Saturday, April 07, 2007

Grindhouse: The review


Your enjoyment of Grindhouse is dependent upon your enjoyment of the OTHER Rodriguez/Tarantino collaboration From Dusk Till Dawn. If you enjoyed the first half of Dawn, where the desperado criminals talk for a real long time and act cool and mean, but hated when the movie became a monster house of vampires, then you'll probably enjoy solely the Tarantino film "Death Proof". Conversely, if the vampires in the bar was the only thing you liked, and wished the entire movie was like that, you'll love "Planet Terror", but probably find Death Proof a little slow on the go. If you hated the entire film altogether, go see another movie. But if you truly enjoyed the entirety of From Dusk Till Dawn, you will burst with glee at Grindhouse.

There's no denying the entertainment value of the entire experiment. I had more fun in the theater than when those pesky snakes climbed aboard that darn plane. Grindhouse is first and foremost a theatrical experience. It's a film that encourages yelling at the screen, and laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. You get into it. You LOVE it. The film succeeds in recreating the movie experience that the directors are meticulously replicating. For that alone, it deserves some respect.

(However, I need to point out the extent to which they recreate the experience kind of drove me a little batty, having worked as a projectionist for many years. The scratches, jumps, film breaks, bad splices, poor focus, and other elements added to make the experience exactly as it was made the projectionist inside me cringe. Oddly enough, this is a compliment.)

There's not much point into telling you what the film is about, as it's more about two directors who clearly love trash cinema of yesteryear and wanted to pass that joy onto their fans as much as it's about muscle cars and zombies. It's really about an attitude of cool that I'm finally willing to accept. It's nice to know that Tarantino and Rodriguez are as big a film geek as I am, and it shows in their work. There's no cool detachment from the work, but a genuine love. That's what separates it from the actual Grindhouse films of the 70s, and that's what makes this such a good time.

Here's a brief overview of what kicks ass about the film: It begins with Machete, a fake trailer for a movie I honestly can't wait to see. Then Planet Terror begins with Rose McGowan doing a stripper dance, so already the movie has me hooked. From there, it's 80 minutes of sheer mayhem, full of slime and gore and zombie carnage. And Jeff Fahey, who honestly could be giving the best performance of his life. (Which knocks Darkman 3: Die Darkman Die! from the top). Oh, and lots of lingering shots of Rose which is nice, but oddly disconcerting if you take into consideration the off screen hijinks between her and the director. Then a lot more zombie gore. Hot, zombie on zombie action. Well, not really, but I've become embroiled by the sensationalism of the whole experience.

Planet Terror nails down the mood and feel of these films, but there's no denying it's a Rodriguez film. Albeit, a Rodriguez film with free reign to do whatever he wants, that doesn't involve little kids as spies. He's not confined to the stylistic requirements of Sin City, and he's allowed to do whatever he wants. And the man succeeds. My favorite bit if his was the score to the film. It sounds straight from a John Carpenter film. In fact, Planet Terror is pretty much the greatest John Carpenter movie never made. That's meant to be complimentary.

After Planet Terror, we're treated to 3 more fake trailers for movies I want to see. Rob Zombie's "Werewolf Women of the S.S." is pretty much what you expect from something called Rob Zombie's Werewolf Women of the S.S. I must say, the werewolf women were quite fetching. (Lorielle New is quite a looker, with or without lots of hair). And Eli Roth's Thanksgiving is possibly the greatest thing he has ever done. It's sick and twisted, and everything that Roth should be.

But the greatest trailer, and my favorite part of the entire movie was Edgar Wright's trailer. It's about 90 seconds of pure genius. Yes I am biased. Yes I also saw Hot Fuzz and am on a "Wright Is God" kick. But you'll see what I mean.

Then it's onto Death Proof, which kicks off with the music used at the beginning of Land of the Giants, a film I quite enjoyed on Mystery Science Theater 3000. (Come to think of it, both these films would do well with silhouetted robots in the corner shouting wisecracks at the screen). Then the Tarantino dialogue begins. And it keeps on going as we follow three obnoxious girls. Then we meet Kurt Russell. And he has a badass muscle car. It's seriously badass. But then it keeps going back to the obnoxious girls talking and talking. Then something really cool happens. Then we're introduced to four new girls who keep talking and talking, except this time they're a little more interesting. And one of them is Rosario Dawson, who is my dream girl, although co-star Zoe Bell might be giving Rosario a fight for my affections. But they talk, and talk some more, then get a car to drive fast (but first they keep talking about what they're going to do with the car).

And then an unbelievable car chase happens. It's amazing. And all stunt work and movie magic, no CG. It's incredible.

Tarantino's film is full of the things he loves (women's feet, snappy dialogue, music from other movies, etc), and at first feels really self indulgent. But then you realize that he's not only paying homage to girls and cars films of yore, but he's faithfully recreating them. There was a lot of dead weight in those films, taking a VERY long time to get anywhere, and usually the payoff wasn't even worth it. While I didn't care for the first group of talking girls, the chase completely made up for it.

There are also a lot of fun little things to pick up on, such as the one reel take in the diner. (Look in the background). And in the bar scene, clearly hanging is Jack Burton's T-shirt from Big Trouble in Little China. I geeked out hardcore at that moment. And Jack Burton himself, Kurt Russell, is clearly having a lot of fun. It's nice to see Kurt as a badass again, even if his Snake can't come out of retirement.


The only other badass that can match wits with Kurt, however, is Zoe Bell. Zoe is a stuntwoman from New Zealand, who doubled for Uma Thurman in the Kill Bill movies, and who plays herself in Death Proof.. She's spunky, cute, with an accent to die for, and to put it frankly, balls of steel. She's a wild and crazy woman, and I like her. She's reason enough to get to the second half of the movie.

Death Proof isn't bad, it's just tough to get into after the sugar high pop of Planet Terror. In fact, upon second viewing, I found Death Proof gets better. While both films could have benefitted from some cutting (and not just the missing reel scenes, which are played to brilliant comic perfection), it doesn't matter. Much like chocolate and peanut butter, these are two great tastes that taste great together. It's three hours of violence and mayhem and tough guys and hot dames and fast cars and explosions. It's a perfect night at the movies for me, and if you're like me (and as cool as I am, which is possible, but not really probable), then you'll have a blast with Grindhouse.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Ummm......

I feel kinda bad now. While I appreciate all the words of encouragement and hope from the multitudes of folk who were kind enough to offer me congratulations, as well as encouragement about my writing prowess and capability, I would like to draw everyone's attention to the date posted over the "Huge Fuckin' News" headline.

Sorry.

No... I'm sorry.

Here's another McRib, though.

Box Office Report: 4-2-07

Dude here again, coming at ya on a double whammy of a day: Opening Day for the New York Mets AND April Fool's Day. (Triple whammy if you're my roommate, because Wrestlemania is also this evening). My original plan was to make a completely fake list of the top ten movies at the box office, but reality set in as a) I realized this probably won;t be seen until April 2nd or beyond; and b) It really was too much work. And I'm a lazy man.

