I blame myself, really. I've been honestly excited for this film, and talking it up for almost two years now. Granted, the hype peaked awhile ago, and like pirates or Ozzy Osbourne or fantasy or anything that dorks like us have cherished and embraced for years only to watch pop culture come and snatch it away from us and appropriate it and make it dull and stupid, Snakes on a Plane was fast on that road.
But I never gave up hope. The film might in fact, suck balls, but I don't care. I know they're not gonna skimp when it comes to snakes. Or a plane. So, already, it's the movie you expect it to be. In my opinion, (as everything on this site is), the film will probably be on the level of Transporter 2. I loved Transporter 2. It's such a ridonkulous film. And it's not very good, but it was fun as hell. That's what Snakes must achieve for me. And I have a strong feeling it will.
Fact is, I haven't been this excited for a flick since the last Star Wars. And at least I don't have to go to court before Snakes, like I did for Star Wars. Again, my biggest regret is not being at the theater, where I could screen it for all of you. Provided you brought me apple juice.
And thus begins what so people may consider the beginning of the end. Fan based influenced films that will soon ruin filmmaking as we know it, except for the small core of us who loved what Snakes on a Plane originally intended: to have fun. Sam Jackson knows this movie won't change the world. But he did it out of love. And that, my friends, I respect a lot more than a film like All The King's Men or Cold Mountain, which seem to be made for Academy Awards. Give me the motherfuckin' snakes on the motherfuckin' plane any day of the week.
And with recently purchased ticket warm in my hand, I begin the 7 and a half hour wait to see... you know. The flick with the plane.
(Not to be confused with what Matos called "The one with the boat" referring to Titanic.)
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
What's up with everyone liking pirates now?
For the longest time, people didn't. And now, pirates are cool. Possibly due to Johnny Depp's involvement. Now all of us who liked pirates to begin with, are left out in the cold.
There's always vikings.
There's always vikings.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
There's Always Mini-Golf... but why?
Recently, I was asked as to why I call this blog "There's Always Mini-Golf", and I often respond cryptically, saying "Because there always is". But some of you might actually wonder WHY there's always mini-golf, and why I feel the need to name a blog after it. (And make it the signature on my non-work e-mail).
This takes us back to the dark times in the long long ago. (Give it up for Thunderdome). Resigned with accepting that I am a better projectionist than pretty much anything else in the world, I fancied myself a slacker philosopher, dispensing pearls of wisdom to the unsuspecting. What would make them more unsuspecting is the fact that I came up with most of my bon mots while high, which would explain the slacker part. (Well, support the slacker stuff, really. Who would listen to a slacker that ISN'T a pothead?)
I don't recall many of my brilliant philosophies due to poor penmanship and a mysterious condition that doesn't allow me to remember too many things. (Never could figure out why). But the one that stuck with me through the years, and with others if you can believe it, is "There's always mini-golf".
What does it mean? Well, life is pretty vast. Ebbs and flows are always ever present, and sometimes we tend to lose focus on things. Sometimes we get hung up over a girl, (If you're me, this is usually ALWAYS the case), a jackass at work, an obnoxious family member or members who take advantage of you and your kindness, etc. not to mention all that fun stuff going on in the middle east, political corruption, reality television, etc. All that stuff can be very taxing on the mind. And rightly so, don't feel I'm dismissing these events and people in life.
But for all the negativity, all the things that are holding you down and making your life a living hell, there's gotta be something good to hold on to. Something to look forward to. That's where mini-golf comes in. Because there's ALWAYS mini-golf.
Mind you, mini-golf is not mini-golf. It's that one thing in life, kind of like Jack Palance's belief system in his academy award winning turn as Curly in City Slickers. (Not his bullshit nihilistic tendencies as Duke in the far inferior City Slickers 2: The Legend Of Curly's Gold). There's the one thing in life that makes it worthwhile. It could be your kid, or going to the movies, or playing video games on your friend's couch after a long day of work, or that one day a month when you meet your friends for a drink and catch up. It can be anything, really. That one activity/person/element in your life that no matter how bad things get, that will always be there for you. And yes indeed, sometimes mini-golf can in fact mean mini-golf. (Or putt-putt for you down south folk).
So go out there and seek your own mini-golf. Lord knows that in these times, sometimes you just need that one thing in your life to be a stop to the swirling chaos around you and give you inner peace. Lame ass philosophy, I realize, but it's true and it works.
And for the record, mine used to be mini-golf. Especially when I realized I could play out here all year round. And despite the fact that the titlee of "Greatest First Date Ever" did indeed include a rousing game of mini golf (which I won, I'm no pushover just because I want to date this girl), there are now too many bad memories associated. now I must seek my own NEW mini-golf.
And this week, it's that midnight show of Snakes on a Plane.
This takes us back to the dark times in the long long ago. (Give it up for Thunderdome). Resigned with accepting that I am a better projectionist than pretty much anything else in the world, I fancied myself a slacker philosopher, dispensing pearls of wisdom to the unsuspecting. What would make them more unsuspecting is the fact that I came up with most of my bon mots while high, which would explain the slacker part. (Well, support the slacker stuff, really. Who would listen to a slacker that ISN'T a pothead?)
I don't recall many of my brilliant philosophies due to poor penmanship and a mysterious condition that doesn't allow me to remember too many things. (Never could figure out why). But the one that stuck with me through the years, and with others if you can believe it, is "There's always mini-golf".
What does it mean? Well, life is pretty vast. Ebbs and flows are always ever present, and sometimes we tend to lose focus on things. Sometimes we get hung up over a girl, (If you're me, this is usually ALWAYS the case), a jackass at work, an obnoxious family member or members who take advantage of you and your kindness, etc. not to mention all that fun stuff going on in the middle east, political corruption, reality television, etc. All that stuff can be very taxing on the mind. And rightly so, don't feel I'm dismissing these events and people in life.
But for all the negativity, all the things that are holding you down and making your life a living hell, there's gotta be something good to hold on to. Something to look forward to. That's where mini-golf comes in. Because there's ALWAYS mini-golf.
Mind you, mini-golf is not mini-golf. It's that one thing in life, kind of like Jack Palance's belief system in his academy award winning turn as Curly in City Slickers. (Not his bullshit nihilistic tendencies as Duke in the far inferior City Slickers 2: The Legend Of Curly's Gold). There's the one thing in life that makes it worthwhile. It could be your kid, or going to the movies, or playing video games on your friend's couch after a long day of work, or that one day a month when you meet your friends for a drink and catch up. It can be anything, really. That one activity/person/element in your life that no matter how bad things get, that will always be there for you. And yes indeed, sometimes mini-golf can in fact mean mini-golf. (Or putt-putt for you down south folk).
So go out there and seek your own mini-golf. Lord knows that in these times, sometimes you just need that one thing in your life to be a stop to the swirling chaos around you and give you inner peace. Lame ass philosophy, I realize, but it's true and it works.
And for the record, mine used to be mini-golf. Especially when I realized I could play out here all year round. And despite the fact that the titlee of "Greatest First Date Ever" did indeed include a rousing game of mini golf (which I won, I'm no pushover just because I want to date this girl), there are now too many bad memories associated. now I must seek my own NEW mini-golf.
And this week, it's that midnight show of Snakes on a Plane.
Monday, August 14, 2006
A ray of "Sunshine"
You like that header? I've been working on them to sound more and more lame, so that I can get a job replacing Joel Siegel.
Little Miss Sunshine is, in a word, fantastic. I loved this movie and everything about it. There is not one false note in the entire thing, and anytime the movie seems to be going for schmaltz or the sitcom route out, it doesn't take it. Granted, dysfunctional family "comedies" are a dime a dozen these days, but this one stands out for two major reasons: it doesn't take place at Thanksgiving, and it's actually funny.
It tells the tale of the Hoover clan, wannabe motivational speaker Richard (Greg Kinnear); trying to hold it together mom Sheryl (Toni Collette); horny, heroin addicted grandpa (Alan Arkin, always wonderful to see in a flick); teenage son Dwayne (Break through Paul Dano) who's not spoken a word to his family in literally almost a year; suicidal Proust scholar Frank (Steve Carrell); and child beauty pageant contestant Olive (Abigail Breslin, who is so utterly adorable it's almost sickening). The family is all together when word comes that the Little Miss Sunshine beauty pageant in Redondo Beach, CA has selected Olive as a semi-finalist. The clan grudgingly packs into the yellow VW bus, and hit the road from Arizona to California. Naturally, chaos ensues.
What separates this film is that it's funny in addition to being depressing as hell. This is not a healthy family. And even THEY are aware. But the family all seem to possess this gallows humor that feels ever so appropriate for the trials and tribulations they encounter on their journey. I won't spoil any of them, because half the fun of this movie is seeing what happens next. I will say that there's this very silly moment with a busted horn and a traffic officer. Actually, I should mention that the VW bus is it's own character, providing many moments that can only be fittingly described as "pure hilarity".
The actors NAIL their roles. I always liked Toni Collette, but I've never loved her like I do in this one. Greg Kinnear plays the overly humiliated character well, and proves once again to be a damn solid actor. Steve Carell, the one whom they've been promoting the most in the ads, pulls off a lovely more dramatic turn. Maybe dramatic isn't the right word, I think tragic might suffice. Don't let the fame stop you, this man is a professional, and his role here couldn't be more different than his roles in The Office and The 40 Year Old Virgin. And yet, he nails this one, too. Alan Arkin is funny as the foul mothed older person who doesn't care, which again is a cliche of the genre, but somehow he makes it feel fresh again. The standouts, though, are Dano and Breslin. By barely speaking a word, and still managing to make me believe every beat of his character, Dano almost manages to steal the flick away from seasoned pros. He's complex and knows what he wants, and even though he quotes Nietszche and realizes how pointless life is, you forgive him because he's in high school, and these are the things that high school seniors are supposed to be involved in, not how many friends are in their MySpace or who's stonefacing whom in the cafeteria later on. Abigail Breslin, however, is the true, uncorrupted heart of the flick. It's her journey as well, and she manages to pull off everything an adorable child should do in a movie that isn't rote and done before. I hope this girl continues along this path, and doesn't feel the need to pull a Dakota Fanning, and get too big for her britches. (Or occupy two hours of my time by screaming and being anoying with Tom Cruise).
Directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris, a married couple who have previously made music videos (including the Smashing Pumpkins "1979", of which there is a tiny nod in the flick), their feature debut is almost flawless. The understand the characters' lives, and depth. They tell the story simply, which is something not commonly associated with music video directors. (Says the guy who watched The Rock this past weekend). Working with Michal Arndt's screenplay, they weave a film so well, that it makes you smile without you even realizing it.
Visually, the film looks good, and it has a really good soundtrack by Mychael Danna and DeVotchka. Everything about the film works well within itself, and it all adds up to one of the best experiences I've had in a theater this year.
While describing the film to a friend, I mentioned that it's a lot like the Full Monty, where a group of people in a rather depressing situation in their lives, have to make a journey and in the end, wind up being a little bit better off then when they began. I stand by this assessment. Thinking about the film a week later, I'm still tickled by a few of the gags, and especially the finale at the pageant itself.
Little Miss Sunshine delivers the goods. Believe all the hype you're hearing about the film, because for once, finally, it's true, and the film is worth it.
Little Miss Sunshine is, in a word, fantastic. I loved this movie and everything about it. There is not one false note in the entire thing, and anytime the movie seems to be going for schmaltz or the sitcom route out, it doesn't take it. Granted, dysfunctional family "comedies" are a dime a dozen these days, but this one stands out for two major reasons: it doesn't take place at Thanksgiving, and it's actually funny.
It tells the tale of the Hoover clan, wannabe motivational speaker Richard (Greg Kinnear); trying to hold it together mom Sheryl (Toni Collette); horny, heroin addicted grandpa (Alan Arkin, always wonderful to see in a flick); teenage son Dwayne (Break through Paul Dano) who's not spoken a word to his family in literally almost a year; suicidal Proust scholar Frank (Steve Carrell); and child beauty pageant contestant Olive (Abigail Breslin, who is so utterly adorable it's almost sickening). The family is all together when word comes that the Little Miss Sunshine beauty pageant in Redondo Beach, CA has selected Olive as a semi-finalist. The clan grudgingly packs into the yellow VW bus, and hit the road from Arizona to California. Naturally, chaos ensues.
What separates this film is that it's funny in addition to being depressing as hell. This is not a healthy family. And even THEY are aware. But the family all seem to possess this gallows humor that feels ever so appropriate for the trials and tribulations they encounter on their journey. I won't spoil any of them, because half the fun of this movie is seeing what happens next. I will say that there's this very silly moment with a busted horn and a traffic officer. Actually, I should mention that the VW bus is it's own character, providing many moments that can only be fittingly described as "pure hilarity".
The actors NAIL their roles. I always liked Toni Collette, but I've never loved her like I do in this one. Greg Kinnear plays the overly humiliated character well, and proves once again to be a damn solid actor. Steve Carell, the one whom they've been promoting the most in the ads, pulls off a lovely more dramatic turn. Maybe dramatic isn't the right word, I think tragic might suffice. Don't let the fame stop you, this man is a professional, and his role here couldn't be more different than his roles in The Office and The 40 Year Old Virgin. And yet, he nails this one, too. Alan Arkin is funny as the foul mothed older person who doesn't care, which again is a cliche of the genre, but somehow he makes it feel fresh again. The standouts, though, are Dano and Breslin. By barely speaking a word, and still managing to make me believe every beat of his character, Dano almost manages to steal the flick away from seasoned pros. He's complex and knows what he wants, and even though he quotes Nietszche and realizes how pointless life is, you forgive him because he's in high school, and these are the things that high school seniors are supposed to be involved in, not how many friends are in their MySpace or who's stonefacing whom in the cafeteria later on. Abigail Breslin, however, is the true, uncorrupted heart of the flick. It's her journey as well, and she manages to pull off everything an adorable child should do in a movie that isn't rote and done before. I hope this girl continues along this path, and doesn't feel the need to pull a Dakota Fanning, and get too big for her britches. (Or occupy two hours of my time by screaming and being anoying with Tom Cruise).
Directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris, a married couple who have previously made music videos (including the Smashing Pumpkins "1979", of which there is a tiny nod in the flick), their feature debut is almost flawless. The understand the characters' lives, and depth. They tell the story simply, which is something not commonly associated with music video directors. (Says the guy who watched The Rock this past weekend). Working with Michal Arndt's screenplay, they weave a film so well, that it makes you smile without you even realizing it.
Visually, the film looks good, and it has a really good soundtrack by Mychael Danna and DeVotchka. Everything about the film works well within itself, and it all adds up to one of the best experiences I've had in a theater this year.
While describing the film to a friend, I mentioned that it's a lot like the Full Monty, where a group of people in a rather depressing situation in their lives, have to make a journey and in the end, wind up being a little bit better off then when they began. I stand by this assessment. Thinking about the film a week later, I'm still tickled by a few of the gags, and especially the finale at the pageant itself.
Little Miss Sunshine delivers the goods. Believe all the hype you're hearing about the film, because for once, finally, it's true, and the film is worth it.
Weekend Update: Without those chicks from SNL (sadly)
Alright, it's Monday. After a hellerific Friday (that surprisingly did not include any lemon beverages), the weekend was a nice fun time to chill and relax, and have friends make me dinner. (Thanks again Rico).
A few of the things I learned this weekend?
1) Nip/Tuck is a DAMN fine TV show. Dan and I watched almost the entire first season in a day. (Stupid Dan going to work). So we're only the first season in, and I'm hooked. I really dig it. And as much as I'm looking forward to Daniel Craig playing James bond, I feel bad that Julian McMahon isn't playing him. That guy is hard core awesome in this show, which makes Fantastic Four that much more unforgivable.
2) Continuing along this pattern of TV shows I need to catch up on, Battlestar Galactica. I caught the first 3 hours of the mini series (of the new one on SciFi, that is). It, too, is pretty damn solid. I want to watch more of it, which is a good thing. The show itself has a feel of a little more serious Firefly (look wise), and the subject matter is pretty damn awesome. I loved the performances and the FX, and towards the end, I decided I must continue along with the series. Looking forwad to the rest of it.
3) They just don't make good action movies anymore since the Matrix came out. I was watching pre-Matrix action movies like The Negotiator, The Rock, and Executive Decision (Good call, T-Bone, and US Marshalls came on HBO right after it, making it a double feature from the director Stuart Baird). These movies are pretty badass, but they're not full of Wire-fu. They really on suspense and total bombardment of senses. But I miss them. Bruckheimer's too big now to make them like he used to, and Silver had the Matrix thing, but nowadays, it seems only Luc Besson is making anything close to these old action flicks. And he's not even directing them anymore. They are lost. It's a damn shame. Oh, and Executive Decision is a weird flick to watch when the World Trade Center movie just came out. Just sayin...
4) I didn't think it possible, but there was still a little bit of my heart left to be destroyed. Which it is now. Thank you V.
5) This doesn't count for the weekend, because it happened today, but I am now COMPLETELY MYSPACE FREE!!!! I confirmed it, and now my account with myspace is gone. I feel kind of bad. To all the people on there who ARE my friends and such, but the fact is, Myspace is evil. It wastes obscene amounts of time that can only be attributed to stalking. You create tension and anger with your placement of "Top 8" friends. You add friends like they're going out of style, and then don't even talk to them. You post your life for the world to see, and it usually consists of horrible poetry. And you wanna know something else? YOUR FRIEND'S BAND SUCKS!!! There, I said it. I don't give a shit if they're playing Zen Sushi in two weeks, they suck balls. Stop reminding me all the time to go see them. So it is with a proud heart that I gladly say "Fuck MySpace" and move on.
6) Rico and Shana make a mean Steak dinner, and a killer Ceaser salad.
7) I like the lady in the haircut place for staying open, and offering to cut it more if I don't like it after a few days... for free!
8) I need my groove back.
9) At least I'm not Screech. (This story gets even worse, but I can't find the link to when he got mugged at a motel this past week.
10) Despite what can only be called as the worst summer of my life since '02, at least the Mets are kicking some serious ass. Seriously. the only thing that's kept me going are these games, and the hope of Mets/Red Sox rematch: 20 Years Later. And here's hoping that the Dodgers keep it up too, so I can catch a live Mets game before the year's over. (Seeing as how SOMEONE already took my unofficial godson to his first game already without me, I need to catch a game soon).
So with that, I say, you should check out the Gamers review down below, and keep your eyes peeled for more fun updates I will likely post. (Gotta review Little Miss Sunshine, still).
A few of the things I learned this weekend?
1) Nip/Tuck is a DAMN fine TV show. Dan and I watched almost the entire first season in a day. (Stupid Dan going to work). So we're only the first season in, and I'm hooked. I really dig it. And as much as I'm looking forward to Daniel Craig playing James bond, I feel bad that Julian McMahon isn't playing him. That guy is hard core awesome in this show, which makes Fantastic Four that much more unforgivable.
