to lure viewers away from the Na'Vi. Does he succeed? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Avatar (Fox) $41.3, 3285 screens, week 5, $491.7 total

2. The Book of Eli (WB)- $31.6, 3111 screens, week 1, $31.6 total

3. The Lovely Bones (Par/DW)- $17.0, 2563 screens, week 6, $17.5 total

4. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Fox) - $11.5, 3296 screens, week 4, $192.5 total

5. Sherlock Holmes (WB) - $9.8, 3173 screens, week 4, $180.0 total

6. The Spy Next Door (LGF)- $9.7, 2924 screens, week 1, $9.7 total

7. It's Complicated (Uni)- $7.6, 2670 screens, week 4, $88.2 total

8. Leap Year (Uni) - $5.8, 2512 screens, week 2, $17.5 total

9. The Blind Side (WB) - $5.5, 2408 screens, week 9, $226.7 total

10. Up In The Air (Par)- $5.4, 2107 screens, week 7, $62.8 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? It means the same as it did last week. Avatar is now becoming the greatest motion picture in the history of space and time. Well, almost. But it surpassed Star Wars in terms of dollars, and that brings a small tear to my eyes.

The Book Of Eli had a pretty damn impressive $31 million take for three days. In January, this is considered a minor miracle, and if Avatar weren't out, it certainly would have been more noteworthy. Alas, we just live in the world, while James Cameron is our king.

Peter Jackson, a former "King of the World" saw his lovely bones expand this weekend, and I totally meant that double entendre. Opening up beyond the initial 3 screens it's been on for 5 weeks, Lovely Bones saw a modest take, but is far overshadowed this late in the game. And to think, they held it from March to the more prestigious Oscar-Bait month of January.

They just didn't count on one thing....

(that last sentence works best if you imagine it being said by the guy in movie trailers, usually before announcing that the one thing they didn't count on was Steven Seagal or Jean Claude Van Damme.)

Honestly, the less I say about The Spy Next Door, the better off we all are in the long run. Trust me. I'm a doctor.

Below the radar, I couldn't find anything because the server crashed.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, The Rock dons a tutu and some wings and thinks he can take on the Avatar. Sadly, he may be our only hope.

Until next weekend.......

Box Office Report: Same as it ever was...

Dude here again. I'm getting into the swing of this new year. I've even kept my New Year's Resolution and refrained from making "I haven't _______ since last year!" jokes! Well, I haven't made any in the column yet. And that example doesn't count.

And I haven't made a joke about that in my column since TWO years ago!

This weekend, new movies were released and none of them made any sort of impact upon the unstoppable blue monster. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Avatar (Fox) $48.5, 3422 screens, week 4, $429.0 total

2. Sherlock Holmes (WB) - $16.6, 3626 screens, week 3, $165.1 total

3. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Fox) - $16.3, 3641 screens, week 3, $178.1 total

4. Daybreakers (LGF)- $15.0, 2523 screens, week 1, $15.0 total

5. It's Complicated (Uni)- $11.0, 2955 screens, week 3, $76.3 total

6. Leap Year (Uni) - $9.1, 2511 screens, week 1, $9.1 total

7. The Blind Side (WB) - $7.7, 2880 screens, week 8, $219.1 total

8. Up In The Air (Par)- $7.1, 2218 screens, week 6, $54.7 total

9. Youth In Revolt (Dim/Wein)- $7.0, 1873 screens, week 1, $7.0 total

10. The Princess and the Frog (BV)- $4.7, 2620 screens, week 7, $92.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that now it's a matter of "when", not "if" regarding Avatar overtaking Titanic's record of highest grossing picture of all time, not adjusted for inflation, etc. It's really boring when a movie just keeps knocking over record after record. It's like your friend playing you in Mortal Kombat, and he just constantly beats you over and over again with a sweep kick. It's beginning to not be fun anymore.

Oh, but on a plus side, it overpassed Transforming Robots 2: Revenge of No Screenwriter as the #1 money maker of 2009. Mad props for that. (I still want my money back for that one...)

Daybreakers proves the recent movie edict: Though shalt only make vampire movies that make money only if the vampires sparkle. Although a decent-for-January opening, I wouldn't expect a Daybreakers 2: Newer Moon on the horizon.

Leap Year: I'll catch it on its' "leap" to the bargain DVD bin. I'm sorry Amy Adams, but I guess there's just some things I wouldn't do for you.

Oh, Youth In Revolt, will you ever catch a break? After multiple release delays, you finally opened to mediocre word of mouth and even less mediocre business. Someday, Michael Cera, you will prove to the world that you can play more than awkward shy funny boy. Too bad the public won't perceive you that way.

Below the radar, Crazy on the Outside, the directorial debut of Tim Allen, took in $75,400 on 75 screens. Avatar is trembling in shiny blue boots.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, Denzel Washington saves us from a post apocalypse, and we see if it has a chance against the mighty Avatar. (I'm betting no, but who knows?)

Until next weekend.......


(All numbers courtesy of Box Office Mojo)

French Star Wars Interpretation

The French really know what they're doing, let me tell you.

The Best and The Best-Worst: 2009 Edition (With Bonus Materials!)

So I wrote up my best/worst round up. I initially wrote it the way I've been doing it on here for the past few years, breaking them down into categories other than best/worst. But then I decided to just focus on the top ones and post it on the Moviesonline site.

My editor broke it up into three separate pieces. The Best, The Worst, And The Craptastic! (Unfortunately, The Worst is not up yet, but when it is I'll let you know).

(This might be a hint as to one of the movies).