This weekend, we have Will Ferrell and Jon Heder combining forces on the ice, a new Disney CG movie that Pixar has nothing to do with, and Pedro Martinez seems to be on the DL for the first half of the season. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Blades of Glory (Par/DW) - $33.0, 3372 screens, week 1, $33.0 total

2. Meet The Robinsons (BV) - $25.056, 3413 screens, week 1, $25.056 total

3. 300 (WB) - $11.155, 3004 screens, week 4, $179.66 total

4. TMNT (WB) - $9.16, 3120 screens, week 2, $38.4 total

5. Wild Hogs (BV)- $8.389, 3200 screens, week 5, $135.355 total

6. Shooter (Par) - $8.0, 2806 screens, week 2, $27.2 total

7. Premonition (Sony) - $5.1, 2474 screens, week 3, $39.3 total

8. The Last Mimzy (NL) - $4.0, 3017 screens, week 2, $16.19 total

15. Carlos Beltran (CF) - .275 AVG, 41 HRs, 116 RBI, 127 Runs

7. Jose Reyes (SS) - .300 AVG, 19 HRs, 81 RBI, 122 Runs


Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that when Will Ferrell does wacky sports comedies, people will come. It helps if the movie is funny, and I have no basis of reference for that, as I have yet to see the movie. But it has Will Arnett and Amy Pohler as the rival skaters, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Meet The Robinsons, however, seems to have made quite a bit, but it has a lot to struggle with, especially when compared to the Pixar output that is far superior. Critics feel the film's best parts involve Delgado's opposite-field, two-run double high off the left-field wall put the Mets ahead in the third, and the Mets made it 5-0 in the fourth on Lo Duca's two-out single and an RBI single by Beltran. Lo Duca added an RBI single in the ninth off Brad Thompson.

After David Eckstein hit an RBI double in the sixth, Beltran threw out Eckstein at the plate on Preston Wilson's sharp single to center. Yadier Molina ended the inning by breaking his bat on an infield popup with the bases loaded. Tom Glavine got his 291st win and Carlos Delgado put the Mets ahead with an early two-run double off Chris Carpenter, leading New York to a 6-1 victory Sunday night in the major league season opener.

And in the "Because It's There" series: The Lookout took in $2,007,000 on 955 screens, bringing it's grand total to $2,007,000 in 1 week.

There you have my break down. Next week, the Mets will continue to play the Cards, followed by a series with the Braves

Until next weekend....

Sunday, April 01, 2007

HUGE FUCKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!

Akiva Goldsmith... Kevin Williamson... And now... ME!!!!!!

Your's truly, the Dude. (ME!) has finally sold a script!!!!!!

And not just any script.... the mother of ALL scripts!!!!!!!

That's right....

BURGER ACADEMY 2 THE VENGEANCE IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING MOTION PICTURE!!!!! ON A SCREEN AND EVERYTHING!!!!! YOU'LL BE ABLE TO ENJOY MY FILM ALONGSIDE ANNOYING MYSPACE TEENS WHO CAN'T STOP TEXT MESSAGING THE PERSON DOWN THE AISLE FROM THEM!!!!!!!!!


FUCKIN A WHAT A GREAT DAY!!!!! DETAILS FORTHCOMING, BUT UNTIL THEN HERE'S A MCRIB!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Hey Kids... It's Hump Day!

I've smacked myself hard in the face for referring to today as hump day. There are times when I'm really happy I don't have to work in an office environment, solely so I don't have to hear idiots say that phrase. And yet, here I am. Saying it.

Some random things for your enjoyment:


Reelgirl over at E Online was kind enough to drop a small mention of my exploits from my date with Jessica Alba on her blog. So now, I've been mentioned on E Online. Far out! Let the rumor mill fly! I'm slowly taking the nation by storm, one starlet at a time.

My ultimate dream goal would involve Rosario Dawson and an Ihop. But that's neither here nor there.



I forgot to mention before that Reelgirl is responsible for the lovely photograph of the proverbial fries from the story. Many thanks her way for the shout out and the picture. (And for helping me understand the struggles that blind people must face in their everyday lives).


Oh, and I found this today. It's wrong. Very wrong. A special message for my readers who have children: If they like Kermit, don't let them near. Please. It's for their own sake.

Monday, March 26, 2007

I got Alba's fries!

This girl.


This guy.


These fries.


The whole story can be found at Horror-Movies.ca.

Awww, hell, since I love you so much, here's the first paragraph:

The clouds above me are a dark gray, rare for Los Angeles, but certainly not unheard of. I stand on the roof of post modern hotel, at a bar with decor that can best described as "ridonkulous". I stand, knowing that a few blocks away, down below in the streets of Los Angeles (Grand St. between 5th and 6th, to be precise), Sue Storm herself, Ms. Jessica Alba, is trying to emerge from a taxi cab in the rain. For a brief second, I wonder if Ms. Alba has enough pull in Hollywood to actually have caused this overcast day to accommodate the filming schedule. (Or maybe Budha/Zues/Odin/God, etc is just a REALLY big Dark Angel fan). All I know is, it must be really difficult for an actress to get out of a cab in the rain, holding an umbrella, a violin, and a cane all at once. Right, I probably should have mentioned that Alba is playing a blind woman. For this scene, anyway.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Box Office Report: 3-25-07

Dude here again, with another astonishing report from the front lines of Hollywood. I'm in the thick of it, but somehow, somewhere, I find the strength making me capable enough to report these numbers to you.

This weekend, we have six new releases trying to knock 300 from the top spot. Did any of them actually succeed? Well, if you skip these opening paragraphs I spend hours writing ahead of time, and look down at the chart, you'll see for yourself. But still, let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. TMNT (WB) - $25.45, 3110 screens, week 1, $25.45 total

2. 300 (WB) - $20.5, 3280 screens, week 2, $162.35 total

3. Shooter (Par) - $14.5, 2806 screens, week 1, $14.5 total

4. Wild Hogs (BV)- $14.36, 3401 screens, week 4, $123.8 total

5. The Last Mimzy (NL) - $10.2, 3017 screens, week 1, $10.2 total

6. Premonition (Sony) - $10.1, 2831 screens, week 2, $32.19 total

7. The Hills Have Eyes 2 (Fox Atomic) - $10.0, 2447 screens, week 1, $10.0 total

8. Reign Over Me (Sony)- $8.0, 1671 screens, week 1, $8.0 total

9. Pride (LGF) - $4.0, 1518 screens, week 1, $4.0 total

10. Dead Silence (Uni) - $3.468, 1806 screens, week 2, $13.2 total

Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that I have a hell of a lot more work to do today than normally. You see, I write from a template (you might have noticed) that I just mix and match numbers and titles. It's fairly straightforward, and it saves me about a half hour of work. But since we have 6 new releases, I may as well have just started from scratch. Stupid Hollywood, always ruining my templates. The thing is, with those three flicks all hovering around the $10 million mark ( Mimzy, Premonition, and Hills), and two (Shooter and Hogs) hovering around the $14.5 mark, I'm sure one studio (my money is going with Disney) will discover that they made more than the others, which means I have to do some MORE switching up of the template. Hollywood, man. Full of jerks that don't think about any templates but their own.

So, it's a little humiliating, but now Spartans were defeated by the Persian empire AND four teenaged mutant ninja turtles. In a comparatively weak opening, TMNT (I'll give them credit for the abbreviation, as it shortens the space, thus not creating too much chaos to aforementioned template) managed to knock off 300. This bodes well for... well, I'm not really sure. Hopefully they'll make a second one, and this time include Shredder. (I'm going off what I heard, I haven't seen it yet).

What else? I already mentioned the Shooter-Hogs situation. (I'm serious. Someone will claim more money on that when the actuals are released) Kudos to New Line on the Mimzy opening, though, as I had a feeling most people dismissed the movie from the pretty terrible title. I could mention the low performance for Hills Have Eyes 2, but that would just be kind of mean. I heard the film was atrocious, so if it can make $10 million based on the first one alone... well, I never had all that much faith to begin with. Reign Over Me and Pride didn't fare so well, despite being generally the best reviewed flicks. Funny how it works like that, huh? Kinda makes you think.