2) Continuing along this pattern of TV shows I need to catch up on, Battlestar Galactica. I caught the first 3 hours of the mini series (of the new one on SciFi, that is). It, too, is pretty damn solid. I want to watch more of it, which is a good thing. The show itself has a feel of a little more serious Firefly (look wise), and the subject matter is pretty damn awesome. I loved the performances and the FX, and towards the end, I decided I must continue along with the series. Looking forwad to the rest of it.
3) They just don't make good action movies anymore since the Matrix came out. I was watching pre-Matrix action movies like The Negotiator, The Rock, and Executive Decision (Good call, T-Bone, and US Marshalls came on HBO right after it, making it a double feature from the director Stuart Baird). These movies are pretty badass, but they're not full of Wire-fu. They really on suspense and total bombardment of senses. But I miss them. Bruckheimer's too big now to make them like he used to, and Silver had the Matrix thing, but nowadays, it seems only Luc Besson is making anything close to these old action flicks. And he's not even directing them anymore. They are lost. It's a damn shame. Oh, and Executive Decision is a weird flick to watch when the World Trade Center movie just came out. Just sayin...
4) I didn't think it possible, but there was still a little bit of my heart left to be destroyed. Which it is now. Thank you V.
5) This doesn't count for the weekend, because it happened today, but I am now COMPLETELY MYSPACE FREE!!!! I confirmed it, and now my account with myspace is gone. I feel kind of bad. To all the people on there who ARE my friends and such, but the fact is, Myspace is evil. It wastes obscene amounts of time that can only be attributed to stalking. You create tension and anger with your placement of "Top 8" friends. You add friends like they're going out of style, and then don't even talk to them. You post your life for the world to see, and it usually consists of horrible poetry. And you wanna know something else? YOUR FRIEND'S BAND SUCKS!!! There, I said it. I don't give a shit if they're playing Zen Sushi in two weeks, they suck balls. Stop reminding me all the time to go see them. So it is with a proud heart that I gladly say "Fuck MySpace" and move on.
6) Rico and Shana make a mean Steak dinner, and a killer Ceaser salad.
7) I like the lady in the haircut place for staying open, and offering to cut it more if I don't like it after a few days... for free!
8) I need my groove back.
9) At least I'm not Screech. (This story gets even worse, but I can't find the link to when he got mugged at a motel this past week.
10) Despite what can only be called as the worst summer of my life since '02, at least the Mets are kicking some serious ass. Seriously. the only thing that's kept me going are these games, and the hope of Mets/Red Sox rematch: 20 Years Later. And here's hoping that the Dodgers keep it up too, so I can catch a live Mets game before the year's over. (Seeing as how SOMEONE already took my unofficial godson to his first game already without me, I need to catch a game soon).
So with that, I say, you should check out the Gamers review down below, and keep your eyes peeled for more fun updates I will likely post. (Gotta review Little Miss Sunshine, still).
Friday, August 11, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Gamers: A movie for people like me. And, by default, you.
Alright, I think it's time I let you all in on something a little shocking. I was never that big into RPGs. (Role playing games, not rocket propelled grenades, which, sadly, Dan can attest my love for after seeing Miami Vice). And yet, I know so many of my friends who love them, and play them still, to this day. And I attended a fair amount of gaming nights in high school (and middle school, back when Alex Meyer was still around, and had the cool basement). I remember these evenings vividly. And while that's part of the charm involved with "Gamers", luckily it's not all the film relies on.
Gamers is a new indie film written and directed by Christopher Folino that chronicles an evening of gamers, still playing every Saturday night 13 years since high school has ended, as they are about 12 hours away from breaking the all time record for consecutive play. The gamers in the film play Demons, Nymphs, and Dragons (DND, get it? ) and have been doing so every night since high school. They are comprised of Kevin (Kevin Sherwood), Gordon (Kevin Kirkpatrick), Paul (Scott Allen Rinker), Fernando (Joe Nieves), and Reese (Dave Hanson), all geeks and gamers who occasionally take the game a little too far. Each has a dead end type job, and most live with their parents still. All but Fernando, who became a gamer simply because he sucks at soccer. (Or as they call it everywhere else in the world and in the pizza parlor I used to work at, football).
Gamers is done in mockumentary fashion, which I had started to grow tired of, but in this film it works quite well. While showing our heroes in their jobs/lives, the style allows for moments of improv that are far funnier than they should be. (I'm a particular fan of Kevin's job as a man who sings songs with your child's name in them. If there is justice in the world, "Wake Up Dick" will become a song that sweeps across the myspacers' ringtones). In fact, what Gamers does best are these moments of character, and it mines the humor from them, as opposed to putting nerds in a silly situation. That's one of the prime factors of enjoyability with the film. Although the moments can feel absurd, they are never out of place, and simply there for the purpose of "The joke". (Although, the Dungeon Lord grand robe pushes it a little, but it's too damn funny to really nitpick about). There are a lot of moments in the film that are filled with outright hilarity, crafting a mighty enjoyable time.
Filling out the cast are some familiar faces, such as John Heard and Beverly D'Angelo as Gordon's parents, who are much more cool than he is. The Greatest American Hero himself, William Katt (although I'll always remember him from House, not the doctor show), has a small role as Reese's boss who used to be a hard core gamer until he kicked the dragon and began playing Madden. And Ms. Weird Science herself, Kelly LeBrock, playing the role of hot mom. Far too brief a role, the film could have used more LeBrock. (But the scene she's in is quite good).
What I liked best about the film is that it had heart. You could tell a real love of these characters from Folino and the actors. Situations in the film rarely feel forced, instead having a nice natural flow. These characters would do these things. I must heap praise on the character of Reese, whom my fellow D&D players from High School might call Brock from the sheer amount of abuse Reese has to take from the Dungeon Lord Kevin. (Reese phoning Kevin with death threats for killing off his oldest character are priceless, and it was that scene that sold me on the film.) And how can you not like a movie where one of the main characters, after being told he won a trip Costa Rica, immediately responds "All right! That's where they shot Predator!" ?
I highly recommend Gamers to you. Mainly, to my friends, but to all people who would understand and appreciate the humor and time and love that went into crafting this film. I look forward to what Folino has next in store for all of us. Gamers is definitely one for those who like to look a little deeper to find a good movie. Thankfully it delivers in spades.
Because I'm a whore, I shall pimp out the place you can see Gamers (I'm not sure if it's available on Netflix, and aside from comic cons and festivals, your best bet is to purchase a copy. I know, I know, I'm whoring out, but I only whore out for stuff I believe in. Like Gamers. And Vitamin Water.
Gamers the movie info. Tell them The Dude sent you, so they'll look at you crazy.
Gamers is a new indie film written and directed by Christopher Folino that chronicles an evening of gamers, still playing every Saturday night 13 years since high school has ended, as they are about 12 hours away from breaking the all time record for consecutive play. The gamers in the film play Demons, Nymphs, and Dragons (DND, get it? ) and have been doing so every night since high school. They are comprised of Kevin (Kevin Sherwood), Gordon (Kevin Kirkpatrick), Paul (Scott Allen Rinker), Fernando (Joe Nieves), and Reese (Dave Hanson), all geeks and gamers who occasionally take the game a little too far. Each has a dead end type job, and most live with their parents still. All but Fernando, who became a gamer simply because he sucks at soccer. (Or as they call it everywhere else in the world and in the pizza parlor I used to work at, football).
Gamers is done in mockumentary fashion, which I had started to grow tired of, but in this film it works quite well. While showing our heroes in their jobs/lives, the style allows for moments of improv that are far funnier than they should be. (I'm a particular fan of Kevin's job as a man who sings songs with your child's name in them. If there is justice in the world, "Wake Up Dick" will become a song that sweeps across the myspacers' ringtones). In fact, what Gamers does best are these moments of character, and it mines the humor from them, as opposed to putting nerds in a silly situation. That's one of the prime factors of enjoyability with the film. Although the moments can feel absurd, they are never out of place, and simply there for the purpose of "The joke". (Although, the Dungeon Lord grand robe pushes it a little, but it's too damn funny to really nitpick about). There are a lot of moments in the film that are filled with outright hilarity, crafting a mighty enjoyable time.
Filling out the cast are some familiar faces, such as John Heard and Beverly D'Angelo as Gordon's parents, who are much more cool than he is. The Greatest American Hero himself, William Katt (although I'll always remember him from House, not the doctor show), has a small role as Reese's boss who used to be a hard core gamer until he kicked the dragon and began playing Madden. And Ms. Weird Science herself, Kelly LeBrock, playing the role of hot mom. Far too brief a role, the film could have used more LeBrock. (But the scene she's in is quite good).
What I liked best about the film is that it had heart. You could tell a real love of these characters from Folino and the actors. Situations in the film rarely feel forced, instead having a nice natural flow. These characters would do these things. I must heap praise on the character of Reese, whom my fellow D&D players from High School might call Brock from the sheer amount of abuse Reese has to take from the Dungeon Lord Kevin. (Reese phoning Kevin with death threats for killing off his oldest character are priceless, and it was that scene that sold me on the film.) And how can you not like a movie where one of the main characters, after being told he won a trip Costa Rica, immediately responds "All right! That's where they shot Predator!" ?
I highly recommend Gamers to you. Mainly, to my friends, but to all people who would understand and appreciate the humor and time and love that went into crafting this film. I look forward to what Folino has next in store for all of us. Gamers is definitely one for those who like to look a little deeper to find a good movie. Thankfully it delivers in spades.
Because I'm a whore, I shall pimp out the place you can see Gamers (I'm not sure if it's available on Netflix, and aside from comic cons and festivals, your best bet is to purchase a copy. I know, I know, I'm whoring out, but I only whore out for stuff I believe in. Like Gamers. And Vitamin Water.
Gamers the movie info. Tell them The Dude sent you, so they'll look at you crazy.
OK, I was wrong.
So, due to my joy at the potential news, it failed to occur to me that Escape From Earth is something that will NOT actually happen. And the story I posted the other day is not indeed true.
Which is a damn shame. The world needs Snake Plissken, even if it is about him leaving said world.
Alas...
In other news, I've heard from about four or five people who are doing this horrible master cleanse thing, or at least want to do it. What about my lunacy made you think that it would be a good idea? I still have lemon scented nightmares laced with cayenne pepper demons. It's stupid, and I'm not even sure it was 100% beneficial. (although, I liked hearing that thing about my skin, but that's because I rarely can take a compliment). The point is, it's ludicrous. Much like the popular rapper/actor. Who kicked ass in Hustle and Flow.
You know, it IS hard out here for a pimp.
Which is a damn shame. The world needs Snake Plissken, even if it is about him leaving said world.
Alas...
In other news, I've heard from about four or five people who are doing this horrible master cleanse thing, or at least want to do it. What about my lunacy made you think that it would be a good idea? I still have lemon scented nightmares laced with cayenne pepper demons. It's stupid, and I'm not even sure it was 100% beneficial. (although, I liked hearing that thing about my skin, but that's because I rarely can take a compliment). The point is, it's ludicrous. Much like the popular rapper/actor. Who kicked ass in Hustle and Flow.
You know, it IS hard out here for a pimp.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
DanSpeak 8-8-06
To Brian, regarding a female co-worker that will be accompanying us to the cinema that evening: Is she single? Where's she sitting? IS SHE FERTILE?!?!?
(Swear to God)
(Swear to God)
Monday, August 07, 2006
Best Day in Three Months!
Master cleanse is done. I get to eat soup today!!!
Saw a bunch of really good (and some not so good) movies over the weekend!!!
They include: Jersey Girl, Hoffa, I Like It Like That, Collateral (I have a condition that forces me to watch this movie whenever it's on, no matter what scene it is. It's the same with LA Confidential, and sadly enough, Alien Vs. Predator), House of Wax (remake), The Ring 2, Field of Dreams, The Long Goodbye, Gamers, Little Miss Sunshine. (I didn't leave much, as the lemons kept calling me.)
And now, I have this to send you off to. After years of waiting, someone finally answered my letters!
And just because I have a blog, and I used to do this all the time with my retched MySpace blog, I'm currently listening to this and this, cleverly positioned on my itunes for just such an occasion.
I'll have some reviews up for Sunshine and Gamers in the next few hours/days (Work is getting stupid and needy, just like me).
Saw a bunch of really good (and some not so good) movies over the weekend!!!
They include: Jersey Girl, Hoffa, I Like It Like That, Collateral (I have a condition that forces me to watch this movie whenever it's on, no matter what scene it is. It's the same with LA Confidential, and sadly enough, Alien Vs. Predator), House of Wax (remake), The Ring 2, Field of Dreams, The Long Goodbye, Gamers, Little Miss Sunshine. (I didn't leave much, as the lemons kept calling me.)
And now, I have this to send you off to. After years of waiting, someone finally answered my letters!
And just because I have a blog, and I used to do this all the time with my retched MySpace blog, I'm currently listening to this and this, cleverly positioned on my itunes for just such an occasion.
I'll have some reviews up for Sunshine and Gamers in the next few hours/days (Work is getting stupid and needy, just like me).
Saturday, August 05, 2006
MASTER CLEANSE: DAY 6 - The end is nigh
Why do I say that? Because I'm fuckin' sick of this. I'm tired of my house smelling like a citrus grove. I'm tired of the fact that all I have in my fridge is cheese and lemons. I'm tired of hearing my stomach growl for longer than a minute. (That truly happened, and it scared the shit out of me. Not that there's any shit left really, but that's more than you all needed to know).
As it stands, I lost about 11 pounds in 6 days. By no means should I complain, but fact remains this was hellish.
And yet, as I sit here, drinking the last of the hellish beverage, thinking "I voluntarily do this to myself" I realize I do the same thing with smoking. I willingly do horrible things to my body, for reasons that escape only me.
Point is, the re-tox begins tomorrow. This is done mainly for Dan's safety, but for my own to boot. Let's be honest, though, it's mainly for him.
I would never reccommend this experience to anybody. There's plenty of better ways to reach Bill Bradley proportions of weight loss. Proper eating habits, regular exercise, the lack of tobacco inhalation. (Oddly enough, most of my boozing days are long behind me. Wondered how that happened?)
It was indeed a learning experience, and I learned that this is stupid. A mighty huzzah rings out from all the mugmakers at renaissance festival's across the globe.
See what I mean about goin loopy?
As it stands, I lost about 11 pounds in 6 days. By no means should I complain, but fact remains this was hellish.
And yet, as I sit here, drinking the last of the hellish beverage, thinking "I voluntarily do this to myself" I realize I do the same thing with smoking. I willingly do horrible things to my body, for reasons that escape only me.
Point is, the re-tox begins tomorrow. This is done mainly for Dan's safety, but for my own to boot. Let's be honest, though, it's mainly for him.
I would never reccommend this experience to anybody. There's plenty of better ways to reach Bill Bradley proportions of weight loss. Proper eating habits, regular exercise, the lack of tobacco inhalation. (Oddly enough, most of my boozing days are long behind me. Wondered how that happened?)
It was indeed a learning experience, and I learned that this is stupid. A mighty huzzah rings out from all the mugmakers at renaissance festival's across the globe.
See what I mean about goin loopy?
Friday, August 04, 2006
MASTER CLEANSE: DAY 5
If anyone ever tells you to try the Master Cleanse method to detox your body and/or lose weight, I want you to slap them upside the head. Then come out to LA and smack Dan upside the head, too. For good measure.
For the record, I'm on Day 5 (as the title of the post would lead most to believe) and it's hell. To be fair, it IS working, but at what cost? Making your house smell like lemons? Becoming subserviant to "The Beverage"? Seriously, I have put off plans with people this week, solely because I wouldn't be able to make the drink on time for the next day's consumption. Not to mention the more than frequent visits to the bathroom.
Here's a glimpse of what my days have consisted of lately:
7:00AM: wake up
7:15-8:00: bathroom time (the three "S"es, Shit, Shave, Shower)
8:00-8:30: Contemplate various excuses to not go into work
8:30-9:00: Commute to work
9:00: Begin first cup of the day, followed shortly by second and third
12:30-1:00 or so: Finish first of TWO 2-liter bottles. Begin second one.
(Should be noted, every half hour, I go off to pee, every 2 hours, visit the bathroom again for other things)
2:00: have cigarette to relieve the stress of no eating and incessant beep coming from unity drive.
2:30: Have phone call from my friend Jess, who gives me shit for smoking.
7:00: Finish up with work or so, but save just enough in second bottle for home.
9:00PM: At home, having finished second bottle (and yelling at Dan about it) I begin to make tomorrow's drink.
9:15: mental breakdown about how my refridgerater contains nothing but lemons and condiments. Throw knives at picture of Dan's head, and berate him incessantly while chanting "LEMONS" as said by Homer Simpson to Lisa in the episode where Homer opens the bar in his garage, and REM plays.
10:00PM: Beverage is made for the next day's imbibing. Fix self a piping hot mug of laxative tea.
10:30: Futurama
around 11:15, get sleepy realizing that I haven't eaten anything in days. Go to sleep, and dream of sandwiches.
Lost thus far: 6 lbs.
Not exactly the smartest thing to do, but I've never been all that smart to begin with.
For the record, I'm on Day 5 (as the title of the post would lead most to believe) and it's hell. To be fair, it IS working, but at what cost? Making your house smell like lemons? Becoming subserviant to "The Beverage"? Seriously, I have put off plans with people this week, solely because I wouldn't be able to make the drink on time for the next day's consumption. Not to mention the more than frequent visits to the bathroom.
Here's a glimpse of what my days have consisted of lately:
7:00AM: wake up
7:15-8:00: bathroom time (the three "S"es, Shit, Shave, Shower)
8:00-8:30: Contemplate various excuses to not go into work
8:30-9:00: Commute to work
9:00: Begin first cup of the day, followed shortly by second and third
12:30-1:00 or so: Finish first of TWO 2-liter bottles. Begin second one.
(Should be noted, every half hour, I go off to pee, every 2 hours, visit the bathroom again for other things)
2:00: have cigarette to relieve the stress of no eating and incessant beep coming from unity drive.
2:30: Have phone call from my friend Jess, who gives me shit for smoking.
7:00: Finish up with work or so, but save just enough in second bottle for home.
9:00PM: At home, having finished second bottle (and yelling at Dan about it) I begin to make tomorrow's drink.
9:15: mental breakdown about how my refridgerater contains nothing but lemons and condiments. Throw knives at picture of Dan's head, and berate him incessantly while chanting "LEMONS" as said by Homer Simpson to Lisa in the episode where Homer opens the bar in his garage, and REM plays.