However, there were a lot of movies that didn't make the cut. And I decided to post those movies here. Here's what didn't make the lists:


SOLID (Good far outweighs the bad)
Outlander, Taken, Sunshine Cleaning, I Love You, Man, Skills Like This, Tokyo, The Escapist, Anvil! The Story of Anvil, State of Play, The Limits of Control, Next Day Air, The Brothers Bloom, Drag Me To Hell, Pontypool, The Hangover, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, In The Loop, Paper Heart, Cold Souls, The Goods: Live Hard Sell Hard, 9, Pandorum, Whip It, The Invention of Lying, Where The Wild Things Are, House of the Devil, Pirate Radio, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, Public Enemies, Carriers, World's Greatest Dad,


HONORABLE MENTION (Good enough to recommend to the curious, but flawed enough to make me hesitate)
Donkey Punch, Adventureland, 17 Again, The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, Dead Snow, Humpday, Thirst, Taking Woodstock, Extract, Jennifer's Body, Ong Bak 2: The Beginning, The Box, The Men Who Stare At Goats, Ninja Assassin, Sherlock Holmes.


MEH TO MOSTLY FORGETTABLE
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, Killshot, Fanboys, The International, Race to Witch Mountain, Duplicity, Fast and Furious, Alien Trespass, Gigantic, Lymelife, Battle For Terra, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Big Man Japan, Surrogates (Even though it had that awesome scene where Bruce Willis punches a robot to death with his bare hands!)


INEXPLICABLE

The Final Destination,
It's not very good, but I saw it in 3-D, and my friend Larry and I were the only people in the theater. And we like being jerks sometimes, so I had a blast while seeing this, even though I don't think I ever want to see it again.

Antichrist
The opening scene is stunning. The movie looks gorgeous. There's certainly plenty of insane shit going on, and the movie works on numerous levels. Still, I feel bad recommending it to people because it is quite a polarizing movie and there are certain things in it nobody should see. They involve the words "Dafoe" and "nutsack".

HAVEN'T SEEN YET, BUT WANT TO (Mostly for my own records and for Netflix queue reference): Knowing, Monsters Vs. Aliens, Sleep Dealer, Tetro, Up, The Proposal, Bruno, Orphan, The Collector, The Cove, Flame & Citron, Julie & Julia,(though, I've tried to see it twice!), A Perfect Getaway, Ponyo, It Might Get Loud, Big Fan, Mystery Team, Gamer, Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, The Informant!, Bright Star, Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell (I hear it's AWFUL!), Paranormal Activity, An Education, Trucker, Law Abiding Citizen, Michael Jackson This Is It, Precious, The Blind Side, Me and Orson Wells, Broken Embraces, Red Cliff, The Road, the Princess and the Frog, Armored, Brothers, Invictus, A Single Man, The Slammin' Salmon, Crazy Heart, It's Complicated, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, The Lovely Bones.


STILL NOT GONNA SEE: The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Bride Wars,Love Happens, Old Dogs.

Box Office Repeat: Keep on rockin in the New Year!

Dude here again. It's a brand new year. And yet it's the same line up as last week. Nothing changed, really.

Or did they?!?!?

This weekend, was pretty much the same as last weekend, which is sort of remarkable. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Avatar (Fox) $68.3, 3461 screens, week 3, $352.1 total

2. Sherlock Holmes (WB) - $38.3, 3626 screens, week 2, $140.6 total

3. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Fox) - $36.6, 3747 screens, week 2, $157.3 total

4. It's Complicated (Uni)- $18.7, 2897 screens, week 2, $59.1 total

5. The Blind Side (WB) - $12.6, 2926 screens, week 7, $209.0 total

6. Up In The Air (Par)- $11.3, 1895 screens, week 5, $45.0 total

7. The Princess and the Frog (BV)- $10.0, 3328 screens, week 6, $86.0 total

8. Did You Hear About The Morgans? (Sony)- $5.2, 2718 screens, week 3, $25.6 total

9. Nine (Wein)- $4.2, 1412 screens, week 3, $14.0 total

10. Invictus (WB) - $4.1, 2170 screens, week 4, $30.7 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means Avatar is fast on the way to making more than several small nations. It crossed the billion dollar worldwide gross, a feat only accomplished by four other movies. The top one being Titanic, and with Avatar being a Cameron film, it all winds around itself intricately. Point is, it made bank. It was a gamble that paid off, and looks like it will continue to pay off.

For what it's worth, I'm really looking forward to the backlash against the film, much like the Titanic backlash from oh so many years ago. Plus, it's fun to see people who a month ago raved about the flick suddenly changing their opinion, to seem hip and relevant.

Honestly, is there anything else here that needs discussing? Alvin and the Chipmunks? It's Complicated? The Blind Side? Do any of these feature blue people? No. They don't matter. But they're certainly picking up a lot of cash over this 2nd holiday weekend. Avatar is what's on the peoples' minds and tongues, and that's all we're gonna talk about.

So there, you have my amazing break down. Next week, things will settle down a little bit, but watch for Avatar to continue Cameron domination of box office records. Also, Daybreakers and Youth In Revolt.

Until next weekend...


(Actual sign on Florida gas pump. This might be as cool as Bronson, MO!)

2010: The Future!

I haven't seen all the movies I want to, so a Best/Worst of last year/decade isn't quite in the cards at the moment, but hopefully I'll have one or the other ready in the near future.

In the meantime, why don't we live in the past and enjoy this timeless classic?

Robert Downey Monday

Yeah, so I checked out that Sherlock Holmes movie. The short version is I was entertained, but mostly because of the awesome chemistry between Downey and Law. They do great work, the movie lets them down. But it wasn't nearly as dumb as it could have been.

Still, you know you're in trouble when in the cannon of Holmes literature and films at your disposal, the one this most closely resembles is Young Sherlock Holmes.

(Fun fact of 6 degrees: Guy Ritchie, director of Sherlock Holmes and Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels, cast Young Sherlock Holmes in Lock Stock, and I was so excited because I never saw that actor again until his movie. Watson, sadly, no clue...)