And in the "Because It's There" series: Dreamgirls took in $60,000 on 103 screens, bringing it's grand total to $103,010,000 in 15 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, a few less films attempt to mess with my template. I can't even tell you what they are right now. Will they succeed? Only time will tell.

Until next weekend....

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Lost Speak

So THAT'S how Locke got in the wheelchair. Not for nothing, but for making us wait 2 and a half years, that's a hell of a payoff. Gives me hope of what's to come. Discussion?

There's just no denying a classic in any form.

Almost makes me want to buy a Wii.

Almost. I at least want to hang at someone's apartment and play it a lot.

I got to see a sneak peak of 28 Weeks Later!

Danny Boyle's 28 Days Later is a unique film experience, one that I bought hook, line and sinker. From the opening scenes of a lone Cillian Murphy walking the deserted streets of London (some truly terrifying imagery) to the exciting conclusion at the estate house where man is just as evil and deadly as the rage infected "zombies", I found the whole thing to be a trip and a half. It also introduced the fast zombie to the film lexicon, even though it is a contradiction terms. (And there isn't a single use of "the zed word" in the entire film).

Word struck out a while back that a sequel was planned. It was to be called 28 Weeks Later. Danny Boyle would not be directing, and Alex Garland would not be scripting. Alarm bells went off in the hearts and minds of film geeks (or "fanboys") everywhere. What was to become of this small, dark little horror movie we've come to love? Is it just going to become another cog in a machine, like the Saw movies? Just another quick buck that totally sullies anything good about the original?

Well, my friends, I caught a glimpse of the film. The first 28 minutes or so. And I'm proud to report that my fears are placed firmly off to the far side. What could it be to possibly change my mind?

First and foremost, it does not feel like a sell out movie. From what I've seen, this is most definitely a continuation of the world presented in the original. Much like Romero's "Dead" films, there's a large world dealing with the situation at hand, with plenty of different stories to be told. 28 Weeks Later is expanding the scope of the original film, by showing the aftermath. (In case you couldn't get that from the title). Helping assauge my fears is Boyle's involvement. While it might not be calling the shots, he seems to have placed his faith in the extremely capable hands of director Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, a visually gifted Spanish director. If the remaining 90 or so minutes are as captivating as the first 28, then we're all in for a treat.

What I saw began small and intimate. A group of survivors are in a home that is boarded up, protecting them from the rage infected masses in the outside world. There are no survivalists to be found, just normal people trapped in a terrible situation. We have no idea how long these folk have been holed up here. All we know is that Robert Carlyle is among them, and that's usually a good sign for any movie.

The survivors are sitting down for dinner when they hear a boy outside yelling for help. This is naturally followed by an attack. And oh my, what an attack it is. It's frantic, and crazy and brutal, and the onslaught seems never ending. This scene alone had me hooked. I can't give away particulars, but some of the shots of a character running across an open field with more and more infected attackers (I can't in good faith say zombies) coming freaked me out as much as those abandoned London scenes.

From here, we are told the time line involved with the events of the infection, bringing us to the aforementioned title. It is now 28 weeks later, and London is beginning to rebuild itself, despite almost total ruin. An American military team is leading the brigade in this rehabilitation. (I feel this move will lend itself to some social satire, but as I love to keep mentioning I only caught the first 28 minutes, so I can neither confirm nor deny such satire will exist, this is merely speculation). We're introduced to a few of the key military officials, including the yummy Rose Byrne as we're also introduced to the plan for bringing back residents to the hopefully safe city environment. Two of the incoming residents are Robert Carlyle's children, who were on a trip overseas when the initial outbreak occurred. They all hope to rebuild their lives while London around also builds up.

After a nicely done emotional scene between the three of them, the footage ended. My peaceful frame of mind had been disturbed, as what was shown before my eyes piqued my curiosity and I wanted more. In those 28 minutes (oh wait... I get it now!) enough was shown to make me realize the film has a lot more on it's mind than robbing me of my hard earned money. It wants to tell another story of the world I entered into with the first one. Now I am more keen to let it.

I was told a few things about the scope of the film, and certain story items were addressed (including the origin of the infection, and what it actually does), but overall I don't want to spoil anymore. For you or myself. I can say with great joy that this has moved up the ranks on the summer must see list. (It could move to the top if they had fighting robots that shot webs, and seeing as how there are still two months left in post, that could happen. Knock on wood). While I have to wait and see how this one finishes up, I can say with confidence that it will be a time worth spending in a darkened theater full of strangers. It looks like the performances, story, and visual elements will all add up to a fun flick.

And who knows, maybe if a 28 Months Later is greenlit a few years down the line, I won't automatically dismiss it.

28 Weeks Later will open on May 11th at a theater near YOU! But if you want an early fix, there will be a graphic novel coming even sooner, with stories written by Steve Niles (30 Days of Night). Fun times.

Monday, March 19, 2007

The Pirates of The Caribbean 3 Trailer premieres tonight.

But who cares when you can watch it in RUSSIAN!!!!!



I wasn't that big of fan of the second one, but I really loved it whenever Bill Nighy came on the screen. And this trailer reveals an unbelievably cool shot involving him in a duel with Johnny Depp.

But it's that much cooler.... in Russian. I might actually seek out a Russian DVD, just to see the whole film.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

I am a DORK


So, last night I found myself in San Diego (or as Ron Burgundy likes to say, "A Whale's Vagina"), celebrating St. Patrick's Day. I learned a few valuable lessons yesterday. One is that I do NOT belong in a mosh pit anymore. Seriously. That time in my life has passed. (And the bastards broke my sunglasses. And I have inexplcable bruises).

But I also confirmed what a huge dork I am.

Allow me to set the scene: Holiday Inn Express in San Diego, I'm passed out on the bed. Becca comes into the room after a late night swim (bossomely achieved in Mission: Impossible
fashion), and turns on the television. I don't hear her come in, or turn on the TV. But I DO hear the music from Star Wars. Return of the Jedi, to be exact. The music plays while the fleet attacks the Death Star. The corpse that is my body suddenly stirs:

Me: I hear Star Wars.
Becca: Indeed. Now the true question is, which on...
Me: Jedi.
Becca: That's right.
Me: God, I am a DORK.

Then I pass out again. But I can recognize my original trilogy under ANY circumstances. Which kind of puts the brain cells responsible for remembering things like AP Biology, or US History, or my address, on the wayside. Most likely destroyed after the amount put down last night.

Good times.

(Yes, I am aware this is from Empire. Bite me)

Box Office Report- day after St. Drinkin's Day

Dude here again, finally emerging from a St. Patrick's Day hangover/cocoon, because I need to get you the numbers. Man, my head hurts. And I have bruises I can't explain. But I still have my wallet. And most importantly, I still have my kidneys. Because that's my number 2 fear: waking up in a bathtub full of ice with the words "Call 911" written in lipstick on the mirror. (Fear number 1? Snakes on my plane).