10:00PM: Beverage is made for the next day's imbibing. Fix self a piping hot mug of laxative tea.
10:30: Futurama
around 11:15, get sleepy realizing that I haven't eaten anything in days. Go to sleep, and dream of sandwiches.
Lost thus far: 6 lbs.
Not exactly the smartest thing to do, but I've never been all that smart to begin with.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Another embedded video.... but c'mon, this one's worth it!
Hey all. Again, in my internet searches of the day, I stumble across something a little dear to our hearts.
This one goes out to three people: my former college roommate Jon, my junior prom date Jess, and T-bone.
You'll thank me for it. Even if it gets you fired.
This one goes out to three people: my former college roommate Jon, my junior prom date Jess, and T-bone.
You'll thank me for it. Even if it gets you fired.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Snakes on the brain...
I realize I'm not the first person to think this up. I'm not original one iota.
But I don't give a fuck.
This is genius.
Shout out to Mr. Bill Bradley, who sent me mine.
On an off hand note, and for the few readers who would get it, I was watching Wisdom with Emilio Estevez, and two thoughts came into my head:
1) I have a sudden desire to see Men At Work
2) Emilio Estevez looks a lot like Jeep.
But I don't give a fuck.
This is genius.
Shout out to Mr. Bill Bradley, who sent me mine.
On an off hand note, and for the few readers who would get it, I was watching Wisdom with Emilio Estevez, and two thoughts came into my head:
1) I have a sudden desire to see Men At Work
2) Emilio Estevez looks a lot like Jeep.
Because I'm lazy... MORE TWEENERS!!!
Yes, time to catch up on all the flicks I caught in the month of July, and have been too damn lazy ("Preoccupied" is the term I prefer) to post them. Since I don't really write for moviesonline all that much anymore (there's a fun story there, I'll get to later). As it stands, I saw a fwe flicks this month that I'd like to share my opinions on, and hear from you, the readers of Former Dude Speak aka There's Always Mini-Golf.
The only tweener that gets it's own review is 3 Fast 3 Furious, for reasons revealed in that post.
CARS: Pixar has done it again. They created another winner. Although, it's not as cool as The Incredibles, it still ranks up there with the Pixar greats. It's a hell of a lot of fun, and the animation is quite good. Besides, you have Owen Wilson as the voice of a car that gets stuck on it's way to LA in the small town of Radiator Springs. It's Doc Hollywood with talking cars. The supporting cast knocks it out of the park, and creates a fun little community that, were I a talking animated car, would want to be a part of. Paul Newman, Bonnie Hunt, Cheech Marin, George Carlin (as the hippie VW bus, no less), Larry The Cable Guy (who I never caught doing stand up, but who made the flick really work for me, if you can believe it), and Tony Shalhoub, among others, make this a damn good time. It's good for whole families, while retaining a good sense of humor for adults and pothead hipsters alike. And not the Shrek 2 style of comedy where it takes something popular and does the same thing, but it's funny because it's Shrek doing it, not Spiderman. It's a good story, beautifully told, with a solid heart. Easily one of the best this summer.
Pirates Of The Caribbean- Dead Man's Chest: It's made countless millions of dollars and has captured the nation by storm. Odds are, you've probably seen it. But I'm gonna talk about it anyway. POTC was a damn solid film, but it was marred by a few flaws that nag on me. Not to Superman Returns levels of nagging, where it actually changed my opinion of the film. But there are some things nonetheless that bug me about it.
The most common gripe of the film I subscribe to. It's too damn long. Sure it's a lot of fun, but there was a lot of unnecessary stuff. Like the cannibal island bit, which introduced a bunch of strange elements that didn't matter to anything in the world of the film. And every sly, winking nod to the audience about how there was a first film. (Little hints, repeated bits of dialogue, everything but turning to the camera and saying "Hey, remember in the first one when we did that?") And Johnny Depp, despite having an entrance that tops the first film, seemed to be trying a little too hard to recapture the magic of his performance from the first film. It was slightly irritating. I was afraid the film would suffer from what I like to call "The Curse Of The Mummy Returns", where it's bigger and more extravagant than the first film, but it loses it's goofy charm that made the first one so damn appealing to begin with. The first half hour of Dead Man's Chest was going down that road mighty fast.
Luckily, things turned around, though, and I wound up enjoying more. When Davy Jones and his crew arrive, the film comes alive for me. The special effects in these scenes are amazing. Bill Nighy's performance as Jones is also a marvel to behold. He conveys a lot under the effects (I heard he was motion captured, and everything on his face is in fact digital, but I'll be damned if I could tell that, I thought it was make-up). Whenever he and his crew are on screen, the film becomes what it intended to. And that stuff worked for me. Everyone else was on par from the original, Bloom surprising me the most. But the Davy Jones crew, man. That's what this movie's all about. And the cliffhanger ending would have been truly amazing had a) I not read a spoiler of it ahead of time; and b) it arrived about fifteenminutes earlier, thus ending the film.
Still, it is by no means bad or a waste of time. It's a good time at the moviesif you can stand the length. It's worth it, especially for Jones. (And that shot of his ship submerging is gorgeous).
Clerks 2 : Hands down, my favorite summer movie. Well written, just as hilarious as anything Kevin Smith has written before, and poignant to boot. The sequel that most people questioned a need for, Clerks 2 follows Dante and Randall along their career paths. When a fire, caused by a stray coffee pot and Randall's negligence, burns down the beloved Quick Stop, the boys have to move on to Mooby's, the fast food joint that doesn't get many visitors. Once again, the action takes place over the course of one day, but this time it's the last day Dante has before moving to Florida with his fiancee where her family will hook him up with a sweet job managing a car wash. Randall is, naturally, confused by this course of action, but supports his best friend as best he can: by riffing on popular culture and being as openly offensive as anyone can. Along the way, there's a lot more plot this time around, involving Becky, the manager (played by the absolutely gorgeous Roasrio Dawson, who I'll get to in a moment) and Elias, the teenage fast food worker who's a bit naive, but not for long thanks to Randall. And of course, Jay and Silent Bob are hanging outside the restaurant, selling weed despite a trip to rehab (based in no small part on Jason Mewes own stint with rehab).
It's definitely the best film Smith has made in his career. While he often laments about his lack of talent, he tries new things here, and is more confidant than I've witnessed. He even includes a brief musical number that was surprisingly well done. It made me love the Jackson 5 song "ABC" again, after years of loathing. He does with two other songs in the film, actually, finding good uses for previously hated tuens "1979" by Smashing Pumpkins, and "Misery" by Soul Asylum. But Smith knows his characters well enough to let them do what they do, and have us observe them. The film is full of wonderful little moments, like the go kart scene, and the musical number, amongst others. Sure, there's a donkey show, but it's honestly the first time I can say that a donkey show in a movie like this is not only necesary but should be required. And all these scenes worked for me.
For God's sake, there's a C.H.U.D. reference in the film!
The actors are at the top of their game, which is a nice change of pace from the first film, where everyone was a non professional. Brian O'Halloran is Dante, once again, the perpetual stuck in a rut guy who wants something he can't have and settles for the only available option to get him out of the hell he thinks his life is. Age has proven well to the character, as he's now fully aware of how much he hates his life. And Jeff Anderson is back as Randall, which might be one of the greatest characters ever conceived this side of GOB Bluth on Arrested Development. Randall is pure id, even more so than Jay. The things Randall does in this film are brilliant, from corrupting the mind of young Elias (or just taking inthis kid's weirdness for what it is... I speak of the Pillowpants scene) to an attempt to reclaim "porch monkey" as a non offensive term. ("It's ok, I'm taking it back"). He switches unbelievably well between moments of rage and humor. And towards the end, he makes a big speech to Dante that most actors wouldn't be able to pull off in a wet dream. It's touching and hilarious, and he never drops the ball. Randall is pitch perfect. The movie is worth it alone just to hear his diatribe about The Lord Of The Rings trilogy.
Roasrio Dawson is amazing as Becky, as she is a well written character. And my love of her in this flick has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with a passing resemblance to a recent love in my life, both in look and character. (Not to mention dialogue, which is a little freaky as she says things the ex said. Seriously, Dawson was one step away from saying "Dino Midas!"). She's absolutely perfect, and fits in with the crew. And Trevor Fuhrman as Elias... this kid has a long future ahead of him. He plays the character a little too well, but sells it, and almost steals it from the leads (when Dawson isn't). A perfect foil for Randall, even more so than Dante.
I could keep going on about the movie, but I won't. All I will say is that you should see it. It also has one of the best last shots in a movie, and one that sums up what the movie is about. Clerks 2 may not be everyone's cup of tea, but for me, it was the perfect summer blend.
(How's that for lame?)
Miami Vice: Ah, what would summer be without a Michael Mann film? A movie about guns and machismo and beautiful people in exotic locations driving fancy cars and boats. And guns.
Miami Vice plays like a giant episode of the TV series it was based on. At least that's what I've heard. i never watched the show. My friend Ed says the show was all about style, and very little substance. That's what Miami Vice the movie is like, but it takes itself a lot more seriously. Colin Farrel, whom I've never been afraid of showing the love for, plays Crockett while Jamie Foxx tries valiantly to make me forget about Stealth by playing Tubbs. They work well together, and you can tell that they would be partners for a long time at this point.
I can't really tell you what the movie's about. Mainly because I have no idea myself. It involves Crockett and Tubbs going undercover to nail a drug lord. Or something. A few drug lords, maybe. It's kind of confusing, but the movie is all about mood and texture. And guns.
There's a lot that's not that great about the flick, such as the senseless sex scenes (which, alliteration aside, is something I never thought would be a negative in my column) and a length that almost rivals Pirates and Superman in the "c'mon already" category this summer. But Farrel and Foxx are pretty damn good, and the set pieces, when they work they work hardcore. There's very little in the way of exposition, as it's all about the procedural work. And by procedure, I men Farrel boning Gong Li. for like twenty minutes. In Cuba. You read that right.
I don't know who the guy is, but one of the villains in the piece, the one with more screen time than the main one, kind of looks like Sayid on Lost. And he looks like that Fred Armisan guy from SNL, who's not that funny. And he looks a little like T-Bone's cousin Andrew. Point is, I liked him a lot. He brought more to his character than most would.
Mann shot an impressive flick, on HD no less. It's full of testosterone and Moby tunes, but that's what Mann likes. And kudos on frequent use of Audioslave, for that matter. Mann's films are about tone more so than plot, and the characters that inhabit the worlds he creates. Last of the Mohicans, Heat, and especially Collateral, all show this well. (Insider kicks ass on many different levels). Miami Vice is no exception to the cannon. Not exactly his best (it could have used a little more in the clarification department, and less on the sex scenes), but it's still a worthy entry for the resume.
And the gunfight in the end is ridonkulous. All I can say (and have been saying since I saw it, Dan can attest) is I want the gun Jamie Foxx uses. It's insane. I actually yelled "HOLY FUCK!" when he fired it.
So there you go, kids, some fine tweeners for your day. You see these flicks? Wanna talk about them? Post comments. Try to keep it spolier free, if possible.
Oh, and flicks I haven't yet seen, but plan on include: Nacho Libre (finally coming to the $2 theater), The Devil Wears Prada (my friend wants to go see it, so I'm using her as an excuse), Lady In The Water (just to see what the big deal is), and Monster House. No interest in the other Owen Wilson movie, or the one with the Wayans brother playing a midget.
The only tweener that gets it's own review is 3 Fast 3 Furious, for reasons revealed in that post.
CARS: Pixar has done it again. They created another winner. Although, it's not as cool as The Incredibles, it still ranks up there with the Pixar greats. It's a hell of a lot of fun, and the animation is quite good. Besides, you have Owen Wilson as the voice of a car that gets stuck on it's way to LA in the small town of Radiator Springs. It's Doc Hollywood with talking cars. The supporting cast knocks it out of the park, and creates a fun little community that, were I a talking animated car, would want to be a part of. Paul Newman, Bonnie Hunt, Cheech Marin, George Carlin (as the hippie VW bus, no less), Larry The Cable Guy (who I never caught doing stand up, but who made the flick really work for me, if you can believe it), and Tony Shalhoub, among others, make this a damn good time. It's good for whole families, while retaining a good sense of humor for adults and pothead hipsters alike. And not the Shrek 2 style of comedy where it takes something popular and does the same thing, but it's funny because it's Shrek doing it, not Spiderman. It's a good story, beautifully told, with a solid heart. Easily one of the best this summer.
Pirates Of The Caribbean- Dead Man's Chest: It's made countless millions of dollars and has captured the nation by storm. Odds are, you've probably seen it. But I'm gonna talk about it anyway. POTC was a damn solid film, but it was marred by a few flaws that nag on me. Not to Superman Returns levels of nagging, where it actually changed my opinion of the film. But there are some things nonetheless that bug me about it.
The most common gripe of the film I subscribe to. It's too damn long. Sure it's a lot of fun, but there was a lot of unnecessary stuff. Like the cannibal island bit, which introduced a bunch of strange elements that didn't matter to anything in the world of the film. And every sly, winking nod to the audience about how there was a first film. (Little hints, repeated bits of dialogue, everything but turning to the camera and saying "Hey, remember in the first one when we did that?") And Johnny Depp, despite having an entrance that tops the first film, seemed to be trying a little too hard to recapture the magic of his performance from the first film. It was slightly irritating. I was afraid the film would suffer from what I like to call "The Curse Of The Mummy Returns", where it's bigger and more extravagant than the first film, but it loses it's goofy charm that made the first one so damn appealing to begin with. The first half hour of Dead Man's Chest was going down that road mighty fast.
Luckily, things turned around, though, and I wound up enjoying more. When Davy Jones and his crew arrive, the film comes alive for me. The special effects in these scenes are amazing. Bill Nighy's performance as Jones is also a marvel to behold. He conveys a lot under the effects (I heard he was motion captured, and everything on his face is in fact digital, but I'll be damned if I could tell that, I thought it was make-up). Whenever he and his crew are on screen, the film becomes what it intended to. And that stuff worked for me. Everyone else was on par from the original, Bloom surprising me the most. But the Davy Jones crew, man. That's what this movie's all about. And the cliffhanger ending would have been truly amazing had a) I not read a spoiler of it ahead of time; and b) it arrived about fifteenminutes earlier, thus ending the film.
Still, it is by no means bad or a waste of time. It's a good time at the moviesif you can stand the length. It's worth it, especially for Jones. (And that shot of his ship submerging is gorgeous).
Clerks 2 : Hands down, my favorite summer movie. Well written, just as hilarious as anything Kevin Smith has written before, and poignant to boot. The sequel that most people questioned a need for, Clerks 2 follows Dante and Randall along their career paths. When a fire, caused by a stray coffee pot and Randall's negligence, burns down the beloved Quick Stop, the boys have to move on to Mooby's, the fast food joint that doesn't get many visitors. Once again, the action takes place over the course of one day, but this time it's the last day Dante has before moving to Florida with his fiancee where her family will hook him up with a sweet job managing a car wash. Randall is, naturally, confused by this course of action, but supports his best friend as best he can: by riffing on popular culture and being as openly offensive as anyone can. Along the way, there's a lot more plot this time around, involving Becky, the manager (played by the absolutely gorgeous Roasrio Dawson, who I'll get to in a moment) and Elias, the teenage fast food worker who's a bit naive, but not for long thanks to Randall. And of course, Jay and Silent Bob are hanging outside the restaurant, selling weed despite a trip to rehab (based in no small part on Jason Mewes own stint with rehab).
It's definitely the best film Smith has made in his career. While he often laments about his lack of talent, he tries new things here, and is more confidant than I've witnessed. He even includes a brief musical number that was surprisingly well done. It made me love the Jackson 5 song "ABC" again, after years of loathing. He does with two other songs in the film, actually, finding good uses for previously hated tuens "1979" by Smashing Pumpkins, and "Misery" by Soul Asylum. But Smith knows his characters well enough to let them do what they do, and have us observe them. The film is full of wonderful little moments, like the go kart scene, and the musical number, amongst others. Sure, there's a donkey show, but it's honestly the first time I can say that a donkey show in a movie like this is not only necesary but should be required. And all these scenes worked for me.
For God's sake, there's a C.H.U.D. reference in the film!
The actors are at the top of their game, which is a nice change of pace from the first film, where everyone was a non professional. Brian O'Halloran is Dante, once again, the perpetual stuck in a rut guy who wants something he can't have and settles for the only available option to get him out of the hell he thinks his life is. Age has proven well to the character, as he's now fully aware of how much he hates his life. And Jeff Anderson is back as Randall, which might be one of the greatest characters ever conceived this side of GOB Bluth on Arrested Development. Randall is pure id, even more so than Jay. The things Randall does in this film are brilliant, from corrupting the mind of young Elias (or just taking inthis kid's weirdness for what it is... I speak of the Pillowpants scene) to an attempt to reclaim "porch monkey" as a non offensive term. ("It's ok, I'm taking it back"). He switches unbelievably well between moments of rage and humor. And towards the end, he makes a big speech to Dante that most actors wouldn't be able to pull off in a wet dream. It's touching and hilarious, and he never drops the ball. Randall is pitch perfect. The movie is worth it alone just to hear his diatribe about The Lord Of The Rings trilogy.
Roasrio Dawson is amazing as Becky, as she is a well written character. And my love of her in this flick has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with a passing resemblance to a recent love in my life, both in look and character. (Not to mention dialogue, which is a little freaky as she says things the ex said. Seriously, Dawson was one step away from saying "Dino Midas!"). She's absolutely perfect, and fits in with the crew. And Trevor Fuhrman as Elias... this kid has a long future ahead of him. He plays the character a little too well, but sells it, and almost steals it from the leads (when Dawson isn't). A perfect foil for Randall, even more so than Dante.
I could keep going on about the movie, but I won't. All I will say is that you should see it. It also has one of the best last shots in a movie, and one that sums up what the movie is about. Clerks 2 may not be everyone's cup of tea, but for me, it was the perfect summer blend.
(How's that for lame?)
Miami Vice: Ah, what would summer be without a Michael Mann film? A movie about guns and machismo and beautiful people in exotic locations driving fancy cars and boats. And guns.
Miami Vice plays like a giant episode of the TV series it was based on. At least that's what I've heard. i never watched the show. My friend Ed says the show was all about style, and very little substance. That's what Miami Vice the movie is like, but it takes itself a lot more seriously. Colin Farrel, whom I've never been afraid of showing the love for, plays Crockett while Jamie Foxx tries valiantly to make me forget about Stealth by playing Tubbs. They work well together, and you can tell that they would be partners for a long time at this point.
I can't really tell you what the movie's about. Mainly because I have no idea myself. It involves Crockett and Tubbs going undercover to nail a drug lord. Or something. A few drug lords, maybe. It's kind of confusing, but the movie is all about mood and texture. And guns.