Also because it kicks ass, here's that Iron Man 2 trailer, which constantly melts my face off. May can't come soon enough....



Cheers to the good folk at /film for finding this one.

Box Office Report: Holiday Bonanza!!!

Dude here again. We've reached our final box office report for the year! It really has been a year of lunacy, and it's also been a year of record breaking, with ticket sales in excess of TEN BILLION DOLLARS! sadly, a large chunk of that came from the transforming robot picture. Regardless, it's still ten billion dollars and counting, with only four more days left in the year.

Still, ten billion dollars and they can't give me my $20 back for Terminator Salvation and Boondock Saints 2? C'mon!

This weekend, a close race to claim the number one spot in the beginning, but big blue prevails, as more records are broken. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Avatar (Fox) $75.0, 3456 screens, week 2, $212.2 total

2. Sherlock Holmes (WB) - $65.3, 3626 screens, week 1, $65.3 total

3. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (Fox) - $50.2, 3700 screens, week 1 $77.0 total (Wed Open)

4. It's Complicated (Uni)- $22.1, 2887 screens, week 1, $22.1 total

5. Up In The Air (Par)- $11.7, 1895 screens, week 4, $24.5 total

6. The Blind Side (WB) - $11.7, 2766 screens, week 6, $184.3 total

7. The Princess and the Frog (BV)- $8.6, 3475 screens, week 5, $63.3 total

8. Nine (Wein)- $5.5, 1412 screens, week 2, $5.9 total

9. Invictus (WB) - $4.3, 2160 screens, week 3, $23.3 total

10. The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Sum)- $3.0, 1593 screens, week 6, $280.9 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Sherlock Holmes new nemesis is of Na'Vi descent. Despite breaking the record for money taken in on Xmas day, Sherlock Holmes was unable to derail the Avatar juggernaut in the long run, a feat a lot of people did not see coming. Still, a $62 million opening is not to shabby, and given the lack of anything opening next week and a full week of opening on full throttle as if it were a summer release, it will be just fine.

(Not for nothing, but if you want a good Sherlock Holmes movie, do yourself a favor and put "Without a Clue" in your Netflix queue. It's got Michael Caine, and Ben Kingsley, and the whole premise is that Holmes is an idiot actor played by Caine to bring life to fictional Holmes, a creation of Dr. Watson who is the true brains behind everything. It's good fun).

How about Avatar, though? Retaining the number 1 spot and dropping only 2.6% of last week's take! The holiday time helped, and factor in the exorbitant costs of IMAX and 3-D ticket prices in raising that figure a bit, but that's an insane lack of drop for a blockbuster of this size. With an insane amount of Oscar buzz going, it seems that Cameron can do no wrong. Hopefully the success of this will not cause another twelve year hiatus.

Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel. Just writing it out depresses me. Writing out how much money it made depresses me even more. It's on par with the original's earnings, which means in Xmas 2011 we're going to have a terrible rodent-pun of the word "Trilogy" bestowing our cinemas. I hope you're proud.

There are far too many It's Complicated jokes to be made, so I'm going to leave that to far snarkier writers than I, and congratulate Meryl Streep on another spectacular year of acting. I mean that genuinely, I'll see anything she does.

Blind Side and Up In The Air are neck and neck as well, but I sincerely doubt that's the box office call too close to tell that anyone wanted or cared about. Regardless, you should still check out Up In The Air. Great movie.

The combined fgrosses of all the blockbusters might be enough to push this weekend into the record books as the most profitable weekend of all time, besting the record set by Dark Knight and Mamma Mia upon their release in July of 2008. Also worth noting: in the estimates for the day, they didn't even bother posting the take for Did You Hear About The Morgans. Hopefully one will be hearing from them shortly, but if they are gone will anyone know they were here in the first place? Kinda makes you think, huh?

Below the radar, the final movie of Heath Ledger (The Terry Gilliam one, not the one with the bat man), The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, opened up on 4 screens, and took in $130,000, which is the highest per screen average of the week! Take that, Avatar! Watch for it to expand, in the hopes of generating a fraction of Dark Knight dollars.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, begins the new year, and to celebrate no new movies are being released. So watch for not much to change on this list. Take that as a relief or a warning.

Until next year.......

Box Office Report: Big Blue Edition

Dude here again. Only two more box office reports left for 2009, can you believe it? What a crazy year it's been, from the Mall Cop to the New Moon, and everything in between. It certainly has been a roller coaster ride, full of terrible movies making far too much money, while more deserving films got swept under the rug. It's all part of this ridiculous game that gets played out every week. A game which I bet on every week in Vegas, hoping to make a fraction of the Transformers 2 gross.

To date, I haven't made a dime, mostly because I insisted on betting obscene amounts on movies like Ninja Assassin.

This weekend, James Cameron came around to change everyone's game. Did he succeed? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Avatar (Fox) $73.0, 3452 screens, week 1, $73.0 total

2. The Princess and the Frog (BV)- $12.2, 3475 screens, week 4, $44.7 total

3. The Blind Side (WB) - $10.0, 3407 screens, week 5, $164.7 total

4. Did You Hear About The Morgans? (Sony) - $7.0, 2718 screens, week 1, $7.0 total

5. The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Sum)- $4.3, 3035 screens, week 5, $274.5 total

6. Invictus (WB) - $4.1, 2125 screens, week 2, $15.8 total

7. A Christmas Carol (BV) - $3.4, 2070 screens, week 7, $130.7 total

8. Up In The Air (Par)- $3.1, 175 screens, week 3, $8.1 total

9. Brothers (LGF) - $2.6, 2009 screens, week 3, $22.0 total

10. Old Dogs (BV)- $2.2, 2630 screens, week 4, $43.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that James Cameron (and thousands of bloggers across the world reporting on this) can continue with the mantle of "King of the World". Avatar, the wildly hyped sci-fi 3-D immersion film set a record for Cameron's highest opening weekend, and ensured that Fox will make back the copious amounts of money it spent making and selling the Na'Vi to the human masses. The inflated ticket prices for 3-D and IMAX probably helped a bit too.