This weekend, the only movie that matters to anyone continued its dominance, despite an onslaught of newcomers. This bodes well for my theory of "Let's keep a Zach Snyder movie in theaters as long as possible". Someday, it will happen. Mark my words. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. 300 (WB) - $31.185, 3270 screens, week 2, $127.473 total

2. Wild Hogs (BV)- $18.2, 3360 screens, week 3, $103.993 total

3. Premonition (Sony) - $18.9, 2831 screens, week 1, $18.0 total

4. Dead Silence (Uni) - $7.77, 1805 screens, week 1, $7.77 total

5. I Think I Love My Wife (FoxS) - $5.7, 1776 screens, week 1, $5.7 total

6. Bridge to Terabithia (BV) - $5.1, 3091 screens, week 5, $74.9 total

7. Ghost Rider (Sony) - $4.0, 2824 screens, week 5, $110.2 total

8. Zodiac (Par)- $3.07, 2362 screens, week 3, $28.9 total

9. Norbit (DW) - $2.7, 2016 screens, week 6, $92.39 total

10. Music and Lyrics (WB) - $2.2, 1850 screens, week 5, $47.377 total

Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that 300 once again reigns supreme over all. Even Sandra Bullock, who couldn't even surpass the WIld Hogs take for the week. (Interesting to note that this week, both 300 and Hogs broke the $100 million mark. 3 flicks reaching that by March (with Norbit close by to make it #4) is quite a feat, and if I were a Hollywood bigshot, I'd be proud. Then I'd snort some low grade heroin off a hooker's rump, to follow that by lighting a Cuban cigar with a hundred dollar bill. Ahhhh, the good life.

So Premonition took in a decent amount for the weekend, (It's possible that Sony will find some more money and make it the #2 of the week), but Dead Silence and I Think I Love My Wife didn't fare so well. Dead Silence should have courted a bigger fan base, with the Saw guys' pedigree involved, but it was foolish to open it this close to 300. And I Think I Love My Wife got the best reviews of the week, but still could barely make anything.
It's a shame, for I hear this is a good film, and not nearly as stupid as most people have presumed it to be.

In other news, Bridge to Teribethia is doing quite well from week to week, barely dropping in the percentage from the previous week. Way to keep it out in theaters. Well done.

And in the "Because It's There" series: Pan's Labyrinth took in $424,000 on 376 screens, bringing it's grand total to $36,177,000 in 12 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, we get a bunch more movies vying for the coveted #1 spot, and the glory of saying "We beat 300!". My money would be on the mutant ninja turtles, but with R-rated glory being the buzz these days, it's possible that Mark Wahlberg's Shooter will take it. Or, perhaps the gods will smile upon 300 for another week. Only time will tell.

Until next weekend....






Sunday, March 11, 2007

Ripped From The Headlines

This was on the IMDB news section:

"Some 16 cities around the country named Springfield are vying to host the premiere of the movie version of The Simpsons in July. Azell Murphy Cavaan, community relations director for Springfield, MA, told that city's The Republican newspaper, that the city was "really excited and ready" to participate. "There's so much heavy news that we deal with every day; a chance to have some fun is what we need," Cavaan said. But while Springfield may be ready to welcome the Simpsons, a city named Bloomfield has no intention of welcoming the Sopranos. The New Jersey town denied a filming permit to the mob drama's producers who had wanted to shoot a scene at an old-fashioned ice cream parlor. The mayor and members of the city council say they object to the way Italian-Americans are depicted in the TV series."

There are a couple of things about this item that disturb the peaceful frame of mind I was in. Let's begin with the segue. There is no logical connection between these two separate events aside from the word "field". And maybe if you take into consideration both shows air on Sunday nights. But in no realm whatsoever should these two stories be reported together. this is shenanigans. Everybody get a broom.

Now lets get down to the crux of the matter: Bloomfield mayor and members of the city council object to the way Italian-Americans are portrayed on the show. This is a town that practically shuts down when the Sopranos airs. At the pizzeria I used to deliver for, the owner Tony would close the store to watch it. He had a bunch of pictures of Tony Soprano on the wall, alongside the little league team the pizzeria sponsored. He's as stereotypical an Italian-American as you'll ever meet in your life. And most everybody else in that town worships at the feet of Gandolfini. Am I painting the picture vivid enough?

So what the hell is going on here?

Box Office Report 3-11-07: Balance and Peace. (And Violence)

Dude here again, and finally I am happy. Why am I happy? Because for all my whining and about a lack of balance in the world, especially with regard to the weekend box office numbers, it came back three-fold. Finally, a movie deserving of the obscene amounts of money it makes.

This weekend, we had one movie in wide release. Why only one? Because the others were afraid. And they have every right to be. For this weekend, we dine in hell! Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. 300 (WB) - $70.0, 3103 screens, week 1, $70.0 total

2. Wild Hogs (BV)- $28.0, 3296 screens, week 2, $77.4 total

3. Bridge to Terabithia (BV) - $6.865, 3210 screens, week 4, $67.0 total

4. Ghost Rider (Sony) - $6.8, 3347 screens, week 4, $104.1 total

5. Zodiac (Par)- $6.77, 2379 screens, week 2, $23.7 total

6. The Number 23 (NL) - $4.33, 2489 screens, week 3, $30.48 total

7. Norbit (DW) - $4.3, 2505 screens, week 5, $88.3 total

8. Music and Lyrics (WB) - $3.8, 2280 screens, week 4, $43.8 total

9. Breach (Uni) - $2.6, 1505 screens, week 4, $29.1 total

10. Amazing Grace (IDP) - $2.5, 1000 screens, week 3, $11.4 total

Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means 300 kicked even more arse than I had previously imagined. TO be perfectly honest, I think the numbers blew everyone's mind. At least those involved with the production. Most predictions were being kind when they initially estimated this, putting it in the high 20s, maybe even mid 30s. It should be noted that on it's first day of release, 300 took in nearly $28 million. Not bad. With no competition, this movie destroyed. It also now claims the biggest March opening of all time, squeaking by last year's Ice Age 2. (However, if the estimate is higher, and the cume is less than the Ice Age 2 opening weekend, I'm sure man will claim it as the biggest non sequel March opening of all time. People like their titles and records).

The success of 300 has led me to believe a couple of things. Firstly, I believe that every movie theater should be required to have a screen that solely plays Zach Snyder movies. This way, a theater can never say "We're not showing anything good." Because they will always have a good movie playing. The second repercussion should be that we're forced to speak like Gerard Butler's character at work. All week. At least, that's what I'm gonna do. Because I'm awesome like that.

Wild Hogs continued with a strong second week, dropping only 29% from last week. This one should be around for awhile making money behind our backs without even realizing it, until one day when you're in line for Spider-man 3 and you look at the box office marquee and realize, "Wow, Wild Hogs is STILL playing? People must like John Travolta in leather."

In other news, Ghost Rider officially became the first 2007 release to break $100 million dollars. Yay!

And in the "Because It's There" series: The Korean monster movie/domestic drama The Host took in $320,000 on 71 screens, bringing it's grand total to $320,000 in 1 week.

There you have my break down. Next week, we see if 300 can continue it's momentum, which it rightly should. But we have a bunch of new movies trying to unseat the mighty Spartan warriors. I smell blood.

Until next weekend....

Saturday, March 10, 2007

A funny story of spam

Normally, I find it futile to pontificate (read: bitch and moan) about most internet related items. I accept them as an inevitability, and find that if I don't even bother expending energy on them, they'll just go away. Besides, that negative energy can go towards hating obnoxious drivers who shoot down the exit only lanes only to cut in front of you, people who try to convince you that "The Secret" is awesome, and Rachel Ray.

(I mean, really, you can't just go and create a word like "Stoup" that covers the grey line between soup and stew. C'mon, lady! Who are you trying to fool? It's not like you took two words and made them bossome! You're describing a culinary miscarriage, where you're really too damn proud to admit you made the stew too thin.)

It's ok, I just took the meds.

So, normally I check my email a good sixteen, seventeen times a day. And I get a lot of spam because of my prediliction towards porn sites when I was much younger. (No such thing as free porn, I tell you.*). Yahoo is kind enough to provide my age old account with a "Bulk Mail" folder, that most spam mail goes to, but sometimes, a few slip through the cracks and I get to see who's trying to sell me on great investment deals or trying to milk me out of my paypal account. (which is non-existent, but sometimes I have to remind myself about that).