There's a lot that's not that great about the flick, such as the senseless sex scenes (which, alliteration aside, is something I never thought would be a negative in my column) and a length that almost rivals Pirates and Superman in the "c'mon already" category this summer. But Farrel and Foxx are pretty damn good, and the set pieces, when they work they work hardcore. There's very little in the way of exposition, as it's all about the procedural work. And by procedure, I men Farrel boning Gong Li. for like twenty minutes. In Cuba. You read that right.
I don't know who the guy is, but one of the villains in the piece, the one with more screen time than the main one, kind of looks like Sayid on Lost. And he looks like that Fred Armisan guy from SNL, who's not that funny. And he looks a little like T-Bone's cousin Andrew. Point is, I liked him a lot. He brought more to his character than most would.
Mann shot an impressive flick, on HD no less. It's full of testosterone and Moby tunes, but that's what Mann likes. And kudos on frequent use of Audioslave, for that matter. Mann's films are about tone more so than plot, and the characters that inhabit the worlds he creates. Last of the Mohicans, Heat, and especially Collateral, all show this well. (Insider kicks ass on many different levels). Miami Vice is no exception to the cannon. Not exactly his best (it could have used a little more in the clarification department, and less on the sex scenes), but it's still a worthy entry for the resume.
And the gunfight in the end is ridonkulous. All I can say (and have been saying since I saw it, Dan can attest) is I want the gun Jamie Foxx uses. It's insane. I actually yelled "HOLY FUCK!" when he fired it.
So there you go, kids, some fine tweeners for your day. You see these flicks? Wanna talk about them? Post comments. Try to keep it spolier free, if possible.
Oh, and flicks I haven't yet seen, but plan on include: Nacho Libre (finally coming to the $2 theater), The Devil Wears Prada (my friend wants to go see it, so I'm using her as an excuse), Lady In The Water (just to see what the big deal is), and Monster House. No interest in the other Owen Wilson movie, or the one with the Wayans brother playing a midget.
3 Fast 3 Furious: Addendum
I stand corrected. For all the grief I gave the film earlier, about revealing a surprise ending for the film (which would have been a LOT cooler not knowing when I saw the flick) I wound up really enjoying it. Of course, at the $2 theater, most movies wind up being alright.
I started writing a review, but quickly realized that I didn't have it in me to write anything better then the way I described the film to "Triple" Dave Hyde over the interweb. So I present to you, the conversation we had.
For clarity sake, I will be Dude, Dave will be 3D.
**************************************************
AIM IM with boilerhyde.
7/19/06, 9:05 PM
The Dude: if you see one movie this year, make sure it's "Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift"
3D: thank god
3D: its awesome?
3D: awesome in the first one awesome, or just really cool to watch
The Dude: no dude. it's a piece of shit
3D:damn. i was hoping
The Dude: but it's REALLY cool to watch
3D: ok. so, what the second one should have been if they didnt use all the computer graphics and shit
3D: and if Evan Mendes got naked
3D: Eva*
3D: of course
3D: not Evan
3D: i dont know an Evan
3D: and i dont want to see him nakes
3D: naked
The Dude: you're damn right on all counts, sir
The Dude: this movie knows what it wants, and it doesn't hide the fact
The Dude: you wanna see: FAST CARS
3D: see i can respect and enjoy that
The Dude: AND
The Dude: HOT JAPANESE CHICKS
3D: is that Aoki chick in it again?
The Dude: AND LOUD MUSIC THAT WOULDN'T BE VERY GOOD, BUT FOR SOME REASON IN THIS MOVIE FITS PERFECTLY SO I BOUGHT THE SOUNDTRACK
The Dude: No, sadly Aoki's not in it. She was the best part about 2 Fast 2 Furious
The Dude: you know, aside from all the blatant homoeroticism
The Dude: and Paul Walker saying "Bro" all the time
3D: Paul Walker is in this one too...that is sad
The Dude: they're smart as hell and don't even bother trying to tie it into the franchise until the very end, with the thinnest of reasons, but what the hell, it works
The Dude: no
The Dude: he's not in it
The Dude: no one from the original is in it
The Dude: except for one surprise guest at the end which I already ruined for you a long time ago
3D: dont say Vin Diesel
3D: oh ok
3D: see that is the real problem with the second movie no Vin Diesel
The Dude: did you know that after the credits of the first one, it shows Vin Diesel driving in Mexico?
3D: how can you make a movie with him, then make a sequel and not include him
The Dude: easy dude, it's called XXX2: State Of the Union. Don't knock a movie that's got Ice Cube
3D: true... youu got me on that one
3D:VERY entertaining movie
3D:i watch it everytime i see it is on
The Dude: that movie kicked so much more ass than XXX the first
3D:i really liked the first one...but your prob right (NOTE: I AM right)
The Dude: it was such a better made film, and it was short, and it was stupid, and it damn well KNEW it
3D: hahaha
3D: that's all we ask, that they know what they are making and dont try to pretend
The Dude: that's why 3 Fast 3 Furious kicks as much ass as it does
The Dude: by any other accord, this movie should be a turd on the sidewalk
3D: haha
The Dude: but they KNOW what you want. You wanna see Fast cars and hot women and faster cars, and hotter chicks
3D: yes of course
The Dude: and i really want a GTO
3D: i want the new Charger
The Dude: yeah those are pretty cool
3D: that car looks SICK, but apparently it is going to be big $$$
The Dude: here's hoping mega millions pays off tonight
3D: hahaha
The Dude: it only takes a dollar and a dream, dude
3D: is your review of 3 F 3 F up on your blog yet?
The Dude: no. actually i'm thinking of saving this conversation and making it my review. Just put it up like this
3D: go for it
The Dude: because, i can;t really describe it better than I'm explaining to you
The Dude: I could talk about how bad the acting was
3D: but then who cares
The Dude: but that's not why you go see this movie
3D:you wanted to see fast cars and hot chicks
The Dude: exactly
3D: i want to go see this movie now i think
The Dude: right?
3D: hell they should make that the commercial
3D:"YOU WANNA SEE FAST CARS AND HOT CHICKS...
3D: SEE FAST AND THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT
3D: IT HAS FAST CARS AND HOT CHICKS"
The Dude: exactly. HA!
The Dude: and it looks like a real life video game
The Dude: and there's one cool character in it, who's not in it that much.
The Dude: and his name is Han
The Dude: like Han Solo
The Dude: only he's not Han Solo
The Dude: that reminds me, at work today I had to drive a director, and I had to take her kid somewhere first, and he's 5 and we talked about Star Wars for a lot of the trip
3D: cool...she hot?
*********************************************
This is where I end the conversation, for fear of many things. Rest assured, we discussed many other things, such as how I'm becoming Ron Livingston's character in Office Space, the desire for a videogame based on Ronin, and explanations for why Triple Dave has yet to join Netflix.
But there you have it. Hot Japanese chicks, fast cars, loud music, and whenever the plot tries to come in, they get bored and throw in a hot chick and a fast car. In a word... Genius.
I started writing a review, but quickly realized that I didn't have it in me to write anything better then the way I described the film to "Triple" Dave Hyde over the interweb. So I present to you, the conversation we had.
For clarity sake, I will be Dude, Dave will be 3D.
**************************************************
AIM IM with boilerhyde.
7/19/06, 9:05 PM
The Dude: if you see one movie this year, make sure it's "Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift"
3D: thank god
3D: its awesome?
3D: awesome in the first one awesome, or just really cool to watch
The Dude: no dude. it's a piece of shit
3D:damn. i was hoping
The Dude: but it's REALLY cool to watch
3D: ok. so, what the second one should have been if they didnt use all the computer graphics and shit
3D: and if Evan Mendes got naked
3D: Eva*
3D: of course
3D: not Evan
3D: i dont know an Evan
3D: and i dont want to see him nakes
3D: naked
The Dude: you're damn right on all counts, sir
The Dude: this movie knows what it wants, and it doesn't hide the fact
The Dude: you wanna see: FAST CARS
3D: see i can respect and enjoy that
The Dude: AND
The Dude: HOT JAPANESE CHICKS
3D: is that Aoki chick in it again?
The Dude: AND LOUD MUSIC THAT WOULDN'T BE VERY GOOD, BUT FOR SOME REASON IN THIS MOVIE FITS PERFECTLY SO I BOUGHT THE SOUNDTRACK
The Dude: No, sadly Aoki's not in it. She was the best part about 2 Fast 2 Furious
The Dude: you know, aside from all the blatant homoeroticism
The Dude: and Paul Walker saying "Bro" all the time
3D: Paul Walker is in this one too...that is sad
The Dude: they're smart as hell and don't even bother trying to tie it into the franchise until the very end, with the thinnest of reasons, but what the hell, it works
The Dude: no
The Dude: he's not in it
The Dude: no one from the original is in it
The Dude: except for one surprise guest at the end which I already ruined for you a long time ago
3D: dont say Vin Diesel
3D: oh ok
3D: see that is the real problem with the second movie no Vin Diesel
The Dude: did you know that after the credits of the first one, it shows Vin Diesel driving in Mexico?
3D: how can you make a movie with him, then make a sequel and not include him
The Dude: easy dude, it's called XXX2: State Of the Union. Don't knock a movie that's got Ice Cube
3D: true... youu got me on that one
3D:VERY entertaining movie
3D:i watch it everytime i see it is on
The Dude: that movie kicked so much more ass than XXX the first
3D:i really liked the first one...but your prob right (NOTE: I AM right)
The Dude: it was such a better made film, and it was short, and it was stupid, and it damn well KNEW it
3D: hahaha
3D: that's all we ask, that they know what they are making and dont try to pretend
The Dude: that's why 3 Fast 3 Furious kicks as much ass as it does
The Dude: by any other accord, this movie should be a turd on the sidewalk
3D: haha
The Dude: but they KNOW what you want. You wanna see Fast cars and hot women and faster cars, and hotter chicks
3D: yes of course
The Dude: and i really want a GTO
3D: i want the new Charger
The Dude: yeah those are pretty cool
3D: that car looks SICK, but apparently it is going to be big $$$
The Dude: here's hoping mega millions pays off tonight
3D: hahaha
The Dude: it only takes a dollar and a dream, dude
3D: is your review of 3 F 3 F up on your blog yet?
The Dude: no. actually i'm thinking of saving this conversation and making it my review. Just put it up like this
3D: go for it
The Dude: because, i can;t really describe it better than I'm explaining to you
The Dude: I could talk about how bad the acting was
3D: but then who cares
The Dude: but that's not why you go see this movie
3D:you wanted to see fast cars and hot chicks
The Dude: exactly
3D: i want to go see this movie now i think
The Dude: right?
3D: hell they should make that the commercial
3D:"YOU WANNA SEE FAST CARS AND HOT CHICKS...
3D: SEE FAST AND THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT
3D: IT HAS FAST CARS AND HOT CHICKS"
The Dude: exactly. HA!
The Dude: and it looks like a real life video game
The Dude: and there's one cool character in it, who's not in it that much.
The Dude: and his name is Han
The Dude: like Han Solo
The Dude: only he's not Han Solo
The Dude: that reminds me, at work today I had to drive a director, and I had to take her kid somewhere first, and he's 5 and we talked about Star Wars for a lot of the trip
3D: cool...she hot?
*********************************************
This is where I end the conversation, for fear of many things. Rest assured, we discussed many other things, such as how I'm becoming Ron Livingston's character in Office Space, the desire for a videogame based on Ronin, and explanations for why Triple Dave has yet to join Netflix.
But there you have it. Hot Japanese chicks, fast cars, loud music, and whenever the plot tries to come in, they get bored and throw in a hot chick and a fast car. In a word... Genius.
A Lot Of Updates
Hey all, I know it's been awhile, and I apologize. Not exactly the greatest of times going on out here in the city of angels. There's a lot of crazy shyte going on, some good, some not so much, but all of it getting in the way of me being able to properly (and in a timely manner) post reviews of flicks and other interesting little movie tidbits.
Here's the lowdown of life:
WORK: Work sucks. Plain and simple. It's just full of disorganization and a severe lack of communication, which leads to inflated egos being bruised. (None more inflated than my own, I'll fess up). The good news is that the show is turning out to be a lot better than the dailies would lead me to believe, and while this is not exactly a show I'd force myself to sit down every week and watch, I wouldn't put it next to Chill Factor in my embarassing DVD shelf. And the directors are really cool folk, for the most part. Really cool people, and there's prime opportunity for a geek out coming next week with the director of the sixth episode.
(I'm not name dropping, for fear that some suits in head office might decide to GOOGLE their show, and suddenly my blog pops up, they see me trashing the show, then I get fired. Laugh all you want, I know a girl who got fired for that EXACT THING. Of course, she's a lot lazier than I am, and she spent all day on her MySpace blog bitching and moaning about her co-workers. I like my co-workers, at least.)
I will say this, though. I may have possibly turned a known director/writer into a Browncoat. Here's hoping. (And here's hoping he likes it enough to bring me back my copy of the flick).
SOCIAL LIFE: Non-existent. The girl doesn't call me anymore. It's horible, and the more time I dwell on it, the worse it gets, so I try to think about baseball instead.
(That sadly doesn't mean I've given up hope on her. Just that I finally have the Mets to get me through this time. Goddamn, they are kickin some ass this summer).
SCREENWRITING CAREER: Still non existent as well, but there's more progress (and hope) this time around. I have three scripts out there (two of which are collaborations, and one of those I have given to several readers of this site who I would appreciate feedback from.. hint hint). Hopefully they'll get out there and be seen and that will help lead to other things. I have about 5 other scripts in various stages right now, some in little notes in numerous notebooks, some actual script pages, some just a thread in my mind. I want to finish at least two of the these by the end of the year. I'm trying to get one of those progress bars to share with you how they are coming along. I'm still putting together all the fun stuff. Maybe I'll talk more about the writing process on each one, because I like mixing it up each time I write.
LA TRENDS: Finally deciding that my weight was getting in the way of certain things (like breathing and getting out of tight situations) I foolishly listened to ye old roomie Dan (he of DanSpeak, of which he's had some choice gems of late) and decided to begin the Master Cleanse. Ostensibly it's a good plan. You fast for ten days (or five days, or 14 days, however long you want) and you consume nothing but this concoction derived from lemons, water, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. You calculate your weight, and how much you need to drink in a day. For me, it's a lot. about 150oz of this stuff a day. Luckily, it tastes alright. And it's kind of fun to make. But let me tell you right now, you want food. Any food. ANY!
I'm on day 3 of a 10 day jaunt, and yesterday was pretty bad, as I was prone to seeing things. (The "Dude battles a bee in his car" incident was choice material). But today is working out a little better. I still dream of steaks, and any time Red Lobster has a commercial, I throw something at my television. I might only last the five days, but if I make it to five, I may say, why not go for seven. Then if the seventh day is alright, what's three more days at that point?
The whole purpose of this torturous procedure is to clean out my entire system of wastes that have accumulated over 27 years of life. It's also supposed to help me lose some weight, amd fast, what with prom season right around the corner. I gotta fit in that dress somehow. But seriously, it sounds trendy, but it allows me one more thing to yell at Dan about. (Cigarette quitting was to occur at the same time, but after repeatedly threatening a (possibly non-existent) squirrel, I thought quitting smoking can wait until master cleanse is complete. I realize that I'm just adding more impurities by smoking, but I smoke a lot less now anyway. And it was much needed for the safety of those around me.
That's about all I have at the moment. Gonna have some Tweeners for you all soon, so you can lambast my opinions.
One last thing, though. I have a link for some truly awesome news in the world of Asian Cinema.
Here's the lowdown of life:
WORK: Work sucks. Plain and simple. It's just full of disorganization and a severe lack of communication, which leads to inflated egos being bruised. (None more inflated than my own, I'll fess up). The good news is that the show is turning out to be a lot better than the dailies would lead me to believe, and while this is not exactly a show I'd force myself to sit down every week and watch, I wouldn't put it next to Chill Factor in my embarassing DVD shelf. And the directors are really cool folk, for the most part. Really cool people, and there's prime opportunity for a geek out coming next week with the director of the sixth episode.
(I'm not name dropping, for fear that some suits in head office might decide to GOOGLE their show, and suddenly my blog pops up, they see me trashing the show, then I get fired. Laugh all you want, I know a girl who got fired for that EXACT THING. Of course, she's a lot lazier than I am, and she spent all day on her MySpace blog bitching and moaning about her co-workers. I like my co-workers, at least.)
I will say this, though. I may have possibly turned a known director/writer into a Browncoat. Here's hoping. (And here's hoping he likes it enough to bring me back my copy of the flick).
SOCIAL LIFE: Non-existent. The girl doesn't call me anymore. It's horible, and the more time I dwell on it, the worse it gets, so I try to think about baseball instead.
(That sadly doesn't mean I've given up hope on her. Just that I finally have the Mets to get me through this time. Goddamn, they are kickin some ass this summer).
SCREENWRITING CAREER: Still non existent as well, but there's more progress (and hope) this time around. I have three scripts out there (two of which are collaborations, and one of those I have given to several readers of this site who I would appreciate feedback from.. hint hint). Hopefully they'll get out there and be seen and that will help lead to other things. I have about 5 other scripts in various stages right now, some in little notes in numerous notebooks, some actual script pages, some just a thread in my mind. I want to finish at least two of the these by the end of the year. I'm trying to get one of those progress bars to share with you how they are coming along. I'm still putting together all the fun stuff. Maybe I'll talk more about the writing process on each one, because I like mixing it up each time I write.
LA TRENDS: Finally deciding that my weight was getting in the way of certain things (like breathing and getting out of tight situations) I foolishly listened to ye old roomie Dan (he of DanSpeak, of which he's had some choice gems of late) and decided to begin the Master Cleanse. Ostensibly it's a good plan. You fast for ten days (or five days, or 14 days, however long you want) and you consume nothing but this concoction derived from lemons, water, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. You calculate your weight, and how much you need to drink in a day. For me, it's a lot. about 150oz of this stuff a day. Luckily, it tastes alright. And it's kind of fun to make. But let me tell you right now, you want food. Any food. ANY!
I'm on day 3 of a 10 day jaunt, and yesterday was pretty bad, as I was prone to seeing things. (The "Dude battles a bee in his car" incident was choice material). But today is working out a little better. I still dream of steaks, and any time Red Lobster has a commercial, I throw something at my television. I might only last the five days, but if I make it to five, I may say, why not go for seven. Then if the seventh day is alright, what's three more days at that point?