Did you hear about the Morgans? That's okay, apparently nobody else did either.

Blind Side, there is just no stopping you is there? Week 5, and you're increasing screens, despite stiff counter-programming of 9 foot tall blue creatures in a 3-D environment? That's ballsy, and exactly the kind of thing that makes this box office game so dang interesting.

And making it's first appearance in the top ten is Up In The Air, pulling in an impressive $3 million while only playing on 175 screens! Watch it to take more when it's released wide on Wednesday.

Below the radar, the final movie of the year with the word "Nine" in the title was released. After Cloud 9, District 9, and 9, we're treated to a musical based on 8 and 1/2, which wisely rounded it up to Nine. On 4 screens, it took in $247,000, taking in the highest per screen average of all, including Big Blue. Other Oscar hopefuls released limited this week are The Young Victoria, which I'm assuming deals with England in fancy dress time, taking in $148,000 on 20 screens, and Crazy Heart, featuring Jeff "The Dude" Bridges, also opening on 4 screens, but only taking in $84,200.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week, we have a new Chipmunks sequel!!!! And Sherlock Holmes played by Iron Man! And we get to see if Avatar is a fluke or has a chance of coming within spitting distance of Titanic's records. (Which it won't).

Until next weekend.......

Victory

Reviews are back! Big Blue and Oscar Gold? (Too Tired to think of proper pun)

I went all nerdy and checked out the 3-D IMAX showing of Avatar last night. It's pretty freakin awesome. I mean this in a positive way, but it's like watching a really great version of The Phantom Menace. Check out my AVATAR review.

I also have a review for Up In The Air, which I saw several weeks ago, but spaced on writing the review. It's a great film, and one I think everyone and their mothers should see.

Finally getting on top of things, technologically speaking.

And I got myself an IMDB page. I'm working on bulking that up a bit. Don't know if I can find a way to put that Fantastic Mr. Anderson thing up there, but they don't have "Internet Video Interviews" sections on the IMDB.

Buncha jerks.

Speaking of jerks, if I got a Twitter account, would you lose respect for me?

Box Office Report: Really late, sorry

Dude here again. Long day of air travel yesterday, apologies, but this is a truncated report. Mostly because it's old news by this point, but that's what I get for pretending to live my life like I'm in a George Clooney movie. Next week I intend to gather my friends to rob a casino!

(I'm not really doing that)

This weekend, The Blind Side slows down a little, Twilight slows down a lot, and other things happen too. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Princess and the Frog (BV)- $24.2, 3434 screens, week 3, $27.0 total

2. The Blind Side (WB) - $15.0, 3388 screens, week 4, $149.8 total

3. Invictus (WB) - $8.6, 2125 screens, week 1, $8.6 total

4. The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Sum)- $7.9, 3635 screens, week 4, $267.3 total

5. A Christmas Carol (BV) - $6.8, 2402 screens, week 6, $124.4 total

6. Brothers (LGF) - $5.0, 2088 screens, week 2, $17.4 total

7. Old Dogs (BV)- $4.4, 3090 screens, week 3, $39.9 total

8. 2012 (Sony) - $4.3, 1838 screens, week 5, $155.2 total

9. Armored (ScrGms)- $3.5, 1919 screens, week 2, $11.7 total

10. Ninja Assassin (WB) $2.7, 2100 screens, week 3, $34.3 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Disney can claim they still make animated movies alright. No matter how racially insensitive the ads mislead you to believe.

Invcitus opened and showed that audiences don't care for rugby as much as they do North American football, even if Matt Damon is the one playing the rugby and Nelson Mandela is approving.

Everything else just remains in a holding pattern until the big holiday blockbusters come, so enjoy Ninja Assassin and Fantastic Mr. Fox while you still can, because they're gonna need to make room for Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 soon. Listen carefully to the winds for the loud sigh I'm going to bestow upon you.

Below the radar, some Oscar contenders opened in limited release. A Single Man opened up on 9 screens to take in $217,332, and The Lovely Bones opened on 3 screens and took in $116,616. If you just hear the titles of those movies, it sounds pornographic. Look for the inevitable XXX parodies shortly.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week a new movie from that guy who made the movie about the boat that sank.

Until next weekend.......

Box Office Report: Deja vu, kinda

Dude here again. I'm coming at you after a weekend filled with a little less movie viewing and a little more holiday shopping, alongside some brunch. Not to go on a rant here, but brunch is a pretty awesome creation. Mostly because I can get away with eating a sandwich in the morning that doesn't contain eggs, but does contain bacon! That right there is a reason for celebrating across the world and hailing brunch for all the glories contained within.

Unless you're a vegetarian, in which case you're boned, but hey, more bacon for me!

This weekend, a little switcharoo between the top two gorillas, while some smaller films try to make waves. Oh, and a record is broken! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Blind Side (WB) - $20.4, 3326 screens, week 3, $129.2 total

2. The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Sum)- $15.7, 4124 screens, week 3, $255.6 total

3. Brothers (LGF) - $9.7, 2088 screens, week 1, $9.7 total

4. A Christmas Carol (BV) - $7.5, 2546 screens, week 5, $115.0 total

5. Old Dogs (BV)- $6.9, 3425 screens, week 2, $33.9 total

6. Armored (ScrGms)- $6.6, 1915 screens, week 1, $6.6 total

7. 2012 (Sony) - $6.6, 3220 screens, week 4, $148.7 total

8. Ninja Assassin (WB) $5.0, 2503 screens, week 2, $29.7 total

9. Planet 51 (Sony)- $4.3, 2904 screens, week 3, $33.9 total

10. Everybody's Fine (Mir) - $4.0, 2133 screens, week 1, $4.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that once again The Blind Side and Twilight: New Moon continue their struggle for dominance (and relevance) and retain the top two spots. Only this time they made far less, which means hysteria is dying down and we have a nice calm before the storm of nerds strike back in an attempt to have Avatar make New Moon numbers. Which it probably won't.