Sometimes I read them, especially the ones where the deposed prince needs MY help to bring funds into the country. I wonder how many people have actually fallen for that. Then I think about those hapless thieves who have to sift through the hundreds of responses from idiots who don't even have $20 in their bank account. I guess the world really is about balance.

Yesterday, I received a very interesting spam mail. It's not so much the content of the message (although that adds an extra added level of wackiness juice to the proceedings). It was who it was from. It said it was from one Allison Engle. Fully aware that about half the readership of this site will find it humorous instantly (which is sad because that number is 4), I shall enllighten.

Allison Engel was a girl I went to grade through high school with. I actually had quite a large crush on the girl that I never made public, pretty much to anyone until much later in life. (Even she doesn't know). I was all set to ask her to junior prom when Jessica Rice snapped me up first with an offer I couldn't refuse. (Seriously, people, we saw Die Hard after prom. Try and tell me your prom was better). Later in life I saw her run out of my local pub back in Montclair one night, but thought chasing after her was kinda creepy. I tried to see Allison at the high school reunion back in October, but she was in Arizona. (Although, in a weird, Celestine Prophecy-esque coincidence, I saw my friend Bill "Balls" Bradley back home, and his lady friend was really good friends with Allison.)

Wait a minute, is Arizona closer to LA than New Jersey? Hmmm......

So, when my eyes spy a message from Allison Engle, I got a little excited. It was only after I realized the headline "Bigger then Its better parlay aid" wasn't exactly friendly that crushing disappointment would rear it's ugly and all-too-familiar head. Humiliation soon set in, as I discovered that my high school crush Allison was trying to sell me on Male enhancement aids.

It's oddly fitting that a girl I once had a crush on would be sending me email about my lack of manhood. Especially in these trying times. It just lends more credence to my ongoing theory that even my dreams are turning against me. Which would be frightening and all the more tragic if it wasn't so damn funny.

So, thank you Allison, for reminding me that I am not a man at all. I sigh in your direction.

(But if you should read this, feel free to give me a call, I really have no problem whatsoever in that department. It's the TALKING to girls part I have the problem with).


*Ok, there is such a thing as free porn. Want proof? On my deliveries throughout LA, I managed to get myself to deliver to Playboy Entertainment. It doesn't sound nearly as cool as one would think, but this time around, upon delivering to the reasonably cute receptionist, she asks me if I want a magazine. I say sure. So, I did, in fact, receive free porn. Of course, her handing me a magazine of naked women was not the greatest segue into me asking the girl if I cuold use the bathroom, but as we all well know, my awkwardness knows no bounds.)

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

I'm not the only one.

John August, celebrated screenwriter of "Go", "Charlie's Angels", "Big Fish", and assorted other films is a smart man. A good man. And above all, a man who agrees with me.


Sunday, March 04, 2007

Box Office Report 3-4-07: My disappointment continues...

Dude here again, with an abbreviated look at the box office numbers this weekend. Partially because I'm far away from my home in sunny LA (freezing body parts off in Aspen, CO at the US Comedy Festival), and partially because it's yet another week where the taste of the audience disappoints me.

This weekend, we had three wide releases, one of which made an obscene amount of money. Again, it's a little TOO much money for a movie like this. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Wild Hogs (BV)- $38.0, 3287 screens, week 1, $38.0 total

2. Zodiac (Par)- $13.1, 2362 screens, week 1, $13.1 total

3. Ghost Rider (Sony) - $11.5, 3608 screens, week 3, $94.757 total

4. Bridge to Terabithia (BV) - $8.587, 3159 screens, week 3, $57.889 total

5. The Number 23 (NL) - $7.05, 2759 screens, week 2, $24.68 total

6. Norbit (DW) - $6.4, 2827 screens, week 4, $82.95 total

7. Music and Lyrics (WB) - $4.895, 2644 screens, week 3, $38.68 total

8. Black Snake Moan (ParV) - $4.0, 1252 screens, week 1, $4.0 total

9. Reno 911!: Miami (Fox) - $3.75, 2702 screens, week 2, $16.4 total

10. Breach (Uni) - $3.48, 1498 screens, week 3, $25.4 total

Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that if I make a movie about a motorcycle, people will come. Following two weeks of Ghost Rider, the people spoke and decided that want not one, but FOUR guys on motorcycles, none of whom are dead or working for the devil. (though many a joke could be made about the actor's careers, but that would be pointless given the $38 million take). Wild Hogs is your number one movie. I hope you're proud of yourself.

David Fincher's Zodiac opened, but not a lot of people have seen it. Despite receiving some great reviews, audiences didn't feel they needed to see this movie as much as the desire to see men on motorcycles. Same goes for Sam Jackson's second movie in a row to include the word "Snake" in the title, though this one seems to be of a far higher quality. (Even if you can't beat a snake on a plane. See that? I STILL manage to bring the movie up whenever possible).

And sadly, The Number 23 made more than $23 million dollars, ruining any and all hope for a freaky "coincidence" involving said number, that I am very sick of.

And in the "Because It's There" series: Best Foreign Language Film winner The Lives of Others took in $808,000 on 112 screens, bringing it's grand total to $2,347,000 in 4 weeks.

(It should be noted that Lives of Others, Happy Feet, and The Last King of Scotland were the only Oscar winning films that received significant boosts due to the winning of awards.)

There you have my break down. Next week, prepare to have your junk kicked hard core with the release of 300. Spartans, eat hearty. For tonight, we dine in hell!

Until next weekend....

Saturday, March 03, 2007

A new Mutant Ninja Turtle movie?

I've been catching some of these ads for the new CGI Mutant Ninja Turtle movie. It seems thta Shredder is not involved, though, which is confounding. On top of which, I was remembering how pretty damn terrific the animatronic Mutant Ninja Turtle outfits were in the early 90s. It's tough to beat the Jim Henson company. Those were terrific.



Man, I'm getting old.


Oh, on a completely unrelated note, last week's Lost, with Hurly as the focus, was outstanding. Definitely felt old school, like first season. And the dynamics between Hurly, Charlie, Jin and Sawyer was great. I couldn't stop laughing, much to the chagrin of those around me.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Someplace warm... where the beer flows like wine

I'm in Aspen, Colorado at the US Comedy Festival!

Sadly, my comedic hijinks and shenanigans are limited to passing out hot chocolate to random people. (Including "Chloe" from 24, which is kinda neat, along with Last Comic Standing winner Josh Blue).

I have a lot of funny stories that I shall compile when the time comes, but I will say this: I fuckin hate snow.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Box Office Report: 2-25-07

Dude here again, coming at you with an exciting set of numbers on this lovely Oscar weekend. Out here in kinda cloudy California, you'd think God was coming to town, this place is a madhouse. Traffic is nonsense, and people are dressing up in shiny outfits. I'm going to a party tonight that's going to be far more ornate than any Super Bowl party I've attended. People love these Oscars. Except me, because they caused me a lot of hassle on Friday, when all I was trying to do was work, and deliver something to the building with the pretty girl I don't have the cajones to ask out. Stupid Oscars.