The whole purpose of this torturous procedure is to clean out my entire system of wastes that have accumulated over 27 years of life. It's also supposed to help me lose some weight, amd fast, what with prom season right around the corner. I gotta fit in that dress somehow. But seriously, it sounds trendy, but it allows me one more thing to yell at Dan about. (Cigarette quitting was to occur at the same time, but after repeatedly threatening a (possibly non-existent) squirrel, I thought quitting smoking can wait until master cleanse is complete. I realize that I'm just adding more impurities by smoking, but I smoke a lot less now anyway. And it was much needed for the safety of those around me.
That's about all I have at the moment. Gonna have some Tweeners for you all soon, so you can lambast my opinions.
One last thing, though. I have a link for some truly awesome news in the world of Asian Cinema.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Because I love embedding stupid crap into my blog posts
I seriously enjoy it. It will never get old. And you all get to see these things, and I get off the hook for a little bit for not actually WRITING anything. I'm seein Pirates tonight, there will be stuff up tomorrow, depending on how much I wind up liking it).
In the meantime....
From the people who brought us "Brokeback To The Future" comes...
X-Men: The Last Standing Ovation
In the meantime....
From the people who brought us "Brokeback To The Future" comes...
X-Men: The Last Standing Ovation
Monday, July 10, 2006
Because it's funny, and because I hate the term "emo"
I found this great little video awhile ago. I'm going to try and get it to work on here, but you know me and my failings. But this encapsulates about a third of my arguement against MySpace, which I shall get into at another, more appropriate time.
Here's hoping it makes you laugh. If not, then go to "How To Write Scripts. Badly" and re-read the Rapebear posts. I pee myself laughing every time.
By the way, it being laundry day yesterday, and knowing that a certain young lady wasn't going to call me back or hang out with me at all, I felt I could successfully wear my Rapebear shirt with pride. And dammit I did.
I must be emo.
Here's hoping it makes you laugh. If not, then go to "How To Write Scripts. Badly" and re-read the Rapebear posts. I pee myself laughing every time.
By the way, it being laundry day yesterday, and knowing that a certain young lady wasn't going to call me back or hang out with me at all, I felt I could successfully wear my Rapebear shirt with pride. And dammit I did.
I must be emo.
A Scanner Darkly - reposted review
I saw that A Scanner Darkly opened up in a few cities this weekend, and should be opening more in the upcoming weeks.
I saw the film back in December, after a shitty day. And I'm a huge Richard Linklater fan, so I am biased. And I met him afterwards, which was a thrill and a half. I digress. In honor of the film finally being released, I decided to repost (instead of write anew because I'm lazy) the review I had written. I'm sure things have changed since I saw it, but I really did love it. In fact, I believe I put it on my list of top ten flicks from 2005.
Here goes, enjoy:
*************************************************************
So, I come home right after seeing Kong, and I'm checking the email, when what do I see but an invitation to a test screening of Richard Linklater's A Scanner Darkly. Hells yes, I am going. I am an unabashed Richard Linklater fan, and I was curious as hell to see how he'd adapt Philip K Dick's futuristic tale of drugs and the men responsible for maintaining the law with these drugs. I knew Linklater was doing it in the same animated rotoscoping form he used with Waking Life, which intrigued me even more. I could not wait to see this movie, and a chance to see it, even if it's not completely finished yet, was something I would not pass up on.
And I'm glad I didn't. A Scanner Darkly delivers. At least, it delivered up to my expectations. They may be very high expectations, though, I realize. It is a dense movie, that is not going to be easy to understand in one viewing. Even I'm not 100% sure about what happened. (Not as bad as with Syriana, though).
Here's the basic story: In the near future (eight years or so, if I remember correctly), in Orange County, California, there is a substance that is sweeping the area called Substance D. Undercover narcotics agent FRED is trying to infiltrate the confidence of a dealer named Bob Arctor. Bob Arctor is a dealer as well as a user of the D. He lives in a crazy home, sharing space with users Barris (Robert Downey Jr) and Luckman (Woody Harrelson). He casually dates coke whore Donna (Winona Ryder), and is occasionally visited by Freck (Rory Cochrane), who is so deep into the use of D, he constatnly sees aphids that aren't there, as well as other things. Oh, and Arctor is so heavy into the D himself, that he doesn't realize that he's also Fred, the agent pursuing him.
That's not really giving anything away. If you pick up a copy of the book, it tells you that right on the back. Fred's brain has split into two battling hemispheres that are constantly playing tricks on him. He's not exactly sure what is real, and what we witness is his degradation through this world. Paranoia sets in, big time. I won;t tell you where the story ends up, but it is definitely not what you'd expect. Thankfully, it's also not a mindless ending, or an ending that's changed to entice masses, like most of Dick's work.
Now, the film looks gorgeous. As I mentioned, it's the rotoscope process used in Waking Life, where the action was shot with the live actors on digital video, and then animators painstakingly draw over every frame into this crazy stylized hyper real world. Some found that to be irritating in Waking Life, but I enjoyed it. It was something new and exciting visually. A Scanner Darkly ups the ante, because the animation remains, for the most part, consistent, as opposed to different styles throughout Waking Life. The important thing is, it looks great. An important plot device is a suit that constantly changes it's appearances, so as if to blend into a crowd with hundreds of different parts flashing. I can't describe it, and if this movie were done live action, it would look impossibly fake. But here, it works with the environments, and it's awesome to see.
The scanner referred to in the title are the surveillance devices installed to spy on citizens. the same scanner Fred uses to watch Bob Arctor and his insane friends' ramblings and paranoid delusions. These scenes are highly animated, from both visual look, and from the actors within.
The acting works perfectly, by the way. Keanu does confused well. But he looks badass, and is quite fitting. Downey and Harrelson steal the show with incredibly animated characters. Who never shut up. There's a scene where Downey creates a silencer for his pistol that has to be seen. He's really good in this. Reminds me of Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys. (More on that later). And he and Harrelson act off each other wonderfully. Winona Ryder is good as well. (Funny to note how all these actors have been associated with drugs and trouble making throughout their careers, and here they all are turning in outstanding work). And Rory Cochrane, who you might remember from Linklater's Dazed and Confused as the stoner Slater ("check ya later"), is awesome as Freck. He's far too gone to make any kind of sense, who are usually the people who make the most amount of sense at the end. But he has this fantastic scene where, well, I'm not gonna say how he got there, but i will tell you it ends with a thousand eyed alien reading a list of his sins. It's gotta be seen to be believed. But he pulls it off well.
Linklater has worked wonders. You can tell he really wanted to tell this story in a visual way. And the ending of the big is kind of hard to pull off, but he managed to do it. Kudos. But there's never a doubt in my mind that he's in charge, and showing u what we need to see. It's very exciting filmmaking.
Since it was a test screening, I realize that it might change when it's released theatrically. I hope it doesn't. (Although, I would like to hear a new Radiohead score, if that rumor turns out to be true. The temp score had some good Radiohead Kid A and beyond songs scattered throughout, and that worked nicely, but an all new score would kick an obscene amount of ass). It's a tough movie to understand, and I definitely want to see it again, but I feel that general audiences would probably not appreciate it all too much. I realize that sounds kind of elitist, but I have a feeling that most people won't like it. I am not one of those people, and I loved this movie.
I actually ran into Linklater after the screening. This was kind of a trip for me (as I was still disoriented after the movie), but I managed to get myself together, shake his hand, and express what a fan I am, and how cool it was to meet him. We spoke a little about the movie, and he seemed kind of nervous about the test screening process. I agreed with him, and felt that marketing this will be a very hard sell. And it will be a hard sell, but I know this movie has a fair amount of movie lovers looking forward to it. I tell you, it's worth it. In hindsight, I should have asked him if I could buy him a beer after the whole studio process was done with, but I barely held it together as is. If he reads this, Mr. Linklater, I'm a huge fan, I loved the movie, and if you're ever back in town, I'll buy you that beer.
(Also, in hindsight, I should have asked him about the Radiohead score rumor, but still, it was an honor to meet one of my heroes/role models).
On the sheet of paper they made me fill out after viewing the movie, it asked "does this movie remind you of any other movies?" I totally drew a blank while responding, but I had some time to think about it, and I came up with two. 12 Monkeys and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I realize they're both Terry Gilliam films, and this movie is as close to Gilliam as Linklater will get. It has that aura of paranoia, wrapped around drugs, filled with crazy performances, topped with damn fine visuals. They're same in tone, mostly. If you like interesting films, then I can't recommend this movie enough. When it comes out in March, I suggest you go see it opening weekend, or the very first chance you get. Unique, challenging, and a feast for the eyes, this is a movie for your brain.
I saw the film back in December, after a shitty day. And I'm a huge Richard Linklater fan, so I am biased. And I met him afterwards, which was a thrill and a half. I digress. In honor of the film finally being released, I decided to repost (instead of write anew because I'm lazy) the review I had written. I'm sure things have changed since I saw it, but I really did love it. In fact, I believe I put it on my list of top ten flicks from 2005.
Here goes, enjoy:
*************************************************************
So, I come home right after seeing Kong, and I'm checking the email, when what do I see but an invitation to a test screening of Richard Linklater's A Scanner Darkly. Hells yes, I am going. I am an unabashed Richard Linklater fan, and I was curious as hell to see how he'd adapt Philip K Dick's futuristic tale of drugs and the men responsible for maintaining the law with these drugs. I knew Linklater was doing it in the same animated rotoscoping form he used with Waking Life, which intrigued me even more. I could not wait to see this movie, and a chance to see it, even if it's not completely finished yet, was something I would not pass up on.
And I'm glad I didn't. A Scanner Darkly delivers. At least, it delivered up to my expectations. They may be very high expectations, though, I realize. It is a dense movie, that is not going to be easy to understand in one viewing. Even I'm not 100% sure about what happened. (Not as bad as with Syriana, though).
Here's the basic story: In the near future (eight years or so, if I remember correctly), in Orange County, California, there is a substance that is sweeping the area called Substance D. Undercover narcotics agent FRED is trying to infiltrate the confidence of a dealer named Bob Arctor. Bob Arctor is a dealer as well as a user of the D. He lives in a crazy home, sharing space with users Barris (Robert Downey Jr) and Luckman (Woody Harrelson). He casually dates coke whore Donna (Winona Ryder), and is occasionally visited by Freck (Rory Cochrane), who is so deep into the use of D, he constatnly sees aphids that aren't there, as well as other things. Oh, and Arctor is so heavy into the D himself, that he doesn't realize that he's also Fred, the agent pursuing him.
That's not really giving anything away. If you pick up a copy of the book, it tells you that right on the back. Fred's brain has split into two battling hemispheres that are constantly playing tricks on him. He's not exactly sure what is real, and what we witness is his degradation through this world. Paranoia sets in, big time. I won;t tell you where the story ends up, but it is definitely not what you'd expect. Thankfully, it's also not a mindless ending, or an ending that's changed to entice masses, like most of Dick's work.
Now, the film looks gorgeous. As I mentioned, it's the rotoscope process used in Waking Life, where the action was shot with the live actors on digital video, and then animators painstakingly draw over every frame into this crazy stylized hyper real world. Some found that to be irritating in Waking Life, but I enjoyed it. It was something new and exciting visually. A Scanner Darkly ups the ante, because the animation remains, for the most part, consistent, as opposed to different styles throughout Waking Life. The important thing is, it looks great. An important plot device is a suit that constantly changes it's appearances, so as if to blend into a crowd with hundreds of different parts flashing. I can't describe it, and if this movie were done live action, it would look impossibly fake. But here, it works with the environments, and it's awesome to see.
The scanner referred to in the title are the surveillance devices installed to spy on citizens. the same scanner Fred uses to watch Bob Arctor and his insane friends' ramblings and paranoid delusions. These scenes are highly animated, from both visual look, and from the actors within.
The acting works perfectly, by the way. Keanu does confused well. But he looks badass, and is quite fitting. Downey and Harrelson steal the show with incredibly animated characters. Who never shut up. There's a scene where Downey creates a silencer for his pistol that has to be seen. He's really good in this. Reminds me of Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys. (More on that later). And he and Harrelson act off each other wonderfully. Winona Ryder is good as well. (Funny to note how all these actors have been associated with drugs and trouble making throughout their careers, and here they all are turning in outstanding work). And Rory Cochrane, who you might remember from Linklater's Dazed and Confused as the stoner Slater ("check ya later"), is awesome as Freck. He's far too gone to make any kind of sense, who are usually the people who make the most amount of sense at the end. But he has this fantastic scene where, well, I'm not gonna say how he got there, but i will tell you it ends with a thousand eyed alien reading a list of his sins. It's gotta be seen to be believed. But he pulls it off well.
Linklater has worked wonders. You can tell he really wanted to tell this story in a visual way. And the ending of the big is kind of hard to pull off, but he managed to do it. Kudos. But there's never a doubt in my mind that he's in charge, and showing u what we need to see. It's very exciting filmmaking.
Since it was a test screening, I realize that it might change when it's released theatrically. I hope it doesn't. (Although, I would like to hear a new Radiohead score, if that rumor turns out to be true. The temp score had some good Radiohead Kid A and beyond songs scattered throughout, and that worked nicely, but an all new score would kick an obscene amount of ass). It's a tough movie to understand, and I definitely want to see it again, but I feel that general audiences would probably not appreciate it all too much. I realize that sounds kind of elitist, but I have a feeling that most people won't like it. I am not one of those people, and I loved this movie.
I actually ran into Linklater after the screening. This was kind of a trip for me (as I was still disoriented after the movie), but I managed to get myself together, shake his hand, and express what a fan I am, and how cool it was to meet him. We spoke a little about the movie, and he seemed kind of nervous about the test screening process. I agreed with him, and felt that marketing this will be a very hard sell. And it will be a hard sell, but I know this movie has a fair amount of movie lovers looking forward to it. I tell you, it's worth it. In hindsight, I should have asked him if I could buy him a beer after the whole studio process was done with, but I barely held it together as is. If he reads this, Mr. Linklater, I'm a huge fan, I loved the movie, and if you're ever back in town, I'll buy you that beer.
(Also, in hindsight, I should have asked him about the Radiohead score rumor, but still, it was an honor to meet one of my heroes/role models).
On the sheet of paper they made me fill out after viewing the movie, it asked "does this movie remind you of any other movies?" I totally drew a blank while responding, but I had some time to think about it, and I came up with two. 12 Monkeys and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I realize they're both Terry Gilliam films, and this movie is as close to Gilliam as Linklater will get. It has that aura of paranoia, wrapped around drugs, filled with crazy performances, topped with damn fine visuals. They're same in tone, mostly. If you like interesting films, then I can't recommend this movie enough. When it comes out in March, I suggest you go see it opening weekend, or the very first chance you get. Unique, challenging, and a feast for the eyes, this is a movie for your brain.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Does anyone like "Crash"?
And not the weird Daivd Cronenberg one where people have sex after car crashes. (Which was on the TV one time in the background while I was having sex and it kind of freaked me out).
(Yes, I felt you needed to know that) .
I speak of the one that robbed The Devil's Rejects of the Best Picture Academy Award this year. The movie that is pretty good, but is a little overly simplified. But the acting's pretty damn fine in it. Even though it subscribes to the "Philadelphia" school of discrimination.
Anyway, I was trolling through the "interweb", which they now have on computers, and I came across this very funny summing up of Crash.
Simplistic? Most definitely. But spot on.
Check out some of those other scripts this guy has dutifully summed up for our convenience. I remember the Phantom Menace script written awhile ago. the best character was Samuel L. Jackson.
(Yes, I felt you needed to know that) .
I speak of the one that robbed The Devil's Rejects of the Best Picture Academy Award this year. The movie that is pretty good, but is a little overly simplified. But the acting's pretty damn fine in it. Even though it subscribes to the "Philadelphia" school of discrimination.
Anyway, I was trolling through the "interweb", which they now have on computers, and I came across this very funny summing up of Crash.
Simplistic? Most definitely. But spot on.
Check out some of those other scripts this guy has dutifully summed up for our convenience. I remember the Phantom Menace script written awhile ago. the best character was Samuel L. Jackson.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Monday, July 03, 2006
Superman Returns... (too many stupid ways to end that sentence)
The biggest mistake the projectionist at the Burbank AMC 16 did when he put Superman Returns together that fateful evening was to put the Spiderman 3 trailer as the last thing you see before the feature presentation. If it wasn't for that, I might have been a bit more forgiving. But let's face facts: I'm a Spiderman-man, not a Superman... man.
Man.
Superman Returns is a really good movie, but it's not a great movie. It doesn't provide more than a requisite number of thrills and some emotional splattering around the rim. (Wow, there's a blurb and a half). When compared to what we as fanboys have been exposed to of late with the Spiderman films, Batman Begins, and even Singer's own X2, Superman kind of feels like a more competent version of Daredevil. At least on par with Hulk.
I'm coming off more negative because more time has passed between when I saw it and when I'm writing this. I've had some time to think about it, and I have some problems with the flick. It doesn't mean that some of the action scenes aren't truly mind blowing, nor does it mean I'm not gonna see the movie again on the 3-D IMAX screen, because that would be a pretty damn cool way to see this movie. It's just that I have a lot of problems with the film that prevent me from liking it more, which is something I really wanted to do.
Where to begin...
Let's start with the good things about the flick, which there are many. I liked the acting from Brandon Routh, taking on a mighty big role with little experience in the field. He plays both Clark and Supes well, and I believed him in both roles. He was a damn good find, although I think I might be in the minority on this one. For what it's worth, I really liked him. Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor was fine, if a little slight. (More on this in the negatives). Still, he wasn't playing the role as a lark, and truly believed in the evil of Luthor. (Best moment is in the very beginning with the pen). Parker Posey was really good as Luthor's flunky, and she kind of made me wish that she was playing Lois Lane instead. Frank Langella was alright as Perry White, but I guess nobody's gonna beat J.K. Simmons in Spiderman as the newspaper chief from hell. White is actually... a nice guy. Weird. Oh, and James Marsden (Remember him as Cyclops? It took me awhile) as Lois' boyfriend is a nice guy, which is a change of pace for these roles. He's not weak, and seems like any normal guy who's a little jealous of his girlfriend's past boyfriend. Regardless that it was Superman or not. (Although, that can't be too good for the ego).
All the acting was good, if a bit glum. Ebert was right when he talks about how joyless everyone seems, but I think in a world without Superman, we would be kind of melancholy. Just a thought.
There's also a fair amount of scenes with no dialogue, where the pictures tell the story. Long stretches where nobody will speak. I barely remember Superman speaking at all. But for some reason, this worked for me. I show much respect and appreciation for these scenes. Along with the crowd I saw the film with, who sat silently and appreciated, instead of giggling nervously. Or talking on their cell phones.