For those of you who wanted to see Spiderman square off against Donnie Darko while Natalie Portman watches on, Brothers is the movie for you, and it opened up to $9 million. Impressive for a movie that isn't based on audiences confusing the two actors with each other.

Armored impressed nobody this weekend. This puts a damper on all other heist flicks that don't involve 11 people and an ocean.

We've let Old Dogs make $33 million. You've also let Boondock Saints 2 make almost $7 million. And then we watch Ninja Assassin slowly wither away and die on the branch. Words can not convey...

Below the radar, Up In The Air, quite possibly the best movie this year, opened up on 15 screens, and took in $1.1 million. This will expand in the upcoming weeks, and I highly recommend it. It's a film both timely and timeless. And I promised you a record being broken, so here it is: Transylmania, a film that tried to capitalize on the vampire trend of late, took in $274,000 on 1007 screens. Which means it's the worst opening weekend of a movie released on more than 1000 screens! See kids? Sometimes not trying is a way to win recognition and awards, too!

There you have my amazing break down. Next week a 2-D animated Disney movie opens up wide, a new Clint Eastwood movie will try to wring our hearts and win awards, a few more limited openings of much anticipated award worthy flicks, and one more week of heavy nerd fanboy breathing!

Until next weekend.......

Brian, the other roommate, is also an actor.

Brian, aka B-Spaz (to those in the hardcore community), hasn't had as much impact on the blog as Dan. For this I apologize, because the guy is even more chock full o' nuggets than Dan is. Although he appeared in this crazy foreign languaged commercial:



Anyway, Brian has passed along this message. He's been selected as one of 25 audition finalists to become a new cast member of an already established webisode series called "Showbizzle" for it's second season. Voting will end on December 10th, so he's kindly asked to visit the site and cast your vote for his video "I'm not an actor." (You may have to register, I'm not too sure yet)

http://showbizzle.com/announcement/2009-12-04/vote-for-audition-finalists-now

Do the man a favor and cast a vote his way, because the more work he gets, the more he can cover me when my unemployment checks stop coming.

And speaking of me, why not watch that video I did with Jason Schwartzman as Wes Anderson again? Now in the YouTube format. (For any HD viewers out there, I believe this satisfies urges.)



I promise I'll stop pimping it out soon, and start working on the next thing, of which I have no idea how I can top it. Any suggestions? Preferably ones that don't involve stop motion.

Remember that story about the meth?

The one that involved me transporting this bag:


This was the movie it was for:

(Trailer is not safe for working or youngster environment. Unless you have headphones, in which case, go buckwild)

Capital picture, Jim!

Freakin Adorable Kitten Thing!

What? Not everything has to be about my shameless self promotion.



How flipping cute is that?

Fuck you for judging me.

Another cool stop motion video!

Hey, check this out. This was done by Andy Holton, who was one of the instrumental folks in turning the Fantastic Mr. Anderson from a crazy idea in my mind into a reality. Here, he's done an awesome stop motion for a skateboard. Check it out!

The kind of infectious that's good to spread! UPDATED!!

The awesome folk over at /Film have given love to my Fantastic Mr. Anderson interview!!!

(They just made the links section!)

If you're a fan of the short, feel free to post the link to the moviesonline.ca page on your Facebooks or Twitters and Diggs and stuff. I don't know how to work this wacky interwebz contraption, but this is a wave I can ride for at least a few days. With enough drawing out, I think this thing can be flavor of the week!

Well maybe not.

But still, it's fun to dream. Thanks for the good words and support!


Oh, and while you're at it, feel free to check out my Ninja Assassin review! It was a great screening, and though you weren't all there in person, you were there in spirit alongside me!

UPDATED: The "Movieline Buzz Break", and Drew "Moriarty" McWeeney over at his HitFix Morning Read have also been awesome and featured the interview as well! Many thanks! Check out their sites as well! Spread the love like peanut butter!

Box Office Report: Giving Thanks

Dude here again. Coming to you with at the tail end of an over-stuffed holiday weekend. I had a glorious holiday and celebratory weekend, that was full of food and laughs and good times and movies. Movies that included vampires and werewolves and footballs and old dogs. And a ninja. That was an assassin.

Which would make him a Ninja Assassin!

This weekend, a lot of things remained in the same place, while some newcomers tried to sit at the big kids' table. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Sum)- $42.5, 4042 screens, week 2, $230.6 total

2. The Blind Side (WB) - $40.1, 3140 screens, week 2, $100.2 total

3. 2012 (Sony) - $18.0, 3444 screens, week 3, $138.7 total

4. Old Dogs (BV)- $16.8, 3425 screens, week 1, $24.0 total

5. A Christmas Carol (BV) - $16.0, 3013 screens, week 4, $105.3 total

6. Ninja Assassin (WB) $13.1, 2503 screens, week 1, $21.0 total

7. Planet 51 (Sony)- $10.2, 3035 screens, week 2, $28.4 total

8. Precious... (LGF) - $7.09, 663 screens, week 4, $32.4 total

9. Fantastic Mr. Fox (Fox)- $7.02, 2033 screens, week 3, $10.1 total

10. The Men Who Stare At Goats (Over) - $1.5, 1119 screens, week 4, $30.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Twilight surpassed it's original take, and took in even more money! Although, it should be noted that hot on its' heels is The blind Side, which sort of came out of nowhere to become a smash hit, and even took in more on Thanksgiving day than Twilight! From Mall Cop to Taken to Hangover to District 9 to Blind Side, it's been a crazy year for movies that you never would think could make the amounts of money they did.