This weekend, I can tell you with great authority that the top films this week will NOT receive any Oscars tonight, mainly because they came out this year, but also because they're not very good. (Not that THAT seems to matter to Academy members, given the lack of recognition for Children of Men). But I digress. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Ghost Rider (Sony) - $19.7, 3620 screens, week 2, $78.66 total

2. The Number 23 (NL) - $15.1, 2759 screens, week 1, $15.1 total

3. Bridge to Terabithia (BV) - $13.57, 3139 screens, week 2, $46.2 total

4. Reno 911!: Miami (Fox) - $10.4, 2702 screens, week 1, $10.4 total

5. Norbit (DW) - $9.7, 3145 screens, week 3, $74.67 total

6. Music and Lyrics (WB) - $8.0, 2955 screens, week 2, $32.06 total

7. Breach (Uni) - $6.159, 1493 screens, week 2, $20.468 total

8. Tyler Perry's Daddy's Little Girls (LG)- $5.25, 2111 screens, week 2, $25.567 total

9. The Astronaut Farmer (WB)- $4.5, 2155 screens, week 1, $4.5 total

10. Amazing Grace (IDP) - $4.3, 791 screens, week 1, $4.3 total

Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that you just can't stop the Ghost Rider. Sure, you can slow him down (to the tune of almost 57% less than last week), but he's still the Duke, A number 1.

The news of Ghost Rider taking the top spot with $19 million and change is bad news for New Line, where I envision every executive would have gotten something shiny had The Number 23 opened with $23 million. It did not achieve this feat (although, if it tanks horribly in the next week, it still could just gross that much), but came in second. Respectable, but I'm sure this means that people are going to insist Jim Carrey stick with comedies (which he shouldn't) and that Joel Schumacher should stop making movies. (I'm indifferent on this, mainly because I feel that the screenwriter of Batman and Robin is to blame, and he should have his Oscar taken away from him on general principle).

Reno 911: Miami took in a respectable amount, but will not be a huge shock to the industry, thus sparing me the torture that would have been "Mind of Mencia: The Movie". Still, I like the Reno guys, and I wish the movie well in the following weeks, in the hopes it gets repeat viewers. (Despite the fact that this movie has cult classic written all over it).

The Astronaut Farmer took in a small amount, but it was the best reviewed flick of the week, so if quality and money have an inverse proportion, then I guess anyone could have seen this coming from a mile away. (Much like the ending of the film, which is given away in the trailers). And Amazing Grace took the tenth spot. What is Amazing Grace? It's a British film, I think. It's got the guy who played Mr. Fantastic Reed Richards. (You try spelling his name), and it's a landmark case in Britain, or something. I don't know, but it took in an impressive amount of money for something I had no idea existed. So, there's surprises for us all, huh?

Wow, I learned something today!

And in the "Because It's There" series: Children of Men took in $217,000 on 154 screens, bringing it's grand total to $34,924,000 in 9 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, we get Zodiac, which looks pretty cool considering it's Fincher, and he's a solid fellow. But more importantly, we are that much closer to the release of 300, which will OWN ALL. I have spoken.

Until next weekend....

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Box Office Report: 2-18-07

Dude here again. After recovering from the disturbing shock of last week's Norbit #1 (and the subsequent dollars it made while I sit here clipping coupons and counting pennies) , I am finally prepared to bring you some more numbers of many new releases. And I do it a day early, too, given that it's a three day weekend.

This weekend, though, the news isn't that much greater. We also had five movies open in wide release, covering a wide variety of genres and audiences. And yet, Ghost Rider still took in an obscene amount of money. Even more than Norbit did last week. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday, then Tuesday with the 4-day totals for aforementioned holiday weekend. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Ghost Rider (Sony) - $44.5, 3619 screens, week 1, $44.5 total

2. Bridge to Terabithia (BV) - $22.075, 3139 screens, week 1, $22.075 total

3. Norbit (DW) - $16.8, 3138 screens, week 2, $58.88 total

4. Music and Lyrics (WB) - $14.0, 2955 screens, week 1, $19.5 total (Wed opening)

5. Tyler Perry's Daddy's Little Girls (LG)- $12.1, 2111 screens, week 1, $17.79 total (Wed opening)

6. Breach (Uni) - $10.37, 1489 screens, week 1, $10.37 total

7. Hannibal Rising (MGM) - $5.465, 3003 screens, week 2, $22.1 total

8. Because I Said So (Uni) - $4.99, 2446 screens, week 3, $33.2 total

9. The Messengers (ScrGems)- $3.8, 2183 screens, week 3, $30.5 total

10. Night At The Museum (Fox) - $3.7, 2042 screens, week 9, $237.333 total

Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that no matter how bad a film looks in the trailers, people will pay exorbitant amounts of money to see the crap. Seriously. Last week Norbit, this week Ghost Rider takes in $44 million?!?! While I'm happy that a comic book movie featuring a character not THAT familiar with most people took in money (as it will definitely allow future obscure characters to come to the big screen), this movie looks just plain bad. I blame the marketing once again. But anyway, I'd expect a very large drop off next week for this one.

Bridge to Terabithia took in an impressive $22 million this weekend in a nice bit of counter-programming. I expect this will tie into a lot of school vacations, and parents will take children to see it because it's based on a book most of the parents read a long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away), as I once did. Haven't seen the movie yet, but I have heard that the film is not what it's being marketed as, and it has a lot more heart, and deals with a lot of serious issues that the fantasy-laden ads would never lead you to believe. It sounds like a PG Pan's Labyrinth, when I put it like that.

Tyler Perry's Daddy's Little Girls and Music and Lyrics both opened on Wednesday to get a head start on the weekend (and in Music's case, to provide a cute date movie for Valentines all over.. stupid holiday) and managed to pull in some decent numbers. However, I think the audience for Tyler Perry movies only come out in droves when his Madea character is involved, which film does not seem to have, given that this film took in significantly less than previous Perry outings.. But it does have Lou Gossett Jr, and he's just solid all around.
Oh, and Music and Lyrics is actually quite decent for a romantic comedy, and worth it for Hugh Grant alone.

And now we come to Breach, a film I was supposed to see last week but got stuck in lots of traffic, and then a slight run-in with Johnny Law prevented me from doing so. (Oh, and this is how I'm informing the staff why they haven't gotten my review for it yet. Been a helluva week, guys, sorry.) The spy thriller took in $10 million, which is pretty good for a spy thriller, and it's even more impressive that it wasn't thinned from the herd with the other releases this week.

And in the "Because It's There" series: The Departed took in $350,000 on 320 screens, bringing it's grand total to $131,441,000 in 20 weeks. (What makes this more impressive is that the film was released on DVD this week, and it STILL took in this much).

There you have my break down. Next week, we get an unfunny Jim Carrey, who will hopefully provide me with a series of "23" jokes depending on how much money it pulls in (I'm hoping for $23 million, or $2.3, or $230 million, or something just shy of either number). And we also get a bunch of funny fake cops, uncensored, which should be a fun time, even if the movie is just a variation on Police Academy 5 (my personal favorite of the bunch).

Until next weekend....

Friday, February 16, 2007

Appy Polly Logies



I did a dick move the other day. By which I mean I acted in a rude, selfish manner to a friend. Not that I managed to make my wang jiggle. (It does that on it's own).

Here's the situation: A long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away...) I borrowed my friend Rob's copy of "Story", the screenwriting tome carried by many professionals and amateurs alike in this town. It was also prominently featured in the motion picture Adaptation, where the wonderful Brian Cox portrayed the real life author Robert McKee. (Cox would a few months later surprise us all, and kick a fair amount of ass in X2: X-Men United. There's no point in mentioning that aside from pointing out how much ass X2 kicks. Seriously).


Where was I? Oh yeah, so Rob lends me his copy of the book, and then he moves back to New York. I naturally never gave him the book back. I began reading it, when Rob began calling me to ask for it back. Because I'm a lazy man, this takes me a supremely long time. Because I am a poor man, I send it the cheapest, slowest way possible, when I finally DID get around to sending it.