The special effects are also, top notch. The scene where Superman does indeed return features an amazing sequence involving an airplane AND a spaceship. Only in my dreams do the two collide. (Although, the plane could have used some snakes on it for good measure)
It's a damn impressive sequence, and one that gets the heart pumping for more. For that matter, the opening credits were top notch as well. An updating of the original Superman movies' credit sequences puts you in the mood for something kind of special. It's a technically well made movie, even if it does suffer from King Kong-itis, where fifteen shots are used when five would suffice. Still, it's a damn pretty picture, mostly. (Some HD stuff is a little "foggy")
However, those sequences and the actors can only take you so far, as the kind of weak script takes a lot of wind out of the sails.
(I'm gonna get into some spoiler territory here, so if you don't want to know ANYTHING about the movie, I advise you to stop reading.)
Seriously. There's a great post later on about Snakes on a Plane.
Okay.
Let's begin with Lex Luthor's plan. It's really not a very good plan. It's not well thought out, and he would sort of achieve the same results if he, say, destroyed a levee and flooded an entire city. You know, like the president did. (ZING!). Overall, it was kind of weak, and in this day and age of super villains coming up with grandiose plots to destroy humanity (For God's sake, Magneto moved the GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE for his attack), this one seems tame. What's Lex going to do, sit on a rock and wait years for someone to fall into his brilliant real estate scheme? Not very good. Sure, it's probably an afterthought, seeing as how the movie is more concerned with "serious" matters like Superman's "feelings" but at least throw us a bone.
Next problem: Lois Lane. I understand that she's a spelling challenged reporter, and that there is spell check. Hell, search this article and you'll see TONS of them. But I'm not a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, and there's no excuse for a PULITZER PRIZE WINNING JOURNALIST to NOT know that catostrophic contains no "F"s. Come on! It doesn't help that I didn't care for Kate Bosworth's portrayal of Lois. She's kind of bland, and makes a lot of stupid choices throughout the film. It kind of feels like watching a high school student in a play version of Superman. She looks nice, sure, but she's not Lois Lane. Just like I was no Nathan Detroit*. Did not care for the performance, nor the character.
Let's see, what else? Oh, right, the last fifteen minutes of the movie. Dreadful. I understand that Superman would be weakened lifting a giant rock full of kryptonite and hurling it into space. I understand that he'd have a great fall to Earth. What I do not understand is the rationale behind people TAKING HIM TO THE FREAKIN' HOSPITAL! He's SUPERMAN. Earth medicines will have no effect. And how the hell are they going to put him in the hospital standard garb? And why, since he's laying there in bed, will no one (Especially Lois) realize that he does indeed kinda look like Clark Kent?
Then, when he finally recovers and flies off into the night (for which I thought to myself, who is the hospital going to bill for his useless stay?) and goes to Lois' house and talks to... his child. Yes indeed, Supes and Lois had a kid. the kid's about 5 years old. About the time that Supes has been gone. Making Superman the ultimate spokesperson for Deadbeat Dads everywhere! He says some weird things a father might say to the son he just found out he had, but nothing that makes a whole lot of sense. It's prolonged, and at this point, we've sat through two and a half hours of movie. Just end the damn thing.Show us Superman flying over Earth, looking at the camera, and roll the credits!
Which eventually happens. Still, we have to contend with the possibility that they're going to add a child to the franchise of Superman, and if The Mummy Returns taught us anything, this is never a good idea.
And since I'm griping, I have one more. It might seem like nitpicking, but this is something that has been bothering me since the original Superman movies. superman lives and works in Metropolis, mostly. I get this. But why hide the fact that it's New York City? It's foolish, and annoying. Just call it New York. If you call it New York, you can have Spiderman swoop down and save Superman on that great plummet to Earth. (Which, I admit, I kind of half expected him to do, because my mind was wandering).
All these negatives I have about the film came after extensive thought about the film. The film does work, and it's a lot of fun, provided you can get past these issues, which I did, but still feel the need to complain about, because quite frankly, I can. It's not a waste of time at all, far from it. But it could have used a little more work. And given that it took 19 years to get it here, we could have waited the few extra months and been alright.
*Full disclosure: I indeed WAS no Nathan Detroit, beccause I didn't portray Nathan Detroit. Nor anyone in the cast of Guys and Dolls. I ran lights. Both times.
Man.
Superman Returns is a really good movie, but it's not a great movie. It doesn't provide more than a requisite number of thrills and some emotional splattering around the rim. (Wow, there's a blurb and a half). When compared to what we as fanboys have been exposed to of late with the Spiderman films, Batman Begins, and even Singer's own X2, Superman kind of feels like a more competent version of Daredevil. At least on par with Hulk.
I'm coming off more negative because more time has passed between when I saw it and when I'm writing this. I've had some time to think about it, and I have some problems with the flick. It doesn't mean that some of the action scenes aren't truly mind blowing, nor does it mean I'm not gonna see the movie again on the 3-D IMAX screen, because that would be a pretty damn cool way to see this movie. It's just that I have a lot of problems with the film that prevent me from liking it more, which is something I really wanted to do.
Where to begin...
Let's start with the good things about the flick, which there are many. I liked the acting from Brandon Routh, taking on a mighty big role with little experience in the field. He plays both Clark and Supes well, and I believed him in both roles. He was a damn good find, although I think I might be in the minority on this one. For what it's worth, I really liked him. Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor was fine, if a little slight. (More on this in the negatives). Still, he wasn't playing the role as a lark, and truly believed in the evil of Luthor. (Best moment is in the very beginning with the pen). Parker Posey was really good as Luthor's flunky, and she kind of made me wish that she was playing Lois Lane instead. Frank Langella was alright as Perry White, but I guess nobody's gonna beat J.K. Simmons in Spiderman as the newspaper chief from hell. White is actually... a nice guy. Weird. Oh, and James Marsden (Remember him as Cyclops? It took me awhile) as Lois' boyfriend is a nice guy, which is a change of pace for these roles. He's not weak, and seems like any normal guy who's a little jealous of his girlfriend's past boyfriend. Regardless that it was Superman or not. (Although, that can't be too good for the ego).
All the acting was good, if a bit glum. Ebert was right when he talks about how joyless everyone seems, but I think in a world without Superman, we would be kind of melancholy. Just a thought.
There's also a fair amount of scenes with no dialogue, where the pictures tell the story. Long stretches where nobody will speak. I barely remember Superman speaking at all. But for some reason, this worked for me. I show much respect and appreciation for these scenes. Along with the crowd I saw the film with, who sat silently and appreciated, instead of giggling nervously. Or talking on their cell phones.
The special effects are also, top notch. The scene where Superman does indeed return features an amazing sequence involving an airplane AND a spaceship. Only in my dreams do the two collide. (Although, the plane could have used some snakes on it for good measure)
It's a damn impressive sequence, and one that gets the heart pumping for more. For that matter, the opening credits were top notch as well. An updating of the original Superman movies' credit sequences puts you in the mood for something kind of special. It's a technically well made movie, even if it does suffer from King Kong-itis, where fifteen shots are used when five would suffice. Still, it's a damn pretty picture, mostly. (Some HD stuff is a little "foggy")
However, those sequences and the actors can only take you so far, as the kind of weak script takes a lot of wind out of the sails.
(I'm gonna get into some spoiler territory here, so if you don't want to know ANYTHING about the movie, I advise you to stop reading.)
Seriously. There's a great post later on about Snakes on a Plane.
Okay.
Let's begin with Lex Luthor's plan. It's really not a very good plan. It's not well thought out, and he would sort of achieve the same results if he, say, destroyed a levee and flooded an entire city. You know, like the president did. (ZING!). Overall, it was kind of weak, and in this day and age of super villains coming up with grandiose plots to destroy humanity (For God's sake, Magneto moved the GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE for his attack), this one seems tame. What's Lex going to do, sit on a rock and wait years for someone to fall into his brilliant real estate scheme? Not very good. Sure, it's probably an afterthought, seeing as how the movie is more concerned with "serious" matters like Superman's "feelings" but at least throw us a bone.
Next problem: Lois Lane. I understand that she's a spelling challenged reporter, and that there is spell check. Hell, search this article and you'll see TONS of them. But I'm not a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, and there's no excuse for a PULITZER PRIZE WINNING JOURNALIST to NOT know that catostrophic contains no "F"s. Come on! It doesn't help that I didn't care for Kate Bosworth's portrayal of Lois. She's kind of bland, and makes a lot of stupid choices throughout the film. It kind of feels like watching a high school student in a play version of Superman. She looks nice, sure, but she's not Lois Lane. Just like I was no Nathan Detroit*. Did not care for the performance, nor the character.
Let's see, what else? Oh, right, the last fifteen minutes of the movie. Dreadful. I understand that Superman would be weakened lifting a giant rock full of kryptonite and hurling it into space. I understand that he'd have a great fall to Earth. What I do not understand is the rationale behind people TAKING HIM TO THE FREAKIN' HOSPITAL! He's SUPERMAN. Earth medicines will have no effect. And how the hell are they going to put him in the hospital standard garb? And why, since he's laying there in bed, will no one (Especially Lois) realize that he does indeed kinda look like Clark Kent?
Then, when he finally recovers and flies off into the night (for which I thought to myself, who is the hospital going to bill for his useless stay?) and goes to Lois' house and talks to... his child. Yes indeed, Supes and Lois had a kid. the kid's about 5 years old. About the time that Supes has been gone. Making Superman the ultimate spokesperson for Deadbeat Dads everywhere! He says some weird things a father might say to the son he just found out he had, but nothing that makes a whole lot of sense. It's prolonged, and at this point, we've sat through two and a half hours of movie. Just end the damn thing.Show us Superman flying over Earth, looking at the camera, and roll the credits!
Which eventually happens. Still, we have to contend with the possibility that they're going to add a child to the franchise of Superman, and if The Mummy Returns taught us anything, this is never a good idea.
And since I'm griping, I have one more. It might seem like nitpicking, but this is something that has been bothering me since the original Superman movies. superman lives and works in Metropolis, mostly. I get this. But why hide the fact that it's New York City? It's foolish, and annoying. Just call it New York. If you call it New York, you can have Spiderman swoop down and save Superman on that great plummet to Earth. (Which, I admit, I kind of half expected him to do, because my mind was wandering).
All these negatives I have about the film came after extensive thought about the film. The film does work, and it's a lot of fun, provided you can get past these issues, which I did, but still feel the need to complain about, because quite frankly, I can. It's not a waste of time at all, far from it. But it could have used a little more work. And given that it took 19 years to get it here, we could have waited the few extra months and been alright.
*Full disclosure: I indeed WAS no Nathan Detroit, beccause I didn't portray Nathan Detroit. Nor anyone in the cast of Guys and Dolls. I ran lights. Both times.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
I'm a Pierce!
Your results:
You are Pierce Brosnan
Click here to take the James Bond Personality Test
You are Pierce Brosnan
| Very smooth and charming. Sometimes angry and rebellious, the fifth actor to play James Bond in a movie proved to be witty and mysterious. |
Click here to take the James Bond Personality Test
Goddamn, they did it again
That's right. I'm a dork. I often try to trap spiders in the hopes that one day, the proper one will bite me and I'll be able to attain the same powersd as Peter Parker.
And while my delusional fantasy world often comes crumbling around me (sadly, too often) I can take comfort in knowing that Sam Raimi and his dilligent crew are hard at work entertaining me in an experience that's as close to being Spiderman as I will get.
(For now)
Behold, the new teaser for Spiderman 3. I wet my pants with glee.
And because I had too much iced tea.
And while my delusional fantasy world often comes crumbling around me (sadly, too often) I can take comfort in knowing that Sam Raimi and his dilligent crew are hard at work entertaining me in an experience that's as close to being Spiderman as I will get.
(For now)
Behold, the new teaser for Spiderman 3. I wet my pants with glee.
And because I had too much iced tea.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Another distraction from your daily life
Monday, June 19, 2006
Hey kids.... the return of TWEENERS!!!!
Yes indeed, a return to the movies that have long since past their usefulness for my reviews. But that doesn't stop me. Here you go, kids, several tweener reviews for flicks that have already come out. some are even out of the theaters by this point, but can still be caught at the local $2 theater, which is how I wind up seeing them. Here we go:
V For Vendetta: I realize this is long gone from theaters, but I promised a certain lad named Brady that I'd write up my opinion. Unfortunately, I've smoked so much hash that I don't remember all that much about it. I do remember it looked gorgeous, and I had a really good time at it. I remember my then girlfriend LOVING it. There were cool scenes of actions. And Hugo Weaving in a mask was a lot more compelling than you'd think. I remember thinking it could have used one more big action set piece, but then thinking that the marketing was all wrong, making me anticipate a big, Wachowski gun love affair, when the film is a political discourse. Still, quite a decent flick and worth seeing if you haven't already done so.
Lucky Number Slevin: It has the most over-elaborate revenge plot since Oldboy, but damn is it fun. Kind of a throwback to the late 90s, when Tarantino rip-offs were all the rage. Still, there's no denying it was a fun time. I like Josh Hartnett, and damn if he doesn't do a good job in this. Bruce Willis, equally as good. Morgan Freeman and Ben Kingsley as rival mob lords living directly across from each other. I liked the world the film painted, and I had a damn fine time. Like I said, the plot is ludicrous, but that doesn't matter. It's a worthwhile use of time, certainly much better than most flicks I've caught this year.
Friends With Money: One of the more surprising little flicks to come around, I wound up enjoying this too. It's simple, four female friends who don't revolve their lives around the belief that they live in an episode of Sex and the City, talk about life and such. One of them, Jennifer Aniston, doesn't have as much money as the rest, and spends her days as a maid. And a pothead. Joan Cusack, Frances McDormand and Catherine Keener play aforementioned friends with money. Of them all, Frances McDormand is the best, as her character has a lot that I can relate to. (Without giving too much away, she feels that manners are lost in the world, and she hates the degradation of society et al. She's the funniest and the most real. But then, I don't agree with her not showering). What worked for me was that the flick doesn't wrap up everything in a neat bow. It provides solutions for the characters, and then it's up to them. Still, the writing is clever and witty, and the whole thing is a lot of fun. A nice change of pace from movies where shit blows up and dudes have claws shooting out of their hands. (Coming up later)
The Benchwarmers: I saw this because someone read the "Band Script" I collaborated on, and they felt both movies were in a similar vein. Having seen Benchwarmers, I can attest that my movie is a lot better. Still, Benchwarmers is not without merit, and one of the better wastes of 85 minutes you're lucky to have until said Band script gets made. (Hopefully soon). Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Jon Heder do the idiot thing, and they do it really well. Jon Lovitz shows up as a billionaire dork, complete with a working robot and a bunch of stormtroopers in his house. (Of the Star Wars variety). The plot holds together, sadly, and the jokes are pretty damn funny. And the ending of the flick, I respect more than anything, because it's the only ending to a film like this that felt original and different. I couldn't believe it. I sat there and admired the hell out of the flick solely based on the ending. That and the fact that they had a dude say "I want a little man" referring to a midget on the field. Then someone hands the guy a midget. Genius.
M:I:3- As far as high octane, big summer releases go, this has been the one I've enjoyed the most. It needed to be released in mid June or July, though, when you can shut your brain off and enjoy air conditioning for two hours. Lots of explosions, exciting stunt work, a script that kind of makes sense, and for the first time, the feeling that the entire team was what solved the problem, not just Tom Cruise. In fact, Cruise is the weakest part of the flick. All the supporting characters are at the top of their game. Philip Seymour Hoffman was a good choice for the villain, the members of Cruise's team are pretty solid (the highlight being Simon Pegg as the tech guy who helps out. Whenever he came on screen, I became incredibly happy. Granted, I have an unnatural fascination with Shaun Of The Dead, but still). I liked the witty banter from Laurence Fishburne (his line about the Invisible Man takes a moment, but is one of the better throwaways I've heard). There was even one glaring moment in the script that I just hated, but was quickly distracted by an explosion to dwell on it for too long. It's by far the best of the franchise, even if it is an overglorified episode of Alias that finally got the budget to shoot in China instead of faking Burbank to meet the needs.
X-Men: The Last Stand- Disappointment, thy name is X3. Man, way to shit the bed of an awesome franchise. the thing is, I don't blame Brett Ratner. Well, not TOO much. He directs the action scenes really well, although none of them top the opening of X2. No, the problem is in introducing tons of new characters and doing nothing with them. Angel is completely useless and serves no function in the story whatsoever. Magneto's new henchmen are kind of interesting, but again, we barely even have any time to register a name before they're either killed off or forgotten. The whole Dark Phoenix thing was pretty lame. The Cure could have been interesting, but it wasn't used to it's potential. Characters are killed off for no good reason other than because people wouldn't expect it. (Although, when I heard characters were dying, I called out which ones, and I was right. Not to brag, but I DO rule). And Halle Berry. for a woman who bitched and moaned about this thing from day one, she finally got her wish to "do more", which judging by this film, means that she has more time on camera where she stands around reacting. Badly, I should add. But there were scenes that kicked a lot of ass. Like Magneto rescuing Mystique. That was a badass scene. And when Wolverine is in the woods, about to fight the Ewoks. I may have made that last part up. Still, it was a disappointing end to something that could have been unbelievably kick ass. And don't make Wolverine cry.
Idiots.
Alright, that's all I got from the Tweener file. I'll no doubt have more, as Silent Hill, Over The Hedge, and The Davinci Code are all playing at the $2 theater, and I don't mind paying for The DaVinci Code if it's only $2. Or if I sneak into it after something else. Then again, I could just about do anything else and I'd be a lot happier.
V For Vendetta: I realize this is long gone from theaters, but I promised a certain lad named Brady that I'd write up my opinion. Unfortunately, I've smoked so much hash that I don't remember all that much about it. I do remember it looked gorgeous, and I had a really good time at it. I remember my then girlfriend LOVING it. There were cool scenes of actions. And Hugo Weaving in a mask was a lot more compelling than you'd think. I remember thinking it could have used one more big action set piece, but then thinking that the marketing was all wrong, making me anticipate a big, Wachowski gun love affair, when the film is a political discourse. Still, quite a decent flick and worth seeing if you haven't already done so.
Lucky Number Slevin: It has the most over-elaborate revenge plot since Oldboy, but damn is it fun. Kind of a throwback to the late 90s, when Tarantino rip-offs were all the rage. Still, there's no denying it was a fun time. I like Josh Hartnett, and damn if he doesn't do a good job in this. Bruce Willis, equally as good. Morgan Freeman and Ben Kingsley as rival mob lords living directly across from each other. I liked the world the film painted, and I had a damn fine time. Like I said, the plot is ludicrous, but that doesn't matter. It's a worthwhile use of time, certainly much better than most flicks I've caught this year.