Old Dogs, a movie that boasts a final Bernie Mac appearance AND quite possibly the worst reviews of the year (the most venomous, at least) managed to pull in $24 million in five days. This brings me back to that angry place I was telling you about a few weeks ago.

Ninja Assassin opened up decently for a ninja movie, against the other movies, but seriously, people, couldn't we have scrounged some change up and given more to the cause of ninja movies? Because if one does well, that means we get more, and we need more ninja movies than vampire movies these days.

Fantastic Mr. Fox made it's way up the charts in wider release, and did alright. If you haven't already, check out this AWESOME INTERVIEW I did with Wes Anderson promoting the film!

Below the radar, The Weinstein Company finally saw fit to release The Road on 111 screens. The post-apocalyptic downer took in just over $2 million over the five day holiday period. Also opening, on evening fewer screens, and boasting the largest per screen average of the week is the new 2D Disney animated Princess and the Frog, which took in $1.1 million on 2 screens in 5 days. Good to know Disney still owns the market on the exclusive animated release.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week things slow down as we make it towards the end of the year, as more Oscar bait and limited releases come up, and fanboys' hearts palpitate for Avatar.

Until next weekend.......

Fantastic Mr. Anderson!!!

The long awaited Stop Motion Fantastic Mr. Fox Interview I did is up and running!!! Check it out, spread it like herpes across the interwebs!!!!

I write stuff sometimes - UPDATED WITH MORE AWESOMENESS!!

I have a Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans review, as well as an anti-review of Twilight: New Moon. Check them out! Please!

Later this week, my amazing interview with Wes Anderson that will melt your face off!!!

Apparently the Star Trek guys are such nerds, they threw in R2D2. This made me like the movie even more.



AND...

The long awaited reunion of Dolph Lundgren and Jean Claude Van Damme has been bestowed upon us, with the release of this trailer for Universal Soldier: Regeneration!

Box Office Report Saga: New Moon

Dude here again. Did some movie come out this weekend that makes teen girls squeal with delight much to the chagrin of those around them? Did some movie come out and break some records, thus ensuring more of these films to come?

This is the way the world ends, not with a whimper, but with a bang.

This weekend, Twilight 2: Electric Boogaloo was unleashed. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Sum)- $140.7, 4024 screens, week 1, $140.7 total

2. The Blind Side (WB) - $34.5, 3110 screens, week 1, $34.5 total

3. 2012 (Sony) - $26.5, 3408 screens, week 2, $108.2 total

4. Planet 51 (Sony)- $12.6, 3035 screens, week 1, $12.6 total

5. A Christmas Carol (BV) - $12.3, 3578 screens, week 3, $79.7 total

6. Precious... (LGF) - $11.0, 629 screens, week 3, $21.4 total

7. The Men Who Stare At Goats (Over) - $2.7, 2056 screens, week 3, $27.6 total

8. Couples Retreat (Uni) $1.9, 1712 screens, week 7, $105.0 total

9. The Fourth Kind (Uni)- $1.7, 1648 screens, week 3, $23.3 total

10. Law Abiding Citizen (Over)- $1.6, 1327 screens, week 6, $70.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that you Twihards aren't effin' around. $140 million in 3 days? Third highest opening weekend! Biggest midnight show and opening day of all time! (Beating that Batman movie with the Brokeback actor). Most swoons and shrieks per minute in a theater of all time! (To be fair, the first Twilight held that record until now). New Moon is unstoppable, although I'm willing to bet Summit REALLY wishes Stephanie Meyer didn't stop the saga at four books. Watch for the last book to be split into 2 parts, just like Harry Potter, in an attempt to milk even more cash from obedient fans.

Did anyone see that amount of money being made for The Blind Side? Did anyone SEE The Blind Side? It's really difficult to not make a pun about being blind-sided by this revelation.

Planet 51 opened up, but probably should've gone the 3-D route, as it would have made a bit more money and not have been lost in the shuffle of things.

2012 drops steadily, but that's to be expected. After all, we were warned. Christmas Story chugs along, but it has an uphill climb as the theaters are flooded with flicks concerning teen vampires. And Precious continues to expand and depress, a surefire Oscar-bation strategy!

Below the radar, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, starring Nicolas Cage and an iguana, took in $257,000 on 27 screens. Why is there no "DEMAND IT" campaign for this movie, huh? Also opening was the latest from Pedro Almodovar, Broken Embraces, which opened up on 2 screens to take in $108,000 for the highest per screen average out of every movie, including the vampire one. One record not taken in the face of the juggernaut.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week we finally get a movie about a Ninja Assassin!!! Silver linings, people. Silver linings.

Until next weekend.......

Let's go to Dagobah, mothafucka!

Box Office Report: We Were Warned

Dude here again. I want you all to think about what you've done.

Seriously.

This weekend, Roland Emmerich was granted reprieve and will be allowed to make more movies. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. 2012 (Sony) - $65.0, 3404 screens, week 1, $65.0 total

2. A Christmas Carol (BV) - $22.3, 3683 screens, week 2, $63.2 total

3. The Men Who Stare At Goats (Over) - $6.2, 2453 screens, week 2, $23.3 total

4. Precious... (LGF) - $6.0, 174 screens, week 2, $8.9 total

5. Michael Jackson's This Is It (Sony)- $5.1, 3037 screens, week 3, $68.2 total

6. The Fourth Kind (Uni)- $4.7, 2530 screens, week 2, $20.5 total

7. Couples Retreat (Uni) $4.2, 2509 screens, week 6, $102.1 total

8. Paranormal Activity (Par) - $4.2, 2712 screens, week 8, $103.8 total

9. Law Abiding Citizen (Over)- $3.9, 2071 screens, week 5, $67.3 total

10. The Box (WB)- $3.1, 2635 screens, week 2, $13.2 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that now we get more movies "From the director of 2012", instead of "From the director of 10,000 B.C." Thanks a lot. Jerks.