Now, here's the thing, Rob and I have a long tradition of inscribing messages to one another in books, you know, for the ages. And his copy of Story was to be no exception to this rule. However, I decided to write it in the voice of Robert McKee, letting Rob know that he is a no-talent hack and will never make it anywhere in this business. It was pretty funny, if I remember it correctly. (I wrote it awhile ago, and then the mail did take an awfully long time).

To properly ensnare Rob, and thus the prank, I was planning on an elaborate set-up telling him how I attended one of McKee's screenwriting seminars and had managed to get him to sign the book. It was a reasonable set-up, and the payoff, while not immaculate on the level of one being "punk'd", was still fairly humorous.

What I didn't count on, was how touched by this gesture Rob would be. That I would actually get his copy signed for him and then send it is foreign, and he found that to be noble and cool. I sensed actual human emotion in his voice, so different from the robotic monotone he often affects. So now, Rob is looking forward to a signed copy of Story. But alas, it was signed by me. Being a dick. A funny dick, but still.

Naturally, I waited until after he's received the book (because it's still pretty funny) to apologize. And even that I'm only doing on my blog. With pictures of Wolverine.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

A Classic To Start Your Weekend...

This is brilliance. And in honor of Reno 911 Miami coming out next week, it's fun to see where the guys began.



Something funny to note: It's quite possible the line "Barry... Sagittarius", was directly (if subconsciously) responsible for my all time great (horrible) pick-up line "Ladies, I'm Mike, Single, Sagittarius... awwwwwwwww yeah!" Fun things to think about.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day

It wasn't the worst one (that was 2 years ago), and it wasn't the best one (which is a tie between last year and the BOSSOME year that Holmes and I went to MONSTER TRUCK JAM!!). There was nothing of note worth reporting about. I did laundry. (And some jerk moved my clothes out of the washer after like, a minute. Then he left his shit in there all through the time I used the dryer. What a jerk.)

But what is of note is that for the past few years in Jersey on Valentine's day, I would always hang out with Becca. Usually go see the cheesy romantic movie that was coming out (especially if it starred Drew Barrymore). Last year, I had a special lady friend, but this year I'm out here on my own. And I don't even get to go the movies with Becca, and this year there's a cheesy romantic comedy with Drew Barrymore AND Hugh Grant. (I like Grant. You like Grant? You don't like Grant? What're you a xenophobe? Go fuck yourself).

So since I didn't get to see it, I present this.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Stuff I'm Digging Lately

As always, the best part of writing for my own web-based journal is pimping out all the fun stuff I seem to be enjoying at the moment. And because I can, I share it with you, my unsuspecting public. Please feel free to discuss, but more so, feel free to enjoy these things, and talk to me about them. Share your opinion. Get a discussion going.

Unless you disagree with me, in which case you should always know that you are wrong, and I am always right.

The Shins - Wincing The Night Away
The new album kicks a fair amount of ass, retaining the lyrics and harmonies that make the Shins so appealing while exapnding on their sound scape. It takes a few go-rounds to truly get into it. Because I'm crazy, I listened to it four times in a row. Personally, while I'm a little played to death with Phantom Limb (although, it is pretty cool to hear the Shins on the radio), I think the best songs are Phantom Limb, Red Rabbits (which has a nice "Young Pilgrims" feel to it, as well as a possible Star Wars reference), and Sealegs.

Other Music: The soundtracks to Me, You and Everyone We Know, and The Descent, Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins, and this Aphex Twin ambient stuff that's pretty darn good.

The Knights of Prosperity
I love this show. Every week, it continues to get better and better. Which means that it will probably be cancelled very soon. But it shouldn't matter. You should try and catch it while you still can. The writing is sharp as hell and quite hilarious to boot ("My baby's so white, she's like a nurse's uniform), and the cast is top notch. Just check out this little video of the theme song.


Each episode lays out one more section of the plan that the knights usually have to overcome. It's like a low rent Ocean's 11.

Along these TV lines, I'd like to point out the bossomeness of Heroes, as well as the NBC Thursday night comedy line-up. Heroes is fast becoming a favorite (even if last week's episode was a little weak), as it has fun with it's premise, and it respects it's continuity without alienating itself from viewers. Plus, it's a lot of fun. Not the best written show, but a lot of fun. I'm hoping for two things from Heroes: a Whedon written/directed episode, and a "stand alone" episode, like in comics, where they focus on just one person, who's not necessary to the whole thing. I would enjoy an episode about a Hero with a useless power. Like the ability to grow a beard really fast, or a hero who can generate heat from his hands, but only enough to really make a grilled cheese sandwich. And the Earl-Office-Scrubs-30 Rock combo is Solid. The episode of 30 Rock with Paul Ruebens was fantastic. I should also point out that in this past week's Office, the opening where Jim has Pavlovian trained Dwight to take an Altoid whenever he heard the start-up noise of the computer, yeah I laughed for about five minutes straight on that one.

Other TV of note: Lost (yeah, last episode was pretty good, and it looks like it will be good again), and MythBusters. Of note mainly for one reason: Kari Byron. Yummy.


In DVD, I'm really enjoying Idiocracy and The Science of Sleep. I never did a proper review of either (although I did write up something on Idiocracy for Home Theater Magazine, but I can't reproduce that here), and the only reasoning I can think of behind that is I'm lazy. Idiocracy is not a great film, but it's funny as hell, and even more than that, I fear that it's an accurate prediction of where we as a species are headed. And Science of Sleep is just gorgeous, but it breaks my heart to watch it. It really does.

And if you're looking for a good old fashioned Van Damme-esque craptastic flick, check out The Marine. It's not a good movie, by any means, but it just tries to kick a little ass. And it succeeds. Entertaining, and sometimes that's all you need.


Oh, I almost forgot to mention this: THE DESCENT KICKS AN UNHOLY AMOUNT OF ASS!
Easily one of the most frightening films I have ever seen. Highly entertaining. This is a movie where the hype is justified as well as deserved. It's good, solid horror filmmaking. The best part is, it goes on for about an hour on pure suspense, then the gore comes into play. Well worth checking out. So good, I might have to add it to my top films of the year, at about the same spot as Hard Candy.

In theaters: Children of Men. It holds up better with multiple viewings. Its lack of most award recognition is criminal, but hopefully enough Academy members will have had a chance to check it out and reward it for what they can. The last sequence is so amazing, and it gets me every time. And besides, it has the sure sign that a film is good: Chiwetel Ejiofor.


On this Oscar-type tirade, I'll tell you who else I want to win Academy Awards: Mark Wahlberg for The Departed and Thomas Newman for The Good German. Wahlberg rose to the top and stole the show, so much so that when you start to realize that he might not be coming back into the story, you miss his presence. His is truly a supporting performance, and he does a damn fine job with it. (I will accept an Jackie Earl Haley win over Wahlberg, but that won't happen). And Thomas Newman, even though I haven;t heard his score for this film, is one of my favorites, and deserves it. He deserves it for his Little Children score this year (and for the American Beauty and Shawshank Redemption and Green Mile and Finding Nemo, and the list goes on). It's his 8th, and I feel like he won;t win, but it would be nice.


I'm currently reading Chuck Klosterman IV, which is a lovely collection of articles the man has written for various publications (if the moviemaking career never panned out, I would love to follow in Chuck's footsteps, but I fear I would always be viewed as a pale imitation of the man, when really I've been writing like him all along). He has great views, and a good enough sense of humor to keep things lively and interesting, even if at times it feels like he's that friend who really DOES know all about music, but never shuts up about it, and it gets kind of annoying after awhile.