Friends With Money: One of the more surprising little flicks to come around, I wound up enjoying this too. It's simple, four female friends who don't revolve their lives around the belief that they live in an episode of Sex and the City, talk about life and such. One of them, Jennifer Aniston, doesn't have as much money as the rest, and spends her days as a maid. And a pothead. Joan Cusack, Frances McDormand and Catherine Keener play aforementioned friends with money. Of them all, Frances McDormand is the best, as her character has a lot that I can relate to. (Without giving too much away, she feels that manners are lost in the world, and she hates the degradation of society et al. She's the funniest and the most real. But then, I don't agree with her not showering). What worked for me was that the flick doesn't wrap up everything in a neat bow. It provides solutions for the characters, and then it's up to them. Still, the writing is clever and witty, and the whole thing is a lot of fun. A nice change of pace from movies where shit blows up and dudes have claws shooting out of their hands. (Coming up later)
The Benchwarmers: I saw this because someone read the "Band Script" I collaborated on, and they felt both movies were in a similar vein. Having seen Benchwarmers, I can attest that my movie is a lot better. Still, Benchwarmers is not without merit, and one of the better wastes of 85 minutes you're lucky to have until said Band script gets made. (Hopefully soon). Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Jon Heder do the idiot thing, and they do it really well. Jon Lovitz shows up as a billionaire dork, complete with a working robot and a bunch of stormtroopers in his house. (Of the Star Wars variety). The plot holds together, sadly, and the jokes are pretty damn funny. And the ending of the flick, I respect more than anything, because it's the only ending to a film like this that felt original and different. I couldn't believe it. I sat there and admired the hell out of the flick solely based on the ending. That and the fact that they had a dude say "I want a little man" referring to a midget on the field. Then someone hands the guy a midget. Genius.
M:I:3- As far as high octane, big summer releases go, this has been the one I've enjoyed the most. It needed to be released in mid June or July, though, when you can shut your brain off and enjoy air conditioning for two hours. Lots of explosions, exciting stunt work, a script that kind of makes sense, and for the first time, the feeling that the entire team was what solved the problem, not just Tom Cruise. In fact, Cruise is the weakest part of the flick. All the supporting characters are at the top of their game. Philip Seymour Hoffman was a good choice for the villain, the members of Cruise's team are pretty solid (the highlight being Simon Pegg as the tech guy who helps out. Whenever he came on screen, I became incredibly happy. Granted, I have an unnatural fascination with Shaun Of The Dead, but still). I liked the witty banter from Laurence Fishburne (his line about the Invisible Man takes a moment, but is one of the better throwaways I've heard). There was even one glaring moment in the script that I just hated, but was quickly distracted by an explosion to dwell on it for too long. It's by far the best of the franchise, even if it is an overglorified episode of Alias that finally got the budget to shoot in China instead of faking Burbank to meet the needs.
X-Men: The Last Stand- Disappointment, thy name is X3. Man, way to shit the bed of an awesome franchise. the thing is, I don't blame Brett Ratner. Well, not TOO much. He directs the action scenes really well, although none of them top the opening of X2. No, the problem is in introducing tons of new characters and doing nothing with them. Angel is completely useless and serves no function in the story whatsoever. Magneto's new henchmen are kind of interesting, but again, we barely even have any time to register a name before they're either killed off or forgotten. The whole Dark Phoenix thing was pretty lame. The Cure could have been interesting, but it wasn't used to it's potential. Characters are killed off for no good reason other than because people wouldn't expect it. (Although, when I heard characters were dying, I called out which ones, and I was right. Not to brag, but I DO rule). And Halle Berry. for a woman who bitched and moaned about this thing from day one, she finally got her wish to "do more", which judging by this film, means that she has more time on camera where she stands around reacting. Badly, I should add. But there were scenes that kicked a lot of ass. Like Magneto rescuing Mystique. That was a badass scene. And when Wolverine is in the woods, about to fight the Ewoks. I may have made that last part up. Still, it was a disappointing end to something that could have been unbelievably kick ass. And don't make Wolverine cry.
Idiots.
Alright, that's all I got from the Tweener file. I'll no doubt have more, as Silent Hill, Over The Hedge, and The Davinci Code are all playing at the $2 theater, and I don't mind paying for The DaVinci Code if it's only $2. Or if I sneak into it after something else. Then again, I could just about do anything else and I'd be a lot happier.
3 Fast 3 Furiouser!
Hey, did you see Vin Diesel at the end of 3 Fast 3 Furious: Lost in Translation vs. Mothra?
No?
I did. And I haven't even seen the ending.
Or the middle or begining for that matter.
I saw it in the ad. (And to be fair, I read a spoiler on Ain't It Cool News from someone who went to a test screening and said that's how it closed out.)
And yet, here I am talking about it. Why? Because I saw Vin Diesel in the damn ad. Way to go marketing people. Way to give up the only possible moment of cool to embrace the whole damn film. That would have been a nice surprise, like when Connery shows up at the end of Robin Hood, or Lance Henriksen at the end of Super Mario Brothers. (I had no idea that was coming, did you?)
But no. You figured that audiences wouldn't go see a Diesel-less (or, sadly, more to the point a Walker-less) movie about being fast and/or furious. so they blow their wad for 1 second of air time. it's just kind of sad.
Now, I could be wrong. It could happen at the beginning of the movie, sort of start us out right. But I have a feeling that's not the case. Unless Paul Walker swings down on a rope, and says "BRO!" the whole time down, there's nothing left about this film to surprise me.
Well, except maybe it actually being GOOD. Lord knows it can't be worse than 2 Fast 2 Furious, which I recently read has the distinction of being the most unintentionally homoerotic film since Top Gun.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Walker.
No?
I did. And I haven't even seen the ending.
Or the middle or begining for that matter.
I saw it in the ad. (And to be fair, I read a spoiler on Ain't It Cool News from someone who went to a test screening and said that's how it closed out.)
And yet, here I am talking about it. Why? Because I saw Vin Diesel in the damn ad. Way to go marketing people. Way to give up the only possible moment of cool to embrace the whole damn film. That would have been a nice surprise, like when Connery shows up at the end of Robin Hood, or Lance Henriksen at the end of Super Mario Brothers. (I had no idea that was coming, did you?)
But no. You figured that audiences wouldn't go see a Diesel-less (or, sadly, more to the point a Walker-less) movie about being fast and/or furious. so they blow their wad for 1 second of air time. it's just kind of sad.
Now, I could be wrong. It could happen at the beginning of the movie, sort of start us out right. But I have a feeling that's not the case. Unless Paul Walker swings down on a rope, and says "BRO!" the whole time down, there's nothing left about this film to surprise me.
Well, except maybe it actually being GOOD. Lord knows it can't be worse than 2 Fast 2 Furious, which I recently read has the distinction of being the most unintentionally homoerotic film since Top Gun.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Walker.
A few minor updates
Hey all.
I've decided to update the blog a little bit, and make a few minor changes. There are some links on the side now, I finally got those working. I've linked to several more successful and entertaining blogs, which if you frequent these blogs, you'll notice that they are all linked to each other as well. It's funny, in a weird inbred kind of way.
And yet, here I am, hoping to join the gene pool. Well, not really. But I find these sites interesting, and they occupy me through my boring days when not retrieving office supplies and groceries for the tireless editing crew here. You'll also find some of my reviews and such over at Moviesonline, where I write under the nom de guerre "The Dude", which is really embarassing when I go to screenings, and they ask me who I write for and what my name is.
(I'm still waiting for my now 2 quotes to appear on a poster: For the Devil's Rejects "It's got balls" - The Dude, Moviesonline.ca
AND for the Proposition
"It's so manly it should begin with a shot of a scrotal sack, just so you know what you're about to deal with." - The Dude, Moviesonline.ca
Although, looking at them both now, people will say I have a small fixation.
To those critics, I say maybe D has a fixation.
DEEZ NUTS!
You got burned so badly.)
Yeah. So, anyway, here are some links. Keep your eyes peeled later in the week, because I'll have a few things going up. I haven't seen any movies lately, but I could cover older stuff. Or I could make up reviews for movies I haven't seen yet. In fact, that sounds like a good idea.
I've decided to update the blog a little bit, and make a few minor changes. There are some links on the side now, I finally got those working. I've linked to several more successful and entertaining blogs, which if you frequent these blogs, you'll notice that they are all linked to each other as well. It's funny, in a weird inbred kind of way.
And yet, here I am, hoping to join the gene pool. Well, not really. But I find these sites interesting, and they occupy me through my boring days when not retrieving office supplies and groceries for the tireless editing crew here. You'll also find some of my reviews and such over at Moviesonline, where I write under the nom de guerre "The Dude", which is really embarassing when I go to screenings, and they ask me who I write for and what my name is.
(I'm still waiting for my now 2 quotes to appear on a poster: For the Devil's Rejects "It's got balls" - The Dude, Moviesonline.ca
AND for the Proposition
"It's so manly it should begin with a shot of a scrotal sack, just so you know what you're about to deal with." - The Dude, Moviesonline.ca
Although, looking at them both now, people will say I have a small fixation.
To those critics, I say maybe D has a fixation.
DEEZ NUTS!
You got burned so badly.)
Yeah. So, anyway, here are some links. Keep your eyes peeled later in the week, because I'll have a few things going up. I haven't seen any movies lately, but I could cover older stuff. Or I could make up reviews for movies I haven't seen yet. In fact, that sounds like a good idea.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
The return of DanSpeak: 6-15-06
On the postal systems lack of service: I'm so pissed my porn hasn't gotten here yet.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
This is the funniest thing I've read today...
...which, given yesterday's prime bit of hilarity, could be a step backwards.
But still, this is good. It comes from a website called "Living The Romantic Comedy" (http://livingromcom.typepad.com/my_weblog/) which is one of the countless sccreenwriting blogs I encounter all day when I should be doing work. Although I like to think that this is my job now, reading these. Anyway, the main guy Bill wrote this great line:
"For the edification of my L.A. readers: a play is a piece of dramatic/comedic writing that's performed by live actors in front of a live audience -- kind of like this "live TV" stunt they just pulled on The West Wing, only without the cameras. I know, nutty, huh? But plays are done a lot in New York, where some people consider them foreplay. "
Brilliance. My co-workers look at me with strange eyes now.
But still, this is good. It comes from a website called "Living The Romantic Comedy" (http://livingromcom.typepad.com/my_weblog/) which is one of the countless sccreenwriting blogs I encounter all day when I should be doing work. Although I like to think that this is my job now, reading these. Anyway, the main guy Bill wrote this great line:
"For the edification of my L.A. readers: a play is a piece of dramatic/comedic writing that's performed by live actors in front of a live audience -- kind of like this "live TV" stunt they just pulled on The West Wing, only without the cameras. I know, nutty, huh? But plays are done a lot in New York, where some people consider them foreplay. "
Brilliance. My co-workers look at me with strange eyes now.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
This is too damn funny
I came across this interesting tidbit, this morsel of self promotion that has so much testicular gumption, it oughta name itself "The Proposition".
(I'm sorry, but that movie kicks an obscene amount of ass.)
No, this is one of the stranger things I've seen, but I guess these days, it's what the people want.
I have trashed Uwe Boll on many occasions. I've outright declared TO THE MAN'S FACE that I hate House of the Dead. (I failed to tell him that I own a copy, just to show people how inept a motion picture can be). Alone in the Dark isn't much better, and Bloodrayne, while a vast improvement over the other two, is still pretty terrible. And yet, he continues to make films. he truly is the new Ed Wood, but I think he might be a little too self aware of that status.
Still, he was a charming guy, really nice, and surprisingly lucid when it comes to talking about films. (I hold a soft spot in my heart for the fact that we both agree on how much the ending of War of the Worlds sucks balls). He's got a nose for what's not working in other people's flicks, but he still can't make that work for his own films, unfortunately.
I had hope for Uwe Boll. He seemed to be improving with each film. Sure it was with baby steps, but progress is progress.
Until now.
Now I read this: http://www.darkhorizons.com/news06/060613b.php
And then Ain't It Cool News pointed potential haters to check these out as fuel for the fire:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53Li4nJAgDg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wvUT1Ix7jY
The guy has a serious pair. Or a massive head wound that's making him say things like it's Bacon Day. What intrigues me the most is how he's going to work the footage into the film. Will it be random and sporadic until tumbling towards idiocy, like the video game footage cut into House of the Dead? Will it be pointless and useless, like my idea of putting old footage from the unfinished Low Cool into something new? Or will it just wind up on the cutting room floor when nobody shows up to participate?
I bet Roger Avery takes him up on it. That strikes me as something he would do.
Boll is quite delusional, but I give him a B+ for effort, which will most likely be the highest amount of praise I will give an idea of his.
The man's got gumption. And me? I've got some training to do.
(I'm sorry, but that movie kicks an obscene amount of ass.)
No, this is one of the stranger things I've seen, but I guess these days, it's what the people want.
I have trashed Uwe Boll on many occasions. I've outright declared TO THE MAN'S FACE that I hate House of the Dead. (I failed to tell him that I own a copy, just to show people how inept a motion picture can be). Alone in the Dark isn't much better, and Bloodrayne, while a vast improvement over the other two, is still pretty terrible. And yet, he continues to make films. he truly is the new Ed Wood, but I think he might be a little too self aware of that status.
Still, he was a charming guy, really nice, and surprisingly lucid when it comes to talking about films. (I hold a soft spot in my heart for the fact that we both agree on how much the ending of War of the Worlds sucks balls). He's got a nose for what's not working in other people's flicks, but he still can't make that work for his own films, unfortunately.
I had hope for Uwe Boll. He seemed to be improving with each film. Sure it was with baby steps, but progress is progress.
Until now.
Now I read this: http://www.darkhorizons.com/news06/060613b.php
And then Ain't It Cool News pointed potential haters to check these out as fuel for the fire:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53Li4nJAgDg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wvUT1Ix7jY
The guy has a serious pair. Or a massive head wound that's making him say things like it's Bacon Day. What intrigues me the most is how he's going to work the footage into the film. Will it be random and sporadic until tumbling towards idiocy, like the video game footage cut into House of the Dead? Will it be pointless and useless, like my idea of putting old footage from the unfinished Low Cool into something new? Or will it just wind up on the cutting room floor when nobody shows up to participate?
I bet Roger Avery takes him up on it. That strikes me as something he would do.
Boll is quite delusional, but I give him a B+ for effort, which will most likely be the highest amount of praise I will give an idea of his.
The man's got gumption. And me? I've got some training to do.
Monday, June 12, 2006
A double feature at the Arclight? Why not, I say.
As you may have noticed, I have been a miserable man of late. Not exactly myself, the fun, happy go lucky, acerbic and witty (not to mention devilishly handsome) guy that my friends and family know and love. (Or loathe, depending on who you speak to). I'm not going to get into the whole reasoning why, because it's no important, and because it'll make me cry at work.
So Dan, he of DanSpeak (which will be making it's way back as soon as he says something AWESOME) decided to take a little action in the cheering me up department. He felt that last Saturday would be best served hanging out at the Arclight and taking in a few flicks. Me, not exactly of sound mind, told him to go fuck himself, and then I threw the kitty litter at him. Being nimble, he cleverly dodged the projectile, rapped me on the head with his cane (Yeah, Dan sports a cane now. For style, he says) grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and forced me to go to the movies. Being that the Arclight brings more joy to me than Disneyworld, I agreed.
I still pissed on his chair for good measure, though.
Anyway, for those who don't know about the brilliance of the Arclight, allow me to inform. The Arclight is the movie theater that you WISH you had in your town. Luxurious seating, assaigned seating (so you don't need to show up an hour before the flick begins to beat everyone out for a good seat). They have delicious snacks at the concession stand (real butter on the popcorn, which gets messy). And they don't run twenty minutes of ads before the movie. In order to offset this, they charge a little more than normal theaters, but it's worth it, and on the weekdays the difference is minute. And for celebrity watching, it's not a bad place at all.
They run a lot of movies there, both independent and big studio fare. And on this particular Saturday, young Daniel and I partook(?) in two of the indies; The Proposition and District B13.
The Proposition
Last year, I used the phrase "It's got balls" to describe The Devil's Rejects. The Proposition exceeds that claim so much that it should begin with a shot of a scrotal sack, just so you know what you're up against.
Instead, the movie opens with a nice, quiet credit sequence that shows some pictures of Australian colonial history, while a nice folk tune plays on the soundtrack. Then the gunshots begin. And the blood. Oh my the blood.
Charlie Burns (Guy Pearce) and his brother Mikey (Richard Wilson) are in a shack, exchanging gunfire with the colonial forces, led by Captain Stanley (Ray Winstone). It's loud and hectic and brutal. After Mike is injured, the fight ends, and the Burns brothers are arrested. Stanley offers a proposition (title) to Charlie: If he hunts down and kills his other, more vicious brother Arthur (Danny Huston, who I normally HATE in any movie) then Charlie and Mike are free.
Naturally, Charlie takes the assignment and heads off into the harsh realm of the outback. Sweat and dirt are quite prevalent. So is blood. And violence at every turn. At one point, Charlie makes his way to an outpost where a bounty hunter by the name of Jellon Lamb (wonderfully played by John Hurt) is hiding out,waiting for Arthur to emerge from his hiding atop a mountain cave. their exchange is like the rest of the film, which I just used to describe the outback landscape.
Back in the "settlement", Stanley has to deal with politics from the motherland, personified in this case by David Wenham (he was Faromir in the Lord of the Rings films, and he was also in Van Helsing). Stanley's wife Martha, played by Emily Watson, is also involved, as one of her best friends was raped and murdered by Arthur and his gang. These bleak characters in the desolate setting add up to a pretty nihilistic moviegoing experience, but damn is it worth it.
The screenplay was written by Nick Cave, he of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. I wish I was more familiar with the man's music, but if it's anything like his screenplay for this film, I might need to give it a good listen. It's spare and elegant, and never does it flinch. It's a rough life for these characters, and there is no real way out. The beauty of the landscape is captured perfectly and only enhances the overall mood of the flick.
Guy Pearce owns this flick, and he barely utters a word. He's not quite an antihero,
but he's not exactly the most moral of men, either. Still, sporting a beard from his Ravenous days (and an equally sickly look), he rides around the desert, and carries the grim reality around him like a chip on his shoulder. As Arthur, the even more immoral brother, Danny Huston makes me take back every bad word I've uttered about him from his previous films. He makes Arthur into a very Col. Kurtz character. While not exactly a great human being, he is wise and adapt to the new land that just holds so much hostility. And Ray WInstone plays Stanley very well, as a conflicted man who wants to try and "tame" the wild land he lives in, which is a futile effort, to say the least. And Emily Watson brings a nice added touch of sensitivity to the whole proceeding, but is rendered moot by the sheer ass kickery the movie has in store.
Directed by John Hillcoat, the film plays out almost like the last twenty minutes or so of Unforgiven. Justice does not necessarily need to prevail out in these badlands, because it doesn't really belong there in the first place. Every aspect of this film, from the camera work to the performances to the score, works together to paint a grim picture of a land without hope. Even the garden in the middle of the desert that Martha sets up has a reek of last desperation, of hope in a hopeless land. The outback in the Proposition is not a place for hope. It's a place for blood. And damn is it a visually arresting place.