Oh Precious, taking in lots of money on few screens, building Oscar buzz and depressing the living hell out of people. If only you had been directed by the man who brought us Universal Soldier.

A Christmas Carol... I'm too tired to come up with a snarky remark, so ... performance capture this!

Did Paranormal Activity AND Couples Retreat cross the $100 million mark this weekend? Is there an "un-demand this" button? Perhaps an "App", to use the parlance of our times?

Below the radar, Pirate Radio takes in just about $2 million, and Boondock Saints 2 expands and takes in over $1 million. These numbers are saddening. However, Fantastic Mr. Fox opened up on 4 screens and took in $260,000, which inspires smiles by all. Hopefully this translates well when the film expands. If there are still screens left that aren't showing Boondock Saints 2. *Shudder*

There you have my amazing break down. Next week I think some movie about vampires comes out. Twilight Something? I don't know. I hope it has Blade in it.

Until next weekend.......

Milestones, and other things for your weekend.

Earlier this week I achieved something that I hope can one day, in the annals of history, be can only be recognized as not just amazing, but also inspiring.

When I first moved out to California four and a half years ago, I signed up with a website called Sploofus, which is a weird internet time wasting quiz website. But they offer a trivia question of the day, that gets emailed to you, you click the link and have 30 seconds to answer a question that can be about anything from obscure chemical compounds and French Enlightenment artists to who played Raj on "What's Happening?"


(It's Ernest Thomas)

Since joining, I have dutifully answered every question asked of me each and every day, although sometimes when I'm on vacation, or when they have a problem on their end, I let them pile up and have a full out Trivia marathon! (Admit it, I'm the coolest person you know!) Sometimes there are internet connections that get lost, that cause me to not answer the question in the allotted time, but those are few and far between.


Anyway, this week I answered my 1000th trivia question correctly. It was a question about atomic numbers. That host of angelic choir voices you hear are the saints singing my praises.


This is how I saw myself in my mind when I answered it.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't that monumental, but I was really proud and had to share someplace that doesn't matter about a Live Feed versus a News Feed. Plus I didn't really have anything for Milestones besides the title, so I had to try to make something fit.

Something bizarre also happened this week. I was drinking at Johnny's, a bar in Eagle Rock (California, not Jersey, although there is a cool bowling alley in the California Eagle Rock as well) and I came across a man who, in the course of our conversation I learned, has the same tattoo as myself. In the same place. His is just expanded. Thank you, Steven for allowing this picture comparison.

(Mine is the one on the right).

In other news, I have a few reviews up: Pirate Radio, Fantastic Mr. Fox, and The Box. When said aloud and fast, it could pass for a nursery rhyme. Check them out if wanted to know about any of them, and spread them around the interweb like peanut butter.


(Hey, it's Phil. There are pirates here.)

The Top Secret Brady-Mike Project has been sidetracked a little, and I apologize, as I've been doing some other top secret work for the website that should begin poking it's head around the interwebs starting next week. Fear not, it shall be done, and you will know the brilliance. (But some of these things are taking longer than expected).

Speaking of brilliance, I finally managed to get a good copy of "Good Luck" online! You can see it here-



I changed a line that had always bothered me, but I think it's funny and worth checking out. Alternately, I may make a version with director's commentary, if I deem it funny enough.

And I shall leave you with a funny tale. A few weeks back, my friend Jim asks me if I can do him a favor. Jim works in the talking pictures business, and the latest movie his company is working on is a raunchy sex comedy. (Which I've seen and is far better than I thought it was going to be, and way the fuck beyond better than the final piece of shit "Pimpin Pee Wee" I worked on earlier this year).

Jim says they are doing some more shots, and could I help them out by picking up the fake semen.

"Ummm.... what?" was my reply.

"The stuff that we use to make fake semen, for the huge spooge-plosion at the end of the picture!" Jim bellowed*, cigar hanging out of his mouth and bowler hat at rakish angle.

"So, you want me to tool around town with a 55 gallon drum of jizz in my backseat?" I asked. My hat was at nowhere near as rakish an angle.

"No, no, no. It's like a pre-made mix, you pick up the mix, and they add water to it when they're ready to shoot it out of the canon", Jim boldly replied.

"Well that makes much more sense. I'll do it!"

Jim informed me that that I would pick up a one pound bag of the mix, which is just a chemical compound called Methyl Cellulose. It's already paid for, and the best part is it's a hop skip and a jump from apartment.

Let's take a moment and reflect that the movie industry is prepared for anything, so much so that they actually discovered the perfect recipe for creating fake on-screen ejaculate. And that it's ready in pre-mixed bags.

So I pull up to the supply house, and I tell them I'm picking up for the production, and the kind gentleman behind the counter hands me a clear plastic bag that has the mix. The bag, it should be noted, is marked thusly:



And there are two of these in the bag, one on each side, proclaiming the contents within.

When I got to Jim's office, I had to park a few blocks away, and walk down the street with this lovely bag. I got some weird looks, especially from the traffic nazi. That's Hollywood for ya!

Have a great weekend!

(*So, the conversation happened over Instant Messenger, but I continue to believe that Jim works in a 1930s cliche of Hollywood, despite working in the valley next to a hair salon).

Box Office Report: Performance Captured Edition

Dude here again. Halloween is now officially over, and the Chrismanzakuh holiday season has begun! I know this because the people on my street took down their Halloween decorations and put up Christmas decorations instead. Except for one guy who always leaves the Halloween stuff up until February. I'm sure he's making some sort of political/social statement by doing this.

Or he's even lazier than I am.