I also read this book about M Night Shyamalan, about the making of Lady In The Water. It's a damn fine read, but it doesn't really forgive Night for making a crappy movie. It just sort of gives a weird kinnd of "shrugging off" of the film as to why it's so weak. But it's worth checking out. I'm also getting on with World War Z!

And despite the fact that we have quite a selection of games for the Xbox 360, I can't stop playing Burnout: Revenge. It's an amazing game. Too much fun.


That's stuff I'm digging lately.

Oh, and I'm really digging this picture of Chow Yun Fat from the third Pirates movie.


And just in case you're wondering as to the opposite end of the spectrum, stuff I'm not digging lately: Fuckin' Jerks who do stupid things all the time to you without realizing it, and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Those are things that suck. I tried to give them fair chances, but alas, I can't do it anymore. I'm done.

Box Office Report: 2-11-07

Dude here again. I... I just don't have it in me today. Not knowing what I have to report.

This weekend... well, let's just go to the numbers and see for ourselves, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. Norbit (DW) - $33.7, 3136 screens, week 1, $33.7 total

2. Hannibal Rising (MGM) - $13.35, 3003 screens, week 1, $13.35 total

3. Because I Said So (Uni) - $9.0, 2529 screens, week 2, $9.0 total

4. The Messengers (ScrGems)- $7.2, 2529 screens, week 2, $7.2 total

5. Night At The Museum (Fox) - $5.75, 2702 screens, week 8, $232.1 total

6. Epic Movie (Fox) - $4.45, 2806 screens, week 3, $35.47 total

7. Smokin Aces (Uni) - $3.79, 2199 screens, week 3, $30.85 total

8. Pan's Labyrinth (PicHse) - $3.5, 1143 screens, week 7, $26.59 total

9. Dreamgirls (Par/DW)- $3.09, 2284 screens, week 9, $97.1 total

10. The Queen (Mir) - $2.5, 1564 screens, week 20, $49.0 total

Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that a lot of people saw Norbit. $33 million dollars worth of people. While I shouldn't be surprised, I'm still allowed to show my dismay. Disappointment, really. I mean, seriously. Norbit? $33 MILLION DOLLARS!?!? And those who opted for Hannibal Rising enough to give that movie $13 million dollars?!?!? And Night at the Museum is still in 5th place, and has taken in $232 million dollars in 8 weeks! What the hell is going on here? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!!

I can't go on anymore. I really can't. Shame on you. Shame on you all.

And in the "Because It's There" series: NORBIT took in $33,740,000 on 3136 screens, bringing it's grand total to $33,740,000 in 3 DAYS.

There you have my break down. Next week, we see if Norbit will continue it's reign on your money. If it does, well, I might just have to give up on this crazy movie business and teach kindergarten in Oregon. Maybe I can train them well, and prevent future generations from allowing Norbit 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Until next weekend, may whomever is at the end have mercy on our souls....

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Fuckin' A

I enjoyed "Shining". I thought "Brokeback to the Future" was pretty damn great. But all the other trailer mash-ups of late have been severely lacking. Trying to hard to make things work, or not even caring if they work at all. (I blame MySpace for making anyone with an editing program believe that they have the talent to pull this off. I also blame MySpace for global warming, car insurance hikes, and the recently announced news of Anna Nicole Smith's death. Fuckin MySpace. You just don't care who you hurt, do you?)

But this one is different. It helps that it's one of my favorite movies of all time. See for yourself.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Helping a friend out...

Hi all. All 6 of you who read this, even though it's only been box office reports because I'm too damn busy to see movies or write, well, do ANYTHING anymore. (I apologize for that, and I promise to have some new stuff up soon, including a new semi regular feature, maybe, if I have the time).

My friend Brian informed me of this:I just recently edited a short spec commercial for the Southwest Airlines “Wanna Get Away” Sweepstakes with a director-friend of mine out here in L.A. The winner has their spot become part of their national campaign. I’m asking if you could take the time to go to the following URL and vote for our spot.

I've seen it. I love it. I voted for it. All I ask is that you check it out for yourselves and vote according to your conscience. By which I mean you vote for my friend's entry, because you couldn't bear the guilt of betraying us all like that.

For your efforts, here's a picture of the terminator.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Box Office Report: 2-4-07

Dude here again. writing to you on this Superbowl Sunday. I'm sure the... team of one city is going to dominate the team of another city. But don't discount that other team, they could prove to be the underdogs we never expected. And if this were a movie, they would wait until the last minute to finally overcome the dominant team. Ok, truth is, I don't give a damn about any sporting event that doesn't involve the Mets. Seriously. My godson could have a little league game and I wouldn't care. Unless his team was called The Mets. Which I think his dad would approve of.

(I know his Dad would NEVER let his son be on a team called the Yankees, and if he did, well, it might be time to seriously re-evaluate our friendship).

This weekend, lower numbers prevailed, as only two new movies opened up, and too many people are caring about the Stanley Cup tonight. In a surprise to anyone who has never read one of my columns, a horror movie took the top spot. Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be available on Monday. Just to prove me wrong).

1. The Messengers (ScrGems)- $14.5, 2528 screens, week 1, $14.5 total

2. Because I Said So (Uni) - $13.0, 2526 screens, week 1, $13.0 total

3. Epic Movie (Fox) - $8.2, 2840 screens, week 2, $29.369 total

4. Night At The Museum (Fox) - $6.75, 3003 screens, week 7, $225.365 total

5. Smokin Aces (Uni) - $6.3, 2219 screens, week 2, $24.955 total

6. Stomp The Yard (Scr Gems) - $4.2, 2169 screens, week 4, $56.0 total

7. Dreamgirls (Par/DW)- $4.0, 2797 screens, week 8, $92.795 total

8. Pan's Labyrinth (PicHse) - $3.66, 1082 screens, week 6, $21.696 total

9. The Pursuit of Happyness (Sony) - $3.1, 2233 screens, week 8, $157.35 total

10. The Queen (Mir) - $2.7, 1850 screens, week 19, $45.5 total

Ok, those are the numbers, but what do they mean? Well, it means that nobody really cared about going to the movies this weekend, opting to spend time with their friends and enjoy the soccer match. The Messengers, another of the PG-13 Ghost House flicks that Sam Raimi produces, once again made some coin, providing the low budget affair with enough coin to keep the cycle going for years to come. (That reminds me, I think Boogeyman 2 is coming out next year, featuring Tobin Bell from Saw).

(Off topic, the word "Boogeyman" is recognized by my spell-check program. What a strange word to include in that dictionary.)

Because I Said So, my award for dumbest title of the year, took in a surprising $13 million estimated. I'm sensing that a lot of analysts will attribute this to a largely female audience that doesn't care for the World Polo finals. (I have to keep the gag going, folks, deal with it). This number might actually increase if what I just wrote turns out to be true, but given the poor reviews, I don;t think there's much hope for this flick.

The Academy Awards... blah blah blah... Dreamgirls... ramble ramble ramble...The Queen... etc... Pan will rule your world... Epic Movie and Night at the Museum...WHY!

And in the "Because It's There" series: Breaking and Entering took in $15,400 on 2 screens, bringing it's grand total to $47,600 in 8 weeks.

There you have my break down. Next week, we see if Eddie Murphy can single handedly ruin his Oscar chances with a movie that looks even more terrible than Epic Movie, if you can believe that

Until next weekend....

Saturday, February 03, 2007

I love this British Shit

This is worth noting because of the sheer amount of UK comedic talent involved. It's several years old, and I believe it was for Britain's Comic Relief.

This is the first part.


This is the second.


I should have been a dick, and switched them, just to confuse you. But in the end, that didn't seem as funny as it was in my head.