It's the best movie I've seen this year. Do yourself a favor and see it before it seeks you out and kicks you in the groin. If you have young children, take them so they can see what being a man is all about. And if they cry because of the violence, make them watch it again until they stop. Life's cruel sometimes, and this movie reminds us of that constantly.
So, after a nice lunch at the cafe (yes, the Arclight has a cafe with booze and assorted sandwiches, including the Arclight club which has turkey, roast beef AND bacon, and was much needed after watching a flick like The Proposition) it was time to take on the second flick of the day:
District B13
District B13 is a movie about two guys kicking a bunch of other guys. And doing it in inventive and clever ways that are kind of missing since Jackie Chan and Jet Li came to America. (As much as I want Tony Jaa to cross over, part of me thinks it would be a bad idea, and you wouldn't have him break 30 GUYS ARMS in a row).
It's co-written by Luc Besson, who I'm starting to admire more and more as a writer and less as a director. (given that he finally directed a movie after 6 years, but it's only in France right now, I'm allowed to mock the man). The movies he writes for others, like The Transporter and Unleashed, are just good fun. And there's usually a lot of ass kicking in them. And sometimes, that's all you need.
District B13 takes place in the near future, where Paris has become so out of control, that they've taken to walling off sections of cities. District B13 is the most notorious, as it's overrun by a crime lord named Taha. He runs things with the help of his 2 fast 2 furious crew, driving around in sporty cars and selling heroin to the kiddies. Not taking any of Taha's guff is Leito. Leito begins the moving having stolen some heroin (and by some, I mean a lot). Taha's not too happy, so he sends thugs to kill Leito. Leito escapes via the most ridiculous way imaginable, by climbing and jumping his way through rooftops and alleys. Eventually, Leito is betrayed by the cops and arrested, and Taha is free to run B13, now with Leito's sister Lola at his side. (She's being constantly fed heroin to keep her in check).
Six months later, there's another crime lord who runs afoul of a bust courtesy of Damien, a loose cannon cop who also dispatches ass with amazing precision. (the casino fight is a highlight, given that he could have easily escaped, but instead decided that everyone needed a good smackdown). Impressed by his skill, Damien's superiors have a mission for him (A proposition, not unlike the previous film I saw): Taha has stolen a nuclear weapon that has 24 hours until it detonates. Damien needs to break into B13 with Leito showing him the way, and they have to kick people's asses and save the day.
The movie recalls some great John Carpenter flicks of yore, notably Escape From New York and Assault on Precinct 13, and it crosses that with the sheer ridiculous factor that populated the Transporter series. Leito (played by David Belle) is a master of something called "parkour", which is a type of stunt work that involves climbing on fire escapes and parts of buildings and jumping off rooftops on to other rooftops. It's pretty damn impressive, and adding to that is the fact that these guys are actually performing these stunts without the use of computers or wires. And damn is it impressive when it's used in the film.
The problem with the film is that it could have used a few more scenes of this stuff. All the fight scenes and action sequences have a nice kinetic energy to them that makes it exhilarating, and that's what's missing from the rest of the movie. There are a few nice character touches, and some odd quirky moments (and a nice little twist towards the ending) but in the end, they don't really matter when all you need is to see someone get their ass kicked. Seriously, there are a few moments when people talk things out, which is good in real life, but not in a movie where dudes can jump over cars. These problems can be settled with fists (and feet) of fury. And while the fight scenes are badass as hell, there needs to be more.
Still, it should be seen for the action sequences it DOES have (the fight against the massive beast guy is pretty damn cool) and for a pretty banging soundtrack. And the opening credits are done with panache you have to smile at. If anything, you can also play a couple fun games, such as "Does the guy playing Damien look like Jason Statham from afar?" and "Is the chick playing Lola hot, or is it just because she's the only female in the entire movie?". (For the record, my answer to both questions was a resounding YES, even though the second question is a multiple choice question that doesn't really require a yes/no answer). It's a fun time at the movies, but it could have been so much more fun.
Oh well, there's always the next Tony Jaa flick.
So Dan, he of DanSpeak (which will be making it's way back as soon as he says something AWESOME) decided to take a little action in the cheering me up department. He felt that last Saturday would be best served hanging out at the Arclight and taking in a few flicks. Me, not exactly of sound mind, told him to go fuck himself, and then I threw the kitty litter at him. Being nimble, he cleverly dodged the projectile, rapped me on the head with his cane (Yeah, Dan sports a cane now. For style, he says) grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and forced me to go to the movies. Being that the Arclight brings more joy to me than Disneyworld, I agreed.
I still pissed on his chair for good measure, though.
Anyway, for those who don't know about the brilliance of the Arclight, allow me to inform. The Arclight is the movie theater that you WISH you had in your town. Luxurious seating, assaigned seating (so you don't need to show up an hour before the flick begins to beat everyone out for a good seat). They have delicious snacks at the concession stand (real butter on the popcorn, which gets messy). And they don't run twenty minutes of ads before the movie. In order to offset this, they charge a little more than normal theaters, but it's worth it, and on the weekdays the difference is minute. And for celebrity watching, it's not a bad place at all.
They run a lot of movies there, both independent and big studio fare. And on this particular Saturday, young Daniel and I partook(?) in two of the indies; The Proposition and District B13.
The Proposition
Last year, I used the phrase "It's got balls" to describe The Devil's Rejects. The Proposition exceeds that claim so much that it should begin with a shot of a scrotal sack, just so you know what you're up against.
Instead, the movie opens with a nice, quiet credit sequence that shows some pictures of Australian colonial history, while a nice folk tune plays on the soundtrack. Then the gunshots begin. And the blood. Oh my the blood.
Charlie Burns (Guy Pearce) and his brother Mikey (Richard Wilson) are in a shack, exchanging gunfire with the colonial forces, led by Captain Stanley (Ray Winstone). It's loud and hectic and brutal. After Mike is injured, the fight ends, and the Burns brothers are arrested. Stanley offers a proposition (title) to Charlie: If he hunts down and kills his other, more vicious brother Arthur (Danny Huston, who I normally HATE in any movie) then Charlie and Mike are free.
Naturally, Charlie takes the assignment and heads off into the harsh realm of the outback. Sweat and dirt are quite prevalent. So is blood. And violence at every turn. At one point, Charlie makes his way to an outpost where a bounty hunter by the name of Jellon Lamb (wonderfully played by John Hurt) is hiding out,waiting for Arthur to emerge from his hiding atop a mountain cave. their exchange is like the rest of the film, which I just used to describe the outback landscape.
Back in the "settlement", Stanley has to deal with politics from the motherland, personified in this case by David Wenham (he was Faromir in the Lord of the Rings films, and he was also in Van Helsing). Stanley's wife Martha, played by Emily Watson, is also involved, as one of her best friends was raped and murdered by Arthur and his gang. These bleak characters in the desolate setting add up to a pretty nihilistic moviegoing experience, but damn is it worth it.
The screenplay was written by Nick Cave, he of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. I wish I was more familiar with the man's music, but if it's anything like his screenplay for this film, I might need to give it a good listen. It's spare and elegant, and never does it flinch. It's a rough life for these characters, and there is no real way out. The beauty of the landscape is captured perfectly and only enhances the overall mood of the flick.
Guy Pearce owns this flick, and he barely utters a word. He's not quite an antihero,
but he's not exactly the most moral of men, either. Still, sporting a beard from his Ravenous days (and an equally sickly look), he rides around the desert, and carries the grim reality around him like a chip on his shoulder. As Arthur, the even more immoral brother, Danny Huston makes me take back every bad word I've uttered about him from his previous films. He makes Arthur into a very Col. Kurtz character. While not exactly a great human being, he is wise and adapt to the new land that just holds so much hostility. And Ray WInstone plays Stanley very well, as a conflicted man who wants to try and "tame" the wild land he lives in, which is a futile effort, to say the least. And Emily Watson brings a nice added touch of sensitivity to the whole proceeding, but is rendered moot by the sheer ass kickery the movie has in store.
Directed by John Hillcoat, the film plays out almost like the last twenty minutes or so of Unforgiven. Justice does not necessarily need to prevail out in these badlands, because it doesn't really belong there in the first place. Every aspect of this film, from the camera work to the performances to the score, works together to paint a grim picture of a land without hope. Even the garden in the middle of the desert that Martha sets up has a reek of last desperation, of hope in a hopeless land. The outback in the Proposition is not a place for hope. It's a place for blood. And damn is it a visually arresting place.
It's the best movie I've seen this year. Do yourself a favor and see it before it seeks you out and kicks you in the groin. If you have young children, take them so they can see what being a man is all about. And if they cry because of the violence, make them watch it again until they stop. Life's cruel sometimes, and this movie reminds us of that constantly.
So, after a nice lunch at the cafe (yes, the Arclight has a cafe with booze and assorted sandwiches, including the Arclight club which has turkey, roast beef AND bacon, and was much needed after watching a flick like The Proposition) it was time to take on the second flick of the day:
District B13
District B13 is a movie about two guys kicking a bunch of other guys. And doing it in inventive and clever ways that are kind of missing since Jackie Chan and Jet Li came to America. (As much as I want Tony Jaa to cross over, part of me thinks it would be a bad idea, and you wouldn't have him break 30 GUYS ARMS in a row).
It's co-written by Luc Besson, who I'm starting to admire more and more as a writer and less as a director. (given that he finally directed a movie after 6 years, but it's only in France right now, I'm allowed to mock the man). The movies he writes for others, like The Transporter and Unleashed, are just good fun. And there's usually a lot of ass kicking in them. And sometimes, that's all you need.
District B13 takes place in the near future, where Paris has become so out of control, that they've taken to walling off sections of cities. District B13 is the most notorious, as it's overrun by a crime lord named Taha. He runs things with the help of his 2 fast 2 furious crew, driving around in sporty cars and selling heroin to the kiddies. Not taking any of Taha's guff is Leito. Leito begins the moving having stolen some heroin (and by some, I mean a lot). Taha's not too happy, so he sends thugs to kill Leito. Leito escapes via the most ridiculous way imaginable, by climbing and jumping his way through rooftops and alleys. Eventually, Leito is betrayed by the cops and arrested, and Taha is free to run B13, now with Leito's sister Lola at his side. (She's being constantly fed heroin to keep her in check).
Six months later, there's another crime lord who runs afoul of a bust courtesy of Damien, a loose cannon cop who also dispatches ass with amazing precision. (the casino fight is a highlight, given that he could have easily escaped, but instead decided that everyone needed a good smackdown). Impressed by his skill, Damien's superiors have a mission for him (A proposition, not unlike the previous film I saw): Taha has stolen a nuclear weapon that has 24 hours until it detonates. Damien needs to break into B13 with Leito showing him the way, and they have to kick people's asses and save the day.
The movie recalls some great John Carpenter flicks of yore, notably Escape From New York and Assault on Precinct 13, and it crosses that with the sheer ridiculous factor that populated the Transporter series. Leito (played by David Belle) is a master of something called "parkour", which is a type of stunt work that involves climbing on fire escapes and parts of buildings and jumping off rooftops on to other rooftops. It's pretty damn impressive, and adding to that is the fact that these guys are actually performing these stunts without the use of computers or wires. And damn is it impressive when it's used in the film.
The problem with the film is that it could have used a few more scenes of this stuff. All the fight scenes and action sequences have a nice kinetic energy to them that makes it exhilarating, and that's what's missing from the rest of the movie. There are a few nice character touches, and some odd quirky moments (and a nice little twist towards the ending) but in the end, they don't really matter when all you need is to see someone get their ass kicked. Seriously, there are a few moments when people talk things out, which is good in real life, but not in a movie where dudes can jump over cars. These problems can be settled with fists (and feet) of fury. And while the fight scenes are badass as hell, there needs to be more.
Still, it should be seen for the action sequences it DOES have (the fight against the massive beast guy is pretty damn cool) and for a pretty banging soundtrack. And the opening credits are done with panache you have to smile at. If anything, you can also play a couple fun games, such as "Does the guy playing Damien look like Jason Statham from afar?" and "Is the chick playing Lola hot, or is it just because she's the only female in the entire movie?". (For the record, my answer to both questions was a resounding YES, even though the second question is a multiple choice question that doesn't really require a yes/no answer). It's a fun time at the movies, but it could have been so much more fun.
Oh well, there's always the next Tony Jaa flick.
Another funny coincidence?
So, I've been known to bitch and moan about how other people manage to have the same ideas as me (cough-BRAFF-cough) that makes life kind of disheartening to a fledgling screenwriter trying to make the big time. Or even the small time. More the "enough to get out of debt and live comfortably" time.
But there have been numerous occasions where the ideas in my head have suddenly turned up on a screen or on page. In fact one weekend, I had to sit through three consecutive films and watch an idea I had presented up on a screen in 2000 watt glory. (It would have been 3K glory, but Loews was too cheap to buy those bulbs). I'm not going to get into what they were, because it's sour grapes at this point, and stupid to dwell on it. (Although my vendetta for Braff lives on).
So I find it mildly amusing when I open the script of the show I'm working on, and the first character to speak in the whole damn thing is Professor Stephen Hawking.
Much like the opening of the brilliant "Burger Academy 2: The Vengeance" written by yours truly.
Again, just a mere coincidence, and they don't say the same things (his dialogue in BA2:TV is so brilliant, the script pages need to be written on gold) but it's starting to get ridonkulous.
But there have been numerous occasions where the ideas in my head have suddenly turned up on a screen or on page. In fact one weekend, I had to sit through three consecutive films and watch an idea I had presented up on a screen in 2000 watt glory. (It would have been 3K glory, but Loews was too cheap to buy those bulbs). I'm not going to get into what they were, because it's sour grapes at this point, and stupid to dwell on it. (Although my vendetta for Braff lives on).
So I find it mildly amusing when I open the script of the show I'm working on, and the first character to speak in the whole damn thing is Professor Stephen Hawking.
Much like the opening of the brilliant "Burger Academy 2: The Vengeance" written by yours truly.
Again, just a mere coincidence, and they don't say the same things (his dialogue in BA2:TV is so brilliant, the script pages need to be written on gold) but it's starting to get ridonkulous.
Some random observations from this past weekend.
I think I'm becoming a hermit, as I spent most of the weekend locked in my room, avoiding responsibility, save for feeding the cat we're catsitting for. She was appreciative for the food, but not much else. But being a shut in rules, because you get to learn so much. Such as:
1). Hitman: Blood Money is an insanely kick ass game. I beat the whole damn thing this weekend. Of course, I beat it on the lame level, which makes it far too easy, but lately, being such a loser, it's nice to win at something. But the game is unbelievably addictive, and fun. It's more of the same, but the engine is different being that it involves more innocent people (there's a level at Mardi Gras, and one in a Vegas casino) and there's the "notoriety" aspect, where you can be seen by cameras, and then the press gets wind of you. You can remedy this by stealing security tapes everywhere you go, or by bribing the press. You can also customize weaponry and all I can say about that is my shotgun kicks a supreme amount of arse.
I'm scaring myself writing that. But the game rules.
2). If you call yourself a man, then you need to read "The Alphabet of Manliness." Written by God among men Maddox (http://maddox.xmission.com/), it's a run down, A to Z, from Ass-kicking to Zombies, of all things manly. (Or not so, depending on your definition). Filled with much the same wit that fills his ramblings, Maddox has proven himself a keen observer of the state of manliness, and he tries valiantly to reclaim our right to it. Brilliant book, I finished it in 5 hours. Then bought another copy, and read it again. Then, it kicked me in the nuts to remind me who's the boss.
In a strange twist of fate, I discovered something else this weekend while reading this book...
3) It's very difficult to read in a room when all your lamps have busted light bulbs, and the only source of illumination are blue Christmas lights.
4) Death Cab For Cutie is a good band. But man, are they depressing as hell.
5). I don't care what anybody (Cough-entertainmentweekly-cough) says, The Simpsons are still funny as hell, as witnessed by last night's episode where Mr. Burns outsources the nuclear power plant and Homer has to go to India. The B-plot involved Patty and Selma kidnapping Richard Dean Anderson and having a Macgyver convention of their own. I was in stitches the entire episode. Very well done, with so many funny moments. (The outsourcing short film was GENIUS, as was the Stargate SG1 convention). Holy crap, I wish I taped it. Time for Tivo?
6) I'm a sad, sad man.
But there's a silver lining to the cloud, which I am not prepared to reveal as of yet. In a few weeks time, all shall be revealed. Rest assured, something is brewing...
1). Hitman: Blood Money is an insanely kick ass game. I beat the whole damn thing this weekend. Of course, I beat it on the lame level, which makes it far too easy, but lately, being such a loser, it's nice to win at something. But the game is unbelievably addictive, and fun. It's more of the same, but the engine is different being that it involves more innocent people (there's a level at Mardi Gras, and one in a Vegas casino) and there's the "notoriety" aspect, where you can be seen by cameras, and then the press gets wind of you. You can remedy this by stealing security tapes everywhere you go, or by bribing the press. You can also customize weaponry and all I can say about that is my shotgun kicks a supreme amount of arse.
I'm scaring myself writing that. But the game rules.
2). If you call yourself a man, then you need to read "The Alphabet of Manliness." Written by God among men Maddox (http://maddox.xmission.com/), it's a run down, A to Z, from Ass-kicking to Zombies, of all things manly. (Or not so, depending on your definition). Filled with much the same wit that fills his ramblings, Maddox has proven himself a keen observer of the state of manliness, and he tries valiantly to reclaim our right to it. Brilliant book, I finished it in 5 hours. Then bought another copy, and read it again. Then, it kicked me in the nuts to remind me who's the boss.
In a strange twist of fate, I discovered something else this weekend while reading this book...
3) It's very difficult to read in a room when all your lamps have busted light bulbs, and the only source of illumination are blue Christmas lights.
4) Death Cab For Cutie is a good band. But man, are they depressing as hell.
5). I don't care what anybody (Cough-entertainmentweekly-cough) says, The Simpsons are still funny as hell, as witnessed by last night's episode where Mr. Burns outsources the nuclear power plant and Homer has to go to India. The B-plot involved Patty and Selma kidnapping Richard Dean Anderson and having a Macgyver convention of their own. I was in stitches the entire episode. Very well done, with so many funny moments. (The outsourcing short film was GENIUS, as was the Stargate SG1 convention). Holy crap, I wish I taped it. Time for Tivo?
6) I'm a sad, sad man.
But there's a silver lining to the cloud, which I am not prepared to reveal as of yet. In a few weeks time, all shall be revealed. Rest assured, something is brewing...
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