This weekend, four major releases duke it out, including our first Christmas movie of the season (which makes sense because it's early November! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. A Christmas Carol (BV) - $31.0, 3683 screens, week 1, $31.0 total

2. Michael Jackson's This Is It (Sony)- $14.0, 3481 screens, week 2, $57.8 total

3. The Men Who Stare At Goats (Over) - $13.3, 2443 screens, week 1, $13.3 total

4. The Fourth Kind (Uni)- $12.5, 2527 screens, week 1, $12.5 total

5. Paranormal Activity (Par) - $8.6, 2558 screens, week 7, $97.4 total

6. The Box (WB)- $7.8, 2635 screens, week 1, $7.8 total

7. Couples Retreat (Uni) $6.4, 2587 screens, week 5, $95.9 total

8. Law Abiding Citizen (Over)- $6.1, 2474 screens, week 4, $60.8 total

9. Where The Wild Things Are (WB) - $4.2, 2756 screens, week 4, $69.2 total

10. Astro Boy (Sum) - $2.5, 1918 screens, week 3, $15.0 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Christmas reigns supreme, but again, not nearly as much as money counting people were probably hoping for, given the cost. Next week will be the true test of the film's strength, as it will probably play a lot of theaters until Christmas actually arrives, but this does probably put the kibosh on future Dickens' tales transformed with the magic of 3-D performance capture, which is a shame as I was looking forward to A Tale of Two Cities with Jim Carrey portraying everyone, including the two cities.

Surprising a lot of people is The Men Who Stare At Goats, a tale of goats and George Clooney, which once again proves my theory that Clooney can do no wrong, so long as he continues making interesting movies for adults. Some my say Fantastic Mr Fox, which opens next week, would prove the exception to the rule, but I say those people haven't paid attention to the amount of real estate jokes in the film.

The Fourth Kind opened up to HORRIBLE reviews, but managed to piggy-back on the Paranormal Activity phenomenon to pull in $12 million dollars. I don't know if this makes me happy or sad, but the movie does look ridiculous, which means I sort of can't wait to see it.

And poor Richard Kelly. The director of Donnie Darko and Southland Tales released his first studio effort, and while it made more than his previous films combined, it was still a disappointing first weekend for the film, losing out to the 7th week of Paranormal Activity, and the goats.

Below the radar, Precious: Based on the novel "Push" by Sapphire made $1.8 million on 18 screens, which gives it a per screen average of roughly $100,000. Outstanding work for a film that's garnered a lot of buzz for awards, even if it depresses the living hell out of the audience. (Not to mention the grief that long title must give those who change marquees for a living).

There you have my amazing break down. Next week we get another Roland Emmerich world ending spectacle! (Sadly, this one involves no wooly mammoths, but it has John Cusack outrunning global destruction in a limo! And that aforementioned Mr. Fox opens up in limited release.

Until next weekend.......

This is it: Box Office Report. (Get it?)

Dude here again. I did some math, and figured out that if you add up all the money that all the top ten films have made, from the time I started doing this four years ago, it would be enough to put the entire world out of debt three times over, feed the starving, house the homeless, reverse global warming, and send every child to college.

Well, that might be exaggerating things a bit.

This weekend, a new challenger to the throne manages to succeed and disappoint, while Paranormal Activity continues to flip the bird to much more expensive fare. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates. The actuals will be available on Monday).

1. Michael Jackson's This Is It (Sony)- $21.3, 3481 screens, week 1, $32.5 total (Wed Open)

2. Paranormal Activity (Par) - $16.5, 2404 screens, week 6, $84.7 total

3. Law Abiding Citizen (Over)- $7.3, 2764 screens, week 3, $51.3 total

4. Couples Retreat (Uni) $6.0, 3026 screens, week 4, $86.2 total

5. Saw VI (LGF)- $5.5, 3036 screens, week 2, $22.8 total

6. Where The Wild Things Are (WB) - $5.0, 3645 screens, week 3, $61.8 total

7. The Stepfather (ScrGms) - $3.4, 2346 screens, week 3, $24.7 total

8. Astro Boy (Sum) - $3.0, 3020 screens, week 2, $10.8 total

9. Amelia (FoxS) - $3.0, 1070 screens, week 2, $8.3 total

10. Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (Uni)- $2.8, 2754 screens, week 2, $10.5 total

So those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that Michael Jackson can still be a draw, but not as much as people were thinking. Opening on Wednesday to pretty much universal acclaim, the concert film event of the decade (I'm calling you out, Hannah Montana!) managed to take in $32 million in 5 days and simultaneously disappoint the money people who thought it would take in twice that. FUN FACT: This Is It makes a great double feature with What Is It?, Crispin Glover's directorial debut, but only for literal marquee value.

Oh, wow, that Michael Jackson movie was the only wide release. this is disappointing.

At this point Paranormal Activity is genuinely a phenomenon, and is almost at the threshold between popular acceptance and backlash. Now we play the guessing game of the possible directions the inevitable sequel can head in. Horrid and rushed retread? Complete series "reboot"? I vote for horribly meta film-within-the-film, where the director and the stars, and even the audiences (which are the only things I see in any of the TV ads) are suddenly plagued by demonic forces.

Take a long look at that total for Couples Retreat and Law Abiding Citizen and think about what you've done.

Below the radar, Boondock Saints II: Strictly For The Cult of Fans opened up on 68 screens and took in $462,000 on its way to achieving a secondary cult status on DVD, which would beg a third in the series because trilogies are all the rage these days. Also opening is Gentlemen Broncos, a film which only I seem to have liked, which opened up on 2 screens and took in $10,000.

There you have my amazing break down. Next week is the first week in November which means a Christmas movie is going to be released. And a mainstream film from Richard Kelly. And a movie about "real life" alien abductions that will sadly fall aside to the Paranormal Activity wave. And a movie with the word goat in the title.

Until next weekend.......